 CHAPTER XVIII When Ruth MacDonald got back from camp, she found herself utterly dissatisfied with her old life. The girls in her social set were full of war plans. They had, one and all, enlisted in every activity that was going. Each one appeared in some pretty and appropriate uniform, and took the new regime with as much eagerness and enthusiasm as ever she had put into dancing and dressing. Not that they had given up either of those employments, oh dear no. When they were not busy getting up little dances for the poor dear soldier boys from the nearby camps, they were learning new solo steps were with to entertain those soldier boys when their turn came to go to camp and keep up the continuous performance that seemed to be necessary to the cheering of a good soldier. And as for dressing, no one need ever suggest again a uniform for women as the solution of the high cost of dressing. The number of dainty devices of gold braid and red stars and silver tassels that those same-stayed uniforms developed made plain forever that the woman who chooses can make even a uniform distinctive and striking and altogether costly. In short, they went into the war with the same superficial flightiness formerly employed in the social realms. They were dashing here and there in their high-powered cars on solemn errands, with all the nonchalance of their ignorance and youth, till one, knowing some of them well, trembled for the errand if it were important. And many of them were really useful, which only goes to prove that a tremendous amount of unsuspected power is wasted every year and that unskilled labor often accomplishes almost as much as skilled. Some of them secured positions in the navy yard or in other public offices where they were thrown delightfully into intimacies with officers and were able to step over the conventionalities of their own social positions into wildly exciting Bohemian adventures under the popular guise of patriotism without a rebuke from their elders. There was not a dull hour in the little town. The young men of their social set might all be gone to war but there were others and the whirl of life went on gaily for the thoughtless butterflies who danced and knitted and drove motor cars and made bandages and just rejoiced to walk the streets knitting on the Sabbath day, a gay croton knitting bag on arm and knitting needles plying industriously as if the world would go naked if they did not work every minute. Just a horde of rebellious young creatures who at heart enjoyed the unwanted privilege of breaking the Sabbath and shocking a few fanatics far more than they really cared to knit. But nobody had time to pry into the quality of such patriotism. There were too many other people doing the same thing and so it passed everywhere for the real thing and the world whirled on and tried to be gay to cover its deep heartache and stricken horror over the sacrifice of its sons. But Ruth, although she bravely tried for several weeks, could not throw herself into such things. She felt that they were only superficial. There might be a moiety of good in all these things but they were not the real big things of life, not the ways in which the vital help could be given and she longed with her whole soul to get in on it somewhere. The first Sabbath after her return from camp, she happened into a bit of work which while it was in no way connected with war work still helped to interest her deeply and keep her thinking along the lines that had been started while she was with John Cameron. A quiet, shy, plain little woman, an old member of the church and noted for good work, came hurrying down the aisle after the morning service and implored a young girl in the pew just in front of Ruth to help her that afternoon in an Italian Sunday school she was conducting in a small settlement about a mile and a half from Brian Haven. It's only to play the hymns, Miss Emily, she said. Carrie Wayne has to go to a funeral. She always plays for me. I wouldn't ask you if I could play the least might myself but I can't. And the singing won't go at all without someone to play the piano. Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Beck but I really can't, pleaded Miss Emily quickly. I promised to help out in the canteen work this afternoon. You know the troop trains are coming through and Mrs. Martin wanted me to take her place all the afternoon. Mrs. Beck's face expressed dismay. She gave a hasty glance around the rapidly emptying church. Oh dear, I don't know what I'll do, she said. Oh, let them do without singing for once, suggested the carefree Emily. Everybody ought to learn to do without something in wartime. We can serve sugar and flour. Let the Italians can serve singing and with a laugh at her own brightness she hurried away. Ruth reached forward and touched the troubled little missionary on the arm. Would I do? she asked. I never played hymns much but I could try. Oh, would you? A flood of relief went over the woman's face and Ruth was instantly glad she had offered. She took Mrs. Beck down to the settlement in her little runabout and the afternoon's experience opened a new world to her. It was the first time she had ever come in contact with the really poor and lowly of the earth and she proved herself a true child of God in that she did not shrink from them