 You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. Releasing my pain, I never let the rage out until I was until I got into the film business in Hollywood and had been out of combat for two years. It came out because I was drinking and doing and drugging so hard, it started coming out. My wife, the reason why I left my wife is because she was having an affair. The bullets going like this with the RPG flying right behind my head hits and I want to put my weapon up I freaking put two right in his chest and my heavy gun happens to be off its T and E so he can free gun and my fucking gunner can lay on that trigger and destroy that vehicle and kill three more and you're dealing with death all the time and seeing wives fucking crying and children crying and little babies in the arms it's very fucking serious it's very serious but if you think back James was this any if we were back 2000 years ago it still be it would be the same when I hit this terrorist network and I got their fucking data and we watched what they were doing and we saw them taking people sawing people's heads off I mean it filled me with such hate and rage and absolutely resolved to fucking kill every single fucking woman and of course you know what if you was ever face to face with me you wouldn't say a thing you'd have no chance not against me believe that and that I used to be a hero and books have been written about what I did in combat and I have gold medals fighting the best in the world and and yet here I am with nothing it matters and brother when I put that gun in my mouth boomer on in today's guess we've got badass Rudy Reyes how are you brother I'm doing fantastic brother I'm very very thankful and honored to be on here my man yeah it's good to have you on you're you're worth doing some amazing work you've done some phenomenal things in your life you're one of the toughest men out there like yeah sergeant as well Rudy is that correct yes that's correct you know what brother so interesting we got we had some some people here I'm out on task right now I can't say where with the lads with the freaking bass and we had some new new cat come to the team and they were talking to foxy and foxy's like man he's fucking crazy or he's a nutter at all this and this but he's a tough counter what a compliment what a compliment you know yeah before we get into all the mad stuff brother I always go back to the start with my guests where you grew up yes how it all began yeah yeah well well you know um I was born in Kansas City Missouri which is in the center of our big country we had an air base there my father was back and forth between Vietnam my mother was very young my father was young I think my father was 23 my mother was 17 and so in America if you are in the military you have you can have medical care at our hospitals at any hospital across the country which we have a lot of for our army Marine Corps Navy and Air Force so I was born in Kansas City because my mother was come a drove to Kansas City my family's all from South Texas were Mexican American and Mexican my biological father's actually Mexican citizen although he looks as European as myself right Spanish she was there to see her mother and uh and then and then I was coming out my man and I was coming out brother I was like I think two months premature so I was born in Kansas City but I grew up in the beginning of my life on the border of Texas and Mexico down south how was how was killing and stuff there uh you know what bro it was third world still back then we had a we didn't have a paved roads in the poor area that we lived where my family was from we're all migrant workers my family and myself as well we picked crops and we worked in the fields we had an outhouse outhouse no plumbing and we had electricity but one of our our outer retaining walls are you know outer walls was missing and it's kind of tropical down there it's very hot yeah you folks up in the UK it's it's like going to the Caribbean that's the temperate area of it you know that's the kind of climate of it and I love I love playing with frogs and playing playing in the canal and and you know the toys that we had we would play with marbles which we call canikas in Spanish we would play with jacks and then we had something called thrombos which are wooden tops and you wrap them with string and I remember learning and and when I felt like such a big boy when I learned at about four to wind the top and have the manipulation of my fingers and then spin it so it was a very simple way it's probably like a lot of them a lot of the world a lot of the third world and then I got to the Midwest by around five or six public school but but because we were poor and my mother had left my father we were on welfare we had the ability to go to a nice school with with more white people and safer neighborhood safer neighborhood and white people you see what I'm saying and I had in credible schooling till about second grade kindergarten to second grade incredible I would say since I went to 20 different schools as a orphan and and moved around the whole country I would say the strength of those first three years of education to include preschool is what allowed me to graduate high school learning my figures learning my reading and writing learning how to read and uh enunciate and pronounce words and comprehension up to second grade that's what's carried me probably all the way from now yeah how does that affect you being in so many different schools not really feeling as if you had a home like does that confuse you as a boy or is it just became that coming on you know brother I was thinking about these things you know before coming on here and I did some research and I watch your watch your podcast and I love and I love your fitness journey brother I'm very proud of you and I'm sure we'll get into that later yeah very proud of you bro um you know it was very difficult it was uh very cruel very hard um in poor neighborhoods um get a bible and a lot of mental talent there's a scarcity mindset there's a predatory energy and I'm the oldest brother so uh no I I had to experience firsthand extreme cruelty extreme violence and um and that's not okay let me say this I imagine I am a very empathetic person naturally my genetics the kind of person I am I'm an empathetic person I am a imaginative person those kinds of things are crushed in the ghetto those kinds of things are crushed in the orphanage unless unless James you learn to be strong you start lifting weights and you start boxing and wrestling and you start getting the courage after you get beat up to get back up and fight that's the only way a a benevolent person can survive in those conditions and so that's what I had to do at first you know I cried a lot or I cried a lot I said you know why why are people so horrible and you know the the older boys beating you up and then you need to get a little get to a stage and you know you have people trying to um to rape you and I mean it's it's hardcore out there man it is no joke um nature shows us this and there's a child or a or a female some some weak physically smaller weaker life form if there is a not not a protective protective pack or tribe around it it will be predated upon and the human race is no different and you know looking back though it really made me face the truth of human existence and and and all existence very quickly if you are not strong and cannot fight and therefore threaten someone that is trying to dominate you then you will be dominated and if you're dominated then um then you will die you see what I'm saying yeah do you think that's the same mentality for being in the military to being outside the military it's kind of a killer be killed mentality it's survival mood I think maybe that's possibly why I love the marine corps so much it it felt very honest to me um and yes yet within when you make it through selection when you become a recon marine and for for my uk audience out there that doesn't know about reconnaissance community the amphibious reconnaissance we are like your sbs um the marine corps the smallest of our militaries which is I know you guys are going to be like what the fuck it's 300,000 300,000 marines all is right of that only 300 men like me so we have to go through an extreme selection when you finally make it to the platoon and you finally freaking show that you're worth it I've never had more love in my life than those brothers loving and respecting and protecting me it it was honest it was truthful it was direct it's not clouded by any opinions do you win the battle are you number one or not and I could definitely understand that is that the first time you felt was if you had a family today all the best family in the world I still got them I mean look it's such a profound quantum family I got Billy and foxy as my family too I mean we fought in the same wars we fought in the same battle space me and Billy fought the same fucking aos on same ops doing different things on the same op know the same people um and I got a family like you know I just started working with these brothers a year a year and a half ago that's the family what a family it is and it has me reflect too what why I'm still now I'm more emotional and sensitive I think now more than ever because I have the confidence I have such confidence that I'm not concerned about what people think of me September 11th is very hard on me and and September 11th is extreme you know I fought I was on a ship when the towers were hit and and if you UK audience don't know much about my culture over here but our sailors a lot of them come out of New York City and they're black a lot of our military people are poor white trash black Latino and an incredibly freaking rising Asian community right um if you got college and and and you've had it in any way protected or easy you normally don't join the military unless you have a drive inside and maybe a lineage of glory and honor so a lot of the sailors and being a sailor is one of the hardest jobs in the world no glory all hard work all right see in these black brothers my black brothers and Dominican and Puerto Rican brothers from New York City as I'm on the mess deck and I'm drawing tattoos I'm an illustrator and I'm drawing tattoos for the infantrymen when we eventually get to Thailand to get tattoos so that I can make ten dollars here ten dollars there to call my wife at the time on the phone from the ship the towers are being hit I can't quite connect it it's my home because it's so far removed I think it must be Tel Aviv it must be a movie it must be Jerusalem the sirens are going off and then I'm hearing I'm looking across the mess deck with with the people in the kitchen my black brother's crying and screaming Dominican screaming and and and somebody holding one of my brothers holding another brother like that screaming and it's saying recon um seal platoon report to your birthing so it's recon Marines and seals report to their birthing to get their orders seem like it lasted