 CHAPTER 1 From the back parlor there came the sound of fresh young voices brimming with energy. Several voices at once, indeed, after the fashion of eager young ladies well acquainted with one another and having important schemes to further. Occasionally there were bursts of laughter indicating that freedom of speech in good fellowship reigned among the workers. The committee, or the society, or the association, whatever it was, was breaking up, for the door was ajar, one young lady standing near it, her handout as if to open it wider, preparatory to departure, while she waited to say another of the many last things. Workers were drawing raps about them, or donning furs and overshoes, and talking as they worked. Their voices, clear and brisk, sounded distinctly down the long hall. And about the committee on a ward, you will attend to that, Claire, will you not? Oh, and what are we to do about Mrs. Stewart? Why, Claire promised to see her, she is just the one to do it, Mrs. Stewart will do anything for her. And Claire, you must be sure to see the Sniders before the judge starts on his southern trip. If we don't get his positive promise, we may have trouble. Claire Benedict, you promised to help me with my Turkish costume, you know, I haven't the least idea how to get it up. Then a younger voice, Mrs. Claire, you will drill me on my recitation, won't you? Mama says you are just the one to show me how. And oh, Claire, don't forget to see that ponderous Doctor Wheelock, and get his subscription. It frightens me to think of going to him. In the sitting-room opposite stood Claire's younger sister, Dora Benedict. She had just come in from the outer world, and with part of her rep still gathered about her, stood watching the falling snow, and listening to the voices in the back parlor. At this point, she spoke, Mama, just hear the girls. They are heaping up the work on Claire, giving her the planning and the collecting and the drilling and the greater portion of the program to attend to, and she calmly agrees to do it all. Your sister has a great amount of executive ability, my dear, and is always to be depended upon. Such people are sure to have plenty of burdens to carry. Mrs. Benedict said this in a gently modulated, satisfied voice, and leaned back in her easy chair, and smiled as she spoke. She delayed a stitch in her crimson tidy, while she listened a moment to the sound of Claire's voice, calmly and assuringly shouldering the burdens of work, promising here, offering there, until the listeners in the sitting-room were prepared to sympathize with the words spoken in the parlor in a relieved tone of voice. I declare, Claire Benedict, you are a host in yourself. What we should do without you is more than I can imagine. I should think as much. This from the girl in the brown-plumed hat, who listened in the next room. You couldn't do without her. That is just all there would be about it. Two-thirds of your nice plans, for which you get so much credit, would fall through. Mama, do you think Claire ought to attempt so much? Well, I don't know, responded the gentle-faced woman thus appealed to, pausing again in her fancy work to consider the question. Claire has remarkable talent, you know, in all these directions. She is a born organizer and leader, and the girls are willing to follow her lead. I don't know, but she works too hard. It is difficult to avoid that, with so many people depending on her. I don't myself see how they would manage without her. You know Dr. Ellis feels much the same. He was telling your father, only last night, that there was not another young lady in the church on whom he could depend, as he did on her. Your father was amused at his earnestness. He said he should almost feel like giving up his pastorate here if he should lose her. Claire is certainly a power in the church and the society generally. I should feel sorry for them if they were to lose her. The mother spoke this sentence quietly, with the unruffled look of peace and satisfaction on her face. No foreboding of loss came to her. She thought it is true of the barely possible time when her eldest daughter might go out from this home into some other and have other cares and responsibilities, but the day seemed very remote. Claire was young and was absorbed in her church and homework. Apparently, even the suggestion of another home had not come to her. It might never come. She might live always in the dear home nest, sheltered and sheltering in her turn others less favored. Or in the event of a change, sometime in the future, it might be possibly just from one street in the same city to another, and much of the old life go on still. And in any event, the mother could say their loss not mine, for the sense of possible separation had not come near enough to shadow the mother's heart as yet. She lived in the dreamland of belief that a married daughter would be as near to the mother and the home as an unmarried one. Therefore her face was placid, and she sewed her crimson threads and talked placidly of what might have been but was not. The future looked serene and smiling. You see, she continued to the young and but half-satisfied daughter, it is an unusual combination of things that makes your sister so important to this society. There are not many girls in it who have wealth and leisure, and the peculiar talents required for leadership. Run over the list in your mind, and you will notice that those who have plenty of time would not know what to do with it unless Claire were here to tell them, and those who have plenty of money would fritter it all away without her to guide and set a grand example for them. I am not questioning her ability, Mama, the daughter said with a little laugh. That is, her mental ability. But it seems to me they ought to remember that she has a body as well as the others. Still she will always work at something, I suppose. She is made in that mold. Mama, what do you suppose Claire would do if she were poor? I haven't the least idea, daughter. I hope she would do the best she could. But I think I feel grateful that there seems little probability of our discovering by experience. Still, one can never tell what may happen. Oh, no, that is true. I was speaking of probabilities. Still, the mother's face was placid. She called them probabilities, but when she thought of her husband's wealth and position in the mercantile world, they really seemed to her very much like certainties. And now the little coterie in the back parlor broke up in earnest and, exclaiming over the lateness of the hour, made haste into the snowy world outside. Claire followed the last one to the door, a young and pretty girl afraid of her own decided capabilities, unless kissed and petted by this stronger spirit into using them. You will be sure to do well, Alice, dear, and remember I depend on you. This was the last drop of dew for the frightened young flower, and it brightened visibly under it and murmured, I will do my best, I don't want to disappoint you. Then Claire came into the sitting-room and dropped with an air of satisfied weariness into one of the luxurious chairs and folded her hands to rest. Dora thinks you are carrying too much on your shoulders, dear. This is from the fancy worker. Oh, no, Mama, my shoulders are strong. Everything is in fine train. I think our girls are really getting interested in missions now, as well as in having a good time. That is what I am after, you know, but some of them don't suspect it. Why didn't you come to the committee meeting, Dora? I have but just come in from Strassers, on that commission, you know, and I thought if I appeared there would be so many questions to answer and so much to explain that the girls would not get away tonight. Oh, did you see Mr. Strausser? Well, what did he say? And Claire sat erect, her weariness gone, and gave herself to work again. The doorbell rang, and she was presently summoned to the hall. One of your poor persons was the servant's message. There seemed to be a long story to tell, and Claire listened and questioned and commented, and rang the bell to give directions for a certain package from a certain closet to be brought, and sent Dora to her room for her pocket book, and finally the poor person went away, her voice sounding cheered and grateful as she said inquiringly, then you will be sure to come over to-morrow. Dora laughed as Claire returned to the easy chair. How many things are you going to do to-morrow, Claire? I heard you promised the girls a dozen or so, and that reminds me that Dr. Ellis wants to know if you will look in to-morrow and go with Mrs. Ellis to call on a new family of whom he said he told you. I know, said Claire. I was thinking about them this morning. I must try and go to-morrow. They are people who ought not to be neglected. Did he say at what hour? Oh, Mama, have you that broth ready for Aunt Kate? I might go around there with it now. I shall not have time to-morrow, and I promised her I would come myself before the week closed. Then the fast-falling snow was discussed, and demurred over a little by mother and younger sister, and laughingly accepted by Claire as a pleasant accessory to a winter walk. And it ended, as things are apt to end in that family, in Claire having her own way and sallying forth equipped for the storm with her basket of comforts on her arm. She looked back to Dora to say that Mama must not worry if she were detained, for she had promised to look in at Mr. Anstead's and make some arrangements for tomorrow's committee meeting, and to add that the papers in the library were to be left as they were ready for tomorrow. It is the eventful day, she said laughingly. Our work is to culminate then. We are to discover what the fruit of all this getting ready is. We are to have things just as they are to be, without a break or a pause. Perhaps, said Dora, why do you say perhaps, you naughty croaker? Do you dare to think that anything will be less than perfect after the weeks of labor we have given it? How can I tell? Nothing is ever perfect. Did you ever notice, Claire, that it is impossible to get through a single day, just as one plans it? I have noticed it, Claire answered, smiling, but I did not know that your young head had taken it in. Ah, but I have. I plan occasionally myself, but I am like Paul in one thing, anyway, how to perform I find not. It is worse on Saturday than any other day. I almost never do as I intended. I wouldn't quote Bible verses with a twisted meaning if I were you, little girl. It is a dangerous habit. I know by experience. They so perfectly fit into life that one is sorely tempted, but I am not often troubled in the way you mention. My plans generally come out all right, possibly because I have studied them from several sides and foreseen and provided for hindrances. There is a great deal in that. You see, tomorrow, if I don't get through all the engagements laid out for it, I have studied them all and there really can't anything happen to throw me very far off my program. There was an air of complacency about the speaker and a satisfied smile on her face as she tripped riskily away. She was a skillful and successful general. Was there any harm in her realizing it? Dora went back to the gentle mother. The house will be alive all day tomorrow, Mama. Claire has half a dozen committee meetings here at different hours and a great rehearsal of all their exercises for the literary entertainment. There will be no place for quiet, well-behaved people like you and me. What do you suppose is the matter with me? I feel like a croaker. If Claire had not just scolded me for quoting the Bible to suit my moods, I should have said to her, Boast not