 You're listening to highlights from The David Feldman Show, heard nationwide on Pacifica Radio, or as a podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, and now YouTube. Please subscribe to this channel. For more information, go to davidfeldmanshow.com. Thank you for listening. The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you. You sad, pathetic humps. Joining us from the Berkshires. Not the Berkshires. Joining us in... The Pioneer Valley. Comedian, comedy writer, farmer, John Ross. David, I have to complain. You? I just got off the phone. I just got off the phone with Cap Bemelman, who wanted to go over with a fine tooth comb. Everything I was going to talk about made me run all my jokes and stories past him. You got to get rid of that guy. And most people have kids working for them as interns. How old is Cap? Is there anyone named Cap under 70? Cap Bemelman? Is he an actual captain? Did he wear the captain cap? Cap? The picture I have in my head. But boy, he was... All the things that I can't say on your show, for me not to say the F word. Which F word am I not allowed to say? I want to talk about the N word for a second. Let's not come right out of the gate on that one. I just have a prediction. I don't know if it's a prediction or if it's a recommendation. Because sometimes stuff happens and you go, I knew it! I knew it! And you didn't say it to anybody beforehand. I just want to say this beforehand. There's going to be a giant hit show. And it's going to be called... And it's going to be a hit because of its name. And it's going to be N-Asterisk-G-G-E-R. And it's just because it's going to be so controversial that there's a TV show called N-Asterisk. Because when they talk about it on the news and they... Ooh, can you say it? What do you call it? Because it's not called the N word. Like the C word, you know, was a show on... What was that? Showtime or something? It's going to be produced by... It's going to be written and produced somebody with the credentials like that Glover kid. Or Michael Richards, somebody who experienced with the N word. That may be a half hour special. There would just be video of him from the... The last factory. I can just picture it. I can just see it. I can hear on NPR them talking about it and trying to... You know, I don't know. I believe Penis Gregory's autobiography was called that. The comedian Penis Gregory. Oh, was it really? Yeah. Oh, so it's been done. Oh, it's already been done. Yes. But, you know, oh, it's already been done. Google it. Maybe that's... You know what? Well, you know what? It's probably like in my subconscious or something. And like I'd seen that and then it came back up. But because my God, like what a... Look, obviously horrible word, but like so powerful. Like there's no word. The idea that you can utter a sound and carry that much power and weight that it could like move people in so many different ways. And the idea that like there's... Some people are allowed to say it and some people aren't allowed to say it. Like there's nothing in any language, in any culture that's anywhere close to that. Is it? It's unbelievable. It's just so... And you know, when you watch Chappelle, do you watch Chappelle's specials? I love him. I mean, he's amazing. But you're jealous of like the way he's able... It makes stuff so cool and funny. And it's like, you know, look, not that he needs some kind of advantage, but it feels like an advantage when you're watching it. I mean, obviously he has all sorts of other disadvantages, but he is, you know... I've probably been getting myself in terrible hot water saying all kinds of things that I shouldn't be saying politically incorrect. But I mean, I just watch it and he just... And the way he tosses it off, and I can't do it, you know. I can't say it right now, but it's just like... I don't know. It's just charming and conversational and it's like... There is something biblical about the power of the word. You're right. It's almost as though it's from Genesis or Leviticus where the high priests of the First Temple would be allowed in a room where only they could say the N word. That was the power. Right? Well, I mean, or what their word back then, what their word, you know, what their Latin word... Well, in Judaism, you're not allowed to write God. It's G-d. Right. Right. Well, and then they have... And then you have all the alternative words that mean God, because you can't say the actual one. I mean, I wonder if there were people saying it, and you're going, oh, they're allowed to say it because they're the high priests. We can't say it. It's like, oh, they sing it in their songs. We can't. Hmm. Yeah. So I understand a lot of you are... Because I know we're going to keep this short because you want to try to keep the show under six hours this week. But I understand you have a lot of your listeners are long-haul truckers. Yes, that's correct. Yes. Which makes like a ton of sense because... And insomniacs. And insomniacs. Well, insomniacs, I don't maybe understand so much, but the long-haul truckers I understand because it's imperative that they not fall asleep. You know, they have to stay up. And, you know, it's not going to be too long before one of your guests sends something, you know, mildly amusing and you go, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then, you know, eyes wide open. Wakes the way. Yeah. Wakes them right up. Yeah. Well, the problem is the insomniacs claim that I helped them fall asleep. So I'm worried that I'm providing two services, one of which could end up confusing the long-haul trucker resulting in a massive pile up. Look I know you didn't want me to raise this but I've been going through a little bit of a tough personal time in my life which has caused me to not be able to sleep. I've had a lot of sleepless nights and I have needed to you know go to sleep and certain podcasts do put me to sleep and I have not listened to yours and yours doesn't. I have to say I actually found you know what I found on like YouTube was somebody