an hour it was probably only three seconds to me it lasted an eternity still lasted eternity you know it's 21 years later and I remember it like it was yesterday so that's what I'm going through right now and then the day before you know our beloved queen passed away and my brothers were down you know I'm down because I've been you know I've been fighting with my my community from the UK in war I am working with them now in peace I've traveled the world and fought in the worst place in places in the world I have the most beautiful people from the third world that I go to do counter terror and and and help them rise so that they become educated and literate so that they can repel the terrorists themselves and have um self-determination and and I know there's some of these truthful things I may not be very eloquent or articulate I have no college but I know it's truthful and I just been going through the last three days been really freaking hard you know what I'm saying for me proud of you for keep going no brother you're doing amazing work thanks see after schooling would they let what was your plans was it to join the Marines straight away or were you just kind of a lost soul at that time well um I'm a painter I'm an illustrator and um and I received a painting scholarship to a really prestigious private art college when I got out of the boys home and I was 18 and but I have two little brothers and I could I could not bring them with me to the barracks to the dorms and so I had to forgo the college and it's a prestigious art college and I was I'm a very good painter uh all the while wrestling wrestling lifting weights and then when I could not go to art college I immersed myself in kickboxing and then ultimately it led me to the China's national team I trained Shaolin kung fu I fought all over the country internationally beat the Russians beat the freaking Chinese beat anybody in front of me because I trained harder because I never and I never drank alcohol I never smoked cigarette because I had that discipline from having a hard life and I was afraid of the military you know I couldn't imagine carrying a gun or killing somebody exactly I couldn't imagine killing somebody I didn't have the hard heart to kill however when I saw Kosovo I saw a documentary about orphans in Kosovo and then there was uh on the on the USA today president Clinton is putting Americans on the ground they said I'm fucking fighting I'm fucking going I'm gonna go fight for those kids I'm not gonna let anybody stand on my way plus there's inside I think every every man I think every man or at least every man I know but then again the men I know are all guys like me yeah we all want us we all wonder like how will we perform when the chips are down and the rounds are coming in or if we're wounded or our loved ones wounded or whenever when the house is on fire when the building's on fire how will we how will we act will we collapse or will we rise and and I knew that by joining the Marine Corps as an infant human that I'm surrendering to the process I'm surrendering to it I'm no longer an individual I'm surrendering and uh uh I think um well I don't I observe that God has a plan for me um I'll fast forward really quick after three continuous wars two invasions two expeditionary open ended warfare cycles in which I came back over a year uh it wasn't until I came back home and two of those wars I it was top secret uh as tssci uh know my my wife at the time had no contact my family had no contact with me except every month an email by an official saying I'm still alive um and then I fought in Fallujah in Ramadi the fucking heaviest bloodbath anybody can imagine uh in the last and really since the last 50 60 last 50 years since freaking um um Tet offensive and um and since fighting in Vietnam or fighting maybe in Congo actually no because they're not big enough they didn't have enough fighters I I fought in Saluzha in Ramadi it's probably you know fucking heavy man the fucking heaviest you can imagine and um I came back and I saw my Kung Fu teacher two men sit went to Kansas city to see chin man sit from from china he calls me Ludi Ludi you can't say Rudy you can say Ludi I say I say uh you know I don't give a shit if anybody out there is like hey he's fucking I don't care what anybody says about me brother I don't um so um I said sifu sifu were you we scared because I was his number one student oh and I was his number one student and I won all those gold medals and such and uh so we scared I was a kind of back and you know I thought about your teachings all the time and I trained all the time in the field even when I was fighting when it goes Ludi uh it is lit it is lit first I just a cook and then you my student and then we win championship and nobody know my name but they say that's Ludi's teacher yeah meaning it was meaning it was written he's he was saying in his way hey kid yeah hey kid I saw your trajectory this is the way it was going and why it was going that way is because you were never concerned about where it was going stay in that space you had no designs or desires and I didn't except be the best right here right now every rep every drill every calorie everything right here right now and uh and and the rest took care of itself what was it like going into the meetings for the first time though as a young kid who had the promising career for doing the arts and being a champion fighter he was challenging so even more challenge yeah that's quite a late start I would do is it not I guess to some people but then I look around now uh look around now Mr. English let me tell you what I don't even see freaking men my I don't even see males my age at 50 is men you look fucking great by the way oh thank you thank you but you what I mean what I mean is that we never know our age uh James uh when we are called to accept the challenges and the sacrifices of manhood and it's for everyone different and I know I know old men that are not men because they never really embrace and I don't mean just a Marine Corps I don't mean just kickbox I don't mean just fitness I mean stepping into a space of responsibility and courage and courage and that's what manhood is about so even at 26 I was very wide or I was skilled in fighting and athletic and and I was honored Brad an iron man a boot camp iron man because of that I had a chance to try out for recon there is no way to sign up for recon just like SPSSAS you can't sign up for it you have to be the best at every level and then get a chance to try out to try out and then after the tryout which is eight to ten hour beasting in and out of the pool and tabbing and fighting and obstacle course then you get a chance to go on to selection so you got to try out to even go to selection right changed my life I I make it through and now in the combat dot I'm a combat diver paratrooper Dems scout sniper which is a very serious program in my world mountain warfare arctic warfare desert warfare survival I mean you know it was urban sniper urban reconnaissance surveillance there's no limit I would recommend to any young man or young woman out there right now and if especially if you're an American audience is I don't know how it is in the UK but America no matter who you are if you want to give everything you've got join the military and give everything you've got you will have every opportunity in the world to include education to include skills to include self-respect to include a confidence that you can't get really anywhere else and so that's what was afforded to me and of course just like shun man sit would say it had to be written that I would go to war and I would come home I'd have to go to war no matter how many wars I went to I would come home little did I know coming home was just the beginning of the ultimate war for me a lot of kids who come from broken homes who've been in children homes prisons are back with addiction they don't ever get out would they you seem to have used the pain of your past to become one of the fittest one of the strongest man military that thanks brother thanks brother how did you fuel that fire to then push on to not not be broken from the past you know I believe I'm naturally a romantic I was talking to Jade my missus my lovely Jade and she's been so instrumental in some healing of mine in the last four or five years because I'm a romantic I believe in good fighting evil I'm a romantic so I believe good must champion evil but the only way for that to happen is for you to take up arms spiritually physically emotionally I believe in standing for what you believe in and what you your character tells you to be true I read a lot I read a lot and I'm inspired by men and women throughout time that have had that courageous journey I love comic books I grew up reading comic books and drawing comic books and and and looking at in a very simple prime colors the fight of good and evil and and by that kind of discipline eventually that's what that's I think even when I was you know five or six days straight on cocaine and vodka in my room or haven't haven't eaten in two weeks and I'm on the streets in New York or street fighting in a bar and in the street I don't even know what happened to my opponents but I know that I know that I fucked them up being in one bad female relationship wrapped another and and I don't know how I made it through that and I definitely didn't have a plan I definitely didn't care but God and and it was written that I must get through it because if my community my community my veteran community my Marine Corps my recon my sniper my Marsoch my my my my UK veteran community if they lost me looking now I look back if they lost me the suicide or prison which happens to a lot of our people how many more would we lose so so with great power you know with it with that great that great abilities and and genetic predispositions and luck with the bullets going like this with the RPG flying right behind my head hits and I want to put my weapon up I freaking put two right in his chest and my heavy gun happens to be off its T and E so he can free gun and my fucking gunner can lay on that trigger and destroy that vehicle and kill three more these things they they must have been written because it wasn't exactly skill it must be written and that is why I do that's why I continue on brother that's why I had to continue on what was it like having a suicidal thoughts would there for being a strong man fit man a man who could accomplish anything he puts his mind to to then feeling as if there was no way out you know if there's anyone out there that is struggling or afraid or angry please maybe if I could share something with you that would help you um after being a champion in my world and also having these abilities and skills and courage meaning you know I was not afraid of anybody so I would fight all the time or people were afraid of me at first on time and I was young I mean I always look young but I was you know was handsome I seemed I seemed like everything