thyself of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Mrs. Benedict looked up searchingly into the face of her young daughter, who was so unlike her sister, who took life doubtfully and bristled with interrogation points and dreamed while the other worked and leaned on Claire everywhere and always, even as she knew she did herself. Claire isn't boastful, dear, I think, she said gently. It is right for her to rest in the brightness of the present and to trust tomorrow. Oh, she has planned tomorrow, Mama. There is nothing to trust about. Then after a moment, Mama, she is good and splendid just as she always is and I am cross. Whereupon she sprang to meet her father and before he had divested himself of his snowy greatcoat, she had covered his bearded face with kisses and dropped some tears on his hands. It was after family worship that evening when the father stood with a daughter on either side of him with an arm around each that he rallied Dora on her tearful greeting. Dora is mercurial, her mother said. Her birthday comes in April and there is very apt to be a shower right in the midst of sunshine. She has studied too hard today. The father said, kissing her fondly. After a good night's rest, the sunshine will get the better of the showers. They both need developing in exactly different ways. He said to the mother when they were left to themselves. He looked after his two beautiful daughters fondly as he spoke, but the last words they had heard from him were, good night, daughters. Get ready for a bright tomorrow. The storm is about over. The storm did not trouble me, said Claire. Real work often gets on better in a storm and I think we shall have a chance to try it. I think papa is mistaken. The sky says to me that we shall have a stormy day. When tomorrow came, the sun shone brilliantly in a cloudless sky, but every shutter in the Benedict mansion was closed and crepe streamed from the doorknobs. And during all that memorable day, neither daughter did one thing that had been planned for the day before. End of chapter one, recording by Tricia G. Chapter two of Interrupted by Pansy. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter two, why? Just at midnight, that is, just at the donning of the tomorrow for which so much had been planned, Claire was awakened by a quick, decisive knock at her door, followed by a voice which expressed haste and terror. Miss Claire, your mother wants you to come right away and bring Miss Dora. Your father is sick. And Claire was alert in an instant, wakening, soothing, and helping the frightened Dora. She herself was not greatly alarmed. It is true her father was not subject to sudden illnesses, but then men were often sick and very sick, too, while the attack lasted. She called to mind the story Nettie Stewart had told her that afternoon, how Papa was so ill the night before that they really thought he would die and everybody in the house was waiting up on him. Yet Papa had been at the bank that next day, looking nearly as well as usual. Had it been her frail mother who was ill, Claire felt that her pulses might have quickened more than they did now. Mama did not seem strong enough to bear much pain, but Papa was a man of iron frame, everybody said. She told over some of these encouraging thoughts to Dora while she helped her to dress. Don't tremble so, darling. There is nothing to be frightened about. Papa has one of his dreadful headaches, I presume, and Mama needs us to help care for him. You know she is not feeling so well as usual. She promised to call me the next time Papa needed nursing. Men are so unused to suffering that a pain is something terrible to them while it lasts. They sped down the stairs together, Claire having slackened none of her speed because she believed there was no cause for alarm. Her hand was on her mother's doorknob when the door swung open and the mother's white face made her start back in a fright. Where are they? She said in a strange agonized voice, groping about with her hand as though she did not see distinctly, though the hall was brightly lighted. Oh, children, children, you are too late. Oh, why? And she fell senseless at their feet and Claire was bending over her, lifting her in trembling arms, trying to speak soothing words, all the time wondering in a terror-stricken way what all this could mean. Too late for what? They had to settle down to inevitable facts as so many poor souls before and since have had to do. Of course, the first wildness of grief passed and they realized, but too well, that the father who had kissed them and made them look out for a bright tomorrow had gone away and taken all the brightness of the tomorrow with him. At first they could not believe it possible. Father dead. Why, his robust frame in splendid physique had been the remark of guests ever since they could remember. He had been fond of boasting that a physician had not been called for him in 20 years. Well, the physician arrived too late on this particular night when he had been called. Another call had been louder and the father went to answer to it. Well, for him that he had long before made ready for this journey and that there was nothing in the summons that would have alarmed him had he been given time to have realized it. The poor widow went over again and again the details of that awful hour. We had a little talk together just as usual. Much of it was about you. That was natural too. He talked a great deal about you children and on that evening he said after you left the room that you both needed developing in different ways and sometimes it troubled him to know how it was to be done. I did not understand him and I asked what he meant. He said some things that I will try to tell you when my head is clearer. He was very earnest about it and asked me to kneel down with him and he prayed again for you dear girls and for me a wonderful prayer. It wasn't like any that I ever heard before. Oh, I might have known then that it was to prepare me but I didn't think of such a thing. I asked him if he felt well and he said, oh yes, only more tired than usual. It had been a hard day and there were business matters that were not so smooth as he could wish but he told me there was nothing to worry about only affairs that would require careful handling such as he meant to give them. Then he dropped to sleep and I lay awake a little thinking over what he had said about you too and wondering if he was right in his conclusions. At last I slept too and I knew nothing more until his heavy breathing awakened me. I made all possible haste for lights and sent for the doctor and for you just as soon as I could get an answer to the bell and Thomas was quick too but it seemed an age. The moment I had a glimpse of your father's face I knew something dreadful was the matter but I did not think even then that he was going to leave me. At this point the desolate wife would break into a storm of tears and the daughters would give themselves to soothing words and tender kisses and put aside as best they could the consuming desire to know what that dear father's last thoughts had been for them. Well the days passed isn't it curious how time moves along steadily after the object for which we think time was made had slipped away. This sudden death however had made an unusual break in the usual order of things. Mr. Benedict's name was too closely identified with all the business interests of the city as well as with its moral and religious interests not to have his departure from their mist make great differences and be widely felt. The few days following his death were days of general and spontaneous public demonstration. On the afternoon of the funeral great warehouses were closed because his name was identified with them. Stores were closed because Crape waved from the doors of his the largest in the line. The first national bank was closed for he was one of the directors. The public schools were closed because he had been prominent among their board of directors. And it was so that on every street some token of the power of the great man gone was shown. As for the church and the Sabbath school and the prayer room they were draped in mourning but that feebly expressed the sense of loss. We can't close our doors to show our sorrow said Dr. Ellis his lips tremulous. We have need to throw them more widely open and rally with renewed effort for one of the mighty has fallen. To the widow and her girls there was as the hours passed a sort of sad pleasure in noting this universal mourning in listening to the tearful words expressing a sense of personal loss which came right from the hearts of so many men and women and children. They began to see that they had not half realized his power in the community as young men in plain sometimes rough dress men whose names they had never heard and whose faces they had never seen came and stood over the coffin and dropped great tears as they told in the brief and subdued language of the heart of some lift or word or touch of kindness that this man had given them just when they needed it most. Born of these tender and grateful tributes from all classes was a drop of bitterness that seemed to spread as Claire turned it over in her troubled heart. It could all be suggested to those familiar with the intricacies of the human heart by that one little word, why? It sometimes becomes an awful word with power to torture the torn heart almost to madness. Why was father a man so good so true so grand so sadly needed in this wicked world snatched from it just in the prime of his power? She brooded over this in silence and in secret not wishing to burden her mother's heart by the query not liking to add a suggestion of bitterness to Dora's sorrowful cup. Only once when a fresh exhibition of his care for others and the fruited bore was unexpectedly made to them she was betrayed into exclaiming I cannot understand why it was. Whether the mother understood her or not she did not know, she hoped not. She was sorry she had spoken but presently the mother roused herself to say gently you girls were on your father's heart in a strange way that last talk about you I must try to tell you of when I can the substance of it I have told you he thought you both needed developing Dora dear he said you needed more self reliance that you had too many props and depended on them he might have said the same of me I depended on him more than I knew he said you needed to be thrust out a little and learn to stand alone and brave winds and storms and Claire I don't think I fully understood what he wanted for you only he said that you needed to trust less to your own self and lean on Christ. After this word from her father Claire sat in startled silence for a few minutes then took it to her room. Did you ever notice that the storms of life seem almost never to come in detached waves but follow each other in rapid succession when the Benedict family parted for the night less than a week after the father had been laid in the grave Dora said listlessly to her sister there is one little alleviation I think to a heavy blow for a while at least nothing else seems heavy things that troubled me last week seem so utterly foolish today I don't this evening seem to care for anything that could happen to us now to us three I mean. Before noon of the next day she thought of that sentence again with a sort of dull surprise at her own folly how do such things occur I cannot tell yet how many times in your life have you personally known of them families who are millionaires today and beggars tomorrow it was just that sort of blow which came to the Benedict came indeed because of the other one and followed hard after it businessmen