 The cinematic masterpiece known as Fast X is in theaters. It's been a couple of days. People have watched it, taken it all in, all the intricacies, all the plot details. So, bye. And I'm here to spoil it today, so hop in the car and join me as we talk about Fast X. Let's ride. Let's ride. Try to retain and regurgitate the plot of this two hour and 25 minute magnum opus is going to be a project for me. I'm not looking up anything. This is all coming off the old noggin. I have to say by the end of the film, my brain was pretty much a mush, a paste on the floor that I had to scoop into a bowl and later pour back in through the ear. It was a painful process, but watching the movie kind of can be too. Now I will say, my review of Fast X is out. I didn't really say I don't think whether I loved or hated it, and that's kind of where I stand. I don't love or hate it. I'm indifferent. It's there. I watched it. I had some enjoyment and I don't need to ever think about it again outside of this conversation we're having. I believe the movie starts up with a flashback to Fast V. And I'm not sure if it's new footage or if it's a combination of old and new or what they did, but Brian O'Connor's in the mix. Paul Walker, I don't have anything that we can fictitiously pour when out again for him. It's been a long day without you, my friend. He and Dahmer are doing that big vault heist where they rip the thing out of the wall, drive it down the road, kill a bunch of innocent people. Everybody laughs, high fives, and we make a bunch more of these movies. But what we didn't, or they didn't know at the time, was Dante was there. The son of the man they ripped off and killed. He wants revenge. He wants justice for the unjust stuff they did to him. So he's gonna spend the next four Fast and the Furious movies hatching up a plan that he can unleash in the 10th. And the plan is pain. It's suffering. He wants to bring a hellfire down on these people at all costs. And not only did he prepare a one, two, or three-step plan, he prepared a 55-step plan because he's always way ahead of these car bros. He knows what they're gonna do, which road they're gonna turn down, how they're gonna take out helicopters, and which Hoover Dam they're gonna drive to. I mean, there's only one. Maybe not in the fast world, but he also got his hands on a lot of these magnet bombs he uses. They're straight out of a video game. He'll be on his motorcycle, vroom, cars next to him, and vroom. He pulls out one of these bombs like his Willy E. Coyote. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. Sticks underneath the thing. He looks over. Boom. Vroom, vroom, the car blows up. He's fine, just drives off. Has to make his way up to a hill, though, so that he can do this. Anytime something happens, he's up here. Let's ride. Let's ride. He does the cross pose 15 times in the movie, and that's really the other thing this is about. It's about faith, because these characters have faith. They wear crosses. They have nice family dinners. They pray to their car god above. And if you're like, Dom, you raise your son to be a cold-blooded murder who drives really fast and unhooks bombs so that his uncle can blow people up, killing them, and he can sit and laugh gleefully, thinking, I can't wait till I'm my dad's age, and I've killed over thousands of people. And let's ride. Staying on top of it though, after the Fast Five introduction where we see Dante and how he's very mad. He's a mad guy. We then go, I believe, to a nice little family meal, nice little picnic in the backyard, which is where all these movies begin and end. Every single one of them now. I don't know which one I'm watching based on the family dinner scene. I think Mia was there. Is that how you say her name? Mia or Maya? Brian's wife. Mia's at the family dinner. Brian's not. Guess he wasn't invited. Because they didn't kill him off. To my recollection, he's still on that beach, kind of just wandering around to and fro. Family's having a meal. He's just off yonder. He doesn't want to ever see these people again, apparently. But yeah, they could have at least said Brian's taking a shit inside or something. No, he's just gone. It's been a long day without you, my friend. We then have Roman, Tej, and Ramsay. They're gonna be up to all sorts of shenanigans this whole movie. Ramsay's not only a genius and a smoke show, she's also a car buff now. She's educated herself in between films. She's got knowledge about vehicles. It's kind of cool. I know nothing about vehicles. Clearly, that's why I'm not really like a huge fan of these movies. Don't hate them, just think they're stupid. Tej, or as I will always refer to him, Luda, he is always fighting with Roman. He's always putting him down a peg. And Roman really wants to be the dom now of the franchise in this family. He wants to take the wheel of the car and he wants to see where he can drive it. And he's gonna get that opportunity because when in Roman, you go to Rome and that's where they're headed on their mission impossible. We don't really know why they're going. It doesn't matter because it's a setup by Dante. He puts some of our people in a very precarious situation. They're gonna be driving a giant truck but in the back of it, a giant bomb that can roll and this thing rolls. This thing rolls harder than Fred Durst in a limp biscuit song. I know you've been loving this shit right here. Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Thankfully, Dom and Letty figured things out that this wasn't on the up and up. They head to Rome as well and they knew exactly where to find the team. I don't know how it doesn't matter. They probably have tracking devices where he picked up the phone and called him but they got their lickety split. Letty's on her motorcycle. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she's chasing after this bomb now that's been unleashed, uncaged from its container, rolling down the streets of Rome, breaking shit here and there. Dom, now one with his car, he's a transformer, can just move to the left and the car will flip sideways which he does several times to block explosions from killing people that are eating. Like, how's your steak? Oh, it's a little, oh my God! Bomb. Dominic flips it sideways, takes on the fire and then drives back down. Let's run. Michelle Rodriguez is Letty, unsure how she's gonna stop the bomb, just knows she has to be right next to it on a motorcycle. I guess maybe she thinks she can just grab it and pull it because at this point they're all superheroes, so fuck it. She's driving after it, does my favorite stunt in the movie where there's a little ledge, she has the bunny hop over, goes sideways and back again. It's really cool, I liked it. I think it's CG, either way, it looked good. And I guess that's a testament to the effects in this movie but also not because nothing looks real or seems plausible so everything all has the same kind of cohesive look which is cartoon. This ball never stops rolling, it's the energizer bomb. This scene goes on for a half hour, I swear. It's pretty epic, it's pretty awesome and it's completely nonsensical. Damatello does the thing that we all know to do when there's a bomb rolling towards the Vatican. You look for a makeshift ramp, you jump off of it, spin the car in midair, cold cock the side of a crane that's conveniently set up, spinning that around. It hits the bomb, changes the trajectory, it blows off the bridge into the water, blows up down there which triggers another event which unspools the latch, dropping it down and that's mousetrap. Dante during this whole section had gotten off his bike, climbed the tallest nearby hill and is just doing this because the bomb still blows, baby. And Diesel has to haul ass out of there. Dom, doing what he always does, twist the nose. Cars are flying up. It's like he's out running a tornado. That's right. And thankfully he makes it, the car's still working fine and that's good because we got a lot of movie left. I believe it's around this point where Brie Larson enters the picture along with this total Jim Bro body workout guy. This guy's huge, he's completely unnatural. Absolutely jealous by his physique and how he fits through doorways is unimaginable at this point. They're in clearly a green screen fake room. There's nothing to it, it's pretty much grays and a black floor with some lights, some neon lights are on the side like they're about to stream on Twitch and floating panels everywhere, these TV monitors that I swore was just gonna be used in the trailer, but nope, it's actually in the movie because of course it is. This futuristic room has the crystal ball equivalent of TVs set up. They can go back in time, see what happened in the past. I guess there was footage of all the street racing going on in the first movie of the hijacking and some of them of the surfing on the semi truck in the middle of fucking nowhere. This was all caught on different surveillance drones and cameras, high def too at that, 4K visuals and surround, very impressive stuff. So they know what they're dealing with, they know who they're up against, this crew that Seemian Lee is on the right side of the law now but used to be on the wrong side of the tracks, might have turn coded or maybe they were flipped the whole time, they were using this shadow government known as agency, yep, these are deep films, to just get what they wanted, enrich themselves. It makes sense that Dominus team in their 80s now would keep doing this, just makes sense. Brie Larson's character Tess isn't buying it though, she thinks it's poppy cock, she