 Okay, so what do you think about marriage? You just looked at one aspect of it. What are your thoughts now? Single people, married people? Just put it in the chat. Your honest opinion on marriage need to hear from you from what you've seen so far. What do you think? Okay, I'm waiting. We can ask the newlywed. Seems like you have to prepare a lot. Yeah, Jefina, it definitely, I think that's a good thing. Just knowing that one has to prepare and preparing. So it's not an impossible situation, right? See, we are looking at all the things together. So it might sound a little overwhelming. Oh wow, there's so much to it. But the fact is that there are areas, there are strengths as well. All of us have strengths, areas of strengths, areas where we are strong in and we can relate very well to the other person. But knowing that there are areas which need to be worked on. Just knowing that is the first step. And the second step is of course, working at it intentionally. So preparing for it is good. Okay, anyone else? Georgia, we can ask the newlywed Anita and John Paul. Subhashesh, what do you think from what we've studied so far? Okay, still collecting your thoughts? Okay, it's good. I think if you're thinking about it, well, that's a good thing as well. The danger is not thinking about it, right? So if you're thinking, okay, so this is what manages, it involves this. It's good to think about it. Okay, but never forget that the God is a designer of marriages. So he's a good God. He's the one who designed it. So his design is good. And well, there are other things, our own flesh, the nature of sin, what it is. And of course, we have the powers of darkness, Satan and his cohorts. All trying to pull down what God means to be a good thing. Or trying to distort what God means to be a good thing. Or what God meant to be a good thing. For a man and a woman. So never forget that. We have God's backing in this, right? Okay, so we looked at when we need to personally manage our lives. One of the things that we saw was our career itself. Okay, let me just share that and then we'll move on. Okay. Okay, so the first thing. So it's career and then we close by saying, you know, what about, you know, if there's a need for, well, their husband to be working elsewhere. You know, we have a typical situation where let's say the wife needs to work somewhere and the husband needs to work somewhere. And it's a long distance thing, you know, so is that good? You know, after all, you need money. It's important that you need, you know, finances. And so it's a good thing just for the sake of the family, for the sake of, you know, children, you know, is this kind of sacrifice okay? So the thing is this, you know, while we know that there are sometimes these situations can't be avoided, but, you know, as a church, as a ministry, what we always recommend for married people is that, well, maybe there are, you know, there are situations like this. So maybe you can take about three months, three to four months to work through this, right? Maybe the husband needs to be there, maybe the wife needs to be there. You know, in some cases, it's like the husband is working and then the wife needs to get a visa to join the husband or the other way, you know, a different country and all those things. So the thing is to work at it, you know, and not let that be a permanent thing, right? To work at the family being together, to work at the husband and the wife being together. So whatever time frame, you know, maybe it's three months ideal, okay? You work at it and then say, okay, in three months, you know, but sometimes we know that it goes beyond that. But then also to suggest that there's what we, you know, as a church, as a ministry, recommend very strongly that the husband and wife should not be separated because of work, because of career, because the primary thing, you know, for them, the marriage should be given priority, right, for the family to be together, because when, because of physical distance, you can say today, you know, we are connected, we have social media, but because of physical distance, a lot of other things happen, you know, maybe it's the breeding ground for, you know, pre-marital, I mean, extramarital affairs and all those things, emotional dependence on another person, you know, all that happens because of this. So when, you know, this is what we highly recommend. Okay, what is the other thing when it comes to management of oneself? Okay, it's important how one handles finances, okay, money. Are they able to, first of all, earn, save, invest? Are they able to live within the means, or is it like, you know, end of the month, everybody? You end up, you know, end up borrowing, etc. Also, you know, is the person very tight-fisted and saying, okay, this is my money, that is your money, but when it comes to finances, do we have, you know, this is our money, because I'm earning it, this is in my account, but it's our money and whatever be the, you know, need for spending, maybe it's a, you know, like a big investment or a, you know, big thing that we need to spend, okay, to have that mentality, to have that mindset, this is ours. Well, God gave me this trend to, you know, to earn this or he brought it into our lives, but, you know, this is ours, so we plan it, we pray, we plan, we decide