 that's a cheap laugh. And welcome to The Fix, the only show that unites the hard right and the soft left in unanimous scorn. As ever, we'll be covering some of the news stories that have caught our beady collective eye over the last couple of days and seeing as it's Valentine's Day in a couple of days, I'm joined by Navarro Media romance correspondent Joanna Romero to talk about love, sex and the radical potential of neither. And just like we did a couple of weeks ago, we are going to be running and ask me anything. So get stuck into the comments, ask us questions about romance, about sex, present us with your troubles and let us answer your queries with all the sensitivity that Navarro Media is famous for. A wealth of experience really. On your side, I'm a nun. So Joanna, why don't you kick us off? What new story has caught your eye? Well, this is perhaps not very romantic, Ash, but it certainly has created some meltdowns on Twitter over the last 24 hours after it came to the fore that attendees to the upcoming Young Labour Equalities Conference, what a mouthful, must be not only under the age of 27, Young Labour, but exclusively from minority groups, which is to say that only women, black and Asian and other minority ethnic, LGBT and disabled people can attend. Now, because among other things, these people are electing their representatives, the voices to be for the coming year to help organize their identity-based sort of events. It seems to be that a lot of the alt-right has felt a bit in conservative opinions have felt very offended by this. So, cue a series of, as said, conservative alt-right and just generic members of the white straight male defense league coming onto social media. And, I mean, we had conservative MP James Cleverly suggesting that at a conference specifically focusing on electing and representatives of oppressed groups, you can't be a straight white man and be passionate about diversity, whatever that's supposed to mean, as long as you're in the Labour Party, it seems, or right-barred assistant editor and chief troll Jack Montgomery tweeting the Met Police and the Equality and Human Rights Commission on whether it was lawful to excluding or of excluding straight white men from these events. Now, honestly, Ash, I have to ask you to explain this kind of outreach to me because, I mean, I just feel like we went into a vortex and the alt-right is a little bit sudden, even more idiotic than I thought they were, so... I mean, this is a safe space for straight white men. We are joined by Captain Jean-Luc Picard and we hold him in great esteem here, so this is a safe space. I mean, look, another day, another indignity for the straight white man. And I know that I've covered this extensively before when Ben Bradley MP, the other Tory eugenicist, got a bee in his bonnet about the West Midlands Labour Conference, which offered a discounted rate for Black and Asian minority ethnic attendees. But I think that this is worth thinking about carefully because pushing a culture wars narrative that the left is intent on demonizing straight white men is becoming more and more central to conservative communication strategy. And let's be real, they're leaning hardest on the white bit of that formulation. They don't really care about the straight or the male so much because I've yet to see them kick off about the existence of gay bars or the women's institute or the Tory's own women-to-win schemes. The real beef is the idea that white people might not be welcome in all spaces. And this next bit is just for the white people now, so viewers of colour go make a cuppa or listen to D'Angelo. I understand the pushback. I understand that lots of white people feel annoyed by the idea that they benefit somehow from their whiteness or that the presence of white people automatically means the presence of racism. I really understand that. But with all love and all kindness, this really isn't about you. Look, literally half of my family are white, ditto my circle of friends and roughly the same proportion of the Navarra media crew, and I still need spaces which are just people of colour to talk about what it's like to live under racism and for us to make decisions about ourselves without having to do a class in fuckries 101. And it doesn't matter how woke a white person is on race, developing a friendship or a relationship of any kind where one person experiences an oppression on the basis of their identity and the other person doesn't, it's always a journey. There's conflict, there's misunderstandings and there's sometimes even despair. And that process is definitely worth it and personally it's brought a lot of joy into my life but it is work. When I got strip searched at an airport and my white friends didn't, explaining how that made me feel and the reasons behind what went down was work. Or when I'm with my white stepdad and I can detect hostility and he thinks that everything's just fine, that's work. Or when I was with an ex-boyfriend whose mates made racist comments and he found it funny or just silly explaining that I wasn't going to put up with that was work. And doing that all the time is exhausting and sometimes as people of colour we just want a base level of understanding from the get-go. We don't always want to do all that talking and take all the time to make ourselves legible to white people. Sometimes our priority isn't to be understood by you, it's to understand ourselves. And if you're truly not a racist, which is what 99.9% of white people say about themselves, then you'll be down with giving us just that little bit of