 What he represents is patriarchy. We're here to do work as men, as patriars. There's nothing more natural than being a farmer. Welcome back to the 21 Convention 2019 Special Patriarch Edition in Orlando, Florida. Our next speaker is a returning speaker to the 21 Convention. He is a legendary talk radio host. He is the co-host of the Red Pill 101 with Rolla Tomasi. And he's a proud patriarch of five. Please let me welcome Pat Campbell to the stage. Thank you, sir. Appreciate it, buddy. Good morning. How are yous, everybody? For those of you that aren't familiar with me, I'm a radio talk show host currently in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I've been living there for about 11 years. I'm married. I've been married for 27 years. I've got five kids raging in age from 26 to 16. My baby just turned 16. I've got two boys, three girls, so I know a little something about raising kids, especially in this day and age. And I've learned a lot along the way, and hopefully I can share some of that information with fathers that are here or fathers to be that are here as well. And I'm also a recovering trad con, thanks to Rolla Tomasi. About two years ago now, I read the book. I picked up the book. I started reading his blog or his website, The Rational Mail. Some of his articles. I went and got the Audible book. I liked it. I bought the book. I can't tell you how many times I've read the book, how many copies of the book I've given away, and how many times I've listened to Audible and the other two books, and I can't wait for the fourth book to come out, which I'm writing the forward to, which is about religion. And that's where guys like me come in. I'm the goon squad for the religious, okay? The trad con. I finally woke up one day and realized, you've been played. You've been played. People like me are the guys that keep the other guys in line. And I want to wake everybody up to that today because it woke me up. So the title of my talk today is, What is the role of the husband and the father? And underneath, you see it says, I'm not your friend. I'm your father. From day one, when my kids are very little, I've told all of them. Bridget, Rachel, Michael, David, Sarah. I'm not your friend. I don't want to be your friend. I'm your dad. And the dad has very... Nobody else can do the job I've got to do. I've got very special duties and responsibilities as your father. You see, in this day and age, there's a lot of parents, if you're lucky enough to be in a two-parent intact household, chances are both mommy and daddy are working. And you don't have a lot of time with the kids. And I think moms intuitively want to be friends with their daughters more than guys want to be friends with their kids. But nobody wants to play the heavy. Nobody wants to be the bad guy and I've only got such a little time with the child. You feel, I don't know, you feel guilty. So you go easy. And you want to be their friend. Anybody can be your friend. Rolo and I have been talking about this friend thing for a while. I'm going to give you two examples. Anybody can be my friend. My dog can be my friend. Dogs are a man's best friend, right? Anybody can be your friend. But not anybody can be your dad. Not anybody can be your mom. And we see this in marriages too. I was at a Catholic cathedral. I'm Catholic. As if that comes as a big surprise, right? Five kids. I'm at a Catholic cathedral. Oh, gosh. It was before Easter. And the bishop was giving the sermon that day. The gospel was on the transfiguration. And I'm seeing everything through my red-pill eyes now. Stuff that I didn't see before. And he's telling the crowd that when Jesus went up with some of his apostles, he revealed his true self to the apostles. And that we, we, the people in the pews, need to reveal our true selves, our total selves to some special friend. And then he goes, and if you're married, that's your spouse. I'm sitting in the back watching this and I'm going, whoa, slow down there, tiger. I'm not buying this, okay? And here's the reason why. I can be a friend with anybody. But in that marital relationship, I'm the husband. She's the wife. When you say friend, and I'm not saying you can't be a good friend with your wife, or a best friend with your wife, okay? But first and foremost, your husband and wife. And that comes with, by just reducing it to a friendship, it degrades it. You see what I'm saying? It's the same with the parent-child. Dad's just my friend. It degrades it. And there's a saying, familiarity breeds contempt, okay? And there's, I was talking with Rolo about the husband-wife thing. And why you shouldn't tell all your darkest secrets or everything to your wife. You have a role as a husband to, and it's an intuitive protective role to protect her. You know, I don't want to burden my wife with financial things or things that are going on at work. She's got plenty to do at home with the kids. So you don't have to put