 So today we're going to talk about what men are ridiculously attracted to and when women have these three habits They have a greater chance for success of attracting. Let's call it that high quality man Now before I jump in I want to actually read to you from my blog this morning from Instagram to illustrate a point and The blog goes like this My mother was born almost a hundred years ago Kind of hard to believe that now hundred years ago and at age 16 She met my father once at an officer's ball. This is during world war two period of time And she said at that ball she goes that is my future husband Several year own she was age 16 at the time well seven years later They bumped into each other again and were married shortly thereafter She dated only one man in her entire life and she was married for 66 years before she passed away and Stories like these romanticize the process because dating today is vastly different And I often wonder if every person you ever date So if you went out on a one-hour date you went out on a five-hour date every single date was actually Considered a relationship just play with me for a moment that every date you ever went on was a relationship Most people then Let me just if every person you dated even just once was a relationship then most people in the dating process are Experiencing many many many Relationships unlike my mother is there a grander design happening in human development? My belief that dating today is a new phase in human evolution Allowing one to truly explore their inner world and become more evolved from an emotional perspective What if every romantic? Encounter or interaction is an opportunity to peel the layers of imprinting and trauma that block us from truly being in our sovereignty Okay, so I just said a mouthful there But this is gonna so relate to what I'm about to share with you so stick with me But let's face it if you've been watching my channel, you know I say we are swimming in a sea of Emotional dysfunctionality regarding human pair bonding from avoidant attachment style to anxious attachment style To choosing bad boys to choosing someone like you're emotionally unavailable Parents to those spenders and those users and narcissists and childhood wounds and adult traumas like divorce We are we are in a landmine of a variety of different Circumstances and what I've observed actually as a coach that nearly majority of my clients have had at least five Significant relationships in their life that lasted more than three months. Okay, so when I let me reframe the word significant Let me rewind that they've had five relationships in their lives that have lasted more than three months That's the average client I speak to See unlike my mother had one person her entire life We many of us are experiencing multiple multiple relationships and I believe because of that There's a grander picture going on I believe from a human evolution perspective the days of what my mother experience is go is going to be far in the past I Believe we are actually experiencing a variety of different relationships or Encounters with people so we can learn more about ourselves. In fact the meme that I posted with that Instagram post said the following What if every failed relationship was preparing one for the most important relationship in one's life? The relationship with oneself looking in the mirror What if that is the grander picture happening right now in human development? Whether you are a believer of God universe spirit. What if that is actually happening? So what what's the benefit of knowing all this? Well, the benefit is particularly for those of you who do introspective work who do personal development self-help and spiritual work number one The most the fundamental. Okay. How do I say this? The people who are more likely to achieve what I call a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship are people that know Themselves they really know who they are at a very introspective level. They know what triggers them They know what turns them on they know what who they are. They know their deal breakers They have a real great sense of understanding compatibility And these are the many fact especially and they've studied human behavior. They studied thing the books like Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. They've studied and by the way all the books. I recommend are listed below. They've read the book Getting the love you want by Carvel Hendricks and Helen Hunt to know why you might choose someone like who's like your father or like your mother I have a pattern of choosing women or like my mother. They've even read my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work why I'm recommending why I'm Suggesting this is the more we understand human behavior. The more we understand patterns our own patterns first But the patterns of others we have a greater chance of choosing people that are more aligned with us that are more App to actually go the distance if you're one of those people seeking to go the distance You know, I worked with a woman not too long ago She had what's known as an anxious attachment style and she had a pattern of choosing men who were a devoidant attachment style And those avoidant men those men who were emotionally constipated emotionally unavailable From the very early stages they come on strong and then they just start to bread crumb afterwards Have you ever experienced a man that came on strong and then bread crumbed? Yeah, do you realize that you can actually predict this happening sooner rather than later if you ask the right questions In fact, my entire coaching program if you need right here is a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a Coach is right for you is designed to uncover those people who are emotionally grown up and emotionally mature Versus those who are emotionally constipated So what is the first habit or technique? if you will To being ridiculously attractive to that quality man because we're gonna differentiate those men Those quality men in just a moment. I Think one of the most important fundamental habits is the is the embracing of self-love And as I said in my book self-love is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work It's about knowing thyself. It's about being in your sovereignty We all have childhood wounds in adult traumas We all do and by the way childhood wounds doesn't have to be something radically Significant that happened in childhood. It could even be something benign that makes you have to recognize Everything our parents taught us every single day of