space without any drama. Sounds so simple. Sounds so obvious. I mean why do you think that the Tories are going so hard on these quite, I mean no offence, piddly little conferences that previously people wouldn't really care about? I mean I don't know what you think about it but I suspect that there is a serious fear now that you know people are a bit more in tuned with the fact that there is oppression going on, surprise, surprise, you know some people don't have all the privilege, you know, some people do and then the rest of us don't. And perhaps this is their last resort, you know, their sort of last cry to curb. I mean do you think it's because they've lost the economic arguments, they're having to make these culture wars ones? Yeah, I mean I personally can't see why else they would really cling at straws at this point and have a go at young labour equality's conference. I mean then you saw it across the media as well, you know it's not just people on Twitter I think it should be said. The Times picked it up and ran with it. Evening Standard did as well, Big Peace as well and so on and so forth. So I just, you know, it boggles the mind. How effective do you think it's going to be? I suspect it won't be very effective because it's such a ridiculous argument. I mean as you pointed out just now there are so many forms in which we keep it as a safe space to a certain identity while all of a sudden a equality's conference should be the bastion for, you know, all access to everyone including the incredibly privileged white straight male and probably I suspect from a lot of certainly from the conservative tweets these are upper middle class white straight male as well. I think James Tevely must be said. Fine. He has no excuse, he's just an idiot. But yeah, so that's true, yeah. I perhaps doesn't fit the whole view. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like so shocked with Times with these things because it's nobody would say particularly if you find yourself and you point out this question around race, you know, I think it's predominant here because again if this was a women's only space nobody would probably have flinched on it and all of a sudden they're making a big issue about white men cannot be included in a discussion around diversity. I mean the thing is no one's saying that they can't it's just that this one space isn't for you. I mean there are all manner of events and panels and films and documentaries and books and reading lists that white people can access to learn about racism. This is just one conference. One conference. I mean it's also so facetious in the sense that you know like white men can be gay as you went out, can be disabled. I mean there's so many you know can be trans there's so many elements of that in which it's not necessarily white males barred at the door. So yeah it's just it clearly is a conference that probably it only excludes those who ultimately speak every single day above every other voice and so so that the you know there's a bit of silence from that corner of the room. Well tell you what there is a reason to be cheerful. There is. Because actually it's all going to be fine because last week a discovery was made that has meant that racism is ended forever. Can we roll the clip? This is what people look like in Western Europe and Britain 10,000 years ago. Not what we would have expected. So a team mapping ancient DNA at the Natural History Museum presented evidence that the Cheddar Man, a 10,000 year old mummified boatwalk skeleton, the remains of one of the first settlers of Britain. Whereas I always thought that Cheddar Man always sounded a bit like your weed plug but okay. Had dark to black skin, black curly hair and blue eyes rather than fair skin and light hair. That's you know for the most part been assumed in scientific circles up till now. So Joe talk me through some of the reactions to this. It's interesting because it's kind of connected to what we're talking before in terms of race for sure because I think the first thing we can take away from this is that the Cheddar Man has until now been depicted as this sort of white bearded rather scruffy looking dude. Jeremy Corbyn? Well clearly not. Jeremy Corbyn is not our forefather it turns out. Shocker. Just our political father. Great guidance. Basically this whole story is more of an indicative of the way in which British identity is really constructed on sort of you know a rhetoric around whiteness rather than actual scientific fact you know if we've been thinking about the Cheddar Man up until this point till the N.A. had to be traced as a white dude. Why is that? And it said like you know people I suspect I'm no scientist but I suspect that so far I guess I mean I am a political scientist journalist. That's not real science. Anyway yeah no no not according to most. Anyway the point is that I think people have been thinking of the Cheddar Man as this white dude because of British chauvinism you know it tells Britain what they should be. White constantly all the time. And for a country in which the rhetoric is and this question of like British values and you know what being British is so often even if unspokenly linked to whiteness and indeed to white supremacy this is one of those like hilarious and delicious plot twists you know you can see the BNP members crawling around their houses in you know raging. So what have these reactions been like? Well I think the first reaction that we've seen is really a question of just proof that the British society is still incredibly racist sorry. And you know there's there's more subtle