was fine um I was fucking dying inside I had no reason that I could remember to live so I thought maybe doing film and television or contracting or doing movies or street fighting or doing counter terror anything that would be dangerous for me that would be at least enough stimulation to keep me going to wake up tomorrow and then when that those things were not happening I would just do hard drugs and drink um I had a beautiful son my son was taken away from me because I was a danger to the world not to my baby boy but actually who knows who knows I went to court to fight I bought a bought a suit and I've never been arrested and I've been a court before in my life I've been a law-abiding citizen somebody that believes in good my whole life but five years ago six years ago I was looking looking back now it's dangerous it's dangerous and it's a very dangerous person yes my son's mother was there the family was there the judge is talking to me I stand up and I give and I look at the judge I go hold hold this is a military hand and arm signal to stop I guess in the judicial system judicial system you don't tell the fucking judge it didn't it didn't go well for me I almost went to jail yes I was so down I I love and miss my baby son so much and so I went home was up two or three days just doing doing cocaine and drinking by myself I always I never went to clubs stuff like that stuff I think I would just stay by myself and watch documentaries and read and cry and rage and and work out and and look at pictures of of who I used to be look at pictures of my son and I you know we're in America we always have weapons I definitely do I mean I use them I use them for work so I got a Glock 19 and and I just fucking went condition one and put it in my mouth because the pain was unbearable that I was repeating where I was seemed powerless to escape the gravitas of the damage of my father my mother the horrible environment that I came from the poverty the abuse that did neglect me and that now I'm not there for my son and and that I used to be a hero and books have been written about what I did in combat and I have gold medals fighting the best in the world and and yet here I am with nothing it matters and brother when I put that gun in my mouth I just felt this force like some kind of force say just as forces said it's going to be okay it's going to be okay and that was it was the creator's voice that's not in English or language just say it's going to be okay because there's much more for you to do for this world and you will see your son it was all these things but it was just this feeling I put the gun down and I knew what that feeling also demanded I must take action right there I get on the hook I get on the hook with my brother Caesar called Caesar at CZ I'm not well right now brother can you please come to the house and take the guns because I got assault rifles and stuff like that can you come take the guns take my guns brother and he came and took my guns I cleaned up no drugs no alcohol until like three or four days for me to finally get myself together then I slept for about four or five days then I started eating again and then I said okay all right my man it's time to fight let's go what's the first step then I started getting some affairs in order and I was and then I created force blue shortly after that force blue started with just creating a mission for men like me and women too men and women like me to go use their amphibious skills to rebuild the ocean and to protect the the innocent things in the ocean and we had no funding we had nothing and I just started working on it it started getting movement we started making effects then Pepsi company comes in in the NFL now we're making effects and and and I'm doing a little bit of work here now a little bit of modeling and and then I meet Jade and she's very young she was only 20 years old when I met her and I didn't know because of her poise and her confidence and the fact that she can shoot like an operator I thought she was at least 28 because of the skills she has with the freaking assault rifle shotgun pistol she's the youngest three-gun champion in America of all time I think she was champion at 17 or 18 so I didn't know that she was so young after we were together and then I asked her how old she is I said I can't see you too young I left California I went to Hong Kong and then and then Finland I'm always doing some military work too and some stuff and all I could do is think about her and I said you know what I don't care what anybody thinks I care what I feel we've been together ever since four years now met five years ago and force blue jade struck COVID oh and I had a big show happen in history channel shut down COVID riots in LA Jade and I with body armor and freaking pistols with gang bangers raiding and destroying um Wilshire Boulevard three blocks from our house and combat zones and helicopters and then fleeing to Idaho to the extreme country and then getting us and then and then having a knee surgery and and just having her myself our beautiful dog hanging my two cats and then moving to the east coast and then SAS calls me I don't even know it's SAS yet because once upon a time in Iraq it hit in the UK I've been working on that with James Blumenthal and for a few years but I didn't it was such a honest humble work I didn't know it would become something massive because of once upon a time in Iraq Channel 4 and minnow call me and they call me about SAS brother and I mean it's it's just the biggest most honorable piece of work and and cultural impact that I've had in the entertainment business and it's because it's truthful it's with the boys and it's kind of a fact that's kind of the arc of what's happened in the last seven years yeah roller coaster you've like all the walls you've been in killing people like they're battling with addiction battling what's the the most challenging war you've been in is at your own mindset sometimes Rudy I think brother James when a human being has had their parameters of left and right moved so far out you know when a man a woman does not fear pain or death or as accepted them and learns to compute through that mitigate risks maybe shoot and kill some people right here maybe call in an air strike give some information check in on your teammates saddle everybody up on your route back to the hard base something else pops off next thing you know you're doing a hostage rescue and that's your every day your you've expanded so far there's no sanity and and I think I think what happens is when you have no sanity you're going to fill up this immense void with something if you're blessed and have a good family and a spiritual or religious background and of course your physical fitness those are all foundations for when you lose your sanity will lose your hope or purpose to fall back to but if you do not have a family let's say you're like like us with a broken family let's say let's say you're wounded or injured you know a lot of my wounded and injured brothers have killed themselves because they feel less of who they are and they're in pain and then their girlfriend leaves them or their wife leaves them or their you see what's important if we struggle with I think the root is depression I think even addiction is just the aftereffect of trying to cure depression through substance or through substance or sex or violence but maybe it's the addiction's all about hitting that those chemicals in the brain I think it's it all stems from depression and depression comes from a human the human predisposition to sadness and emptiness when they do not have something worth living for yeah so I would say find something to live for find something to live for what was it like your first time in war with it I was so overwhelmed with my duties I didn't even think about anything except doing everything I was told right I was uh after the after the towers were hit I went straight into fight to Pakistan Afghanistan from the Persian Gulf I was on a ship force and readiness I was the junior man in a five-man team a platoon of 20 men um utilizing our reconnaissance and surveillance or sniper skills or direct action skills and close air support I was the point man I was a combat diver I was a paratrooper I was a scout sniper I had I had Dems survival um close quarter battle martial I had so many trainings and courses you guys call them still I was a junior guy my men that were in my team fought in Somalia fought in Desert Storm uh fought in Haiti we were magnificent I was as skilled and as talented as I was I was just the this the point man so but remember I'm an artist so um I was in charge in those old days GPS at that tactical level was relatively new um I had to do our routes on acetate overlays to put on the maps and I would do our routes secondary tertiary our Dar site designated area of recovery our own call targets where we had artillery and or mortars dialed in all this stuff and I could draw so well that was my job and set up the route I was the point man to get us where we're going and we're of five men four of us were scout snipers on top of everything we do and rangers I mean pretty badass so all I did is focus on what I was to do driving I've never driven a Humvee we don't drive we don't work at Humvees not back then if we can fly from the sky we use our combat dive amphibious insertion techniques use helicopters I'm driving a big vehicle for the first time with a big heavy gun with one night vision ocular from my eye now on this one this eye so I could see my team leader who's over here 70 kilometers at night clandestine to base of the mountain and then dig in a hole so big to put the vehicle in and then cami it up with with the cami net and then put on 150 pounds 200 pounds of kit and batteries and laser designators and sniper systems and ammo and water and patrol up this mountain and as the sun's coming up sat in and then start covering an area it was immense man it was fucking immense and I came back well you know a little war a little time a little time war hero and uh excited to see my family but as soon as I got home I swear I was only home for two months before the word on the street is to prepare for Iraq long before you knew it long before civilians knew it we were going to Iraq and so I started preparing and fighting and training and preparing for that then which I guess your audience would know from generation kill if your audience is if they watch HBO's generation kill that is about true story about my team my platoon leading the entire first marine division uh in the invasion of Iraq and cutting off the head of the snake and becoming you know war heroes which led to many other things how far ahead are you from the mainstream media and the civilians information that we get to use to go to Iraq how far are you in front couple of weeks month sometimes as much as six months or a year no way yeah fucking hell we have tops yeah yeah we have top secret uh tsci special compartmentalized information clearances