 We went to a birthday party and our mutual friends were trying to like hook us up together and at the end of the night I kind of just looked at him and I was like you know what I would hook up with you but I would actually date you and he just looked at me in shock and said you think I'm attractive and kind of just blossomed from there and luckily for us we kind of just kept doing the same thing and just throw in sex, throw in dates, throw in spontaneity and whatever love languages that each other has and it's worked out. We have been friends for 19 years we've been dating going on four years. I think that the nature of spending a lot of time having really serious conversations about life and the future and our jobs and our careers and really what we wanted out of life I think that that kind of evolved into something that we realized like oh I'm still looking at you through the lens of like when we were in high school versus looking at each other through the lens of like you have quite literally lived an entire life is super fascinating. It was about end of summer 2019 when I started catching feels. So that was when we had our first conversation that led into the night and the day of the night and it was like extremely intimate. Hey lovers and friends this video right on here is for all the friends out there who really want to be someone's lover. How do you advance a relationship from the friend zone into a romantic place? Now I want to just state that I hate the term friend zone but it is the common pop culture term. I hate it because it has a negative connotation to it and I don't think that it should. At the end of the day if someone has selected you to be a friend in your life that is a privilege and not a punishment. Adults choose very few people to invest their time and energy into and if someone sees something in you worthy of those things you should look at that as something positive. So this video is only for people who enjoy being someone's friend but ultimately think they could be successful being more than that. The person who hates being someone's friend and is bitter and resentful the entire time your best bet is to dissolve the connection altogether give it some space and time and try to re-enter again in a romantic state. Another really important checkpoint to hit before you attempt to advance a relationship is to ask what is it that's really motivating you to make this change? Is it because you see you in this person as being a really great fit or is it because you're offended this person doesn't see you as a great fit? In other words is it your ego or the potential of an amazing partnership that you're trying to service? If it's your ego walk away trust me you're great you don't need this person to love you to say that but find somebody else to be great with. If it's potential that's when it's worth the work and speaking of the work let's talk about Squarespace who is a sponsor of this video which is a site that works to power your next big idea whether that idea is building a mailing list, a website, an online store. Squarespace is a one-stop shop to build a stunning brand for yourself so go ahead and check them out you can actually use Squarespace for free and when you're ready to launch you can go to squarespace.com slash shampoo to get 10% off. All right without further ado let's dive into these tips first and foremost you want to move from friend zone to romantic relationship you want to promotion in essence make sure that you're good at your current job. I have never in the history of my life heard someone say you know what they were a super shitty friend so I think I'm gonna try them out as a romantic partner in hopes that's gonna work out better. If you are not a good friend you are not going to be in consideration for being a good romantic partner because friendship is a foundational principle to healthy relationships so again ensure that you are capable of being a good friend and accepting that even if things don't advance you can still be good to that other person. There's a caveat to this rule though yes make sure you are excelling at the friend role but ensure that you are positioning the friendship as a foundation to the romantic connection meaning do not do things in the friendship role that you do not want to be doing as a romantic partner do not tolerate behaviors from the friend that you would not tolerate as someone significant other that could be name calling gossiping about other romantic interests if you know that in a romantic connection it would make you feel less than do not tolerate it in the friendship either. I'm purposefully using terms like don't tolerate because I want to make something very clear this is not about people pleasing you are not trying to showcase how good of a friend you can be by being as agreeable and as like-minded as possible in order to woo this person into thinking we would have a happy cohesive life together you have to represent yourself accurately and the real you has boundaries has conditions has different thoughts than the other person. The exact moment that I knew my platonic friendship turned into something more was we were sitting down and had a conversation about our family and just seeing how much he loved his family again I'd known him for years but just having that conversation with him it sparked something in me and I started realizing I was developing feelings for him when one during one specific night we ended up telling each other that out of all the people in the room we were mostly interested in each other actually and from then on things developed pretty quickly. All right so you have part one covered you are excelling at being a positive addition to this person's life and you are challenging them to meet that same standard for yourself great amazing now that you are a friend and you are doing great at that use that role to your advantage to collect information to try to inform your next move meaning watch that person's attractions watch how they behave in relationships and use that to inform yourself constantly if they actually are a good candidate for you but also how you can make yourself into a better candidate for them now if they are attracted to people who have qualities that you don't have that you aspire to allow that to motivate you into self-improvement this is good because when loser draw end up with that person or not you are going to put yourself on a path to become the best version of yourself on the flip sides this rule if you notice that your friend is attracted to people who have shady characteristics do not cut yourself off at the moral needs to meet that low bar it is not sustainable and it is not optimal for you now an example of this is if you notice that your friends attracted to people who are manipulators who are gaslighters who are players at the end of the day that is their own choice and you cannot change those preferences people like what they like until they learn to elevate their own tastes and standards and again don't