 There's an inequity also in the therapeutic industry. Like most therapists are women. Right, so often times it just ends up being, and the thing too is, we assume doctors are healthy, but sometimes doctors are some of the most unhealthy people. Same with therapists, so very often your therapist, your few little therapists might be worse and be more broken, and you now regurgitate in toxicity. She gonna be your friend and your therapist at the couple sessions. That's what I'm saying. And instead of actually problem solving, and I think also part of women's nature, y'all are more like, y'all aren't as regimented as men, y'all are more, I want the catharsis, I want to talk it through. But as far as I need a plan and this how I'm gonna execute it, that's not necessarily y'all strong suit. I'm not saying all of you guys, but with that being said, with the overabundance of therapists that are black women, and then the popularity of black women seeking therapy, y'all just in the office kicking it. Y'all ain't really getting no work done. How you know that, though? I was gonna say, not even that. Because, did you see the therapist who went viral, I think it was last year, she was saying that she no long wants to take on a black male client. It's been two of them. Yeah, I remember that. I don't know. It's been two of them. One of them, she was twerking, shaking her ass and all kinds of stuff like black men ain't this and that. And then another one, she was saying that she's tired of working with black men. And then they took her off one of the black male therapy sites and she got mad. So like, the level of immaturity that we're seeing, I'm asking myself, yo, who gave you a therapy license? Right, I'm not even gonna say we're here. You're not even mature. Right, so with that being said, I think that's part of the reason men are so unenthusiastic about going to therapy. Because it's like, that's what I'm gonna run into. Another woman saying that I'm the problem. With no context or consideration in my life? Well, I had a situation that's recently where it was like I was telling you when I was in that session. Yeah, I was telling you earlier when you missed it, but one of my long time guy friends hit me with some therapy speak about a situation that made no sense. And it had been months since we had talked and all this stuff. And it's just like, don't, don't therapy, don't therapize me. That's what I'm gonna call it. Y'all know how to make it worse. Therapize, don't therapize me. Don't therapize me, don't therapize me. No, okay, it is. All right, well, come on, come on, come on now. Don't therapize me because, yeah, right here. Don't do that because I was saying all this, I'm trying to work on myself and in my healing journey and all this all I've done for me, you're saying I, I, I, I. And then you're still not taking that accountability. You're not understanding another perspective or side. So I think it's trickling over into the men too because this was a man. Yeah, I agree. Because we're not, because we're in a place where everybody is, it's sensationalized. So everybody's doing it, but we're not doing it properly. There's a term called internal locus of control and then external locus of control. And basically internal is you take responsibility for your world, right? Whereas external is it's everything and everyone's fault but mine. I think what pop therapy has created amongst men and women is this idea that I am the prevalent victim. And now I have the vocabulary to twist and articulate how I'm the victim. As opposed to the part that I played. So even in Will Smith situation, to bring it back to that, I don't feel bad for the name. No, I don't. No, I don't. Because you stay with her and you do the same thing. And you, you, you know more than better than anybody. And I've been talking about this during my case studies. A lot of men unfortunately are sedomasticistic. They seek out the worst, most terrible women that they can seek out. You know those women who say, oh, I don't have a bad attitude. You can't handle me. Or the dudes who say, oh, she gay? Oh, no, she not gay. Wait, see, she get somebody. We seek out challenges. Because I'll tell my nerd, stop deeming me, talk about it. You can change my mind because you cannot. We seek out challenges and then we want empathy for when it goes wrong. Because a lot of times these, to your point, you can see these red flags from a mile away which you think is six flags. You think it's fun. It's a circus. Same with women. But again, men do this too. And I think part of it is this popularizing or we getting therapy and this, this and that. And nobody's calling it out. Yeah. That whole thing about protecting my peace but a lot of people it's not taking accountability. It isn't such thing as protecting your peace but cutting everybody off that has a disagreement with you because you're not taking accountability. Because after you cut off four or five people, there's a common denominator. Oh yeah. You. So therefore you're not protecting your peace. You are dodging accountability. Whereas if you have that conversation is, yeah, you were wrong. Yeah, you're the one that did it. It was not us, it was you. But a lot of people go around, I'm protecting my peace. And you cutting off 10 and 15 people. If you're changing circles every year, you're the problem. It's you are the problem. It's you, baby. So you're not protecting your peace. You're dodging accountability. And you can look at a person's life and see who's elevated and who hasn't. Beat me. I mean, when you're doing the work, you're already gonna see it. I mean, it's pretty evident, it's clear. So when you, that's how I evaluate people, friends the same way. So if anyone's in my circle, if I see you elevating, I know you're doing the work. If I see you talking, I know you're just talking. It's just two different things. So you can talk, you can talk a good game as they would say. But if you are really into your self-growth and development, you're gonna be mindful of what you're around, what you interact with so that those things don't continue to bring trauma to you. Cause you're already trying to alleviate the trauma anyway that you experienced by growing up or whatever. So you're like me, I'm constantly erasing things as fast as I possibly can. So in my mind, if I'm having a conversation, I might have remembered what you said to me because it ain't valuable, right? But then I get to say, you ain't heard nothing I said. I heard everything you said, just wasn't valuable enough for me to hold on to it. I'll go ahead. But I truly believe too, we attract what we are. Whether you want to be accountable for that or not, men and women. So if you're attracting the same type of man or the same type of woman, what is it in you that is attracting them or bringing them towards you? You have to be accountable, say, okay, what do I have to fix? What am I putting out here on social media that's got my DM jumping on the Netflix and chill? What am I putting out here that makes her want to, you know, come and run through my money. Am I putting out here my stacks? Am I putting out here my profession? If I'm a basketball player or a truck driver or somebody that we know make a lot of, I work at BMW and you like this all day, we know what type of money BMW got, right? So if you got women trying to take advantage of you, what are you putting out there? What are you putting out there? You