because many of them were dirty and poorly clad. Before the first afternoon was over, she had one baby in her arms and three others hanging about her chair with adoring glances. They could not talk in her language but they stared into her beautiful face with their great dark eyes and spoke queer little unintelligible words to one another about her. The whole little company were delighted with the new pretty lady who had come among them. They openly examined her simple lovely frock and hat and touched with shy fur to fingers the blue ribbon that floated over the bench from her girdle. Mrs. Beck was in the seventh heaven and begged her to come again and Ruth equally charmed promised to go every Sunday for it appeared that the wayward pianist was very irregular and had to be constantly coaxed. Ruth entered into the work with Zest. She took the children's class which formerly had been with the older ones and gathering them about her told them Bible stories till their young eyes bulged with wonder and their little hearts almost burst with love of her. Love God of course they would try to please Jesus certainly if Mrs. Ruth as they called her said they should they adored her. She fell into the habit of going down during the week and slipping into their homes with a big basket of bright flowers from her home garden which she distributed to young and old even the men when they happened to be home from work wanted the flowers and touched them with eager reverence. Somehow the little community of people so different from herself filled her thoughts more and more. She began to be troubled that some of the men drank and beat their wives and little children in consequence. She set herself to devise ways to keep them from it. She scraped acquaintance with one or two of the older boys in her own church and enlisted them to help her and bought a moving picture machine which she took to the settlement. She spent hours attending moving picture shows that she might find the right films for their use. Fortunately she had money enough for all her schemes and no one to hinder her good work. Although Aunt Rhoda did object strenuously at first on the ground that she might catch something. But Ruth only smiled and said that's just what I'm out for auntie dear I want to catch them all and try to make them live better lives. Other people are going to France. I haven't got a chance to go yet. But while I stay here I must do something. I can't be an idler. Aunt Rhoda looked at her quizzically. She wondered if Ruth was worried about one of her men friends and which one. If you'd only take up some nice work for the government here such as the other girls are doing. She sighed work that would bring you into contact with nice people. You always have to do something queer. I'm sure I don't know where you got your low tendencies. But Ruth would be off before more could be said. This was an old topic of Aunt Rhoda's and had been most fully discussed during the young years of Ruth's life so that she did not care to enter into it further. But Ruth was not fully satisfied with just helping her Italians. The very week she came back from camp she had gone to their old family physician who held a high and responsible position in the medical world and made her plea. Daddy doctor. She said using her old childish name for him. You've got to find a way for me to go over there and help the war. I know I don't know much about nursing but I'm sure I could learn. I've taken care of grandpa and auntie a great many times and watched the trained nurses and I'm sure if Leila Farrington and Bernice Brooks could get into the Red Cross and go over in such a short time I'm as bright as they. Brighter said the old doctor eyeing her approvingly. But what will your people say. They'll have to let me daddy doctor. Besides everybody else is doing it and you know that has great weight with Aunt Rhoda. It's a hard life child you never saw much of pain and suffering and horror. Well it's time then. But those men over there you would have to care for will not be like your grandfather and aunt they will be dirty and bloody and covered with filth and vermin. Well what of that. Could you stand it. So you think I'm a butterfly do you daddy doctor. Well I want to prove to you that I'm not. I've been doing my best to get used to dirt and distress. I washed a sick little Italian baby yesterday and helped its mother scrub her floor and make the house clean. The dickens you did beamed the doctor proudly. I always knew you had a lot of grit. I guess you've got the right stuff in you. But say if I help you you've got to tell me the real reason why you want to go or else nothing doing understand. I know you aren't like the rest just wanting to get into the excitement and meet a lot of officers and have a good time. So you can say afterward you were there. You aren't that kind of a girl. What's the real reason you want to go. Have you got somebody over there you're interested in. He looked at her keenly with loving anxious eyes as her father's friend who had known her from birth might look. Ruth's face grew rosy and her eyes dropped but lifted again undaunted. And if I have daddy doctor is there anything wrong about that. The doctor frowned it isn't that fat chump of a wane right is it because if it is I shan't lift my finger to help