comments from Piers Morgan making these connections between Lord Sugar, Stan and and the Cheddar Man's obviously darker skin but then you have like full blown racism like I think there's someone blocked of Twitter after photoshopping a picture of the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle engagement pictures yeah replacing Meghan Markle a mixed race American with an image of the reconstructed Cheddar Man. So you know that's been that sort of full blown in your face horrendousness. And if you're asking me whether racism is yet dead and buried I'm sorry to like ruin a few guys but I don't think so. No shit. And you know and actually the silver lining in a sense although this might sound like a bit naff. I mean there's definitely a reason to celebrate this discovery because in a time in which anti-immigrant sentiment and again white supremacist rhetoric has been seemingly increasing all the time certainly on you know national media there's been a lot of people giving spaces to very very horrendous opinions. The Cheddar Man. Not just Navarro not just Navarro media for sure definitely not Navarro media come on we're great. Anyway it just kind of comes to prove Cheddar Man just comes to prove once again that actually this country is based on diversity on the work of people who are not white who have traveled around and you know much like any other country you know the people actually made it and you know the reason why we're here is because of people who are not necessarily the ones that are represented or representative of our you know leadership structures or mainstream media and so forth so you know dark-skinned blue-eyed blue-eyed ancestors I mean like. I mean you know what because there are enough South Asians from where I grew up who are like putting context on the right to look just like Cheddar Man. Basically just want to be the you know the original British exactly exactly I mean so here's the interesting thing right so Cheddar Man is an ancestor for one in ten white Britons in this country and what does this tell us I don't why do you still turn so badly I mean why well not me no but I mean these these white people going on about you know like how how can it be that the original Britain is a is a black man I mean the thing is and I think that even the terminology that we use is out of date right because what this shows us is that race as a socially constructed technology of governance where we assign cultural meaning and group belonging to phenotypic indicators like skin color, hair color, hair texture, eye color is relatively modern it's relatively new so this is the you know the stuff of centuries rather than millennia and to be honest we didn't have to go as far back as the Cheddar Man. I love saying Cheddar Man so much like sounds like my future husband like a man made of Cheddar. Call me Boo. The great thing we don't have to go as far back as Cheddar Man so have you heard of Septimius Severus before yeah so he was a Roman emperor who was just bopsing about Hadrian's wall back around second century AD and who was born in North Africa the images of him showing with you know dark somewhat curly hair so you know we don't know what he'd look like if he'd looked like someone we would now label as black or if he'd looked maybe more like you know Margrebi or something but it just shows us that this link of phenotype to power position relatively new and me and Karemnizhen Jolu discussed this on the invention of whiteness it's a Navarra FM podcast that we did a couple of years ago and to be quite honest with you it's one of the pieces of work for Navarra that I'm proudest of and what we do is we sort of trace the beginnings of how people come to think of culture as being hereditary transmitted and it becomes this taxonomy of race right back to the kind of you know 15th century we look at Ottoman expansion we look at the transatlantic slave trade we look at the Spanish conquest of the Americas and we also look at a bit earlier than that the expulsion of the Jews the expulsion of the Mariscos and we look at the free conquest of Al-Andalus so if you're interested in how race becomes socially constructed which isn't the same as not real has very real social effects listen to this podcast I was just going to ask I mean ultimately doesn't this just prove again that white identity is premised very much on whitewashing a series of really important characters I mean you could even talk about Jesus Christ at this point part fiction part real whatever but 100% Palestinian but exactly you know or you know St. George and so on so forth I mean all these characters that clearly were not necessarily the blonde blue-eyed white men literally white knights and then who just been appropriated literally I mean those things that whiteness has to be read retrospectively back on to history right so if we think about it as the product of a particular historical time period you have to read it back and I think what the Chetaman discovery does do and I think that this is something which I don't think necessarily means that race relations if you can say that the race relations in this country necessarily changes that much but it shifts our idea of what the universal backdrop is right because even in 2017 2018 we're thinking that whiteness is the universal backdrop and then anything else is a deviance from that whereas this is just completely inverted that in a way that I think is quite interesting so we are about to go to a little break and when we come back you better have loads of really uncomfortable questions for us because otherwise we're