 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah. These company makers of parquet margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. Craft brings you the Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore, music by Claude Swaton. Here from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. When you ladies finish baking those light, fluffy biscuits and those crust brown dinner rolls the whole family loves, here's how to serve them in grand style. While they're still fresh and piping hot, pop them open and spread with delicious parquet margarine. Man, oh man, what flavor. Yes, parquet's fresh, delicate flavor adds a crowning touch that's sure to make any baking treat downright delicious eating. Parquet is a favorite spread for bread, hot toast and rolls, for pancakes and waffles, too, and millions of American homes. And it's a fine energy food, too, that's the best you can serve. What's more, craft fortifies parquet so that every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So for delicious, satisfying flavor and for good nutrition, too, serve parquet as often as you can. Tomorrow, ask your dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Yes, craft makes parquet. It's three weeks since his dismissal as Summerfield's water commissioner. The development of his friend, Pivro McGee's plastic mousetrap has been stymied temporarily for lack of catapult, and Gilder Sleeves affairs appear to be at a standstill. However, he still likes to eat as we see now, joining him at breakfast with his family. Pass the syrup, will you please, my boy? Here, more hotcakes, Miss Gilles, please. Yeah, but not too many birdies. Say, three or four, huh? How about you, Marjorie? No thanks. I think you and Lee Roy are disgusting. Disgusting? We're just healthy, my dear. Well, I'll take one more batch and that'll have to hold you. All right, Brittany. Oh, Mr. Gilles Sleeves, I wonder could you give me some money for the grocery bill? The man asked for it yesterday, but you was out. What does he want money now for? Tell him I'll pay him the bill in the usual way. I told him that, but he wants it now. Why? Why in the name of why? Well, I'll tell you how it was, Mr. Gilles Sleeves. The man came in yesterday afternoon and he says to me, hi, he says, is the boss home? No, he ain't, I says. And he says, well, when he gets home you ask him for this 1843, this due on the groceries, he says. Yes, Brittany. So I says to him, how come I says? And he says, Mr. Gilles Sleeves ain't working now, he says. And I can't afford to take no chances, he says. Chances, I said. Look here, man, you ain't taking no chances on Mr. Gilles Sleeves, I says. Why, he ain't paid me my salary for two weeks, I says. And I ain't one bit worried. Oh, my goodness. I sure told him dinner, Mr. Gilles. You sure told him, buddy. But he still wants his money. Well, I'm sorry about your salary, Bernie. It's strictly an oversight. Here. Oh. Little short. Well, here's one week anyway, Bernie. Oh, thank you, sir. If that's one of your friends, Leroy, have him wait outside and we finish breakfast. I won't have him watching every fourth full I put in my mouth. Oh, it might be piggy. I'll go see it. Darn kids, why don't they stay home? Maybe it's the grocery man. If it is, he can go right back and who is it, Leroy? This is her card. Oh, Miss Gladys Wheeler. Real estate. What does she want? How should I know? Well, ask her to come in. Okay. Isn't Leroy horrible? No, he's not. Well, he's growing up anyway. Come in, Miss Wheeler. Come in. Sit down. Have some hotcakes. Have some coffee. Oh, no, thank you, Mr. Gilles. I'm an awful pest interrupting your breakfast. I'd be glad to wait outside until you're through. Now, sit down. This is my niece, Marjorie. How do you do? How do you do? And my nephew, Leroy. How do you do, Leroy? Say, how do you do, Leroy? Okay, how do you do? Gosh, I'll let her in. Great kid. What can I do for you, Miss Wheeler? Well, Mr. Gildersleeve, I wonder if you've ever considered selling your house. Selling my house? No, I never had. I don't think I'd be interested. I must say, such a lovely home. Still, I have a client who's authorized me to offer you $12,000 for it. $12,000? Leroy. But Uncle Morton only cost $7,000. You children, leave the room, please. Miss Wheeler and I are talking business. And you don't know anything about it. I know the house cost $7,000 originally, Mr. Gildersleeve. Still, my client is willing to pay $12,000. Uh, cash? Cash. Grab an uncle. Leroy. Miss Wheeler, I wonder if you'd like to see the rest of our house. The dining room is no place to discuss business. I guess you've seen everything in our humble abode. Oh, it's all so nice and homey. Oh, yes, but I've been thinking of making a change. Man ought to move once in a while. Then you'll be dropping in at my office this afternoon to sign the contract. Oh, yes, I'll be there. Honestly, Mr. Gildersleeve, it's a pleasure for the man who knows