 Welcome to the 21 convention, Miami 2016. We are in Florida to hear our keynote speaker of the year. And he's also our former keynote speaker from 2014. He gave an amazing speech that was entitled The Sexual Marketplace. I know many of you guys have seen it. And in this speech, we're going to take this to a new level so that we can download some awesome information and live our lives better. None other than Socrates, let's bring it. Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the intro. My name is Socrates. And I help people navigate today's sexual marketplace. I do that by helping them understand the virtues, the risks, and rewards associated with long-term committed relationships. Today, I'm going to help you understand a little bit of what I consider the sexual marketplace and a critical component of that. The linchpin of the entire system. 25% of millennials will never be married. Take a minute. Look around you. Look to your left. Look to your right. Take a look at the three people next to you. Those people will find committed monogamous relationships in marriage, but not you. And for our home viewers, none of you will. If you're here looking for information on the sexual marketplace and relationships, you're concerned about this right now. You intuitively feel it. You understand it. And I'm telling you, it's not going to happen for you. Sorry. That is an ugly stat. That is a reality. Resisting this reality will do us no good. Right now, this is just a stat. This is a snapshot. That's the reality. That's the reality in context. From 1950 until then, a 54-point drop. By the way, that only goes to 2009. Projected today, it's an 11-point negative deficit since then. That graph is accelerating downward. That's the reality of today's sexual marketplace. It is bleak, and it is not promising, and culture is not modifying itself to amend this. There's some good news here on two fronts. The first is, for millennials, 70% of you actually do want long-term committed monogamous relationships. Most of you do want to be married. So you're countering this. This isn't something you want in your life. The best news of all this, including for everyone at home, you don't have to be a stat. All this can still be true, and it will not matter if it doesn't happen to you. The key is, you are going to have to address this personally. And I'm here today to help you do just that. The world's problems today typically will not be solved by any single discipline. And the reason for this is, if it could, it would have already been done. One profession, one trade, one set of expertise could have looked and analyzed the situation and resolved the issue. The problem is these things persist. They continue. They're non-answered. We don't have resolutions for them. So we need to find solutions that are multidisciplinary, that go across multiple functions of thought, ideas, and experience, and expertise to find common solutions. And one of the great analytics that I love, and I'm an architect so I like graphics, is I love a Venn diagram. It's a way of taking different ideas, different subject matters, big circles, and complying different thoughts together to start finding a solution. And in this particular example, we're going to be looking for your dream job. And we're going to analyze jobs you love, jobs you can do, and jobs that pay well. All three of those sound nice. The reality is we're going to find the job you really want, your dream job, when you bring all those three things together. We're going to use this type of tool and this matrix in analyzing today's sexual marketplace. We're going to be doing that by establishing and looking at culture, history, and biology. And when we analyze each of those three major subject matters, combine them together in that center is the high likely probability of a solution that will be perfect for you. It helps to understand our marketplace and where to look for solutions, because otherwise we're just kind of grabbing its straws. And that's not effective. If you know where to look for solutions, you're more likely to find them. But you first have to be willing to look for them. So let's start. I sit down and say the results have to be oriented to you. And we're going to be looking at the millennial culture. And it's important to do so. And I think we're going to be looking at some new ideas. Because I think millennials get a hard knock for a number of reasons. We're going to be looking at that. But we're going to be looking at millennial culture, because it has to relate to you. And we talk about this is it has to be relevant. It has to be relevant. Solutions for me and my generations will not be relevant for you. And because of that, any solutions I come up that may be reflective for myself, my generation, my outlook of life, will be completely unsatisfying to you. So we have to talk to you and your culture. And that is going to be unique. And to do that, we have to kind of understand what's taking place with the millennial culture. Today, millennials have a tremendous sense of vulnerability. Inherently, there's low levels of social trust and a very, very clear understanding the world is a risky, frightful environment. How do we know that? Let's use some great examples. Let's look at politics. Most millennials don't align or believe or trust either political party. The vast majority of you have major libertarian tendencies. That's new. That's not typically known. So that's an emerging issue. We also know most of you are non-religious, either non-affiliated or non-practicing, but there's a large component of atheism taking place. You don't trust old institutions. Culturally, significant changes there. I've talked at length on a number of presentations, even within this forum in the 2021 convention, about cultural impacts here. But let's take a real quick analysis, a real simple question. And let's relate it back to one, my culture and my demographics as compared to millennial demographics. If you asked me when I was your age in the 20s, do men menstruate? There'd be a clear, quick, fast answer to that. But today, it is seriously being considered, openly, question in culture. How do you think that plays on your psyche when everything normally would have been associated to believe the foundations of thought, ideas, and your viewpoints are constantly in question? You have every right to be fearful. You have every right to question normalcy. Let's keep going on this. How do you feel about the economy? Each and every one of you are children of their session. What are your job prospects like? Sense of career. And if we talk about men, one of the key elements of being a man is to protect and to provide. And when we talk about providing, what does that mean? It talks about being overproducing, not just producing for yourself, but to overproduce, to provide for others. In this economic situation, can you provide for yourself? Are you prepared to provide for yourself? There's a tremendous sense of insecurity here and fear that's reasonable. It's understandable. But we don't take that into account when we judge. We don't take that into account when we look for solutions. Here's the last one. More than half my audience members, you come from broken families. You're a product of failed families and divorce. The longest, most intimate look at long-term, committed, monogamous relationships in your experiences have been failures. Is it any wonder you have no faith in committed, monogamous relationships? Why would you? You have firsthand experience of what happens when you commit and you're involved. And I will say this. You were at the brunt end of that. Millennials are terribly insecure and for damn good reason. You also are very, very lucky. You live in a world where there's choice overload and there's a paradox with what comes with choices. Too many choices and people freeze up. There's paralysis involved. And it's not a matter of survival. It's a matter of pleasure. I think there was a peanut butter and jelly study. How many are in a grocery store? How many people have access not just to a cell phone but to a type, a brand, a service provider? Any major service that we choose, that we use, there's multiple competitors. Choice overload. That's endemic and social. Social and cultural condition. It affects your way of thinking. It affects your view on life. Second one is you live in the information age. And that is significant. That is very, very significant. Things have changed. It used to be you used to be able to go to school, graduate from high school, go to a job, and carry on. Not anymore. Now you need actually more. And in the service industry, you actually have technical skill and training. Usually that requires a formal education. But beyond that, you also have to tie that formal education to real-world practical experience that's marketable. That requires time. And millennials have been slandered and very poorly judged, and there's a term for it. Delayed onset adolescence. You people just aren't fucking growing up and being responsible. Oh, by the way, yeah, there's been a complete shift in expectations, but we're not going to acknowledge that. I think that's grossly unfair. It's inappropriate, especially in this economic situation. Then you combine that with choice overload. And you have a lot of elements being delayed. And by the way, I talked earlier about the default nature of mankind is for media. Procuracy. And if that's true, and you have choice overload, I get the fact that you would naturally want to kick a can down the road. Who would want to go out there? So there's a lot of things literally lined up against you that make these elements and solutions very, very challenging for millennials. Understanding that helps bring confidence, and you can start finding solutions when you actually know what you're facing here. Another is you guys are reared on technology. And it's not just the technology involved. It's the process of what we release. Everything is being beta tested. Software releases are constantly being updated. Nothing's ever permanently issued. You have beta testing. You have early release. You work out the kinks. You issue version 2.0, 3.0. It just keeps coming, or until the product's utterly abandoned one way or another. How do you think you affect relationships when you see this sort of behavior, when that's part of what you do? You see it reflected in the dating world. Version 