reading not Anna Corinna but it was like another Russian novel like they're reading more in peace and like I just put that on and you know you don't have to go too far in warm peace somebody reading that to you before you're you're out but then I would wake up I'm operating on no sleep today I had an hour and a half of sleep and then I had to be up at five every conversation has started this way what's the least amount of sleep you can function on well I got I think it's different for different people I get crabby and I I'm not very good I have less than you know I mean I'm you know occasionally you can go on just a few and I've had to recently but yeah I mean like I like to get at least six seven hours can you do an hour and a half for a day I mean I had to like because I guess I've had a few nights where it was just up all night watching television and you know trying to listen stuff and rolling around and you know my heart pounding through my chest and thoughts thoughts yeah but that's that's who we are that's who we I don't want to be that well here let me say this I'd like to talk to your listeners for a moment if I may yes a lot of times you say what do you want my listeners to do okay right that's the thing you do I'm gonna tell your listeners that they need to contact David Feldman through the David Feldman website and urge David to get on the train and come up here and stay with me on my homestead and relax and it's quiet and you wouldn't have hammers and jack hammers while you're trying to do a podcast for your stuff come on up here have a hot tub we can take hot tubs no head trips you know but chickens eat fresh eggs we eat right out of my garden come on I'm gonna try to I could use it this is people listening to this show today know when I'm burnt out and today is a burnout show yeah and you could you could do your podcast up here you could recharge your batteries and and when I say that that's a euphemism I'll recharge what recharges batteries being around other people in nature you know I think I think nature yes I think being with other people what I was listening to I've been listening to things about loneliness and that and it's like you need to both be supported and support like you can't just you know I can't get on the phone and just cry my eyes out to a friend I need to then also go what about you how can I you know tell me your problems you need to it needs to be sort of you know a loop where you're you're helping each other that's the connection you're making connections with people you can come you could cheer me on in one of my baseball games I had a good name last night I got three doubles and a diving play at the down the line third base came up through a bullet across the diamond it was good and they were like the number one team in that league Manhattan you lived in Manhattan I had an apartment which is hilarious that it was never you know this that it was I got it from Richard kind Richard kind was subletting this from somebody else and it was illegal for him to then let somebody else who's went control to like really it was $158 and it was this apartment that was cut in half and it was on on 71st between Broadway and Amsterdam so awesome location and it was $158 but I had to forge Richard kind name and on a on a what you call it on a money order every month and that's how I paid it and for people they know who Richard kind is his character actor he's been a trillion things but then I can't remember who took it over from me I think it might have been garland I think Jeff took it over from me and then John Stewart took it over from him or vice versa it's like because why because I we I had that place which was rank controlled and then I had my rank control place in Santa Monica and I would go back and forth between the two but what I sort of found was by having two homes you have no homes but because like you're not forced to kind of face anything when things get tough someplace you go whoop I'm going to the other coast right go and then as soon as there's any kind of challenge in your life emotionally or otherwise you just go see you later I'm heading three times a mile the other way and so I just never felt completely moored anywhere do you think it's possible to meet a genuine person in Manhattan maybe a story of Queens I'm talking about Manhattan I don't know a story of Queens what she like maybe you could yeah that's a terrible job I thought I did he say that or did I that's so bad that's something I would say I think I think you through your voice can you meet a nice person in Manhattan a nice lady person in Manhattan who hasn't been effed over by herself all right well general generalization generalissimo generalization that's sort of your problem like this whole show should be called you know generalization with David I have a question I have a theory all women are angry I have a question do you think some do and some don't yeah like people could maybe need somebody somebody with a full head of hair who had you know young and great shape and yeah they could meet somebody you couldn't the problem so we out-negative each other so women in general just I don't mean I'm not making a sweeping generalization but most women would find me detestable is that a fair statement um if they found you you know you know you are invisible to most women I know like yes you're like a stealth Jew you could you can walk right up to them you could be like a spy they needed a spy in another country just walk right through it you like you'd be invisible no I mean look I I think let me say can you meet somebody like how what do you like walking down the street some woman's gonna like give you the eye and kind of go hey above and you're gonna go whoa hang on a second why don't we step into this pub and you know I'll buy you a drink like what do you think where you're gonna meet you meet people while you're doing you know like while you're working I mean you meet people on the podcast I've heard guests seemingly who seemed into you I I'm like well Kat Bemeleman