just going to be talking about our own sex lives and that's even worse so see you right back over the last 10 years things have really changed but for all the darkness every cause has an effect for all the talk of change the present moment is really one of crisis a crisis of democratic representation of identity a climate crisis of a failing economic model which isn't working for most people we can't have a media that's beholden to advertisers or the political ambitions of oligarchs which is why in 2013 we founded navara media unlike corporate media we are funded by our subscribers there's no tax avoiders there's no oil money and there's no lords what we're creating is media for you which quite simply you make possible looking to race 40 000 pounds that will allow us to not only keep on paying our contributors but give them a little bit more as well as keep our studio and take our fantastic navara events nationwide to help us get there go to support dot navara media dot com and give a one-off donation or even better sign up for a subscription we've already achieved so much but the truth is we've barely started okay so now that valentine's day that delight of social constructed climates of romance is just around the corner um i thought we needed to say something about it on avara i mean come on we just had you and aran bistani talking about dating tips just the other day so this is the week to do it really come on um but i personally actually hate the damn thing i write about sex all the time and i'm happy to talk about my sex life uh but i hate valentine's day with a vengeance because invariably i mean i'm horrible romantic and invariably every single valentine's day there i am waiting for my valentine's card nothing comes no flowers or nothing it's so sad anyway so the way i've found uh to circumvent that is to actually talk about the last remaining bastion of subversiveness when it comes to dating which is sex really effectively and even that has been very often co-opted by um capitalist system uh and you know what's most shocking at it's recently i've been writing an article for an avara which should be dropping on the website any minute now and uh and i explore the fact that i've realized recently that no matter where if you're a woman no matter where you turn in terms of your sex life you're uh you're uh screwed over and by by the system which means that on the one hand you're told constantly that you're meant to be this virginal you know sort of Madonna type if you want to use the the old Freudian trope of the Madonna versus the whore um on the other if you know if you're really being encouraged by uh western media and if you're in charge of your sexuality more often than not you are depicted and you engage with other people in their sexuality not just self-love um you're sort of encouraged to be a bit of a man-eater and the problem with that whilst it gives you or you as a woman or any woman a bit more space um and it uh avoids a prudish moors that our society still sort of applies on to us all the time it kind of ends up mimicking a lot of that you know capitalist accumulation and and commodity fetishization you're effectively accumulating dick um so at least that's how i feel uh so so yeah so it's this sort of horrendous uh a discovery really for me that no matter where i turn as a woman my sexuality or my sex life is fucked up by capitalism and co-opted and restricted and construed um and so there's really only one way to escape it which is to burn it with fire abolish capitalism once and for all and the patriarchy as an artifact of capitalism on that so that's why that's why i escape and that's the date activity to burn it all down and abolish capitalism but you know you mentioned um being prudish and repressed i think our view is a bit prudish and repressed because we've only had one question so far so get on it send them in i want to know your business and tell you what well we kill a little bit of time i'm gonna be a little bit sincere for a minute if i can be a bit sincere for a minute go for it so i gather around the hearth children because this doesn't happen very often because when you're not in a relationship valentine's day can feel very bleak it can feel very alienating and it's difficult but romance is not the be all and the end all of love and i like to think of love as the modality in which solidarity is lived there's a terrific love poem by assata chicour who writes that love is contraband in hell because love is an acid that eats away bars and this wasn't just an artful metaphor for her when she and her family were being surveilled harassed or having the breaks of their car cut or threatening letters sent by law enforcement she wrote that their attempts to destroy family unity to make people afraid to even have a relationship with her didn't work she wrote we survived it we resisted together we struggled together and that has made us all of us much more serious about who we are and about our love for each other and i think when you stop a charter flight from taking off and deporting asylum seekers that's love when you protest against deaths in police custody that's love joining a picket line is love canvassing your neighborhood is love and any act of resistance where you choose not to hate those who the far right tell you to hate is love and in a much less lofty sense it's okay to feel nervous about being single as well loneliness is as much a part of the human condition as love is and it's only through being honest with yourself that it's possible to find any kind of comfort but really confronting your