 So you can see why all those people think that you're a sexist pig. Does that make sense now? Do you get why that's not okay? We live, man. Yeah, we'll talk about it. All right. Welcome to episode number 11 11. Holy shit. 91 episode number 91 in total. Holy balls, man. That's 91 times we've sat down here and and fart. Done big fart. Hey. I have killed what's fucking been going on. Well, let's fucking last week was fucking. It's what works been nuts. We've been fucking pulling some long days. And man, we had a shit start to the week last week. We've been filming today. First of all, we filmed the cricket episode, which was last week because this comes out so you can watch that. It's out right now. You can go and watch that right now. Right. But just now today we filmed it and we fucking had cricket balls, bolded us and hit us and shit. I have a hill on my arm that guy. This guy can bowl like 140 Ks. Now he plays like a professionally. He played for Australia and man, it's not right. It's not a safe thing. Yeah, you can understand why someone died from that sport. That guy, you know, feel how Phil Hughes died. The guy we filmed with today was there when that happened. Oh, well, isn't that fucking something? Yeah. Fuck, we won't get into details, but wow, it sounded like it was there would have been rough. Oh, yeah. Well, let me tell you anyway, the reason I bring up the the series that we're filming is yesterday. We have one of the most frustrating days that we've had in a long fucking time. We're not going to mention this guy's name. Okay, just because we don't want anyone to go hate nonium and because I'm sure he feels terrible enough already, but fuck me. The tennis episode is so hard to fucking film. We had it all organized. Everything planned yesterday. We're filming with this guy. He's top 10 in Australia. He's like top 100 in the world. He's like a very good professional tennis player. Right. He's fucking good. He can hit the ball very hard. We had Pat Rafter Arena booked in Brisbane here. So like $100 an hour to go play there. Just stating we rock up. He meets us there. We're due to go on the court to start filming our episode and then some dude comes down. He's like, you can't film here. You don't have permission. And then I was like, oh, it's already organized. Like, have a look at the videos we're doing. We're not like going to we're not going to fucking set a fire on the court. Nothing bad is going to happen. We're not and tennis isn't going to be fucking brought into disrepute like it's not. We're not doing anything bad. Right. We're just fucking having a guy hit some balls at us. It's us that is taking the punishment here. Nothing else. But they are going to go check with marketing. They go check with marketing and of course. No, sorry. You can't film here. I was like, oh, what about one of the outside courts then? No, sorry. We don't want you filming here at all. So that was the start of the day. We had to quickly find another tennis center to film at. We finally find one props to coops. Let us let us on very short notice play there. We film this episode. This guy can serve over 200 kilometers an hour. Right. And we're standing at the net and he's standing on the baseline and serving into us as hard as he can. And we're Michael got it in the fucking head twice at 200 kilometers an hour. It is fucking hilarious. That ball went flying like it's just hitting the body and then we just played a normal set against him and he was drilling the ball at us while we're at the net. We got hit multiple, multiple times. Many bruises. Very painful video. Anyway, we're all happy. We, we, this guy, we pay him a small fee to come on because he wouldn't have done it otherwise. So he leaves and then later that night get a message. Oh, sorry. Tennis Australia want to see the edited video before we post it. So then I'm like, oh, well, Tennis Australia is obviously going to say no because they say no to everything. These fucking organizations. It's like the soccer organization. These fucking tennis Australia. I reckon golf Australia would be just as fucked. They're so worried about their image that you can't have any fun. This is why I fucking quit tennis. And so this, this guy's like, you know, I was like, man, they're going to say, oh, like you've, like, you've, and we've already filmed it. Like we, this episode was meant to be the one to come out just Sunday. Just gone. So we had no time. We can't refilm this. And he's like, and he started freaking out because he's worried his tennis Australia contract was going to get canceled and all this shit. That would literally take cancelies huge amount of money contract just because he filmed a fucking six minute video where there's hitting some balls at us at close range. It's like, it's unbelievable how sensitive this shit is. It's getting better. He's begging us his, and of course we don't want to fucking ruin his career or do anything to damage his career because it's not really worth that, but still super frustrating. Maybe fucking look it up before you say yes. We've literally had this penciled in for like five weeks with this guy waiting for him to come to Australia to get out of quarantine, waiting, waiting, waiting. He doesn't check. He had all that time to go and check. Am I allowed to do this? Would have been fine if he said no in anywhere in that five. We could organize someone else. It's the time that we don't have the lost time. Very frustrating. And to be honest, I'm not even that mad at him. I hate tennis Australia more than anything. Yeah. They're so sensitive. I fuck you, tennis Australia because that man, you came up to us. We acted nice to you, but I fucking hate it every second I spent with you. You fuck in this professional guys contract. It says he's a tennis ambassador. So he has to like uphold the image of tennis in everything that he does. It's like what? What the fuck man? Oh, I'm so glad I never made it. Imagine us as fucking professional tennis players. We would be hated by the organization and I'd be hated with pride. It's it's like Nick Curios. Nick Curios is like fuck. Hey, tennis Australia gets so angry, Matt. Tennis Australia gets so angry at Nick Curios, but he's the most fucking. He's the biggest ambassador of tennis that there is because