 right now? Oh, afterwards? Be like, did you enjoy the day? Okay. How much time do you have before you start right now? I have no idea. Yeah, about four minutes. Oh, hey, I didn't see you there. Welcome in. I'm glad you could join us this Thursday morning, as you may be sitting by the fire, listening to the radio, or somewhere holed up in Shields Library right now, studying for finals because that's coming up. Either way, I'm glad you could join us. Here at KDRT's Radio Theater Drama Play put on by the great film students at UC Davis. First up, we have Radio Kill the Video Star. Are you guys ready? Well, with the first performance of the day, here is Radio Kill the Video Star. Hello, gentle listeners, and welcome, welcome, one and all to part nine of our ongoing Tella Noella, the 12 days of Christmas of our lives, brought to you this week by Roger's Closet. Roger's Closet, room for your clothing, room for your holiday gifts, room for your secret shame. When last we left our players, jolly old St. Nick was about to stuff some stockings by the crackling fireplace. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hold it. Keep your voice down. What? It's not like your wife is here. Come on, Santa, we've been doing this for three years. If she hasn't figured it out yet, I don't think she ever will. She will if you keep leaving your mistletoe panties by the fireplace. I thought you were supposed to be off helping Frosty with his chronic climate change induced fever, and I thought you were supposed to be jolly. She is, and I am. Santa Claus is the very definition of jolliness. Sure, but how did you get that job? Why, I worked my butt off at UC Davis for a degree in managerial economics and leveraged an aggressive capital investment to become Santa Claus. Now then, tell me how your father, the head of the largest toy company in America, agreed to buy you half of the South Pole? That was a business decision we made together. The South Pole is going to be the next vacation hotspot once climate change turns the equator into a desert just you wait. And what about that part where you basically enslaved the native South Polians and made them pretend to be elves? We did nothing of the sort. They needed jobs anyway. Their economy was in the toilet. Plus, we had a lot of leftover elf costumes after we shifted the North Pole location into an app-based independent contractor model. Sure. Oh, you may think I'm a tycoon, but deep down you love me. Come on, let me hear you say it. Say what? Oh, you know. Those special words? Have I been naughty, or have I been nice? Oh, I think you may be on my naughty list. Is there any way you can turn me on? Oh. Maybe by jingling some bells? Why, you sexy little. Shoot, I forgot she's coming home early today to help me prep for Christmas. Quick, get out of the closet. How'd you forget that? I have millions of kids to deliver presents to. Give me a break. Oh, honey. There you are. Looking as beautiful and plump as a sugar plum. How are you? Who are you just talking to? I'm talking? I wasn't talking. No one was talking. I could swear. I heard talking coming from the bedroom. I was just muttering to myself about how stressful this season is. Oh, that's just what I wanted to talk to you about. Yes, so it seems that you were right about the children of America. They're joking about when they always said they wanted fidget spinners. I see. Well, it should be fine. We have an extra supply of coal to give them thanks to all the anti-environmental politicians making fossil fuels a part of the culture war. Also, Rudolph has worms again. You'll have to tape a flashlight to Dancer's atlas and give him the lead this year. You've got to be kidding me. Of all the days. That's not all. The Elfstrike is getting even more intense. They started to unionize and their demands are getting way more outrageous. Like what? They want a mandatory lunch break and a minimum wage of at least $15. What are they going to spend it on? We're the only thing around for hundreds of miles. Well, keep lowering their cookie rations and we'll break them eventually. This is all because of those Karl Marx fan letters you accidentally got sent here. How could you even let that happen? I think it's the beard. People get us confused all the time. Anyway, I've got a lot of work to catch up on, so if you'd like to get back to... What was that? I didn't hear anything. Is there someone in the closet? What? It's a closet. Why are you acting weird? I'm not acting weird. You're acting weird. You're the weird one. Who's in the closet? This is Olive. No, I'm not by a computer at this moment. Yes, my auto insurance is up to date. I'm a bit busy right now. I'll call you back later. Thank you. Who the hell's in there? Santa! I can explain. Now let's all calm down now. Take a deep breath. Santa, how could you? Honey, she means nothing to me. She's just some cheap floozy. Santa, what the hell? No, no, no, baby. You're the only one for me. I promise. I'll leave my wife. Just as soon as... Christopher Kringle! Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. It looks like old St. Nick is really in a pickle here. It sure does, Santa. This telenovela has been brought to you by Roger's Closet. Roger's Closet. American-made closets, built by Rogers, and only Rogers, imported from all over the world and worked all year round. We've been keeping the things you're ashamed of hidden for just about as long as closets have been around. When your wife gets home, and you're not alone, just throw your mistress into Roger's Closet. I knew I should have bought from Roger's Closet. So this is how it is. You throw away 30 years of marriage and for what? A quickie with some cheap hussy you found at... Wait. How did you two meet? We're the only two people in the whole North Pole. She's exactly a fan of mine. She journeyed all the way here from America's best modeling agency just to see me. I was so excited to meet him. I've read all about Santa, and I couldn't wait to see the man behind the beard. What modeling agency? The Snow Bunny modeling agency, I think. She says they only accept America's top talent. What part of America do you live in? Tramp? Houston. Houston, New York. It's very close to California. And what have you been doing exactly with your free time when you're not roasting chestnuts with my husband? Taxes. What's her name again? Olive. Olive her clothes off. I think it's Jewish, but I don't mind. It's actually a bit of a turn on. Hannah, come on. This woman is obviously a fake, and I don't know what she wants from you, but I don't care less at this point. You detestable pig. Honey, please try to understand. I was so lonely and... Lonely? I've tried getting closer to you, but all you care about is the toy factory. Don't like hell. Being married to you is like an igloo with no door. Frigid, hard and pointless. You know what? Yeah, I am leaving you. Shut up, Santa. You're not going anywhere. What? Why, you're not a woman. You're three elves in a trench coat. So not only did you cheat on me, but you did it with three people at the same time. You know what I say to each one of you? Ho, ho, and ho. Put your hands in the air. I've been drinking eggnog since breakfast, so this gun isn't the only thing here that's fully loaded. Olive, what's going on? You really are stupid as everyone thought. I am not your mistress. We are the members of the Elven Liberation Front, a revolutionary militia that was formed to take down Santa no matter the cost. Why would you want to take me down? I've been nothing but generous to you. You enslaved our whole people. I gave you jobs. I'm a job creator. You dumped a hundred truckloads of last season's glow-in-the-dark fidget spinners into our lake. All the fish went bland. I took a boring old lake and I made it fun. You've been grinding up sugar plum fairies and snorting them in rails fatter than an Adidas shoelace because you can't get it up any other way. You did what? Okay, yes, that one is pretty bad. But at least I don't own an island where I hunt down make-a-wish kids for sport like Jeff Bezos. I can't wait to see the look on your face when we drag you into the gingerbread guillotine. Chris, do something! Oh, you get to the wall, too, Mrs. Claus. No sympathy for sympathizers. Olive, you can't want this. Think of the night we shared our first tender kiss under the mistletoe. That wasn't me, you idiot. You kissed Fred, the other elf. Allaw. But all of our passionate nights. Actually, I've been wondering, how did you manage to get busy with three elves and not even notice? Because your husband is too proud to wear his glasses and has no concept of foreplay. Oh, Chris, how could you? Playing innocent in this hour of need will not help you, Mrs. Claus. See, we've been following you as well. Say what now? Yes, it seems that Mrs. Claus was having her own little rendezvous as well. We hear the Grinch is quite the cunning linguist. Taking French classes