 What a gift it is to be with everyone here today. I just want to first echo congratulations to all of our young people today. I wish I could read all of your essays. I hope I have the chance to and bravo to our musical performances. Just really unbelievable. I was deeply honored to be asked here to speak today and also deeply humbled. I felt this tremendous responsibility to craft a message that paid respect to the life and service of Dr. Martin Luther King while also paying respect to the lives and stories of everyone who's here in attendance. As I was working on the speech I reached out to my good friend Alana Simmons who founded the organization Hate Won't Win in memory of her grandfather Reverend Simmons who was one of the precious souls killed in the Emanuel AME shooting. As I shared my thoughts she paused me and said Cassie what you're saying reminds me of Dr. King's notion of the world house. The notion of the world house is one of brotherhood. Specifically Dr. King says this is the great new problem of mankind. We have inherited a large house a great world house in which we have to live together. Black and white, Easterner and Westerner, Gentile and Jew, Catholic and Protestant, Muslim and Hindu. A family unduly separated in ideas, cultures and interests who because we can never again live apart must learn somehow to live with each other in peace. Peace is the fight worth fighting he argues and that peace is accomplished when we see that we are all interdependent. All lives are interrelated he shared. The agony of the poor impoverishes the rich. The betterment of the poor enriches the rich. We are inevitably our brother's keeper because we are our brother's brother. Whatever affects one directly affects all. This message resonates so deeply with me and my experience following the loss of my husband. It was June 27th, 2008 when I met Greg. I had just finished my junior year in college and I was very focused on getting into graduate school so no boys for me. Of course that's when I met him. We met one night and I still said no boys. We left that night and then I ran into him at the grocery store the next day. So you know I don't I don't know if there's such a thing as love at first sight but if there is that was it. It's just that kind of love you know just touch his hand and feel electric loving him maybe a better person. It's like he saw something in me that I didn't even see in myself. We were married on December 14th, 2011 and we welcomed our son Salvatore on March 31st, 2015. I loved every second the time that I had with Greg but those last few months with our little family of three it was just perfect. In fact I remember driving home from a work trip that September and I just started to cry because I was so thankful. My life wasn't fancy but I had everything I ever wanted with Sal and Greg and then in an instant it was gone. It has been over three years since that tragic day but the memory is as real and as raw as if it were yesterday. It was a beautiful Wednesday morning in September and Greg who was a police officer had just switched back to day shift. I remember that morning Sal who turned six months old that day wouldn't sleep as many babies don't and I was exhausted as many moms are and so Greg who had just started back on day shift came in to get Sal and he took him with him played with him as he got ready and then about 6 30 he came into the room handed me Sal and he said I'm sorry babe I have to go and he kissed my head and he was gone and that was the last time I ever saw him. You know when I look back over the past three years I'm thankful that out of all the feelings I felt since using my husband hate and anger have been among the least common feelings but I have to tell you in those first few hours I was angry. It was 2015 and at that time it felt like I don't know what was like for other people but for me it felt like I couldn't turn on the news without seeing another horrible story of an officer involved shooting or an officer being shot and with those stories would come a flood of divisive opinions. It felt like at that time that you could either be for police or for community that you couldn't be both and if you were for community the message that came across to me was that you were against police and all police including my Greg and when he was killed that narrative left me to wonder if his service and sacrifice were valued so I began to speak out within the first 48 hours I had done a number of media interviews all talking about Greg and sharing our story and you know I did it for a number of reasons I did it for Greg to honor his legacy and I did it for Sal because I didn't want him to look back in the news and see hate but more than anything I wanted to remind people that a real person died that day. I think too often we forget that there are real people behind the stories that we hear in the news and I didn't want Greg's death to become a tally mark for one team versus the other. I wanted to remind people of the humanity in this tragedy. I also wanted to challenge the negative focus on police which is why three in the morning the night after Greg was killed I shared a Facebook post asking for two things I asked one that people share stories about Greg so that Sal could learn about the man his father was and two I said that Greg was a hero and many other cops are too and I proposed using the hashtag heroes blue as a way to raise awareness of the positive stories that so often go untold. A few months before he died I asked Greg what he thought about the tensions between police and community and he said Cassie no one wants a bad cop brought to justice more than a good cop but for every one negative story here in the news there are thousands of positive stories happening every day that go unnoticed heroes and blue was intended as a way