he is interesting to watch. Have a bit of fucking fun for once. God. So now we have to organize another tennis guy in very short period of time hitting the head twice again. A 200 K's an hour. I have to get hit my spine. He hit my spine. It's such good banter. It was like it was probably our favorite episode filmed. Well, yes, he's going to be a really good episode and now can't show it anywhere. So shit. We even said we'll completely hide your identity. It's like, come on, don't agree to it. And then bitch out after we hit my spine. We've already gone through it. But anyway, so that was the start of our week. It hasn't been very good, but fucking we're fucking just going to push on. We've only got two episodes left to film. Now soccer and tennis again. Oh, fuck. I hate tennis so much and we have some moving on to some fucking bed and use the hunt. We have a very good result from Shane Warren and the hunt. So stay tuned for that. And this podcast is proudly brought to you by manscape.com. If you knew knew knew. Oh, yeah, look, they sent they sent us this shit right here, right? This what is it? It's a fragrance. It's a fragrance. They do perfume now. I've actually been wearing it and was it to girls and one boy spoke to me last week. Oh, man, that's quite nice. It's quite nice, Matthew Brown. It's beautiful. Is it for everywhere? Oh, yeah, everywhere. You can put on your eyes, your eyes, your mouth. Here. Dab it. Maybe the eyes. No, the eyes are okay. Fresh smelling skull eyes might be a bad idea. Anyway, if you want 20% off, use our discount code fully actual. So if you want to buy some manscape shit, any male grooming shit, just use a discount code fully actual 20% off just like that. Go fucking buy some shit. They're they're good. They're it's good shit. A good shit at manscaped. We use it now. All of us, Matt. Matt's got James has got one. Yeah, I got one. Matt's got one. His balls and his girlfriend got one. No, but I got one. It's manscaped. Oh, yeah. Shit's only for men. Yeah, I guess actually in 2021 women could use it. Have it. Yeah, fine then. Easy. Man and woman scaped fully actual discount code 20% off. Yeah, chicks could shave their breasts. Oh yeah, that's true. Hairy tits are not nice. Hey, don't discriminate. All right. Hairy tits are good. Some people like it. No, they're not. No, I don't know. Hairy tits are fucked. I couldn't do it. Come on. Shave your tits. 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Thank you and fuck you, tennis Australia. I'm not going to forget this for a while. Tennis and soccer too. Soccer's been so hard. We don't really need that type of that type of media. Shut up. What do you mean? It's just us getting hurt. It's nothing bad for soccer or tennis. It's fine. So being so sensitive you fucking backwards. Oh, old cunts. Yeah, it's always the old fucks. So old. You have to be a gentleman sport. So no laughing. No one's allowed to talk or have fun. Everyone must be straight faced and shake hands after. Fuck you shut up. Shut up, you old cunt. Yeah, I feel better. I feel better. The podcast, it's like a therapy. You, you, everyone, every cunt's ears is like our listen to our problems. Oh, shit man, shit man, shit man. Okay. Also, reminder, there's a new segment we have where we give advice on people. Advice people have been writing in. I've got a few. Okay. If you have yourself some problems, you have yourself some problems we are now doctors. Send them in and we will give you some advice on your problems just so you can give advice on our problems. Comment down below. All right. Is that everything that we needed to talk about before we move on? Well, okay. Let's lighten up with some fun stories. Okay. I had some fun. Okay. Basically on the weekend, I went with James and Matthew Gregory Brown. We went and had to, we went to golf, but it was like a short golf. It was like pitching pot. We're about 50 meters each hole. Anyway, cut the story short. We're on like a whole up, up higher than these people who are hitting a shot. The final hole is like a hitting uphill. He's uphill from the tee. From the tee. So we've got, I'm going to say, you guys said they're a mother and husband, blah, blah, blah. I, it was a young couple and a father in my mind, but I was very baked. That's what I thought. I was a young couple and their dad. So they're teeing off and you guys are at the hole. Yeah. At the end. No, we're, we're at the hole near their hole teeing off down. So we're crossing over each other. But you're near their hole that they're teeing off. Yeah, we're near their hole. Okay. Basically. And they can't see the hole. They can't see the hole. This dude. So let's call him the son-in-law. Okay. I'm going to say his wife was, that was his father. So there's three people. There was a husband, a wife. Wait one second. You fucking dog. I need you to fucking call that story. BAKE ME! Oh dude, I looked, I looked at you. Oh, I pushed you hard. The perfume fixed it though. Embarrassed. Yeah, the Manscaped Perfume is lingering. I like it. Anyway, sorry. Continue. All right. So basically we've got a husband, wife, and the wife is, you've got the wife's dad. All right. So the fucking father-in-law for the husband. I hate him. The husband tees off and this dude hits the ball. Literally like, I'm going to say less than 10 centimeters away from the hole. I was beautiful. It was a tap in birdie. Like it was unbelievable. The sound of it hitting and. Yeah, it was so hot. I'm sort of baked. So I was a bit delayed with my reaction. I was like, wait, here we go. I can pretend he's got a hole in one. So then I go, dude, you just, you made it. He got a hole in one. Then he's, they like, they couldn't believe it. Like cheering. Then he goes, he shakes his father-in-law's hand. They like, they like, he's congratulating him. It was like a Tiger Woods winning the championship, walking over shaking. He's got his hand. It was so serious. And then I was like, shit, I got to cut this short or it could get worse. Like imagine if I just waited for him to get off. I killed over in laughter because he had said it and he's delaying the, oh no, joking. He delayed that for like a good 40, 50 seconds. Yeah. I was like, oh dude, I'm so sorry. I lied. And he's like, like it was good because the wife had a