fear of being alone is one of the best things you can do i think especially if you're a woman independence i wouldn't give it up even for antony joshua now and i think as women we're so used to pouring in love and time into a romantic relationship or the possibility of one and you can risk losing yourself and i know that i did and so i guess what i'm saying is that with or without a partner you are enough whatever you're feeling that's cool go for dinner with your honey stay at home have a wank smoke a spliff or go out and get wavy with the mandem it's all good at the end of the day it's just Wednesday happy valentine's day scumbags i think i'm gonna cry a little bit that was beautiful that was the most beautiful i mean like just i do weddings bar mitzvahs wakes if you need a bit of speechifying i'm not sure how many questions we've got we definitely have um one oh okay all right go on hit me so we've got uh from mark richardson i'm terrible with people and can't get a date well mark what can we advise them to the camera right so i don't know what could be terrible with people mean well yeah precisely it depends like are you terrible with people that you feel shy or are you terrible with people that i don't know you piss on their leg when you see them like straight away because then don't do that that's um off the ding um i mean some people might be into that though you don't you have to shame me now you would have to ask you know i'm really bad for kink shaming but they can't get a date how do you ask people on dates mark i mean we need more information here to be able to advise you is this the question of like not knowing what kind of icebreaker to use uh okay what good icebreakers well you know what like god i can't believe i'm actually giving this sort of advice i mean i tend to do things like good when i when it's at the bar like old school time which rarely happens nowadays really um ask someone uh for a drink i saw this from a horrendous uh confession here i actually read about this by some sort of i know self-help advisor when it comes to romance was it jordan pete is it no it's matthew hussey i think anyway um and he's suggesting i try this on actually works so um you talk to someone at the bar when you first go to get a drink that you fancy if you fancy them and then you kind of leave it at that and then at the end of the evening or whatever you go back to it and it kind of feels like you've built a report because it wasn't right straight in your face and to be fair if you're in a straight dynamic and you're a man and you want to approach a woman without getting her to run for the hills because to be honest that's very often the reaction i have when any man approaches me in a situation that is already you know sensorially overwhelming as a pub or club or something it's actually a really easy approach to to talk to someone very briefly at the beginning and then maybe at the end and remember if she still leaves it's not you it's just she's not interested and you should definitely not insist you know what you know what i think um is helpful advice maybe i'm not sure is what i find really really attractive like as a quality and i know it when i see it even though it can manifest itself in different ways in different guys is money oh no not just money um when when a man is honesty i like it as well as money is um when a man is really like settled and secure in himself so sometimes that can manifest in a guy sometimes being a bit reserved because he doesn't feel that he has to like dominate every space or sometimes they can be really enthusiastic but i think people can detect in authenticity straight away so mark if you feel that you're terrible with people and that means that you feel you're just like going through personas like it's i don't know a deck of cards or something stop doing that like have a real careful think about the kind of person you are and just let it out and people will see it and they'll appreciate that people really like a sense of solidness in who you are and failing that get rich yeah i can't argue with the rich one kind of helps i'm reaching reaching 30 and suddenly realizing that a bit of cash is helpful mark says that he doesn't piss on people's legs which is great oh from francis smith oh go on this one for you for me it's Joanna free on valentine's day oh goodness uh i i'm actually not sorry sorry i'm not but that said it's the sort of gallantines thing that i'm doing so francis is a man or a woman i can't uh it's francis with an i so i think i think francis is a man um so sorry you're not another another exclusive realm safe space just for women i'm so busy oh okay catarina anis i've just found out that the guy i like is an evangelical christian should i avoid like the plague even though he is otherwise woke and i've already named our future children what would you do i i have an interesting experience this summer i met a man who was very good looking uh marvelous kisser and um but he was a big catholic uh so he had reincarnated like like close to it except that he was like woke in a sense that he also didn't want to ascribe a gender to god so god could be a woman i i don't want to out him too much here but anyway and i thought you know what i was raised a catholic and i i flooded like the plague so more often than not my knee jerk reaction is uh this man is a christian of some description i'm not into that i've had enough of that for 15 years in my life um but i thought you know what he seems really cool um and he's so good looking i'm gonna give it a one spin um and then i never did because turns