 This looks normal. This doesn't. I became an amputee about a month and a half ago and I'd love to tell you a story of how that actually came to be but it is 14 years in the making. Let's start at the beginning. Also before I begin let me know that there are pet rats running around in this room so if you see them in the background don't worry my house is non-infested. I loved horses from the time that I could remember. I was your classic stereotypical girl who just wanted a pony for her birthday. Now I was able to start horseback riding at a local barn when I was 12. This is Bridget everybody. She may be joining us for the rest of the video and trying to steal my earrings. I told you before Bridget you can't do that. When I was 13 I got to go on a trail ride in this big open field. I'd always dreamed of doing this and we took our horses me with two of my friends galloping and it was the honestly probably the most amazing moment of my young 13 years on planet earth until Georgia the horse I was riding tripped. I fell over her right shoulder and landed on my neck. There's no reason that I should have shattered my ankle but when I came to because I'm pretty sure it locked out for a moment that is what happened. My ankle was immediately swollen and black and blue and long story short I ended up at the hospital. They told me that it was a very unique break. My tibia had broken in half and been shoved up an inch into my leg. Doctors thought it was a really cool break because they had never seen it before and it's never a good thing when doctors are like hey come see this x-ray we've never seen this before and I had to wait a few days to have surgery because my ankle was too swollen. They did it no big deal it should have been done but two months later got an x-ray found out that I was healing wrong. I had to break my ankle again. I've always been a really active person. I participated in martial arts and swimming and hiking and all different kinds of things but just lived in pain all the time and was taking painkillers all the time and couldn't stand it and this last year it got to a point where I couldn't even walk and that's not a life that I want to lead in pain all the time. Now I was always told that when there was too much pain in my ankle from the fusion we would replace it and that you know if we had to replace it we might have to replace it again and that someday way down the road I might have to have an amputation. I'd like an age you know 70 and age 70 became age 27 this year because when I actually looked into the reality of what an ankle replacement looked like and when I actually got doctor's opinions on it it turned out that is not a good idea for me. I'd still be living in pain. I have very limited mobility. The failure rate for ankle replacements is really high. I'd probably have to continue having surgeries and I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to live life, embrace life, stop living from surgery to surgery and from more pain medication and more pain medication and so I made the decision a couple months ago that we were going to go ahead and amputate because it was gonna have to happen in a couple years anyways whether or not we did the replacement first and I didn't want to have to keep having surgeries and living in pain until that point anyways. I'm young, I'm otherwise healthy, I'm light. There are good conditions for an amputation to work and so I decided to go ahead with it and it is the weirdest thing. I can't express to you how weird it is to make a decision to chop your leg off. I am grateful that I've never had to wake up out of like a traumatic situation and be missing a limb which is the situation for many people. Having to make the call that I am going to walk into a hospital, go under and wake up without a limb is bizarre. It's just weird guys but I decided that that was the best thing. I eventually had my family's support though it was hard for them and on October 11th I walked into UC Health in Denver and got into that hospital bed and put on a hospital gown and waited for the anesthesiologists to come in and give me the good drugs and my little rat is eating my books. What are you stealing? Okay rats are thieves. If you didn't know they take glee in taking everything they can from you. This is just this is one more thing in the line of many thefts. We're gonna have to have a conversation Bridget. Bridget. Sorry about that brief but adorable interruption guys. As I was saying I waited for the anesthesiologists. I kissed my husband goodbye. I hugged my mom and then I kind of laid there in a semi-panic shock. I don't know what are you supposed to feel when you're going into surgery to have your leg amputated. I didn't cry. I kind of expected to and the thing that I was scared of was waking up from that surgery and being like gripped by regret immediately thinking like holy hell what have I done? Like why did I do this? Why couldn't I have just continued to live in pain for the sake of having a leg? I'm gonna look different for the rest of my life. I'm 27 and I had my leg amputated like why did this happen? I thought that that might be what I thought when I woke up and it wasn't and I'm so grateful that it wasn't. I woke up and the nerve block didn't work. If you don't know what that is they like kill all the nerves in your leg basically before surgery like this and so I woke up feeling everything. I was crying and screaming in pain and so they called my husband in to hold my hand as they got pain under control but I remember thinking even then I am so glad I did this because I can finally work towards something like there's a light at the end of the tunnel instead of just working towards like more and more and more surgeries and even though this is complicated even though this is hard even though this is really painful there's hope like I might be able to run again someday I can maybe walk my dogs again I can go around the block with people you know so there's hope again and that's super exciting and thrilling and amazing and keeps me going when things are painful and when phantom pain is bizarre and when people stare and it's odd and in all the weird parts I still have never had a moment of regret this was never what I would have chosen for my life you know in a perfect world but we don't live in a perfect world and so it's been a it's been an interesting journey and I am definitely on board for the ride so for everyone who asks that is the extended story of how I lost my leg and before you ask yes I do ride horses still I can't do it often well I'm not doing it all currently as I'm recovering from amputation but when I figure out how to ride a horse without a leg you bet I will I love horses I just think they're the most incredible beautiful creatures on planet earth and it was not the horses fault that I fell off of her she tripped I trip all the time like it happens so I do still ride whenever I get the chance I love it that is it for me today guys thanks for watching I'll see you in the next video oh my god my ratchet fell she's fine I'll see you guys soon bye see you guys she's in one piece