 How does a woman respond to a mother-in-law who is unfair in the treatment of her grandchildren, and who overly burdens her son causing him to neglect his wife and children, or a mother-in-law with high expectations? In this kind of situation, and there were multiple questions I kind of brought them into one for the purpose of the video, we need to advise both the woman who is the wife and her husband. Or the woman who is the wife, or even you could reverse it, the one who is the daughter-in-law or the son-in-law. This person, we need to tell them that you always respond in the way that is best. Allah says, The good deed and the bad deed are not equal, respond in a way that is better. If you do this, then the one that there is enmity between you and them will become like your closest friend, and no one will achieve this except those who are patient and no one will achieve this except those who have a great portion of good from Allah. وَإِمَّا يَنْزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغُنْ فَاَسْتَعِذْ بِلَّهُ إنَّهُ هُوَا السَّمِيرْ عَلِيمَ And if the shaitan comes to you and makes you slip and you fall short of that standard, then seek refuge with Allah, Allah is the All-Hearing and the All-Knowing. So ultimately this sets out, as we did a lecture on this during the course, the way that you respond to people who show you enmity, people who oppress you, you ultimately respond in a way that is better. Always have the moral high ground. Not because you will win the argument with them, but because you'll be rewarded with it for it by Allah Azza wa Jalil al-Muqiyyama. Make it about Allah, don't make it about the person. So let the woman be good to her mother-in-law who is bad to her for the sake of Allah and not for the sake of her mother-in-law. And likewise the son-in-law who is mother-in-law is oppresses him or what have you. Let him be good to his mother-in-law because of or for the sake of Allah Azza wa Jalil. Knowing that if he does that, Allah will change that person's heart. Be itnihi to make that heart come towards kindness and gentleness and softness. As for the spouse who is the son of that mother, the one who is the husband who his wife is suffering from his mother. That man needs to find a balance. As we mentioned in the course, the Aqtikulladi Haqqin Haqqa, the famous hadith, give everyone who has a right over you their right. There is no benefit in giving your mother her rights and then taking your wife's rights away. And there is even less benefit in giving the wife her rights and taking your mother's rights away because that's an even greater sin in Islam. Rather you have to balance between them. And most of the time, the problem here lies with the husband. Now we're not saying that that means the mother-in-law is amazing or a wonderful person. But usually the fault lies with the husband because he's not finding that balance. He's not giving his mother her rights independently and his wife her rights independently. Instead what he's doing is he doesn't know what those rights are. So he tramples over the rights of his wife or the rights of his mother or he's being neglectful towards his mother. So she takes that out on his wife or he's not preventing his mother from sin in a way that is respectful and kind as we spoke about in other questions. He's not helping her to stop that kind of oppression and he's not setting that kind of those kind of limits out. So he's giving his mother free reign to mistreat his wife without helping his mother in a respectful and kind way to stop doing that or advising her obviously in private away from the wife and so on, but he's not doing that. So ultimately so much of this, we're not going to say every case but in many cases so much of this comes down to the mat that he needs to man up and take responsibility and he needs to treat his mother in the best way but also to not allow that to take the rights away from his wife and his children. He needs to first of all know what the rights are for his wife and his children because so many times if he doesn't know what his mother's rights are he doesn't know what his children's rights are or they don't know that and he hasn't educated them about it. Nobody knows they just have cultural expectations. So the wife has an expectation and she feels hard done by the mother has a cultural expectation she feels hard done by and nobody is ruling by what Islam actually says in the situation. So it is really important for A'tikullah the Haqqin Haqqah give everyone has a right over you, they're right. And it's also really, really important for a wife in the situation to think about how she treats her own daughter in law because there is a perpetual cycle of evil that happens in these families which is that the daughter in law is oppressed then she becomes a mother in law and she oppresses her daughter in law and the same cycle happens again. It's really important that what will bring us out of this jahlia this ignorant pre-Islamic behavior is Islam. When the mother is guided by Islam when the husband is guided by Islam when the wife, the daughter in law is guided by Islam then this situation will not happen. This ignorance will be removed by the permission of Allah Azawajal but when Islam is not the guide and Islam is not the judgment what happens is or the judgments are made without reference to Islam then this will be a perpetual cycle of evil and vulm an oppression that just keeps on happening again and again generation after generation. It might also be beneficial to get others involved who might be able to give advice to the various people it might be for example that the father in law for example has the ability to advise his wife who is the mother in law and to give her some advice about how to maybe to take it a little bit easy on the daughter in law but also the daughter in law has to seek the moral high ground in that to respond in the way that is best and also all of the key here the pivot is on the husband to to really take that responsibility to give his mother her rights so that he can stand before Allah she might not be happy. You know the end of the day some people have expectations that are just not Islamic but at least he can say I gave my mother her rights Ya Allah and I gave my wife her rights and ultimately if he does that Allah Azawajal will bring Islam between them will bring correction between them and will correct that situation and stop it from going on to the next generation and the next generation and Allah Azawajal knows best Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu How can you do a two second action right now that will give you a share of the reward of everything we're doing on this YouTube channel simple Like this video and click subscribe Why? 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