our life We as children were absorbing things at a granular level and we have we have forgotten 90% or more of our childhood experiences so we may not be even aware that we have a wound or an experience from childhood and We oftentimes associate childhood wounds with physical abuse emotional like severe physical and emotional abuse And by the way, you could have had loving parents and they could have traumatized you Unbeknownst to you and it's not that it's repressed. It's just We don't have the capacity to remember every single minute of our lives I mean, can you honestly say you can remember every single second you've ever had in your life? No Most people have a hard time remembering what they did yesterday let alone five minutes ago So recognizing that when we do therapy when we do personal development self-help and spiritual work We begin a practice of healing and that's what self-love is about and why is that so ridiculously attractive to a man Because a woman in her sovereignty is a beautiful thing a woman who is in her power Is incredibly attractive and I don't mean masculine energy But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit my feminine energy and just let men leave. No, that's not what it's about Being in your sovereignty has nothing to do with femininity or masculinity It is just being in your divinity when you are in your power In fact, many of you might be wondering what is a high quality man Or woman, I believe it's people with solid character in their life. In other words, their actions consistently match their words They've healed from their past experiences They are generous and kind See sadly most human beings these days are in a self-centric bubble and while they might be At times generous and kind But they're in such a self-centric bubble that they have difficulty being consistently generous and kind You know, I believe a person of character Communicates clearly without wanting to be right. So in other words when there's friction when there's a disagreement With somebody that you're in relationship is you don't have to operate from being right I can communicate clearly what is going on with me And certainly hold space that what is true for you Is your truth I can't invalidate your truth I'm sure you've heard the term gaslighting. This is convincing. Someone's not wrong No, when you are when you can clearly communicate where you're at Without having to be right without having to make the other person wrong. That's a sign of character By the way, people of character They believe demonstrating trust is a paramount in their life the demonstrating trust and trust in relationship isn't just about fidelity trust is This person I'm with there what's in their best interest is in my best interest That is how you develop trust with another person by not putting someone up on a pedestal Not putting someone up above you putting them on the same level of you their feelings matter my feelings matter Their feelings matter commensurately Is that the right word commensurately? I didn't want to say equally Here's the thing about people of character people of character who are in the dating marketplace know the importance that Their actions have consequences. So they don't use people. They are very clear about seeking commitment And while we could date someone for six weeks eight weeks even three months and it not work out They're very clear about commitment and you're in that probationary period But people that are not clear about commitment. Let's take it slow. I don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves Let's just take it slow I don't want to put a label on it Let's just be casual Those are the ones that end up That's those are the experiences where you might feel you might end up feeling used Because people of character are very crystal clear about commitment But being in integrity with their words being an integrity with their words This is so so critically important How many times has a guy said you I want a relationship. I want a relationship I want a relationship. He sleeps with you and all of a sudden I don't want a relationship Well, then then why why weren't you clear about that ahead of time? Now you could simply say I don't want a relationship with you And I recognize that a lot of times we say I don't want a relationship with Want a relationship because it's really I don't want a relationship with you Then then be honest be clear about that with someone because it rather hurts to say one thing and then go Be inconsistent Now people of character they have their act together they have their act together You know their life their life isn't in chaos Now that's not to say that there could be moments of chaos Okay But for the most part the people of character the ground underneath them for the most part is solid Okay And I'm using the term character. We're using the term high quality We're using high value in this and just merely these are attributes and traits for people that are more Intentional in the dating process than the average person these days Now I think one aspect of people of character and again, this is men and women alike They are introspective. They work on themselves. They grow beyond their limitations. They grow beyond their limitations And most importantly they are empathetic In other words, they they operate from a place of Not only I can feel your feelings, but your feelings matter and so do my feelings matter In other words, you they operate from a place of empathy for themselves and for other human beings So one of the unique traits habits techniques that That high quality men and women use When it comes to attracting another person is Discernment that's number two the second habit is discernment What discernment means is you're actually vetting a person early on in the dating process to determine if there's alignment for one another They want to they they they're unafraid to have the hard conversations High quality men are attracted to women who have a capacity to have the more difficult intimate conversations But jonathan, I am told to be in my submissive state of being I have to submit to man I shouldn't make it difficult for him. Of course when you're with broken men when you're with low vibrational men When you are with arrogant men when you are with ridiculously alpha personalities They don't want you to be a high quality person. They don't want you to love yourself They don't want you to be discerning. They want slaves basically They want people to do their bidding. I'm sorry. I'm being blunt when I say this, but that's what they want