1.0, girlfriend 1.0, girlfriend 2.0, 3.0. Abandoned really quick. We know there's another version coming out. Not only that, you're not going to sync that in and sit down and say, I'm going to hold this iPhone for the rest of my freaking life. You know there's version 3.0 right around the corner. And you're used to exchanging material products on a regular basis, because newer, better, is constantly coming out. That's incredible. The other is the technology itself. It is just as easy to meet as it is to repeat. All you do is swipe left, swipe right. We're no longer having to engage or invest in ourselves, to invest in a situation, a social context, to go over and meet people. Yeah, it's easier to swipe left or swipe right. And if it doesn't work out for you, fuck it, I'm rolling off. This is pattern and behavior. This is cultural thinking. It's endemic. And it's in the back of your minds. It's subconsciously there. Another and a fantastic one is you guys also have a massive fear of missing out. And it's completely understandable. The greater composite comparison you guys have really affects your ability to make a hard decision. Because what ends up happening is you're exposed to so many more options. And what you don't do is just sit down and say, it's just option A. What you start doing is having a comparison. You start comparison, not just the one or two girls you may have met socially, but a composite of the 100 women you may have seen online, experiences you may have had. And your expectations grow proportionally because of it. That's a challenge. Here's the other thing. Numbers don't diminish desire. And the clearest expectation of all this is I can remember the first time a woman revealed willingly, it wasn't a slight glance, her breasts. The first time I saw a pair of naked tits, oh my god, the only thing better than that was wanting to see the next 20, OK? I was done, you're finished, OK? That's natural, by the way, all right? So you have this, OK? And people turn to it, all right? And it's a challenge. And it gets even worse. There's an old phrase that is very, very difficult to keep the farm boy on the farm once he's seen the lights of Paris. Very, very true here. It gets worse when you've been out dating, OK? And some of these guys have been with five, six, seven women. In the 1950s, the numbers were remarkably lower. You didn't have those composite. It was much easier. We know, for example, the more sexual partners you have, the less likely you're going to be happy and fulfilled or sustained in a long-term relationship. And that magic number for men is five. That's mortifying. I just saw Nick's eyes just go light up like, yeah, he's toast. OK, you are so fucked, brother. You are done, OK? So what happens when, and by the way, they've done the studies out and actually put a cap on this. By the time you hit 20, your probability of happiness percentage goes down 1% for every new partner you have after 20. You're running a deficit. We'll talk more about Nick later. But keep in mind, it's terribly natural that people will fear heavy commitment where risks are high and ability to support are low and opportunities are in abundance. It's natural, OK? So this happens to be millennial culture, all right? You have a tremendous sense of vulnerability. You have tremendous overload of choices which causes paralysis. You are reared on technology that says everything is replaceable and you have an absolute fear of missing out. And that's your world of the sexual marketplace. This is how you are going into the sexual marketplace with those characteristics. How do you think you're going to fare? Anybody honestly now, after looking at this, have a better understanding why they have difficulties with women and with relationships? Maybe a little more compassion and understanding? How about we'll use the word empathy for your situation and cultural plight? This is what we're looking at here. The second characteristic we're going to look at is history. And I'm going to let the cat out of the bag real quick on this one. Physically, socially, culturally, humans have evolved to survive. You have everything you need to be successful in today's sexual marketplace. This is where I should be doing a happy dance. If I could moonwalk right now, I'd do it. Not off the stage, but this is where we should be celebrating. This is a damn good thing. This is the importance of looking at history. You can see successes. And what I'm going to tell you right now is you have everything you need to absolutely thrive, be happy, and to be successful. How do we know that? Let's take a look here. Example one, human evolution. Probably the most prolific organ we have and tool for our success is our brain development. Over the course of 14 million years between that guy over there, monkey boy, all the way across, two-thirds of that time, pretty flat line, not a lot going on. Very, very limited development right out to here. Two-thirds of that time, we had similar brain sizes than apes. And then something happened right here. And man, did that shit take off. Our brain started developing, hardcore. Most of that improvement occurred in the last two million years. We're going to talk about that a little bit later. The importance is something happened that allowed for sexual selection to be paramount to promote this. And we know one of the most important is complex tool use. Now, this is one I'm always really happy about. I was really fascinated with as a child. I got thrown out of a number of zoos for doing it. I would tease apes. You start doing this, you do that. Apes can do that, but they cannot do this. And they cannot do that. You want to get an orangutan really fucking pissed? Just do this. Not cool, but hey, kind of my childhood, I learned that. And I started applying it. Fucking love science. Anyway, so that's fascinating. But I'm going to argue complex tool use really wasn't it. And man, I love alluvian tool points, flint napping, the whole thing, the gorgeous. But that really didn't make us successful. That was a technology. What really made us successful was that we actually formulated large extended family social packs. More than just packs, we had complex social arrangements. And our brains allowed for analytical complex abstract planning. And one of the most important, extended child care. This shoots up. So does the length of child care development, of training, socializing, passing on non-genetic knowledge through the generations. Your ability to learn not firsthand, but by what was taught to you, what I am doing right fucking now, speaking and communicating, teaching, so you don't have to do it. You don't have to make those mistakes. And because of it, we thrived, we reproduced, and we selected for those that were best able to think and rationally use their brains, and we can prove it. And how do we prove it? You're sitting here today. You are the living, breathing end of 500,000 generations that made that happen. And some of you, that's going to be the end, because you can't get over the adaptation, the challenges that we face in our environment, in our culture. I don't believe that. I'm going to tell you you can. I'm going to tell you, you have all the equipment right now to succeed. And there it is. Keep that in mind. Socially, we're prepared to succeed. This is how we're supposed to live. Large, extended family, stogic family packs, multi-generational family members. This is a phenomenal success model. One of the most important is not just that we had shared survival goals, communal living, cooperative care of the young, and a division of reproducible labor based on reproduction and gender. Some ugly realities there based on gender, but it works. The biggest and most important is the extended child care, the ability to raise children over a period of time. The longer that period takes, the better. Train the children are, the better they succeed. Let's talk about something really ugly. I said this works. Let's be really blunt. Patriarchy works. It is a global, universal success across time, not just in one culture, all cultures, not just in this area of the country or this part of the world or this continent, globally, over 500,000 generations. This has been a model of success. Our problem? We're ignoring it. We also know that culturally, we're not adapting particularly well. And evolutionary biologists will tell us we're maladapted to modern life. I'm exhibit A. I've got a little more hair, but I don't know, I'm a little, we'll leave it at that. In a very real way, modern life has brought on a number of physical ailments, biomechanically, biometically. Obesity, diabetes type 2, osteoporosis, heart disease, any number of cancers, all associated with modern living, one way or another. That's culturally induced, by the way. That's man-made. That's not environmental. That's man-made. And if it's man-made, we can correct it a lot faster than we can correct nature. Literally, sitting in extreme stress is the new smoking. Keep that in mind. Kind of amazing. I have to. I have to take my own advice, God knows I'm trying. But we're going to work on this. But keep in mind, these are the ramifications of transitioning from hunting and gathering to farming and agriculture. This is what happens. Now, this got accelerated with the Industrial Revolution and has absolutely been exasperated by today's post-Industrial Revolution and our service-based economy. We're going to see a lot more of this unless we change, unless we adapt. We also know, just as we had broad-scale transformations to our practice of living, our ability to adapt biomechanically, so too of the challenges to our us to adapt socially. We have not adapted socially to the same influences of culture that we were failed biomechanically. And how do we know that? Let's take a look at this. We have seen more changes culturally in the last 250 years than in the last 250,000 years. Think about that. You take the history of the United States, 240 years this year, add 10 more years. So the entire American Revolution, the entire American journey, we have seen more cultural change in that time period than going all the way back to Monkey Boy, 250,000 years. I'm sorry, it wasn't Monkey Boy, 250,000 years. That is utterly remarkable. Keep that in context as we start looking. And we've gone from families, Georgia packs to tribes to living in cities and metropolises. That's a remarkable transformation. Not