everything out there. Also, with the reality of divorce in this day and age, the more the wife knows about you, okay? If things go bad, or as if Rolo likes to say she goes feral, you can bet your bottom dollar that every one of those dirty little secrets will come up in divorce court. We had a, I can't believe this story still. There was an elected official back in Oklahoma. I won't name him, okay? But he was one of these guys, he was like in two different worlds. He was a player, but he also wanted to be the, you know, Jesus guy and a married kind of guy. And he had been convinced to write down or keep a journal of his sins. Which let me tell you, anybody ever tells you that? No way. There's no way on God's little green earth you should ever write down. I don't care if you've got it in a Liberty safe, okay? Write down every little thing you've done wrong. Well, his marriage fell apart. And I'm there like, don't tell me. I said, where did you leave it? He left it under the bed. When they went to divorce court, that was entered into the court records. Every, you know, his pornography problems, all that stuff came out in court. So you have to be measured in what you share with other people. And that includes your spouse. Not just because it can be used against you, but like I said, you as a guy, as a patriarch in the family, you don't want to burden her with guy stuff. If that makes sense to you. Let me roll through a couple of these. I'll give myself some water here too. By the way, how many of you are familiar with Bishop T.D. Jakes? Raise your hands. Do you ever see the guy you know who I'm talking about? He likes to sweat on TV. I can sweat more than him. So I may be putting on a show for you today. All right, let's get to the, what to look for in a wife? The vetting process. In fact, we just did Red Pill 101 Episode 25 on vetting. Especially for a long-term relationship if you're looking for something like that. So her family, what are the dynamics? I've talked about the fact that I was never worried about meeting the dad. Dad's a pushover. I want to meet mom, and I want to meet mom as soon as possible if I'm seriously looking at somebody to marry down the road. The reason is she's going to tell me what the next 20 years of my life are going to look like. I want to know what the house is set up like. I want to know if dad's an alpha. If dad's an alpha, this is going to make her more attractive to me because she's coming from that kind of a situation. Is dad a beta? Is mom really in charge of the family? Is mom a nag? If mom's a nag, guess what? You're going to get your ass nagged. Is mom a clean freak? I'd like a clean freak, okay? Is the house messy? Is mom a hoarder? Those are all things that can come back to haunt you. A lot of people say, take a look at the mother because that's what your wife's going to look like in 20 years. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But her behavior, her behavior will be what you're looking at dealing with down the road. You want to know what the future wife's relationship was with her dad. Does she look up to her dad? Is her dad distant? What's her relationship like with her mother? All sorts of things you want to look for. And I think I hit number two there. Lots of me to the relationship with. More important is strong alpha. Okay, so mom's the one you need to take the hardest look at, not just physically. Okay, slob, I went through all those. The lie that your wife should be your best friend and know all your secrets. That's what I touched on there with that sermon from the bishop back in Tolstoy. And it was funny because I like to sit in the back of the church to watch the reaction. And all of these couples looking at each other, they guys just like beat down. Totally not. I'm really like shaking my head. You can be friends with your wife. She can be your best friend, but it's more than that. She's your wife. You're the husband. And with those, you know, what's the line from Spider-Man? With great power comes great responsibility. And when you boil it down just to a friendship, it devalues the relationship. As I said before, anybody, anybody, could be your friend. Anybody. Trying to think with other things I had on the wife that I wanted to bring up with you. Now, let me go on to the next slide here because I'll jump around a bit too. Oh, what does she bring to the relationship? How does she add value? Let me share something with you here. I got into a pretty interesting Twitter exchange earlier this week with a lady. I'm not going to mention her name per se, but Rollo talks a lot about sexual market value. And when he's on my program in Tulsa, women hear it and here's what they hear. Women are only good for one thing, sex and their physical appearance. And without those, you know, once that starts to fade, once that starts to fade, what do you do? Do you take it to the glue factory? Do you trade her in? What do you do? What do