you go. But Ruth's laugh rang out clear and free. Never dear friend never set your mind at rest about him. She finished sobering down. And if I care for someone daddy doctor can't you trust me I'd pick out someone who was all right. I suppose so grumbled the doctor only half satisfied but girls are so dreadfully blind. I think you'd like him. She hazarded her cheeks growing pinker. That is you would if there is anybody. She corrected herself laughing. But you see it's a secret yet and maybe always will be I'm not sure that he knows and I'm not quite sure I know myself. Oh I see said the doctor watching her sweet face with a tender jealousy in his eyes. Well I suppose I'll help you to go but I'll shoot him remember if he doesn't turn out to be all right. It would take a mighty superior person to be good enough for you little girl. That's just what he is said Ruth sweetly and then rising and stooping over him she dropped a kiss on the wavy silver lock of hair that hung over the doctor's forehead. Thank you daddy doctor I knew you would. She said happily and please don't be too long about it I'm in a great hurry. The doctor promised of course no one could resist Ruth when she was like that and in due time certain forces were set in operation to the end that she might have her desire. Meanwhile as she waited Ruth filled her days with thoughts of others not forgetting Cameron's mother for whom she was always preparing some little surprise a dainty gift some fruit or flowers a book that she thought might comfort and while away her loneliness a restful ride at the early evening all the little things that a thoughtful daughter might do for a mother and Cameron's mother wrote him long letters about it all of which would have delighted his heart during those dreary days if they could only have reached him then. Ruth's letters to Cameron were full of the things she was doing full of her sweet wise thoughts that seemed to be growing wiser every day she had taken pictures of her Italian friends and introduced him to them one by one she had filled every page with little word pictures of her daily life it seemed a pity that he could not have them just when he needed them most it would have filled her with dismay if she could have known the long wandering journey that was before those letters before they would finally reach him she might have been discouraged from writing them little mrs. Beck was suddenly sent for one Sunday morning to attend her sister who was very ill and she hastily called Ruth over the telephone and begged her to take her place at the Sunday school Ruth promised to secure someone to teach the lesson but found to her dismay that no one was willing to go at such short notice and so with trembling heart she knelt for a hasty petition that God would guide her and show her how to lead these simple people in the worship of the day as she stood before them trying to make plain in the broken mixed Italian and English the story of the blind man which was the lesson for the day there came over her a sense of her great responsibility she knew that these people trusted her and that what she told them they would believe and her heart lifted itself in a sharp cry for help for light to give to them she felt an appalling lack of knowledge and experience herself where had she been all these young years of her life and what had she been doing that she had not learned the way of life so that she might put it before them before her sat a woman bowed with years her face seemed with sorrow and hard work and grime with lack of care a woman whose husband frequently beat her for attending Sunday school there were four men on the back seat hard workers listening with eager eyes assenting vigorously when she spoke of the sorrow on the earth they too had seen the trouble they sat there patient sad-eyed wistful what could she show them out of the book of God to bring a light of joy to their faces there were the little children whose future looked so full of hard knocks and toil that it seemed a wonder they were willing to grow up knowing what was before them the money that had smoothed her way thus far through life was not for them the comfortable home and food and raiment and light and luxury that had made her life so full of ease were almost unknown to them had she anything better to offer them than mere earthly comforts which probably would never be theirs no matter how hard they might strive but after all money and ease could in no way sooth the pain of the heart and she had come close enough already to these people to know that they had each one his own heart's pain and sorrow to bear there was one man who had lost five children by death that death had come in consequence of dirt and ignorance made it no easier to bear the dirt and ignorance had not all been his fault people who were wiser and had not cared to help were to blame what was the remedy for the world's sorrow the world's need Ruth knew in a general way that Jesus Christ was the savior of the world that his name should be the remedy for evil but how to put it to them in simple form ah that was it it was Cameron's search for God and it seemed that all the world was on the same search but now today she had suddenly come on some of the footprints of the man of sorrow as he toiled over the mountains of earth