 by Sy Howard promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Basko in Italy. Pleasure to read you last letter, especially when you're writing about who and I was the little boy. Yes, this is true. I'm always the wiser, the slow one in a family. Take even a thing like America. Humber discovered it to 450 years after Columbus. Tomorrow, Mama Mia, all Americans are going to celebrate the Columbus a day. You know, is a lucky thing for Columbus. He's decided to discover America in 1492. Because if he's tried to discover it today and he's got nobody to bring him over from Italy, he's never gonna get passed the immigration department. Mama Mia, if Columbus could only see his America, how it's a look today, he could not recognize it. Everything is a change. Instead of a little cabin is a building. Instead of a forest is a road. And instead of a wild Indians is a trafficker cops. Also, Columbus would be surprised to see such a big inventions like the radio, the telephone, the airplane and the greatest American intervention, the hot dog. But tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. All of the night school classes that they're gonna have a Columbus a day exercises in a main high school. Every classes are gonna do something. And in my class, is it gonna put on a play and I'm gonna be Columbus. Of course, some are not really gonna sound like a Columbus because I'm a speaker English. It's too good. Well, I'm a finish of this letter later, Mama Mia. It's a time and hour for my night school class and I'm gonna hardly wait to see what is it like. This play my teacher Miss Pauling is going to give us America. I love you. You like a papa to me. From ocean to ocean. Here, Mr. Olson. Mr. Schultz. Miss Schultz, you are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are simply gorgeous. Mr. Schultz, why that sudden outburst of affection? Because I didn't do my homework today. Mr. Schultz, you know that every time you come in without your homework, I keep you in after school. Now, why do you insist on coming in unprepared? Miss Pauling, you want I should answer you in front of company? Mr. Schultz. I jump in here many Schultz, you make me so mad. Our fine city spends money, so you should get an education, but you just waste it. Now look at me. I'm looking. I give up evenings with my family used to come to school. I give up gymnastics. I give up bowling. Olson, why don't you just give up? Let's have no arguing. Mr. Schultz, I'm keeping you in after school. Oh, she still loves me. That's enough, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, as I told you last week, tomorrow we're holding the Columbus Day ceremonies at Franklin High. And I don't suppose we have to review the facts about Columbus Discovery. That's right, Miss Pauling. Everybody knows he discovered America in 1492. Thank you, Mr. Basko. Don't thank Luigi, thank Columbus. I have here a copy of the little sketch you will present tomorrow night. It runs only three pages and it concerns Columbus trip to America. Miss Pauling, if I may be permitted an interruption, will we all accept the fact that Columbus discovered America? But the real truth is, someone else did before him. Olson, how can you talk like that? But that's a fact, Luigi. A fact that Olson is sometimes you're not so smart. I'm sorry, Luigi, but someone else did discover America. He's right, Mr. Basko. What? Who did it? An other Italian, Amerigo Vespucci. Hey, you know, Olson, you're really smart. For the minute you were worried, hey, Luigi, where I'm sure to know, Olson is never wrong. As a matter of fact, class, Columbus discovered America by accident. He was really looking for a short trade route to the Indies. Olson, how better you could even tell us where he looked like? Yo, I can. Yo, according to the books I studied, Columbus was a medium height, redder stocky, black hair, with flashing gray eyes and a tiny scar on his chin. If anybody sees this man, notify the police or you're lonely. We'll have to make a fine showing tomorrow night. Our principal, Mr. Petrie, will be there, as well as Mr. Campbell, head of our Board of Education. You know, the night school session is his pet project. Don't worry, Miss Pauling, we'll do a fine job. And I'd like to delegate somebody in the class to supervise the presentation of the Columbus play. Miss Pauling, who's it that they're going to be? Mr. Basko, I was thinking of you. Me? Miss Pauling, he's too big an honor. Go ahead, Olson. I see you have the backing of the class. Now here's the play. Now you assign the parts. I'm sure you'll have no trouble memorizing it. It's very short. Miss Pauling, I got the bad memory. I can't remember lines. Well, you have to play some part. All right, then make me the ship. Horowitz, do I detect an error? Did Columbus come over on one ship? Certainly, the Mayflower. You Horowitz, even I know better. What's three ships? That's very good, Mr. Schultz. Suppose