you do? Now, of course, that's not what Rollo's saying, but that's what they hear. One of the things that has frustrated me as a radio talk show host for years is, I can control what I say. I've got a very elaborate vocabulary, but I can't control what people hear or think they hear. But that's what women, some women, not all hear when Rollo's on the program. So it's all about women. Women are sex objects. Men, men, when properly developed, are success objects. The girls aren't the prize. You're the prize. That's a complete reversal. That's a 180 on probably everything you've been taught along the way. And you become the prize by investing in yourself, whether it's education, starting a business, you know, moving yourself up professionally in whatever profession you're in. You make yourself attractive. You're the prize. They're going to want you. And a lot of guys, when they're in maybe teenage years, even 20s, maybe late 20s, find that women, it's not easy to find women, date women, get women, if you want to use that language, right? But I was telling Rollo, somewhere along the age of, I don't know, 28, I'd never really had a problem dating girls, but when I hit like 28, all of a sudden you got the pick of the litter. And the reason is the herd's thinning, that sexual market value was starting to decline. They're going into their epiphany phase. They know they've got to take action and they've got to take action now. Somebody who wouldn't have looked at you at 22 all of a sudden now at 28, you're looking pretty good. So women, you know, this sexual market value is so tied up in physical appearance and sexual performance. I'm here to tell you today, if you marry a woman, and I know guys that have, based either solely or primarily on physical appearance and sexual performance, I'm here to tell you, that's got a limited shelf life. And depending on what age you marry her, it could be shorter. Some can be a little bit longer. What's left after that? And guys, when we're out there, when we're out there dating, especially if you're sexually active with the girl, you're not thinking about that. You're all caught up in the moment. You know, I told Rolo the other day, I started thinking my parents' generation that waited to have sex before they got married. Nowadays that seems crazy, right? But there was actually, other than the biblical reasoning behind it, there was something there that really does make sense, because the minute, and every guy in here who has had sex with a woman, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The minute you become sexually involved with a woman, you no longer think like a rational male. You're now thinking emotionally. You're not thinking you're feeling. Your cognitive abilities are now what a woman's are. You're feeling that you're in love with that woman. And when you're feeling, and I see this on Capitol Hill right now, you may have noticed we've got a number of new female legislators in Congress, and they're very dramatic when they want to push or promote legislation. In fact, they'll cry a lot. And I don't know that the crying is necessarily phony. Some of it may be real. But here's what women know. Women know that crying is a powerful tool. And crying impacts men more than women. Every guy in here, when you see a woman cry intuitively, you go, what's wrong? How can I help? And they know that by tugging at your heartstrings, which is what these legislators are doing, they're going to be able to get through whatever legislation they want to. When you start to legislate or make decisions based on feelings, it never ends in a good place, ever. And you have to realize when you're doing that, you're thinking like a woman. You're not thinking like a guy. I'm not telling you to abstain. I'm just giving you the reality. The reality of what happens. Rolo's dad, who was divorced from his mother, had a great line Rolo shared on the program the other day. Rolo had asked his father before he passed away, why do you marry mom? He said it seemed like a good thing to do at the time. I had a guy calling in my program last week. He's been married for 30 years. He's got three kids. He said, this is not what I signed up for. Because guys, when you get married, we don't think long term. You're getting married for life. You can't get car payments for life. You don't enter into a mortgage for life, but you're getting married for life. And we don't think life. We think about instant gratification because we live in a very hedonistic society. All of us, myself included. I want mine and I want it now. And they don't think about what it's going to look like five, 10, 15, 20 years down the road. What's left? So back to this tweet I put out and I asked the lady, I said, serious question. I said, not to be a smartass. I said, aside from the sex, what is it that you bring or offer that adds value? I said, every woman should answer that question for themselves. I said, the