They want people to operate at their beck and call Because they're incapable of actually being a partner To another human being and when you learn discernment and you're with a high quality man of character He's going to appreciate you much more Because you're both most likely on the same wavelength because guess what? He's vetting you as well. He's vetting you as well It's a two lane street here. I want you to understand this And this is what's ridiculously attractive to that high quality high value man of character And the third habit and technique is discipline The discipline in other words You've heard the phrase doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results What discipline represents in this conversation is the ability to recognize a red flag and sticking to Being more curious about a red flag. It's about sticking to a deal breaker within your life See, here's the challenge for many of us and I'm guilty of this folks We take a red flag and paint it green. We overlook things because we're getting something over here And we overlook some major things over here I believe what's ridiculously attractive is when we can hold to our power. We hold to our sovereignty And when we do that we become incredibly attractive To both genders or from a heterosexual perspective You know Discipline doesn't care how we feel and discipline isn't meant to be absolute willpower Discipline is about standing in your power Particularly when you have a habit of giving your power away and discipline is staying in your sovereignty and your power And let me just say this Discipline in your mindset particularly when it comes to When it comes to The recognition that yes, we are swimming in a minefield of dysfunctionality out there and yet Everybody has the possibility To be the exception and not the rule and what I mean to say is the rule of thumb is yeah A lot of people who are single right now over 50. They're not going to have a relationship. That's the rule of thumb But everybody has the potential when you hold that space of doing that self-love work The doing discernment to doing the inner work to being in your sovereignty You have the potential of attracting an amazing partner in your life I want you to hold that space hold that vision because hope is a wonderful thing And when we give up on hope we find ourselves swimming in the sea of everyone else When we've given up hope And i'm here to encourage everyone to hold that vision to hold that power that it is absolutely Within your grasp grasp to attract a healthy happy relationship Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is I'd like to hear your thoughts Post a comment below. I'd like to hear what you have to say As always if you find if you find value in what I share, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos And if you want to connect with me directly right below or links to schedule a discovery call with me to check out my group Called midlife love mastery to follow me on instagram to get the books. I recommend And also my dating vows are listed below All right It's time for q and a if you have a question There's a little chat box there write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box All of the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there with his brother collin in his name We donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute and also scholarships to coaching as well So hit that little dollar sign our goal tonight is $50. Also if you want to join the hot seat I just put a link right there You can join me live right now hit that link join me live and we can chat You can ask any question and I won't charge you for it. Okay All right, let's see what we have in the way of what people say rebel says awesome Yes, great ideas covered a lot of great ideas. Thank you so much I appreciate that Jane spitfire says I would rather be alone than desperate for a man I can appreciate that Ah Let's see what we've got here If you have a question write the word question Jane says the grocery store man was not my type at all. Some women are desperate for any man Nope, not at all. I think when we're desperate It's because we are lacking in our emotional sovereignty. I think that's what happens when we get desperate We get we disconnect from our own sovereignty Hopefully everyone knows what the word sovereignty me. Oh, Annika's in the house Is there a healthy amount of chemistry for me, it's either intoxicating or overwhelming You know, it's interesting. I interviewed uh some months ago Matt con and joy kingsboro look for the interview you look under my playlist of interviews. It's matt con and joy kingsboro and when they met It was as if they had a soul connection There was an affinity to one another and and within that they had strong chemistry for one another, but it was more I believe that when you connect with that true soul partner You feel it on an energetic level. Not I want to fuck your bones level when you're operating from I want to jump your bones That intoxicating space that oftentimes is um, it could mean From a spiritual perspective that they are a lesson in your life And you're going to learn a lesson from that person and not necessarily go with them the distance So you may want to watch that interview I did on divine partnerships with matt Someone write in the chat box matt con k a h n and joy kingsboro go to my interview go to my interviews And you can find that one All right, jacklyn is in the house Or no julian, excuse me How long does it take for mass to fall when getting to really know someone? uh Well, sometimes never Some people are so entrenched in their wounds and the the The stories that they've made up for themselves and it's all a self-protection mechanism I'll be interviewing someone next week and talking about this in more detail Deb battersley battersley um, but yes, um I think For the most part within the first 90 days people chris rock calls it their ambassador of them best selves I think within 90 days you're going to see more of a person's personality Actually a great way to see their their true personality is travel with them go on an airplane ride together Go somewhere together and see how their personality is when you travel. So the sooner you travel the better uh Uh Lisa says oops, let me just go back here lisa says sometimes It's just doesn't seem worth it to try to date in this day and time defeatist attitude Okay, that's a defeat. Yes. I I recognize that that's how it feels But I don't want you to even give energy to the thought of that I guess that I guess I get how that