you name them. With pleasure. The name of Columbus three ships, what? The Nina, the Pinter, and the Santa Anita. You're the first two, but you guessed at Santa Anita. At Santa Anita, what else can you do? Miss Pauling, Miss Pauling, when we're doing a discipline, can I give it the patch to anybody I'm alike? Oh, yes. It's all your responsibility, Mr. Vasco. Now you put those pages in your pocket and don't lose them. And I'm sure I'll be very proud of you tomorrow night. Oh, don't worry, Miss Pauling, you will. We'll be a knockout, like they say in Hollywood. You're identical. Try identical, but we're going to be so sensational, they'll make us put on a Thanksgiving Day play, a Christmas play, a Lincoln play, and on July 4th. Yes, Schultz. A legal holiday. We take the day off. Hey, Vascolly. Hey, Vascolly, guess what? Tomorrow I'm going to be Columbus. What? Sure, it's all decided. I'm going to be Columbus. All right, Luigi, and I'm going to be Napoleon. I said two nuts to go out and talk to the squirrel. See, we're going to have a Columbus Day play tomorrow. It is in my pocket, and tomorrow morning, Schultz, Harowitz, and Olsen, they're going to come to my store and we're going to rehearse. Oh, wait, wait. Slow down, little banana nose. Any of you ashamed of yourself, a bigger family like you, marriageable age, acting in a play like a little schoolgirl. Luigi, instead of fooling around with that, a night of school with that two and two is a four, and three and one is a five. Well, wait, Vascolly, you all are wrong. Three and one is a not the five, and three and one is a four. Three and one is a machine oil, and don't tell me about it. You might have fallen around with this baby play stuff. You should have been thinking about your home, your wife. Vascolly, what are you talking about? I'm not going to get a home wife. Luigi, this can be arranged. No, Vascolly, please. I'm not talking now about your daughter, Rush. Why not? And don't tell me because she's away 250 pounds. Luigi, sometimes you don't use your ignorance. Think of this. What would you rather have? A skinny, nervous, underweight, the wife, or a bigger, happy, overweight, the wife? Vascolly, I'm like a nice medium, my girl. You're going to take what I got. So, please, Vascolly, I'm going to go now to my store and figure out who's going to do what in my play. All right, go, go, go. Look who's going to play Columbus. You look more like one of the barnacles that was on as a ship. Vascolly, I'm going to be a good Columbus. Now, for you, excuse me. Wait, wait, Luigi. Reason you don't want to marry Rose, that's because you don't spend enough time with her. I'm going to just take it. Why don't you put her in your play? You get to know her better, you begin to like her. No, Pasquale. Don't talk so fast. There's a part for a girl of Columbus who's going to Queen Isabella. Rose is a beautiful. She's looking like a Queen Isabella. She's looking more like the Queen of Mary. Now, Pasquale, no, no, don't push. I'm going to go to my store now and take the three pages and copy out all the parts and... I'll see you later, Luigi. Pasquale, Pasquale, in my play, I'm going to have it right here in my pocket and now it's a missing. Luigi, don't be stupid. How could you pocket a missing? I'm not in the pocket of Pasquale. I'm not in the pocket of my play. Where is it? The where it could have been? Search me. I mean, go look. I don't know. Come on, mummy, it's terrible. Maybe I'm left in a trolley car. I'm going to go out to look. Pasquale, if you find her, please let me know. Sure, sure. Let him know. I'm going to let him know nothing. Come on, I'm not in the pocket of a little Columbus play. My, my, three beautiful pages. Six beautiful pages. Twelve beautiful pages. Eh, what's the difference? There's a lot of pieces. Now, in fact, at Luigi Vasco's Adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And so, mummy, I'm in a terrible trouble. After I'm left to Pasquale last night, I'm going to turn to Chicago upside down and looking for my play. Near the school, I'm going to see a cop, and I'm going to say, please, did you see my Columbus play? Cops have said to try the handball court. But a cop is no helper. So for hours, I'm going to walk around in the streets, looking and looking and looking. All I'm going to find was a two pennies, a high bounce ball, and I want to try the transfer for a good till the 9 o'clock PM east of Bond. Again, I'm going to keep her looking. And I got her the sidewalks of garbage cans. One old lady is a follow me for two blocks, and then she's a put a diamond in my hand, and she's a say, you put a man to take this for a cup of coffee. I'm going to tell her, lady, please, you got a wrong idea. I'm a no selling a coffee. Anyways, the morning now, I'm tired of from a no sleep. And in any minute of my friends, they're going to come in to rehearse the play that I'm not the guy. Luigi, my