 The Great Gilder Sleeves. A special rebroadcast for all you soldiers, sailors, and marines of the United Nations. Listen to another amazing episode in the life of the Great Gilder Sleeves. The bedroom, Leroy the scholar, eager for knowledge, Sifety's desk pouring over a problem in mathematics, room sitting on an uncoupled little stool and holding a skein of yarn for his knees, margarine. Uncle Mort, hold your hands up a little. Really, you're the worst fit that I ever saw. I don't see why you make me sit on a stool. Your posture's so big. I can't wind up your way above me. Yes, yes. Well, it's bad for the stool, my dear. The stool wasn't built for it. I mean, you weren't built for it. No, my dear. Keep your hands up, it'll slip off. Confounded, mind you, my arms are tired. It won't take a minute. Bad for you to sit in one position all the time? Bad for your blood. It settles down. In the corners, yet sluggish can lead to rheumatism. It'll only be a minute. I agree. My nose is itching. It'll stop. I can't stand it. Oh, don't. Keep your hands apart. Well, then you'll smack it. Yeah. That's better. Stay where you are. I'll get it. Well, how am I? I'm trapped. Here with it. I'll hold the phone up to your ear. The things I go through. Hold it closer, Marjorie. Hello, Judge? Oh, sure, I'd be glad to see you. But I'm going to see you in half an hour anyway, down at the Jolly Boys Club. Oh, Private? Well, certainly, come ahead, Judge. Goodbye. What do you suppose the old goat's got on his mind? Oh, my God, a tale with a phone call. Oh, this darn thing. No, I'll fix it. Funny. Judge said he had to see me alone. Something private. Hurry up and finish whining this wool, will you, my dear? If Judge catches me doing this, I'll never hear the end of it. How'd I see you? Oh, pretty good. I can't complain. They don't think you're right here. Just you let me know. I need a good cook over at my house, and... Oh, good evening, Doc Martin. I didn't see you. After your old tricks, I see, Judge. Good evening, Marjorie. Hello, Max. It's a little nipping, I think. I told you to go upstairs and finish your homework. I did. You've done all of it? Yes. Every bit of it? Yes. Scouts, honours? Yes. I guess the boy's done his homework. Come on in the living room, Judge. Well, did you do your spelling? Didn't I? Use my playing skill, Liz. Yeah, I found that out long ago. Oh, for the break. Hey, Roy, in that case, you can play and enjoy yourself for another five minutes, and then Betty, bye. Five minutes? It's bedtime, my boy. How do you...? Eesh. You come with me, me, Roy. I'll give you something for your nervous breakdown. Well, Judge, what's on your mind? We're due down at the Jolly Boys Club in 20 minutes. Gilday, if you don't mind, could we go into your study? Yes, study? Certainly. If it's as private as all that. You'll excuse us, Marjorie. Gilday, we've been friends for a long time, haven't we? Off and on, yes. We've been through a lot together. Yes, we have. Well? What's needing you, Horace? It's all gone, and if I tell you, you'll have. Well, not unless it's a laughing matter. Gilday, I believe I can say without fear of contradiction that this is one of the most serious matters in my life. I don't know what to do about it. It's got me all from this way and that. I sit down to read a brief, and my mind wanders. If you're worried about losing your mind, Judge, I wouldn't give it a thought you've got very little to lose. I'm floundered, Gilday. Will you be serious? Huh? I'm trying to tell you something. It has nothing to do with my mind. Oh? Well, why don't you go see a doctor, Judge? Why don't... Judge! You don't mean... Uh-huh. I'm afraid that Cupid has ended my life, Gilday. Yeah. You know, I'm sorry, Judge. You caught me unaware. Wait a minute. Who's the woman? Why, you want to know. If you've been poaching on my chance... No, she's no one you know. Oh. Well, who is she? Well, I prefer that you remain anonymous. Yeah, suspicious old ghost. I prefer to say that she is, uh... not un-effective. She is, in fact, very talented. To put it bluntly, Gilday, she's got me talking to myself. Does she reciprocate your affection, Horace? That I have no way of knowing. There's a way you can darn soon find out. What's that? Ask her. Well, I couldn't do that. She doesn't even know that I... Well, uh... Judge, don't tell me you've been worshiping