answer is me surprise you. And I really didn't expect her to respond. I didn't expect her to block me. But she actually gave a really good response. She said the whole package, support, adoration. I don't need adoration. Respect that I need. Loyalty. Loyalty, I'm a big fan of Donald Trump's. I don't apologize for that. I voted for Donald Trump. The thing I dig the most about Donald Trump, he's like a mob boss. Loyalty is the most important thing. You're loyal to Donald Trump. He'll buy you the moon. You betray him. He will slit your throat. And you know what I'm talking about. That's the way Trump operates. He's like the Gambino crime boss or something, right? But loyalty, loyalty, loyalty in a marriage. And I'm just talking about fidelity, loyalty to the husband. That is sacrosanct. That's sacred. It's critical. You have to have that. Back to the list she put together here. Loyalty, cleaning, cooking. Now you put those out there nowadays. Oh, they want to go back to the 1950s. No, no. Affection. Massages. Don't fall for the massages. I fell for that. And I think maybe after four times with my wife trying to rub my traps, she said their heart is rock. That was it. We were done with that. Consideration. Great sex. Can I get that in writing and notarized, please? Love, touch, attention, excitement. Here you go. This one's a little different. Financial contribution. That's interesting. Creativity, joy, family, consistency, inspiration, beauty, fun. And then she goes on with one more here. An organizer, a confidant. And again, we'll get back to, you have to be careful what you tell your wife. There's something she doesn't need to know. You don't need to unnecessarily worry her. And you also have to think in the back of your head because everybody says, well, that'll never happen to me. How many guys do you know who have been zeroed out, betrayed, right? You have to be careful what you tell people. I had a friend of mine who was involved in real estate down in Florida. Well, I'm in Florida. In fact, he was in the Orlando area. And he was very successful. And right around the time the market crashed, he looked like what we would call a Tradcon family. Mom was the stay-at-home mom. They had four kids. They homeschooled them. Everything was beautiful until the market crashed. And my friend, who I won't identify, obviously, I guess in a moment of weakness, was crying and confided in his wife that he had been molested by a priest when he was 14. And I'm there like, dude, why did you tell her that? Seriously, why would you possibly tell her that? Even if that's true, why would you give that away? Well, that, you know, she's already, and Rolo says it, it's true. Every, and don't fool yourself. Every woman has a B plan. This chick had a B plan. And this was her gateway right here. When she saw him as not competent, he's not the breadwinner. He's weak. He's molested by a priest. Gee, I wonder if he's been molested by our kids. This whole thing came unglued and got so ugly you wouldn't believe it. And somehow she got an annulment from the church and she's on to her B plan. And he's a broken man. I'm surprised he didn't pull an Anthony Bourdain. But it's because he confided something he should not have confided in his wife. I said, what did you possibly think you were going to get out of that? You don't know. Well, you saw what you got out of it. Back to this, confident, a great listener. A great listener. That's like the number one criticism guys get. You don't listen. You don't listen to me. But this lady's promising to be a great listener. Here's someone who boosts your ego. I guess some guys need that. I don't. It's a very leery of false praise. You know, when somebody compliments you, it's like, okay, what do you want? Kind of a deal. So maybe some people need that. I don't. Let's see, boost your ego and makes you a better version of yourself who supports your goals. That's important. How many guys have I talked to, you know, 40, 50, 60 years old, always wanted to do something, but she wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let me. Well, guess who's in charge of that household? The list goes on and on. Okay, so actually this thing here, this sounds too good to be true. In fact, a couple of people commented, you sold me. Where do I go? Where do I get my unicorn? I want my unicorn now. But those are qualities that you should be looking for in a woman. In a lot of those qualities there, women are taught nowadays, you don't do that. You don't bow to a man. I did a program with Rolo on Friday, my local program. And a quick story here. Had to do with... I won't use her name. Had to do with the superintendent of the public school district where I live. She's 52, 53 years old. I have a picture of her at a party in an outfit that I wouldn't let my 21-year-old daughter walk out of the house with. It's like either you're going to... Because the boots in particular she had on, I wish I