tried to explain matters to the widow a peculiar complication of circumstances existed which called for her husband's clear brain and wise handling had he lived all would have been well there was scarcely a doubt of it had he been able to give one week more to business he would have shaped everything to his mind but the call came just at the moment when he could least be spared and financial ruin had followed mrs. Benedict in her widow's cap with her plaintive white face her delicate trembling hands working nervously in her lap from which the crimson fancy work was gone tried to understand the bewilderments which one after another were presented to her and grew less and less able to take in the meaning of the great words and at last raised herself from her easy chair looked round pitifully for Claire and sunk back among the cushions her face if possible whiter than before the elder daughter came swiftly forward from her obscurity in the back parlor and stood beside her mother I beg pardon gentlemen but mama does not understand business terms my father never burdened her with them will you let me ask you a few plain questions is my father's money all gone the gentleman looked from one to another and hesitated at last the lawyer among them said he feared that is it was believed it seemed to be almost certain that when all the business was settled there would be a mere pittance left the next question has two red spots to glow on Claire's cheeks but she held her head erect and her voice was steady and today does anybody think that my father did wrong in any way mama with a tender apologetic glance at her people say such things sometimes you know when they do not understand but the gentleman could be valuable now oh no no indeed not a breath of suspicion attached to his name his intentions were as clear as the sunlight and the fact was he had periled his own fortune in a dangerous time to help others who were in straights and he had been called to leave it at a dangerous time and disaster had followed one question more will others be sufferers through this disaster the answer was not so ready the gentleman seemed to find it necessary to look again at one another they however finally admitted to each other that there was property enough to cover everybody's loss if that were the wish of the family this without any doubt but there would be almost nothing left very well Claire said then we can bear it we thank you gentlemen and you may be sure of this one thing that no person shall lose a penny through our father's loss if we can help it now may I ask you to leave further particulars until another time mama has born as much as she can today and the gentleman as they went down the steps of the great brownstone front said to each other that benedict had left a splendid girl with self-reliance enough to manage for herself and take care of the family yet I suppose there had never been a time when Claire benedict felt more as though all the powers which had hitherto sustained her were about to desert and leave her helpless then she did when she controlled her own dismay and helped her mother to bed and sat beside her and bathed her head and steadily refused to talk or to hear her mother talk about this new calamity but literally hushed her into quiet into sleep then indeed she took time to cry as few girls cry as Claire benedict had never cried before in her life her self-reliance seemed gone as the passion of her voiceless grief swayed and fairly frightened her there stole suddenly into her heart the memory of the last message Claire needs to trust less to herself and lean on Christ end of chapter two recording by Tricia G chapter three of Interrupted by Pansy this Librabox recording is in the public domain chapter three out in the world I am not sure that I would even if I could give you a detailed account of the days which followed what is the use of trying to live pain over again on paper yet some people need practice of this sort to enable them to have any idea of the sorrows of their hearts I wonder if you ever went through a large elegantly furnished house from room to room and dismantled it packing away this thing as far as possible from curious eyes soiling the velvet or the satin or the gilding of it perhaps with bitter tears while you worked marking that thing with a ticket containing two words which had become hateful to you for sale hiding away some special treasure in haste lest the unexpected sight of it might break a heart that was just now bearing all it could has such experience ever been yours then you know all about it and can an imagination follow Claire Benedict from addict to basement of her father's house and no words of mine can make the picture plainer if it is something you have never experienced or even remotely touched you may think you are sympathetic and you may gravely try to be but nothing that printed words can say will be apt to help you much in realizing the bitterness of such hours isn't it a blessed thing that it is so suppose we actually bore on our hearts the individual griefs of the world how long would our poor bodies be in breaking under the strain he had born our griefs and carried our sorrows it took the infinite to do this through all the miseries of the two weeks during which the process of dismantling went on Claire Benedict sustained her character for self-reliance and systematic energy she stood between her mother and the world she interviewed carmen and porters and auctioneers and talked calmly about the prices of things the thought of selling which made her flesh fairly quiver she super intended the moving of heavy furniture and the packing of delicate glasses and vases after they had been chosen from the home treasures at private sale she discussed with possible purchasers the value of this or that carpet and calculated back to see how long it had been in use when the very bringing of it into the home had marked an anniversary which made her cheek pale and her breath come hard as she tried to speak the date there were some who tried to shield her from some of these bitter experiences there were kind offers of assistance made it is true in the main by those who were willing but incompetent but Claire was in the mood to decline all the help she could do her best there was still so much help actually required that it made her blush to think of it there are a hundred things they want to know she would explain to those who begged her not to tear her heart and wear her strength by walking through the rooms with those who had come to purchase possibly certainly to see and to ask there are a hundred things they want to know that only mama or I can tell them it shall never be mama and I would rather face them and wait on them alone than to creep out at call like an ashamed creature to answer their demands there is nothing wicked about it and I ought to be able to bear what others have had to nevertheless it was cruel work she knew when the two weeks of private sale were over and she stood battered and bruised in soul over the forlorn rex of the ruined home that she had not understood before what a strain it was to be she had almost born it alone it was true as she had said that it must be either mama or herself those who were now loving tenderness had tried to help realize this after the first day I don't know really I will ask miss Benedict was the most frequent answer to the endless questions Dora's pitiful attempts to help bear the burden seemed to give her sister more pain than anything else and one day went to the persistent questioning of a woman in a cotton velvet sack about the first value of a Persian rug of peculiar pattern in coloring Dora dropped down on a hasic in a burst of tears and sobbed oh I don't know how much it cost but I know Papa bought it when he came from Europe the day I was fourteen oh Papa Papa what shall I do Claire came from the next room calm pale cold as a statue just a swift touch of tenderness for Dora as she stooped over her saying run away darling I will attend to this then she was ready to discuss the merits possible and probable of the Persian rug or of anything else in the room when the woman in the sham velvet bunglingly tried to explain that she did not mean to hurt poor Dora's feelings she was answered quietly even gently that no harm had been done that Dora was but a child when the woman was gone without the Persian rug the price having been too great for her purse Claire went swiftly to the sobbing Dora and extracted a promise from her that she would never know never attempt to enter one of the public rooms again during those hateful two weeks and she kept her promise the next thing now that the private sale had closed and Claire could be off guard was house hunting not in the style of some of her acquaintances with whom she had explored certain handsome rows of houses for rent feeling secretly very sorry for them that they had to submit to the humiliation of living in rented houses and be occasionally subject to the miseries of moving Claire Benedict had never moved but once which was when her father changed from his handsome house on one avenue to his far handsomer one on a grander avenue which experience was full of delight to the energetic young girl very different was this moving to be she was not looking for a house she was not even looking for a handsome half of a double house which were the air of belonging to one family nor could she even honestly say she was looking for a flat because they must if possible get along with even less room than this to so low an estate had they fallen in an hour you do not want me to linger over the story nor try to give you any of the shuttering details the rooms were found in rented Claire adding another drop to her bitter cup by seeking out judge Simons as her security they were moved into not until they had been carefully cleaned and brightened to the best of the determined young girls ability two carpets had been saved from the wreck for mother's room and the general sitting room and a pitiful not to say painful effort had been made to throw something like an air of elegance around mama's room she recognized it the moment she looked on it with lips that quivered but with a face that bravely smiled as she said daughter you have done wonders she wanted instead to cry out what was me what shall I do this little mother used to sheltering hands had been a constant and tender lesson to Claire all through the days she had not broken down and laying down and died as at first Claire had feared she would neither had she wept and moaned as one who would not be comforted she had leaned on Claire it is true but not in a way that seems like an added burden it was rather a bomb to the sore heart to have mama gently turned to her for a decisive word and depend on her advice somewhat as she had depended on the father it had not been difficult to get a promise from her to have nothing to do with the dreadful sales no dear she had said quietly when Claire made her plea I will not try to help in that direction I know that I should hinder rather than help you can do it all much better than I you are like your father my child he always took the hard things so that I did not learn how the very work with which the mother quietly occupied herself was pathetic it had been their pleasure to see her fair hands busy with the bright wolves and silks and velvets of fancy work such as the restless young schoolgirl was too nervous to care for and the energetic elder daughter was too busy to find time for it had been their pride to point to many delicate pieces of cunning workmanship and say they were mamas so different from most other mothers Dora would say