 So yesterday, I was having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine Really quickly. I just got to share how we met we met over 17 years ago on a dating app And while it wasn't a love connection for some reason We just bonded together partially because we had many mutual friends and it turns out our children went to the same school So we developed a friendship and we've kept in touch quite you know quite a bit over the last 17 years And we've kind of rode each other's Relationships in this period of time and I was speaking to her the other day because she's in a very significant relationship they're moving in together and After four years of being together and I've known several of her other relationships along the way and I was talking about kind of the idea of Some of the old traditional ways that people connected and moved in together got married very quickly So I was just saying to her this question. I said in her previous relationship before her current partner. I said What would have happened? She was in a three-year relationship with this guy and I said what would have happened if You had moved in together with him right from the get-go Versus spending three years together and here's what she said to me. She said we would have broken up in three months And I was like a little bit flabbergasted by that But I was thinking about you know, she would have not necessarily seen the red flags because she saw red flags Early on in the relationship. She would just would have uncovered things much sooner So then I posted something on Facebook and I'd like to read it to everyone The meme here. I'm just here with everyone what the meme says Marriage succeed only as lifetime commitment as a lifetime commitment with no escape clauses And from when I understand the person who's quote this from might be a little controversial So don't hold me to it But this is what my post said and this is what I want to lean into today Because we're going to talk about why in this women initiate divorces And I said why didn't my why did in my parent era? There's a picture of my mom and dad Why in their area era could people marry and move in together only after a few weeks of knowing each other And those marriages seem to have have lasted much longer than today's relationships. What have changed And so what was interesting is one of my friends posted on my facebook page. He said well 70 percent of women initiate divorce And what's interesting of of of 90 percent of women who are college educated Initiate divorce and I thought that's fascinating. Why is it that women initiate divorce? Why is it that they're the ones that tend to end a relationship now? I know in the red pill communities the kevin samuels the andrew tapes who There's a lot of rhetoric out there Men are hearing today a lot younger men are hearing Basically a lot of misogynistic type of programming suggesting that women are unhappy today because they've shifted from traditional values of being a housewife and a mother to children And that's their primary role and the man's role is to be the provider protector And basically those women should suck it up because they're getting lifestyle as the tradeoff And I just find it fascinating listening to a lot of this rhetoric out there The mig towel the red pill and if you're not familiar with it, I highly recommend checking out mig towel stands for men Going their own way and red pill is all about A huge criticism of women these days Um, basically because their mate selection is based on The highest status man. Now, this is true of the younger generation But then why are women initiating divorce? Why is it these women that are should be so happy initiate divorce? And I thought it'd be interesting to explore this today and I'll share some of my personal observations as well So first off, I want to read to you an article From uh psychology today. So bear with me a second Um, oops not that one. It's called the the end of relationships And what's interesting is says some people can walk away from years of marriage and instantly feel relieved and unburdened For others the end of a relationship that lasted just a few weeks can bring on intense emotional trauma that lingers for years And I just thought reading that what a fascinating thought here that um That uh women I mean that literally you could be in a long-term relationship and feel relief afterwards Versus when a short lived relationship can feel very devastating Isn't that fascinating to to and I think what needs to be addressed here is the understanding of love attachment Love attachment if you're not familiar with the book attached by amir levine and rachel heller. I highly recommend checking this out Okay, um, this will give you some understanding to why we get attached to people But what's so fascinating is people in long-term marriages Oftentimes begin to become detached from the person. So it's much easier to separate from the relationship. So let me go back to this here This article the the uh, oops the end of relationships And this is why couples split up In some failed relationships partners endure a gradual decline of connection intimacy affection While in others one or the other partner can identify the moment they knew it was over When a relationship experiences strain couples must decide if they if they have built a connection Because can sustain if not whether it's best to end it And what's interesting? I want you to notice right here the four horsemen of the apocalypse This is from john gotman's work. John and julie gotman They're the folks that wrote the book eight dates, which I talk about frequently and we're going to talk about it in a moment John gotman points out the four primary areas of relationship contention and that's if you can see right here criticism contempt defensiveness and stonewalling So what happens in these relationships? oops Hopefully you were you notice. Uh, you were Hopefully this is what you were reading. Oh, you know, I it looks like I was pulling up the wrong one folks The