just that, we have global centers now. And the worldwide web is even making it more plentiful. We just don't have a global element. It's now virtual. And we're operating socially in these environments. And we're losing sight of something very, very critical. All this massive, massive fucking success. And we're losing sight on the fact at our core, we're social interconnected animals. We're mammals. We're meant to socialize. We're meant to interact with each other. Here's the last one. Technology-driven social media has created a cultural situation where we are both flooded and starved for real social connections. The connections we are making are utterly unsatisfying. We are literally having our social connections made equivalency of eating through a vending machine. It is nothing but junk food, short-term, easily disposable, cheap, quickly packaged, mass-produced content. And that's our social media. Pick the format, pick the software. The results are the same. If we know feeding ourselves and having diet and nutrition that stems from junk food and vending machine is unhealthy, what do you think it's doing to us socially? And keep in mind, we are expected. We have a biological imperative to have interconnected sociability. When we talk about loneliness, the health risks go through the roof for people who are chronically lonely, who are chronically isolated in society. We know that will drive people to kill themselves, to terminate their own existence based specifically on a lack of social connection. In that regard, a lack of social connection is a terminal disease and a disease that can be cured by the way in which we treat our relationships and what we feed, how we feed ourselves socially. All right, third subject. We're going to be talking about biology and particularly why and how we think the way we do. And this is going to be a lot. If you guys like the last two, this is going to be a lot more fun. We're going to be, again, looking at our most successful tool, the organ, the brain, what has made us successful. And what we know is for over 500 million years ago, this brain, the hind brain, the very bottom one, was what we actually created. Every vertebrate has that brain structure, humans, mammals, reptiles, that's what we call it, the lizard brain. And at its center, it's hardwired for survival. And hardwired means you don't have to be taught to use it. It's already baked into the cake. You're using it day one. The fascinating part about it, though, is you can learn. It does have a slight degree of plasticity. And Nick Sparks spoke about this in his presentation. He's going through this right now. OK, and how do you learn? How does the lizard brain learn? Resulting trauma. You get hurt. You get hurt. Bad to the point you become fearful, genetically. OK, deep-seated trauma. Deep-seated, repeated trauma. That's where that comes in. And you're going to have a biological response to it. And you're going to keep making the same mistakes until you're so fucking sick and tired of it that you change and adapt. And that man is adapting. That is fucking impressive. Each of us need to do this. Don't have to go through the trauma, but we need to adapt to the situation. So listen to when each speaks. I find that story utterly fascinating, and remarkable, and commendable. This, if we want to change the world, is going to reside here. This is the mid-brain. It's a paleo mammalian complex. This is where we have socialization. This is where we have our motions for motivating ourselves and our emotions evolving with feeding, reproduction, socialization. The interesting one on this, you only have a slight period of actually developing it. Some of it's going to be ingrained. Some of it's going to be genetic. Others, apart for the vast majority of it, has to be taught. And you only have a small window in which to do this. And we learn these skills by reflectivity. We learn them through each other by experiencing. And what are they? Trust, empathy, stability, consistency of care, and love. These are all mammal traits, superbly mammal traits. And where do we learn these? Typically, from our primary care provider. And I'm going to stop really quick, because what happens is when we fail to develop these socially, we have a resulting degree of fear, mistrust, anxiety, and additional insecurities. These are real. A lot of you guys have them. We all do, each and every one of us. We would not be here today if we didn't have this in effect. So this goes back to our childhood. And here, by the way, if we stop right now, if you take anything I've ever said, anything I've ever done, right now, write this down in memory, in blood, if you have to. This will not change your life. It will not change my life. But it's more important than either of ours. This has ability, what I'm going to tell you, to change human history and human future projection, our future. It is dealing directly with your children and your literally family tree. If we know that these traits of fear, mistrust, anxiety, that end up as adults manifesting themselves in codependency, alcohol abuse, any number of social anxieties can be resolved in childhood by having a primary care provider present and available and consistently there, you're going to change the world. Study after study recently have been coming out showing that neglect is a primary source of abuse. Simple neglect, abandoning your job. Who does that? Hardly anybody. Here's the catch. And it's significant. And it's not getting a lot of news. Children that are put in daycare for more than 20 hours a week suffer the same malefacts as children physically abused. There's your neglect. Daycare. Making a conscious choice not to have primary care provider there for the first three years of life. I'm not talking a life sense, the first three years. If we can change that equation, have each and every one of you today just dedicate yourselves to creating that envelope for your child, we can change the world right there. And it starts with your children. I can't prevent what happened to you. I can't prevent what happened to me. The anxieties we had because of it, our parents may have not known. We may have been let met astray. But the consequences are still here. We can change the world by the manner in which we treat our children in the first three years of life. That is utterly fascinating to me. And it's utterly attainable. And again, the world can be a statistic. You and your child does not have to be. Now, you will have also heard other elements. What happens when it's not just neglect? What happens when in early youth, you just don't go through a situation of benign neglect. Because, and keep in mind, a child doesn't understand when mother's not around, or when the primary caregiver's around. They're just not there. They can't rationalize it. They're fearful. They just feel abandoned. Well, what happens when you actually have real, honest to God trauma, when you're truly fucking abused? What happens then? What occurs then? You know what the results are? It's not codependency. It's not substance abuse. It's not any number of behavioral disorders. No. We got a great one. You end up becoming a sociopath. You end up becoming a psychopath. Extreme narcissism. Okay, any of those cult personalities, sort of borderline personalities, that's where that stuff comes in, non-genetically. I think there could be a possibility of a genetic component, but we know external factors, social development, this is absolutely true, and utterly preventable, all right? Now, in an earlier speech that I gave previously, I talked specifically about what to do about, you know, when you have a real world monster in your life, when you're dealing with a narcissist, when you're dealing with a sociopath, when you're dealing with a psychopath in your life. And I'm telling you, if you're going out in the environment, dating environment, you're gonna come across these. Why? Because you're gonna be drawn to the same environment they choose to excel in. Okay, one of the fascinating ones is if you wanna come across a sociopath, go to a nightclub. I'm not kidding. Go to a nightclub, okay? That is a proving ground for sociopaths and psychopaths. Okay, they thrive there. Take that into account the next time you look at that environment, and see how many people are there, not just unstable, but deeply unstable, okay? The problem is you're gonna be attracted to it like a moth to it for all these biomechanical reasons. It's fascinating. But just keep that in mind. If we're gonna change the world, we can do it right here, all right? You wanna strengthen your family tree and leave a phenomenal fucking legacy that I did better, I knew better, I did better when I knew better, and this is the gift I give my child right there. First three years of your child's life. Dedicate yourself, make sure your life is in a position to be able to achieve that. If you do that and drop dead, you've made the world a better place. You've been successful. Promise we have this fear that we're not even gonna get there, are we? All right, first you have to get a maintenance spouse. All right, now the third brain, okay, is the most recently developed, and is the major differential between us and all the animal kingdom. It's a rational brain, neocortex. It is the most plastic. It means it continues all the way up to almost death to learn, okay? The problem with this part of the brain is it takes it 20 years to develop, all right? Really long period of time, but the ability to constantly learn and develop is called wisdom. Learn to work it, utilize that part of the brain. This, by the way, was the brain that made us the most successful, extending childcare, cooperative living, complex planning, abstract reasoning and thought. That's where that's coming from, all right? Utilize that brain, all right? It's a fascinating component. Now, let's talk about all three of these things together. And then we're gonna actually utilize the word of the day from the 21 convention. We actually learned a new word on the eve of the convention, and that is dichotomizing. And because I'm gonna put a particular sock twist on it, and it may be a reference to everybody else, I'm gonna use it in a particular way. I'm gonna sit down and say there's a dichotomizing aspect to the brain complex. It's an inside joke for 21 convention members. These three brains do not work in conjunction all the time. In many