searching for lost humanity and her own heart echoed his love and sorrow for the world she cried out in her helplessness for something to give to these wistful people somehow the prayer must have been answered for the little congregation hung upon her words and one old man with deep creases in his forehead and kindly wrinkles around his eyes spoke out in meeting and said I like God I like him good I like him all the time with me all the time everywhere him live in my house the tears sprang into her eyes with answering sympathy here in her little mission she had found a brother soul seeking after God she had another swift vision then of what the kinship of the whole world meant and how Christ could love everybody after Sunday school was out little Sandra came stealing up to her mine brother die she said sorrowfully what Tony the pretty fat baby oh I'm so sorry said Ruth putting her arm tenderly around the little girl where is your mother I must go and see her down the winding unkempt road they walked the delicately reared girl and the little Italian drudge to the hobble where the family were housed a tumbled down affair of ancient stone toddlerly washed over in some season past with scaling pink whitewash the noisy abode of the family pig was in front of the house in the midst of a trim little garden of cabbage lettuce garlic and tomatoes but the dirty swarming little house usually so full of noise and good cheer was tidy today and no guests hovered on the brief front stoop sipping from a friendly bottle or playing the accordion there was not an accordion heard in the community for there had been a funeral that morning and everyone was trying to be quiet out of respect for the bereaved parents and there in the open doorway in his shirt sleeves crouched low upon the step sat the head of the house his swarthy face bowed upon his knees a picture of utter despair and just beyond the mother's head was bowed upon her folded arms on the window seat and thus they mourned in public silence before their little world Ruth's heart went out to the two poor ignorant creatures in their grief as she remembered the little dark child with the brown curls and glorious eyes who had resembled one of Raphael's cherubs and thought how empty the mother's arms would be without him oh santa tell your mother how sorry i am she said to the little girl for the mother could not speak or understand english tell her not to mourn so terribly dear tell her that the dear baby is safe and happy with jesus tell her she will go to him someday and as the little girl interpreted her words suddenly Ruth knew that what she was speaking was truth truth she might have heard before but never recognized or realized till now the mother lifted her sorrowful face all tear swollen and tried a pitiful smile knotted to say she understood then dropped sobbing again upon the windowsill the father lifted a sad face not too sober but blear eyed and pitiful too in his hopelessness as if he accepted the fact she had told but it gave him no comfort and then went back to his own despair Ruth turned away with aching heart praying oh god they need you come and comfort them i don't know how but somehow on her homeward way she seemed to have met and been greeted by her savior it was so she received her baptism for the work that she was to do the next day permission came for her to go to france and she entered upon her brief training don't you dread to have her go asked a neighbor of aunt rhoda oh yes sighed the good lady comfortably but then she is going in good company and it isn't as if all the best people weren't doing it of course it will be a great experience for her and i wouldn't want to keep her out of it she'll meet a great many nice people over there that she might not have met if she had stayed at home everybody they tell me is at work over there she'll be likely to meet the nobility it isn't as if we didn't have friends there too who will be sure to invite her over weekends if she gets tired she can go to them you know and really i was glad to have something come up to take her away from that miserable little country slum she has been so crazy about i was dreadfully afraid she would catch something there or else they would rob us and murder us and kidnap her someday and that was the way things presented themselves to aunt rhoda end of chapter 18 chapter 19 of the search by grace livingston hill this libra vox recording is in the public domain recording by like many waters chapter 19 all day the shells had been flying thick and fast when night settled down the fire was so continuous that one could trace the battlefront by the reflection in the sky cameron stood at his post under the stars and cried out in his soul for god for days now death had stalked them very close his comrades had fallen all about him there seemed to be no chance for safety and where was god had he no part in all this hell on earth did he not care would he not be found all his seeking and praying and reading of the little book seemed to have brought god no nearer he was going out pretty soon in the natural order of the battle if things kept on out into the other life without having found the god who had promised that if he would believe and if he would seek with all his heart he would surely find him once in a ymca hut on a sunday night