and we spend it, right? So, to have that kind of a mentality. Okay, another very overlooked resource is time, right? So, time, as individuals, are we able to manage our time well? Because now, because of one more person, let's say, even if you're a single person, you know, if you're a single unmarried person, then there is the necessity to manage your time well, right? To be skilled at that, to make sure that you have a schedule, to make sure that you're able to, you know, maintain your spiritual life, to be able to give priority, to be able to give priority and prioritize, you know, time in church, time in the word, prioritize time for the work or study, right? For the family, so all those things, you know, as an individual, as a single person, you know, to be strong in that, because when you are married, when there's another person and they have their own schedule, so you need to be strong in managing your time to be able to plan and spend, you know, time together, right? So, time we see is an important resource, so to be able to do well, planning, goal-sectoring, one very important aspect of time is punctuality, right? Am I always late? Do I find that as a challenge? Do I find it a challenge to, you know, get up in the morning? Do I find it a challenge to discipline myself to go to bed at the right time so that I can have enough rest to be able to get up in the morning? You know, all these things come related to time, right? So, time management, a very important thing. Then the other thing is the household skill. These are, again, some things which are overlooked. You know, when it comes to running a family, running a household, there are bills to be paid. And these bills need to be paid on time because if these bills are not paid, then normally there is a fine that is attached to it or a discontinuing of the services. You know, you don't pay an electricity bill, then the electricity is cut off. If you don't pay your internet or your phone connection that is taken away, and these greatly inconvenience us, right? Or if you don't order whatever fuel you are using for cooking, maybe it's a gas or stove or gas cylinder or, you know, in whatever way, maybe gas is piped in whatever, you know, there is a cutting away of those services, a stopping of those services, which again put a lot of stress in, you know, and its inconvenience is not only you but also the rest of the family, you and your spouse, so you need to be able to do that, right? So paying bills, well, keeping the place clean, you know, maybe we didn't even think about it, right? Well, you could be a person who's extremely organized, extremely, you know, clean, everything is put in its place, you know, clothes are all iron then folded and kept, you know, exactly where things are, or you could be the extreme, right? Every time you need to search for a thing, it's like, I mean, every time you need to find something, you spend about 15-20 minutes searching, right? Because you've just thrown it, well, the thing is this, you know, being able to keep things clean, keep things organized, because there's going to be another person living with you, right? So if that person is organized and you are not, then that's going to create some kind of a conflict and if that person is highly disorganized and you are very organized, that also is going to, you know, create some conflict because, you know, you are constantly picking up, you're constantly cleaning things and the other person is making things dirty and, you know, so the household skills like, and even skills like cooking, laundry, shopping, you know, these are things that we don't normally talk about, but it's true, you know, in some people's lives, you know, somebody might say, hey, I never bought a single thing, a single item in the grocery list, which is true for me, you know, like my parents did that. We never had to go and buy the grocery because there was someone else to do it all the time. So the minute I moved out of my house for work, that's when I realized, I didn't know much, right? How much, normally how much does a, you know, a kilo of onions cost or tomatoes or potatoes? I was clueless, so I had to learn, you know, how do you, how do you even choose an onion, you know? Okay, which is a good, which is a good one, which is not, I didn't know. So I had to, you know, it was a learning for me when I moved out of the house. So these are some things that we might take for granted, but it's good to know these things, right? So personal management, again, household skills also come into a very important factor. Then, okay, I'm just checking if there are any questions, any comments, okay, none. Right, so then the other thing is relationship skills. Okay, so what do we mean by that when we say relationship skills? Okay, you know, when we look at Philippians chapter 2 verses 3 and 5, we see that Paul is instructing and its, his instructions are when it comes to people doing life together or it's, you know, maybe it's in the, it's a church scenario, maybe it's a house from a family kind of, or work professional kind of a sitting, but you know, just read through this. Chapter 2 verse 3, don't do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast. This is the message, this is a good news version. But be humble towards one another, always considering