sense of humor. She laughed at it. She out, our person laughed at the father. The father figure was like. Father-in-law was not happy. Just like knew there was anger around. And he just put his head down. We didn't talk after that. Yeah. We passed each other. I was a little, I felt like I'd done the wrong thing. So I didn't make eye contact. I just kept my head down. Oh, I would have said something. Yeah. You did. The best thing you did was like, it was we were laughing. We're like, oh no. And your, your reaction was, I'm a comedian. I'm prankster that you should expect this. You expect this from me. I think I said that to you guys. Like I'm a professional prankster as an asshole thing to say. But yeah, fuck dude. Had to be there, I guess, but it's fun. It was fun and I had a good time. It made me happy. Well, where you fucking go? Yeah, bloody weekend. Yeah, weekend was good. I just went, me and Mon went and hung out with Mono and just a couple of mates, fucking weekends are fun. It's just the weeks at the moment. Man. What a rough, but the series is where it's the end is soon. And we're just going to get back to just filming some easier videos because we're lying on people. Man, it's hard. Anyway, on this fucking day. Matthew Brown. Matthew fucking Brown, is it? What? What do you reckon? Yeah, it's all right. You're not too excited. He's looking down. You're not sure it seems. Did you forget? No, I forgot to separate the advice questions and the question questions. Oh, no. So I'm just quickly doing that. I'm almost done. Well, you can do that while I read these on this days and by the looks of it. Yeah, there is. Look, there is one diary entry here. Oh, from from you. How? Man, you keep saying how and every week I open the folder and there's another diary entry in there. Well, then don't read it. It's it's in the folder, man. I have to. It's in the papers. So it's in the folder. My mouth must speak it on this day in 1992. Ninjas raped Paul Rudd for the second time. He refused to press charges to see Manly. Fuck that one's going to stir some shit. I can feel that's doing some shit up. I'm going to let it go. But just know I called it. What is going to be someone that's going to go? That's not OK. What men? That's it's a fact that Paul Rudd did. Oh, you're true. Well, tennis Australia ain't going to like that one. Yeah, no one send that to tennis Australia. On this day in 2003, Denzel Washington was a flea. He would hop around on a cat and lay little flea eggs which hatched. This story is speculation at this time and I'm still waiting to hear back from a few sources. Well, it's exciting. Denzel Washington. Did you know fleas can't go in humans? You told me that. No, they can. They just don't because there's not enough hair on us. Oh, so they are OK. I think humans can get flea infestations. Maybe there's a knits and fleas. There's a super area like I've had near. There is something in me. Oh, God. I'm a bubble. OK, the recorder. I'm buying a trumpet. We're not using this shit anymore. It doesn't work. Unless you shove it in, it doesn't work. Oh, man. That nearly stopped my heart from beating. Anyway, on this day, on this day in 2012, feathers were found to be long, wide hairs. So Burdine actually feathered the hairy. Oh, wow. It's a different type of hair. I always thought that. I didn't like he dated a girl and she's got feather hair. That'd be so hot, I reckon. Then you could rip them out. Like, I guess it'd be like what the Indians were, the tribal sort of headpieces. Oh, is that a headpiece? I thought that was just there. Like, they've just got bird hair. Yeah. Nah, it's a headpiece. But it would look good as actual hair. All right. So no one say feathers anymore because it's just hair. What different type of hair? All right. Diary entry. You ready? I'm excited. On this day in 2015, diary entry number 1197 from Matthew Gregory Brown. I spent my lung, let me start again. I spent my lunch break following her at a distance when I saw her spit her chewing gum into a bin. Before I had even had the thought my body was sprinting as powerfully as it could towards that bin. After the bin and shamelessly started feeling around in it, onlookers stopped and stared as I shrieked with desperation, my hands squeezing and fingering through every piece of rubbish. Finally, my fingers grasped it. I yanked my arm and I was holding a piece of chewing gum. I sniffed it to confirm it was hers. It was. Now cackling with excitement, I pressed to the closest toilet stall, ignoring the disgusted onlookers. I locked myself into the first cubicle and began rolling the gum up and down my face. It was sticky. A similar texture to my underwear after multiple fresh wet dreams. I entered a euphoric lust state and I remember quite little of what transpired over the following hour. All I remember is regaining consciousness with the gum mashed and stretched around both my hands and a little brown. Foamy ejaculate was splashed against the door and wall. My voice was tender and I could tell I had been screaming. I was drenched in sweat, but my body and mind finally felt at peace. I knew the urges would soon return, but for now, although fleetingly, I felt complete. Thank you. Go with gum. Go with gum. That actually sounds hot. Go with gum. Yeah, well, yeah, Matt, you fucking, you, of course you think that's hot. Imagine like the people watching when he shrieked in the bean. Yeah, I know. Rummaging around really fast for it. Getting stuck to other things is hard to find. Oh man, that's with gum. That'd be weird. Try it. Try and let us know how you go. I'm Matt Brown, original. All right, Matthew Brown, let's lay some questions down. You want to do questions? That was cute. I like that. There are a lot of questions and they're getting good. They're getting real good. Are they the most liked questions? There are a lot of liked questions, but we have a backlog. So we're getting through. Well, let's just get started with the most liked because we can't spend fucking 30 minutes answering questions. Yeah, that's right. We'll go like six questions. We're not, we're not so backlogged that we're behind. All right. First question is from James Kilpatrick. Oh no, sorry. Kirk Patrick read that wrong. Can I ask a question guys? Do you believe there's a big foot in Australia? And if yes, would you all camp at the place for the weekend? Yes. Keep up the good work. Big foot is one of the things that I probably don't really believe in, but like I would be fucking stoked. We have a different version, don't we? Yowie. Yowie. Yes. Thanks. It's interesting because if you are in like UFOs and you've watched a shit ton of UFOs, docos, then you'd know there's a lot, there's a section in UFOs in the community. There's a section of people that believe that UFOs are deeply connected to big foot and Yowie. Far less evidence though. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I know. The people that talk about UFOs. You take it with a grain of salt, but it's really interesting hearing that. So I'm not going to say I don't believe in them, but I'm going to say that. If there was a chance to meet one, yes, we would 100% go there. But I'm not going to say I do believe them. I'm just sort of like 50-50. I would like to go to where apparently this Yowie in Australia is meant to be because it'd be cool to go hunt, like not hunt for him. I'd want to just have a coffee with him. Yeah, catch him. We're bear trapped. Six of them. Ask a few questions. We'll put him on the podcast. Have a coffee. Next question is from Ed Boycon. What's Michael's odor smell like, Marty? He's usually odorless unless he's like, he's like a, you know, pigs roll in mud and that sort of cools them down and you'd expect him to smell a lot. Well, Michael's always covered in dirt and shit and you'd expect him to smell. And you know, there are a lot of days that it is quite a strong homeless man scent that comes from him. But no, usually he's quite odorless. But bear in mind that I have like only 10% of smell, my smell left. Yeah. I can't smell things. Like I, people always complaining around me about something that smells. I'm just like, I don't know what you're talking about. I just got a new deodorant from James. That's like plus this man's scape scent. Yeah. Refined. Refined. Next question is from Dale Rice. Um, would you ever. Stop. Oh, it's so strong. It's so strong. I just sprayed the cologne about maybe 50 times. Sorry, Matthew. Sorry about that. This is why it takes so long to get through the fucking questions. Fuck me. It's powerful. It's powerful scent. I can't. It smells good. It's just too much. It's very interesting when it's bad much. Like it changes the smell when it's that much. This is a good blog for man's scape. Yeah. It still smells good. It's just much. It's just. Oh, I can smell it now. It hurts to breathe in because it's not much air left. Filled the air. Lucky we're not in a little mini studio. We'll be struggling. Oh man. It's still very intense right now. I can't get a deep breath. Anyway. Next question is from Dale Rice. Would you ever consider working with Shooter Williamson if you had the chance? Yeah. Yeah. We're a big fan. Big Shooter fans. He's fucking very, very funny guy. He's a bit of a party animal though. So, you know, with our new lifestyle, I don't know if we'd be able to hang out. He'd be like a Christmas treat. Yeah. But yeah, fucking massive Shooter fans if you haven't. Very funny guy. If you haven't heard a Shooter, fucking go and check it. Alex Shooter Williamson. Very funny guy. Next question is from Sam Warner. PodQuest for the quest cost. Fuck that up. Between both of you, what's the serious topic of conversation you discussed? Do we ever talk about anything serious? Tennis Australia got pretty serious just now. Yeah. Fuck you. Tennis Australia. Yeah. There's not much serious talk there. Oh, like when it concerns just I'm just trying to think like day to day we have serious conversations about like what we've got to do. Like if it's like shit, we got to do this, be here at this time. Yeah. We take like work things seriously, I guess. Yeah. And death? No. Death. No. Take that away. We don't take death seriously. Yeah. Yeah. Just pretty much work. Yeah. It's just about organizing things. But like apart from that, yeah, it's literally just noises or farts. I'm not using that. Concentrate on the best you can make. That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad. Good job. Good job, dude. That was nice and long. This is killing me. Oh, yeah. So basically it's just sounds and farts. That's the, that's what we fucking do. I don't want to be known as the fuck. Fucking hell. Here we go. Look at all the comments in the last bloody podcast. Oh, I've got to fucking think about that as well. Anyway, next question is from Rhino. Marty, in the in the tackball soccer video, how did you get the embedded tack out of your arm? The doctor just worked it out with her hand. The hospital. But like, yeah, it was, it was, I could have done it. I just didn't know. That's scary. Yeah, I just didn't know. I didn't, you couldn't see where it had gone in. So I was like, you just had to push it down a little bit and then pull it out of the hole. Is that video on the website? I'm not a member. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Cool. You are not a member. Interesting. The next question is from defy underscore you question of the podcast. What's the funniest Michael? What's the funniest thing you've seen Marty do? Fuck me, dude. It's too hard. I can't think of them. Give them. There's so many. There's no standouts because it's just so many standouts. Is that the same for you, Marty? Yeah, exactly. There's just so many standouts that none of them stand out. You know what I mean? Next question is from Donut Films. If I send you guys my dead foot skin, will Michael eat it on the podcast? No. But maybe put it on your tongue. I'll just rest it on there and then spit it out. It depends how it smells, I think. Yeah. And like, I'll eat my own skin. I don't want to eat some. He could be poison. It could be a trap. Yeah, it could be anthrax. I reckon... I don't want to put it inside me at all. What if you just place it on your tongue? Yeah, I don't want to have my tongue even. A sniff. Clearly a sniff. Come on, a sniff. Oh, yeah. Put it on your lips there. Oh. And then spit it out. Yeah, I don't want no one skinning it. But send it in. Send it in. Send it in. I'll have a fondle and I'll touch it. Anything could happen on the day. It depends what... You know what I mean? If