see most men are leading with that. You know, men because you're leading with certain type of pictures, certain type of outfits, certain type of verbiage, if you're leading with that, then if you throw the bait, then you gonna get the fish, right? I mean, you said a mouthful early, you know, out of the buns of the heart. The mouth speak. So what's really easy? You can't control that, if it's in you, that's what's coming out of you, you know what I'm saying? And what kind of fruit are you putting out? Right. As well as you said, what's your productivity look like? If you're doing the work and you in therapy, but I see you on here throwing shade on Facebook and being toxic, the therapy ain't working, baby. Cause why are you doing it? I don't wanna stop y'all. No, go ahead, go ahead. But at the same time, what's the grace period on Hicklin? Like how long? It's a lifelong journey. It is, right? It's always because you're always experiencing trauma. Will it take for somebody to get the accountability part of it? If they're just starting their healing journey, you know, like it would be up to the people, to the person to discern whether they wanna continue to be in this person's life who is still fresh or early in their healing stages. You get what I'm saying? So, you know, we're talking about people who, you go to therapy, what you're doing this, but like it takes time. And sometimes it's certain things that have to happen or certain conversations or things that need to come up for them to know, okay, I do need to accept accountability. So I'm just thinking like, well, how long have this person been in therapy for you to feel like, oh, you, the therapy ain't working for you? You get what I'm saying? Well, I feel, oh, sorry. But I feel like to really go to therapy to do the work and to heal or to accept healing, you have to take accountability. Let's say that there's brokenness that there's a trauma. So you do have some level of accountability. I think I'm speaking to the people that he said are just going to therapy to have my badge. And so I've been in six sessions, but there is no fruit. There is no elevation, there is no growth. So it's really not a grace period because we're always experiencing trauma. All of our life we're experiencing, but I think it takes a certain level of accountability to say, I really want to heal. Not I'm going to therapy so I can check it out the list. And I'm going to do the work immediately. I'm my best version of me, but we don't see the best version of you, not even a... So I think that's in my opinion, though. That's a certain level of accountability to say I need to heal. Because I know when I figured that out at 39, I was like, it was me this whole time. And it's honestly immediate if you want to be real about it. When you start, call what you want to heal and journey therapy, whatever you do, when you start working on taking accountability with yourself and understanding that sometimes you're the problem, it clicks. So everything else that you do, you're intentional about ensuring that you're not the problem. And in those times where you are the problem, whether it be intentional or unintentional, you still take accountability for it. You do what is necessary in those moments so that you don't continue down that vicious cycle that got you where you were before you were on the other side of your healing. And honestly, truly I feel like it's cool to know that you're working on your healing, but the highest compliment you can receive is someone who's working on being a better version of you daily is for the people around you to see it. And not only to see it, but to express it to you. Because you've known me in a lot of phases of my life. I have not always been this person. No. But I've not always been who she is sitting here. But for my friends, and when things, for me, but I think of my friends impact me so heavily, for my friends that I have known me through these phases, speak that life back into me and let me know you're not her anymore. You don't have to feel this way because that's not who you are. Then you know you're making it. I guess that's the confirmation you want. But honestly, truly when it comes to your healing, it's gonna be immediate because to truly work on you and being a better version of yourself daily by taking accountability, being healed or whatever, it is an immediate thing. You're not gonna be perfect at it, but it's immediate. Right, it's immediate. Go ahead, Alan. No, go make your point, make your point. If I sit in back, as I'm sitting here thinking about accountability, it's very interesting that we have in this conversation because it's so powerful, right? Accountability is so powerful. Like it'll take you from a state of ignorance to a state of awareness. But as I'm sitting here thinking about it, culturally, the foundation since we were kids, we were taught not to be accountable. So now when I think about this, what's the first story that anybody, just give me, I'm gonna ask anybody at the table, what's the first story of unaccountability that you can remember that was told to you? The Bible? Let's go there. Well, we'll go there. Let's go there because, no, no, I just wanna tap in. I just wanna tap in one second. But the story of Adam and Eve? Okay, that accountability stretches across the planet because who didn't take accountability, right? So that accountability, as I'm sitting here thinking about it, how that stretches across the planet for us not to acknowledge accountability, right? As people, we don't know to acknowledge accountability. We don't know how to say it's just I did it. It's my fault. Somebody else shouldn't suffer because I did that, right? So what I'm saying is if we've been raising kids and we've created a culture of normality, of not taking accountability, and then we get with people and relationships, how do we transition that that's so baked in? You got people that's 40, 50, 70, 80, right? Into that phase of still not accepting accountability. Kurt Franklin Mama? Yeah. I want to know. Yeah, that's deep. Kurt Franklin Mama. Yeah, you know, and I wanna make a distinction because I think what I'm seeing happen is, yeah, I did it and what? And that's all. And that's being framed as accountability as opposed to, yes, I did it. I am remorseful that I did it. How can I fix it? How can I fix it? How can I fix it? I'm ready to face the consequences. And I think going back to something you said earlier about once I heal then, I think part of that accountability is understanding that it might mean that what you might have qualified for before you're healing, you no longer do after you're healing. And unfortunately, I think amongst women as well, that's a very, very tough pill to swallow, right? It's like, yeah, I turned you down in high school before you were a billionaire, but now that you're a millionaire, you're successful and I'm not the same high school girl, I'm still deserving of you, which is not accountability inherently because you're expecting him to evaluate you the same way he did all those years ago. And you're expecting that he evaluates himself the same way he was valued all those years ago. So accountability, I think, is really humility. That's at the core of healing, humility. And that's my issue with this whole therapy movement because it's not encouraging humility. It's just encouraging being able to identify and articulate problems in everybody else.