others better than yourselves, and look out for one another's interest, not just for your own. This attitude, the attitude you should have is the one which that Christ Jesus had. Okay, so to, in order to establish a good healthy relationship in marriage with our spouse, so there needs to be, you know, this, when it comes to our attitude, when it comes to our communication, right? We need to have some skills. Maybe we, maybe we are, you know, we do not talk to the other person at all. No, we just, maybe just keep to ourselves. Well, marriage involves communication, marriage involves speaking to the other person, marriage involves, you know, this whole thing of trust, how does it build? How the whole thing of transparency or intimacy, how does it happen? When we start by communicating, right, when we begin to share, when we begin to share things about our lives, our life, who we are, our likes, our dislikes, everything about ourselves when we share with the other person. That is when, you know, the whole thing starts. So, I mean, communication is a very important thing. It's crucial in marriage, you know, because sometimes people say, okay, I'm living in the same house. We're under the same roof, but there's no communication, right? There's no communication at all. It's just a very transactional interaction, okay? Okay, this needs to be bought. Fine, we'll buy it. Did you buy this? Did you get this? You know, are we going here? Are you ready? Shall we go? It's just that very transactional interaction, okay? And communication is broken down. You're not sharing about feelings. You're not sharing about fears. You're not sharing about the future, you know, your dreams, desires. Maybe something happened along the journey and everything is shut down. Or, you know, if you're not married, then you know, you don't want to, you know, you don't want to share these things because either you don't trust or whatever, you know, whatever reason, or you're not used to, right? And so you need to consider, okay, hey, I need to get over this fear. I need to get over this inhibition and I need to be able to communicate, okay, share, talk to the other person, okay? So, the next one, roles in marriage, okay? I need to be prepared, which means I need to understand what is the role of a husband, what is the role of the wife. You know, we're going to look at, there's a chapter on this. So, understand, okay, as the husband, as the wife, you know, what are my roles? Is it providing for the home, spiritual growth of everybody in the house? Okay, for running of the home, the, you know, effective, let's say, operation of everything that's happening, right? There are some skills and it comes under, you know, typically a relationship skill. Am I, you know, am I a good team leader? Am I a good team player, right? Do I, do we support each other? All these things, right? So, we need to consider this, you know, for, I just want to share here that, you know, I worked initially with an organization, which was a sales, you know, my role in that organization was in the area of sales. It was a salesperson. So, which means that every day I had to meet a lot of people, a lot of clients, talk about the product, talk about the company, you know, and offer the goods and services and all that, right? And make a sale, come back. So, this was it. So, by the time I came back, this was the early days of marriage, right? So, my wife was not working then. So, she was at home. So, by the time I came back, she was all, you know, excited to see me and she wanted to, you know, hear from me about my days, you know, how my day was and she wanted to speak, you know, tell me how her day was. And I was not ready, you know, I was just not ready at all. I was not ready at all to talk to her because emotionally, I just didn't have the strength, right? Physically, emotionally, I was just drained. I was like, just leave me alone. You know, don't even talk to me. I don't, you know, I don't even have the ability to listen. So, that was a tough thing. You know, I had to get over that. I had to, and I also, all those years of being single. So, it was like, I could do whatever I want, right? I could just, I could just decide, okay, guys, you know, I'm just going, I'm just shutting out the world. You know, I'm just going to be myself. Well, now I'm married. So, I need to be able to handle that well. I'm just getting to know my wife. And so, I need to be able to communicate that, communicate what my wants are, what my desires are, and what my problems are, what my difficulty was, right? To be able to communicate that despite the way I was feeling and say, okay, you know, I just need to rest for some time. It's not that I have anything against you or anything. Just to be able to do that, right? So, it's very important, okay? So, I'm just talking about, you know, skip back to communication. Rules again, right? Rules and marriage, you know, what are some things that you can do? What are some things that I can do? And readily taking up certain responsibilities, okay? I'm good at this. So, let me do this. Let me handle this at home. You have these things need to be clean. Well, let me do that. Some things need to be cooked. Okay, I don't have no expertise in this area. So, you know, can you handle that? Right? So, an understanding of