feels but I don't even want you to give energy to that thought. Okay All right, who's going to donate to the conor asley scholarship fund Brown canita says I was texting this man who is bs all about flash. He rejected me twice I told him i'm from la I let it sit in that if he can call can't call her video chat And call me fake. He doesn't want me. Yes or no I don't know what your question is All right, miss pop pop says If a guy hasn't initiated and asked me out for a second or third date Does that mean they are not interested or should I initiate the second meeting? Let's go to coffee lunch or walk. You know what a lot of man this okay? I had a client once who said jonathan I've gone on 31st dates in the last three years And I've not got a second date. I said that's interesting so So she um, so I was working with her and she ended up having A date and sure enough a couple days go by and he doesn't ask her out on a second date So I told her to write him an email and they happen to live about 30 miles from each other and she wrote him an email saying Hey tim or whatever his name was. Um, it looks like i'm going to be in your area next week um on Tuesday Is there any chance that you'd be available for coffee? You know because i'm going to be in your area and you know what he wrote back He said oh my god. I would love to see you again. I thought you weren't interested in me A lot of times men don't get the vibe that you're interested in them So this is why i'm a big proponent is hey if you haven't heard from someone ask him out If he says if he doesn't respond, he's not interested if he says no, he's not interested But there I would say one third of the time men don't ask out on second dates because they didn't get a vibe You are interested in them. So miss pop pop. I would say give it a try just to see what happens I mean you have nothing to lose To see what happens Hey, I want to give props to onica for the five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much and julianne just gave us a 10 Dollar super sticker. Thank you so much. That means we're 35 dollars away from our goal tonight of 50 dollars Jane spitfires in the house Getting closer to a person does it depend on dating events and communication and memories you share? Mmm Actually getting closer to someone requires Emotional intimacy emotional intimacy. I highly recommend reading this book emotional intimacy and also another book By the way, all the books I recommend are listed below read this book I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationship when you learn how to In a way that you're seen heard and understood When you understand emotional intimacy, that's how you become closer to someone See today most conversations is how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day Most everybody talks about what they're doing in their life And not what they're feeling If you want to connect with someone at a heart centered level It is time to ask those questions about feelings And if they avoid their feelings you have to ask yourself Does this person have a capacity to receive your love if they're unable to dive into their feelings? A lot of men are emotionally constipated. I get that I was emotionally constipated. I've had to do 3000 hours of personal development workshops and trainings to get into a position where I can articulate myself In a way that I can emote emote from my heart So it takes work Leafs wants to remind us traveling with one person is why I always drive if long distance is involved Interesting, okay By the way, does anyone want to jump on the hot seat? There's a link right there to join the hot seat All right, let's keep looking here How did your date go? Would you recommend using a matchmaker? Actually, I canceled the date I'll be candid with everyone. I did a spiritual journey this weekend. Many people know that I use plant medicine to Work on stuff and I realized that I've got some things I I'm working on emotionally And I didn't feel in a space to want to meet someone right now I thought I did but I really looked inward after this experience this past week and I said I I don't want to say I've got some fears. It's just I don't feel like I'm I'm in the right headspace to go on a date with someone. It's interesting I but by the way, I I invited a female friend to join me at the journey So I got the benefit of feminine energy. I've got a meeting of female friend next week And it's non-romantic I'm actually thinking about just spending time with female friends When I say friends acquaintances most mostly That is, you know, like we have, you know, we have Things in common. We have a shared mindset. We're kindred spirits. So I've been investing in that As a way to fill my love cup of feminine energy, if you will because I I don't want to go on a date until I feel like honestly I I really don't want to go on a date. I mean, I know this is gonna this is kind of Fantasy thinking but I want to have my last first kiss. I'll be candid with you. I want to be very selective I don't want to go on a date just for the sake of going on a date I really want to connect with someone hopefully in an organic sense or at least we've connected even in a Cyber way and we spent some time really getting to know each other and then And recognizing if we're compatible with one another. Again, this is what I teach in my private coaching. Check out the links below I'm operating from that place of I'm only going to go on a date when I feel like it's a really good fit for us. So Hopefully that answers your question. Annika. Thank you so much. I want to give Tracy props for the $10 super sticker That mean our goal is $25 left for the evening. So thank you so much Rose writes Why do men feel like we aren't worth it? If we don't have sex with them after just one date it's not a worth issue it's that I'm going to be candid with you I'm a horny son of a bitch like when I go on a date with a woman. I'm like I'm like I want to have sex with them on the first date. I have enough awareness that I'm not going to get that When I was driven like after my divorce. I was so unconscious and and dating My little head was doing the talking And I wasn't in a real good space men who are emotionally broken men who are Are constipated men who are self-centric? This is why I do I help women really Vet for emotional maturity when you can learn the techniques and asking the right questions to determine emotional maturity You are so better off than 99 percent of the women out there That you're going to actually become more of a magnetic attractor for what you