could show you the picture. It's like Gene Simmons called, he wants his shoes back from kiss. And the outfit, she was crouched down, the boobs were just hanging out. And a couple of parents, women mind you, on a Facebook page and we're taking issue with it. Is this the way the leader of the school district should look? Or is this the message we want to send to kids? Okay. That lasted maybe about eight comments. Then all of a sudden her girlfriends jumped in. And it was, I mean, it was a cat fight like you've never seen. You're just jealous. You know, you're fat. You're just jealous. I figure, you go girl. You go girl. No woman should ever dress for a man. Anybody that took issue with the way she was dressed, you're automatically slut-shaming. And they're like, wait a minute. You can't slut-shame unless the person is a slut or looks like a slut, right? But that's what they were accused of, slut-shaming. And we did a whole program this week on my local show with Rolo about how a woman dresses. And, you know, we've all heard the joke, honey, does this make me look fat? No, that doesn't make you look fat. The ass makes you look fat, you know? But, of course, yeah, all right. But we got into a bigger issue about whether or not a husband should tell a woman, his wife, what to wear. I've got no problem doing it with my daughters. I mean, before my daughters go out, it's like, let me see what you got on. If it doesn't pass muster, you go back upstairs and you don't go out. But when it comes to the wife, nowadays, it's like the feminine imperative has taught people that you should never submit to a man. A man should never dictate what you wear, how you look. Now, if you find the right one, and I'm not going one-itis on you, but the ideal woman is going to want to dress to please you, the ideal woman is going to want to dress to compliment you, to make you look good. I got a buddy of mine, his wife is a pediatrician at a hospital and they went to a like a Gala fundraiser. She had like a ball got on. Now, he would like to go in his cargo pants or cargo shorts and his flip-flops in a baseball cap, but that would make her look bad. So, of course, he dressed up in a tuxedo, right? But you reverse that and you try to say that to women and all of a sudden, you know, you just don't like women. You're a control freak, you want to control women. But the ideal woman, if you're finding her or looking for her, is going to be somebody who wants to dress to please you. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean modestly, sometimes I know guys, they got a smoking hot wife, they want her to look hot when they go out, they're showing her off. But the woman is dressing to please him, not the other way around. Oh, okay, so how does she add value? We did that predominantly. I'm just telling you, so many guys, so many guys. She looked great. The sex was fantastic. The minute you put the ring on, you say I do, all of that slowly dissipates because you've now lost control of the frame, you've lost control of the narrative. She is now in control. Roll those, roll those guidelines for men getting married. And I've conveyed this to my two sons. My son, Michael, 21's in the Marine Corps, just got back from tour duty in Syria. My other son, David's 20, he's in college. I totally agree with this. Guys, you should not even think about getting married until you're at least 30. Why? You're not ready. Why? You're still in the embryonic stage. You're not fully developed. Why? You don't have enough life experience. What am I supposed to do between 20 and 30? Work on yourself. Get that life experience. You have to have had multiple relationships. I'm not saying to bed everybody. But if you've only ever been with one woman, you don't know what else is out there. You have nothing to compare her to. You need to have had a variety of experiences so that you know what's going to be right for you and your situation down the road. That's solid advice. Not getting married before the age of 30. He goes up to 35. Ideally, you want the woman to be 5 to 7 years younger than you. And I'm going to go even further. I'm going to say 10. And I'll tell you why in a minute. But 5 to 7, that's exactly what I did, by the way. This is before the rational male. I got married at 30. My wife was in that 5 to 7 year range. It worked out well for us. She's somebody that looks up to me. This is this idea of equality or an egotarian relationship. If you're equal, you're eye to eye. You're eye to eye. You cannot look up to the man if you're equal. Or if you're superior, you're looking down on the guy. Marriage, Rolo says all the time, is equality. We're better together than we are apart. The 10-year thing here, I'm going to put this in and I'll tell you why. Especially when you get to be about my age. You're going to notice that a guy, if you take care of yourself, if you're in good shape, you exercise regularly, you don't have diabetes, you