rise of lonely man. I am so sorry. I was reading from the wrong one. I'm sorry about that um And let me just say this. I let me since someone just pointed out. I am not condoning Misogynistic behavior in any way shape or form. Okay but what's interesting is that um I think the reason why women initiate divorces so much more frequently than men these days is because of A lack of connection and intimacy because men haven't developed They haven't really developed their emotional side To their personality if you will I think that's one of the primary reasons In fact, I was pulling up this article right here the rise of lonely men I'm going to share that right now Hopefully you can see that it says the rise of lonely men the rise of lonely single men And it says right up top men need to address their deficiency Defects to meet healthier relationship expectations right here. It says dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise Men represent approximately 62 of the dating apps users lowering their chances for matches But more importantly men need to address skills Deficient to meet uh deficits, excuse me to meet healthier relationship expectations And one of the things that goes on to say let's go by right here skill deficits for men This means a relationship skill gap If not addressed will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities in longer periods of being single these are uh There's less patience for poor communication skills today What that means is women are less patient of men of poor communication skills and the problem for men Is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of a healthy long-term love and requires all the skills that families Still are not consistently teaching young boys. Isn't that fascinating? Isn't that fascinating to read? So Let's come back. Let me come back here. Okay so Again, I find this fascinating And I was reading another article It looks like I won't be able to pull it up from the uh the good man project And i'm just going to read this really quickly for you nine reasons why women initiate divorces more than men And the first thing that was listed The indifference or cluelessness of husbands to their feelings number two small gestures and reassurances are missing Number three money problems and that's oftentimes uh one of the primary causes of divorce Needs not being met at home husband who cheat on their wives Marriage not living up to expectations substance abuse lack of romance and what's number nine physical and emotional abuse so Why am I bringing this up because I don't want to blame men per se I think there's just a deficiency in emotional maturity because the reality is is most humans lack a sense of A strong sense of relationship skills and emotional maturity and I believe this is a byproduct Of childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading the book the hoffman process The hoffman process this will help you do a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas for yourself And ideally men should be doing this as well So if you're a single woman watching this, I know if you're a divorced woman reading this you're going yeah, yeah Yeah, exactly. That's my husband I think what's lacking today coming back to the meme that I shared earlier is a serious sense of commitment a serious sense of commitment These days we can easily have sex with someone by merely saying I want a relationship That's all a guy has to say is I want a relationship and a woman will gravitate Because they think oh that means something Well, first you got to understand the context of what relationship means to that guy. What does that actually mean to him? These days it just means I want to spend I want to have companionship connection and sex Without any real deep dive into commitment This is why ladies, you know, you follow my work. In fact, it's here on my coffee mug right there It says ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina Read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman at least Read chapter one together chapter one is about trust and commitment Folks listen, I'm not here to suggest what you do with your bodies. You can do whatever you want You can have sex whoever you want But if you're the type of woman who is the type of clientele that I work with That's seeking a serious relationship Then you need to get a better sense of is this not only just a potential long-term mate, but is this person Committed to the process of getting to know me beyond the surface of having sex with me Because the second reason why okay, so commitment I feel is like the is like the crux of one crux of the problem The other crux is a lack of emotional intimacy and folks Just because you crave emotional intimacy doesn't necessarily mean you're good At initiating emotional intimacy and you know why I know this I'm going to throw my girlfriend under the bus. There's a picture of her and I right there One of our early dates together And I'm going to throw her under the bus right now Now one of the things she said in her what one of the things she said in her dating profile is she wants a deeply Connected deeply connected relationship. She wanted deep intimacy and connection But you know, it's fascinating about her Is she's actually not as expressive as I am She's not as expressive as I am. I am the more expressive person in the relationship Now part of that is because I've done a deep dive into healing my wounds and traumas And I think she wouldn't when I say I throw under the bus I I don't mean to disrespect her but there is a Deficiency between us. I am way more expressive in the relationship than she is Now what usually happens. Okay, so I'm the guy and she's the girl, right? Well, actually technically I'm the girl and she's the guy in the relationship Now for most women out there that space in between that different deficiency in in Expressiveness, do you know what that's called? That's called drama Many of you women initiate drama because of that deficiency instead of actually inspiring