out that his religiousness really impinged on his views on me and my open sexuality uh and how of an emancipated woman i am and uh and so it ended up actually ruining things quite a lot so so set out catarina first uh maybe uh maybe your bae is great um but it might happen that his religious views end up tinging a lot of his other views um and you know what you know what i think if you've already picked out some children's names then there's a shame to put them to waste so what you say to your man catarina is you go in the name of the father the son and the holy spirit i beseech you leave your genetic material on the table and go and then you tell him to go yeah i mean if he's very good looking for sure for sure i mean you know what it's i'm still really in the fact that i didn't give them an a spin at the end to be fair so a spin yeah like i wanted to you know try it out a spin like when we were kissing how does one spin i know what i mean i'm using the euphemism oh okay so there's no actual spinning involved well that might be can that be it could be anyway the point i was making is that like you know when we're making out i could feel things and i'm like i really want to try this out and then i never did so so definitely catarina give it a go if you feel like it's worth it you know what i've actually um when i've like met guys who are much better muslims than me because i'm a really really terrible muslim is that i've sometimes felt like you know what i'm gonna leave this one for a la like i don't want to corrupt you so i'm just gonna leave you in the arms of god where i found you and hopefully that will be enough to get me into heaven when you know there's someone with like a checklist of all the bad things i've done you're checking all the bases i mean there might be god there might not be a god but in any case you're you know i mean i i'm almost certain that there is a god because one time um i found a 20 pound note on the floor ooh another question we've got two questions okay tell us we've got one which is a very specific one lauren crawford there's someone i fancy at my local momentum group all they ever want to do is talk about the labor party dot dot dot i like that i love political pillow talk um i mean i kind of there's only so much labor party talk that i can handle whether in navara or on a date so if basically you want to move things on to um like more productive territory than the labor party which is basically like are you gonna bang though you can just ask are you gonna bang though all what you can do is i'm all about plausible deniable dates like plausibly deniable dates so i'm like oh yo do you want to come do this thing and it's like an activity yeah but it's not like oh let's like canvas or like whatever it's like it's kind of fun but related to the activity that you're already doing socials momentum social no don't go to momentum social i mean like go to an exhibition or something i've done it it worked for me everything works for you it's not true i'm still single which which actually got to dig through what you were saying before just like i should not define myself on my relationship someone asked you out on this i know i'm sorry francis i'm so sorry anyway i just think like take him on like a plausibly deniable date exhibitions are really good and then you go for a drink afterwards and then you just see how it goes and then when it gets so like you know closing time or something then you're like are we gonna bang and then if he's like uh no you're like oh obviously i was joking and then if he's like oh we could bang then you'd be like yeah we bang i see that's another tip i have i do that often i go on a date or a semi date whatever and then if nothing happens because for some reason i couldn't get there but i felt there was still potential i text them afterwards going oh it's such a shame i thought we're gonna kiss and then if they say uh no i didn't get them i was like i'm so tipsy uh and then one from james hardy have either of you ever seen aron bastani in the buff um he's like my big brother so when he was skinny dipping on brighton beach it was intensely traumatic for me and i wiped it from my memory um okay what have we got here we've got from the fixer's own michael walker best app to find a valentine's date question mark our shout outs for partners on twitter socially acceptable best app to find a valentine's date i reckon go for twitter actually michael i always say no to people ask me out on twitter no you've got to do um what you've got to do is like a little bit of banter and then what then the key to get someone to do a dm slide i've worked this out yeah is um you trail off on the like verbal banter and you just do a gif so the flirty one where reanna is like failing to wink that's like really good and then someone jumps in your dms and then michael i'm sure you can take up from there our shout outs for a partner on twitter socially acceptable um no not specific ones where it's like i am lonely and my ankles are behind my ears um that's probably a bit too much but if you're like oh what what people say in tonight also like plausible deniability again key also like you know like a low-key uh thirst trap is always welcome i mean it's part and parcel of being a millennial no a low-key thirst trap yeah like a high-key thirst trap you do when you do a good ones as well but then the thing is that i don't do anything as someone slides into my dms and then like i'm too afraid um we've got one from hannah shake men keep dumping me because i am spooky what's a girl to do girlfriend you're not spooky