don't smoke, all those things, you're not overweight. And especially if you're on hormone replacement you're going to have you're going to be sexually healthy, like a 28-year-old used to be. Not like a 28-year-old is nowadays, but a 28-year-old used to be. There's guys, Anthony Quinn got his wife pregnant when he was 82. He's still knocking it out of the park. Women, there's a biological clock when menopause. It can come early for some women. It can come later for others. But right around that 45, maybe to 53 window is when things start slowing down. She's not going to have the interest. In fact, I was watching some British lady, she's like their version of Joyce Myers. She was talking to, this was on like a TED talk or a YouTube video. She was talking to women about how to get that desire back. She seemed to be talking to a crowd that was around that 40 to 50 age. It's the funniest thing too because I busted up with my wife. She goes, ladies, you need to get that canoe back in the water and just start paddling. I got a charge out of that. But the hormone replacement therapy, let me talk a little bit about that because it's something I know about. A lot of guys go out and get a T. And they do it by themselves. That is a prescription for disaster. If you're going to, if you're married, you're going to look into hormone replacement therapy, it needs to be a joint effort for both the husband and the wife. Because otherwise, those ships are going in different directions and they're never going to pass. And I've seen guys that go on TRT and their wives are going into menopause and it's like they're just their bodies are just moving in very different directions. Don't listen to what she says but rather watch what she does. This is one of my, if you've been to my Twitter page, or my Twitter account on the top, I've got, and it's at twitter.com. This is a universal truth. Universal truth. Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. Why? Because their actions always betray them. That applies to you. It applies to me. It applies to women. Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. Their actions always betray them. I love you. Well, what do your actions say? Watch. Don't listen to what she says to you. And especially during the dating process, if you haven't signed the dotted line, that's the time to do all of this discerning. And this is the kind of discerning that comes with experience. Don't listen to what she says but rather watch what she does. Her actions will always give her away. Always without fail. I'm looking at my clock down there. I've got to jump around a couple things here. Hold on. Oops. I'm having a little trouble with this. I should be going on to the next one. George, anybody? Anybody? Maybe I did something. There's a woman right in the relationship. Can we flip it to the next screen? Please. Let me if I pause it or what. Perfect, perfect. What is my mission, my goal, my objective is the father, the dad. I get this from I used to get this from my kids until I explained what it was about. A lot of people, they see me, I'm strong, I'm overbearing, perhaps. I'm a control freak, perhaps. But they think that you want to control their lives. I don't want to control anybody's life. I don't want to control my wife's life. I don't want to control my kids' life. But sometimes it feels like that from their perspective. Here's what I do have to do. I have a duty. If your patriarch's here, you have a duty. I'm going to say it, a God-given duty. You have a duty to set boundaries for your children. They intuitively thirst for that. They may, you know, I want to do it because their friends are doing it. Like my daughter, my daughter had a dress that she wanted to wear to homecoming. And I took a look at it. Baby, that's not happening. We're taking that back to the store. But this is what everybody else wears. Everybody else is not my daughter. I don't care about anybody else's kids. The only kids I care about are mine. And you are up against a society that is just pushing it, pushing it, pushing it. I think it was Hunter maybe a week or two ago was talking about cell phones. Cell phones and, you know, computers for kids. Kids, I see kids five, six years old with cell phones. Ten years old with cell phones. They need a cell phone. What do you need an iPhone for? Ten years old? Seriously. Well, so I can call mom. I'm talking with full access to the internet. Everybody in here knows what that means, what that entails. And then they'll tell you all their friends do it. I don't care about your friends. You're my responsibility. You're my duty. There's a reason for this, too. The long-term reason is teaching them self-control. If you as a parent do your job right, once they get out of your house, okay, this is like my end objective. If I do my job right when my kids out of the house, my daughters, my sons are out of the house, I want them to make good decisions. I want them