it was right now, because tennis Australia's ruined my week, no. But if it was like, you know, two weeks time when this fucking series is done and I can relax. If we can catch him at a good time, so just send it in. And worst case scenario, we'll play catch with it. If you put it in your mouth, I'll put it in mine. I have someone doing it with me. Because I'll put it in and then you'll say, No, a gentleman's agreement. Yeah, your gentleman's... When have I ever not done a gentleman's agreement? Many, many, many. We have a gentleman's agreement. It is on camera. I cannot get out of this. If you put it in your mouth, I'll put it in mine. What about you first? Will you do it then? Oh, yeah. I fucking... I'll do it. All right. Done. All right. I like this question. This also got a lot of likes. How do you guys perform academically straight A's or F's? Well, I didn't do too bad at school. School was fucking boring. And did you ever get caught cheating on a test? I think there's a story where you want to be copied each other. There was... Funnily enough, there was one test in school. Like, I'd barely... I think this is like the only time I ever cheated. I cheated for other people. Like, I would do Michael's assignments and help him cheat. But I... This one test, I was sitting next to this girl and she's... It was pre-organized. She's like, yeah, yeah, you can copy. And then I would copy, but I would, like, word it in a way that was better. And then we got the results back. And I got an A and she got, like, a B plus. Oh, wow. Was she caught? Yeah, she was like, what the fuck? Oh. Funny. But yeah, I did pretty good at school. But I remember the QCS. It's like this big last exam for the year. I got... You do a practice exam and then they release the results and you can see how high you got. And I got, like, fifth highest result out of our class of 300. And everyone was like... I didn't know that. Because everyone was like... Everyone just literally... Because I was just drunk all the time at school. Everyone's like, dude, you fucking cheated. No one believed me. No matter what I said, no one believed me. See, he's naturally smart, Marty. He doesn't have to do much. Well, it's just smart. It's when it comes to logical thinking and stuff. You can be smart in many different ways. Yeah. You know, smart isn't just what you get on a fucking test. Some people are really socially smart. Some people are street smart. Yeah, it's just smart comes in many different ways. Yeah, well, yeah. You got, what, an OP8 and you didn't even try. Yeah. You got an OP5. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, yeah, Marty was just... He'd do my assignments for me. School, I did not try at all. I got over it. School is more just you went there to socialize with your friends. Yeah, you learn how to deal with people. Yeah. That's what school teaches you. It teaches you social skills, most importantly. And, you know, I used to make a little business doing people's assignments. Yeah. And would charge... I've told this story before. I used to do his assignments and I'd charge $100 for an A or $50 for anything else. And Michael would... Was like, oh, yeah, yeah, got results for the assignment. Oh, I got a B plus. I don't even remember doing that. But apparently my mum... And then we went over to Michael's house and his mum was like, Oh, did you hear Michael got an A on his assignment? I was like, oh, really? I would have told mum. I would have told my mum that you did it because I was always honest with her. She did not mention that. She did not mention that. I don't know if she ever talked to us about it. I can't remember her. You should call your mum and tell her that Marty did your assignments. I only ever did like two or three. Yeah, yeah. You did my tennis assignment? Oh, yeah, that too. Yeah. That was Mayhem. But yeah, school... Don't try much in school, guys. Just think outside of school. Well, no, use school to figure out what you want to do with your life and just fucking learn how to talk to people because that serves you far better than fucking being able to get an A on some test, some cunt, right? That's true. There you go. That's good advice. That's why we give advice segment soon. That is it. That's it. We finished the advice segment. All right. Next segment. I'll do one last question. All right. These are good questions. It's from Swade Schmidt. Have you guys ever seen the gloriously fucked movie, Wolf Creek? And what are your thoughts on that? I don't think it was that fucked. It was pretty boring. It was good. It's like a, it's a pretty good horror movie, but like... It's based off true story. Yeah, it's a true story. But it's not, it's just a serial killer in the outback. It's creepy as fuck, but... Yeah. And yeah, like... She could be better. She goes there for a vlog. Oh, yeah. With the place where you go and your car fucks out because of the... We should go there for a vlog. We're doing that. What happens to them? I'm going to try and the Wolf, we're going to try and find the Wolf Creek killer. I think he was found. Ivan Malat. Yeah. Was that Ivan Malat, was it? I think it's part of that story. Wow. There you go. Yeah. Just do like a seance there and try and contact the people he killed. Yeah, that would be lovely. Maybe see some aliens while we're there and who knows, maybe even get a bloody Yaoi. They should have Bigfoot chocolates in America. Like we have Yaoi chocolates. Yeah, they're coming back. I've seen a couple of Yaoi's. Yeah, Cabri. Cabri's being back. Oh God. Chocolate. Esther's got so much chocolate from Easter. And I just cannot help myself. Do you have it? Such a little piggy sometimes or not. I unwrapped a little one. Yeah, especially when you're stoned. You can't help yourself if it's there. Just some trivia for Wolf Creek. It's based on true events that surround Ivan Malat's murders and Bradley Murdoch's murders. That's horny. So two different murders. That's the best. All right. Next segment. What is it? Advice. What are we doing that? Break it up with the heart. Yeah. All right. We've made some massive progress. In fact, we finished our second successful hunt. Everyone. All right. So the latest, we told you guys we were contacting his son, Jackson Warren on Instagram. He got back to us. He's