that. So, that would mean that you first start, you communicate, you come to a place of understanding, right? So, it doesn't happen automatically. Many times we think that, oh, that person should understand. That person should know how I feel. Well, it doesn't happen that way. Right? It's fantastic, you know, and that happens intuitively. You think and maybe you care and you do that. It doesn't happen all the time, right? You need to share and you need to, well, communicate with the person and share that, right? Okay. So, we looked at roles in relationship, roles in marriage, and also, you know, our interactions and our relationship with our in-laws. Okay, which means, you know, my wife's parents and, you know, the relationship that my wife has with my parents, right? What the interactions that I have with my wife's parents and so on, so in-laws. Now, again, we need to consider that, hey, these are folks whom we should treat with honor and respect. And they are my spouse's parents, elders, and, you know, they have taken care of my spouse. They have taken care of my, you know, brought her up and brought him up. Therefore, you know, and what God is very clear that we need to honor our parents. And so, she should honor her parents and I should honor mine as well and I should honor, we should honor each other's parents, respect each other's parents, right? So, while we do that, also, the thing is to clearly define, we saw marriages for two people only and then if there is a third person or if there is a group, you know, in that circle, then it's going to put a lot of stress. So, you know, with regard to in-laws, clearly defined, you know, boundaries, okay, hey, yeah, thank you for the advice, you know, about how we should spend our holidays, but we will decide that, right? Thank you for the advice. Thank you for everything that you're sharing and what we'll decide that, you know. Thank you for the offer that you want to, you know, buy this for the house or, you know, this particular color furniture, but, you know, please, I thank you, but, you know, we have other plans. You know, we don't want that right now. We let you know. You know, things like that, right? So, in an honorable manner and not really snapping at them, you know, not putting them down, but in an honorable manner to say that, well, now, as husband and wife, we have decided and this is what it is and so to have that. So, to be able to have that, one needs to trust one another, right? And I remember a piece of advice that the person who actually, you know, took us through pre-marital counseling shared this pastor. So he shared something very important. He said, you know, he looked at me and he said, you know, you need to, my wife's father passed away when she was in college. So it was her mother looking after her and, you know, all that. So this pastor looked at me and he said, you know, you need to make sure that you do the best for, you know, her mother. You make sure that you do the best. You have her best in mind, you do the best for her, no matter what, right? In all your conversations and everything, don't put her down. You have the best for her, right? Maybe there are things that she needs, you take care of those needs. And, well, he did the same thing for my wife as well. And he looked at her and he said, you know, your husband's husband to be, you know, his parents, you do the best for them, honor them, you do the best for them, treat them with respect and make sure that you don't put them down or, you know. So this was very valuable advice because when we decided to do that, when we told each other, okay, this is what we're going to do. I made up my mind and said, okay, now it's a difficult thing. You know, it's a difficult thing because, well, people being who they are, they might have their own, you know, your own faults, own things, they might have their own characteristics, you know, maybe they are pushy, maybe they are the same. Whatever it is, you know, I just made up my mind that I'm going to honor. And so also my wife, she said, I'm going to honor, I'm going to respect them, irrespective of how they are going to communicate and how they are going to behave. So we're going to respect. So when each of us had confidence that, you know, I mean, I have the confidence that my wife is not going to disrespect my parents. And my wife is going to always, you know, think the best of them and do the best for them. And when she, my wife had the confidence that, okay, my husband is going to do the best for my mother. You know, that she's single and well, there's no one to look out for her, but my husband is going to make sure that, you know, he'll do his best. So there was no insecurity in that area. So when it came to defining the boundaries, it was so easy to say that, hey, this is what we have decided. This is how we are going to spend time. You know, to top it all, you know, I don't know if this might, you know, as for Indian families, it might make, you know, it might be able to understand it a little better, I think. I'm not sure. So Georgia and Lubeca and the others are just sharing this. So the thing is, you know, both our parents, like her mother and my parents, we lived in the same hometown. You know, they lived in the same hometown at that time. So whenever we came home for, you know, our