fellow pooper. Well, am I the first one in for rehearsal, or am I the rotten egg? I'm sure it's just a bad news. I'm lost to Columbus to play last night. Lost to play? Oh, no, Luigi, did you look for? All over all night, I was looking the streets, and old ladies, I want to buy a cup of coffee for me, and a cup as I told me, Columbus, it was a plain a handball. Oh, Luigi, are you for shimmelt? Now look, are you sure you lost to play? I'm sure I said terrible. Smile, Luigi, smile. Like the cow said when it tripped and fell down, what's the use to cry over spilled milk? I'm not going to smile. It wasn't my responsibility. I'm lost to play. I'm not got the Miss Polling's telephone number, school is closed. I'm not going to find it. Shoots, I'm feeling so bad. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, Luigi, into my head, an idea just pooped. At last tonight, we was all looking at the play. Yes. Well, I remember most of it. You do? Sure, sure, smile, Luigi. And what I don't remember, I'll write myself. Well, Shoots, you think you know enough about the Columbus to write this a play? Luigi, don't worry, facts ain't everything. Riders always use it, the imagination. Now look, look at Mark Twain. He never owned a fruit stand, still he wrote Huckleberry Finn. It was time arguing. Mr. Delicatessen, a man, what are you doing here? Until you came in, I was breezing fresh air. Pascuali, now if you don't mind, we are busy. I got to write a new Columbus play for Luigi because he lost the other one. That's right, the Pascuali Shoots says he's a member most of the play. Oh, that's nice. The Shoots, maybe you write in a powder for my daughter Rosa, eh? Absolutely not. And that the case, and maybe I'm going to go to the school tonight to tell him Miss Polling, and maybe she's at the side, it would have been better if you have no play at all, eh? What? You want to do a thing like this, Pascuali? Would you be a stool pigeon? When it's a concern of my daughter Rosa, I'm even going to be a vulture. We are trapped. All right, we give a part to Rosa. No, wait, wait. It's even a help. Horobitz has got such a bad memory. Instead of giving him two parts, we're going to let Pascuali play one. Thank you, Shoots. I'm a little like at the brag, but my wife thinks I've got a profile like a Barry ball. I think you've got a profile like Barry if it's Gerald. Shoots, here comes Olsen and Horobitz. Yeah, we've got no time to lose. Give me quick, a pencil on the paper and we start to write. Well, Shoots, Shoots, I'm afraid. Oh, Luigi, cheer up, smile. Don't worry. Tonight, when all this is over, it will be an experience you will never forget. And then a speck, a light, a light, a light, a light. It grew as grew to be time's burst of dawn. He gained a world. He gave that world its greatest lesson on... It was Henry Robinson of the graduating class of the LaSalle Street Night School, reciting the poem Columbus by Joaquin Miller. And very good indeed, Mr. Robinson. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we close our Columbus Day program with a short playlet to be performed by our charming Miss Spaulding's Night School class up at North Holster Street. As they say in show business, take it away. Go ahead, Luigi. Go out on the stage and read what I wrote. All right. What a wits to get ready. You come on the stage after me. Hello, ladies and gentlemen and friends and Miss Spaulding and Mr. Petry. That's the principal. And Mr. Campbell had support of education and friends and ushers. Columbus. Christopher Columbus was a Discover America and a Columbus a day. Well, for the 19th of 1492, this period of the 1490s was a very happy period and is now known in history as the gay 90s. Generator to discover America was not such a cinch. History proves that Columbus had a tough time. Now, to give you a glimpse, we've toimed back the pages of history to that famous scene between Columbus and Queen Isabella. Come with me and glimpse a little. Queen Isabella, I'm like to ask you a big favor. What can I do for you, Columbus? I wish you to discover no route to the endings. I'm asking you for ships. No. All the explorers I give ships to, they never come back. This is because the world is flat and they fall off the edge. But the no queen of the world is not the flat, he's around. Here, I'm a prove it to you with this egg I'm a brought. I'm a standard on the table. Watch. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, Schultz has forgot to boil the egg. Brave voids from a brave man. Columbus convinced the queen and got three ships. The Nina, the Pinta, and the, it was three ships, believe me. But did Columbus have an easy time on the ship? Toim back the pages of history for another glimpse. Another day still in no land. That's no good. Where's my first to mate? First to mate? Aye, aye, sir. First to mate, the Nina the ship's alive. On the fifth day, the main sail fell down. The eighth, ninth, and tenth days, we went through a hurricane. The sixteenth day, a fire broke out in the gangway. The twenty-second day, the Nina and the Pinta disappeared. It was raining, terrible. And yesterday, the cook fell overboard and got swallowed by a shark. Captain Columbus, I'm afraid. Why? Any day now, we may run into bad luck. Like I'm always to say, sail on from a brave man. A few days passed, again the glimpse. Captain, it is now thirty-four days we've been sailing. Still no land. What are you two Columbus? We just sprung a leak. What are you gonna do to stop at the lake? Well, I already got a pan under the ship. Sail on, sail on. All right, the Horowitz. The discoverer finally found land. And he deserved it too. Anyway, he and his first mate went up on the beach and all they saw was Indians. So now, let's take our last glimpse. Columbus, I am a discoverer in a disland. Any one of you Indians, can I say a few words? What are you saying? Is that all you're gonna say? You only ask for a few words. Speak very well. Then a call. Pocahontas. The men of my ship are the birds in the sky, the fish in the ocean. I'm an almeca-circle. And I'm a hereby name of this place, Columbus Circle. Sure, sir, it was a terrible night. The way people were laughing at us. Oh, I'm sure it wasn't the worst thing they ever saw. What are you talking about, Luigi? We were sensational. Orson, Horowitz, what do you think? I don't know. I was too nervous to think. Well, I told you, sir, some of those things you wrote. Oh, you perpetrated this ridiculous outrage. Mr. Basko, what happened to the play I gave you? I'm sputting. I'm explaining. Oh, our Columbus. So you're responsible for this. Well, what have you got to say? Don't just stand. The play Mr. Sputting hasn't given me. I was unable to carry responsibility. You're absolutely right. You made a laughing stock of me in front of Mr. Campbell. I'm going to have you expelled from night school. Expelled? Oh, but Mr. P- I've made my decision. But, but, but you can't do that to Luigi. He loves school too much. You break his heart. If you saw Luigi out, I'm quitting school too. Even if it means spending evenings home with my wife. Please, Mr. Principal, you can't despair Luigi. I'm the one who brought him from the older country and I'm not how much his education is a meaning to him. I was the one who took away the play from Luigi and tore it up into little pieces. What? Basko, are you dead of that? I'm sorry, Luigi. I've heard enough. My order remains. And, Miss Spalding, I want to speak to you tomorrow too. Put a pan under the ship. I haven't heard that one since potash and pearl murder. Petrie, you old sour-puss. What? Ever got into you allowing such a wonderful bit of entertainment on your program. Well, Mr. Principal. For 20 years I've been hearing the same old poem, play, and pageant. Who was responsible for the sketch? Columbus Circle. This man, right here, Mr. Luigi Basko. Young man, they'll teach you a lot of things in night school. Reading, writing, and arithmetic, but you've learned one of the most important things we can teach you is one of the great qualities of an American is the ability to laugh at himself. Isn't that right, Petrie? Yes. When he's three days, they say he'll laugh. You're right, you're right. It's funny, all right. Believe me, there's a lot to laugh at. Not even. I'm not gonna laugh. I'm gonna laugh, too. Come on, Aros. Happy tonight. They're laughing a lot. You know how there's a city in the United States that's called Columbus, Ohio? Well, I was just thinking, what would happen if your son, Luigi, was to discover America? At the city, it would be called Basko, Ohio. All of a sudden, instead of a Columbia Records, it would be Basko Records. Would it be a Basko picture company? Basko broadcasting a system. And in a school, all the little children, they would be singing Basko the Gem of the Ocean. And I'm your son, Luigi Basko, a little immigrant. You should listen next Tuesday at the same time over most of these stations when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a sigh hard production and is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mac Benhoff. J. Carol Mash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery as Schultz, Mary Schiff as Miss Balding, and Jody Gilbert as Rosa. Joe Forte as Horowitz and Ken Peters as Olsen. Music is under the direction of Lud Gruskin. Bob Stephenson speaking. CBS tops off its Tuesdays programs with one of the greatest quiz shows on the air, Hit the Jackpot. Al Goodman and his orchestra are on hand to bring you some of the famous Goodman brand of music. And Danny Seymour is here to quiz studio contestants and listeners from coast to coast. Have you tried your wits on the current Secret Saying? Well, stick around and stay tuned for Hit the Jackpot, which follows immediately over most of the same CBS stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.