like, yep, it's all good. We, what we say to him. We're like, oh yeah. Can we get a video of Warney spinning? Can the king of still spin? Still spin. Spinning could be cricket. It could be actually physically spinning around in a circle. So yeah. So any type of spinning, we didn't specify what type of spinning. So the hunt was can Shane. We're just checking if Shane Warne can still spin. And he sent us this video. G'day Marty and Michael at Shane Warne here. And guess what? I can still spin. How good did Shane Warne look? I'll do it later. I'll do it after. Just remind me. Okay. So that hunt is successful. But Shane Warne can still spin. All right. Now Shane Warne also has a new gin. What's it called again? Oh, shit man. Shane Warne. Right. He's releasing a gin. He did ask us very politely if we wouldn't mind plugging his, his gin. And since he sent us that video of him still spinning, we thought we'd better fucking do it. So it's called 708 gin. Okay. So not that it's the word seven, the word zero, the word eight gin. So it's a gin. So if you want to try Shane Warne's gin, I hear it's very good. All you got to do is just Google 708 gin and you'll go to the website and you try it out. If you do try it, let us know how it is because we're curious. I like to see how fucking Warne's fucking gin is. Warne also has a cricket star academy that he's launching. All right. And he's going to help develop grassroots cricket. All right. He wants us to mention that as well. He's helping our kids. Yeah. If you want to, if you want to get your kids involved with some early cricket and Shane Warne's going to get taught by Shane Warne, sportsstaracademy.com slash cricket. Fucking get your kids fucking in there early. Can't because cricket players make some bank and give him the gin and the cricket player we filmed with today was a fucking legend. You're a fucking good dude, bro. Very, very good. But yeah, there you go. So the hunt, another successful hunt. Round of applause, gentlemen. Yes. The second successful hunt. So now it's up to you guys and us to decide who we hunt next. What's the next hunt? Can't. Yeah. What's the next hunt? Can't comment what you want the hunt? Can't to be someone Australian or international or something. We could do a thing like we could try and buy something rare. We could do something cool. Open your fucking minds and your heart will follow. Yeah. What's the next hunt? Can't comment that. That's very. That is like a special way to do it. It's very professional. Do you know why they call it seven zero? Because it's made with seven hundred and eight people. That's it. Do you know why? That was good. Oh man, it's been a long day. It's been a long, long day. That was very good. Anyway, so that's fucking shameless for you. You've got a Jin next segment. We open shit live that you send to our P boxing. This isn't all of it. If you sent us some shit, what've they opened it at all? There's a big pile over there of shit. It's hard sometimes. Too early time. So this one has a return to sender. London. Now I'm gonna fucking open this and let us see what is inside. Oh yeah. Try and keep that available in case it's like we have to return something so I can remember the address. We have one book shaped book wrapped in wrapping paper. The wrapping paper says this is the shit we like. This is like Christmas right now. Yeah this is every fucking week it's Christmas. Beautiful. To Marty and Michael. There's a note by the way. To Marty and Michael. I thought you would appreciate the wrapping paper. It's my favorite. The wrapping paper just has country written on it and yes it is fucking delightful. I love this. It's cute. Just I'd love to see a kid like a kid who can't read yet have his presence wrapped in this. That would be funny. I'm gonna do that. Damn it. All the kids I know can read. Yeah. Anyway maybe when we have another baby. Just wanted to send you both a bit of a light reading. Stay fucking awesome. You guys are the best. You're the best. You're the best best best. Lots of love from Danielle Hyman from London UK. Instagram Danielle Hyman D-A-N-I-E-L-L-E Hyman H-I-G-H-M-A-N-P-S to the podcast listeners that haven't signed up to the University of Markle. Do it. There you go. Fucking plug to the University. Danielle you're a fucking legend. Let's see the books that she sent us. Michael's gonna give you a follow now on the gram. 52 things to do while you poo. Let's have a little just look here. All right. So you got word finders. You got mazes. You got find the baby with the dirty nappy. You've got the average person spends three years of their life on the toilet. Huh. Little facts in there. Little book on things to do while you poo. Thank you Danielle. Very thoughtful of you. I've got a pen. A pen and a book. Cooking with semen. 50 delicious recipes. Oh we have semen. So you can think about how long, what's the shelf life of semen? Oh it's just a diary. Yeah. Oh it looks like you're a fucked like fucked person if you're eating it. Yeah that is great. That is good. You can write all your thoughts in there. Sophie from Victoria in Melbourne. Pull strip to open. Okay. Oh wow that's cool. I've never done that before. For all three of us. So an eye mask like to help us sleep. That's cute. It's kind of what the fuck is this? You don't know what these are? This is worse than the gremlins. This is a fucking shit. I'll pour it. Give us a look. Right. We've never said that we want this. Send this without any context. Sophie. Thank you but fuck off at the same time Sophie. No one will use this. I will take it home though. Yeah give it to your girlfriend. I can't even put it on. It's too small. Matt can't put it on either. Oh wow it's fucking tricky. It's pretty like feels nice. It's silk. I've never worn them. I don't know. I'm actually into it. All right we'll keep it on like that. I'm into it. Thanks Sophie. Sophie like thank you but also like you just fuck off with that all right. Don't fucking send that shit. Yeah that's probably back into a bath. Don't send us that unmasked shit. The same week Dennis Australia fucked us. Oh look the pens say hello cunt. That's from Danielle. So Danielle said oh that's cool. Look we got the fucking books. Anyway I'm moving on to the next segment where we and this is the name of