fondly and proudly but on the morning that the sale commenced the mother had gone over all the wolves and silks and canvas and packed them away with that unfinished piece of crimson and thereafter her needle though busy took the stitches that the discharge seamstress had been want to take Claire found her one day patiently darning a rent in a fast breaking tablecloth which had been consigned by the housekeeper to the drawer for old linen scarcely anything in the history of the long weary day touched Claire so much as this such power have the little things to sting us some way we make ourselves proof against the larger ones there had been very little about the experiences of these trying weeks that had to be brought before the family for discussion they were spared the pain of argument there had not been two minds about the matter for a moment everything must go the creditors must be satisfied to the uttermost farthing if possible that is a matter of course never mind what the law allowed them they knew nothing about the law cared nothing for it they would even have given up their keepsakes and their very dresses had there been need and they could have found purchasers but there had been no need disastrous as the failure had been it was found that there was unencumbered property enough to pay every creditor and have more furniture left than they knew what to do with besides a sum of money so small indeed that at first poor Claire unused to calculating on such a small scale had curled her lip in very scorn and thought that it might as well have gone with the rest there came a day when they were settled in those ridiculously small rooms with every corner and cranny in immaculate order and had reached the disastrous moment when they might fold their hands and do nothing alas for Claire if there was one thing that she had always hated it was to do nothing she was almost glad that it was not possible for her to do this the absurd little sum set to her credit in the first national bank of which her father had for so many years been a part would barely suffice to pay the ridiculously small rent of these wretched rooms and provide her mother with food and clothing she must support herself she must do more than that dora must be kept in school but how was all this to be done the old question she had puzzled over it a hundred times for some poor woman on her list she thought of them now only with shivers executive ability dear yes she had always been admired for having it but it is one thing to execute when you have but to put your hand in your pocket for the money that is needed for carrying out your designs or if their chance not to be enough therein trip lightly up the great granite steps of the all-powerful bank asked to see papa a minute and come out replenished it was quite another thing when neither pocket nor bank had ought for her and the first snows of winter were falling on father's grave she had one talent marked and cultivated to an unusual degree she had thought of it several times with a little feeling of assurance everybody knew that her musical education had been thorough in the extreme and that her voice was wonderful she had been told by her teachers many a time that a fortune lay locked up in it now was the time for the fortune to come forth she must teach music she must secure a position in which to sing on a salary claire benedict of two months ago had been given to curling her lip just a little over the thought that christian young men and women had to be paid for contributing their voices to the worship of god on the Sabbath day the claire benedict of today with that great gulf of experience between her and her yesterday said with a sob that she would never sneer again at any honest thing which women did to earn their living she herself would become a salaried singer yes but how to bring it to pass did you ever notice how strangely the avenues for employment which have been just at your side seemed to close when there is need more than once had representatives of fashionable churches said wistfully to claire if we could only have your voice in our choir now a little exertion on her part served to discover to her the surprising fact that there were no vacancies among the churches where salaried singers were in demand yes there was one and they sought her out the offered salary would have been a small fortune to her in her present need but she could not worship in that church she would not sing the praises of god merely for money there was earnest urging but she was firm there was a specious hint that true worship could be offered anywhere but claire replied but your hymns ignore the doctrine on which i rest my hope for this life and for the future it was a comfort to her to remember that when she mentioned the offer to her mother and sister and said that she could not accept it her mother had replied promptly of course not daughter and even dora who was at the questioning age inclined to toss her head a little bit at isms and creeds and hint at the need for liberal views and a broader platform said what an idea i should have supposed that they would have known better but it was the only church that offered neither did claire blame them it was honest truth there was no opening a year ago six months ago why even two months ago golden opportunities would have awaited her but just now every vacancy was satisfactorily filled why should those giving satisfaction and needing the money be discharged to make room for her who needed it no less claire was no week on reasoning girl who desired any such thing as for two months ago at that time the thought of the possibility of ever being willing to feel such a place had not occurred to her and of chapter three recording by trisha g chapter four of interrupted by pansey the slipper box recording is in the public domain chapter four and open door well surely there was a chance to teach music to private pupils no if you will credit it there was not even such a chance there was less reasonable explanation for this closed door than the other surely in the great city full of would be musicians she might have found a corner doubtless she would have done so in time but it amazed her as the days went by and one by one the pupils on whom she had counted with almost certainty were found to have excellent reasons why they ought to remain with their present teacher or why they ought not to take up music for the present in some cases the dilemma was real and the excuse good in others it was born simply a fear all yes they knew that miss benedict was a brilliant player there was not her equal in the city and as for her voice it was simply superb but then it did not follow that a fine musician was a fine teacher she had not been educated for a teacher that had been the farthest removed from her intention until necessity forced it upon her it stood to reason that a girl who had been brought up in luxury and had cultivated her musical talent as a passion merely for her own pleasure should know nothing about the principles of teaching and have little patience with the drudgery of it they had always been warned against broken down ladies as teachers of anything there was a great deal of this feeling and clear as she began to realize it more was kept from bitterness because of the honesty of her nature she could see that there was truth in these conclusions and while she knew that she could give their children such teaching as the parents might have been glad to get at any price she admitted that they could not know this as she did and were not to blame for caution she was kept from bitterness by one other experience there came to see her one evening a woman who had done plain sewing for her in the days gone by whom she had paid liberally and for whom she had interested herself to secure better paid labor than she had found her doing this woman with a certain confused air as of one asking a favor had come to say that she would take it as a great thing if her fanny could get into miss benedict music class miss benedict explained kindly that she had no music class but if she should form one in the city it would give her pleasure to count fanny as one of her pupils and the mother could pay for it if she wished in doing a little sewing for them some time when they should have sewing again to do the sentence ended with a sigh but the collars embarrassment increased she even forgot to thank the lady for her gracious intention and looked down at her somewhat faded shawl and twisted the fringe of it and blushed and tried to stammer out something Claire began to suspect that this was but a small part of her errand and to be roused to sympathy was there anything else she could do for her in any way she questioned no oh no there was nothing only would she would it be possible to start a class with her fanny and let her pay not in sewing but in money and the full value of the lessons too and here the woman stopped twisting the fringe of her shawl and looked up with womanly dignity she was doing better she said a great deal better than when miss benedict first sought her out thanks to her she had plenty of sewing as much as she could do and of a good paying kind and she had thought and here the shawl fringe was twisted again that is she had supposed or imagined well the long and short of it was sometimes all that things wanted was a beginning and she thought maybe if miss benedict could be so kind as to begin with fanny others would come in and a good class get started before she knew it there was a suspicious quiver of clairs chin as she listened to this but her voice was clear and very gentle as she spoke tell me frankly mrs. jones do you think fanny has a decided talent for music which ought to be cultivated i don't know the child i think is she a singer then mrs. jones all on used to subterfuge and at home in the realm of frankness was betrayed at once into admitting that she had never thought of such a thing as fanny taking music lessons no she didn't sing at least not but very little and she never said much about music what she wanted was to learn to draw but she mrs. jones had thought as she said and maybe it was presumption in her to think so that what most things needed was to get started no sooner did she get started in another kind of sewing and among another kind of customers then work poured in on her faster than she could do and she thought fanny would do maybe to start on long before the conclusion of this sentence the shawl fringe was suffering again clear rose from her seat and went over and stood before mrs. jones her voice still clear and controlled i thank you mrs. jones for your kind thought so far from being presumptuous it was worthy of your warm heart and unselfish nature i shall not forget it and it has done me good but if i were you i would not have fanny take music lessons and i would if i could give her drawing lessons i remember now you're telling me she was always marking up her books with little bits of pictures she probably has a good deal of talent in this direction and not for music i would cultivate her talents in the line in which they lie mrs. parkhurst has a drawing class just commencing she is not very far from your corner on clark street i hope fanny can go to her and if it would be any convenience to you to pay the bills in sewing i am quite certain that mrs. parkhurst would be glad to do it she was speaking about some work of the kind only yesterday and i recommended you to her as one whom she could trust so they dropped once more into their natural characters clear the suggestor and helper and mrs. jones the grateful recipient she went away thanked and comforted and convinced that fanny ought