not to take away from the things that we need to change and improve but allow us space for the good stories to be a part of the conversation. Now heroes and blue was nothing more than a gut reaction a hashtag that I had hours after Greg was killed prior to his death I've been actively working to complete my doctorate and was doing work that I loved however I felt really called to do something about the tensions that impacted me so deeply I just wasn't sure how I was so excited when I was invited to speak on my first panel the topic was race relations and I saw this as an opportunity to break down barriers if only people could hear me I thought then they would understand things didn't go as planned there was a couple in attendance and they were angry with me it seemed that I represented everything that they despised it was so bad that afterwards people rushed up to me saying I can't believe they treated you that way and the panel staff even tried to escort me into this back hallway as if to shield me and I was distraught what had I said to be the target of such anger I wanted to understand I turned back around and went directly to find them we spoke to close to an hour and what I remember most from this conversation was not necessarily what they said but what I learned I learned what it felt like to lean into what was uncomfortable for me to hear to listen to their perspectives deeply openly and that change was not about being understood but in seeking to understand now I didn't necessarily agree with how they had expressed their pain but after they talked felt like I better understood where they were coming from and I realized then how little I understood about why people really distrust police or really even about the experiences people of color face in our country every day I think before that point I thought I understood I mean the focus of my work before Greg died was on working to address health disparities and my doctoral program places a strong emphasis on diversity inclusion and social justice I'd written numerous academic papers that cited all of the relevant statistics on health disparities but for all that I see now that I didn't really understand while I knew the statistics it wasn't until I really sought to listen that I began to see the humanity in the numbers some of you may know this but I remarried in October and I think one of the first things that really brought my new husband Mitch and I closer together was this journey of learning I remember he would propose something new that we should seek to understand and he would dive into it together and as I would venture into difficult conversations conversations where I sought to be open to learn he would be there with me through it all and through this experience we learned and grew and importantly we developed many outstanding and transformative friendships that last today that would not have existed had we not dove into this process of learning now through all of this I am by no means an expert on race and racism and there are sincere limitations with my worldview which limit my ability to ever truly understand what it is like to be someone of color in our country but that being said this process did help me to begin to notice things that I may have missed in the past for example one time I went to the grocery store with my son and we always go to get those free cookies they give for kids and when we got there there was a line being served was a white woman behind her was a black woman and Sal and I were third in line when the baker was done with the first woman he turned to me and I saw the second woman's face drop oh she was here before me I said after the baker walked away after helping her the woman turned to me and said thank you he knew I was here first but he was going to help you instead my heart broke how often had this happened how many times had I pushed my way in front of others without thinking it was just a cookie it would only take a moment but to that woman it was so much more I wondered how many other times she had been chosen second that day or how about in her lifetime I wondered how would I feel if I were her it wasn't just a cookie situation that I noticed I began to see signs of it everywhere more and more I witnessed broken systems one after the other and how they impacted people in real life I saw that it wasn't the major acts of racism that were most prominent but the small everyday acts that communicate place and privilege in our society I felt I'd finally begin to understand why people of color in our country may feel that their lives matter less to society than mine and I thought about how I felt watching the news how it made me feel as if Greg were under attack and I wondered how it would be if roles were reversed and every time I turned on the news I saw a black man being killed by a cop how would I feel with this realization came a sense of hopelessness it seemed that bringing people together was an impossibility alongside this journey of growth I was dealing with the experience of the case involving Greg's death and every time I had to meet with the lawyers it was as if I was being sucked into a dark pit of hate I would be left incapacitated for days at a time losing Greg was absolutely the worst thing that could ever happen but being asked what I would want for the man who took him from us was a close second I struggled to understand what justice meant I researched I was a wreck and there was this one particularly painful day with the attorneys where I left feeling defeated I racked my brain how was I going to survive this how was I going to sit there in that courtroom facing this man who took everything from us and go home and love my son how was I going to teach him about empathy and compassion and forgiveness when I couldn't even find it in my own heart I thought