that's part of the pre-interview with Kat Bemeleman right make sure you seem like you're into David that's what that's a good actresses here's the problem a couple weeks ago it was a Saturday and I had been flat on my back with my candle and a woman a woman said to me that's it I go yeah that's it and she goes really yeah this is it yeah I don't want to let the cat out of the bag David look I I know like this character it works for you like you know like Jack Benny being cheap and all that I don't want to tell your about go ahead the number of oh my god like you put you know Bill Maher and Bob Saget to shame you're just like banging them out you know left right center yeah you know oh you're you know anyway that is not an attractive trait to what I think heaven is Saturday 12 hours on a Kindle coffee maybe looking up from the Kindle and saying hey this is an interesting article you know I think I think I think that is that is at a certain point in the relationship there's a you know you listen to and I do listen to your podcast and I have them all memorized so yes man was on who that was yes I'm not looking for the last show and I didn't hear my name mentioned and that was a little bit kind of upsetting but I was playing a mind game that was a mind game you I thought we said no mind game but oh no entrance you mentioned me and and she said I know John Roth which that felt nice but she was describing you know the reading in bed with her husband and then reading the paper and the two of them and that's just heaven I don't know 12 hours that might be a little much but you know at their point in their relationship they love you know line a bit now look this is the second gate and read for 12 somebody like yeah you know I don't know if this is like we're forming a burn you know to me I get that but there's there's a time and a place so dating is a lie dating is the first lie of a relationship you know no it's a phase it's a phase of the relationship I mean there are but yes I mean look my wife and I'm getting a divorce just like you accept it's different but you know and one of the things that she says is like it was different early on like I seem to be more up for doing more different things and now I you know I'm not as interested in going on you know a silent meditation retreat you wanted to go on a silent meditation retreat she didn't I use that actually I know I I actually want to go on one now to try to find myself oh so she didn't want to go on a silent meditation no I just I pulled that out because I didn't know what else to say but like you're different things that now I remember when my third wife approached me and she said I think we'd have fun on a silent meditation retreat retreat and I said you know I'm not sure I would enjoy it why don't we test it out by you shutting the fuck up for six hours have you heard the round tables where I actually do that no I actually say I've got a joke here we go oh yeah I mean all right this is great this is where we go I wanted to do the thing I want you to do the thing they do with Larry Brown we just said you know names of airline disasters or they like the date and I guess okay I can't do any worse than him he didn't get any so I won't get any either cuz I don't know anything about that but I'm just saying that was hilarious you just kept me I don't know I don't know what happened well first of all Larry didn't know what Larry Brown has a semi-photographic memory for plane accidents and if you go back a year I he was like hitting them out of the park and then for some reason he climbed up there's actually a hilarious bit that like one after the other and if you kept credit going oh is it this one is like no that no that was not that and then it was like no but I do like the big one not like a little computer plans and it's in the U.S. and some big one it's like yeah I don't know November 5th 1973 that's my birthday is it really November 5th is November 5th your birthday yeah and you said you noticed something that I do with my guests what you you said you said that you noticed that there's a something I do at the end of some interviews oh yeah so that was that made me laugh the the idea that like the Johnny Carson used to be the feel of approval that you would get is like did you get the okay sign I know every comic would watch at the end of their set we'd all be on you're watching them and then they pan over to Johnny and sometimes Johnny would just be clapping and you go you get the okay time coming back but then they get okay and you go oh man Johnny gave me okay well then the new version of that is David saying stay on the line a minute David says oh hi so thanks so much I know your time is valuable you've been very generous they talk to you all right goodbye hey can you stand a line a minute and then oh we got to stand a line of it Sam alive can you stand the line for a second I'm not saying I'm not staying on the line when you said that I laughed so hard because it has occurred to me that that's how it comes across like as though people are hanging on my interviews whether or not I like the guys the reason I do that is sometimes I'm recording the interview and sometimes you just need to say the N word what the N word and you have to wait to get off the air so you can say the N word the idea that this radio shows on pacific it's this far far-left wing radio show can you see how it's just a streak of a setting and horrible racist misogynistic now you really do have to stay out and the guest is going aha aha I see yeah and now I'm gonna pay you I'm gonna pay you a compliment a wonderful and and that is like you do you do spew some of the worst horrible jokes like just so bad but on the other hand you have some of the greatest jokes of all time like I would you know there's so many of the great jokes of yours that I would quote and one of them you are you I haven't heard you do in forever so I'm gonna act quite but the one about how horrible the C word is and you would never say the C word you wouldn't even go to see