his own mind. Ha, ha, ha. Well, I've always like to make decisions quickly. Bingo, that's me. I'll bet you're a wonderful executive. Oh, you think so? Well, most men would have to consult their wives. Haven't got one. Mm-hmm. No, sir. Put loose and fancy-free, full of beans, and will I make my own decisions? Well, at least most men would have to consult lawyers and goodness knows who. Why should I pay my lawyer a fee on such a simple deal as this? The old goat, he'll be surprised. Mr. Gildersleeve, as I said before, it's a pleasure to do business with you. Well, it's the same to you, Miss Wheeler. Say, did you ever like to... Do I like to what? Let it go. I'll be in your office this afternoon. Oh, that's fine. Thanks, Miss Gildersleeve. Oh, thank you. Goodbye, Miss Wheeler. Goodbye. Yeah. Bye, George. She's so cute, it's a shame to take advantage of her. Still, it's not her money. What's that? Agree to sell it, my boy. I'll sign the papers this afternoon. Leeroy! Leeroy! Leeroy! Subside, please, Leeroy. Of course, you understand your children will have to give your consent. I'm only the trustee. Well, I'll okay the deal. The house, buddy, we're going to move, isn't that swell? My, my. Are you really going to sell it? If you approve, my dear, the house really belongs to you and Leeroy. Oh, sell it. Sell it and buy a new one. I know just the house. Well, maybe we ought to talk about it a little. I hope you realize your uncle is making a pretty smart deal. Oh, sure. You know, I ought to go into the real estate business myself. It's a lot easier than I thought. Yeah, all you do is you buy a house for $7,000 and sell it for 12. Well, the whole trick, my boy, is to know values. Know values and make decisions quickly. If I'd been the kind of a man that fools around, can't make up his mind, she might have bought some other house. I told you to grab it, Uncle. Sure, but what do you know? I know how much a 7 from 12. Are you sure? No, children. Uncle Mort, it could be by the western's house. It's not very big, but it's cute. Oh, yes, it's a nice house. Very nice. It has two bathrooms. What about me hanging around where you take those bubble baths? I do not take bubble baths. You took one last week. You left a lot of bubbles in the tub, too. I did not. You did so. If that will do, children, the western house might be very nice, Marjorie. Probably get it for $6,000, maybe $5,000. How about something out in that new subdivision? Oh, I'd love to live in shady oaks. The houses are all new out there. The kitchens are nice out there, too. There's a lovely English cottage out there. Two bedrooms and three bathrooms. Only two bedrooms? Oh, Bertie would love the kitchen. Yeah, I'd love it, but I wouldn't want to sleep in it. We'll need something a little bigger than two bedrooms, Marjorie. But don't worry, there are dozens of houses in town that will be fine for us. Let's get a great big house. We don't need a mansion, my boy. As long as there's plenty of bathrooms, it'll be wonderful to have a house with a powder room. A powder room? Every house in Hollywood has a powder room for Uncle Mort. Why not? Yeah, let's have a rumpus room. If I'm going to clean all these rooms, I hope there's a restroom. Don't worry, Bertie. Good times are coming. You know, ever since that real estate woman walked in here this morning, I felt that everything was going to be fine. I'll take this money, we'll buy a new house, then I'll put the rest of it in mousetraps, and pretty soon I'll be a millionaire. And when I'm a millionaire, Marjorie will have two bathrooms all herself. Lee Roy will have a baseball diamond and you will have an assistant. Mr. Gilt! Don't laugh, Bertie. It could happen. This is just a standard form-sale contract, Mr. Gilt receive. It provides that you vacate your house within 30 days. 30 days? Well, that's customary. Oh, but of course I don't have to tell you I can see you've had real estate dealings before. Oh, yes, plenty of them. Would you care to use my pen or...? I'd just glance through the rest of this. Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, thank you. You're a smart girl, Miss Wheeler. Not like an ordinary agent rushing a follow-in to something. Where do I sign? Right here. Oh, yes. Rock, Morton, P. Gilder, please. And the duplicate copy. That's the one I keep. That's right. Rock. Oh, pens don't dry. Oh, sorry, here's another one. Oh, pens. Rock, Morton, P. Gilder, please. Thank you. That does it. Yes, sir. Well, I have a feeling we ought to celebrate a little. Come on out and I'll buy you a soda. Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Gillespie, but I've got a customer waiting over on the other side of town. Some other time. All right, some other time. Before you go, Miss Wheeler, it's been such a pleasure doing business with you. I'd like to throw a little business your way. Oh, really? Well, you'll call me. Something around $5,000 or $6,000. Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mr. Gilder, please. What do you mean? Don't you want my business? Well, yes, but... Well, the fact is, there isn't a single house available in Somerfield. Well, what? Unless you'd be interested in something around 20 or 25,000. Give me back that contract. Now, Mr. Gilder, please. That would hardly be fair to my clients, would it? Fair. What's being fair about it to me? You swindled me out of my house for half what it's worth. And all the time you know I own a house. And all the time you know I won't have anywhere to go. You know where you can go, Mr. Gilder. Oh, my, George, if you... We'll be with us again in just a few seconds. If you like piping hot toast, pancakes, or waffles, try spreading them with delicious parquet margarine. And see what appetizing goodness the delicate, satisfying flavor of parquet adds to these tempting breakfast treats. If you carry a lunch to work at a school, you'll be glad to know that parquet margarine is one of the finest energy foods you can spread on bread or in sandwiches. And a few Mrs. Homemaker are concerned about good family nutrition as we know you are. You, especially, will want to know this important fact. Craft fortifies parquet margarine so that every pound contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. Yes, it's good to know that there is such an economical nourishing spread for bread with such delicious flavor and such dependable craft quality. So be sure to ask for parquet margarine because it's the best way to get the best quality. So be sure to ask for parquet P-A-R-K-A-Y parquet margarine made by craft only two ration points a pound. And remember, craft makes parquet. Now let's get back to the great gilder sleeve who's really painted himself into a corner. Having sold his own house for a good price, he can't find another to move into at any price. He's tried every real estate agent in town examined the classified ads and it's time out to get a haircut and think it over. So we find him in the hands of Floyd Munson wedged into a barber chair strangled by a mussy sheet smelling like a lily as Floyd gives him the finishing touches. Well, Mr. Gilder sleeve, who's going to win the election? Hard to say, Floyd. Hard to say. You don't know anybody who has a house he wants to sell, do you? Why, are you in the market, commissioner? I may be shortly. Well, his fellow in here the other day and my family live in an old's mobile, Floyd. What I need is a house. Why, are you getting thrown out of yours? I'm not getting thrown out, I've sold it. Is that a fact? Funny, I didn't hear about it. I just told you. Bet you got a pretty good price for it, huh? A fair price. Yes, good solid house you got there, well built. Bet you got an easy 8,000 for it. 9,000, maybe. With a garage and all, maybe 10,000. I got a fair price. My problem now is to find a place to live. Yeah. Well, I got a nice little place there. Nothing fancy, you know what I mean? We could do with another bathroom. Wife's always hollering at me. Well, it's a roof over our heads. I'm not worrying about you, Floyd. It's me. Say, now you mention it, I hear where Otto Slesnik and his wife ain't getting along so good again. What's that to me? If I was passing that place here the night, they would carry on something fierce. I heard her call him a bum mechanic. That ain't good. Well, if you don't mind, Floyd, I haven't seen any local gossip at the moment. Now, wait. Supposing it was to go from bad to worse. Supposing they would have bussed up. Well, there'd be a house. Sure, you gotta think of those things. Wife happens to pass a remark. Man reaches for a piece of crockery. First thing you know, there's a house on the market. Floyd, you've given me an idea. Finish me up, will you? Practically done now. Of course, if you're thinking of that house of Otto's, it's only got five rooms. Tell me about it. I need at least seven. It's only an idea. Maybe if you was to look around and sort of keep you here to the ground, you know what I mean? After all, life's no better roses. Otto and his wife, they're not the only lovebirds in town. If there was only some way... Just because a man opens the door for his wife or carries the groceries home for her, you don't know how he treats her when he gets her there. Floyd, how are the Thompson's getting along these days? Oh, I pray that's all straightened out. Her mother finally went home. Of course, maybe I ought to say this. No? Why? Well, I don't know this. I only heard. But it seems where Doc Pettybone came home at 4.30 the other morning and she put the bolt on the door and wouldn't let him in. Doc Pettybone always wondered how he stood it. Not a bad house, either. Well, that's only what I heard. Where there's smoke, there must be fire. You know what I mean? By George, I know where I can find out, too. Let me out of this chair, Floyd. They are commissioning. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much. Well, if it ain't Fred Kelly. What happened, Fred? No cracks, please. Where'd you get the black eye, Fred? Right into a door in the dark. Oh, that's too bad. Too bad. Uh, let me know if you hear anything, Floyd. Uh-huh. Dr. Pettybone? Well, yes, I do most of this perception work. I know that, Petey, but have you seen it? Yes, I have. As a matter of fact, Mrs. Petty and I played bridge with the doctor and his wife last night. You did, really? Well, how did they seem? Well, they seemed fine. Why? You, uh, didn't notice anything? Notice anything? I mean, you didn't feel any undercurrent there. They seemed to be getting along, all right. Why, yes. No kicking each other under the bridge table or anything? No, why? Nuts. Why do you ask, Mr. Galaxy? I've got to find the house, Petey. I've got to find one right away. Is, uh, this for yourself or for a friend? For myself, naturally. For my family. They'll be out on the street in 30 days if I don't find one. Yeah, yeah. I don't like to pry, Mr. Gillespie, but, uh, was it trouble with the mortgage? No, it was trouble with a woman. Oh, that again. The woman deceived me, Petey. They'll do it every time. Well, I wouldn't say that. Not every time. This one was a real estate agent. I thought if I sold my house for $12,000, bought another for five or six, I'd make a fair profit on the exchange. But she didn't tell me there aren't any other houses. She didn't tell me that. Have you thought of renting a house? Yeah, and so has everybody else. I've even thought of stealing a house, Petey. That's why I asked you about Doc Pettybone. Third things weren't so rosy there, and I thought maybe, say, how many rooms you got in your house, Petey? Mrs. Petey and I are very happy where we are, Mr. Gillespie. Yeah, I didn't think so. You don't know anybody who's leaving town or anything. No, I'm afraid I don't. The doctor hasn't happened to mention anybody who's on the anxious list. Not that I can recall. Perhaps if you waited till the winter season. I can't, Petey. I've got to have a house right away. I can't find one for love or money. You know, speaking of love... Yes? It's too bad you and Mrs. Ransom didn't hit it off there a while back. Why do you say that? Well, I always thought Miss Goodwin very attractive, but that place where she lives is a little small. Petey, I told you I'm all through with that stuff. No more of it. I'll never have anything to do with a woman again as long as I... Still, that's a nice house Lila's got there. Copper plumbing throughout. Nice shade of trees too. Yeah. Petey, I wonder... What? I wonder if Mrs. Ransom wouldn't like to go back to Savannah. After all, she's a long way from home up here, Petey. She could sell me her house and go down there and buy a little old plantation. Enjoy some of that southern comfort. Get some of that old cornpone. Hear those old banjos ringing. Man, I'd almost go with her. Glad you dropped in, Frogmore. I'll tell you, Lila. I've been a little worried about you lately. Oh, have you really had a nice... Yeah. When I think of you all alone in this great big house here, day after day... Well, I'm not completely alone. I have friends, you know. Oh, yes, of course. Of course you have. But I sometimes ask myself, Lila, if we really know who our truest friends are. Well, I always think of you as my friend Frogmore. I hope you don't mind. Oh, I am very much so. Yes, indeed. You must always think of me that way, Lila. Yes. But what I mean is... Well, everybody knows that a boy's best friend is his mother. A girl's, too. I suppose. Yes. People should stick to their mother and their family, Lila. We mustn't forget the old folks at home. Don't you ever miss them? Well, I think about them. I think about them a lot. But sometimes I feel I'd rather think about them than be with them. Oh, that's the wrong attitude, Lila. Frogmore, why are you suddenly so interested in my folks? You never showed any interest in them when we went gay. Well, it's not your folks so much, Lila. It's not that. I'm thinking of you. I... Uh, certainly. You don't realize, Lila, you're a southerner. You were born in the south. It's in your blood. Don't you hear it calling? Not at the moment. Lila, think of it. Moonlight and honey suckle. Soft summer breezes. Those old banjos ringing. I haven't heard a banjo in the south in 15 years. Well, you could take that one down with you. Think of that Southern cooking, Lila. Think of it. I am thinking of it. And you're thinking of something, too. Yeah, I wonder what it is. I don't know what you mean. Oh, yes, you are. I'm thinking of you, Lila. So far from home. Living all alone up here in this great big house. By the way, how many rooms has it got? Seven. Ever have any water in the cellar? Not a drop. Remarkable. Just the same I worry about you here, Lila. That's very sweet of you, Throckmorton, to worry about me. But I don't worry. Well, you should. Such a big house for such a little girl. Seven rooms, you say? I never worry because I