to make the right decisions. Not because daddy told them to or daddy made them to, but because I taught them how to make those decisions. If that happens, and I'm not necessarily going to agree with every decision they make, okay? That's not the point. But if I'm able to do that, it's mission accomplished. That's really the role of the mother and the father, but the dad in particular. The dad has a headship role, a leadership role, and it's not popular, it's not politically correct nowadays to say it, but I don't care. Disciplining children, how, and why. I think it was Hunter. There was something that was up either on one of the patriarch podcast or some Twitter discussion. Corporal punishment spanking, okay? I look like a guy that might be a spanker, right? Pretty intimidating. I've never hit my kids. Never. The only possible exception is when one of the girls was little and ran out in the street and smacked her on the butt. I'm of the belief that if I've got to get physical with my children, I got a problem. I got a problem. And a lot of times, when I see people getting physical, it's because they waited too long to get involved with the child. Or they do it out of frustration, or they do it because they don't have the tools, they don't have the coping tools. Now, when I was growing up, I did get spanked. Not a lot. I got the belt from my father, but for every time that I got it, I deserved it. I'm the kind of guy that was the only way I was going to learn. But I've never struck or hit any of my kids in anger. And I don't think it's a good thing for dads to do. Because I've dealt with a lot of people over the years and I've seen the scars, the hurt. And it does send a message. And this is where the feminists will pick up on us and they'll talk about toxic masculinity. There they go, beating their kids, right? They've given them the ammunition to use against me. I got all sorts of tricks when it comes to getting my kids on board. I'm pretty clever. Here's another thing, too. Disciplining children. How, when, where, and why. Any time I've had a problem with any of my children and or my wife, I handle that privately with the kids. I bring them back to my office. I talk with them one-on-one. There's a reason for that. When I was 13, and I saw what happened when other children got disciplined in front of the other kids. And I didn't want that to happen with my kids. So, when I, when I discipline a child, no matter how big or how small, I bring them back to my office. I talk to them. We, we, we hopefully rectify the situation. It's between him and me or her and me. Sometimes I don't even share it with mom. And it certainly doesn't get shared with the other children and Michael. None of your business. What happened to Bridget? None of your business. This idea that everybody has to know everything going on in the household is nonsense, especially when it comes to discipline. Discipline is something I'm, I'm very, uh, careful about. Now I, I mentioned I grew up in a really large house. I never saw my mom and dad fight. Ever. Not even argue. I'm sure they did, but I don't know when. But that also put me at a disadvantage. Because I didn't learn how to do it, right? Stop and think about that for a minute. So parents can have disagreements, not big ones in front of the kids, but you can have disagreements and show you're actually mentoring your children. Showing them how to peacefully resolve issues. Without slamming doors and stomping out of the house. Okay. From a very early age stress the importance of trust and loyalty. Those are two of my biggest things. Trust and loyalty. And let the child know why they're so critical. Even when they're little, I remember my son Michael telling him when he was like five years old, Mike, I have to be able to trust you. I always tell me the truth. Always tell me the truth. I have to be able to trust you because someday you might need me to go to bat for you. And I said, I gotta know you're telling me the truth. Now here's the problem. The guy like me, and you might think I'm big and scary now, I used to be bigger and scarier. And that can backfire. As I look back in retrospect, that, you know, is it better to be feared or respected? Like from Iron Man, right? Is it too much to ask for both? Tony Stark, right? I don't want to be feared by my children. I want to be respected by my children. And you earn their respect by the way you behave as the father. But if you're too scary like me, a kid is almost automatically going to lie because they don't want to incur your wrath. In fact, there's a guy, Brian Tracy who's written a number of books. He's sort of a goal guy. But he had some sort of a deal with his kids where I will never hurt you physically or punish you if you tell me the truth. If you lie to me, I will. That's something, and again, with all this talk nowadays about toxic masculinity, that's something that really needs to be stressed. The trust and the loyalty. Oh, the peer group. Gotta get into this. This is where mommy comes in. Mommy comes in. Oldest of 13. I got two brothers. One I refer to as the black sheep. Both brothers went off the rail and it had to do with their peer groups in those critical teen years. 