ever try to meet them at that low bar next up get flashy get noticed it is your time to start leaning into your strengths and buying some of your weaknesses if there are areas that you know especially presentation wise that you aren't all that noticeable in now is a time again to use this as motivation for self development and speaking of work once again can we give a shout out to Squarespace who is a sponsor of this video it is an incredible way to give up wow i didn't know that about you impression to people in a business setting i recently updated my own Squarespace website so go check that out and learn more about how Squarespace can empower your next big idea if you are an og to this channel i know you've heard us talk about Squarespace once or twice and that is because we legit use it all the time we use Squarespace for shan's website we use Squarespace for my website we use Squarespace for the game of desires website we use Squarespace for the wedding registry i mean we even put pictures and exclusive content up there for you guys we love Squarespace it's so easy to use even for me who has no idea how to code i find that i can customize our websites effortlessly from templates to in-depth analytics to blogging tools 2021 is going to get started right with Squarespace and start that business that you want to do and if you have a mailing list that you already use listen Squarespace's mailing list is so cost efficient and way easier to use so i'm just telling you go to Squarespace check them out start your 2020 right and get that business started that you've been wanting to start if you haven't done so go to Squarespace.com start playing around they have a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com slash shan booty to get 10 off of your first purchase of a website or a domain again when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com slash shan booty to get 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain all right so you're a friend and you want to move up to romantic partner how do you bridge that gap you show more value so that that elevation makes perfect sense to everyone involved notice that your girls said show more value not give more value i think a lot of people misinterpret and thus misuse this step and end up over investing in connections and thus exhausting themselves and when we are exhausted we become resentful we become hangry and not the best version of ourself you have to maintain throughout this relationship regardless of what the status is an opportunity for you to be enjoyable to be around so you making sure that you are making measured investments it's not about being tit for tat again it's about giving the relationship as a whole the best opportunity to thrive now how do you show what what you can do without offering it to someone else you post things on your social media you bring them up casually your friend could interrupt you while you were just in the middle of doing whatever it is that you do that they didn't know before that you do exceptionally well and you could show more value as a cook as a gardener someone who does taxes as somebody who organizes closets hell as somebody who gives the world's best blowjobs whatever it is that you think is going to incentivize your resume make sure that other person knows that you could successfully do this for somebody who is also investing and doing more things for you as well and lastly date other people have other friends maintain a full life yes still make time for the friendship and when you are together be present in your connection that does not mean you drop everything and center everything around this relationship that isn't healthy if you guys are being romantic and it certainly isn't healthy if you are a friend trying to advance to more and their main principle for doing this is not because you want to create a scarcity model where they think if I don't act now I could regret losing them forever it's because you want to maintain a position of ease a position of lightheartedness and that's hard to do when you are putting all your eggs in one basket if you are operating from a scarcity model where this friend is your only potential for a romantic future you are likely to become desperate clingy and make rash decisions within that connection and you don't ever want to be described as desperate clingy or rash so by having other people you can invest your time and hopes into you allow yourself to be more present with the connection as is and more light if it doesn't end up being what you ultimately want it to be but by being more light it is more likely to end up being what you ultimately want it to be that is the end those are my tips for moving from a friend to a romantic partner I want to do more videos about strategies for structuring healthy relationships if you have some ideas from that drop them in the comment section below if you have some stories of how you made a friend into a romantic partner drop them below you got some horror stories drop them below let's chat and I'll see you in the next video that's it get nothing else what tips would you give someone who is friends with someone they could see themselves being romantic with the only thing I can think of is literally like if you're feeling something if you're feeling like the vibes are right chemistry's there you guys are really enjoying each other um just ask see where the person stands and honestly and keeping yourself like I don't think we changed and how we were acting towards each other yeah for sure and just yeah kind of flowed into something more romantic so my tip for anyone would be just be honest and feel it out shoot your shot I mean the two outcomes are something great happens or you just learn how to communicate better with your friend it might be that awkward opportunity after where it's like uh you're pining over me and I don't have the same feelings or if they're really a good friend they're gonna you're gonna be able to laugh about it but in my case we've now been married for almost two years and it's been phenomenal I mean I feel like I have a best friend who's now my husband my tip be playful about it there's no need for big announcements or serious conversations don't get me wrong communication is amazing and very important but don't forget that we have the body language to do the communication for us so see how you are together you know physically see how they react to touch if it's awkward or are they really cool with it and just move on from that send some baits and see if they catch them try dropping some hints and see how the other person reacts and get yourself some friends that can help you read those hints because it's hard sometimes if I would have to give any advice it would be make sure that your friendship is actually solid I think that both of us have kind of a unspoken agreement or understanding that our friendship is ultimately the most important thing and realizing that with that comes like a baseline of respect that we have for each other