 Hi, this is Victoria English, top coach with Project 90. How are you today? Once again, I am hijacking James Swanwick's podcast. I have a few things on my mind again. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You have decided to take a break from drinking. Let's say you decide that on a Monday morning. You think, oh, it was another weekend. I drank more than I wanted. That's it. I'm going to take a break, at least until next weekend. Maybe more. Sounds good. You've got that resolve. You're determined. Got the right mindset. You get through Monday. It's all right. Tuesday, the week gets a little hectic by Wednesday. And that voice starts again. Well, it is a rough week. And look how well you're doing. It's no big deal. Just have a couple of drinks. Maybe you're able to wait through Wednesday. But man, that chatter in your head is just getting louder and louder. And you find it's taking up more and more of your energy, more of your thoughts, more of your time. And you start the negotiations again. Then Thursday comes. And you say, you know what? Forget it. I have done so well this week. I'm just going to have a couple of drinks. I'll just have like one, maybe two. Well, you wake up the next morning and you're hungover. And you're ashamed of yourself because you think, what is wrong with me? I have done everything right. I can hold a job. I've got my life together. My family is good. Why can't I control alcohol? What is the matter? And then you go into what's called the shame spiral. And you think, I'm just a loser. I just I can't do this. Well, you know what? I can't do this. So forget it. I'm just going to drink. And it's the weekend anyway. Next thing you know, it's Monday morning. And you're back on that merry-go-round, resolving again that this is the week that you take a serious break from alcohol. Does that sound familiar? Well, it sure does to me because that was the story of my life. When I was drinking, I could go for a few days. I could sometimes go for more than a few days. It was so exhausting, though, to think about alcohol and try to moderate it and only have those two drinks and end up having more. And waking up the next day feeling lousy. I can still remember that feeling. The headache, the dry mouth, the nauseous stomach, maybe the regret over what I ate the night before. And yet I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was a Pilates teacher. I'm a nutritionist. I'm a healthy woman. I'm an educated woman. I've got my life together. But this one thing is driving me nuts. The problem is I was relying on willpower. And you know, I can use willpower for a lot of things. I can use it for, say, no to dessert at dinner. I can use it for going to a birthday party and having maybe one bite of cake, maybe two, and putting it aside. I can use willpower for lots of things. I couldn't use it for alcohol. Everything really changed for me when I understood willpower and alcohol. I'm going to start with alcohol. Part of the reason willpower doesn't work with alcohol is because alcohol is a highly addictive substance. And I come back to that often in my chats because it's really important to understand what we're dealing with here. We're not dealing with a piece of birthday cake. And not to say sugar doesn't have some addictive qualities, but alcohol is highly addictive, more addictive than cocaine. It's also expected. So here it is, a highly addictive substance that we are supposed to use in moderation. And somehow, if it goes past the point of moderation, or if we find we can't take a long break from it, there's something wrong with us. We must be weak. We must have some sort of moral defect or moral failing. We just don't love our family enough. We don't love ourselves enough. I get it. So again, let's just look at what we're talking about. We're talking about alcohol. So it's highly addictive. If you drink it long enough, and enough of it, it changes your brain. It creates neural pathways in your brain, which when not supplied with that highly addictive substance are going to start wanting it. Now, we don't look like some kind of drug addict looking for a fix. We just look like a person driving by that liquor store and thinking, I can't go in there. I promised myself I wasn't gonna go in there today. We look like that person at the party when everyone else is drinking, and we promised ourselves we weren't gonna drink, but there's alcohol everywhere. And to make things harder, our friends are asking, why aren't you drinking? It's the only substance that we take a break from and people wonder why. People push it on us. Society pushes it on us. What's the messaging we get? You've worked hard. You have a good life that you work really hard for and you have earned this right to relax. So have some of this addictive substance, but not too much, because if you do, it's on you. I understand that frustration. And that's why it's important to understand alcohol as a substance. It's also important to understand willpower. What is it? How do I get more? Why don't I have enough to break this habit? Science has proven that willpower is a finite, depletable resource. I read about a study that was really interesting. They brought people into a room and they divided them into two groups. The first group, oh, and the groups were together, they could see each other. The first group was given a plate of homemade, warm, fresh out of the oven, chocolate chip cookies, which of course the other group could smell and