 وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأوّاله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ with the praise of Allah and we ask Allah to exalt the mention in grand peace to our messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions We're still talking about this topic of Tarbiyah as it relates to our children and what I would like to talk about now are some Ahadith that we can extract from them and آيات we can extract for them from them principles in Tarbiyah and I'm going to ask everyone watching this video at home to help me out with this إن شاء الله وطعاله and try إن شاء الله to each time we mention an evidence we mention an ayah we mention a hadith I want you to have a think about it and try and have a think about what are the principles or the essential things we can take in terms of how we raise, nurture and prepare our children's principles as it relates to Tarbiyah the first is the hadith of Anas رضي الله تعالى عنه أرضاه that he said خدمت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم عشر سنين فما قال لي أفن قط وما قال لي لشيء صناعته لما صناعته ولا لشيء تركته لما تركته الحديث the hadith narrated in Bukhari and Muslim from the hadith of Anas رضي الله عنده he said I served the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم for 10 years and he never said to me أف not even once and أف is the smallest expression of displeasure that a person can show the smallest thing it's like a tut like when you say like that you tut to someone it's the smallest expression of displeasure the Prophet ﷺ never said to me أف even once and he never said to me when I did something why did you do this nor did he say to me when I didn't do something why did you leave this okay this is our first little mini test have a pause of the video have a chat if you've got people watching this with you at home and discuss with one another how do you think what are the what's the usal or the principle or the قاعدة we can take from this hadith إن شاء الله تعالى so إن شاء الله تعالى you had to think about that the principle that I think you can take and there's more than one way of wording it but here we need to distinguish between two things we need to distinguish between matters of the religion and in matters of the religion you need to be firm with your children and you need to make sure that they are clear about what the limits are in that regard but here when it comes to personal matters when it comes to personal matters don't be hard on your children for matters that are not matters of the dean أي they are not matters of the حلال and the حرام they're not matters where the child has fallen into a حرام but they're matters which are personal matters أي they chose something or they decided to do something they made a decision and it's not a matter of حرام it's a personal matter something you ask them to do you say bring me one of bring me something bring me some food from the kitchen surprise me and they brought the wrong kind or they brought something you don't like it's not a matter of حرام in these matters that are not matters of حرام don't be hard upon your kids don't say to them or try not to say to them why did you do this for why didn't you do this for you know why is this you know when you get angry with your kids about things that don't are not important in the sight of الله the Prophet ﷺ used to get angry when it was a matter of the rules and religion the rules of the religion the rules and the laws of الله ﷺ he used to get angry and he would express his anger and his displeasure we've already heard the حديث of آيشة رضي الله وعنها when the Prophet ﷺ saw there was some horses with wings and the آيشة had made had a curtain and it had horses with wings the images of horses with wings on it and the Prophet ﷺ became angry and he ripped it down and you see from this سبحان الله that it's appropriate to show you displeasure to set the limits when it comes to the religion but when it comes to matters of taste and preference and when it comes to choices your kids make they didn't fall into the حرام don't go hard on don't be hard on them and don't want to say them why did you do this and why didn't you do that this is from the excellent etiquettes of the Prophet ﷺ that he had with آيشة رضي الله وعنه despite the fact and we're going to hear this in other آيشة that آيشة didn't always do the Prophet ﷺ told him to do or what the Prophet ﷺ would have wanted him to do he was a young boy sometimes he didn't get things exactly right sometimes your children might not get things right but if it doesn't fall into the matters of the حرام and it's not from the things that make Allah angry then don't make it a big deal don't make a big fuss out of it don't say bad words towards them and don't criticise them and second guess them in matters that aren't related to the religion as for the matters of the religion here deserves for you to be firm for you to set the limits for you to be clear about what's allowed and what's not allowed but so many times in their life your children are going to make decisions things they want for themselves they want to buy for themselves or they want to do for themselves don't be hard on your kids when it comes to matters that don't relate to the حلال and the حرام and I guess what this حليث really tells us is it talks to us about two things which I think are vital number one that when you are giving tarbiyah to your kids when you're nurturing your kids and educating them that you do so with the best of manas because look at what stuck with Anas SubhanAllah it wasn't just the words the Prophet ﷺ said it's even the words he didn't say it's not just what he said it's that he never ever raised his voice to me he never said to me أف he never said to me why this why not that but SubhanAllah when it was the matters of the religion the Prophet ﷺ took it seriously so the first is the excellent manas when educating your kids the second principle is العولة ويات having levels of importance some things are important some things are less important we talked about this in the husband with his wife if you pull your wife up for every little thing you're going to end up divorcing if you pull her up for every little small thing that you don't like so the kids are the same you can't you know