13, 14, 15, 16. I almost went down the same path they did but by some sort of divine intervention the group I was hanging around with at the time all of a sudden banished. And I was out there by myself and I had to reinvent myself at about 15, 16 years old and at that time I found Rocky the movie and I got into boxing and I loved that. I loved that. But the peer group that your kids are around and this is where mom comes in and this is why mom plays such a critical role and you do too. You need to know who your children's friends are. Especially girls but boys too. You need to know who they're hanging around with because that group especially during the teenage years is going to have so much influence over the course of your child's life. It's critical that you be involved. You can't be AWOL there. But that's an area in particular where mom's mom seemed to have a much better understanding of what's going on with their kids. Especially the girls who they're hanging around with, who their friends are. Moms will talk with other moms. So that's a big one to concentrate on as well. How much time do I have here? I've got about five. I want to get into the story of Michael here, my son. All right. What's my goal as dad? Give them the tools. Give them the foundation. Give them the formula for success. So I talk about my son Michael here who's in the Marine Corps. And when Mike was about... Mike was a little bit of a runt growing up. He wanted to play football, all those kind of things. And he was around 14, 15. He wanted to start going to the gym with me. So I had some success as a power lifter in the 242 pound class. My best ever lifts were let's see, the one meet I wanted in 95. I did a 725 squat 470 bench and a 725 deadlift. That should come out to 1920. I never got the 2000 limit I wanted but I learned a lot from power lifting that I was able to apply to life. So I got Mike into lifting and it wasn't because I wanted him to win trophies. Although I did want him to experience the feeling of being a winner. But more importantly I took him from I think 150 pounds, no 160 pounds when he was 14, 15. Up to 220 when he was a senior. And then that summer he was a senior, we had to get him back down to 175 to go into Marine Corps boot camp. Because at 220 that ain't going to work, right? And you find I could do a lot more chin-ups at 175. But what I did with him is I put a plan down. I put an eating plan down for him. I put a training plan down with him. And we spent time together so we bonded his father and son. You need to find an activity as dad. You need to find an activity that you can use with every child in your family. Now power lifting isn't going to be it for everybody. Some of my daughters wanted to go lift. I brought him to lift with me. My one son David he's not into that. He went a couple times he liked it but not like Michael liked it. So I had to find something else to do with him. You as a dad you have a duty a duty a responsibility to find something you can bond with your children on. Maybe it's going to movies. I don't know what it's going to be. You know your kids better than I do. But you have a duty a responsibility to do that. But the reason I taught him that was that he understood that if you have a plan and you have a way to measure things you will be successful. I wanted him to learn the lesson I learned from power lifting. Because I went out and I got myself a coach. When I wanted to go up to the next level. And he's been able to convey that into other parts of his life. Another thing funny I just had a conversation with him the other day and he was telling me about one of his buddies that got his girlfriend knocked up and he says I find myself giving more and more of your advice. I said what do you mean? He says well I told him he says you know somebody else has gone through what you're going through right now and has written a book about it. He says all you need to do is find that book. I said you better make sure he finds the right book. But he gets it and there's a great deal of truth to that. A great deal of truth to that. So the ultimate objective I guess as I wrap things up here this is how you're going to when you're 75 you're sitting in your rocking chair. On that porch looking back on your life. Ultimate objective I want to make I want my children to make good decisions the right decisions on their own without me telling them or forcing them. If I've done that as a dad it's mission accomplished mission accomplished. I hope this has been of some help. Thank you. What he represents is patriarchy. We're here to do work as men as patriarchy. There's nothing more natural than being a father.