your partner And one of the things we talk about regularly because we do journeys together We do I do little mini workshops with her if you will it's just listen I've been blessed. I've studied all this work So I've been able to break free of the shackles that were That were bound to me as a young child meaning I was told to You know be a man tough it up. Don't be expressive of your feelings so What we do is we do little mini workshops together because I'm going to lead by example Now one of the books I highly recommend everyone reading Is emotional intimacy by robert masters by the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend ladies if you want to get by the way, I will tell you That it is women Not my girlfriend, but other women who helped me Become who I am in other words. It's other women who helped me Become more expressive because I did so many different workshops with women So I will tell you that most women are as equally deficient in their emotional expressiveness except they oftentimes express their Disappointment in the guy and yet that's only going to drive a guy further away To be more of a recluse in the relationship So How are you going to shift this? Listen, I'm recommending you lead by example because the reality is is we don't want to have a 70 percent We don't want to have a 50 percent divorce rate and we don't want to have we want nobody initiating divorce This is why I'm a big proponent of learning the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship And I want to recommend two additional books and for this moment first off Read the book how to be an adult in relationships Most of you most humans act like fucking little children in relationships number one again There's a recommended book reading list number two I recommend reading this book by gary zuccov spiritual partnership so you can learn To really tap into your heart centered Space to be in a relationship and of course you should be reading my book What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work again All right, so yes, I pitch a lot of books because I'm not going to sell you on some $5,000 program That teaches you this stuff when you can learn all of this through books and local workshops in your area I highly recommend you going to workshops. Let's get at listen. We're free from our homes from covid It's time to get out and I invite you by the way by getting out you can actually meet more people I will tell you in most of the personal development workshops. I've gone to it's been 50 percent men and women That's right. It's been 50 percent men and women So it might be a great place to meet guys Because you know, they have a greater propensity to wanting to work on themselves because what we don't want Is this rise of divorce and we don't want this disconnect and folks I'm here to say it takes one person to lead by example and yet many of you are so Afraid to speak your truth because you've been indoctrinated. I was just talking to a woman earlier today She bought into this whole I just leaned back in my feminine energy and the guy's gonna claim me Yeah guys claim sex all the time But if you want to claim a guy who's actually more intentional, you're gonna have to listen My girlfriend emailed me first. In fact, I she followed up with the second phone call Now i'm not saying she chased me because I equally made effort in the relationship But i'm here to say we've got listen. I highly recommend I'm going to respond to that in a second I highly recommend reading the book if the buddha dated because it throws out the stupid gender rhetoric and says How can we connect with each other on a heart-centered level because that's where you have a greater chance of relationship success Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know post a comment Give me a thumbs up share this video like this video. Please subscribe to my channel if this is resonating with you Why do why are divorce initiated by women? I think there's a lot of clueless men out there and i'm here to say i'm hoping some men watch this Do your fucking work so you can show up because let me tell you There is nothing more juicier than delicious than being in a relationship where you can connect at your heart-centered level and not just because you're getting your rocks off dudes When you can when you can actually get a heart on to go with your heart on you're going to have an experience That could absolutely set you off in the outer space. At least that's my invitation for you. All right, folks Give me a thumbs up. Tell me this resonated with you All right, those who know my format know it's time for q&a So um Let's see what we've got here From q&a. Oh by the way, if you have a question write the word question post the question thereafter Or purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my Son Connor as like that's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away four years ago and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund To give two charities like the Hoffman or donate to the Hoffman process insight seminars Uh alike so again, there's a little dollar sign the chat box and if you're watching the replay you can hit a super thanks as well Um, all right, let's see what we've got here. See if we got questions 21 new you 21 How do you find development workshops in your area? What to google great question you can google personal development workshops in your area You can develop you can google self-help workshops in your area most yoga studios have some Affiliation I I would say I would go to a yoga studio a lot of people in that realm Do personal development as well? I would look at tony robbins meetup groups. I would look up Um, let's see what other good ones. Um relationship workshops, um Uh, abraham hicks is always traveling abraham hicks. I do like their work Um ester parel. I mean, I would just start googling personal development workshops in my area Great question new 21 new you thank you so much All right Let's see what else we've got here All right, if you