it. We'll face each other and then we turn to the camera with a smile and we follow our arms like this. Okay. Do you need advice? And that's the name of the segment. All right. All right this is where you guys send in problems that you're having, problems that you need advice with. I've got about eight. And we're here to help you all right. I wish to remain anonymous. My wife just got a new co-worker who starts next one Monday. Who's her new co-worker? A girl I accidentally cheated on with my wife on five different occasions. They know who each other are and hate each other but have never met face to face. I know there will be fireworks and maybe a little fighting any advice. So the chick he cheated on his wife with is going to work with his wife. So they know about each other though? And yeah. But so the wife knows that he cheated on her with this woman. Okay. But there's nothing you can do. You just sit back and watch the fucking fireworks unfold come. Man how would you want like how would you let your wife work with the chick you cheated on? It's not her choice. It's her fucking job. But the only thing you can do is support your wife and fucking reassure her because she's going to be feeling pretty shit and just make her make it well or unless you want to divorce your wife and you can support the other one. But you need to pick a side. You can't keep fucking both sides here. Pick a side and then support the fuck out of that side and hate the other person, even if you don't. Wow. I really enjoyed how he goes. I accidentally cheated on her. Whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops. Oh, yeah, made me itchy. You made me all itchy. I can still smell the scent. It's calm. Down now. Oh do you want me to read it? Oh Matt Brown, that'd be fucking great. Can't that'd be fucking great. Can't what is my asshole itch so fucking much Oh, dude. So many reasons could be why. Michael, you're an expert in this field. We are. This is a good question. Worms, but it's probably not. Hemorrhoids itch. Most likely you have not wiped your ass properly. Now, this is, it's common. It's a common thing. It's when you're in a rush to go somewhere, you've got something on. You don't have time to complete the wiping. Because sometimes, and I know that I'm not lying here, you can continue to wipe forever. Like you are made of crayon. It's just always there. Crayon, crayon, always. A continuous issue with people with hemorrhoids is that you continuously have shit just to keep wiping. It takes a long time. Yeah. So like, it's literally, it's because you've just got to wipe until you can wipe hard enough and there's nothing coming off. So like, just wipe better and then you're probably going to be okay because it's normally the case. But don't put it down because sometimes you can not wipe and you can have an itchy ass and you can get G spots for days. Yeah. So Michael's saying that sometimes the itching is very euphoric. But if you want to get rid of the itchy ass, if it's because you haven't wiped, just get a wet cloth. Maybe the ones you use to do your dishes and just gets wetness in there to help completely wipe it away and then it should go. And if it's not, then you've got another problem. And probably throw that out. Don't put it back. Oh, well, you can put if you put a bit of dishwashing soap on. What's the problem? Okay. What's the problem here? Yeah. Okay. You can use. Save your dollars. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Recycling. You're right. Sorry, dude. But yeah, you also embrace it. Enjoy it if it's there. Which is because you have a shower and it's gone and you'll miss it sometimes. So you got to go shit again and yeah, you know, it's a whole fucking loop. So if it's there, enjoy it and shower properly. If it's, if you want to avoid it, just wipe better. That's great advice, shit king. The king of shit. Would you do one more? Yes. Nice one. Advice question from Liam G. Oh, did they want to remain anonymous? No. They haven't mentioned it. Sorry, Liam. You should have warned me. I don't think I'm any good at sex. How do you guys deal with it? Depends how old you are. You get better at sex the older you get. The more it's just one of those things practice makes perfect. Man, I was fucking pretty shit house when I first started out. Yeah, I remember it was rough. But it's like you just get better at it the more it's just a confidence thing. Some people will fucking mature sexually earlier. Some people don't don't stress out about it. It'll happen, man. It'll just fucking one day just going to be awesome in bed just like us. Yeah. And depends what type of sex you like to have and what depends what type of sex the person having sex with likes to have. Yeah, it's very clean, clean, clean. It's a fly in here and a fly in the top. Yeah. So you can do research if people like loving sex. They can be you can learn how to do that. If you like rough hardcore stuff, you can watch porn and learn. Yeah. Yeah, I think practice makes perfect. Yeah, have heaps of wanks in front of people. Oh, and communicate with your partner. Oh, my God. The best. No, no, no, no, no. You don't laugh it off. If you want something in the bedroom, if you want something in the bedroom, tell your fucking partner, don't play these games, don't play those games where you sit there and go, Oh, I really want him to, you know, do me. Do you want to get your dick sucked? Ask to get your dick sucked. Exactly. It's a comfortability and get a yes. Don't just jam it in there. And the more comfortable you get with sex, the easier it is to talk about these things. And again, the comfortability comes with experience and dawn it over and over again. So fuck as much as you can. It's like a bird, a cockatoo. I like that. But yeah, just have fun with it and confidence is key. Cake. All right, moving on to the next fucking segment. If you guys like that advice, by the way, comment some more issues and we'll fucking, we'll fucking get a hold of them and fucking kick them out of the fucking park. It's fucking, it's fucking, it's fucking Ach du lieber, ach du lieber Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch. Ach du lieber, ach du lieber Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch. Time. And this is a segment where I casually