you're just being a strong woman i'm sure like men bail all the freaking time well it depends like maybe she's got like a mouth full of pigeons blood or something which is cool where do you get these ideas from ash she said she used the word spooky well spooky could be just like you know her being really real i get dumped all the time by men who just can't handle how you know fierce and outspoken i am and how many other dicks i've seen before them to be fair and i'm okay with that you know what i get dumped when men realise that their wallet's missing i've never tried that i should really start as well i'm broke i'm like this dominoes ain't paying for itself yeah like i'm a freelance writer now i really need to start stealing some men's wallets but you know what hannah hannah i reckon you just go out with a man who's just as spooky as you because look if you're if you're basically a warlock my love why are you going out with man who looks like abacrombie and fit your model if you don't need that find someone as spooky as you there's actually oh my god a friend of mine went home with a guy because she's like a bit gothy and she's very sweet looking she's like a bit gothy she went home with a guy and it turned out that he lived like above a morgue and she was quite into it yeah yeah would you be into that i i personally i don't know if i would or not although i do like it's a bit of spook on the side but i i do know someone who was caught um having sex in a graveyard yeah because uh their partner had a heart attack a bit older and she had to call an ambulance this is this is back in the back in the homeland back in portugal of course of course and it was a small village as well so apparently it became a big deal um those are two good stories oh i have loads of these yeah and i i'm only ashamed that it didn't happen to me like why is it not me have you ever injured anyone during sex uh i've injured myself once i've also gone for an injured anyway but a keen trooper i am uh i don't know if i've ever injured anyone uh i'm sure at once like elbowed or something or need someone in the midst of passion but that was as bad as it got um yeah i hate i um i elbowed someone in the nose and i i bet you were hoping that i would say like oh i broke their dick one day yeah i want to hear something like really salty i haven't heard any really good injury stories actually no i had another friend this is one of the school she broke her collarbone um when she lost her virginity because like you know they're trying to move and then she fell off her collarbone okay so like where was he doing it that the collarbone was okay they fell off the bed they fell off the bed um but it healed and it didn't put her off for life um we have another query uh oh from Gary McQuiggan elbows are sexy he's our videographer so you know you didn't have to send me that bro um Emma Wery my friend is obsessed with a guy but i think he might be a Scientologist how can i get her out no that's definitely like no that's okay no but she needs the concrete advice how does she get her friend out of it i mean what is the friend seeing in the Scientologist what is the attraction again is it because like he has an amazing booty or or is it because of his views there's always a better booty there's always a better that's absolutely true i agree but emma you go for a two pronged attack my friend what you do is prong number one you don't slag off this guy at all definitely because that's just going to drive her closer towards him you're just like oh my god i'm really excited for you he sounds really great and healthy and not spooky at all da da da right so you take out any elements of like drama or forbidden whatever and then you locate a more intriguing better hung better bootied man and you just you move them into the same room and you shut the door yeah that sounds like a task and a half that's how i get my friends over someone that i don't like did that work it always works why don't you find me someone you know what i have a hundred percent success rate i serve two of my friends and now they're married i set up another two of my friends oh no i introduced them i'm taking too much credit this is an advertisement for ash sarkar's uh you know and like they live together they've been together for five years so i've got a hundred percent success rate don't start a business girlfriend honestly i'm terrible at it i'm your type my type uh bearded intellectual scruffy i mean like i'll show you i have a collage of all the men i slept with if you're in it um oh uh chris skein how do i how do i meet girls who are into fully automated luxury communism well that one's easy chris you come to any one of navara media's events but also don't act up and be a creep because then we'll kick you out come be respectful do you those moves that giana was telling you about and then you'll meet some nice girls be chill falk but um don't be a creep about it yeah was i helpful be chill i think actually on that note like i think for people who feel that you know i'm not meeting the right person and all the people i meet are wrong like just go to the things you like and meet people like the same things more often than not that's how it works really well but you know what i don't even do that i go to cool things i meet nice people and then i don't sleep with any of them um and that my friends is the source of all my power but i'm afraid we're running out of time before i can go into the virtues of living like a nun we will be here same time same place but next week um we've been the fix and you've been excellent bye bye