without me? But that was going to be our thing. That's not what any of that meant. And with the Grinch, my old business partner who treated me out of millions, how dare you? Where did you even meet him? We met after that situation in Whoville, and let me tell you, his heart wasn't the only thing that grew three seizes that day. You disgust me. Oh, it says the man who cheated on me with three elves and a Trenish coat, two of which are men. Shut up, Fred. All of y'all, shut up and get your butts against the wall. What are you planning to do? I'm thinking we're going to eat you. Eat us? Why? Don't ask me. Ask half the elf colony starving off of your cookie rations. Chris, do something. You can't just let this happen. Don't do this, Olive. I know you somewhat. You're a good woman. You have a heart of gold. That's why I fell in love with you. Why are you lulling your gun, Olive? I thought you were going to shoot him in the head, skin him, turn his meat in a jerky, and boil his bones for soup. Good heavens. I don't know. I can't shoot him because... because I love him. Even though he poisoned the water and inadvertently killed my grandmother, I can't help it. I love you, Santa Claus. I love you too, baby. Give me a hug. Would this be a bad time to tell you guys that I'm pregnant? What? Never mind. You're dead to me. Oh, what a lovely Christmas story. Join us next week to hear the tale of Ebenezer Scrooge and his wild Christmas filled with greed, lust, and eternal hellfire. And remember to buy your closet installation from Roger's closet and avoid a nasty encounter with your mistress. Stay warm and... I'm still alive. Help me. Oh, ho, ho. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Wow. Radio killed the video star, really. Wow, that had everything from anti-capitalism to drama and affairs. Jeff Bezos. Breonna, hi. How did you guys come up with this? And what was your process? We were like, we need to have a mistress in this. We need to have a closet. And it's Christmas theme, so why not take the innocent story of Christmas and add lust, greed, and murder to it? Nice. Shout out to Delaney Hauser and Elise Kristinong for always supporting me. I love you guys. You're the real heroes. Thank you, Radio killed the video star. Honestly though, if my Amazon account gets suspended for that Jeff Bezos crack, I'm going to be a little upset. I'm a crime member. Dang it. And I expect my expedient shipping. Anyway, I know some of you are probably wondering out there. Jonah, where are you hosting? What happened to Jordan? Well, contract negotiations fell through. He asked for a little too much money, so we ant-viped him like this, the Fresh Prince of LR. So, guys, I, I am just so excited for this next group. They have worked really, really hard. And, like, it's these productions. I'd hope you guys know that all of them that you have listened to, maybe seen on YouTube, you can look us up on YouTube by the way, get those views up, all those likes, link, comment, and subscribe down below. Anyway, we, we've all worked so hard. We've been practicing day and night to bring great radio drama. I mean, do you think someone just comes up with Chris Kringle's affair in an hour? No. That was hard work. And also, like, all the talented folks that play instruments around here. I didn't realize that. I can't play an instrument to save my life. I played the, I tried to play the recorder in the third grade. I got through Mary Had a Little Lamb, barely. The Gina was my highlight signature moment of those, of course, but that's about all I had. So we have just a whole production team. And if you know what, we should really give it up to the people behind the cameras too. We should all get, they should all get their due. We have directors. This is a full scale thing. So, oh my goodness. Are you guys, I've seen some signals. Is everybody ready? Yeah. Yeah. Well, without further ado, we have our second group of the day, the finale of our radio theater dramas from this wonderful class. We have Ryebred and the Bakery Bunch. Hello. Ryebred and the Bakery Bunch are back once more. How was everyone's Thanksgiving break? Yeah, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. It was fine. You know, I ended up going home for about six days and I ended up with a pretty sweet deal on Black Friday with a camera. It was pretty cool. Yeah, I just stayed up here and had the house almost all to myself and just had some time to work on some homework and