see. The other group was given a bowl full of radishes, raw radishes. I remember my mom putting radishes on my salad when I was a kid, and I remember picking them off of my salad and trying to hide them under the lettuce because they weren't very good. Now, I'm an adult and I can eat most veggies on a salad, especially if I understand the nutritional value, but I wouldn't say radishes would be a snack that I would go for. They're not very satisfying, especially when there's warm chocolate chip cookies over there. So there's these two groups. One has warm chocolate chip cookies, one has radishes. I think they were given maybe 30 minutes or so to enjoy their snack, their respective snacks. Now, you can imagine the second group, the radish group, was not feeling very satisfied, probably feeling a little frustrated, wondering why don't I get to have those warm chocolate chip cookies? After the time during which they were allowed to enjoy their snacks, they were each given difficult puzzles to solve. The puzzles did not have a solution. There's no way to answer them or complete them. Of course, the groups didn't know that. What happened was extremely interesting, and this is an example of willpower and why it gives out. The group who had the chocolate chip cookies was able to work much, much longer on these puzzles than the group that was given the radishes. Furthermore, the group that was given the chocolate chip cookies had a better attitude. Of course, they were confused. Why in the world can't I solve this puzzle? Not knowing, of course, there was no way to solve it. The radish group was ticked off. The radish group was like, what is this stupid thing? Why am I sitting here with a bowl of radishes and these puzzles? I can't solve it. They didn't have a real good attitude about it, probably because they could still smell those cookies and they were hungry. They were using willpower to get through it. How does that translate into our experience when we try to take a break from alcohol and use willpower? Well, think about your day. All day, from the time you wake up, you have decisions to make. The alarm goes off. What am I wearing today? What am I having for breakfast? What am I making my family for breakfast? Are the lunches packed? Did I sign that form? Ah, I didn't send that email back to the client. Am I prepared for the meeting later? Traffic is terrible. Is there another route to work? Oh my gosh, I forgot ABC. Someone's birthday is coming up next week. Shoot, I gotta get a gift. What am I gonna get them? So many decisions. Those are just the easy ones. What about the hard ones? What about things that are going on in the background of our lives? What about financial stress? What about work conflict? What about family discord? What about health concerns for yourself or for a friend or family member? Then we go a layer out, world events. What's gonna happen in this country? What's gonna happen with the economy? So many things that consume us that we have to think about that take up space. And all of those things, small or large, require energy, choices. Then you start the end of your day. Let's say it's four or five o'clock. You're winding up. You're heading home, hopefully. Some of us are working even longer. And there's that equivalent of a chocolate chip cookie, liquor store, wine aisle when you stop for dinner at the market, decision fatigue, willpower, depletion. At the end of our day, how do we expect ourselves to maintain willpower around this habit, this highly addictive substance that is expected in society to be consumed, that promises what we desperately want at the end of the day. Some relief, a break from the stress to shut off our minds. How can we expect ourselves or anyone to use willpower to do that day after day after day for a week, for a month, however long it is that you have decided to take a break from drinking? When you look at it that way, it kind of makes sense. And yet we have such difficult expectations of ourselves that we wake up the next day blaming ourselves, labeling ourselves as weak, as a failure, as someone who doesn't adhere to their word, doesn't follow through on their promises or commitments. That makes us wanna drink more, right? It sure did for me. So what do we do? I remember being so frustrated. What you do is stop using willpower. That sounds kind of contradictive, doesn't it? Hmm, how do I stop using willpower when I'm trying to stop a habit? I know it's not serving me. I know it's not good for me. There's so many ways. And unlike when you're like this, trying not to have that drink, it doesn't feel that way at all. In fact, it feels just the opposite. It feels empowering. It feels freeing. It feels great. We're not meant to do something like this by ourselves. We're not meant to make a huge change when it's an addictive substance that society expects us to ingest and that for 20 minutes or so may provide that promised relief when we are fatigued from all of the chatter in our heads. All of the things that go on during our day. All of the stressors, all of the triggers. We're not meant to do that alone. What we do is we find like-minded people. We find people who are like us in so many ways in that they're successful. On the outside, life looks pretty good. They're not losing jobs. They're not drinking out of a brown paper bag. And by the way, I say that with compassion because alcohol is a very, very dangerous substance that can take the best people to a very, very