a great tenor came to entertain them and sang almost the very words that the stranger back in the united states had written in his little book if with all your hearts ye truly seek him ye shall ever surely find him thus sayeth your god and ever since that song had rung its wonderful melody down deep in his heart he had been seeking seeking in all the ways he knew with a longing that would not be satisfied and yet he seemed to have found nothing so now as he walked silently beneath the stars looking up his soul was crying out with a longing of despair to find a savior the christ of his soul amid all the shutterings of the battle rent earth the concussions of the bursting shells could even god hear a soul's low cry suddenly out in the darkness in front of him there flickered a tiny light only a speck of a glint it was the light of a cigarette but it was where it had no business to be and it was cameron's business to see that it was not there they had been given strict orders that there must be no lights and no sounds to give away their position even though his thoughts were with the stars in his search for god his senses were keen and on the alert he sprang instantly and silently appearing before the delinquent like a miracle halt he said under his breath can that cigarette i guess you don't know who i am swaggered a voice thick and unnatural that yet had a familiar sound it makes no difference who you are you can't smoke on this post while i'm on duty those are my orders and with a quick motion he caught the cigarette from the loose slips and extinguished it grinding it into the ground with his heel i'll i'll have you co-co-co-co-martialed for this stuttered the angry officer stepping back unsteadily and raising his fist in disgust cameron turned his back and walked away how had wainwright managed to bring liquor with him to the front something powerful and condensed no doubt to steady his nerves in battle wainwright had ever been noted for his cowardice his breath was heavy with it how could a man want to meet death in such a way he turned to look again and wainwright was walking unsteadily away across the line where they had been forbidden to go out into the open where the shells were flying Cameron watched him for an instant with mingled feelings to think he called himself a man and dared to boast of marrying such a woman as Ruth McDonald well what if he did go into danger and get killed the world was better off without him Cameron's heart was burning hot within him his enemy was at last within his power no one but himself had seen wainwright move off in that direction where there was certain death within a few minutes it was no part of his duty to stop him he was not supposed to know he had been drinking the whistle of a shell went ricocheting through the air and Cameron dropped as he had been taught to do but lifted his eyes in time to see wainwright throw up his arms drop on the edge of the hill and disappear the shell plowed its way in a furrow a few feet away and Cameron rose to his feet sharply distinctly in a brief lull of the din about him he heard his name called it sounded from down the hill a cry of distress but it did not sound like wainwright's voice Cameron come help he obeyed instantly although strange to say he had no thought of its being wainwright he crept cautiously out to the edge of the hill and looked over the blaire of the heavens made objects below quite visible he could see wainwright huddled as he had fallen while he looked the injured man lifted his head struggled to crawl feebly but fell back again he felt a sense of relief that at last his enemy was where he could do no more harm then through the dim darkness he saw a figure coming toward the prostrate form and stooping over to touch him it showed white against the darkness and it paid no heed to the shell that suddenly whistled overhead it half lifted the head of the fallen officer and then straightened up and looked toward Cameron and again although there was no sound audible now in the din that the battle was making he felt himself called a strange thrill of awe possessed him was that the Christ out there whom he had been seeking and what did he expect of him to come out there to his enemy to the man who had been in many ways the curse of his young life suddenly as he still hesitated a verse from his testament which had often come to his notice returned clearly to his mind if thou bringest thy gift to the altar and there rememberest that thy brother has ought against thee leave there thy gift before the altar first be reconciled to thy brother and then come and offer thy gift was this then what was required of him had his hate toward Wainwright been what had hindered him from finding God there was no time now to argue that this man was not his brother the man would be killed certainly if he lay there many minutes the opportunity would pass as quickly as it had come the Christ he sought was out there expecting him to come and he must lose no time in going to him how gladly would he have faced death to go to him but Wainwright that was different could it be this that was required of him then back in his soul there echoed the words if with all your heart ye truly seek slowly he crept forward over the brow of the hill and into the light going toward that white figure above