about a lot of rational explanations for what I can teach Sal about justice but none of them brought my heart into peace it wasn't until I imagined how I'd feel if I were the mother of the man who killed Greg and immediately I pictured him as my own little boy so filled with hope and possibilities I realized then his mother and I which she wanted for her son was not so different from what I wanted from my own Sal that neither of us wanted to be here I wondered what if we had found him the man who killed Greg before that day would we have found a man in need and what if we could have helped him it was then that I saw an opportunity for police and community to come together that what we both want is essentially the same for the people we love to be protected our communities to be safe and our children to thrive what if we could work together over that shared goal heroes in blue was rebranded to serve and connect to better reflect this message and the mission was expanded to emphasize the critical importance of partnerships for improving community safety resilience and well-being our goal is to create better outcomes for all by building trust collaboration and fostering a shared sense of pride we refuse to accept things as they are when we work against one another everyone loses but when we come together over a common ground we make our neighborhood safer healthier and happier for all when I think about how I felt when Greg first died the anger the hate and to see how far we've come it is a true source of hope nothing will ever bring him back and I will continue to miss him for the rest of my life however what we have accomplished through this process gives me hope in a different future one where we are united but we're our shared humanity by seeking to genuinely understand different perspective we have been able to chart a new path for how police and community work together to promote safety this process has also brought peace and healing in my own heart and none of this would have been possible without an authentic process of openness learning and growth we all come to the table with our own experiences stories some people we are really good at understanding and others we are not to be able to genuinely live as brothers and sisters in this world house requires us to grow in our empathy and understanding for one another no matter who we are what our stories are or where we come from the more we are able to see the world through the lens of another especially those who are most different from ourselves the more we are able to see that their stories their joys and their sorrows are so directly linked with our own empathy helps us to see that what impacts one impacts us all but empathy like most things is a skill it takes practice patience and a ton of courage courage to take an honest look in the mirror and identify our strengths and areas for growth who are we most comfortable with who do we not understand very well and how can we seek to grow it takes courage to be vulnerable and honest about what we don't know standing up here in front of you I'm cringed at every word thinking of my own ignorance and privilege but if I hadn't been honest about what I didn't know that I would never have been able to learn learning can be such a difficult process it forces us to lean into what is uncomfortable for us to hear and allow ourselves to be transformed in the process it can also mean feeling like we're going against our own side at times but imagine what we were able what we'd be able to achieve if we found the bravery to understand one another what could we accomplish I have to tell you over the past three years I have been amazed at the power of people to promote healing and understanding when we are willing to show up and be present for others when we allow people to really see us to understand us and when we are willing to really listen and hear what they have to say in return incredible things happen empathy is built trust grows and healing blossoms that struggles that Dr. King fought against are still very real today racism continues to be ever present and it seems with every day we grow more and more polarized from one another in thought and action we are so divided so disconnected and it is challenging our ability to move forward toward effective action with that comes fear and a desire to fight against this great threat we all speak and call for a different future but we can be at times frozen and our ability to pursue that which we hold so dear as Dr. King said many men cry peace peace but they refuse to do the things that make for peace if we want a different future one filled with peace we must start doing things differently we must choose connection over division empathy over blame we must actively seek opportunities for learning and compassion and understanding with every fiber of our being we must resist the urge to hide or shelter ourselves from the unknown and bravely chart a new united path together and when others show up authentically and honestly we must be willing to embrace them and listen to love them and to let love lead our own actions it is a true honor to join you here today thank you to the city of columbia especially the department of parks and recreation and the mlk day committee for inviting me to speak here while i may be the one standing up here today i want to say that we all have a story we're sharing no matter who you are or where you come from your life is precious and worth understanding we just need to take the time to get to know each other more to listen to one another more and show up for one another more a new future is right there at our fingertips all we have to do is find the courage to connect with one another and i believe when we choose that simple act of knowing one another better than we create better outcomes for all thank you