her from afar. Well, hang it, Gilday. I don't know how to handle these things the way you do. Why came over here to see you? Well, you've been wasting your time, Horace. Move right here, and that's the only way to work it. Now, hold on. This young lady is not like most of the ones you've had dealings with. It's good. What do you mean? Well, she's, uh... In a word, she's Spanish. Spanish, huh? Well, Spanish descent. And you know how carefully Spanish girls are brought up? Chaperones until they're 40 and all that. How old is this girl? I'd say her age was uncertain. Is she got a chaperone? No. Okay. How did you happen to meet her? Well, it started with Tangledust. Oh, so that's where you've been all these evenings. Now, I don't misunderstand, Gilday. It was nothing but business. At that start... Yeah. She's in the tangle business? Well, she's open to dancing school. Oh. I thought maybe the best way to break the ice might be to write her a letter. A love letter. Well, that's not very original. I thought of sending some flowers with a letter. Well, that might take the curse off it. If you don't mind, Gilday. I've made a draft of such a letter, and I... Could I read it to you? Oh, by all means. I think it's kind of cute. See how you like it. To whom it may concern... Get known that whereas the under-signed has long admired the party of the first part, Mr. Lawrence Del Ray, and whereas... No, no. No good? No good. Well, I intended it in a humorous vein, Gilday. Well, it doesn't come through, Jackie. And anyway, it's the wrong approach. Yes, sir. Definitely. This woman is Spanish. You have to remember that. What do you know about Spanish? I merely studied it for a whole year, that's all, in high school. Hablo said espanol? Si, señor, yo hablo espanol. ¿Dónde está mi sombrero? Spanish. Would you help me with this letter, would you? Tomorrow, Judd. We've got to get down to the club now. Well, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make the jolly voice tonight, Gilday. What do you mean? You're on the way. No. You see, I, uh... I have other plans for this evening. Sorry, I can't invite you to come with me. Judd, you couldn't drag me there with a subpoena. Let's play poker. Well, poker's no good. No Gilday's sleeve gets here. Can't play with only three. Well, where is Gilday's sleeve, anyway? He'll be here. Hooker's the man that's really run out of the jolly boys. You know what? I think Hooker's got a game on his mind. At his age, you're a dreaming, Claude. Hooker's a dreamin'. Let me tell ya, he came in a barbershop four days ago and bought a haircut, shave, massage, and oil shampoo. That's $2.40. And then he remarked it was too bad I didn't have a manicure, girl. Hmm. Hmm, he says. Listen, Pee-Pee. Judge Hooker never spent more than $0.60 in a barbershop in his life. $2.40 at his age is love. You may be right, it's there. I know I'm right. There's just one thing I wonder about. What's that? Where would the judge find an object for his attacking? Hmm, there's something there. These days? Well, the judge could do all right, just pickin' up Hilda Sleeves' discards. Oh. Oh, my dear, it was great. Are there any jolly boys up there? Hilda Sleeves, hurry up. I gave my heart away. Now commissioners broken down bad-tone solos. Good evening, jolly boys. Cheap, cheap. Now commissioners. All right. Hi, Hilda Sleeves. What's cooking, if any? If not, why not? We're just talkin' about our absent brother, Judge Hooker. I got a theory he's stuck on a dame. What makes you think that, Floyd? Spent $2.40 on the shop one day last week. Tipped me $0.10, too. I forgot that. Not only that, Mr. Garrison. He was in my store only yesterday. And I noticed he was behaving in that ass to your man. Oh? How do you mean, Pee-Pee? I think he's nervous. He ordered a lemon phosphate, then just chopped her and toyed with it. Hoped it was strong and so on. Never did, thank you. Yep. Well, what's peculiar about that? Well, the judge likes to get his money back. Anyhow, he gets that there, looking out to when you wouldn't talk, wouldn't drink his phosphate. Well, get the phosphate. It was probably no good. There was nothing to matter with the phosphate. I tasted it later. Never mind, Pee-Pee. Get to the point. Well, he's stuck there, moving, and all of a sudden, the town's clock struck five and he jumped up and dashed into the phone