walks out of the room, she's gonna find Dom, war in him, that now agencies after their ass. This leads to an altercation in a bar where Tess shows her merit, kicks the shit out of a bunch of guys and playfully saunters over them with some beers and hands. She's a girl I can get a drink with, I relate to her. Oh, I almost forgot, during the Rome scene, Leti didn't actually accomplish much of anything but she did get kidnapped and now she's being held in a maximum security prison in Antarctica. Tess shows up, whispers sweet nothings into her ear, gives her some way to get out after stabbing her in the neck. She's like, I got you boo. The reason Tess stabbed her was so that she could go to the medical ward, which is this futuristic place that her and Cypher are currently being held in. Cypher, Charlize Theron, looking great as ever. This is gonna lead to, of course, a one-on-one cat fight, a good old fashioned cat fight. But before we get to that, we have Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. I'm not sure where they're at anymore. They're in England, I think somewhere, Mary Old England, going to a nearby old school computer shop which is actually just the front for weapons. You can get guns, tanks, whatever you need there. This inevitably leads to a dead end after some shenanigans and some comedy takes place. I didn't find it very funny. I just thought it was kind of awkward. But they get out of there and they realize they have to turn to the one guy they really don't want to. And that's Jason Statham's Shaw. Shaw doing his punch and beg routine that for some reason contains a guy inside. That was actually kind of funny as he scampers away in front of them. He's ready for action still. But he has bad blood with Han. So they're gonna fight for a little bit while the idiots outside try to crack a code and get in. Meanwhile, on the other end of the building, agency crashes in, which then starts this whole fight scene, which then leads Shaw to be like, okay, the enemy of my enemy is my friend or some dumb shit. So he gets guns, he gets ready for combat and they're ready to go. But Shaw is actually not going to be in any more of this movie. He's going to drive off into a spin-off film or maybe into the Fast 11 or 12. We'll see him eventually again, maybe for Hobbs and Shaw too. Who knows? Who knows where he's gonna come back. It doesn't matter. None of these people die. And if they do, they don't stay dead. Back at the prison, we have that one-on-one fight we were hoping for. We see these two going at it until inevitably Charlize Theron gets taken down by Letty, who's gonna now escape through this giant, you know, air duct and realize she's in the middle of nowhere. Hop back down and there's Cypher with some clothes for her. Like, yeah, we gotta get a little bit warmer than this. I think I missed another scene earlier. It's actually one of the best action sequences in the film with Cypher. Reminded me of Atomic Blonde. That was a great movie, by the way. Charlize Theron is an awesome action star. She really does fit well in these films, even though she's clearly a far better actress than the rest of them. I'd say the same goes for Brie. But Brie in this movie does feel out of place. Her acting level is a bit too good. When she's communicating with these people, she needs to get dumbed down. She needs to hem it up more. Right now, she's a bit too serious in the role. But anyway, Dante infiltrates her compound, doing one of these, of course, walks in. And then he reveals that he has the upper hand here because all of her men have had their kids or loved ones captured by Dante somehow. Dante has all these different people at his disposal because he blackmails them all. Really this, he's a dumbass version of Joker. He's like Castor Troy from Face Off meets Heath Ledger's Joker. Obviously far closer on the castor side of acting prowess. There's nothing really intimidating about this guy. I suppose if you take anything in these movies to heart or have any stake in them emotionally or otherwise, you'd be like, oh man, this guy is serious. He's joking and is very flamboyant, but he's also up to no good. I just look at him like a cartoon because these movies really are cartoons and you can enjoy them and have fun with them and that's absolutely fair and fine. Sometimes I do too. Fast X is just too long and too stupid, but I still was having some fun with it. So these guys all instantly turn guns on Charlize, Ramsey tips the hat and walks off and then she goes to work on these guys. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Takes out a guy's gun. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. She really is John wicking the shit out of him. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. That's when she shows up at Dom's Place, beaten, battered, and bruised. He wants to kill this bitch, but he sides with her because he realizes there's bigger stakes. This is when he contacts the family and says they need to go to their super secret hideout and the rest of the movie is gonna be about them trying to get to the hideout, but always getting sidetracked because they all have ADD. Like, well, I should go over there, but it was a shiny object that way. It's at this point that his brother, Jacob, spelled J-A-K-O-B because stupid, shows up at the house to save Diesel's family. He's gonna get the kid out of there. They're gonna go into Mad Max World, where they're gonna be chased by a bunch more agency people after this, I'm sorry. This movie is so all over the place. There's no way I can keep heads or tails of any of it. Before they get to Mad Max World, they have to go to a gas station, get some new clothes, and then they're gonna hop aboard a plane while carrying a secret plane in there. I don't know how it got by the metal detector. I don't know the logistics of any of it. These movies are so dumb that the dumbness really elevates to a point where you can't even dissect it or break down everything because it's already starting at such a stupid place that it just keeps getting more asinine. There's just no reason to even try and figure this out. Like, how did they get in there? How did they travel from Rome to the States in like three hours? Why are people showing up here? How do they find each other? How did they get this plane on? It doesn't matter. It's all complete nonsense. Once it's revealed they're on the run inside this plane, they then build the makeshift plane, drop out of it, and head on over to wherever the hell they're going. Meanwhile, Dom is street racing again. He went somewhere to do something for some reason. I don't remember. I don't care, but you know who does remember? You know who does care? Dante. Dante's there. He knew that's where Dominic would be. So they have a street race that ends in Kablooey because again, he's like one of the villains from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle show. And he throws one of those bombs and kills a friend of Dom's. Sacrifices who I think is supposed to be the daughter or sister or something of Gal Gadot. I missed fast whatever she was in. I don't even know which one she was in and died. Was it one of the early ones? They're so forgettable to me. And they all mix together that I just don't remember her being in them, but they always say Gal Gadot's coming back. I'm like, was she in these? I just truly don't remember. Was it fast seven or six? Who cares? I think that's, she's related to her. And Dom looks, there's like, I recognized you right away. You got her eyes. I must have your eyes. Give me your eyes. And he rips her eyes out. No! That's how he keeps sustaining his life. Okay, maybe that's not what happens. Let's ride! Dom says goodbye to her, but before he does, she's like, I'll see you in a future movie. I'm part of this now, or maybe a Fast and the Furious TV show, which will inevitably happen. This will never end. It will just go on until the humans are killed off by our own hands. At the hands of Fast and the Furious. All right, at some point, Dom meets up with his brother, Jake Cub, and his son, his little Dom Cub. And they're on the highway. And this is where things just go freaking insane. Brie Larson's character shows up. Dante's there. How do you like me now? Dom lifts a fucking car. The door comes off. Uses it as a shield. Family! Family! Family! Family! Brie Larson's character test is shot. She's not gonna die. She's gonna be back for a future ride film. She heads off, though, for this movie. She's done. Dante's like, I'll get you next time. Let's ride. Gets in a chopper. Pfft. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wipe out. So Jacob and his son are being pursued. Dom is driving after him. He's like, I gotta catch up. How do I catch up to them? Oh, yeah. Turns the nose. Drives over the side of a road onto another road. Helicopter's spear hook them. Choo-ching! Ugh! Choo-ching! Choo-choo! Wait! I'll do the nose again. Does the nose. Pulls the helicopter's in. Jacob has Dom's son still in the passenger seat. He's like, don't worry, Dom. I got your son. I'll guard him with my life. Nothing will happen to him. You can trust me on this. Hey, Dom. Dante just stole your son. Yeah, yeah, I know. Crazy. Right out of the car. Just pulled him right out of the window. It's wild. I don't know what I was thinking on that. So the son's now with Dante. Dom has to get him back. I genuinely don't remember how he does. Truly don't remember how Dante gets taken out here and Dom gets the son back. Somehow Dom does get his son back. Oh, I think he jumps from one car to the other. These cars are