 The narcissist push-pull game. The narcissist will push away the people who are closest to them while still keeping them in arms reach because they're trying to protect themselves from their fear of being abandoned. That is why the narcissist is so distant and because of that you will never know who they really are. They will push you away but they will never let you go. They will keep you at a distance but they will still think that you're a part of their life because they see you as something that belongs to them. They see you as their property but they will withhold whatever they think you want and need from them to prevent you from moving on and to keep you wanting more from them. The narcissist will push you away because they don't want you to be close enough to hurt them which is why you may never feel like you knew who the narcissist was because they can never be vulnerable with you. They can never show you who they are but they can't be alone. They need to have people around them. They need people to feel of them. So when the narcissist is around you, they will drain you of everything you have and you will never know who they really are because they keep you at arm's length but they will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. Whatever they think will make you trust them but they will never tell you everything about themselves because they're afraid that if they do that you could use it to hurt them. Because that's exactly what they would do to you. If you confide in the narcissist, they will later use that information against you because they're very selfish. They're not really looking for a relationship partner. They're just looking for power, status and control. They're looking for attention. They're not looking for love. When they first met you, they thought you were the solution to their problems but that soon changes after a few weeks or months because the narcissist never built a foundation for a relationship which is why it isn't long until they come to the realization that you're not ideal anymore. You're just a person. They start to criticize you but they also become attached to you so they believe there's still a reason for them to be with you even if they don't really want to be with you. They believe that they're benefiting from it in some way but at the same time they hate you. They don't want to be close to you anymore. They cannot be intimate with you because they don't allow themselves to be vulnerable. Instead they push you away. They avoid vulnerability and they also lack empathy for you. They don't care about the effects the behavior is having on you. They have an inability to communicate with you and they lack self-awareness which is why they just end up blaming you or they don't tell you anything. As time goes by they will resent you. They will become very bitter. They will feel like you made them do something but they will make you try harder to please them. You will be putting in more and more work to make them happy but eventually they push you so far away that it's hard for you to come back and that's when they really begin to fear being abandoned. They lose the attention they had from you. It makes them feel like they're not good enough but they want to feel important. They want to have power and control over you and that is why they pull you back in but they don't pull you back with love or affection. They use their manipulation. They try to intimidate you because it makes them feel better about themselves. So after they've just pulled you back in they can only push you away again because they're afraid of abandonment. They don't want to be vulnerable because they feel like they're losing control so they avoid intimacy and they will never take responsibility for pushing you away. They will make you feel like you misread the situation or they will say that it was in response to something you so did. They don't pull you back to resolve anything. They do it to keep getting what they're getting from you. They're just thinking about themselves. They're thinking about what will make them feel good. Whether it's going back to you or finding someone else it's never about building anything with you. It's always about them which is why there's no communication with them about this. This is the difference between a person who wants to build a relationship with you and someone who doesn't, a person who is thinking about the future and a person who isn't. If they value your relationship and they're thinking about the future your wants and needs are going to be very important to them. They're going to care about your feelings. They're going to want to know how you feel which is very different to how the narcissist treats you. They can't communicate with you. They can't be vulnerable and they don't care about how you feel. They don't care about what you want and need which is why they never asked you. Thank you for watching. I hope this video has it with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.