whatnot. Had a good break, but a friend of mine had it pretty bad this year. Yeah, what happened? He actually lives in his own apartment in Pittsburgh and he invited his family over for the first time. Well, that doesn't sound too bad. I did the same thing last year and everything went fine for me. Well, I'm sure your family isn't nearly as crazy as he is. Even though I wasn't there, it's like I can imagine then night right now. Okay, another dash there. A couple of sprinkles here. Let's place those down there. Not the fine china. And I'll set the timer. I think that's everything. The table set, the yams are resting, the cranberry juice is on ice, and the turkey should be out of the oven real soon. If the ride from the airport should take about 22 minutes and assuming it's going to take an extra minute to load dad's golf clubs into the trunk, I should have enough time to... They couldn't be here this early. They aren't. Oh, hey Mark. I thought postal workers had the day off on Thanksgiving. We do. I'm just making a personal delivery for your aunt Angela. She is coming over tonight, isn't she? Yeah, she'll probably be late as usual. Last year she showed up with her specialty, Pinot Pie, which is literally just an aluminum pie plate filled with wine. Wait, you know Angela? I guess you could say that. I just know she needs this as soon as possible and who better to deliver than the number four letter carrier in Pittsburgh six years running? Uh, any of the top three. Touche. Anyways, please make sure your aunt gets that envelope. Happy Thanksgiving! What would Mark possibly need to give on Angela? And on Thanksgiving day, maybe she shipped some Xanax ahead of time. Who could that be? On Angela, I really wasn't expecting you so... Todd, oh my gosh, it's so nice to see you. Give your aunt to a big O-hug. You've grown so much since I last saw you. Well, I'm 26 and we saw each other last year. Really? On New Year's Eve. Gee, I'm not sure what it could be anyways. I'm here early because I figured you might need help setting up before your pants get here. Oh, and I brought dessert. Oh boy, another... cranberry pie. Well, it's actually fresh cranberry tort. It took me six hours to make and half of that was just picking the berries off from the bush. Wow, you started gardening too. You really outdid yourself this year. Just trying to bring some holiday cheer, I suppose. Ha ha! Yeah, well, most things are pretty much done, so if you want to just relax in the living room... I'll get it. No, please, you really don't have to. No, don't be silly. You go run along and help those tatas. If you say so. Laszlo, Helen, so great to see you both. Oh, for Pete's sake. Six hours in coach and now I got to spend the day with Mrs. Jack Daniels herself. No, Laszlo, you be nice. Hi, Angela, it's good to see you too. I love what you've done with your... well, everything, frankly. You look so radiant. Right back at you, honey. And look at you, bigger brother, like an awfully trim these days. Helen, are you feeding him enough? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? You've practically spent the last 12 years counting the wrinkles in my love handles. So what's the hustle, sis? Now, come on, dear, she's obviously trying to turn a new leaf. Isn't that right, Angie? Absolutely. I've been trying to get my life back on track lately. And I figured what better way than holidays surrounded by loved ones? Yeah, well, as long as your tractors interfere with my dinner plate, we're fine. Mom, Dad, is that you? Hello, dear. And look, God, your father's being temperamental again. I am not. I'm just hungry, exhausted, achy, breaky, sweaty, and jonesing for a cold one. You have some stocked up, right, son? Good to see you too, Dad. And yeah, I think I have a few. I'm guessing you'll have your usual six pack right on, Angela. Actually, I think I'll just have a tall glass of lemon cucumber water if you have some. Uh, you know, I'm fresh out of lemon and cucumber. Well then, it's a good thing I brought my own. Mm-hmm. Well, I'll be right back. So, Angela, how's your job? You sell macaroni necklaces by the pier, right? I used to, but I've since become a certified yoga instructor. I just love to teach people how to stretch and bend their muscles. The only thing you know how to bend is the truth. Isn't this something I've been trying to get into yoga? Maybe you could teach me a thing or two. I'd really love that. Maybe you could join us, Lassie. You know, maybe I