and there's heavy shit going on all the time yet brother you don't yet I never knew the big picture I just knew what the fuck I was gonna do right here so when I came back from Afghanistan in 2002 late 2002 you vaguely remember bro this uh the footage of the al-qaeda training camp in kandahar of the freaking clowns swinging on the monkey bars and coming out and shooting these freaking clowns with their black freaking head dresses swinging on the you vaguely remember that yeah yeah yeah I hit that place I fucking hit that place hit that place our team and our platoon hit that place and then we took casualties or we took enemy prisoners of war controlled them took them back brother I'd never seen those videos until I came home I'd never seen footage that you guys were watching as we were preparing to invade Afghanistan I didn't I was so mission specific about who I'm linking up with who I've got to kill what we're doing in terrain we didn't see any videos isn't that interesting so I when I saw it a year later at home like oh surreal yeah because in your platoon you only let your your men phone home once a week is that correct by the back end in in the heavy combat um only letters that would get every three or four months would come back and forth no calls home only my commander called his wife and his wife told the wives they're still alive that is it is that just to keep that head in the game you got and I think it's absolutely important I think actually actually it saves lives and this was there was no there's no fucking instagram a fucking facebook and all this fucking bullshit like that people were not obsessed with being fucking turned on with the stupid light box um I think I think for mental health the way that we did it was the right way I think caring too much about what's going on that you have no control of will take you away from being right here and men will die what's the story about you fighting three weeks straight is that true is that a myth like no true nothing just totally true what's that story Rudy it's just rather can you imagine we're fighting and moving through Iraq but there's no time to stop and every time you stop you got to jump on out and fucking dig in or there's a village there and you got to run through it and if anybody fights you got to kill them and then you got and then you're on the radio and then you're given reports and then your team leader shot now your team leader and I mean an extremity of pace and extremity of fatigue but remember this what's your choice what does anybody have a choice to like say okay I'm gonna we can rest and we're gonna we're gonna pause the war hey let's just pause the war because second platoon is tired no general Mattis from the president is saying fucking go go you think my commander platoon commander is going to say to again my battalion commander a colonel a colonel the team's tired platoon you know they already killed they made some great long distance kills a freaking drop some air and you know Sergeant Patrick was wounded Rudy's taking over they could really use a day off you think he's gonna say that to the colonel and the colonel's gonna tell the general the general's gonna call the president hey you know what Rudy's really fatigued and really sad because his idol and best friend has been wounded and now he's only got three other men you think that's gonna happen no you freaking go many people can't imagine that because they've never been an extremity of being conquered or conquering somebody else so how imagine how it was in the Mongols yeah how do you become one of the elite then like in the top 300 like what's the training for that would they let we've got the sssbs the special forces like they're unbelievable men I've met majority of someone I've been on this show and you can see the mental toughness you can also see the battle but you can see they just push through that pain how do you then become one of the elite one of the fittest one of the strongest one of the ones if the shit hits the fan you're fucking on speed dial I love that you know brother for me it was a combination of the romanticism and shame shame to be afforded an opportunity to witness what is excellent when you witness other excellent men like you've never witnessed in your life may happen to be your instructors you've now witnessed you you cannot unwitness what is excellent and what is truthful now you've witnessed it and you know what it takes to get there which means simply do what you're told and never give up it's that simple do what you're told and never give up and I was very it was very hard on me my selection was very difficult for me everybody hated my guts I didn't have a single friend I was the new marine because I was the honor grad and iron man of my courses before everyone else had been in the marine corps for four six eight years I had marines in my selection rangers paratroopers scout snipers drill instructor all one man just to get to recon it would be like being the best best in your forces and now you finally get a chance to go to b squadron or you get a chance to be with foxy at freaking sas x squadron you worked your whole life six fought four six eight years even been to war but there's only so many slots to even try out so I was there trying out with everybody else everybody hated my guts everybody thought I was a piece of shit because I didn't rate to be there now of course those people that talk shit some of them I had to fight beat up because I'm not a real big guy then I was 175 through my whole military career 180 because I run and swim all the time and now in my older age I put on some weight now in 190 I had to endure a selection all on my own and and that was important I think I lean on that when I was struggling with drugs and alcohol also I was in a mental institution for a whole year it was put away I remembered well Rudy you've been through hard things before alone you can do it incredibly competitive unlike the sas show uh who dares win show brother in real selection if you fail that means 80 percent underneath or on any physical event or don't make the time in our case it's not even the time it's the first four guys or the first five guys this course starts with 80 people the first five make it everyone else fails first five make it everybody else fails if you fail something twice you're standing in front of the commander and then you're getting kicked out so there is no like even being tough is enough you have to give everything you've got be at the front every time you got to want it so bad that you're willing to be in that much pain to be at the front do you think that helped you by being an outsider and nobody really want to be your friend do you think that pushed you I think so I didn't I didn't recognize it at the time I think so I think so yeah I had nobody to call what was the toughest part of that training I didn't know how to swim very well um I'm from the midwest and you know we don't have pools we don't have pools in training tanks if you're poor and uh I didn't grow up in the coast I wasn't rich I did not a swim I was a second class swimmer I was officially not a strong enough swimmer to even be there but because I was so dominant on the indoctrination on that 10 hour beasting they said fuck we can work with this kid I didn't know that I just thought I was just a piece of shit that was lucky we had to do a uh ford rep fording a river report ford rep on the nato format nato format checklist all of us warriors have something called nato formats in which everybody in nato has the same format to do military operations so that we can work together even if we meet each other for the first time and we're in war like world war two or something like that um I've been awake for four days and being gassed and being beasted and everybody's carrying I guess you guys would call it 50 kg packs 50 g packs real rifles so that you have to clean them all the time you're in the swamps you're in the freaking ocean and you're in the mud and you're in the hills always in the forest and in the ocean so you've got to clean your weapons when they rest my team hates my guts I'm a complete lone wolf I'm a lance corporal that's an e3 I have no rank my instructor says uh leather necks that's a term of enjoyment for marines leather necks if one of you motivators does this ford rep just right you might get a couple hours of sleep tonight I said fuck yeah and I thought man if I do this and because nobody wants oh it's winter time it's freezing there's still ice there's ice along the sides of the river nobody wants to get in the fucking river there's only five men team I thought well oh maybe if I do this good my teammates will finally see that I'm valuable maybe they'll finally like me so I take the mission I've got these little plastic bottles to put dirt in that I have to dive every 10 feet down soil composition swim to the top tread water with my rifle and fighting gear and then in at night time cover darkness and right on a plastic slate a cranial it's fucking freezing cold it's freezing brother I think well I'm going to take off all my clothes but my silkies so at least I have something relatively dry to put on after I cross this river for an hour diving down taking soil samples in the cover of darkness treading water with my rifle writing down the data how deep it is and what composition it is and getting across and get across the fucking river I'm fucking getting I'm going hypothermic I'm starting to shut down mentally but I'm fucking going I'm fucking shivering my instructor says fucking lather neck you're fucking making recon Marines the world proud it's cover darkness I'm almost like a little baby I'm going oh yeah because my fucking brain is breaking down because follow me follow behind him and he leads me through this ravine he goes right face I turn right all the instructors are there with machine guns and gas the shoot machine guns over my head when I'm throwing gas at me and I just start fucking running I start running and running and running on our next one well all right I kept running and running until I fell off of this ravine up and down off this ravine into another river tributary as I fell 20 feet head over feet my rifle came off of me or the sling came off m16 hit the water I hit the water no rifle no rifle and I'm searching for my rifle in the cover of darkness I'm gonna see him in moon do all these trees it's the forest and I'm looking for my rifle and then I hear Reyes Reyes I'm like oh my god it's one of my fucking teammates maybe somebody's here to help me I'm no shirt fighting gear my rifle's gone boots and silks and and I'm shitting I'm breaking down but I'm also searching for my rifle so scared and then I hear something behind me and I turn and look and I see two shadow figures that look like monsters coming out of water in black to some kind of creatures of the black lagoon coming out in this black fucking river coming out like this these big fucking black monsters as I clock them I am hit