you can't pull your kids up for every small thing you don't like save your displeasure for what's displeasing to Allah SubhanAllah and don't worry about the things of preference and choice generally speaking don't give your kids a hard time in those in those particular issues so that's our first principle our second حديث we have is a حديث of أبي أماما from his own statement فأني this is not or it is better or more authentic as a statement of أبي أماما رضي الله عنه that he said حبيب الله إلى عباده he said make the servants of Allah love Allah make Allah beloved to his servants make Allah beloved to his servants have a think if you've got more than one person watching this video at home have a chat to the people around you discuss it come together and see if you can take a principle from this make Allah beloved to his servants so inshallah you had to think about that I take from this is in the tarbiyah that you give your children especially as it relates to Islam make your children love Islam don't make your children run away from Islam don't make something Islam something burdensome for them and something hard and something that they run away from and you can take this also from the statement of the Prophet ﷺ يسروا ولا تؤسروا وبشروا ولا تنفروا make things easy for people and don't make it difficult for people and make give people glad tidings make people feel good and don't make them run away now that doesn't mean that we compromise on our religion it doesn't mean that we we compromise in a way where we take away some of the things that are haram and we kind of you know ignore them and let our kids do them because then they'll come to love Allah but we want our children to love Islam to love the Quran to love studying Islam and learning about Islam and we don't want to make our children hate Islam and that's what we can take from the statement of Abu Umama رضي الله عن حبيب الله عالى عباده make Allah beloved to his servants and give an example of that when it comes to the recitation of the Quran and reading the Quran some parents are really really you know sometimes really strict with their kids in this and they might send their children to a teacher they don't like and the teacher is teaching them in a really harsh and rough way and the kid ends up leaving there with a feeling that they don't like reading the Quran and now their whole life that feeling goes with them now I'm not saying you shouldn't be strict with your children in teaching them the Quran because to be honest that's something beloved and that's something praiseworthy and beautiful for someone to be strict with their children in terms of making sure they stick into their memorization and they take it seriously but if it reaches the stage where your children start to hate reading the Quran and they start to hate going to the masjid or they start to hate studying Islam then really as a parent that's something wrong with that Tarbiyah you should make your children love Allah make your children love Islam make Islam the most exciting and the most interesting thing and one of the things we can take in this is rewarding your children rewarding your children in relation to Islam making Islam exciting and rewardable so often we reward our children as it relates to the worldly life you pass your exams you get a party a reward you know you get you know to buy something you get some money but when it comes to Islam it's like we make it bitter for them and hard for them but instead you should reward your children for Islam make them enjoy it and I know there is an issue of Ikhlas which we have to develop in our children and we don't want them to be living off of rewards like in the sense where they don't feel like they need to do anything for Allah because they just want if you're going to reward me I'm going to do it but in the beginning when they're young make them love Allah make them love Islam and from this is even celebrating the عياد the days of ايد ايد الفطر and ايد العضحة and making a big deal of it and really making the children enjoy and love it so the children learn to love Islam and love Allah make Allah beloved to His servants and I feel this is something many parents out of maybe out of a love for their children they go wrong in this they want good for them so they're strict and they're tough and they push them but sometimes they push them to the state where they start to they stop having that love for Islam and that love for Allah سبحانه وتعالى so when you see that you need to adjust your تربية yes there's got to be some strictness in there there's got to be some sternness in there but you have to adjust it to the level where you still see your children have that love and that desire for learning Islam and that love of Allah and that love of Islam our next evidence we're going to take from an ayah and سورة الفرقان الله عز وجل سد والذين يقولون ربنا هبلنا من أزواجنا وذرياتنا قررة ععن وجعلنا للمتقين إماما those who say our Lord give for us from our wives and our children those who are a pleasure to our eyes and make us for the متقين and imam make us imams examples for the متقين for the people of Taqwa so again if you've got people watching this video with you have a chat have a discussion try and come up with where you think this ayah where do you think this ayah fits into the principles of تربية I don't want the dua I want a a principle of تربية here and if you're by yourself then have a think jot down some ideas pause the video and inshallah we'll give you the answer after that so inshallah you had to think about it here I believe that the reason I brought this ayah is for the last part وجعلنا للمتقين إماما in every aspect of تربية the parent should be an example for their children and it's so sad to see that many times and it's from I believe it's from the goodness that the parent wants good for their child but sometimes subhanAllah the parent wants good for their child and they don't want it for themselves and they sort of encourage their children to do good but they don't encourage themselves now we're not going to say in that situation that the parent should stop doing good you know stop doing good stop telling your children to do good that's not what we mean but what we do say is that as a parent you want to be an example for your