and calmly read very common German phrases as if I'm speaking to another German person and you guys get to hear what that would sound like. Okay, fuck. This has turned into some sort of circus. I fart and I yelling German and everyone laughs. Which means do you want to sell me for stupid? Which means are you kidding me? So that's something you say to someone when, you know. They're joking around. No, it's like, like, what do you, what do you fucking mean? Can't, huh? That's so fuck. Now I know how the haze works. Now I know how the haze works. Now I know how the haze works. Ha, ha, ha! Which means literally now I know how the rabbit runs. Oh, fuck off. Which means, I know what's going on here. So you've come home, your wife's having sex with another man. You could say, yet's vice ish, DIEHER DER LUVT! Oh. E shemen, miss! E shemen! You're not as well as they once were. I'm ashamed of being underground in the basement, I'm ashamed of being underground... Ground. I'm ashamed of being underground in the basement, I'm ashamed of being underground in the basement, Good, good, bought, shamaneth, bought and done. Which means I shame me in ground and floor, which means I'm very ashamed. So if you do something very embarrassing, like shit your pants, you might say shamanish and go on board. And they'll understand. Very good. Germany, very good. Very good today, Germany. Well done, Germany. Your communication sounds terrific. All right, time for a fucking final fucking segment. And we've got a fucking belt, snortler, ripfew, fucking dogs. For the prank call today, we're going to do the abusive partner prank call. So this is every fucking door shut in my house. I'll go check. Go on, open a map. Wide. Hey fucking find another thing. Please shut up, please shut up, Ralph. I'm sorry, mate. I'm wondering if I could place an order for a pickup. Just from, yeah. I don't fucking do it done by fucking six o'clock, I can't. Sorry, I'm sorry about him. He's, yeah, we're just wanting a pickup. We just wanted two pizzas and a pizza for our kids. Do you guys do kids' pizzas or is it just, Ralph, Ralph, stop, please. Do you guys do kids' pizzas or is it just like adult ones, just the normal size? You fucking dumb cunt, you don't know where I am, mate. You fucking twist my cock. You twist my cock like a pretzel. Okay, we'll just go with maybe, yeah, two kids' pizzas. They like ham and cheese. Can we just get the ham and cheese, please? God knows what. Can we just get the ham and cheese? Yeah, on the- I'm getting the hammer. I'm getting the hammer. I'm building my- Ralph, stop, please, stop. I'm building your fart next door. We'll just go with, yeah, just to, we'll get two ham and cheese kids' pizzas, please. No, we don't! You fucking slut! Yeah, just two ham and cheese pizzas, please, for the kids, kids' sizes. Yep. Where's your shit? Also, just wanting- Ralph, what pizzas do you want? Please calm down, Ralph. What pizzas are you wanting? Give me a rum and corn pizza! I'll just go with a vegetarian for me. Could I get the spicy veg, please? And could I get that on puff cuts? Sticky tape, round your tits! Yeah, I'll just go with a- Yeah, on the puff cuts. Sticky tape, sticky tape, sticky tape! And we'll just get him and me brothers, I think, and just go with thin and crispy for him, I think. Yeah. Denny L. Break my fucking fingers, off of your fucking arse, if you don't look at me right now! Okay, sorry. Oh! And what about drinks? What do you want to drink, Ralph? You mean in the back with your head! So, yeah, we'll just go with some Coke, if that's all right. Coke and cola. And just, yeah, just a Coke. And I think you've got, like, the new desserts. Have you got, like, a lava... I don't care, wonderful! Yeah, yeah, they seem good. Are they big? Because, like, yeah, just... Would one be okay for two kids, or should I get two? I'll snip your fucking foreskin off, Sandra! We'll get one of those, and we'll go with the churros, if that's okay. That is the desserts you have. Bring me your fucking slot! Um... 0401? Don't you dare give me my... Ow! Ow, ow, ow! You don't fucking give me my phone number! Oh... Sorry, he doesn't... I can't... I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Look at me! He doesn't want his number given. He's just... He's real whack with that sort of stuff. I'm deaf! Look at me, everyone! Yeah, sorry, man. I've got a grab of a number, if that's all right. Okay, we'll just go with 0401... Write it down! Write it down and send it over next door! Because I'm not dealing with it! 621. You are a fucking dirty, slutty... You have to give the number, Ralph! You have to give the number! Yeah, um... Take my back with your fucking cum! I want you to come to see it through my skin! Do you understand me? I'm so sorry, I couldn't... Wrap my testicles around your pinky finger! Okay, thank you. That's with me! Have sex with me, cancel that order! Die, die, shit! I can't make that food, I never cancel it! Can you even cancel? You have to call them and give them! Always cancel! You couldn't do it! Dude, they're gonna make the food! Mate, we're pranksters, we're not the devil! You're gonna see these podcasts! Oh, my fucking neighbors, dude! They would have heard all of that! Oh, man, that was hard work! There's shit on the walls! I had to tune out so hard and so much of it! You played real victim then, I thought you were just gonna ignore it, but you kept playing victim? Dude, did you give them a number? Yeah, we're just gonna look and cancel that order for Danielle, we just got a sprocket leak in the car socket, so we can't drive down. Yeah... Sorry about that, sorry about... It's just the cars, it's all rusted on the side, it's like a big chip out of the front left tire there. So... Yeah, I know, it's like, I haven't seen it like this. Haven't seen it like that yet. Anyway, we'll put the grease on the back spoiler and we'll see if we can get it going, but it's not looking good till probably next Tuesday. But anyway... Lift it down and push the sprocket fence to the cylinders and there's nothing there, there's just nothing in there. So... Yeah, thanks mate, I appreciate it. The oil, see you dude. That's even better than the praise for... Oh fuck it's seven o'clock, alright we're gonna go. I love you all, mate. See you guys.