Christmas holidays, vacation, whatever vacation, there was a lot of pressure in the sense, hey, Christmas lunch, Christmas dinner, which family do we choose? Is it husband's family? Is it wife's family? But we all, you know, normally Christmas dinner is always with the husband's family, you know, all those kind of things. So initially it was tough. You know, whenever we visited our hometown, maybe it was just for a couple of days and, you know, spending time dividing the time between the families and all that, it was really tough. But because we had this understanding, hey, we're not going to disrespect, I'm not going to disrespect your mother and so also, you know, have the confidence, she's not going to disrespect my parents. And so it was easy for us to decide, okay, hey, let's go here for lunch. Let's go here for dinner. Let's spend this time here. Mornings, let's spend here. Second half, let's spend here. Let's stay the night here. It was easy, right? But if that confidence is not there, then it's going to be tough. And the in-laws, relationship with in-laws were very, very uncomfortable, very, very, I would say even bitter, like a lot of fights and a lot of things. So I can just fully say that, you know, the relationship with my mother-in-law, and I was like, yeah, we do joke about it. We do, you know, have our disagreements, but really it's a very friendly, you know, relationship and I can say, and so also, you know, I've seen my wife interact with my parents and now my father's no more and my herd interactions with my mother and, you know, very friendly and even, you know, she speaks to her more than I would speak to her. So, you know, it's that level. So I praise God, thank God for that, for that advice. And when we went through our pre-marital time, which really helped us through these years. Yeah, so almost two decades and more. So it's really helped us through these years, right? Okay, so preparing relationally in all these areas is very important. Okay, when it comes to relationships also, you know, in certain scenarios, well, it becomes unavoidable to not stay, you know, unavoidable to, you know, to stay separately. Normally we highly recommend, okay, you, as newlyweds, you need to, you know, start your own home and, you know, stay separately, et cetera. Sometimes it's not because maybe there's a parent who's unable to take care of himself or herself and there's no one else except, you know, except maybe you and your married and of course, your parent needs to live with you or you need to live there. So in such cases, well, how, again, how clearly would you define those boundaries, about time spent, et cetera? It is a challenge, right? It's a challenging thing, but it has to be, again, these boundaries have to be well-defined, understood by both the husband and the wife so that there are, you know, there are no, I won't say there are no conflicts, but, you know, you know that, you know, what the expectations are and, you know, how to resolve these kind of conflicts. Okay, then the other thing. Okay, we looked at four areas. Let's just move on. Any questions here so far? Any questions? Anything that you might want to add? Or maybe you're from, you know, a different culture, different, you know, completely different ethnic background so you have a different culture. So you can feel free to share that as well. And I think it'll be good. If there's anything, please go ahead. Nothing at all? I don't see anything on the chat. Right. Let's move on. Okay, so in this whole thing of preparation, we're just going to look at, you know, three more things before we close. One is the whole aspect of overcoming the past. Okay, whether it's, yeah. John Paul is soaking in. Okay. Thanks, John. Praise God. Yeah. Okay, overcoming the past. Okay, when it comes to overcoming the past, you know, is it some kind of abuse or some kind of trauma or some kind of negative experiences? Now the thing is, you know, we know that stuff happens, right? Even in the most protected of environments, there could be something that's happened, maybe some abuse, physical abuse. Maybe there's an emotional abuse that has happened and because of which we are broken. Physical abuse could be, you know, maybe some kind of a rape or some kind of, you know, physical abuse, something, you know, of that sort. Maybe just one instance and maybe it was a repeated thing, you know, whatever it is. The fact is that emotionally, maybe the person is broken. Maybe emotionally the person has a lot of scars and maybe that was not shared at all. You know, it's so secretive, so shameful. You know, you think it's very shameful. You think that you're the only person to whom it has happened. So you've not got reached out, received help. You're not even spoken about it to another person. Now here comes, you know, the person to whom you're going to be married to and this thing seems to be like a wall, right? You're not able to be, you're not able to emotionally relate, like be close to that person because you've been hurt by another man or you've been hurt by another woman, right? So it's something of the past, right? A trauma of the past, a negative experience of the past and abuse of the past, right? Sometimes abuse happens in the family and it could be an abuse of father and an abuse of mother, whatever it