want. But why does this happen? Because they're driven by their dicks is why They're not driven by their hearts They want they'd so want to feel love But we are so conditioned we men are so conditioned biologically speaking to spread our seed and believe sex equals relationship success This is why many of every but most everyone believes that chemistry equals relationship success And that's the furthest thing from the truth. Okay, so I hope that answers your question. Arlene writes Hi, Jonathan. It's getting more and more challenging to get a phone call let alone meet and greet. Why is this happening? you know Swiping It is bastardized and marginalized Human connectivity swiping has we have literally I think the last five to ten years It's been so bastardized and marginalized in the dating realm that We just are so Desensitized to treating people with a fair amount of respect And this is true ladies you girls are no pick ladies are I say girls I apologize if I offended anyone you ladies are no picnic either You can be just as much jackasses as men can be Um, let's keep going here Okay Yachwb says question if a guy If a guy's priority has always been drinking buddies, how long do you give him to adjust to making a woman his priority? When he makes the decision he wants to get married He wants a life partner when he has a Long-term mating strategy versus a short term mating strategy when he declares He wants a life partner. He operates completely differently Lisa's in the house. What's resonating with me? Jonathan is that I gave up on a future with a man But I don't want one I don't want one with a woman either Okay, thank you for sharing. I hope you don't give up on on men ladies I'm I I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you the women who win are the women who are absolutely in a space of They're they are they deeply believe Or let me just say this I deeply believe that you have the power to attract whatever you want. I hold that space for you when you're ready for it Okay, let's keep going Ty is in the house question. Why do some guys get turned on when you're calling them out on their mess Because it's attractive because we appreciate your we respect your power I mean I I would say when a woman calls me out on something I actually have a deeper respect because I don't look at her as a doormat I don't look at her as low hanging fruit. That's the way I look at it Leafs is in the house Very honest of you Jonathan. Thank you Does anyone have any personal questions for me? I'm willing to answer those as well Barbara says it may be time to consider taking on a lover if you're not ready to date with intention consider another in another intention you know I've had friends with benefits in my life. I've had hookups I You know what my I want a heart on to go with my heart on I want a heart on to go with my heart on Actually, it doesn't get that high up But I want a heart on to go with my heart on And when and by the way A lover I don't I don't feel a heart connection with a lover. I mean what I mean is Like a friend with benefits All right, Tracy's in the house How could I tell what attachment style is seems like I attract guys who don't value me and don't stay True to their word. Therefore. They have they have been doing a lot of Therefore have been doing a lot of inner work when you value yourself. That's when a man will value you When you are in your sovereignty Broken men that won't value you won't stick around very long So it's not about their attachment style. It's about your sovereignty At least in my opinion anyway. All right, Chrissy's in the house A man I'm A man I am in a serious relationship with and we are very close all of a sudden his ex-wife walked in his house All of a sudden He is quiet in distance. What should I do? Well, I'm assuming this already happened So what did you do because I don't think it happened exactly as you typed it because you're asking what should I do? So Sometimes ex-spouses have difficulty with boundaries, especially when you've been Integrated into someone else's life and now it's broken apart. So for some people they have a challenge with boundaries um I think you need to take a cue from the person who's you're in serious relationship and ask him How did he feel it would share with him? How you felt about it and find out how he felt about it and find out how a boundary can be created So it doesn't happen again. Chrissy. That's how I would approach it if that happened again Most likely she doesn't have good boundaries And I would talk to him about it and I would talk and I would ask yourself How did you feel about it? Why don't you tell us how you felt about it? Margaret is in the house and just gave us a $15 super sticker. That means we're $10 away. Why don't we shoot for $100 tonight then? Lisa says jonathan, I'd go on a date with you if we live closer I appreciate that but I really only want to go on a date with someone where I feel already a connection with them I don't I don't want to do blind dating I just I it's it's If I happen to connect with someone and there's an affinity for the two of us Those are the ones I want to go on a date with but thank you. I appreciate that Let's keep going Rose says thank you jonathan for your advice. I appreciate it. I hope that someday I find that one man Who will be there for me and will say I'm worth it. Amen. I hold space for you as well Tracy wants to know what are the three qualities you find sexy interesting in a woman What are the Who I find sexy interesting I'm very attracted to a woman who is inquisitive somebody who has a Who has an inquisitive mind particularly has an a desire to want to get to know me that's asking questions To me about me and wanting to understand how I think that's one thing I find incredibly sexy I think a woman who is in her power Without having to be right without having to be controlling And I think one of the things I find incredibly sexy as a person who has an agreeable personality I was in a relationship with a woman once where it was like Pulling teak trying to figure out the right restaurant and how to make her happy with so much fucking work I like somebody with an agreeable Personality like an easy layback chill agreeable personality. So for me inquisitive in their sovereignty and agreeable easy-going chill personality Charlene wants to know what does sovereignty mean? Well, it's hey google What does sovereignty mean? Here's the definition of sovereignty supreme power or authority Okay, what it means is being in your power being in your authority being in your autonomy