hard from behind and I almost black out but I step forward and then an arm is thrown around my neck obviously these guys didn't know I was a shallow end champion there's one thing I can do and that's fucking fight so I pivot I grip the man throw him over my shoulder and as he's flying keep positive control and smash him into these roots of the trees that are remember I'm in a fucking ravine and a canal and the roots are exposed he smashes into the fucking roots and I hear him go I hear this thing it's all in black I hear go and right there my heel hits I feel it hit my sling keeper on my sling I'm up to about mid-dye in the water and I hear clink clink I feel it on my fucking boot I get down there and I grab my fucking m16 I take it over and I'm about to fucking smash this fucking things for head and half and right as this is happening my instructor Crawford craw daddy the legend uh recombinant blows a whistle and I kind of snap and he goes leather neck whenever I hear his voice it snaps me he's my instructor leather neck you know calm down great fucking fight leather neck and I realize that these are my instructors in black paint in wetsuits in rebreathers they've been fucking clocking me the whole time funny thing about this story oh and then they find my team my team's all asleep so I'm punished and I have to run all the way back to the command post I find out later they run me that 20 miles because I was close to being dead so hypothermia and there was no way because the cloud cover that had come in that the helicopter is going to be able to get out the only way to keep me alive is to keep me running and build up heat I was so thin back then I get back to the command post months later years later some other guys that were on the course they're years later they ran into said Rudy holy shit brother I was with my team you know 10 clicks away and and I on the radio of the instructor I heard that you were being attacked by the instructors and then they said oh shit you know Reyes just fucking body slam gunnery sergeant grand and oh my god he's gonna kill him he heard they heard it on the radio he's fucking immense man can you imagine how fucking heavy and that's just I mean I know how did see when you pass see when you pass election to become one of the elite of the elite did you feel satisfied with or was there always something missing always competitive however I felt like it was the home I was always looking for I felt like it was the home that I'd always been dreaming about recon was the home I'd always been dreaming about but I but I knew to keep that home and to have space at that table I had to be number one at everything I did you see what I'm saying yeah so you were a sniper also yeah scout sniper very prestigious program your people they look up the Marine Corps scout sniper program very serious what's the training late for that would they oh and then after being a reconnaissance Marine and that confidence you apply it to everything so combat water survival swimmer then combat diver which is a very fucking heavy course by the way especially when you're from the midwest you've never been in oceans before and then ranger and jump school not no big deal but but when you get into the freefall but scout sniper is the Jedi Zen Buddhist course there's so much mathematics to learn and physical manipulations with the rifle but more than that like a huntsman you learn to feel the land and the wind and read terrain I can read maps like very few people the way special operations then read maps and look at maps and terrain is very different than anybody else in the world you read maps like they are people you know like someone that you know how you can hold onto their shoulder give them a hug that is how you see the terrain and how you will move through the terrain the vegetation and the colors that are discrepancies or that you want to blend in and how to find dead space which is completely against human nature human nature is attracted to objects our eyes are attracted to objects we're attracted to objects we'll hide behind a tree we want to know scout sniper is in the dead space where there's nothing so you're thinking well how can you hide in nothing well there's a few ways anyway it really amounts three or four months of a heavy heavy stalking shooting running fighting it's magnificent did you see that is a not it is an art it is an art I am I am uh my I've got a brother named baccalaurean buck legendary marine course scout sniper that now works for leopold optics of course my vital my team leader in the invasion sergeant patrick master gunnery sergeant marsock after he just retired two years ago uh master sniper the kind of man the kind of man that can see a drop of blood and then find the next one 30 feet away in the bush and then the next one and then we'll find the elk I have another brother walt hasser and doc brian two other brothers such fine snipers that uh this is true and witnessed they stalked a white tail deer and as walt was within 20 feet with the bow timmy brian reaches up and slams this fucking knife right into the fucking deer's neck cuts that fucking neck out fucking bleeds it out right there stalked the deer to um to grip the fucking antlers and then uh fucking uh slam him in the neck for the kill us country boys in america take this stuff very seriously it's really an art it's a very high level art and there's some really magnificent people I had a man called craig harrison on who was a master sniper craig was the world's longest sniper oh yeah he was such was that uh canadian brother he was legend and um he was yeah he's fucking but he was saying he can be somewhere on a mission and be there for two weeks straight without moving without moving yep people don't and when they judge it like I don't really know too much about it but he says you've got to judge by not just the wind but the movement of the the earth the spin of the earth and gravity the spin of the earth the atmosphere so there's so much into it brother I'll tell your audience that man I'm sure has a stacked data book every shot he's ever taken he has written the data not just of the shoot how did he feel what did he eat that day um how did the ammo that you lay down so we lay the ammo down the same way before we load it so the powder is the same buck and uh way so the burn is the same way and the and your and that so imagine this master sniper brother what's his name again I remember from our military I bet he has a data book with so much reference that he's been there done that that he's a supercomputer slash um Michelangelo Michelangelo painter you know illustrator sculptor engineer of the sniper weapon that's what that's about that's it he was doing so much damage that Al Qaeda wanted his head and had to remove him and his wife out to protect him it's fucking mad story unbelievable but he was fucking what a hero yeah prop on me he was the elite of the elite and he's a legend he's a legend that's why the sniper programs the sniper programs are so effective by the way us and Royal Marine Commandos we have an exchange for like the last 50 years we send each other's instructors to each other's schools and then teach it's an incredible special relationship we have Canadians are our brothers as well um as a fighting system a sniper is the most effective and efficient weapon system in the world yeah it's unbelievable that the craft that goes into it like what was it like you've done so much what was it like to take a life for the first time in battle I mean what you're engaging with and doing is just so out of water so beyond description I mean I mean imagine blasting through the breach in the middle of the night and the incoming fucking weapons and rockets are coming and your aircraft is coming over the sides and rockets are fucking smashing all around you and and the radio's on and in you know lives are being extinguished and there's there's a lot of funny things we were being run through a vehicle checkpoint I mean there's so many times I mean the first time I killed somebody was just a long shot and then actually the first time was just doing close air support and then machine gunning what was left but then it got more intimate and more intimate and more intimate I mean Afghanistan and now the invasions and now more intimate where sometimes they're still alive a little bit and you're gonna fucking smash you know you're gonna dead check them or you know this guy's got a throat shot out he's fucking half his chest is hanging out and you know he's you're gonna save your fucking rounds for him he's still but you know he's fucking gone in a second and then and then you know and then there's there's children caught in the middle running you know you got a you got a civilian vehicle running through your checkpoint with your wire out in your your chem lights and your Arabic sign that they run through the lines at full speed because they've got death squads behind them and because we we we very often we very often stupid entitled first worlders all of us first worlders we assume everybody can read and write and I'm fired up right now I'm fucking done with all this racism and all this freaking gender shit and all this bullshit it's all fucking bullshit there's no reason at all anybody in the first world cannot man manifest the very greatest in their life they have nothing to fucking say so we assume that these fucking good people they wire if they're running through our fucking lines in the cover of darkness they're here to suicide bomb so we're gonna fucking kill every one of them you find out of course they don't know how to read we think that everybody knows how to read no they don't people talk about the and you know what and any of you your audience out there marxist communist fucking any of that you can go fuck yourself you come to some marxist countries or some totalitarian regimes and you see what it's really like so yeah you go there and you when you pulling out the bodies hoping someone's alive and you know they're expiring and you have you know you have you have a civilian vulnerable people in pieces because you have to fucking smoke them because what other choice would we have and by the way if there's no time for interviews matter of fact general madis has just told my commander that we still have to fucking go and by the way what are you wasting time for I mean how do you even express that to anybody you know how do you even express that you know there's a lot of fakers out there brother pretend they've been there done that and fucking done the fucking hard shit you know what there's nothing like like romantic except when you win like except when you live like when they're fucking coming at you and pouring fire and and you know after those men were killed on that bridge you know I eat chow with those men in delusion hours later they're hanging up on fire and drug through the streets on that bridge we came back to chop them out of there and you're happy as hell to kill you're happy as hell to kill the