 So something's been on my mind lately that I wanted to explore today for our group And that is why do women initiate most of the divorces? I believe something like two-thirds maybe even 70% are initiated by women. So why does that happen? I think for a lot of people when they're younger They merge lives together because they're amped up on lust and limerence Maybe they met when they were teenagers. Maybe they met in college. Maybe they met a little bit older in life And they were following a certain programming Go to job or get go to school get a job meet someone get married by a house start a family following this programming at least that was the programming I had as a baby boomer and I followed that exactly the way I was supposed to and I chose someone who I thought I was in love with I Really didn't know what love was. I didn't know what commitment was. I didn't know what marriage was I didn't know what it means really what it meant to be a husband Didn't know it. I mean I kind of saw my parents. I Saw some of the dysfunctionality in my parents. I Didn't really know I followed programming and that programming was to Be a provider be a protector So I wasn't a really good husband. I think that happens frequently and Women don't feel fulfilled in the relationship by the man Now for some women, they're happy that they're being taken care of and they accommodate a lot of things But ultimately the intimacy starts to break apart When I mean it starts to break apart as people go into their corners the man's doing the job thing The wife is doing the motherly thing And after a while, there's no real love between two people And I believe women deepen their hearts your yearn for that heart connection more so than men I'm not suggesting that men don't yearn the heart connection But I really believe women yearn for it more and because of that Because the love between the two people I've dissipated There's an unfulfillment going on and they probably that could be the primary reason why they initiate divorces now Certainly, there are men who go out and have physical affairs and there are people that have Abuse issues and things like that, but I'm just saying for the garden variety couple Why does that happen? Why does that have to happen? Why does the love have to die between two people and why is it the women and this is just a This is just my hypothesis. I'm not suggesting that this is fact. Why did they yearn more for the heart? It's because I think women were the ones designed to open men's heart up And sadly so many women don't really know how to do that to really open a man's heart to love To intimacy to real connection Some men know how to do that But most men don't Most women want it, but they don't know how to connect it So how do we bridge this gap? How do we how do we shift this narrative? So it doesn't have to be That there is even divorce That's just something I contemplate frequently and this is why I continually beat the drum In my messaging That women are the lead of the emotional leaders of the relationship And yet most women don't know how to do that Because most women oftentimes are in fear of speaking their truth with a man because that fear will lead causes them to Not speak up because they're afraid the man will leave This is certainly true for those of us in midlife I witness this over and over again So again, one of the reasons why I beat the drum over and over of the encouragement to be empowered in your life To take charge of your life From an empowered sense meaning you don't need someone to love you for you to feel good about yourself It's one of the reasons why I continually encourage reading books That will help navigate the conversation so you can bring that intimacy together Because most men don't know how to open their hearts most men Have been taught and beat down to stuff their emotions To be a the primary focus is to be that provider protector and quite frankly when they're in midlife Lot of men lose that desire to be a provider protector if they've been hurt And I don't even we could even go down the road of all the men and women who have been deeply bruised and hurt in their childhood and that carries over in their adulthood And that's another reason why Clashes happen As two people get older because they in a relationship because they're not working on the intimacy Intimacy means into me you see What that means is seeing someone at their heart level and building that level of genuine trust between two people This is why I recommend reading the book emotional intimacy by Robert Masters This is why I recommend reading the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman and their and the follow-up book the seven principles of making marriage work It's why I recommend reading Oh My god, what's the name for a book? I just went blank here for a second by Barbara DeAngelo's how to make love all the time how to make love all the time how to how to bridge that that space between What is desired and the fact that most people don't know how to make it happen? The reason why encourage women Is because we men desire you we do we want you we want that companionship we want that connection We want that physical intimacy with you. We don't know how to make it happen We just were never taught some men were I study it. So for me, it's like breathing these days, but for most men, that's not the case So I encourage everyone To do the work to create that that bridge of Intimacy together so it doesn't have to be that the women are the ones who are initiating the divorces We're initiating the breakups And in the midlife realm men break up very quickly because they are not they're not clued in On how to make this happen? And so when you find someone that is a real potential partner They don't invite you to read these books together so you can build that that bridge of real connection with one another So you can actually lean into a deeper more powerful more intimate relationship with each other And that's my invitation for you. Is this sinking in is this resonating with you all? Please let me know Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jot them bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone Pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch right now