to have a chance at drawing since mrs. benedict thought she had a talent as for claire she went back to her mother with two bright spots glowing on her cheeks and melt down beside her chair and said mama i have just had the most delicate little bit of thoughtfulness shown me that i ever received from the world outside and i'll tell you one thing it has settled i mean to accept the first opening from whatever source that will take me away from the city i am almost sure there is no work for me in this city yet you are not to suppose that the great world of friends who had been glad of their recognition forgot them or ignored them much less are you to suppose that the great church of which mr. benedict was such a prominent part that the projected entertainment for which the young people had been so nearly ready to be a missionary though it was was indefinitely postponed when he died forgot them or grew cold whatever the world may do or whatever solitary individuals in the church may do under financial ruins the great heart of the true church beats away for its own and bravely they rallied around the widow and heartily they tried to be helpful and were helpful indeed so far as warm words and earnest efforts were concerned but they could not make vacancies for Claire in the line in which her talents fitted her to work they could not make a strong woman of the mother able to shoulder burdens such as are always waiting for strong shoulders they could and would have supported them for a time at least this would have been done joyfully they longed to do it they offered help in all possible delicate ways the trouble was this family would have none of it they were grateful oh yes but persistent in gently declining that which was not an absolute necessity in the very nature of things as the days passed they would be in a sense forgotten Claire saw this and the mother saw it the rooms they had taken were very far removed from the old church and the old home and the old circle of friends it consumed hours of the day to make the journey back and forth of course it could not be made often nor by many of course the gaps which their changes had made would be filled in time it was not reasonable to expect otherwise nobody expected it but it was very bitter and the very first open door that Claire saw was an opportunity to teach music in a little unpretentious academy in a little unpretentious town it took back among the hills 200 miles from the city that had always been her home it took talking much of it to reconcile the mother and sister to the thought of a separation through all their changes this one had not been suggested to their minds they had expected as a matter of course to keep together but necessity is a wonderful logician the bank account was alarmingly small and growing daily smaller even the unpractical mother and sister could see this something must be done and here was the open door why not enter it at once instead of waiting in idleness and suspense through the winter for something better thus argued Claire it will not be very easy to leave you mama as you may well imagine and here the sensitive chin would quiver but I should feel safe in doing so for these ugly rooms are really very conveniently arranged and Dora would learn to look after everything that Molly could not do by giving two days of work in a week I have made positive arrangements with her for two days and she depends upon it you must not disappoint her and mama I have thought of what papa said about us here the low voice took on a tone of peculiar tenderness that Dora will learn self-reliance if she is left to shield and care for you it will be a powerful motive you know she leans on me now naturally this was Claire's strongest argument and together with the argument of necessity prevailed barely four weeks from the tomorrow which had contained her last bright plans she was installed as music teacher in the plain little academy building situated in south plains and now I know that I need not even attempt to describe the sinking of heart with which she moved down the shabby narrow aisle and seated herself in the uncushioned pew of the shabby little church on that first Sabbath morning uncushioned that was by no means the worst of the pew's failings the back was at least four inches lower than it ought to have been even for so slight a form as Claire's she was finished with a molding that projected enough to form a decided ridge of course for purpose of support the thing was a failure and as to appearance nothing more awkward in the line of sittings could be imagined fairly seated in this comfortless spot the homesick girl looked about her to take in her dreary surroundings fair floors not over clean the most offensive looking faded red curtains flapping disconsolently against the old-fashioned small paint soiled windows a platform whose attempts at carpeting represented a large pattern soiled ingrained rag whose colors once much too bright for the place had faded into disreputable ghosts of their former selves the holy fact seemed to Claire by far more dreary than the bare floor of the aisles a plain square four-legged table that had not even been dusted lately did duty as a pulpit desk and a plain wooden backed wooden seated chair stood behind it these were the sole attempts at furnishing the walls of this desolate sanctuary seemed to be grime with the smoke of ages they were festooned with cobwebs these furnishing the only attempts at hiding the unsightly cracks the few dreary looking kerosene lamps disposed about the room gave the same evidence of neglect in their sadly smoked chimneys and general air of discouragement however had clear but known it she had caused for gratitude over the fact that they were not lighted for they could prove their unfitness for the place they occupied in a much more offensive way such then in brief was the scene that greeted her sad eyes that morning how utterly homesick and disheartened she was it was also different from the surroundings to which she had all her life been accustomed she closed her eyes to hide the rush of tears and to think foolish girl that she was of that other church miles and miles away she could seem to see familiar forms gliding at this moment down the aisles whose rich carpets gave back no sound of footfall how soft and clear the colors of that carpet were a suggestion of the delicately carpeted woods and the shimmer of sunlight on a summer day toward the sun setting she had helped to select that carpet herself and she knew that she had an artist's eye for colors and for harmony it was not an extravagantly elegant church as city churches rank that one to which her heart went back but just one of those exquisitely finished buildings where every bit of color and carving and design which meet the cultured eye rests and satisfies where the law of harmony touches the delicately frescoed ceiling reaches down to the luxuriously upholstered pews finds its home in the trailing vines of the carpet and breathes out in the role of the deep toned organ it was in such a church down such a broad and friendly aisle that Claire Benedict had been want to follow her father and mother on Sabbath mornings keeping step to the melody which seemed to steal of itself from the organ and fill the lofty room can you imagine something of the contrast? End of chapter 4 Recording by Tricia G Chapter 5 of Interrupted by Pansy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Chapter 5 Trying to endure Of course there were other contrasts than those suggested by the two churches which persisted in presenting themselves to this lonely girl How could she help remembering that in the old home she had been Sidney Benedict's daughter a fact which of itself gave her place and power in all the doings of the sanctuary alas for the changes that a few brief months can make Sidney Benedict lying in his grave and his daughter an obscure music teacher in an obscure boarding and day school an object to be stared at and pointed out by the villagers as the new teacher but for another contrast which from some divine source stole over her just then the hot tears which burned her eyes would surely have fallen Sidney Benedict was not sleeping in the grave that was only the house of clay in which he had lived she knew and suddenly remembered it with a thrill that his freed soul was in heaven what did that mean she wondered in vain her imagination tried to paint the contrast there had been time since his going when she had longed with all the passion of her intense nature to know by actual experience just what heaven is but these were cowardly moments generally she had been able to feel thankful that she was here to help mama and Dora she remembered this now along with the memory of her father's joy and it helped her to choke back the tears and struggle bravely with her home sickness meantime it was hard for her to forget that she was the observed of all observers but she did not half understand why this was so she could not know what a rare bit of beauty she looked in the dingy church almost like a ray of brightness astray from another world from her standpoint her dress was simplicity itself and she had not lived long enough in this outer circle of society to understand that there are different degrees of simplicity as well as different opinions concerning the meaning of the word her black silk dress was very plainly made and her seal sack had been so long worn that Claire the millionaire's daughter had remarked only last winter that it had served its time and must be supplanted by a new one the present Claire of course did not think of such a thing but meekly accepted it as part of her cross her plain black velvet hat had no other trimming than the long plume which swept all around it and had been worn the winter before how could she be expected to have any conception of the effect of her toilet on the country people by whom she was surrounded her world had been so far removed from theirs that had one told her that to them she seemed dressed like a princess she would have been bewildered and incredulous her dress was very far from suiting herself her mood had been to envelop herself in heaviest black and shroud her face from curious gaze behind folds of crave the only reason she had not done so had been because the strict sense of honour which governed the fallen family would not allow them to add thus heavily to their expenses indeed to have dressed in such mourning as would have alone appeared suitable to them would have been impossible the mother had not seemed to feel this much it doesn't matter children, she had said gently they know we miss papa we have no need of crepe to help us tell that story and for ourselves it would not make our sorrow any less heavy but the girls had shrunk painfully from curious eyes and conjectured curious remarks and had shed tears in secret over even this phase of the trouble the bell whose sharp clang was a continued trial to her cultured ears ceased its twanging at last and then it was the weasy little cabinet organ's turn and indeed those who do not know the capabilities for torture that some of those instruments have are fortunate Claire Benedict set her teeth firmly this was a hundred degrees more painful than the bell for the name of this was music any person be so depraved in taste as to believe it other than a misnomer while the choir of seven voices roared through the hymn Claire shut her eyes, grasped her hymn book tightly with both hands set her lips and endured what a tremendous base it was how fearfully the leading soprano sang through her nose in common parlance though almost everybody understands that we mean precisely opposite