have a question post the word question write the question thereafter um Let's see. I'm just saw that gen says hi jonathan as a widow of 27 year marriage people quit too easily I don't know how to endure Folks, I can't teach you self-discipline. You've got to learn that yourself Okay, I mean at the end of the day. We've only got ourselves to count on we can't listen There's no magic fairy dust that's going to make Listen This this is the antidote folks. This is the antidote This is the antidote. All right Thank you gen. I appreciate it Uh, let's see question How can I detach from a man who only wants i'm assuming he only wants sex you just say next Folks, you just have to learn what is ariana grande song. Thank you next. Okay. That's how you do it And if you can't do it, it's only on you Folks, I'm not here to listen or folks If you have serious trauma, I highly recommend seeing a therapist to begin some of the work. Okay Um seek medical attention. That's not my area of expertise. I do not train in that area if you are find yourself in abuse of relationship But let's let me just tell you all of you women have the power to be a bitch And bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, you have the power read this book Don't give your power away Here's another great book to read Breaking the habit of being yourself by joe dispensa. Here's another book. You okay. Here's a book. Okay Shut up stop whining and get a life by larry wingett. I'm gonna repeat that one more Shut up. So I actually love this book This is a great empowerment book folks if you're not investing every night at least 15 20 minutes of reading a book You spend more time purchasing shoes putting on makeup Getting your nails done and not investing in your heart Then you only have yourself to blame Hey, listen, I am guilty of this It wasn't until I got smacked upside the head By losing all my money in the market before I realized that there is an inner journey To go along with the outer journey out there and that's my invitation for you. All right. Thank you so much All right, let's see what else we got Corny Cobb says question You said 70% of divorce are initiated by women and 90% of divorces are initiated by university educated women Why do you think educated women increase the statistics? I think it's because The more educated a woman is thank you for bringing this up. I think the more educated a woman is Actually the part of the reason why is women can financially support themselves I think that's the primary reason and the more educated a person is the higher probability They can take care of themselves financially and they don't want to put up with shit Yeah throughout history women had to put up with a lot of shit from men because of them because of the patriarch and misogyny Now, let me just say this. There is a great deal of benefit for men Throughout history. We wouldn't be living in the homes. We live if it wasn't for the for the physical prowess We wouldn't be protected if it wasn't for the physical prowess. So we shouldn't throw men down into the bus But at the same time i'm here to suggest you doing the inner work and then leading by example To build the emotional capacity of your relationship Otherwise you only have yourself to blame because if you're silent Look at chapter one in my book speak your truth do it in kindness and yet many of you are afraid To speak up you're afraid to lose a guy. Well, guess what 70% of you are going to dump a guy anyway So why be afraid make the effort and see what happens? That's my invitation. Thank you corny cob All right, caron says my two relationships after my divorce ended badly I but I betrayed One betrayed me with my best friend one ghosted me After my cancer diagnosis what books will help me gain trust again What books will help you gain trust again? You know, I'm going to recommend my book as a starting point and then here's the deal At the end of the book is all of the learning lessons here. You can see that All of the recommended books I recommend that's my recommendation. It's not about building trust For another person. It's about trusting yourself. That's my invitation for you caron when you learn to trust yourself We can let go of the need listen When we expect trust from another person, you know, listen, it's human beings are fallible What's most important is learning to trust yourself. In fact, one of my chapters in the book Where the heck is that chapter? Bump bump bump bump I forget what chapter it is, but it talks about learning how to trust yourself Because it's hard to put faith in other people But what you can do is pit faith in your choices and your decision-making. That's what I would invite you to do caron Thank you so much. I really appreciate it All right, can you talk about whether it's okay to be with someone who has addiction issues? I guess the question is are you okay with it? I think my girlfriend is addicted to reality tv. That's a joke. I'm just kidding. She's not because she watches a lot of other stuff um You know We have a high addiction rate to sugar here in the united states. Should we should we discount someone for that? We have a high binge television Addiction going on here in the united states. Should we discount a person for that? drugs alcohol You know Folks I went through a major crash in 2008 and nine I was addicted to cocaine. I was drinking a lot My deficiency was I was depressed because I had no purpose in my life. I believe beside some of the outside Circumstances because look I lost a child But I didn't go down the rabbit hole of depression while some people can I think when we have a purpose in our life, we are less likely To be depressed and we're less likely to be addicted to things. That's just a perception. I have I'm not saying that's the It's accurate. I'm just saying that's my perception As far as your choice that's you've got to decide for yourself I know I would be less likely to want to be in relationship with someone who had addiction issues Uh, I would invite and it's not my job to