cases, they're opposed to each other. They compete to each other. And one of the fascinating things, and Nick Sparks even brought it up, is that chemically, one shuts down the other. The lizard brain, the hind brain based on survival, and the mammal brain, the emotional reason of motivation and connectivity and all these sort of things, will actually shut down the neural pathway to the rational brain. You literally become lobotomized, okay? And the quickest way this happens, okay, an example of this is when guys see tits, rational thinking's out the goddamn door. Hey, Billy, look at the booty on this one, you know? It's just like done, you're lobotomized. Women go through the same thing when they're emotionally based. They're really good on the emotional base. Are they rationally thinking? Are they utilizing that brain? Is it partially their fault? They're not trained and they haven't developed the ability to sit down and say, hey, look, my midbrain's kind of going off on the emotion, but I'm not rationalizing, okay? Understanding this complex is interesting. Here's the problem with it. It's one thing to sit down and say your lizard brain is fight or flight, that when I get in a situation such as public speaking, all of a sudden I go into limbic thinking, you know, fight or flight and you choke up. I sometimes become, you know, I'm not as creative. Word draws a lot harder, okay? I'll have to learn to train myself to breathe, take a breath. The problem, though, isn't that I just go into that mode. Oh no, it's hell of a lot worse than that. We have reward mechanisms. Hormonal chemical reward mechanism. Nick talked about dopamine, oxytocin, okay? Adrenaline. That shit's pumping it in. That's like getting Ric Flair condemned down here and say, okay, fight or flight and go, woo, boom, baby. You know, I'm not even gonna run. I'm gonna run and fucking run fast, or I'm gonna fight and I'm really gonna get into it. Okay, the problem is this activates sexually too, doesn't it? Damn tits. Okay, not just tits. What do you fucking do when you see G-sized titties? Okay, and by the way, G is the new triple D, right? I'm finding that out with millennial culture too. Jesus Christ. I've been born in the wrong decade. So we also can also be a little more empathetic too to women emotionally based, shuts down and they're getting pumped with all the same chemicals we do. Okay, they do to emotionalize, to connect, to nurture, to support, to go, ah, okay. But you have to learn to use the rational brain. And the two most critical skills, and this is another bookmark, write this shit down. If you want two damn skills that will transform your life, self fucking control. Putting a stop to the chemical rush. When you feel that shit going, God, she's hot. Stop that shit right then and there, okay? Women, when you're emotionalizing too much, put a stop to that shit really quick. Take a deep breath, because you're just absolutely in limbic thinking. You're in a million complex and hindbrain thinking. Take a deep damn breath and think of your long-term best interest. Use your rational brain. If you do those two things consistently across the board in every element of your life, you're gonna have better results, all right? And that is a free, easy takeaway. I said it was an easy takeaway. It is gonna be incredibly difficult to master. It's gonna be incredibly difficult too. And that's why training and experience is critical. The more you train, the more you experience, the easier and better it is. Sexual biology, here's a big one, all right? Natural selection dominates. Absolutely dominates. I've talked about it on another convention speech, literally talked about the sexual marketplace and the map to it, about how natural selection and social selection are opposed to each other and how that primary makes up the sexual marketplace with prom is natural selection dominates. We know something horrible about natural selection, though. Nature doesn't fucking care. There's no morality here, zero. Nature doesn't come with morality, with philosophy. It just wants what it wants, okay? And when we talk sexually, it is absolutely survival of the fittest and is hind in membrane centric, not rationally thinking. All that rational brain, that big powerful frontal neocortex that we have, that's rational thought. This doesn't live here, all right? Natural selection means we wanna self preserve, protect ourselves and to breed by any means possible. Rape, violence, murder, cuckolder, cheating. Nature doesn't care. Nature doesn't care, but we should. And if we're gonna care, we need to prepare for ourselves. We need to understand it. What are the drivers? What are the mechanisms? And how does it manifest itself? We have a binary sexual based morphology, meaning male, female. There's two sexes. And for the most part, 95, 90% were identical. We share similar traits and attributes. But where we differ, we differ significantly. And one of the most impressive is in brain development. Men and women not only think differently, we have different structured brains slightly. And based on these dimorphisms, we develop different patterns of thinking. We have different issues at hand. One of the most important, and it's not fair, it's just the way it is, it's a reality, is that women are the only ones that can lactate, and they're the only ones that have very limited egg supply. Sperm is plentiful, eggs are in very reduced numbers. That affects thinking, on resources, how we behave. Not only that, when women are carrying children, they have a tremendous need for resources. They're literally, physically providing for another being, and are not in a position to acquire those resources. That manifests itself over 14 million years in brain development. It therefore manifests itself in what she's gonna be looking for as compared to what he's looking for. Let's look at what she's looking for. She's gonna be looking for the following traits in him. Now, as men, this is where you need to take relative notes, you can come back later. But you need to be able to answer these. You need to be able to exhibit these traits for her to find you as a desirable mate, and want to be selected by you, or her by you, or I'm sorry, the other way around. You wanna be selected by her. And the primary following three categories, survival, provision, and seduction. Interesting enough, males will have the same thing, we'll discuss that in a minute. But the survival dimorphisms are associated with physical stature, fitness, and general health markers. Not too surprising there. The interesting ones is the provisions. Where is she getting her provisions? Those resources that she so desperately needs when she has a child. Remember, these are genetically encoded because of traumatic experiences, or learned behaviors of past historical trauma, transcended down genetically through brain development. And what we have here is she's looking for a man with social standing. Okay, and that could be wealth and affluence, okay? Power? It can also be charm. A man who's social, terribly social, because social people are more successful than non-social people. It's a fact of life. And there's a biomechanical response of attraction for this. Additionally, there's a degree of seduction. She's expecting a man to be able to liberally, sexually entice, provoke, escalate, and execute. If you can't do those, your value in this sexual marketplace naturally diminishes, okay? You need to be able to represent and be able to do these things. You need to be able to have command of these elements. The interesting enough, in general, and this is gonna be one, if you guys wanna ask me a great question later on, bookmark this, in a normal society, in a normal culture, the woman therefore becomes a gatekeeper of sex. So the question you should ask me after this is what happens in failed societies, in failed cultures, non-normal, what happens here, okay? One of the important things, again, is all these things are relegated to the mid and hind brain, okay? These are not rational thought processes. The problem that happens here, if you're gonna have change, it's gonna be because of the resulting poor decisions and trauma, all right? The example is we'll give single ladies when ladies go up to the bad boy tree, that would be you, and go up and shake the fucking bad boy tree, and when a douchebag falls out, you expect a great man to be around. Before you sit on and say I'm misogynist, I'm gonna treat you like a real honest, authentic and agent of your own decisions. You went and shook the fucking bad boy tree and a douchebag fell out. You chose to get involved with him. I have no pity for you. The more douchebag tree shaking you do, I have no respect for you. Ladies, you can ride the cock hair cell of douchebags all you want. And when it's time to get off because you're hitting a wall, you're attractive or sexual market values plummeting, I have no pity for you. I'm sorry, you are an agent of your own life. You need to be accountable. Stop shaking the goddamn bad boy tree and expecting good men to be around. We're seeing this, we're witnessing this. That's not virtuous behavior. These are not things we're gonna be looking for, all right? Now, there's a caveat to all this. We were just talking about single ladies, okay? Hypergamy, that's her inclination, that's a term for it. Exists with married women, because just because you're married, your biological responses don't go away. They still exist, okay? And ladies, if you're married, you need to get some fucking pussy control. You have every expectation that your husband, your boyfriend is gonna have dick control when it comes to other women. Why not you? You're gonna need to control that shit, okay? And you do it by learning behavior. You learn it by understanding your natural inclinations and you get a dresser. I'm sorry, if somewhere in your marriage, you become disenfranchised, you're not happy, and you decide to destruct your relationship. Knowing this is not for the betterment of your children. Do not ever look me in the eye and tell me, I do have divorce, but I have my children's best interests in heart. That is absolutely a fucking lie unless he's abusing those children or you. And in most cases, that's just not happening. Sorry, ladies, no pity. You own it. Be an agent to your own life. Now, to be fair, let's talk about the boys. You have same predilections. It's the same characteristics, okay? It's