how horribly the tenor flatted and how entirely did the alto lose the key more than once during the inflection of those six verses the hymn was an old one a favorite with Claire as it had been with her father but as that choir shrieked out the familiar words I love her gates I love the road the church adorned with grace stands like a palace built for God to show his milder face it seemed hardly possible for one reared as she had been to turn from her surroundings and lose herself in the deep spiritual meaning intended nay when the line stands like a palace built for God was triumphantly hurled at her through those discordant voices she could hardly keep her sad lips from curling into a sarcastic smile as she thought of the cracked and smoky walls the dreadful curtains the dust and disorder a palace built for God her heart set in disdain almost in disgust it isn't a decent stopping place for a respectable man then her momentary inclination to smile yielded to genuine indignation what possible excuse could be offered for such a state of things why did respectable people permit such a disgrace she had seen at least the outside of several of the homes in south plains and nothing like the disorder and desolation which reigned here was permitted about those homes how could Christian people think they were honoring God by meeting for his worship in a place that would have made the worst housekeeper among them blush for shame had it been her own home indignation helped her through the hymn and with bowed head and throbbing heart she tried during the prayer to come into accord with the spirit of worship but the whole service was one to be remembered as connected with a weary and nearly fruitless struggle with wayward thoughts what was the burden of the sermon she tried in vain afterwards to recall it a series of well-meant and poorly expressed platitudes nothing wrong about it thought poor Claire except the sin of calling it the gospel and reading it off to these sleepy people as though he really thought it might do them some good indeed the minister was almost sleepy himself or else utterly discouraged Claire tried to rouse herself to a little interest in him to wonder whether he were a downhearted disappointed man his coat was seedy his collar limp and his cuffs frayed at the edges yes these were actually some of the things she thought while he said his sermon over to them she brought her thoughts with sharp reprimand back to the work of the hour but they roved again almost as quickly as recalled at last she gave over the struggle and set herself to the dangerous work of wondering what doctor Ellis was saying this morning in the dear old pulpit whether mama and Dora missed him as much as she did whether he looked over occasionally to their vacant seat and missed all the absent ones papa most of all but the seat was not vacant probably already somebody sat at the head of the pew in papa's place and somebody's daughters or sisters or friends had her place and mama's and Dora's the niches were filled doubtless and the work of the church was going on just the same and it was only they who were left out in the cold their hearts bleeding over the gap that would never be filled dangerous thoughts these one little strain in another key came in again to help her papa was not left out he had gone up higher what was the old church to him now that he had entered into the church triumphant he might love it still but there must be a little pity mingled with the love and a wistful looking forward to the time when they would all reach to his height and at that time mama and Dora and she would not be left out if this mood had but lasted it would have been well but her undisciplined heart was too much for her and constantly she wandered back to the thoughts which made the sense of desolation roll over her she was glad when at last the dreary service was concluded and she could rush away from the dreary church to the privacy of her small plain room in the academy and throw herself on the bed and indulge to the utmost the passionate burst of sorrow the tears spent their first force soon but they left their victim almost solemn she allowed herself to go over in imagination the Sundays which were to come and pictured all their unutterable dreariness did I tell you about the rusty stoves whose rusty and cobwebby pipes seemed to wander at their own erratic will about that church it was curious how poor Claire's excited brain fastened upon those stove pipes as the drop too much in her accumulation of horrors it seemed to her that she could not endure to sit under them no not for another Sabbath and here was a long winter and spring stretching out before her she was not even to go home for the spring vacation her poor ruined purse would not admit of any such extravagance it would be almost mid-summer before she could hope to see Mama and Dora again and in the meantime how many Sundays there were she vexed herself trying to make out the exact number and their exact dates this mood miserable as it was possessed her all the afternoon it seemed not possible to get away from it she crept forlornly from her bed presently because of the necessity of seeing to her expiring fire she was shivering with the cold but as she struggled with the damp wood trying to blow the perverse smoke into a flame she went on with her indignant not to say defiant thoughts she went back again to that dreadful church and the fires in those neglected stoves she determined resolutely that her hours spent in that building should be as few as possible of course she must attend the morning service but nothing could induce her to spend her evenings there I might much better sit in my room and read my Bible and write good Sunday letters to Mama and Dora she told herself grimly as the spiteful smoke suddenly changed its course and puffed in her face at least I shall not go to church I don't belong to that church I am thankful to remember and never shall I have no special duties toward it I shall just keep away from it and from contact with the people here as much as possible it is enough for me if I do my duty towards those giggling girls who think they are to become musicians under my tuition I will do my best for them and I shall certainly earn all the salary I am offered here then my work in this place will be accomplished I have nothing to do with the horrors of that church if the people choose to insult God by worshiping him in such an abomination of desolations as that it is nothing to me I must just endure so much of it as I am obliged to until I can get away from here I am not to spend my life in south plains I should hope she shuddered over the possibility of this she did not understand her present state of mind she seemed to herself not clear benedict at all but a miserable caricature of her what had become of the strong, bright, willing spirit with which she had been want to take hold of life energetic she had always been called self-reliant she had heard that word applied to herself almost from childhood a girl who had a great deal of executive talent yes she used to have but she seemed now to have no talent of any sort she felt crushed as though the motive power had been removed from her she had borne up bravely while with her mother and younger sister she had felt the necessity for doing so her mother's last earthly prop must not fail her and therefore Claire had done her best but now there was no more need for endurance her tears could not pain mama or dora she had a right to give her grief full sway she felt responsible to nobody her work in the world was done not by any intention of hers she told herself drearily she had been willing and glad to work she had rejoiced in it and had planned for a vigorous and aggressive future having to do with the best interests of the church only think how full of work her hours had been that day when the clouds shut down on her and set her aside there was nothing more for her to do her plans were shattered her opportunities swept away everything had been cruelly interrupted she could not help it and she knew no reason for it certainly she had tried to do her best but at least with her opportunities closed her responsibility was gone nothing more could be expected of her henceforth she must just endure this is just the way life looked to the poor girl on this sad Sabbath she was still trying to rely on herself and because herself was found to be such a miserable source of reliance she gloomily blamed her hard fate and said that at least her responsibility was over she did not say in words God has taken away all my chances and he must just be willing to bear the consequences of my enforced idleness she would have been shocked had she supposed that such thoughts were being nursed in her heart but when you look the matter over what else was she saying a great many of our half formed thoughts on which we brood will not bear the clear gaze of a quiet hour when we mean honest work End of Chapter 5 Recording by Tricia G Chapter 6 Of Interrupted by Pansy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Chapter 6 Lifted Up It was a very quiet, cold-faced girl who presently obeyed the summons to dinner had it not been for those suspiciously red eyes and a certain pitiful droop of the eyelids Mrs. Foster would hardly have ventured to break the casing of Hottie Reserve in which her young music teacher had decided to rap herself A rare woman was Mrs. Foster I wish you knew her well my pen pauses over an attempt to describe her I believe descriptions of people never read as the writer intended they should and there never was a woman harder to put on paper than this same Mrs. Foster Ostensibly, she was the principal of this little academy which was at present engaged in reaping the results of years of mismanagement and third-rate work People shook their heads when she took the position and said that she was foolish She would never earn her living there in the world The academy at South Plains was too much run down ever to revive and there never had been a decent school there anyway I didn't believe there ever would be and of course people of this mind did what they could with their tongues and their apathy so far as money and pupils were concerned to prove the truth of their prophecies But Mrs. Foster, wise, sweet, patient woman that she was quietly bided her time and worked her way through seemingly endless discouragements She was after much more than bread and butter In reality, there was never a more persistent and patient and wise and wary Fisher for souls found among quiet and little known humankind than was Mrs. Foster Had they but known it, there were communities which could have afforded to support her for the sake of the power she would have been in their midst Nay, there were fathers who could have afforded to make her independent for life so far as the needs of this world were concerned For the sake of the influence she would have exerted over their young and tempted sons and daughters But they did not know it and she, being as humble as she was earnest did not half know it herself and expected nothing of anybody but a fair chance to earn her living and do all the good she could In point of fact, she had some difficulty in getting hold of the little, badly used academy at South Plains The people who thought she was utterly foolish for attempting anything so hopeless were supplemented by the people who thought she could not be much or she would never be willing to come to South Plains Academy So between them, they made it as hard for her as they could Claire Benedict did not know it until long afterwards But the fact was that during her father's funeral services she