heal someone. That's just my opinion on that So erica, thank you so much for your question. I appreciate it Oh, I want to thank pan for the super sticker big hugs and thank you Let's see what else we have Uh, looks like we have an interesting conversation. I like Esther bra. I don't agree with jamie's understanding of her work I guess there's a dialogue going here. Uh, jonathan Esther parel believes in forgiving cheaters and cheating behavior. She endorses making excuses for cheaters and encourages people to ignore their anger and hurt absolutely toxic So I'm a big proponent of forgiveness I I I do believe uh Infidelity can be repaired in a relationship. I do believe that there is a that can happen Sometimes we have to let go of our ego I I think what ester parel is leaning into is that that erotic connection in relationships does tend to dwindle And so there is a prep like throughout history infidelity was incredibly common for both men and women alike Mostly men but men and women alike mostly in the upper classes for the most part. Well, certainly in the lower end of um I don't like saying the word lower classes per se. Uh, I'm I understand that it was prevalent throughout history I'm not a big proponent of it But I understand why she would say that now. I don't judge her for saying it I don't judge a lot of people for what they say that I disagree with I I can disagree without putting A label or blame on the person for their opinion. I believe she has some interesting insights Uh, I I oftentimes, um refer to her book mating in captivity right here. I refer to her book I like a lot of her assertions and some I don't but that's okay See the minute we become divided and we say somebody is I know a lot of brilliant people And I disagree with one facet of what they say if I make them out to be bad for that Then I'm only doing myself harm. So that's my perception on that one And again, I like a lot of her assertions and some of them. I don't I just pick and choose what I feel like It's right for me. Okay, jamey. Thank you for bringing that up. I appreciate it. All right Uh, I want to thank jen for the five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much Uh, billy says I can forgive but forget I would know I why would I forget when chances are though they can't resist You know, here's the thing a friend of mine one says I'll forgive you but the price just got higher So, um Look it I I think Um, look it I'm in a relatively new relationship. It's a little over four months old I can tell you I've said stupid things. I am grateful that she forgives me for them I think she said some stupid things I think she's grateful that I forgive her now. We we kind of make so now It's not egregious. I get that And if there was uh a desire to seek You know sex with someone else and it probably means our relationship isn't a fit or it needs to be redefined but forgiveness really Forgiveness isn't for them forgiveness is for you forgiveness is for you In fact, I love the hawaiian forgiveness prayer and forgiveness simply stands for forgiving love forgiving love And the why and forgiveness prayer also known as the hapono pono pono pono Goes like this. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you like giving your shot self a shot of love That's what you do with forgiveness and that's my invitation for everyone Uh, mr. Johnson, we know your mouth is a mess. Yes. I can say a lot of stupid things uh, all right Questions thoughts on open relationships and marriages. I'm not a big fan of open relationships I know some couples who occasionally swing and that's they say that kind of spice ends up their relationship I'm not a big proponent of it, but I knew no some couples who do it, but I'm not a big proponent of it Uh, Stephanie says I like that. I'll forgive you, but the price just got higher Yeah, I heard that from a friend of mine uh cheating is uh A need cheating is his need for ego validation not always true a lot of time There is a significant number of men who cheat because there is a lack of intimacy in their marriage And they oftentimes uh gets seduced in the sense that somebody else who's giving them some emotional intimacy I don't think it's ego. I think a lot of times it's a lack of love Is the reason for it. There's a lack of real emotional There's a lack of emotional connection in the relationship and the person is thirsty for it. I'm not saying this is right I'm not advocating this. I'm just saying that's what I believe some of the reasons are for um infidelity All right, folks, you know what I think I've covered what I wanted to today um, I've covered a lot. I think honestly I think emotional intimacy is the deficiency. We're experiencing relationships today And most men aren't skilled on it and quite frankly most women aren't skilled on it either I think oftentimes women have an expectation here men are here in that space in between is drama but and yet when you can effectively communicate Your your needs wants and desires In an expressive way you can make an invitation for a man to lean in as well And if he's not capable of it then you've got to ask yourself Is this the person I want to be in relationship with because I think This is what's going to have to happen going forward Is both mutually learning emotional intimacy. That's the pathway to relationship success Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, I think we covered why some of the reasons why uh women initiate divorce I hope you found value in this. Please let me know if you do. Please hit that like button Please share this with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jennifer and billy and chris and mech trust no one Mech trust no one. That's interesting spirit dancer. Stephanie billy roxy Let's see who else gen four karen maryland jamie Roxy if I repeat your name erica jamie. Thank you so much everyone. I hope you found value tonight Please let me know if you did. Please let me know if this is resonating with you All right, big hugs to you all take care. Thanks. Bye now