booth. Well? When a man his age makes calls from a booth, let's see if it works. Well, I still say all you guys are just making a fairy story. Judge is 60 and everybody knows it. Sure, everybody knows it. But does the judge know it? What do you think, listen? Gentlemen, I don't think. I know. I'm in a position to inform you that Cupid's dark has struck our friend Judge Hooker right over his left hand best spot. Don't laugh, boys. Remember, this girl may be somebody's grandmother. Yes. How do you know this for sure, Commissioner? Oh, the judge told me. Did he mention the name of the power? Well, the lady is named Dolores Del Rey. He claims she's a Spanish beauty. Dolores Del Rey? Hey, wait a minute. That's the woman that's opening up the new Dancing Academy. They're on state free. Next to Beckman's drug store. She was in the station last week to get her license. Oh? Did you see her? Did I? Oh, you're darn good, my dear. Yeah. My desk sergeant saw her too. I thought he was going to jump right out of his uniform. No kidding. Oh, she's a real knocker. Well, well, apparently the judge has got something. You know, fellas, I promised to help him write a love letter. The judge has always been such a good friend of mine. Maybe I ought to go a little further for him. Well, let me move, Judge Del Rey. I'm willing to call on the lady in person. That's all, brother. I resent your insinuation, Floyd. Do you think a member of the Jolly Boys Club would steal a girl of another member? Not if he was looking. Floyd, we're all gentlemen here. Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting. See that you remember it, sir. Shall we play, gentlemen? Yeah, come on. Let's get down to business. There is your heaven in the town, in the town. I've been married my true love. Come on, let's go. Now, into the town. Nothing on the idea, however. I didn't judge. I might write you the best love letter in the world. What you need is a more personal touch. That guilty is... My own best work has not been done by mail, Judge. Believe me. But I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to say. When I'm alone, I can think of all kinds of beautiful thoughts. But when I'm with her, I'm a tongue-tied. Well, then let me handle it for you. How? Well, arranged to have me meet her. Oh, no, you don't. Horace, you trust me, don't you? Of course, if you don't trust me, I can't do anything for you. Now, don't get so on. This was your idea, you know. Heaven knows I have no interest in the woman. Any woman, for that matter. I was saying to Floyd only last night. Funny about women. I can take them or let them alone. Well... Gilly, I don't want you to think I don't trust you, but it's... Look, Horace, you remember when you were in school? You remember the courtship of Miles Sandys? He wanted to propose to a girl, but he didn't know how. So he got John Alden to do it for him? This is like that. How did Miles Sandys come out on that? Nothing but a poem by Longfellow. What does Longfellow know? He probably ran if he even saw a girl. If you ever read Cyrano... I think so. Now, there's a poem by a Frenchman, judge. You can't fool those Frenchmen. Longfellow. You remember Cyrano? He was so ugly, no woman would look at him. So he wrote love letters for his friend, who was young and handsome and attractive. Now, that's more like it. If you would promise to handle it like that, not double cross me. Judge, did Damon double cross Pithius? No, but our best Pithius kept an eye on him. I give up. I was willing to help you out, but this is too much. I'm sorry, Gildy. I'm sorry, old man. I'm sorry. I won't say another word. How can we arrange it? Well, I think the thing to do is to arrange to have me meet her. You know, just casually and give me a little time alone with her so that I can... Why alone? Judge! I'm sorry, but I... I don't see why I can't come along. Because? How can I tell her what a great fellow you are? How brilliant, how attractive? You sitting right there be lying my every word. Well, I don't care for the way you put it, but perhaps you have a point. All right, when are you going to see her again? Good night. Good. Call her up and tell her you're going to bring a friend. And you arrange to arrive a little late. See, give me time to break the ice. How much time do you need? Half an hour. I don't stall around. The date's for 8 o'clock. I plan