It means not giving your power to someone else meaning you are in charge of your relationship destiny You are in charge of your choices. You don't give that responsibility to someone else That's what it means to be in your sovereignty And I believe sovereignty is an english word so Kings were sovereign of the state as an example Question I am lectured I lectured my serious boyfriend that he should set boundaries with his ex-wife when she walked into his house Without knocking ever since then he is quiet and distant. What should I do? It's because you lectured him nobody wants to be lectured nobody wants to no man If you did that to me, I'd say fuck you. I'm done with you. I'm sorry when someone lectures I'm I'm okay. I'm getting I got agitated. So I'm ranting when someone lectures me That's not a loving act That's a parental act I don't are Parents lecture their children a partner has a conversation with them. So the fact that he's quiet and distant I'm not surprised. I would apologize is what you should do for lecturing him Does anyone agree with me? Should she should she apologize for lecturing him? That's it's it's it's completely different Having a conversation versus lecturing someone because that's his home. He can he could allow her to walk in whenever he want That's on him. That's not on you I know you didn't appreciate it, but it's not your job to lecture him frissy Um, Margaret says great answer. Thank you so much Leaves says Jonathan, I sincerely respect your growth since your channel started. You have some you've come a long way It's interesting. I've got if you all if you folks knew me 15 years ago. I was a true train wreck By the way, very quickly agreeable does not mean no boundaries Exactly agreeable just simply means they don't in fact, it's the opposite They don't have to constantly be putting up a boundary No, I have not started writing a new book Tracy says no lecturing unacceptable exactly Expressing is different than domineering exactly We gin says yes, I agree apologize Brown says I agree. It wasn't his choice. She came over. Exactly. Yeah, he didn't do anything intentional By the way, who wants to join me on the hot seat? I just post the link there All right Well, first off she said I someone says I agree, but he's obviously enabling this behavior first off that is not obvious That's an assumption. Okay Because we don't know what he said. We don't know what he's thinking All right. Now. There's a lot of judgment going on here. Hey, let's let's go down a different train track. So folks my channel Isn't like one of those get your x back or you know, like, you know, how to get a date That's not my channel. My channel is all about individual Empowerment I'm here to encourage individual empowerment better communication skills And recognizing that we human beings are flawed and the more we come at it from a place of compassion and intentionality The greater chance we have relationship success. Oh julienne is in the house julienne really wait one second. I just want to give uh lori some Well, I'll give lori props in a moment. Let's get julienne in the house Hello Smile Well, I was trying to get my dogs to hush. This is the second time I've been on here And I have a lot of questions. I was like, I can't type in fast enough I asked about the masks earlier So I went on a group blind date a couple weeks ago and it it went horribly and It's been about like a year since I've been in a longer term relationship. I was with him about nine months and Going on this group blind date. I'll spare you the details, but What it just made me decide I think I'm just ready to just be Alone, but I don't know if that's like the right one. Why don't you just well, why we better find out what the heck happened So why was it horrible? well, um Okay, so I went with a friend and she's like you have to meet My boyfriend's friend. I want to set you up and I was I kept saying no forever. You mean a double date A double blind date. Yeah And so we all have dinner you and a girlfriend were both on blind dates Well, no her her boyfriend. They've been together for three years And it's her boyfriend's best friend. Okay. So so basically a blind date. Okay, double. Yes So I show up. This is the first time I've met him um, and um, I I've known her for You know, like seven years or so and dinner. I mean it went well and everything. Um, long story short Um, he paid for everybody's dinner, which was nice And it's time to walk back to the car and he's like, may I walk you to your car? But well, first of all, like he did not really ask a whole lot of questions about me I was like, hey, have you been married you have kids and you think that he would reciprocate none of that He just kept wanting to talk about himself and I was like, uh But um, so he walks me to the car and he grabs me and tries to kiss me and asked me to Stay all night with him. I'm like, okay. I just met you like I'm as slow as molasses But he has a really good job And his job is interesting. So I was like I'm a sucker for punishment Glutton for punishment. So I was like, let me give him one more chance. So he Wait, wait, time out. Did you tell your friend what had happened? No, she hasn't asked yet. I think she kind of knows but uh, when did this date happen? How many days ago the day before easter and then the last time I seen him was um a week ago Well that was weeks ago Well, yeah, but like I saw him last week Why aren't you calling your friend and saying this what happened like your friends are supposed to be Protective of you. So that should have been the first thing. Maybe I shouldn't have said friend More like an acquaintance like friend. Like we don't really hang out like on the regular um, so Yeah, so she's you know, but um, I gave him another dinner shot You know, I was like, okay, my mom's like, julie, you know, you're being too picky and so um Went out with him again and the same thing no reciprocation Um, none of that I did I was just I just wasn't feeling it, you know And um, he again, he tried he tried to kiss me and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna slow his molasses You're gonna have to just like did you actually kiss him back? No No, he no, he like grabbed onto my waist and I pushed him away And I was like, no, that's not, you know, especially when the whole dinner conversation Anyway, can I interrupt you julienne for a second? Yeah, I could just like blab on and on No, no, no, no, it's okay. I want to keep going but ladies if you're if you're listening to this right now And that happens in the future. Here's what I want you