 Don't know if I'm gonna end up posting this video or what exactly you want to say in this video But first were my manners that hi lovers. How are you doing? Happy Valentine's Day this video in particular I wanted to talk about my lover who's Jared Brady who you guys have probably seen this channel now for for coming on You know two years at this point We've been together for two and a half years and really really fun fact when I made this Valentine's Day video two years ago And it was it was really hard loving each other And I think it was you know It was for all the reasons that I knew before we even got into the relationship about certain incompatibilities or certain things that Advices that he had That I knew my husband wasn't wasn't supposed to be like that and in that video I said but of course I I would prefer not to be sitting here crying on camera right now I prefer to be sitting here besides somebody you know who I decided was a great fit for me But life goes on and the craziest thing of all I actually spent that same Valentine's Day with Jared Like he was a part of my life at that time We had actually been seeing each other since October But my heart wasn't healed yet and just really speak to the power of really knowing yourself I just knew I wasn't in a place to connect with someone on the in that kind of special deep way And so even though he was around I just I wasn't able to really receive his love or receive him in that way as more than just a fun friend who I hung out with once in a while and Looking back at that video and knowing that I said those things like you know I don't know my next life partner is gonna be I don't know I'm gonna have my next love story and I was I was like really in it at that point I'm always so conscious of doing these kinds of videos that the fact that you could break up with somebody that nothing is forever and we are not married and We live together and we have a wonderful relationship an open relationship as you guys know and things can change but I feel very confident to know that even if two years from now I Watched this video back, and I'm no longer with that person. I would still be like those feelings were fair I'm not gonna be able to get through this video Those videos were fair. I'm So Grateful for the love that I share with you Jared There's so many lies that I used to tell myself about myself so many you know bad lies about me being mean or Me not being able to accept nice people in my life or having no patience I told myself actually before living with you, and I know that this is I'm talking to YouTube people Sorry for saying you I'll switch before me and Jared moved in together. I had concretely told myself I don't do well living with others To be honest with you the only people that I've successfully been able to live with are my parents Everybody else that I've had some kind of problem with I've it just I had a roommate in college There's only six months. We kind of got along well But everyone else whether it be a romantic partner or just a random roommate. I just haven't enjoyed the experience So I told myself that I'm just better off by myself and better off in my own space and for a long time I was I was really happy living alone and being alone and when I decided to move in with Jared It wasn't because I was sick of being by myself. It was because I thought I could try something and to be very frank We did not move in together like let's try this we moved in together like oh you need somewhere to stay for a month You can just stay here while you look for somewhere else to live and then two weeks in I was like I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to leave We work really well together He's very clean. He's very kind. He's very different from me And different from me in ways that I didn't think would would match up and that's part of the beautiful surprise I think that love can bring you is that sometimes It can reveal things that you didn't know that you need that you actually did and there's obvious things in life That we all know that we need you know food water shelter money success family but patience sweetness Innocence I Didn't know that I needed those things and I didn't know what a profound impact having those things in my life on a daily basis could have for me If I was to say the most stark thing that I've learned about love in this relationship in particular is That a good love makes you love yourself more And I don't know if it's supposed to work that way And sometimes I feel guilty for it working that way because I want to have that kind of love for myself regardless of what's happening in the world but to be honest being loved by somebody Who shows you sides of yourself that you didn't exercise before or who gives you space to be your crazy self and accepts that Who doesn't mind that your legs are always spiky? They're never smooth you never ever have smooth legs and they somehow think that's cool The person who like after a while is like I kind of start to like your BO now that after some time of you Refusing to wear deodorant when we're home together all of those little surprising things that you don't think are supposed to make you feel differently about yourself they do they did for me at least and Thank you. Thank you for not only a great relationship for myself. I keep saying you you're not on this is not Jared He lives here. I could just talk to him if I want to This is not a video for him. It's a video for you about him, which I don't even know why I'm doing that now that I think about it I've never known anybody so impossibly kind And I say impossibly kind because I I don't even understand it just so considerate so empathetic So concerned about the well-being of others and I kind of stupid levels like we went to Target the other day and I'm me. I'm just like I'm kind of a toddler. I'm just living You know, I mean like I'm