know that if anything should happen, if I should ever need protection, you're right next door. That's just Italy. Lila, I may not be next door. Throckmorton, you're not leaving town. Well, that depends. Depends on what? It depends on you. Oh, gracious. I mean, here you are, living all alone in a great big house. Here I am. I don't know how to say it. Oh, Throckmorton, you're such a dear, sweet, clumsy fool. Why don't you just come right out and say it? Well... That shithead ambushed me first. There. You got me all wrong, Lila. Times is on that now. What is it you wanted to say to me? Uh... Lila, why don't you go back to Savannah? Well, I don't... I'd pay you a good price for your place, Lila. I'd pay you as much as it cost. You see, I gotta have a house. I sold mine. Lila, you're not gonna cry, are you? Lila, don't cry. It was only an offer, Lila. No harm in an offer. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd take it all back. Keep your house, Lila. I just thought you'd like to go back home and get some of that fried chicken. Smell some of those oleanders again. Hear those old banjoos ringing. I'll make yourself at home, Gildy. You always do. There's an ashtray beside you. I was just enjoying my usual after-dinner K-lack water. Care for a glass? No, thank you. Judge? Yes, Gildy? I dropped over here tonight and let you in on a good thing. It has anything to do with mouse traps. Let me out. No. As a matter of fact, it has to do with this rat trap you're living in here. This what? Your house. I think I may have a prospective purchaser for it. That is, if the price is right. Sorry, I wouldn't be interested. Oh, Judge, don't be ridiculous. This is a bona fide offer. No, not interested. Don't be a dog in the manger, Judge. What do you want to wallow around in a nine-room house for? I like it here. May not be beautiful, but it's comfortable, and I like it. I hope and expect to remain here till the day I die. But that may be years. Look, Judge, this man is no piker. He's prepared to offer $5,000 spot-catch for the whole shebang just as she stands. I might possibly consider $14,000. $14,000? That's $2,000 more than I got. If you think your house is worth more than mine... Wait a minute, Gilly. Do you mean to tell me you sold your house? Well, I didn't mean to tell you, Judge, but that's about the size of it. But, Gilly, that house isn't yours to sell. You're only the executor. It's held in trust for Marjorie and Leroy. No, I consulted them before I did it. Oh, you did? Well, why didn't you consult me? Well, dog gone at horse. Every time I consult you about anything, you send me a bill. Well, that's it. What am I going to do, Horace? I've sold the house and I can't find another one. Are you asking me what to do? Well, I'm asking you. I'll bill you, so help me. I'll bill you. Well, go ahead and bill me. All right. As your lawyer, I advise you to get that contract canceled. But how, Judge? How can I do it? Well, it'll take a good lawyer. Fortunately, you've got one. Yes. As your lawyer, I'll refer the contract to the probate judge in charge of the estate to whom it should have been referred for approval in the first place. Good. Do that. And as the probate judge in charge of the estate, I shall declare the contract null and void. Yep. Horace, can you do that? Watch me. By George, the law is a wonderful thing. Just a minute, please. Speaking again as your attorney, the fee for that will be $100. Marked up from 50. $100? Well, I guess it's cheap at that. $100? Or a chicken's frequency dinner cooked by the inimitable birdie. Yeah. It's dead frequency to include dumplings. By George, Horace. Hi, golly, gilly. You old son of a gun. You old horse, please. You old puttin' head. You old stick in the mud. Be it ever so humble. Daddy's like all... By George, I'm glad we didn't sell it. Listen to that. Rain on the roof. And here I am, snug as a bug in the rug. Hey, old man. It is? Yes. Remind me, Roy, these days a man is lucky to have a leak over his head. You go to bed. Good night, everybody. It may even surprise some of you good cooks, and it's sure to surprise your family and guests to discover what marvelous new flavor interest you can add to foods with delicious craft-prepared mustard. First, get hefty tangy golden craft-salad mustard. It's something really quite special in a salad mustard. Creamy smooth, mild, yet so zestfully spiced, craft-salad mustard has just put it takes to pep up a golden sauce for hot-cooked vegetables, and it adds a delightful flavor tang to egg and cheese dishes. It puts new sparkle into relishes, appetizers, and sandwich spreads. And here's another great favorite, craft mustard with nippy horseradish added to sharpen your appetite for frankfritters and cold meat cuts and to zip up the flavor of sauces for fish. Buy both kinds for lively flavor variety. Tomorrow, ask your dealer for craft mustard, the nippy horseradish variety, and the tangy golden craft-salad mustard.