is, right? Now, what do we do? You know, we're taking that into the family, into the marriage. Do you want to take it into the marriage? The answer is no. Have you taken it already into the marriage? Well, the thing is, it has to be dealt with. It has to be sorted because you don't want the marriage to suffer, right? You already know, hey, there's some tension because of this but you feel helpless and you're seeing that I can't do anything. I can't seem to do anything about it. I don't know where to get help, right? The thing is, it needs to be dealt with. Look at Isaiah 43 and verse 18. We'll just look at both the versions. Maybe we'll look at New King James first. Isaiah 43 and verse 18. The Lord says, do not remember the former things nor consider the things of old. You might say, Lord, it's so easy to say but so difficult. Verse 19, behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth. Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and reverse in the desert. If you look at the message version, it says, but the Lord says, do not cling to the events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Verse 19, watch for the new thing that I'm going to do. It is happening already. You can see it now. I'll make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. The Lord's instruction in verse 18 is, do not cling to the things of the past. Forget those things of the past. Do not remember the former things. That's one instruction. Obviously, we need the Lord's leading guidance, empowering to forget. Because our mind has been designed to remember. And now we need to forget. That means that even though we do remember those events, it can't be erased completely, but they don't trouble us anymore. In the sense, the pain is not there anymore. We see it and we just remember the healing that God has brought about. We remember the strength that God has brought about and the restoration that God has brought about when we think of those events and we think of those traumatic events. The Lord says, do not cling to it. Second one is, the Lord is going to do a new thing and what is it? He's going to prepare a way out and it's right through that wilderness, right through that difficult environment, but he's preparing a way. And it's a road. It's a road through the wilderness. It's a way out and it's a new thing. And the Lord is saying, this is what I'm going to do right in the midst of that environment. I'm going to prepare a way out and you're going to walk on it and come out of it and you will see those things like what you did not even expect. Streams of water there, some refreshing in that hard and harsh environment. Lord's promise. So the thing is that if we have gone through that kind of unfortunate event of the past and we have questions, we have hurts, we have bitterness, the thing is the Lord is promising that he will take us out. He'll bring us to a place of healing and wholeness. So what do we do? We don't stay there. We don't dwell on the past. But we take the Lord's hand and even as we walk, we walk through that pathway that he has prepared and we come out. We journey to healing. It's a journey that we make. It's a journey of healing and we come out whole. We come out strong. So it could be abuse. So we need to make sure that intensely we come out of it. We come to a place of just unburdening ourselves onto the Lord and saying, God, I just went through this and maybe the best thing to do is to maybe attend a session with a Christian counselor, someone who is trained, someone who is gifted, someone who is anointed in that area and say, I need help. A lot of counseling is available online. APC itself has a counseling ministry. So could do some of these sessions and then come to a place of healing. So not stay in that place. Second thing could be, let me just add up. It could be addictions, substance abuse, addictions to substances. It could be addiction, addictive behaviors, addictive lifestyles, gambling, compulsive behaviors, and so on. So these things also, we need to deal with it. And not say, not think that, okay, I'm addicted to smoking, I'm addicted to alcohol. I'll be fine. Once I get married, I'll be fine. No, you won't be fine. In fact, it's going to be, it'll get activated. Maybe there were negative home environments and experiences where we were in an abusive household, where our parents were not the best of examples. It just happens. We didn't get to choose our parents. So unfortunately, maybe they knew the Lord, they did not know the Lord. One knew the other one did not or whatever, whatever be the circumstance. Maybe they were not the best of examples. Maybe there was abuse in the family. Maybe we saw our parents fighting. We saw domestic violence. Maybe there was unfaithfulness, infidelity in the family. Maybe there was abandonment. All that, what we have seen, sometimes we learn those behaviors. I remember, it was quite recently, I got upset about something and the way I spoke, my wife said, you sound just like uncle, you sound just like your dad. My dad was upset. He would use a certain tone and she said, you sound just like your dad. I wasn't proud of it because it was a negative thing that she was saying. And the fact that I had absorbed some of those things. But the thing is, we learn these things. As children growing up in that