not always very aware of like rules and other people or I just don't care if I am aware of them so we're gonna go buy a stool and He wasn't with me. He was another aisle. So I pick up this stool I ripped the box open obviously because I want to see how it actually looks because the staples don't apply to me Rip the box open and then I'm like, okay I put in the cart and then we're like willing to the exit and I'm into size and I'm like I don't think I really actually want this stool. I'm gonna put it back and then I'm like Let's just I take out the cart and just put it on the ground and he was like We're gonna go back to the aisle and put it back there. I'm like, no, no, no No, it's it's fine here. Like this is like why they have workers. Don't worry about it And he's just like no where we're going back and then we go back to the aisle to put it there And then he realized is that I've ripped the box open. He was like, did you open the box and I was like Yeah, I just want to see how it looked and he spent like time like trying to put the box back together Like that kind of like just, you know, just sweet so many like sweet, you know, we go places and I'll be on the other side of the rope But he's like the rope is here for a reason. Please respect the rules. Don't make these people jobs any harder like let's please just go with the system and I Think it's beautiful that you're like that. I Think it's beautiful that Jared is like that and I'm just so not like that and I'm getting little bits and pieces of that I think that are rubbing off of me and I didn't I kind of like it. I Actually really like it a lot. Happy Valentine's Day to a partner who is fun Inspiring who's clean who is helpful who's considerate whose balance to takes criticism and actually does something about it adjusts to it Somebody who allows me to be my best self doesn't distract me from my work Doesn't distract me from my friendships doesn't try to compete with anybody else that I love just like Embraces who I am and lets me live my best life and finds ways for them to fit in it versus them Dictating how I'm supposed to live react breathe and to the extreme extent of that somebody who allows me to exercise My need to be flirtatious to have exchanges with with other people without seeing that as a Threat or as an indicator that I'm not actually pleased with my primary partner. I'm so grateful that I get to Be my best self in this relationship, and then I get to facilitate Hopefully an opportunity for you to be your best self another thing that I want to say before this video becomes ultra corny Because I think it's important to a lot of you guys who are probably watching this video And maybe at a similar place in your career that Jared is so Jared is younger than me and He is probably in at where he's at in his age Where maybe I kind of was when I was his age in my career So much passion So much love so much desire to do the actual thing so much pain doing it so much push back Doing it so much difficulty doing it no way in all locked doors And I get to feel like I get to be to him what I wanted for me Loving supportive and just sure I'm on my favorite quotes is Steve Jobs. You can't connect the dots looking forward You can't you can't look and say oh, it's gonna go here that go there this will go here Then we're gonna have this shape Because life doesn't happen that linear planned out way you can only connect the dots looking backwards Once you've gone through everything once you've made all the steps and you could say oh, right I didn't get this job so I would get that job So I would move to this place now to meet that person and that's why this all happened and this was why it all happened in this way and He can't connect the dots for himself But I can connect them for him because I know my story and I see so much of myself in him I see so much of my passion in my drive in him And I'm so grateful to be able to be there for someone during this time that I love so deeply and to give them the support and encouragement and the reminder that they're good enough and the reminder that it will work out because You have it he has it all in him and it's so deserving even though deserve is my least favorite word In the human language because it just doesn't make any sense nothing in a lot of people don't deserve what happens to them Life isn't fair life is just that's it life is just life happens Life goes on life continues and sometimes it's a tsunami that washes you away And sometimes it's a wave that carries you to the next greatest destination. You just don't know how it's gonna land But you're just if I could use that word for anybody I'd use it for you You deserve such great things in your life, and I know it hasn't been easy and I See your heart break. So I see Jared's heart break so often Like how I saw my own heart break so often But I see beauty in that and I'm so grateful that I get to be a part of this role This this time in your life for that reason even though it's on those glamorous time to be a part of someone's life To me, it's it's such a meaningful worthwhile life So all in all I was wanting to say happy Valentine's Day, and I wanted to make this as a reminder to anyone out there who's Struggling to find love struggling to find their partner. Just you don't know you really don't I don't know and I still don't know, you know, I mean these are all great feelings and experience that I've had with an amazing person I don't know what it's all going to amount to or if it it has to amount to anything I just know that in this moment and Looking backwards and connecting the dots. I'm so grateful. I'm so thankful. I'm so fulfilled I'm so full with your love and happy Valentine's Day for you Happy Valentine's Day to you you bring out the best in me and Every part of me prays that you can say the same sentence with confidence Because I only want the best for you