called hypogamy, okay? Survival, provision, seduction. They vary a little bit. Interestingly enough, survival dimorphisms, the physical traits, they're gonna be very, very similar to what women want. You're gonna want somebody who's healthy, fit, and vital, okay? The interesting one is based on provisions. What is she providing? We don't think about that. But what are women bringing to the table? And the interesting one is we're looking for a variety of things, youth, fertility, and variety. Oops. Here's an ugly one. Our natural inclination is variety. We want a variety of them. I want a redhead, blonde, brunette. I want exotic, and not only that, I may be like Little Caesar, pizza pizza. The guy may want two, okay? This, ladies, you're gonna have to answer this. You're gonna have to compete, all right? And we talk about seduction. It's a number of things. You do want sexual enticement. You want provocation, and you want availability. We need to have sexual attachment, sorry. Availability is an issue. Now, in a normal society, okay? This means men are the gatekeepers to commitment. Let's talk about that one just for a second. Men have to be induced to commit, all right? And without that inducement, there's no need to commit. Earlier, I said it had to be a group in a normal situation. Guess what happens here culturally when cultures fail? Value commitment go up or down. In a failed society, failed culture, the value of commitment goes through the fucking roof. And by the way, it goes through the roof so damn high that it leaves a sexual marketplace. Women are no longer even looking for commitment. They're just looking for resources. And you're starting to see that reflected today. It's out there. It's online, all right? That's where we're heading. It becomes a really, really fascinating element of looking based on past performances, what we know, and where we're heading. I don't like how that's going. Now likewise, the only way this is gonna change, pulling Nick Sparks' talk right back to the forefront is through resulting trauma of poor choices. He laid out personal examples. He laid out scientific studies. He showed you any number of things. You're gonna have to actually change how you behave to change your results. By the way, I know you guys are already here and we've talked about shaking the bad boy tree. What happens when you shake the whore tree? Whores fall out, right? Yeah, fuck yeah. I'll be like fucking Oprah here, shaking the whore tree. Nothing but whores, whores for everybody. Whores for you, whores for everybody. Yeah, fuck yeah. Woo. You know, in all honesty, who doesn't like fucking eye candy, right? You know, the more I shake that whore tree, the more candy I get at falling out of that tree. Here's the problem. Tell me about a nutrition on candy. What happens when you have nothing but nutritional source based on sugar? Become diabetic, become insulin resistant. Okay, and we're not talking about candy. We're not talking about sweets. We're talking about virtue or the lack thereof. So what happens when you consume a diet and nutritional value of a lack of virtue? When you surround yourselves constantly with whores, porn stars, Instagram models, chicks that are doing some just fucked up shit. God, I love it. But what happens when you do that? You become insulin resistant to virtue. You can't see it. It doesn't respond to it. You're not aroused. You're not enticed by it. How do you think, what do you think's gonna happen? You know, and the problem here is when you actually engage with unstable people, non-virtuous people, you're guaranteeing a non-virtuous life. You're guaranteeing an absolutely unstable future. Be very, very careful. Use cock control, okay? More importantly, use visual capture control. Stop pursuing those chemical responses that we naturally get as reward mechanisms for thinking limbically, okay? Put a stop to that shit, okay? Self control. And then long-term planning and looking ahead. Start using that fucking brain, okay? Develop it. Start an exercise. Start walking through an environment. See a hot chick immediately. Oh, okay, sorry. Lizard brain can't help that shit. Geez, you know. But sit down and look at her and go, is this a virtuous person? What's she trying to hide? We've had a number of speakers talk about that. People who act overtly sexually are trying to mask a lack of virtuous traits because all the time and energy they're putting in sexual development, they're not putting into other areas. We only have a certain amount of time and energy on this. Okay, it's not like it's infinite. Where is she putting her time and energy and emphasis? And why? Now, is she hot and gorgeous and lovely? It's a whole different thing. But you're gonna have to be able to analyze that. Start looking, start preparing yourself for that. This is where biology takes us. All right, so now we've talked about the three major categories. Where's the lynchpin, okay? We're gonna start looking at this. Now, one of the things I wanna do is let's look at the overlapping areas. This becomes fascinating. Not because that's where we wanna go. It's because it's a near miss. It's almost, okay? And if you find yourself here in any one of them, we're gonna cover them in a second. Okay, it is gonna be really hard to let go, particularly if you can't fucking identify it. All right? It's like a poker hand that you almost, it's almost right, but you're gonna have to let that shit go. And the faster you let that shit go, okay, the less money you lose, the less resources you lose, the less energy you expend. Another way of looking at it is if this is the driveway to your life, if someone's occupying a driveway, the next vehicle can't get there. The woman you do wanna meet, the relationship you do wanna have will have no room because you're currently being occupied by almost, by that close, by not quite right. We're looking for the dream job. We're looking for the dream relationship. We're looking for the dream partner. We have to understand these areas. So let's look at them real quick. So what happens when you only take culture and history? Okay, and you remove the biological component. Who are these people? This is called settling, okay? When you devoid yourself of a sexual base attraction. Now, in all fairness, Nick actually came up with a phenomenal example. He has a roommate that it was from a different culture and this is the prime marriage, isn't it? This is an arranged marriage, potentially. And by the way, we said it was a great one. Okay, and he talked about Eastern thought. You know, the difference between Eastern and Western thought where love and marriage are combined and the reality in Eastern thought, they actually learn to love the person they marry. That's a phenomenal element. But here's the problem, it's not your culture. You're gonna find that unsettling and unsatisfying. You can't reap the benefits of a culture and a thought process and a belief system that is not yours unless you change that thought process. Okay, right now, if you did that, if I told you I could find you a perfect marriage partner, but you're not gonna have a sexual arousal element to it. You're not gonna have a choice into it. Culture, you're gonna be a success, okay? Because we know you're gonna accept it and historically it's a proven mechanism. By the way, there isn't a romantic component. I don't think you guys are gonna be happy about it. So we have to have that component in it. What happens when we have culture and biology and we leave out precedence? That's a fucking hot mess. Okay, not only is it a hot fucking mess, this is your sexual marketplace today. You know how we talked about that whole historical precedence of patriarchy work? Is that culture accepted? I'll get myself on an FBI watch while it's talking about it. I'll be attacked, threatened. I'll have my job threatened. I'll have my clients contacted. If I sit down and say the word, patriarchy works. All right, that's where we're at. Ignoring historical references are gonna tell us we're likely to fail, okay? Or we could succeed, we don't know. But the problem is, currently, we're not even allowed to measure it. If you fail, we're not allowed to look at that failure. We can't look at why, we can't look at the construct, we can't look at the things that led up to that construct of failure. We just have to accept what culture says with ignoring historical precedence. Patriarchy's bad. We wanna live in a society where men are demeaned, demised, torn down, not valued, okay? Where men are not taught to lead biologically. Even though we know women are predisposed sexually to do that, biomechanically to do that, biologically to do that. We're gonna ignore that. No, no, no. We're gonna help out with the whole fucking new system and we're not gonna run checks and balances on it and we're not gonna measure it. How do you think that works? It's not. By the way, there's your 25%. Remember that graph going down? So we're at what happened culturally that led us to that depreciation. I think there's a link. I think I've talked about it in another talk. I think a number of guys had. This would be a great time to click the link below and join and check those videos. You can find the answers there. We talk about it at length. Yeah, join the 21 University. It's a great place to be. So what happens when we actually combine biology and history but we leave culture out of it? This is non-conforming. These are the odd people. These are the people doing their own goddamn thing, isn't it? And we know a lot of these people. Nick talked about one of them. This would be the alternative culture element. These would be people who are religious, who have strong political convictions, one way or another, typically conservative. They're happy, by the way. They're happier in hell, but here's the problem. It's not your culture. And because it's not your culture, again, you're not gonna find the results happy. You're satisfying. So that's not gonna be quite right for you. Ignoring what culture says to accommodate your needs. We need to actually find solutions that are right for you and your culture, your outlook, and your worldview. So we need to combine those, even though we have some stellar examples of shit that works. That won't be quite right for you. You're gonna have to tailor it differently. We're gonna have to shift that a bit for you. So where does this get us? What's the linchpin of