to arrive at 8 30. Wait a minute, one more thing. What's her address? Oh, I hope I don't regret this. It's 178 Homesale Avenue, apartment 2B. What do you say her name is? DeLaurentz? DeLaurentz, Delray. Shall I call her, send her, or does she understand English? I prefer that you call her Miss Delray. That's what I call her. No wonder you're not getting any place with it. Well, leave it to me, Judge. Leave it to me. And I'll see you tonight. I shall be there at 8 30. What time? Looks like a nice place, though. Apartment 2B. Oh, here. Very pretty. DeLaurentz, Delray, I presume? Yes, I am Miss Delray. My name's Gillisley. Judge Hooker said he was going to phone. Ah, Mr. Gillisley, yes. Come in. The judge was unavoidably detained. He'll be a little late. Oh, but it's too bad. Still, maybe we can spend a little time getting a quiz today. I have your call. Oh, excuse me. Thank you. You're welcome, Miss D. You're welcome. I mean, thank you. This is very handsome, D. Now, and I care for you. Care? Oh, anything at all. Eh, do you mind if I smoke a cigar, senorita? Ah, but I love cigars. Sometimes I think I would like to smoke cigars myself. Only it might look funny. You think so? You look cute smoking a cigar. Have one. They're two for a quarter. Oh, no, no, no. Thank you very much. I was only joking. Joking? Well, so was I. I'll smoke later. So you are the judge's great friend, Mr. Gillisley. Eh, me? I like you. Eh, the judge thinks quite a lot of you, you know. He does? What did he say about me? He said you were beautiful. He told me you had beautiful black hair, and eyes, and, uh... I hope you are not disappointed. Oh, brother. Hello, isn't he? Oh, he's very sweet. I think he is very sweet. Well, he probably shows you his sweet side. He's, uh, very good lawyer. Now tell me something about yourself for a second. Are you a lawyer? Oh, no, I'm a water commissioner. Uh, in the water business? I work for the city. I see that everybody gets water, in the houses, factories, and so on. Oh, you are a big man. Well, I guess it's a pretty important job. Oh, you are too modest. It will be if you did not send them water. I don't know. I never thought of that. Always now, when I turn on the faucet, I will think of Mr. Gildersley. Well, that's nice. Eh, I'd like to see you again sometime, Mr. O'Rea. Uh, you know, to talk about the judge. Oh, I would like very much to see you. Would we have to talk about this, then, exclusively? Well, not all the time. We could go to the movies, and there's quite a few things we could do. Don't you dance in y'all? You look like a good dancer. You rumbo a little? Rumbo? Uh, not much on the fancy stuff. Ah, you would just find rumbo dancers. You are just a figure for it. You have some Spanish in you. Spanish? What makes you think that? Your complexion, your eyes. Maybe your temperament a little too. What do you know about my temperament? I can guess. You are a man with fire. Uh, I'll bet you're no frigidair yourself. Surprise, way back there, some Spanish dawn or something. Don't they sell me sombrero? Perhaps? What's your hurry, senor? Oh, no, no, no. Just trying out my Spanish. Oh, oh, I'll be very good. It's a shame you don't dance, senor. You have no feelings or rhythm. Oh, sure I have. I even sing a little. Ah, then you could dance, too. Let me hear you sing. Well, I'm no professional. Come on, I'll play for you. It's for a two-kay hombre. Huh? That means what a man. You don't know the half of it. Exactly the man the judge described to me. What do you mean? I had expected you to be... Older. As old as the judge? Oh, maybe not quite. But I thought you would be faster. Why that? But you are quite slender. I keep myself in pretty good shape. Feel my muscles. Yeah, feel that. Oh, I would be afraid of you. Oh, I would hurt you. Will you sing now? If you really want me to sing. How about Vesta Me Mucho? Oh, that is a beautiful song. Come, I'll play for you. Your key? My key? Let me... I guess I'll... Vesta me... Vesta me Mucho. Each time I drink your kiss, I hear music, each time I... No, that means, senor. Vesta me Mucho. Yeah. For the judge? Oh, always the judge. I couldn't do that for one little moment. Oh, the door. Booker. Don't get up. Let me go. It might be somebody looking for the door. Vesta me Mucho. Well, guilty. Come back in an hour, judge. This is going to take longer than I thought.