environment, we picked these up. These are caught. We didn't even realize it. We picked these up. It became part of our lives. And when we face certain scenario, it just comes out. Where did it come from? I don't know, it's there. An undrenewed part of my mind. It was there, hidden all along and then just pops out. It was there. In my Atomos, you desire truth in the Atomos part of my being. So you know, you can ask the Lord, search light of your truth, God. It is shining in me and wherever there needs to be changed, God, you change it. There needs to be strength to change it, God. And yes, these areas we need to, definitely it needs to think about. So maybe it was growing up in the home. It was not the easiest, but you can make a change. You can renounce those things and then make a fresh start. And also, when it comes to when it comes to the past, we looked at it, renouncing the past. Maybe there were relationships in the past. Maybe not just one, but multiple relationships. Maybe emotional relationships. Maybe physical relationships. Now, how do you deal with it? So the preparation time actually is very important. Especially for especially if it's done with counselor who walks everyone through this and we need to understand that or ask ourselves the question, have I truly cut away those ties? Do I still keep in touch? Emotionally, am I still attached? Right? Have I renounced contact? Or am I still carrying some of these things and do I still think or do I still desire? Do I still am I still in touch with such people of the past in my life? So maybe a past relationship like a boyfriend, girlfriend or maybe it was a serious relationship emotionally, physically and then for some reason there was a break up, but then in some form or the other you're still maintaining contact and all that needs to be cut away completely. Because marriage is for two and two people alone. There needs to be repentance, there needs to be renouncing of all that completely surgically in fact and so that you can move forward in your marriage. So married people we need to be careful are we harboring any such even emotional relationships maybe at present in our interactions maybe it could be it could be at our office maybe where you work maybe a place of business even church ministry you need to be careful so we need to cut away put away so that it doesn't affect the health of our marriage okay then last two things is purity when you say purity we're talking about physical intimacy is sexual purity breaking free of all sexual addictions breaking free of all anything that is sexual perversions breaking free of it pornography or masturbation and all that breaking completely free because we see that verse that I just put up on a marriage in God the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex so we see that God is serious and God has designed marriage in such a way that the physical aspect of it is within marriage is not outside of marriage so we look at that and then sexual intimacy it's not outside of marriage but it's in marriage only the Bible is very clear that God is a designer of he's one of the design marriage which means the physical part of marriage aspect of marriage which is sex he designed it but he decided in such a way that the bonds of marriage is in the confines of marriage so it is not outside of marriage it's not premarital or it's not extramarital but it's within marriage itself okay so what about other things like whether it's pregnancy childbirth infertility we need to be prepared for when it comes to children, when it comes to when are you going to have children or if there is a challenge in that area how are you going to address that will you believe God have faith in God for a miraculous intervention or are you going to think of any other methods so talking about all that is very important and not just leaving it, not just brushing it aside these are real things and these are real challenges as well we are going to look at this the physical aspect of marriage a little later okay one last thing christian maturity calling in ministry let me quickly go through this when it comes to spiritual growth do you take responsibility for your own spiritual growth and will you as a spouse contribute to the spiritual growth of your spouse of your companion will you help in any way and how can you do that without controlling, how can you do that without interfering in the spiritual growth being an encouragement husband is the spiritual head of the house so are you taking that place of leadership and how will you steward that so preparing for that maybe you never thought of it that way you never thought that you will be the priest of the house so you think of that and maybe you are saying I will just leave that all to my wife let her take care of it or the wife is saying okay what we need to do with this so we need to understand what is the Lord calling us to how is the Lord calling us to steward spiritual growth in the family when there are children and also when it comes to calling when it comes to the Gods call for us individually and as a couple how are we stewarding that okay we will pick it up in our next class and then we will continue okay so we will stop here and take a break and thank you we will come back for our biblical preaching class God bless see you guys