this Venn diagram? What's the solution? I've been talking around it intentionally. I said it had a matter to you. No, the solution is fucking you. You are the linchpin to the sexual marketplace. You are your own solution. You just don't know about it. The problem is you have to be accountable to that solution. You have to manifest all the things we just talked about. You personally have to resolve these issues if you do not have a culture that has done it for you. And by the way, inheritance is an awesome, awesome gift to life. If you can inherit that culture, fan fucking tastic. If not, you're gonna have to work at it. Beauty, biologically, either you elicit tremendous hypogamy response or hypergamy response. If women and men find you immensely genetically attractive, God, what a fucking inheritance you've got. If you haven't inherited great fucking beauty, wealth, fame, resources, all those things, you're gonna have to recreate it. It still resides with you. That's 50% of that equation. I'll say the vast majority of it for men. Why? Because the other half is your choice and partner. Who you select, what values they have, what values you share with them, what values they're projecting, what have they've done in their past that's relevant, that you can analyze that will be indicative of future behavior. You need to be able to understand that. You need to screen and filter and check and test write that shit, just like you would software. All right, you need to communicate these things. You need to work that. And it needs to be a construct. And it helps so much if you know what these things are and we just presented them. Here's an interesting one. What's pulling this shit apart? Under normal situations, this shit would just come together naturally. It's how it should be. We know culturally is getting involved. Culturally starting to pull it apart. What happens? You have fear and intimidation, part of your outlook. You also have choice overload. Way too many choices, not only that. Too many choices, too much experience. You lead to absolute paralysis. You have difficulties making big choices, particularly when there's abundance, particularly when things are at risk. And by rights, you should be. You also have a massive fear of missing out. That's gonna pull that shit out of there. That's gonna affect that lynchpin. You need to pull that shit back. You need to reel that in. You need to get command of that. You need to fix it in place. You need to be that solution. Your partner needs to understand that and be a partner with you in doing so. Historically, what happens? What pulls this apart? Indifference to historical precedence. Ignoring what fucking works. Why would you go out and try to reinvent the wheel and not analyze how well it works? I'm not saying it's perfect. Take what works and discard what doesn't. Tweak that. Try something different. I get that, but measure the results, all right? Also, look at our cultural failures. Where are we failing ourselves culturally? And in particular, where are we failing ourselves because shit wasn't scalable? Our social ability, because we're feeling disconnected. We understand it. We need to resolve those. We need to personally develop the social skills and connections to thrive and be healthy. These you have to be accountable for. Biologically, this is a huge one. We wreck our lives here with infidelity. We wreck our lives here because we don't understand we have a limited time and we're squandering a phenomenal resource, okay? We have to understand hypergaming. Ladies, get fucking pussy control. Understand this and absolutely leverage and control that. Just like I expect each and every one of you, when you commit, be accountable to that commitment. Fucking control your dick. You cannot be fucking your dick or sticking your dick in random squirrel and still expect to have long-term committed relationships. It's immoral, it's unethical, and it doesn't fucking work. Why? Whether your partner knows it or not, you do. And there's an expression. You'll manifest itself. When you live virtuously, you'll get virtuous results. Even when it ends catastrophically. I think there's a man in this room that'll testify to that. It's not me, somebody else. All right, here's just one more. These things are innately difficult. They're hard. They're incredibly hard, but they're well known. You're gonna have to work at these things. You're gonna have to learn what social skills are, okay? How to be social. You're gonna need to learn relationship skills. And the primary issue on relationship skills, two things, we've already covered it. Self-control and long-term thinking. And how do we do that? Reducing violence, okay? And reducing tension, all right? We do that by self-control, communicating, using diplomacy, empathetic listening, caring and consideration. Any relationship skill is gonna be dealing with those things. We also have to learn to manage relationships. That's challenging. Especially when you're not in a profession that teaches management skills or traits because of the profession. You're gonna have to learn how to do that. Your partner's gonna have to learn to do that as well. You're gonna have to run an organization. You're also gonna learn how to maintain that organization, to maintain those resources, to maintain that relationship to what are those things? You're gonna have to learn these things. And you're also gonna have to learn relationship repair. How do you fix something you neglected that broke? And by the way, maintenance, okay, is something you do before it breaks. Repair is what you do after you fucked up, okay? Do you really know how to give an honest to God apology? To be accountable for what you did. The violations of your own moral code that led you there, the sincerity. Do you know how to do that? These are terribly personal. They are terribly connectivity. And we're forgetting these skills. We don't teach these skills. I think if we touch social skills, the same we do, the STEM courses, science, technology, engineering, mathematics, we'd have a vastly different world, all right? What do we do here? What do we do to curtail fear, intimidation, indifference, ignorance, and inability? Solution is pretty easy. We develop the knowledge, we prepare ourselves, and we practice through experience, okay? The most challenging is how to make a difficult decision. And right now, this is where I'm gonna slow down really quick because the solution is as simple as it is elegant, and it is not mine. The solution is not mine. It is from a mentor of mine, a former speaker here, by the name of Greg Swan. You can find him at self-adoration.com. And I owe him a debt of gratitude. As I do this organization, and Anthony Johnson right there, I would not be in the relationship I am with my fiancee, okay, the Mary Francis. And we say the Mary Francis because not only is she special, but she's, I'm pulling up, there's a bad word, proper. Okay, and that's why I use the, okay, so we always call her the Mary Francis. And I sure as hell would not be in a position today with my fears and insecurities, anxieties that are reasonable. I today could not look into the eyes of my own daughter. That's a hell of a legacy. So the result of that is to choose admirably. Write it down. This is something that will change your life. I don't care what the situation is, choose admirably. When you do, you will be acting courageously and virtuously. That's your takeaway. That's your takeaway today. All right. The last one's this, make art. The mechanics of doing something isn't art. There isn't beauty in the mechanics. I'm an architect. I believe design matters. I think we're enriched by art, okay? You need to make it, you need to own it. And art is when you take a solution and you make it personal and you express that and you own it. Make your relationships, make your marriages, make your commitment, a vehicle for not only self-expression and for coexistence and shared living, but for thriving. Commit to that and you'll have a remarkable life. I'm gonna end with this and it's a fairly simple one. As a society, as we become more complex, are people more complacent and distracted? Value is accrued to those who show up prepared and dedicated to making a difference. When we speak of the 21 convention being a movement, this is what we're talking about. Strengthen your lives, strengthen your relationships, strengthen your marriages, strengthen your family tree. And in doing so, you are gonna strengthen our society and cultures today. Thank you. All right, man, amazing speech, Salk. Who has questions? Hey, I know this is kind of not exactly the entire point of your presentation, but I heard somewhere that moms are actually spending twice as much time with children as they did in the past, but I'm not sure about the accuracy of the article. And I don't, you have to look at it and what they're measuring. And so what do they qualify as time? I've seen a number of people spend time with a child that ignore them, and it's really, really easy to do. I've been in a situation where I've had my daughter and we have an inflatable pool that we put her in. It's no watering, but it allows her to walk around and move much larger area than a playpen. And it's really easy to sit there in front of her and watch TV and get distracted and you're not engaging the child. I'm kind of suspicious of that. And the reason why I'm suspicious of that is I can look at the results. We see more people with co-dependency than we did before. We see more people with alcohol and substance abuse patterns than we did before. We see more people with behavioral disorders than we did before. We see more people who are failing societally than we did before and there's a reason for that. And when you look at all the other research that's out there, sociologists, this isn't mine, but the sociologists of research availability is saying that parental investment in a child dramatically affects the quality of that child's life and the behavioral issues you see in the future or the lack thereof. And so when I see a society that's absolutely endemic of these failures, I've got to sit down and say that the article may not be right or I think it's suspicious. I would really pay attention to what they considered time with the child was a quality. You could provide shit time with the child. Are you really there and invested with the child? That becomes very, very