going 90 miles an hour at least. And the son just jumps. And Dom's like, come on. Let's ride. Then Dom veers off course, ends up on the Hoover Dam somehow. And there's two semis already there waiting for him. And Dante's again back on a giant hill. That's all he does is stand on hills and he has a remote control thing. And the semis are, he can control the semis. Let's see if you can get out of this one, Dom. I'm acting. The semis start going and closing in on Dom. Dom's like, what do I do now? Oh yeah, the Nos. The thing that gets me out of literally every situation ever. Girlfriend's gonna break up with me. Nos. I wanna get out of this parking ticket. Nos. I wanna get rid of Dwayne Johnson because he's more popular and cooler than I am. Nos. So he uses the Nos, believe it or not. They blow off the side of the Hoover Dam. They start going down the thing and they know they're not gonna make it. This explosion is coming right behind them. But Dom's like now completely fused with this car. He puts even more Nos in. The camera does the thing he did from the old school Fast and the Furious movies. It goes inside the muffler and through the engine. And the car goes super saiyan. I shit you not. This thing's like. Dom goes supersonic the hedgehog, flies up this ramp while the explosion's encapsulating them. They go underwater, hit a rock, and then they just swim out. It's fucking nuts. The whole thing's nuts. But it doesn't end there. He looks up and there's Dante. You think it was gonna be that easy? I planned this all out. I knew that you were gonna do every single thing you did which led you here. And oopsie. Click, click. He reveals that he has more of those pinky and the brain bombs hooked to every single pillar of the dam. He's like, it's showtime. Whoa, it's showtime. Sorry Dom, you're not getting out of this one. I love surprises. We cut away and the final shot to my recollection is Letty and Cypher staring off into the cold wasteland of Antarctica before a submarine comes out. Yes, of course it does. And who comes out of it? Peek-a-boo. Wonder Woman's back, Gal Gadot who's been teased for several movies finally makes her triumphant return. Let's ride. Let's ride. But not only do we have Wonder Woman, we have the man that myth the legend himself, DCU's Black Adam. In our teaser credit scene, it's revealed that Dante's not only going after Dom for some reason ignoring Brian but he's also after the man himself who's now back in action. They must have settled their beef off camera, him and Dom, him and Diesel. And so yeah, we have a full family again guys. We're eating good. That dinner table's gonna have to get expanded. And so does this movie franchise. We have two more on the way. This set up a huge cliffhanger, Deathly Hollow style. Now Dante has the elder wand known as Dom under his control. He's gonna blow this thing up and kill him or is Dom gonna be able to get out because he realized, oh yeah, my car also works underwater and he's just gonna drive inside the body of a shark and let the shark swim him to freedom. Sadly, I could see it happening. These movies have become parodies, cartoon characters and people seem to like them. They're fine. They're so stupid. I mean they really are. They're a dumb man's mission impossible and that's fine. That's okay. This one was far more enjoyable than the last one. I thought nine was just miserable from beginning to end. The set pieces were okay, but it was so bad setting everything up and getting from point to point. This one still makes no sense. The actors seem very checked out for the most part. They really are just there to look kind of cool, which I'm not so sure Diesel does anymore, but they continue to make tons of money and people seem to like them. So there you go. My spoiler review of Fast X. Did I miss something? I absolutely did. But I think I pin pointed the big things in the film. Let me know if I'm wrong. Like this video if you had a good time. Subscribe if you haven't as I post tons of movie reviews, critiques, rants, reactions. Every single week on the channel gotta have you stick around. If you've been here, there's a notification bell. Hit it so these continue to populate in your feed. Otherwise YouTube hides them from you. It's like a secret. You're subscribed, but you're kinda not. And I would really appreciate it if you head on over to Patreon at patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies, throw a dollar to my way a month. Say Adam, I love your content. You give me hours of entertainment every week. Here's $1 a month to show my support. Or five or 30. There's a lot of different tiers. There's a lot of different perks that come with them. You can also become a member right here on YouTube. So plenty of ways to show your support and I would appreciate it. Take care.