could also not show up at all. Probably just some scheme of yours. And I'm not buying it. Um, dinner is ready if everyone would like to sit down at the table. I made the ams, green bean casserole, cranberry salad, mashed potatoes, and even made the rolls from scratch. Honestly, honey, you didn't have to cook all this food for us. You know, under right over, I thought I saw a cute little Ethiopian restaurant open a few blocks from here. Mom, please. I just want to have the Thanksgiving dinner I always dreamt of. Is that so much to ask for? When you come from this family, yes. Besides, what's so great about your little picture of perfect side dishes anyway? Oh, come on now, Lassie. Maybe the kid has a point. I feel I'm excited to dine in your bountiful feast. Excited to dine in your bountiful feast. Who may do the painter insane of the stuffing? Please, stop fighting. Look, I'm going to go grab the turkey. Then can we all just eat peacefully? Absolutely, sweetie. Isn't that right, Lassie? Yeah, yeah. Stop calling me Lassie. Fair enough. I'll come help you grab the food, Todd. Hi. Did you notice anything strange about your sister? Besides the fact that she hasn't belched we are the champions in C Major yet? No, nothing no. I don't know. Something seems especially awful about her. I just can't figure it out. Well, the turkey may be a bit on the crispy side, but it should still car fine. So, who wants a wing? I'm not thinking, dear. I think I'll try one of these delicious looking rolls. Cooked, sweetie. You know, I've never had mashed potatoes with bones in them before, but I'm always open to explore new possibilities. Well, son, this is great. We fly all the way out here for one decent meal a year, and now we're stuck with Oscar the Grouch's leftovers. It's not my fault. You're a miserable grump who cares more about his stomach than his own family. For goodness sakes, can everybody get a grip? I only get to see you all a couple of times a year, and can we all just sit down and enjoy each other's company for once? I'm terribly sorry, Helen, here. Why don't I clean up a bit and then we can... Oh, my envelope! I hope it was gonna be here. Yeah, my mailman dropped it off for you earlier. I'm not sure why I'd do that today, though. Oh, I've got a pretty good idea. Oh, my God. It's a girl! What's a girl? My baby. You're what? What? Yup, and the baby daddy should be here any minute to celebrate. It's open. Mark, what are you doing here? Just here to see how my little pumpkin muffin is doing. I'm doing fine, and so is she. A girl, yes! I'm gonna have a daughter. I'm gonna teach her how to sort packages, how to organize junk mail, how to... Wait, this cannot be happening. My mailman and my aunt. Don't you mean your mailman and my sister? So, who wants a piopian of food? That was Rye bread in the bakery bunch with quite the Thanksgiving dinner. Wow, never trust a mailman. Something that we've all learned today. Also, macaroni by the beach. Sounds... Making macaroni necklaces by the beach actually sounds like a dream of mine. You can catch me doing that after I graduate this year. It sounds really relaxing. So, guys, that was excellent. Good job. That cooking actually reminded me a lot of my cooking. By the way, if you ever see me around, if you ever encounter me on the streets of Davis, please teach me how to cook. If you can, because my mac and cheese would probably have a bone in it, if anything. It wouldn't make any sense. There's nothing good about my cooking. So, yes, please, please help me out. You know what? We have a guest in studio. We dragged him back in. Here he is. It's Jordan. Come on through. Yeah, come on. Hi there. Jordan, can you cook? You know, I actually do like to cook. You can. Yeah. Okay. What's your specialty? My specialty is a grilled cheese. Here's what I do. Yeah. Get some nice sourdough bread, right? Yes. You butter both the outside slices, you know, just get the outside nice and buttery. Okay. So, I'm going to get some olive oil and cheese. Mmm. Some pesto. Pesto? Some brownies and tomatoes. The whole shebang. It's pretty good. But, you know, we'll talk about that off camera. Okay. That's excellent. Because my specialty is a DiGiorno. Yeah, got to cook until the cheese is burnt. That's the secret. Anyway, listen, I'm glad you could all join us. This has been excellent. We're actually throwing you back over to the radio station, back to KDRT. Catch you next time. Happy holidays. Happy holidays, everyone.