important. Yes, I had a question about what you said with in terms of commitment and the value of it. I guess one could make the argument that due to society's creation of things like child support and other mechanisms of daycare and stuff, that the value of the commitment from a man has been, I guess, diminished somewhat because now you're only going after two thirds of what that commitment brings you. I've actually said the opposite. I've actually said the opposite on a previous talk. I actually showed a graph that previously you were able to get a relationship and commit way sooner than you had access to sex. And right now those poles have switched. It is vastly easier to get sex than it is commitment. Ask any of the ladies watching this whether sex is more available or commitment. To the extent, Australians just released a study I want to say a couple months ago that they almost governmentally shut down. They didn't want to release the information. What they're finding is that grade school women or young girls in elementary school, junior high and high school were more inclined to give blowjobs to potential partners to acquire affection. Can you imagine that world? Okay, and that's the world we're living right now. When blowjobs are more readily available for girls to actually have handholding with the boy they like. And that's what the study was finding out that they were willing to give a blowjob to be able to kiss and make out with the guy. Maybe. And the question was maybe. Often the girls weren't even getting that after the blowjob. That's where we live in. Now, so based on that world, the price of sex has absolutely diminished and it is doing nothing but being driven down. So what does that do to commitment? It goes way higher. The cost of commitment has gone through the rough. The risk involved vastly more deadly to a man. You're less likely to engage in commitment because of those natural risks. And why should you? Okay, it's fraud. Not only for the, because sex is easy, but because the act of committing is so dangerous. It's so unequal, it's so unfair and so unjust. Okay, so that's the world we're living in. And so that becomes a real issue, a tremendous issue. So I thoroughly recommend it. If you really wanna hear a lot more on that, take a look at any of the other speeches I've given because that's primarily a lot of the stuff I talk about. I don't particularly like it because what happens is if you keep looking at that, it leaves a negative, it leaves an impression, that's becomes all what you see. And what you'll end up only seeing when you only look and study this is not the injustice, but you considerably start projecting that. I choose to sit down and say, I wanna be happy, I wanna thrive. And so what I do is I start looking for virtues. I start ignoring that stuff and say, yeah, I live in that world, but I'm gonna start finding the gems. I'm gonna start finding the virtuous people. And so when I talk about living on a diet and nutrition on vanity or a lack of virtuousness, go looking for virtue, start rewarding that virtue with your time, focus on energy. And you'll start to find more and more when you start looking for it because you'll never see it if you don't go looking for it. Okay, so I guess to clarify then, you're saying the value of commitment, when you're talking about that, you mean the value to the woman, not necessarily the value in the logistics. Yeah, the logistics is kind of the mechanics of it. Women should value the commitment. Unfortunately, there's a degree of entitlement because women aren't taught to earn it. There isn't a culture for that. So there's that expectation of it. But ultimately, just because somebody wants something doesn't mean you give it to them. So act like a woman. If a guy keeps saying, hey, I want sex, whose job is it to say no? If she's wanting commitment, whose job is to say no unless she's earned it? Yours. And I can't help you if you let unvirtuous people in your life. And by the way, if you let unvirtuous people in your life, my Tampa talks talked specifically about that. I talked about how to get rid of vampires and monsters out of your life. And there's a mechanism for doing that. There's a process for doing it. And I talk about vampires and there's kind of a cultural low. Watch the video, take a look at that content, but start actually, that's if you let them in. But like vampires, you have to let them in your life. If you don't let them in your life, you're immune to that shit. Get rid of it. And my grandmother used to tell me, stop playing with shit. It's not because she didn't want me playing with shit, but because shit has a natural tendency to stick to whatever touches. So stop touching shit and you won't get dirty. Great talk. My question is that you talk about variety, wanting variety to be this natural combination we have. And also that Nagame is- Is the lack of variety. Partnership, exactly. Is this natural state as well? So my question is, why are these two completely natural things seeming so diametrically opposed to each other? And why would our natural inclination be to drive us away from this state of natural harmony that you talk about? Interesting enough, that's the state of nature. And we'll see it in positive and negative forces. We'll see it in light and dark. There is a spectrum, this duality to nature, of connection and independence, of revelation, of, for example, sharing, and privacy. And so you have to be able to deal with these dialectic tensions. And that, by the way, is part of relationship maintenance. Is a whole series of how do you deal with these dualities and dichotomies, this dichotomization of ideals, the separation of these things that are seemingly opposed as opposed to bringing things together. I'll throw this out. I had a relatively short-world term relationship with this woman who very much understood the idea of variety. And it was kind of alarming, actually. You walk into her bedroom, okay? And it was this awesome bookcase. I thought it initially was gonna be for hats because there are nothing but cubes. It's just a wall of cubes for slotted storage. And inside each one of these was a head mannequin, just a simple mannequin and a wig. And it was just, it was like an art piece. It was a display gallery. Oh, that's really interesting. And part of me was terribly intrigued. And she turns to me in a sexual tone and goes, who do you want me to be? And I'm like, damn. I mean, yo, fuck, yeah. I mean, one woman, multiple personalities or projections or idea, and talk about a way of getting my sense of variety and interest and fascination geared right to her. Had my freaking attention. Problem is I kind of let the cat slip out of the bag there. Who do you want me to be? And there's multiple personalities. It wasn't just for a sense of variety of interest and keeping my attention. This chick was damaged good and had multiple personalities. And when she said, who do you want me to be? It was really who do you want me to be? Not pretend. But you can play with that duality by understanding my hypogamous interest in other women. My sense of need for variety, all those sort of things. And have a solution for it. Women can propose this. There's a number of ways in which to do this. If you understand that and you talk about it, hey, what kind of turns your crank? What are your interests? Variety. And a lot of times it's changing things up. It's not just a variety with a number of different women. It may be context. It may be delivery. It may be content. Very much like I love food or we have interest in food. We may go out to eat at different restaurants. Okay, what's our intimacy levels like? What's the degree of intimacy like? Are we slower? Are we more committed? Or is it a fast bang? Thank you, ma'am. Is it aggressive? Is it playful? You can play with a sense of variety. And by the way, if you get in the habit of doing that, a pattern of behavior doing that, you can be terribly successful. And I don't care. There is no cheating in on this. If you have to write the shit down on a calendar, fucking do it. One of the things that I'll do, and for example, we talk about changing variety up. And it kind of drives my fiance nuts, but it was terribly effective, is I actually tracked her ovulation cycle. Because her mood and men shifted based on her hyperaggressive response, we know women tend to want more aggressive, dominant men during an ovulation cycle. Just after that cycle, they want to be all cuddly and fuzzy. So what do you do? Am I the same guy the whole way? No, because I got to work with this fucking face and body, right? I've got to perform. I got to change. I've got to adapt. I'm not blessed with an inherited body. I've got to work with what I've got, which means I have to respond. And I'm a smart guy. I rationalize this shit. So what do I do? I track her ovulation cycle. I know roughly when it is, and there's some things you can test and question. You don't have to check the trash bag. I mean, you shall generally tell you no, all right? But I amp up the sexuality and the aggressiveness and assertiveness. I don't ask her what we're going to eat, where we're going to go, babe, get your shit, we're going out for Chinese. We're doing this. Come here. You know, and there have been times I've actually just called her over and grabbed her, or just literally clawed her. Man handler. Not necessarily violent, but you just sit down and take that assertive control. You kiss her, you pull her hair. You bite her lip gently. I make her say dirty things to me. Talk dirty to me. All those sort of playful things, all right? After ovulation, guess who's getting the chick flicked? You know, the cookie dough. Cuddle in it. Hey, baby, let's just sit on the couch and cuddle. Plain with intensity, providing that variety. Yes, it's staged. Yes, it's managed. Guess what? Shit fucking works. All right? And that's dealing with our biology, responding to it. But the dialect tensions are very, very real. Very, very real. And it's part of what I write about in my blog, you know, as I go through it, you have to manage these things. And it's very, very appropriate to do so. Through the front brain. Front brain, yeah, because honestly, God, if I had to emotionalize and lose your brain, think this, I'd get it wrong. Absolutely get it wrong. You have to be thinking. You have to understand it. It's like, okay, why is she being bitchy? Why is she's antagonizing? Why