enemy that's the truth anybody that tries to hurt you and your friends you're happy as hell to kill them that's the truth not being in that situation it's hard to call those shots even the sniper who I was talking about had to make calls like that the women had the buffer on but she had the two kids but the call was she's she's got a suicide bomb and sure as fuck she had the bomb inside there like these people aren't gonna kill as well the world would be an amazing place brother that's right there's no wars but there is wars like you have people have to take wars like you say a year two years before people even hear about it like the streets are safe in the uk there's a lot of shit going on in the uk now but the streets are as safe as they can be because of people like yourself like true heroes that people who serve in their missions that nobody knows but people need to understand the mental torture that used men have to go through by doing what you have to do as well like to call those shots nobody ever wants to be in that position but somebody has to do it and it's mainly yourself who have to do it like how do you then deal with that to then is that why you keep so busy train so hard and push the boundaries is to numb the sort of pain and misery and calling those shots in your life yeah you know what james for a long time i did have to numb it i had to numb it first with workaholic be a workaholic be an achiever be be a winner be all these words all these things that like that are that are elements of elements used in a human beings improvement and elements used to overcome struggle these are elements but that's not the end of be all one day you will slow down at like myself at 50 years old one day you will sit with yourself and you will think and you'll feel and you will question i pray you will question what is my purpose what is my purpose and and now i'm in a very interesting new frontier of of work spirit and family balance this is the most balance i've ever been james this is the happiest i've ever been in my life since i was born this is the most secure and and and and loved i've ever been and yet here i am what i've got what 30 more years and i do dangerous shit for work still by the way i've got what 30 more years and and nomad at like even doing great 40 more years maybe me because i'm you know shall win maybe maybe 50 more years halfway in my life and i'm finally for the first time being loved and supported and have a reason to live that's outside of me killing myself for it first time that's a beautiful thing yeah it is yeah so that's right now i'm very thankful yeah yeah how we'll touch on as well how hard is it so people can understand to lose brothers when you're in war like i don't think people realize that the extreme shit that you have to go through not just mentally and physically but emotionally and spiritually like for because you were a buddhist you studied buddhism is that correct as well i did i did i was heavy into my zen buddhism because of martial art and transcendence from poverty and martial art um and competing and fighting and all the money i make for fighting i put right back into my training i was i'm i've always been ethically at odds with materialism and and such i was hoping to talk about that with you a little bit only because even now you know i'm i've got some fame and i've got some notoriety and you know i'm marketable and marketable people position me and pressure well why aren't you doing this like what about you branding this what about your i can't fucking handle saying it but i'm going to tell the truth about it what about your instagram why are you not selling something what about your branding i'm ethically against for me with having such a very emotional and intimate and and um and purpose given life and luck to be alive to then turn into some kind of selling machine i i've you know 23 of my men died in in training my first year at the unit in training in 1999 in training 23 because the shit we do so dangerous a fucking paratrooper halo operations a massive kit at night um ship takedowns in the organ as you guys say in the sea at sea from the freaking helicopters and the fast troops go down it's so fucking dangerous as shit you talk to the boys you ever talk with billy and foxy let's tell you the same thing man you know many of their brothers fucking died in training so you know here you are going to funerals and pouring beer for the senior brothers and you're you're a young recon marine and you're dealing with death all the time and seeing wives fucking crying and children crying and little babies in the arms it's very fucking serious it's very serious but if you think back james was this any day if we were back 2000 years ago it still it would be the same just everybody was involved 2000 years ago everybody was either being conquered or conquering or their warriors were winning or being killed in them they had sisters or mothers who had lost their sons or husbands all of us did 2000 years ago now we're so separated you know that that's somebody else doing that our forces which by the way your brother my brothers here they love america how much they're respected and loved when they come to america on the planes they're clapped for they get to walk on and off first and everyone in america when they find out that the brothers were in the forces and plus they're you know i was just in new york with billy and we had an incredible time with ian asbury the lead singer of the cult he had a show there we all got to see each other with our wives and our friends and our other brothers and yet american young men coming over to say hello to billy billy billingham you know can i take a picture with you thank you for your service everybody gives these guys thank you for your service and but you know we've lost a lot of that connection and intimacy with each other that while we do have a fighting class because to enforce trade to enforce and scare evil people to have free trade to have human rights and women's rights you must be a bad motherfucker you're not gonna with diplomacy make people good you have to fucking scare them or kill them to make the good that's the truth why do you think it's human beings we do want to conquer and kill do you think it's greed but you have done the buddhism side i've touched on there enough of religion i've never now i'm just kind of being i believe i've got the goodness in the soul and the god inside me to do good on the planet but yes sometimes i've got the evil streak as well to self destruct and hate and and have vengeance yeah why do you think a human being why do you think we're all still at war not just internally but it's a good point it's just what the fuck is that about with it i didn't have a rage until i think maybe i think maybe i was just so scared of maybe releasing my pain i never let the rage out until i was until i got into the film business in hollywood and had been out of combat for two years it came out because i was drinking and doing and drugging so hard it started coming out my wife the reason why i left my wife is because she was having an affair you know i talked to a lot of military people and they're always running around on their wives and they're always basically stuck as teenagers i've never been a teenager i've never been a teenager my entire life i was a child and then an adult by about six or seven years old except not corrupted like an adult you know i wasn't chasing women and i wasn't doing drugs six or seven years old but i was making very serious hardcore decisions about how to survive and protect my brothers i was being uh i was sexually abused when i was 11 and by an uncle and when i realized what's happening i fight i fight this big man off i mean a tiny thing i'd melnutrition i'd rotten rotten teeth all my teeth are fake they had to be removed later when i went into the orphanage um and um and i grabbed little michael in the season and i put them underneath the coffee table and stand in front of them to guard my two little brothers under a coffee table to sleep so i was an adult when i was very young and then you get into being this freaking mystique video game freaking movie star war hero type of thing and it's the bitches it's the drugs it's the freaking party you know what it's an illusion i think that is why i got so angry angry at myself i was finding myself with the hell's angels with with the fucking with the hot chicks with all that stuff and it was eating my fucking heart away and i started not giving the fuck um and i realized that's that's that's what PTSD is or mental i don't like calling it mentalness i don't think it is i think it's mental injury spiritual injury from being at odds in your heart with what's happening in your life yeah to stop loving yourself the love is the strongest force on this planet like when you were talking about surrendering it's funny because i've always struggled with my relationships would they let people don't really get past three months because i feel so vulnerable that they're going to hurt me and a woman says you need to stop saying your because i used to say i need to surrender to love this woman says look surrendering means you've lost she says you need to start accepting your destiny so when a woman comes into your life don't say surrender to love say just accept your destiny and i understood that more and now i've got a partner now we're in great terms i'm still feel vulnerable sometimes because the part of me feels as if i should be am i not doing enough because i always want more in life i always thought fame and fortune would heal my pain but if anything it's scattered the pieces even more it becomes more shattering and it's understanding that everything that you've got in life is internally because even that these interviews this is a very pitiful conversation that will help change lives but the social media the money the all the bullshit the the bright lights it doesn't mean fuck all that it genuinely doesn't you will not find your happiness and your peace there but as human beings we're always testing the waters to figure out what fits and what doesn't like how did you end up in the mental institute really that was only eight eight or nine years ago i was put away for a whole year was that the whole build up of everything you've been through was that with the way of treating that as well the sexual abuse the fighting and wars everything and everything i stuffed stuffed away and everything i thought i could overcome by being the best and then you know what and i don't know if other people have talked about this on your program i heard many women probably that loved me after i got out of war or no after once once i this this fog filled chapter called success hit me where i'm around nothing but la new york and london people high-end freaking drugs sexy women all this all the shit to be honest with you all these fucking all these fucking douchebags men and women douchebags on instagram put up as like that is success for douchebags