dark, awful place. I say that with compassion because that can happen to just about anyone to some extent if they allow alcohol to continue making the choices in their lives. I say that with compassion because it is an honor to do what I do, to understand what I understand about alcohol and the habit it can wreak on anyone's life. So back to what we do, we find people like-minded. We find people who are successful in so many areas who are great people, who have great senses of humor and enjoy being part of a community and feel alone because of this one damn thing. You find that community and you dig into it. It's a place where you can feel comfortable saying it's three o'clock and I'm thinking about drinking and I can't believe it and it's driving me nuts and I feel like there's something wrong with me. And the community says, we get it. We totally get it. There's no sense of embarrassment because we've all been there. We're all there supporting one another. It's also a community where it's then six o'clock and you say, hey, guess what? I didn't stop at the liquor store. I didn't walk down that wine aisle and you know what's really weird? I'm having this sparkling water with lime and I feel really good. I never thought I'd feel good having a sparkling water with lime at six p.m. But I do and we celebrate that achievement because it's a big achievement. Bigger than a lot of the achievements you may reach during your day, whether it's in the workplace or in your family life, in your home. It's a big deal and we celebrate it. We don't take a single good achievement for granted because we understand what it takes. But again, it doesn't take willpower. It takes community. It takes communication. It takes that honesty of being able to say how big alcohol has gotten in your life and how you don't want that to be the case anymore. Project 90 is a great place to come to have those conversations, to get the alcohol out of your system. Again, remembering what it is, a highly addictive, carcinogenic toxin that affects every part of your body, whether it's a little bit or a lot. Having that break from alcohol gives you the freedom to find what other things in life you like to do. What kind of interests did you use to have before alcohol became such a big part of your life? What'd you like to do? We encourage you to go get curious. Go try some of those things again. See how much better your body feels. Let's talk about waking up in the morning clear-headed. I still get a kick out of that. It feels so great. Even if I have a poor night's sleep for whatever reason, just waking up clear-headed just puts a really positive good spin on my day. So if you're curious about this and you're ready to put away the willpower, put away the shame, put away name-calling yourself, come over and check us out. 90 days is a great break from alcohol. It's a great way to just step back, take inventory, get your hope back, get that optimism back. As I said, come over, check us out. You can find us at alcoholfreelifestyle.com. You can download James' free book, How to Quit Alcohol. If you'd like to reach me, email me, Victoria at alcoholfreelifestyle.com and come over and check out Project 90. Like I said, I'm one of the lead coaches. I do a lot of the calls. We have a really good time. May sound crazy, but I promise you, it's actually more fun than driving past that wine store or that liquor store and sitting around drinking. We have a really good time. We talk about really great stuff. We talk about some hard stuff and we find solutions. Because if you're like me, you're not finding solutions in that glass of wine or that bottle. Come over and check us out at alcoholfreelifestyle.com forward slash project 90. Thank you for listening. Again, my name is Victoria English. It's an honor to be here. I hope you have a great day. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast. I wanna load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you wanna go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my Quit Alcohol Guide, which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals produce or quit drinking. You can also text the word Quit Guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US of course. It doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US, but if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word Quit Guide to the number 44222 or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15 minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word Project 90 to the number 44222 if you're listening in the US on a mobile phone. That's jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word Project 90, that's one word, Project 90, to the number 44222. Feel free to send me a direct message over on my Instagram account, which is at jameswanick. You can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my YouTube channel, which is James Swanick One or you can direct message me on Facebook at jameswanickofficial. And finally, a request, would you please now write a short review of the podcast inside of the Apple Podcast app on your phone or on iTunes on your desktop computer? Would you please give the show five stars and write a quick one or two sentence review? This will help the show get in front of even more listeners, potentially transforming someone's life. You can rate and review the show inside of your Apple Podcast app on your phone or over on iTunes on your desktop. Thank you so much and I'll catch you next time.