is she doing shit to piss me off? And it's little shit. You know, my personal quirk, leaving the goddamn cabinet door open after you get something. What the fuck, really? I mean, you do this? I can react to that. And after a while, I realize, oh yeah, she's starting to ovulate. So what do I do? Babe, what the fuck you doing? Get your ass over here, shut that, and drop the panties, okay? Dominant. This isn't controllable. Dominant. I'm not gonna say, hey babe, can you please and beat supplicating about it? No, I'm gonna take control of it, make it sexual, I'm gonna own it, and guess who's getting railed in the kitchen counter that way? Now the problem is, is that it becomes reward mechanism. Next thing you know, she's ovulating it. Every fucking cabinet door is open. It's kind of like, okay, now we got, all right, how about we work on a signal, you know, or something else? So, you know, like kind of like a safe word. Hey, hey, how about a provocation word? You know, is there a code in which you could create to sit down and let me know, hey, I know you're kind of interested without you having to say, hey babe, I'm kind of, because a lot of women don't have that self confidence, especially in introvert. Virtuous women have not done a tremendous of work. They haven't done a lot of self development on sexual basis. Okay, how unfair is that? Okay, that virtuous woman only have a certain amount of time to spend on sexual development, as opposed to un-virtuous women who fucking do nothing but spend time on their sexuality. Who do you think's gonna get your attention? So, you have to train yourself also to spot overt science, to spot calls and invitations for behavioral patterns. Okay, and sexual expressions, one of them, particularly with virtuous people. So, if you're gonna do that, you have to look for it and you have to reward that effort. You have to coax it out. We talked about teasing things out. Mike did a great job with me last night. I fucking completely shut down on some videos we were doing and I could not think because I was in limbic thinking and I knew it. I knew to take a breath. I couldn't get out of it and he calmly talked me through the process. He eked it out. He saw it and he acknowledged it and eked it out. And guess what? I performed, okay? You have to do the same thing in the people in your lives. Back to the training, the limbic portion of the brain into trauma, even if it's like minor fears or whatever. And I don't know if you're here for Ryan Black's talk. Yes, I was. So over a month or even, he said like a one day boot camp, like getting rid of fears. Like, how about let's address that limbic thinking and that trauma. The trauma doesn't have to be chronic to influence change, okay? It just happens once. He gave an example of that. You know where he was rejected sexually, he was rejected emotionally, he was rejected as an individual and as a man once and it changed his life. That happens for both men and women, okay? And that had then behavioral consequences because it affected not only your lizard brain, but your mammal brain became so defensive that the two worked in conjunction. And by the way, they turn off the neural snaps, the connectivity, you know, the pathways to the neocortex, the big brain, that the rational part doesn't think anymore. Okay, so what you have to do is coax that back out. You have to retrain yourself. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to express these things. I can be accepted. And that's part of the training that they do. And so what happens is when I sat down and said, you know, when you're young and you kind of get damaged, there isn't a change, it's very difficult to come back and to correct a mistake and an accident and clean up a mess. And essentially, that's what these guys are doing. That's essentially what happens with there's a lot of this industry now is no longer about picking up and scoring women in the line. It really, at a very human level, is picking up the broken pieces and putting people back together so we can integrate naturally and appropriately as mantles the way we should. And that's part of it. That was absolutely part of what he was talking about. And a stellar example, thank you. I mean, it was absolutely, and follow up a place. So yeah, in afternoon, you could reach, is that where the retraining happens in a little bit, limbic? Yeah, you have to retrain it. Either you have to develop new patterns of thinking and behaving or fix the ones that have gotten damaged. And the problem is that a lot of people go to therapy. Okay, and I do recommend it. If you're hurt, if you're injured, okay? Go see a medical specialist. You know, if I got cut, everybody would say, hey, you need to go see a doctor. Or if I got violently ill, go see a doctor. But what happens when it's social? What happens when it's mental? Oh no, don't get specialized help. I think that's fucking crazy. The problem though is therapy doesn't fix the problem. Therapy reveals the state of the injury, okay? Damn, you got hurt. The work happens after therapy, okay? The work happens when you actually work beyond that. When you have to go to behavioral modifications, when you have to work at it, and have to relearn things and have new experiences. The problem is you're gonna expose yourselves to the same risks you did before that created the injury. So for example, when I was younger, I was playing on swing and I fell off and I twisted my arm and I got hurt, okay? To sit down and say I'm gonna recover from that, I'm gonna have to get on a swing or a bicycle, whatever I fell off of a horse in many examples. Okay, you're gonna have to get back up in the saddle. Okay, and risk the same type of injuries to learn and adapt until you have confidence to be able to sit down and say, hey, I can weather this, I have experience. This isn't my only sense of reality. But again, keep in mind, these are biomechanical responses. These are not rational responses. And when you have these fears, it's not just these fears, it's Rick Flair going, woo! You know, you are fucking panicked. I mean, you are really fucking spooked. You know, I can't imagine how hard it is to get beyond that if you really have had that impact. It's terribly personal. It's terribly difficult. And that unfortunate challenge is, it's gonna be yours, but the rewards are also yours as well. Okay, and I can empathize, but I may not be able to understand it completely. You know, I've, trust me, I've got my own issues, I really do. But being able to work through those things, it has to be done if you're gonna improve. It's exercise and analysis, developing the strength. You know, and you're acting virtuously. You're acting admirably with tremendous courage when you do. Doc, we just have a few minutes, two minutes left. You guys don't wanna eat lunch. Final question. So, final question. In your talk, you mentioned the risks of commitment and the dangers that ferment, specifically. Yeah. Commitment, relationships, marriage, I think you briefly touched on. Yep. Can you speak perhaps to private marriage and that concept and your familiarity with it or thoughts on it? Yeah, I can do a certain degree. I know that marriage is a construct, a social construct. A government's gotten involved dramatically. It's provided an arbiter for any of incentives, penalties, obligations, expectations, and obligations you can be put in jail for. Obligations you can be fine and a whole series of things. The question then is, is how do you make the best decisions for yourself considering that environment? Personally, I don't think government should be involved in marriage, okay? It wasn't a government construct. It was more or less a religious one. And to be all fairness, it actually even predates that. That was a cultural warehouse in which this really become a fertile idea as far as human experimentation goes. I think it should still be a religious one or it should be a social construct, a cultural one, devoid of government. And one of the solutions is private marriage. I don't know a tremendous amount. That's kind of the big figure on that. The fact that most people don't even know it's a viable option is something you really need to look at. So just don't follow into something because culture tells you to, because government tells you to. And the problem with any advice, okay, is if you take it, it's yours. Whether the advice is good, bad, or indifferent, you own it and you have to be responsible for it. So there are tremendous risks. I've talked about it a lot of other guys and many, many people better than I am. Much more well versed, talked about marriage and the risk involved. If you are in that situation, definitely do your research, think about it, talk about it, share it with your partner, share it with your surrounding family. One of the examples is I talked about, my future analysis is literally saying, okay, I'm old fashioned, how big is the dowry? And sit down and say what's your investment in the marriage? Not just in a monetary way, but what are you willing to stand by? And if you're willing to stand by it, are you willing to co-sign a loan to the house, a car, and you'll hear parents willing to do that? Will you co-sign marriage insurance? That's a possibility. I haven't heard of it really happening, but you know, and the issue wasn't so much the answer, it was what was the response to it? Were they fully invested in that marriage? Are they gonna defend and protect that marriage? Or are they gonna back her up and sit down and say, babe, get that, grab the kids, take the house and kick his ass out? Guess what? When you marry into a family, you're marrying into a family, you get all that. You wanna make sure your partner has a culture and a backdrop that will support you and that marriage. If you do not, you are assuming that risk and liability and that risk and liability is yours when you do. So be very, very careful. All right, let's give it up for Saad. Stay excited. Hey guys, really thank you for watching the end of this video and sticking with me. I know it was a lot of content and it was a hell of a ride. Please click on the link below and join me at a live event. I really would love to take the opportunity to have a personal discussion and carry on a conversation with you regarding these ideas in your personal life and how it can impact you and the quality of your life. Please join me below and I look forward to seeing you.