the huddled dark one creeping painfully with bullets ripping up the earth about him he was going to the Christ with all his heart yes all his heart even if it meant putting by his enmity forever somewhere on the way he understood when he reached the fallen man there was no white figure there but he was not surprised nor disappointed the Christ was not there because he had entered into his heart he had found him at last back at the base hospital they told Wainwright one day how Cameron had crawled with him on his back out from under the searchlights amid the shells and into safety it was the only thing that had saved his life for if he had lain long with the wound he had got there would have been no chance for him Wainwright when he heard it lay thoughtful for a long time a puzzled half sullen look on his face he saw that everybody considered Cameron a hero there was no getting away from that the rest of his life one could not in decency be an enemy of a man who had saved one's life Cameron had one out in a final round it would not be good policy not to recognize it it would be entirely too unpopular he must make friends with him it would be better to patronize him than to be patronized by him perhaps also down in the depths of his fat selfish heart there was a little bit of gratitude mixed with it all for he did love life and he was a mortal coward so he sent for Cameron one day and Cameron came he did not want to come he dreaded the interview worse than anything he had ever had to face before but he came he came with the same spirit he had gone out into the shell fire after Wainwright because he felt that the Christ asked it of him he stood firm and grave at the foot of the little hospital cot and listened while Wainwright pompously thanked him and told him graciously that now that he had saved his life he was going to put aside all the old corals and be his friend Cameron smiled sadly there was no bitterness in his smile perhaps just the least fringe of amusement but no hardness he even took the bandaged hand that was offered as a token that peace had come between them who had so long been at war all this time were ringing in his heart the words with all your heart with all your heart he had the Christ what else mattered somehow Wainwright felt that he had not quite made the impression on this strong man that he had hoped and in an impulse to be more than gracious he reached his good hand under his pillow and brought forth an envelope when Corporal Cameron saw the writing on that envelope he went white under the tan of the battlefield but he stood still and showed no other sign when i get back home i'm going to be married said the complacent voice and my wife and i will want you to come and take dinner with us someday i guess you know who the girl is she lives in brine haven up on the hill her name is Ruth mcdonald i've just had a letter from her i'll have to write her how you saved my life she'll want to thank you too how could Cameron possibly know that envelope addressed in Ruth mcdonald's precious handwriting contained nothing but the briefest word of thanks for an elaborate souvenir that wainwright had sent her from france was the matter with cammy his comrades asked one another when he came back to his company he looks as though he had lost his last friend did he care so much for that wainwright guy that he saved i'm sure i don't see what he sees in him i wouldn't have taken the trouble to go out after him would you Cameron's influence had been felt quietly among his company in his presence the men reframed from certain styles of conversation when he sat apart and read his testament they hushed their boisterous talk and lately some of them had come to read with him he was generally conceded to be the bravest in their company and when a fellow had to die suddenly he liked Cameron to hold him in his arms so far Cameron had not had a scratch and the men had come to think he had a charmed life more than he knew he was beloved of them all more than they knew their respect for him was deepening into a kind of awe they felt he had a power with him that they understood not he was still the silent corporal he talked not at all of his newfound experience yet it's shown in his face in a mysterious light even after he came from wainwright with that stricken look there was above it all a glory behind his eyes that not even that could change for three days he went into the thick of the battle moving from one hair breath escape to another with the calmness of an angel who knows his life is not a birth and on the fourth day there came the awful battle the struggle for a position that had been held by the enemy for four years and that had been declared impregnable from the side of the allies the boys all fought bravely and many fell but for most of them all passing unscathed from height to height corporal Cameron on the lead in fearlessness and spirit and when the tide at last was turned and they stood triumphant among the dead and saw the enemy retiring in disorder it was Cameron who was still in the forefront his white face and tattered uniform catching the last rays of the setting sun later when the survivors had all come together one came to the captain with a white face and anxious eyes captain wears cammy we can't find him anywhere he came a half hour