the fucking scumbags they were um that was all around me i knew it was all false and corrupt yet how would i even begin to express that i am dying inside and everyone around me is telling me this is success everyone around the culture the whole world's culture is telling me this is success living in in venice beach and la and being flown to places and to be and yet inside i knew it was all false and then i was also in a relationship where the woman completely treated me like fucking garbage and i guess maybe deep down side i thought i deserved it yet then i have um my son with his mother and i'm not available emotionally spiritually physically at all and i just i don't know enough of these successful people i hope that they actually get out there and tell the truth about this um and that's you know i had to lose it all but i almost killed my life i almost took my own life and then the idea that you know my father who never came back for me and and my mother who abandoned me and all the fucking neglect and abuse and destruction i mean it was fucking horrible um i was trying to work out you know at like the fifth or sixth or seventh school i'd been to uh between 10 and 12 years old and my teeth had rotted rotted out and fallen and and then i had this infection in my gums that i have to cut open with a knife every morning or take a flame to a safety pin and cut open the boils to drain the pus my mouth stunk so bad of rot the rot got back into my eye that i never smiled james i didn't smile until years later i finally was able to get these fake teeth but i'm gonna chip the shit now but i always there's very few pictures of my youth first of all when you're an orphan nobody gives a fuck about you to take a picture in the first place my mouth is closed like this always so having to face these things to fight on and then as hard as it was changed when i went to iraq and afghanistan and kenya and yuganta and freaking mongolia and i've seen fucking destruction and poverty and me teaching karate at fucking orphanages in africa and mosambique and the children there are there because their parents were murdered because they were stealing food i said okay rudy reyes uh you've had the greatest lottery ticket of all time your dad and mom gave you great genes you love sport you're born in the united states of america i had it all going for me that helped change the pain that i used to have or that i used to dwell on so bad i always see it all as gifts i even see the fucking challenges and struggles of my youth in combat as gifts every bit of it has been a gift for me yeah you've done amazing to be through what you've been through to where you are now and still have the smile on your face and i love you brother i genuinely do i think we're going to be friends mate and once yeah we will brother we are we are yeah i think it's fucking great you've got a phenomenal story like see when you're just before we finish up mate i won't keep you two more much longer but it's such a powerful conversation that people are going to take so much from you not giving up not quitting pushing through the dark periods and that's what it's all about because so many people are struggling even myself still struggles every fucking day i do sometimes too bro i hear you and it's fucking painful but how see when you were in the mental institute how did you get through that time because you've been through so many fucking wars you've done so much shit you've you've been used majority of your fucking life like how did you go through that dark period sorry to be so blunt you know what your ride knows the truth i was reflecting on this recently and that's why in some ways you know my my woman oh brother you gotta you know what you gotta reach out to jade sometimes she'll blow your mind she should be on your show she's magnificent she says maybe have you ever considered that you uh you have some arrested development and i said well what do you mean well you talk to the cats by the way the love of my life outside of jade is my little female cat named pants he was pants she's black and white and she's very very shy but she loves me and always rubs up on me and plays with me and will run me back to play with her in this special place with this fuzzy blanket to paw on so that then she runs to the treats so i can give her treats she's sweet enough to me to not just say daddy i'm using you for treats no i'm gonna play with you first just so you know your so that you are valued that's how my cat fucking relates to me and and i'm such a such a child with my animals and with jade and with my love ones and it's because i never was a child um and because i was used uh and then actually learned to use myself i used myself too it's not like i was the strategic drive for economic success or um or prestige or status never never interested but i used myself rudy you can take more pain you can work longer hours you can always be in camera ready condition regardless of what you're doing in combat or how much your heart's hurting because you have not seen your son in four years or that you have physical problems from immense combat brain chemical problems in which i still struggle for sleep every night especially now that i'm away from my mrs and i'm on task i struggle i struggle i can't go to sleep and i have to exhaust myself physical fitness and running the mountains to even think about going to sleep because i feel not safe um not intellectually my nervous system is not safe my physiology is scared that fucking death is right on the ground not my brain i know i know i'm okay that's how dynamic it is when you push yourself so hard so long um but at the other side of that the childishness and the hope that the childlikeness and the child in me it's not childlike it's the truth i read my comics and i watch my science fiction programs and um and of course i watch my very highbrow stuff too and read very highbrow stuff uh the other side of it it is but trust with the life and death struggles and destruction that mother nature conspires to compete because it makes stronger life forms human beings have taken that due to our success as a life form we become very successful now we are corrupting we're corrupting and uh corroding and it's up to you and i it's up to people telling the truth and being the truth to steer the course for our children i don't give you know i don't really care if the rest of society is really interested in where i'm going and how i'm doing it but i know my men and women that are rebuilding reefs and doing ocean conservation i know the lives that we touch sas sas touches lives and these all these men have been through everything to get to the hardest shit in the world just like myself that's where i'm going to focus on the struggles and the competition taken for every life form to be where it's at we humans have become so successful that now we have forgotten how blessed we are and how hard our ancestors fought to be here so i just stay grounded in that that's how i do what i do i stay grounded in that yeah that's the main thing brother what was the main reason for leaving the marines buddy brother after that last one infillusion ramadi okay i'm brother i did such heavy fucking shit brother you know i you see my looks um i dressed as a contractor or as a laundry worker or as an indigent as a as a host nation a Turk in the laundry room in the big base because we had fucking spies on the base and i'd leave the base into a taxi cab so that the um which i had been would attempt to kidnap me so that they could cut my head off so they could cut my head off on video by putting out those terror videos now James have you ever seen anybody get their fucking head cut off no fucking never fucking forget it never fucking forget it never fucking forget it you know what matter of fact when i hit this terrorist network and i got their fucking data we watched what they were doing and we saw them taking people saw sawing people's heads off i mean it filled me with such hate and rage and absolutely resolved to fucking kill every single fucking one of them so i put myself out there to be kidnapped but underneath my discharge my robes have got my fucking gun plate carriers i've got my comms and i got cut off teams and we're drawing them out brother the reason why we're drawing them out is that we don't kill a single man woman and child that seems i'm not dropping bombs on you i'm not using heavy guns on you we're in cities we drew them out and we killed them close quarter at speed on the highway and we got out of our freaking taxi cab the orange panels anybody in your audience that fought over there notes what i'm talking about orange panels on the front and back got out and dead check and put two more on each one of their fucking heads but then take their phones take pictures of these fucking assholes and then do signals intelligence on whoever they're talking to with our fucking high-end people in the triple letter agencies and then direct action or kicking flash bangs and then fucking executing bad guys and kidnapping bad guys and we shut that fucking place down and you know looking back now i don't know if i would do any of that anymore like i'd be scared i think now i'd be concerned and i'd talk a lot more i'd say all right is this plan super sharp i think back to you i was then i'm like fuck man that was a bad motherfucker of course there's a price to pay for being that guy and thank god i lived because my community and my training was so hardcore and i was so violent violence does solve problems but then through the off gas and then and and the after effects that i have a beautiful country and beautiful people that actually care about me to help me do that for the last 10 years see when you're trying to get a sniper ready why did they use to show you videos of people getting killed was that just to pop him up mentally yes yes and the data okay when you're taking this fucking 762 round it's 90 grain depending on the grain when it goes through glass and then hits the target's head the head expands three times its size and slams back into and then now look at the nervous system reaction to the body the the enemy had a weapon look at the nervous system let's look at circuitry shots let's look at pulmonary shots all data and if you even got the stones to do that by the way i didn't at the time when i saw that i got not sick to my stomach but i almost started to cry seeing a human being turned into meat like that because this is before i did a war later i had no problems turning people into me if they're on the fucking list they're fucking going down i don't care if they're 12 years old i don't care if it's a woman i don't care if it's an old man if they're on the list and they're doing what they're doing and they are on my list i don't give a fuck if i'm put them down so see when you come out the Marines is that when you really battled because you never had missions structure like was that when everything came that came to a head it was three or four