to say to a man What am I doing that makes you think this is okay? What am I doing that makes you think this is okay? Like in other words, am I giving off a signal? Is it my perfume? Am I giving you the come fuck me eyes? What am I doing that makes you think that kissing me without permission is okay? Like I'm talking to everyone right now juliana when everyone You know, like it could be a man putting his hand on your leg or something or being pushy whatever it is What am I doing that makes you think this is okay? Well, well, that's my first experience I got you weren't prepared for this but i'm saying now to everybody if this happens, okay So, okay, how did the date end and where are you at since then? Um, I told him i'm not interested it ended I told him I was like I told you know the first date that I moved slow And you really haven't gotten the chance to get to know me and um, you don't know if I've been married You don't know if I have kids you don't even really know what I do for a living You like know nothing like you could have said it differently. I'm curious You okay, so here i'm giving teaching here for everybody. Okay, okay, okay I'm really curious why you didn't ask me questions about my life Are you in you know is is how do you get to know a person if you know like I'm curious why you didn't do this like come at it from a place of not Saying what they didn't do come at it from a place of curiosity Like i'm curious why you weren't interested in getting to know about my past relationships about my life Do I have children? What do I do? I'm just curious Like I like do you see the difference in energy? Yeah Like when you said you didn't do this you didn't it's like it's like you didn't do this You didn't do this you didn't do this so like i'm just curious why you didn't do it Okay, I like that a little more gentle and yeah Well, it's no you know what it is it's it's more it's yes I mean I could see how you perceive it as gentle because the other one is harsh right But what it is it's more benign in other words. It's giving them an opportunity To be you know, it's appreciative inquiry. It's allowing them to kind of reflect upon themselves I've been with women. I'm gonna share something with you, julian I've been with women that all they did is talk about themselves on a date Some people are rather nervous Or some people believe that's how you get to know them. They're not they don't understand that They're focused on wanting you to get to know them. They don't recognize the other way around It's it's just an unconscious trigger They're like i'm just gonna tell you about me and you can tell me about you You can I mean you could have said well, I've been married you could have you could have said Oh, I've been married too. I have this I this my job you could have they they don't know how to be in in the space of inquiry Inquiry or inquisitiveness It doesn't mean that they're bad people. It's just they they lack that sense of awareness So the date ended and you're now kind of feeling like i'm done with dating. Is that right? Um Not done, but this is what this is where the question leads to so what is a good time frame to take for Like, you know, how long should one um Not date, you know, and how long is too long because sometimes we can get like settled in uh content complacent in our own ways and um just comfortable even like being single, you know, and it's like I'm I'm happy right now being single, but I still long for that companionship eventually so what is a good Break, you know, and what are some? Like valid things, you know that I could be working on, you know what I mean like in that in that way okay You know, it's interesting. I have a new awareness that was introduced to me When am I willing to share the remote control? on the tv set When am I willing to share the remote control from the tv set? No, I'm just kidding So so you've asked a very complicated question now. Here's the thing just simply say yes or no Do you want to be in a fully committed relationship? Yes Okay, so you want you know, you want that right? Yes so Are you a good communicator in the capacity of Being able to be an active listener without using violent communication Are you are you? Capable of admitting when you're wrong or you keep or do your actions match your words? Do you operate from victim victor consciousness versus victim consciousness? Are you transparent? I mean and i'm just throwing out a lot of things right gotcha Okay, just off the top of your head. Yes or no to everything. I just said Uh, yes to most. Okay. Yes to most. Okay. So with that said Because you could be a royal nightmare for all I know so you could be by the way Every human being can be in a relationship There's a big difference between being in a relationship and being in a healthy relationship. Okay You could have a boyfriend tomorrow if you want everybody on my channel You could have a boyfriend or girlfriend tomorrow. They may not be your type I mean you have the capacity to have a relationship with someone You want a healthy relationship with someone? Well first it requires doing a lot of work on yourself to be in a relationship So the question is when are you ready? Guess what your heart knows the answer to that question Your heart already knows the answer that question And you're gonna be ready Like abraham hick says you're ready You're always getting ready to get ready to get ready to get ready to get ready And when that right person shows up you're ready, you know When you are down on the dating process when you're like, oh god dating is so arduous. Oh my god I'm dealing with all this crap That's not an issue of readiness That's just a bad attitude And if you're bitter if you're jaded if you're frustrated if you're angry if you have contempt Then you will just not attract anyone A healthy relationship you can attract unhealthy relationships all day long So just recognize that your mindset makes up 80 of this readiness Like I want to empower everyone. I want you to know I deeply believe julianne That you have the power to attract a great relationship in your life You have that power within you Now I teach discernment as part of my coaching. I teach how to choose better I teach you how to be more aligned to who you are and what you want. You just may not be educated Most people are fucking clueless By the way, you know, I curse right so Most people are Fucking clueless, you know Most everybody watches my channel everybody thinks they're the exception But i'm telling you everybody is the rule most humans are clueless They believe chemistry