had been selected as the girl whom Mrs. Foster wanted with her at South Plains It happened, so we are fond of saying that Mrs. Foster was spending a few days on business in the city that had always been Claire's home and she saw how wonderfully large portions of that city were stirred by one death when Sydney Benedict went to heaven She speculated much over the sort of life he must have led to have gotten the hold he had on the people She began to inquire about his family, about his children Then she heard much of Claire and grew interested in her in a manner which seemed strange even to herself And when at the funeral she first caught a glimpse of the pale face and earnest eyes of the girl who looked only and with a certain watchful air at her mother as if she would shield her from every touch that she could Mrs. Foster had murmured under her breath I think this is the girl I want with me She prayed about it a good deal during the next few days and grew sure of it and waited only to make the way plain so that she could venture her modest little offer and felt sure that if the master intended it thus the offer would be accepted And it was, but in blindness so far as Claire Benedict was concerned I have sometimes questioned whether if a bright angel had come down out of heaven and stood beside Claire and said The king wants you to go with all speed to South Plains He has special and important work for you there He has opened the way for you The child would not have been more content and had much less of the feeling that her work was interrupted But I do not know She might rather have said Why in the world must I go to South Plains I had work enough to do at home and I was doing it And now it will all come to naught because there is no leader It stands to reason that I, in my poverty and obscurity down in that out-of-the-way village cannot do as much as I with my full purse and leisure days and happy surroundings and large acquaintances could do here We love to be governed by reason and hate to walk in the dark I have always wondered what Philip said when called to leave his great meeting where it seemed hardly possible to do without him and go toward the south on a desert road that he went and promptly is, I think, a wonderful thing for Philip Well, the red eyes of the young music teacher in no means escaped the watchful ones of Mrs. Foster Neither had her short, almost sharp, negative in reply to a somewhat timidly put question of a pupil as to whether she was going out to church that evening There were reasons why Mrs. Foster believed that it would be much better for her sad-hearted music teacher to go to church than to remain blooming at home There were indeed very special reasons on that particular evening The Anstead girl's uncle was going to preach she had heard but should she go to this young Christian of whom she has yet knew but little and offer is a reason for church going that a stranger was to preach instead of the pastor However she managed it, Mrs. Foster was sure she would not do that yet it will give you a hint of the little woman's ways when I tell you that she was almost equally sure she should manage it in some way Half an hour before evening service there was a tap at Claire's door and the principal entered and came directly to the point Would Miss Benedict be so kind as to accompany Fanny and Ella Anstead to church that evening? Miss Parsons was suffering with sick headache and she herself could not leave her There was no other available chaperone for the young girls who were not accustomed to going out alone in the evening and who were unusually anxious to attend church as their uncle who had been stopped over the Sabbath by an accident was to preach Miss Benedict had her lips parted ready to say that she was not going out but paused in the act What excuse could she give? No sick headache to plead and nobody to care for The night was not stormy if it was sullen and the church was not a great distance away She had been want to accommodate people always but she never felt so little like it as tonight However there stood Mrs. Foster quietly awaiting an answer and her face seemed to express the belief that of course the answer would be as she wished Very well came at last from the teacher's lips and she began at once to make ready It is for this I was hired she told herself bitterly I must not forget how utterly changed my life is in this respect as in all others I am my own mistress no longer but even in the matter of church going must hold myself at the call of others As for the principal, as she closed the door with a gentle thank you she told herself that it was much better for the poor child to go and that she must see to it what she could do during the week The stuffy church was the same Nay it was more so for every vile lamp was lighted now and sent a sickly smoky shadow to the ceiling and cast as little light upon the surrounding darkness as possible But the uncle I do not know how to describe to you the difference between him and the dreary reader of the morning It was not simply the difference in appearance and voice though really these were tremendous but he had a solemn message for the people and not only for the people whose Sabbath home was in that church but for Claire Benedict as well She did not think it at first She smiled drearily over the almost ludicrous incongruity of the text as measured by the surroundings If I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy The folly of supposing that any sane person preferred such a desolate modern Jerusalem as this above his chief joy The very care with which the men brushed a clear spot for their hats on the dusty seats and the manner in which the women gathered their dresses about them to keep them from contact with the floor showed the place which the sanctuary held in their affections But as the preacher developed his theme it would seem that he had selected it for Claire Benedict's special benefit It was not what had been done or was being done that he desired to impress but rather what ought to be done The earthly Jerusalem instead of being one particular church building was any church of Christ where a Christian's lot was cast even for a single Sabbath He or she was bound by solemn covenant vows to do all for that church which lay in his or her power as folly as unreservedly as though that church and that alone represented his or her visible connection with the great head What solemn words were these breaking in on the flimsy walls of exclusiveness which this young disciple had been busy all the afternoon building up about her The church itself planes her place of service actually bound to it by the terms of her covenant Others had their message from that plainly worded intensely earnest sermon I have no doubt there was a special crumb for each listener It is a peculiarity belonging to any real breaking of the bread of life but Claire Benedict busied herself with none of them Her roused and startled heart had enough to do to digest the solid food that was given as her portion The truth was made very plain to her that she had no more right to build a shell and creep into it and declare that this church and this choir and this Sunday school and this prayer meeting yes and even this smoking stove and wheezing organ were nothing to her because she was to stay in South Plains but a few months and her home was far away in the city then she had to say that she had nothing to do with the people or the places on this earth no sense or responsibility concerning them no duties connected with them because she was to be here only for a few years and her home was in heaven Gradually this keen-edged truth seemed to penetrate every fiber of her being This very church, cobweb trimmed musty smelling was for the time being her individual working-ground to be preferred above her chief joy May the very red curtain that swayed back and forth blown by the north wind which found its way through a hole in the window and which she hated became a faded bit of individual property for which she was, in a sense, responsible She walked home almost in silence the girls about her chattered of the sermon pronounced it splendid and admitted that they would just a little rather hear Uncle Eben preach than anybody else and it was no wonder that his people almost worshiped him and had raised his salary only last month Claire listened or appeared to and answered directly put questions with some show of knowledge as to what was being discussed but for herself Dr. Anstead had gone out of her thoughts She liked his voice and his manner and his elocution but the force behind all these had put them all aside and the words which repeated themselves to her soul were these If I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy What then? Why, then I am false to my covenant vows and the possibilities are that I am none of his Mrs. Foster was in the hall when the party from the church arrived Wide open as to eyes and mental vision quiet as to voice and manner she had stayed at home and ministered to the victim of sick headache she had been tender and low-voiced and deft-handed and untiring but during the lulls when there had been comparative quiet she had bowed her head and prayed that the sad-hearted young music teacher might meet Christ in his temple that evening and come home uplifted she did not know how it was to be done she knew nothing about the Anstead uncle save that he was an ambassador of Christ and she knew that the Lord could use the shabbily-dressed ambassador of the morning as well as he she did not rely on the instruments except as they lay in the hand of God she did not ask for any special thought to be given to Claire Benedict Faith left that too in the hand of the Lord she only asked that she should be ministered on to and strengthened for the work whatever it was that he desired of her and she needed not to question to discover that her prayer while she had yet been speaking was answered the music teacher did not bring home the same thoughts that she had taken away with her she went swiftly to her room the fire had been remembered and was burning brightly the first thing she did was defeat its glowing coals with the letter that had been commenced to Mama and Dora during the afternoon not that there had been anything in it about her heaped up sorrows or her miserable surroundings or her gloomy resolves but in the light of the present revelation she did not like the tone of it she went to her knees presently but it would have been noticeable there that she said almost nothing about resolves or failures her uttered words were brief were indeed only these dear Christ it is true I needed less of myself and more of thee myself has failed me utterly Jesus I come to thee End of Chapter 6 Recording by Tricia G Chapter 7 of Interrupted by Pansy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Chapter 7 Our Church The dreary weather was not gone by the next morning a keen wind was blowing and ominous flakes of snow were fluttering their signals in the air but the music room was warm and the music teacher herself had gotten above the weather she was at the piano waiting for the belter ring that should give the signal for morning prayers around the stove were gathered a group of girls who had hushed their voices at her entrance they were afraid of the pale music teacher hither too they had regarded her with mingled feelings of awe and dislike her very dress plain black though it was with its exquisite fit and finish seemed to mark her as belonging to another world than themselves they expected to learn music of her but they expected nothing else it was therefore with a visible start of surprise