years later because i was a workaholic brother similar to the Marine Corps i was the best coach the best trainer i was competing in jujitsu i was kickboxing and then next thing you know hdo calls and now i'm fucking training a whole 80 million dollar production in fucking recon skills and infantry skills and running pt and running yoga and acting at mel i worked worked worked three or four years later when finally i slowed down when are you're happiest now brother when you're with your messies in the cat yes i'm the happiest now yeah yeah and this is great too this is great too my fucking my fucking legend sas stuff is fantastic because i am being utilized in such a way and uh and it's impacting the world and it's it's impacting the world's impact in my life i have a great living i have my retirement disability from the Marine Corps i've got my pay for my productions my wife and i jade and i will have a ranch with horses soon and a child soon um however this is the juice to get me back home and what's so funny just like in the unit as soon as billy and i are back home and foxy are back home we're just looking how do we get back together so billy and i spend time in florida and in new york and we travel the world and we're you know we're gonna go see the king of jordan and spend time with him and foxy's coming on to force blue just like it's the best of everything now now we do not have the um pathologies and the uh and the and the the anger we only have the love yet we can still be warriors we all know each other's wives and families billy knows my other recon brothers and my seal brothers um he was just at my brother's uh my my uh my blood brother's um uh birthday that we had in new york city and he knows my family it's the best brother that's what it is this is the best i've never been better um i have a little arthritis i have you know you know a little wear and tear but fuck it was worth it that's okay it was worth it 50 years old like the life that people now know your back store everything you've been through as a kid to then having a big smile in your face how did the celeb scs come about because foxy billy let their two fucking legends in their own right like how did americans get involved with the british one brother it's because of that freaking it's because of uh lots upon a time in iraq and you know what i would only find out months later i had no idea that ant was being fired i had no idea about any of the dramas of that when they reached out to me on the strength of the bafta award-winning once upon a time in iraq minnow film says i minnow film said i want rudy reyes um i didn't know that ant was being fired i was a huge fan of the show my mrs and i were a huge huge fan of the show of course we always you know actually billy is the fucking man now he's really coming into his own he's the funniest smartest sharpest guy in the world we were huge foxy fans but we loved ant too i loved ant too i loved all the i love billy but billy billy didn't brother billy is the smartest the funniest the most nobody's got more one-liners in the world than that man and no one's got more combat experience in the world than that man so but jade now we're always talking guys you know but we love the ant too so so uh we loved them all we loved them all when they reached out to me during covid after i had my own show canceled because no one in los angeles or america was working shut everything down i already had a show sold a rad fucking spiritual military mystery uh a combat mindset fucking buddhist warrior show called haunted battlefields wow shut down no work knee surgery first time ever having a surgery uh put on a little bit of weight because you know i'm a little older than and i'm not running around and kickboxing all the time self-esteem down everything going to the toilet i'm in idaho uh i don't know what i'm gonna do for my rest of my fucking life i don't know if i'm gonna work again this is like a year and a half ago sas calls um i come out on the wreck with billy best friends ever since billy is the older brother i've never had i fucking love that man follow him follow him to hell uh immediately like fucking cheese and carrots we're like peas and carrots we're together it's and we're talking to foxy on video foxy comes in for the next wrecking now we can't be stopped um i find out that ant is not coming back and then i find out why no big deal we're gonna drive on but then i get the call that they would like me to be chief instructor i said what i thought i was just the fucking i thought i was the new guy and i am new so i said what and so i called billy and foxy to hey brothers this is what's going down what do you think because i'm not gonna do it if you guys are not down with it i'm not doing this i'm not gonna disrespect your show you all built it to include ant you will built this show and i'm not coming in to fucking um i'm not coming in and fucking stealing anybody's thunder because i respect and you know it was billy billy says mate you got the energy you got the passion you just what we need mate calm bro i said fucking all right so that's how started yeah how does it feel that ant meadowton's kind of firing shots at you he's very immature he's a very immature person um and it's obvious how narcissistic he is um and of course you know what if he was ever face to face with me he wouldn't say a thing he'd have no chance not against me um believe that um believe that um i've always wished him the best but i believe he's painted himself into a corner he runs his mouth all the time uh and he doesn't and he treats people poorly that's all i'd say plans for the future my brother like i said this is one of the best call i've done 300 interviews and this is one of the best conversations i've had that you're a fucking nutcase but there's such a good vibe mate yeah yeah like you know that yourself but there's such a fucking good vibe mate there's such you've got thanks brother even though all this shit you've done in your life i even know the bad stuff that you've done even your soul still clean mentally you're fucking off your nut mate part of me feels like i know you're Scottish mate and a previous life maybe so maybe so brother maybe so you know what one day we gotta revisit this another time and i'm bringing a couple of my mates with me please do they're fucking they're crazier than me like i'm the calm one what's the plans for the future my brother oh brother that's so much great thing well force blue is doing very well we will we're at the Super Bowl again we are the veterans nonprofit of the NFL and Pepsi uh you know saving uh coral reefs and and doing ocean conservation while saving one freaking veteran at a time and when you save a veteran or when you give a veteran purpose and a warrior purpose uh James you're giving you're saving whole families because it's the families that struggle even were harder than us because they're in pain because of we're in pain but they have no direct connection to change it only we can change it so um force blue is is doing magnificence and we're reaching out to Jason Lamala and there's some talks about getting him together with force blue and doing a profound um you know national geographic or i max or discovery channel series in which we travel the world doing a heavy duty so why force blue so powerful is that us combat divers and and commandos can do ocean work that no one else can we're physically stronger and have more experience to do things subsurface that other people can't especially with high seas and such um Moa is uh conservationists as well so we're looking at doing more of that i write um i write films and television i i do some acting i train uh so that i have a long life as long as i can't have a child jade and raise them for the first time be home to raise a child those are my goals man brother you tell your audience see it you know this is just the beginning baby i mean there's a lot more to come yeah because billy and uh foxy are two fucking legends one like you're you're like even yeah this conversation this podcast will do really well is and you'll get a lot of messages so where can people contact you brother brother i guess i got uh i got the website really raised calm you can get on the link tree on the instagram you know i i've had like managers and agents in the past just stole all my money and i got twitter way back i never use it i don't like talking on it because too many people talk with no accountability but i have instagram i've even locked out on my facebook because i've changed my phone number like three years ago or whatever you know if your work is all your other brothers and sisters that are you looking at you james as a example or even me too about how to push forward your way of life and your curiosity and goodness to create platforms and bring people together people that want to do youtube people that want to do uh social media in which to expand a platform so that they do things that are really good for them or the world anybody wants to be a competitive athlete or an actor or wants to be a command bill um just steal your message to what's truly righteous in your heart and so i just keep it simple you can find me with my agency which is like you know apa i've got a big hollywood agent you just google my name i love this rude rudy reyes rudy reyes is a common mexican name brother do you know that yeah it's a common mexican name google rudy reyes and see who comes up it's me another advice another advice to your audience take it from rudy reyes get to a level no matter what your name is that when they google you're the first fucking name up there yeah that's when you know you've made it brother oh force blue force blue team dot org for any veteran or family that is struggling it wants to come go to work underwater and on the boat and get some health and happiness and help the planet get on force blue team dot org you'll see it all on my link tree it's easy to find rudy reyes last question brother or just last bit of advice for any i know you've battled with mental health yourself so for anybody that's in the struggle right now brother what advice would you have for them best thing in the world that's ever happened from brothers and sisters in struggle is that we do have social media reach out you're gonna find so many people love you and want you to be here do not succumb to the sadness and the voice inside that you feel useless or no good reach out to one reach out to five you're gonna find out they all love you and they're gonna want you to stay here that's it just want to say fucking great so many unbelievable points of view today you've done amazing proud of you i mean you're in the UK man let's catch up and uh i'll be coming out real soon brother yeah but love you brother and thanks for your time god bless you and i always see god bless you brother god bless you got it i'll be there we'll do more in the future brother we'll do more in the future thank you brother god bless love you brother love you brother