world yes I hate the C word in fact I hate it so much I won't even go to see world yeah I don't know what they have there I won't even imagine and then the horrible tag do you remember the horrible tag no I don't well the women would get really pissed off and I go what it's C world it's gotta be why would they get pissed off I mean that's but I can't understand why why would someone be angry at that is it am I stupid well they get pissed off from my stupidity and then I tagged it with you know the C world near bush gardens that would be that's that's sort of a dumb pun but I mean to me to say look I hate the C word that that's a chance to say something serious sort of like look I think that's a bad thing and people shouldn't say it and maybe it would have helped you if you went on a little bit and actually kind of made a point that I think the meaning and blah blah and I hate so much I won't even go to see world and then it's just a joke how is that like mean to anybody you maybe they think they think that I that there's a that I think there's a place in Orlando with angry women with short haircuts and grumpy cat faces that's what they think I'm imagining jumping out of the water to eat fish did a set two nights ago there was this is kind of interesting you have to imagine how wide my grin was when this comic was telling me this and then I'll let you go but stay on the line I will I will gird my loins so I'm talking to this really good looking young I think he was gay he was Asian and African it was Asian and African American so so when his girlfriend asked for 69 he says I don't know I can't I can't I'm trying to do a beef and broccoli I keep doing I know I know right I can only do the beef part and he starts complaining to me about how politically correct college audiences are well and he's a comedian he's a comedian he's comedian he's in his late 20s he's gay he's Asian he's African American and he's complaining about the audiences and how the PC police are giving him a hard time and I just looked at him I said go on and he was and I thought well this is delicious well I will say this and I obviously I don't know this guy cuz I don't know who he is and I know you've sort of switched positions on the whole identity comedy thing used to be like don't do that just you know don't rely your whole act on like who you are but if you do and now you're like okay that's cool go ahead and do it but if you do it and you're not good right but you're not really that smart and clever and funny but you're relying on a lot of these stereotypes which I did think there were I remember act who used to do that who you know and they got away with it because they were like this guy could make black joke and Asian jokes and get away with it but if they're not good and they're just the stereotypes I get that people might be hey you suck don't do that you know what I mean so I don't know it could be an individual case of yeah you deserve to be getting booed but man the stuff I hear I haven't worked in colleges in a million years and so I don't know but some of the stuff you hear about the safe spaces and stuff forget about comedy just like any kind of dialogue on colleges sounding like it's being you know shut down it's weird did you ever see the triumph did you ever see triumph talking to which one the one where he goes up to Hampshire college and talks to the the kids about safe spaces oh good I'm like oh okay no hamsters right up here oh it was great it was great we did it last year it's amazing hey stay on the line for real I'm just imagining you like you going like to Corey Brechneider just just viewing you still this entire episode played oh that's the other thing before you go we'll finish on that one in a second okay this entire episode if it were played for any potential guests like Corey Brechneider I don't want I don't want to be a part of this I have to recuse myself from David Feldman yeah I mean there's so many so this is there's nothing socially redeemable about this episode I'm glad I could be a part of it you made me laugh so hard what was the thing like me delivering a funeral oration it's like they asked me to speak at somebody's funeral what would I can't remember I can't exactly they just something about you know people being bereaved and it's a hard time and that they're you know there are no words that I can really say but I think that if you were to do your Amazon shopping David Feldman website you know look we get a small part how can that be bad I don't know I can't remember you were made I said oh it got to the point where I'm like oh baby baby oh yeah oh yeah do all your Amazon shopping David Feldman show website we get a small percentage of everything you better I'm so funny I forget the things that I said you have me you have me we mr. Feldman we have some horrible news your grandmother was it's the home your grandmother in her sleep oh that's terrible that's well at least at least she did her Amazon shopping I was having a really hard time and you calling me and and trying to you know make me feel better and you said you know one of the episodes someone talked about this and it's I think if you listen to this episode it really really resonate with you but it's it's part of a premium content if you have to subscribe to hear it so I wish I could give you the password but my hands yeah yeah Alex doesn't even tell me I don't know the other one was you were saying we're talking about a comic and you said is he a good guy and I said yeah he does his Amazon shopping via the day so that's code for being a good guy yeah he's a good guy does his Amazon show alright John Ross this was great I love you man I love you I mean seriously you're listening to highlights from the David Feldman show heard nationwide on Pacifica radio or as a podcast on iTunes Stitcher and now YouTube please subscribe to this channel for more information go to David Feldman show dot com thank you for listening the David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you you sad pathetic comps