equals relationship success And they don't really understand compatibility. They don't understand their own childhood wounds and traumas their own Patterns and things most humans don't get that So to answer your question You could have the most amazing relationship in the next 24 hours. That is absolutely possible But first you have to want it You have to really want it in your soul Okay You then be in your power be in your power. That's that self-love piece. I talked about in this uh self-love piece Be more discerning ask questions before you meet someone you should have asked your friend a lot more question When was their life? That's what was weird. I mean she just told me like, you know, what he did and where he's from Yeah, because you because most humans focus on the surface thing Does he have a good job? Well, yes, that's important But when was their last relationship? Are they do they want a significant relationship? I mean it sound like you asked it some of those questions So be discerning and then last have the discipline to walk away, which you did you walked away from it that discipline Good for you You could have said it a little bit better, but that's okay. We all I think I'm just like on this zero tolerance. Um Like you know like energy right now because I have you see that's not healthy energy I want you to have open the real trick is to be open and receptive to love god universe spirit I invite for julienne and everyone else is watching myself concluded to attract in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship Or we have amazing attraction and connection for one another and the communication between the two of us is off the charts Yes, and we can answer all day long and we can speak to each other without having to be right And when we have conflicts and differences We can resolve them with ease and we're so compatible and our lifestyles are blendable with one another and we share the same values At a core level with one another and we can build the deep roots of trust To establish a healthy happy relationship god universe spirit. I invite that in for everybody julienne myself included Amen Amen Well, okay, so it could happen anytime just have to be um receptive and open and um, all right And it's not that i'm like negative Nancy or anything. I just want to level up this time because I was okay I was married for a really long time to um Somebody who didn't reciprocate. So, you know, it's I guess it's like well no one wants to say Okay, so I want you to put together a list of 25 Qualities and values that are most important to you in a relationship and then come report back to me. Is that okay? Okay 25 25 I was going to make it 50. So you that's a lot 25 is a lot No, it's not that's nothing. Okay. Nothing are these like physical mental spiritual emotional all of it You decide what it is. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug? Ah, thank you. All right julienne. Thank you for being on take care. All right. Take care now You know julienne asked a wonderful question You know first off she shared her story about what happened and I just want to remind everyone that little phraseiology What am I doing to make you think this is okay? Okay? I love that and then secondly being be in your power yourself love be discerning and be disciplined And hold to that space and hold that vision that you can actually attract a healthy happy relationship in your life I hold that space for everyone to have that. I hope this Um, and I hope that resonated with you as well Okay, hit that like button if it did resonate with you If it did post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts and again if you want to connect with me to learn how to be discerning Check out the links below as well All right. Laurie's in the house And she posts a question. Thank you for the ten dollar super sticker I'm 45 never been married have no luck with men I feel i'm too old and i'm starting to mourn the death of my love life Is it too late most men online want younger women any advice first off lori I have Hundreds of thousands of women who had killed to be 45 year old again I'd say I have a lot of clients in their 50s and 60s that would love to be 45 years old again And out in the dating marketplace. You're in a perfect place in your life. You're right at midlife You still have half you've only hit the halfway point in your life So, um, you're in a great place my advice Exactly what I told that other woman. That's the exact advice I offer to you to listen to what I said to julian. Okay. Thank you so much for the ten dollar super sticker Let's keep going Rebel said great jonathan. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Let's keep going wow. Oh my god. I missed all these comments Heather wants to know how long is your list? I have it downstairs remind me and I'll pull it up and speak about it tomorrow I'll share my list of qualities and values that are most important to me All right, folks, you know what we hit our hour mark I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video did have value for you I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below. I'd like to hear what you thought about it If you like this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos And if you want to connect with me directly, check out the links below The schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Check out my group called midlife love mastery. Check out my instagram page. Check out all the books I recommend listed below and Sandra says spot on Jonathan. You are so correct. What I'm doing that gives you an idea It's okay to kiss me spot on late back in the 80s and 90s gentlemen would ask a lady May I kiss you exactly by the way? Some of us men still do that All right, uh, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic child of The barric of self-love. I'm gonna reach in the camera and give you a hug of love at that So I'm gonna she had to turn to someone at that teddy bear pillow and give enter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank leafs and walk a minute and tie and alana. Oh wait, lana and and margaret and Holly and sandra and julianne that was so sweet of you by the way gorgeous eyes julianne You have beautiful eyes beautiful smile. You are a beautiful lady betty says I want to just give props to betty and jennifer and heather and jane spitfire and brown canita And lori thank and everyone who donated tonight. Thank you so much for the love I am so grateful wishing you all a super duper wonderful fantastic evening. Be well. Thanks so much. Bye