that they received her first advances in the shape of a question as she suddenly wheeled on the piano stool and confronted them girls don't you think our church is just dreadful whether it was a delicate tact or a sweet spirit born of the last evening's experience that led Claire Benedict to introduce that potent little hour into her sentence I will leave you to judge it had a curious effect on the girls around the stove these bright-faced keen-brained thoroughly good girls who had lived all their lives in a different atmosphere from hers they were good scholars in algebra they were making creditable progress in Latin and some of them were doing fairly well in music but they could no more set their hats on their heads with the nameless grace which hovered around Claire Benedict's plainly trimmed plush one then they could fly through the air this was just one illustration of the many differences between them this young lady had lived all her days in the environments of city culture they had caught glimpses of city life and it meant to them an unattainable fairy land full of lovely opportunities and probabilities such as would never come to them it struck every one of those girls as a peculiarly pleasant thing that their lovely music teacher had said hour instead of your one of the less timid presently rallied sufficiently to make answer dreadful it is just perfectly horrid it fairly gives me the blues to go to church girls mother has almost spoiled her new cashmere sweeping the church floor with it she says she would be ashamed to have our woodshed look as badly as that floor does I don't see why the trustees allow such slovenliness it is because we cannot afford to pay a decent sexton side one of the others we are so awful poor that is the cry you always hear if there is a thing said I don't believe we deserve a church at all Claire had partially turned back to the piano and she touched the keys softly recalling a long forgotten strain about girding on the armor before she produced her next startling sentence girls let us dress up that church until it doesn't know itself if the first words had astonished them this suggestion for a moment struck them dumb they looked at one another then at the resolute face of the musician then one of them gasped out us girls you don't mean it from two dismayed voices how could we do anything from a gentle timid one but the girl who had found courage to speak before and to volunteer her opinion as to the disgraced church sounded her reply on a different note when right away said the music teacher smiling brightly on them all but answering only the last speaker then she left the piano and came over to the center of the group which parted to let her in just as soon as we can I mean we must first secure the money but I think we can work fast with such a motive then came the chorus of discouragements Miss Benedict you don't know South Plains we never can raise this money in the world it has been tried a dozen different times and there are a dozen different parties as sure as we try to do anything some people won't give toward the old church because they want a new one as if we could ever have a new church others think it is well enough as it is if it could be swept now and then and there is one woman who always goes to talking about the time she gave the most for that old rag of a carpet on the platform and then they went and bought it at another store instead of at theirs where they ought to and for her part she will never give another cent toward fixing up that church another voice chimed in yes and there is an old man who says honesty comes before benevolence he seems to think it would be quite a benevolence to somebody to fix up that old rookery and they owe him ten dollars for coal and they will never prosper in the world until they pay him is it true about the society owing him no mam it isn't father says they paid him more than the coal was worth he is an old scam but it is just a specimen of the way things go here hundreds of reasons seem to pop up to hinder people from doing a thing and all the old stories are raked up and after a while everybody gets mad with everybody else and won't try to do anything you never saw such a place as South Plains but the music teacher laughed she was so sure of what ought to be done and therefore of course of what could be done that she could afford to laugh over the ludicrous side of this doleful story the girls however did not see the ludicrous side it makes me cold all over just thinking about trying to beg money in South Plains for anything and for the church most of all to be sure this was Nettie Burdick's statement and she was noted for timidity but none of the bolder ones controverted her position but Miss Benedict had another bombshell to throw into their midst begging money is dreadful work I suppose I never did much of it my collecting route lay among people who were pledged to give just so much and who was fully expected to pay it when the collector called as they expected to pay their gas bill or their city taxes but don't let us think of doing any such thing let us raise the money right here among ourselves blank silence greeted her had she been able to look into their hearts she would have seen something like this oh yes it is all very well for you to talk of raising money anybody can see by your dress and your style and everything that you have plenty of it but if you expect money from us you don't know what you are talking about the most of us have to work so hard and coax so long to get decent things to wear that we are almost tired of a dress or a bonnet before it is worn but this they did not want to put into words neither did Miss Benedict wait for them we must earn it of course you know earn it how half a dozen voices this time oh in a dozen ways smiling brightly to begin with there is voluntary contribution perhaps we cannot all help in that way but some of us can and every little helps my salary for instance is three hundred a year she caught her breath as she said this and paled a little it was much less than Sidney Benedict had allowed his daughter for spending money but to those girls it sounded like a little fortune that is twenty five dollars a month and a tenth of that is two dollars and a half now I propose to start this scheme by giving the tenths of two months salary come Nettie get your pencil and be our secretary we might as well put it in black and white and make a beginning do you always give a tenth of everything you have it was Nanny Howard's question asked in a hesitating thoughtful tone while Nettie blushing and laughing went into the depths of her pocket for a pencil tore a fly leaf from her algebra and wrote Miss Benedict's name always said the music teacher gently her lip trembling and her voice quivering a little it was my father's rule he taught it to me when I was a little little girl they could not know how pitiful it seemed to her that the daughter of the man who had given his annual thousands as tenths had really to spend an hour in planning so that she might see her way clear toward giving two dollars and a half a month not that this young Christian intended to wait until she could see her way clear her education had been the tenth belongs to God as much more as you can conscientiously spare of course but this is to be laid aside without question her education built on the rock of Christian principle had laid it aside as a matter of course and then her human nature had lain awake and planned how to get along without it and yet not draw on the sacred fund at the bank I suppose it is a good rule, Mary Burton said though I never thought of doing such a thing well after another thoughtful pause I may as well begin I suppose I have a dollar a month to do what I like with I'll give two dollars to the fund good said Miss Benedict why girls we have a splendid beginning but Mary Burton was an exception not another girl in the group had an allowance a few minutes of total silence followed then a new type of character came to the front father gave me a dollar this morning to get me a new pair of gloves but I suppose I can make the old ones do I'll give that oh Kate your gloves look just horrid this from a younger sister I know they do but I don't care with a little laugh that belied the words so does the church that's true said Anna Graves it gives one the horrors just to think of it I gave up all hope of its being fixed long ago because I knew the men would never do it in the world but if there is anything we can accomplish let's do it I say we try I was going to trim my brown dress with velvet it will cost two dollars I'll give it up and trim with the same Medi-Birdic put me down for two dollars this or something else set the two timid ones who were sisters to whispering presently they nodded their heads in satisfaction whatever their plan was they kept it to themselves it undoubtedly included self-sacrifice as they belonged to a family who honestly had but little from which to give but they presently directed that their names be set down for a dollar each apparently the crowning bit of sacrifice came from Ruth Jennings father has been promising me a piano stool for more than a year she explained laughing this morning he gave me the money and I have a note written to Benny Brooks to bring it down with him next Saturday but I do so dreadfully hate those red curtains that if you will promise to do something with the windows the first thing I'll sit on the dictionary and the patent office reports for another year a stool such as I was going to get costs four dollars put it down, Medi, quick a general clapping of hands ensued not a girl present but appreciated that to Ruth Jennings this was quite a sacrifice as for Miss Benedict her eyes were brimming you dear girls she said eagerly I feel as though I wanted to kiss every one of you we will certainly have our church made over I feel sure of it now I think some of you must prefer it above your chief joy this called forth a chorus of voices oh Miss Benedict you don't think that velvet ribbons and gloves and such things are our chief joys do you or even piano stools this from Ruth Jennings amid much laughter but Miss Benedict's face was grave has the church been she asked the question gently yet in a sufficiently significant tone the reply was prompt I should think not such a horrid old den as it is how could there be any joy about it the words of the evening's text were repeating themselves so forcibly in their teacher's heart that she could not refrain from quoting let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy the laughter was hushed but that doesn't mean the building does it Miss Benedict the building is the outward sign of his presence is it not and suggests one of the ways in which we can show our love for the God to whose worship the church is dedicated as she spoke she wound an arm around the young girl's waist and was answered thoughtfully I suppose so it seems wrong to talk about worshipping God in a place that is not even clean doesn't it how familiar they were growing with their pretty young teacher of whom they had thought only the day before that they should always be afraid isn't she sweet this question they repeated one to another as in answer to the bell summoning them to morning prayers they moved down the hall so quick-witted and so unselfish said a second and not a bit stuck up declared a third and with their brains throbbing with new ideas they went into prayers they glanced at one another and smiled when Mrs. Foster announced the hymn work for the night is coming work through the morning hour they every one meant to work End of chapter 7 Recording by Tricia G