ago and volunteered to slip through the enemy's lines tonight and send us back a message he said in husky tones but captain he was wounded he was the captain looked up startled he said nothing about it he wouldn't of course said the soldier he's that way but he was wounded in the arm i helped him bind it up how bad i don't know he wouldn't let me look he said he would attend to it when he got back well he's taken a wireless in his pocket and crept across no man's land to find out what the enemy is going to do he's wearing a dead jerry's uniform the captain turned and brushed the back of his hand across his eyes and a low sound between a sob and a whispered cheer went up from the gathered remnant as they rendered homage to their comrade for three days the messages came floating in telling vital secrets that were a vast strategic value then the messages ceased and the anxious officers and comrades looked in vain for word two more days passed three and still no sign that showed he was alive and the word went forth missing and missing he was proclaimed in the newspapers at home that night there was a lull in the sector where Cameron's company was located no one could guess what was going on across the wide dark space called no man's land the captain sent anxious messages to other officers and the men at the listening posts had no clue to give it was raining and a chill bias sleet that cut like knives was driving from the northeast water trickled into the dugouts and soft through the trenches and the men shuttered their way along dark passages and waited only scattered artillery fire lit up the heavens here and there it was a night when all hell seemed let loose to have its way with earth the watch paced back and forth and prayed or cursed and counted the minutes until his watch would be up across the blackness of no man's land pockmarked with great shell craters there raged a tempest and even a hun would turn his back and look the other way in such a storm slowly oh so slow that not even the earth would know it was moving there crept a dark creature forth from the enemy line a thing all of spirit could not have gone more invisibly lying like a stone as motionless for spaces uncountable stirring every muscle with a controlled movement that could not stop at any breath lying under the very nose of the guard without being seen for long minutes and gone when next he passed that way slowly painfully gaining ground with a track of blood where the stones were cruel and a holding of breath when the fitful flare lights up the way covered at times by mud from nearby bursting shells faint and sick but continuing to creep chilled and sore and stiff blinded and bleeding and torn shell holes and stones and miring mud slippery and sharp and never ending the long long trail halt came a sharp clear voice through the night pat come here what is that whispered the guard now watch i'm sure i saw it move there i'm going to it better look out but he was off and back with something in his arms something in a ragged blood soaked german uniform they turned a shaded flashlight into the face and looked pat it's cammy the guard was sobbing at sound of the dear old name the inert mass roused to action tell cap they're planning to slip away at five in the morning tell him if he wants to catch them he must do it now don't mind me go quick the voice died away and the head dropped back with a last wistful look pat was off to the captain but the guard gathered Cameron up in his arms tenderly and nursed him like a baby crooning over him in the sleet and dark till pat came back with a stretcher and some men who bore him to the dressing station lying inert between them while men worked over his silent form his message was flashing to headquarters and back over the lines to all the posts along that front the time had come for the big drive in a short time a great company of dark forms stole forth across no man's land till they seemed like a wide dark sea creeping on to engulf the enemy next morning the newspapers of the world sent forth in monstrous type the glorious victory and how the americans had stolen upon the enemy and cut them off from the rest of their army wiping out a whole salient but while the world was rejoicing John Cameron lay on his little hard stretcher in the tent and barely breathed he had not opened his eyes nor spoken again end of chapter 19 chapter 20 of the search by grace livingston hill the slipper box recording is in the public domain recording by like many waters chapter 20 a nurse stepped up to the doctor's desk a new girl is here ready for duty is there any special place you want to put her she asked in a low tone the doctor looked up with a frown one of those half trained americans i suppose he growled well every little helps i'd give a good deal for half a dozen fully trained nurses just now suppose you sent her to relieve misjinnings she can't do any harm to number 29 isn't there any hope for him the nurse asked a shade of sadness in her eyes i'm afraid not said the doctor shortly he won't take an interest in living that's the trouble he isn't dying of his wounds something is troubling him but it's no use trying to find out what he shuts up like a clam the new nurse flushed outside the door as she heard herself discussed and shut her firm little lips in a determined way as she followed the head nurse down the long row of cots to an alcove at the end where a screen shut the patient from view misjinnings a plain girl with tired eyes gave a few directions and she was left with her patient she turned toward the cot and stopped with a soft gasp of recognition her face growing white and set as she took in the dear familiar outline of the young face before her every word she had heard outside the doctor's office rang distinctly in her ears he was dying he did not want to live with another gasp that was like a sob she slipped to her knees beside the cot forgetful of her duties of the ward outside or of the possible return of the nurses forgetful of everything but that he was there her hero of the years she reached for one of his hands the one that was not bandaged and she laid her soft cheek against it and held her breath to listen perhaps even now behind that quiet face the spirit had departed beyond her grasp there was no flutter of the eyelids even she could not see that he still breathed although his hand was not cold and his face when she touched it still seemed human she drew closer in an agony of fear and laid her lips against his cheek with one hand about his other cheek her lips were close to his ear now john she whispered softly john my dear night there was a quiver of the eyelids now a faint hesitating sigh she touched her lips to his and spoke his name again a faint smile flickered over his features as if he were seeing other worlds of beauty that had no connection here but she still continued to press her face against his cheek and whisper his name at last he opened his eyes with a bewildered wondering gaze and saw her the old dear smile broke forth ruth you here is this heaven not yet she whispered softly but it's earth and the war is over i've come to help you get well and take you home it's really you and you're not missing anymore then without any excuse at all she laid her lips on his forehead and kissed him she had read her permit in his eyes his well arm stole out and pressed her to him hungrily it's really you and you don't belong to anybody else he asked anxiously searching her face for his answer oh john i never did belong to anybody else but you all my life ever since i was a little girl i've thought you were wonderful didn't you know that didn't you see down at camp i'm sure it was written all over my face his hand crept up and pressed her face close against his oh my darling he breathed my darling the most wonderful girl in the world when the doctor and nurse pushed back the screen and entered the little alcove the new nurse sat demurely at the foot of the cot but a little while later the voice of the patient rang out joyously doctor how soon can i get out of this i think i've stayed here about long enough the wondering doctor touched his patient's forehead looked at him keenly felt his pulse with practiced finger and replied i've been thinking you'd get to this spot pretty soon some beef tea nurse and make it good and strong we've got to get this fellow on his feet pretty quick for i can see he's about done lying in bed then the wounds came in for attention and ruth stood bravely and watched quivering in her heart over the site yet never flinching in her outward calm when the dressing of the wounds was over the doctor stood back and surveyed his patient well you're in pretty good shape now and if you keep on you can leave here in about a week thank fortune there isn't any more front to go back to but now if you don't mind i'd like to know what's made this marvelous change in you the light broke out on cameron's face anew he looked at the doctor smiling and then he looked at ruth and reached out his hand to get hers you see he said i we miss mcdonald's from my hometown and i see said the doctor looking quizzically from one happy face to the other but hasn't she always been from your hometown cameron twinkled with his old irish grin always he said solemnly but you see she hasn't always been here i see said the doctor again looking quizzically into the sweet face of the girl and doing reverence to her pure beauty with his gaze i congratulate you corporal he said and then turning to ruth he said earnestly and you too madam he is a man if ever there was one in the quiet evening when the wards were put to sleep and ruth sat beside his cut with her hand softly in his cameron opened his eyes from the nap he was supposed to be taking and looked at her with his bright smile i haven't told you the news he said softly i have found god i found him out on the battlefield and he is great it's all true but you have to search for him with all your heart and not let any little old hate or anything else hinder you or it doesn't do any good ruth with her shining eyes touched her lips softly to the back of his bandaged hand that lay near her and whispered softly i have found him too dear and i realized that he has been close beside me all the time only my heart was so full of myself that i never saw him before but oh hasn't he been wonderful to us and won't we have a beautiful time living for him together the rest of our lives then the bandaged hand went out and folded her close and cameron uttered his ascent in words too sacred for other ears to hear end of chapter 20 end of the search by grace livingston hill