children and that is one of the greatest means of تربية one of the in fact it could even be considered to be one of the most fundamental parts of تربية is that you as a parent have to be an example for your child you can't be telling your child أقيم الصلاة وأمر بالمعروف وانحعني المنكر وصبر علماء الصابك perform the prayer and order that which is good and forbid that which is evil and be patient over what happens to you if you yourself don't do those things now don't get me wrong you telling your children and not doing it is still better than you not doing it and being silent that's the worst situation the worst situation is you do nothing and don't tell anyone to do anything either and at least it's a little bit better that you tell them but you're not doing it yourself but unless you're an example to your children and for your children then ultimately that تربية is not going to be achieved in the way that you want it and you might think that looks like a mountain that is very hard to climb how am I going to be an example for my children how am I going to start doing these things I'm not doing these right now learn with your kids be honest with your kids sit down with your children and talk to them and say to them look I know I'm not really doing what I should be doing right now but I'm going to I'm going to ask you to help me out we're going to learn together I'm so proud that you start and maybe you miss a day you lose a day you forget something you fall into something but you keep going back to your children you're being honest and one of the most one of the greatest things we can instill in our children is honesty and truthfulness as an example from ourselves and to them so you're trying to be an example for your kids and you sit down with your kids and say look I know I'm not doing exactly what I should be doing right now but I'm going to try and we're going to learn together and if it's about learning Islam learn together go to classes with your kids together and Subhan Allah you might see that your children learn benefits that you didn't learn and they take on knowledge that you weren't able to take on because their mind is more suited to it and their abilities are greater to absorb that information and there's no harm in you learning them from them Dylan Ibrahim say to his father يا أبتي إني قد جاءني من العلم ما لم يأتيك فاتبعني أهتيك صراطاً سوية يا أبتي لقد أردت معرفة أنها لم يأتي لك لذا اتبعني و سأساعدك على طريق مرحب Subhan Allah نستطيع أن نعلم from our children لا يوجد شيء أفضل إذا أعلم from our children نحن نعلم و نعلم as a family and this is one of the goals that we had behind this course and all of the courses that we were are providing via المدرسة العمارية and particularly the AMAU at home initiative just to get the families together learning together and then Subhan Allah slowly you will see parents become that example of Taqwa as for the parents being an example this has to happen لا محالة you can't get out of it you are an example to your children whatever you do your children are going to pick up on your habits your things the things you say the things you do there's no escape from that but here we want to be an example of Taqwa not an example of evil or an example of sinfulness or an example of disobedience but an example of Taqwa as for you being an example you can't escape that every child takes their parents as an example even the children the teenagers when they start getting a bit boisterous and a little bit you know when they say that I don't want to be like my dad or I don't want to be like my mom or they try to like rebel a little bit but they still take their parents as an example they take their parents as an example so be an example for Taqwa be an example for Taqwa don't be an example for for something bad or something wrong our next حديث that we have is a حديث from أمر بن شعيب عن أبيه عن جده رضي الله تعالى عنه أرضه the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said مر أولادكم بالصلاة وهم أبناء سبعين وضربوهم عليها وهم أبناء وعشر سنين وثرقوا بينهم في المضاجع أمر ابن شعيب نرated from his father from his father's grandfather who is Abdullah bin Amr ابن العاصر رضي الله عنهما command your children to pray when they are at seven years of age and hit them in order for them to pray when they are ten years of age and separate them at that age at ten years separate between them in their beds what benefit are you going to take from this? what principle of tarbiyah there's many benefits you could take ten, twenty benefits from this hadith but what principle of tarbiyah are you going to take from this hadith we had alluded to it in previous lectures maybe I've mentioned it briefly so you might have quoted that so have a chat with the people around you have a discussion and see if you can come up with the answer Insha'Allah so hopefully you've had time to think about that Insha'Allah the principle I take here is there are two principles you can take from this particularly that I saw you may have found others and you may have found better ones than the ones that I found but particularly age-specific tarbiyah that your tarbiyah needs to change and adapt to the child's age so here the Prophet ﷺ gives specific instructions with regard to the salah as it relates to the child is seven years old and specific instructions as it relates to the salah for the child who is ten years old the second principle that I would take from this is that you need to be ahead of the curve as it relates to your child and that is because as it relates to the salah at what age does the child earn sin if they don't pray at what age is the child sinful if they don't pray puberty right you don't earn sin before puberty and let's just say puberty 14 years old let's just put an approximate average figure of 14 years old on the age of puberty so until the child reaches 14 years old they are not sinful for leaving the prayer so why are we disciplining them at 10 years old why are we telling them at 7 years old pray come on pray salah time come on pray pray pray and then if they say no at 10 years old we're disciplining them where's that coming from if the child is not sinful until 14 because as a parent you are obliged to be ahead of the curve your tarbiyah must precede the time when it becomes obligatory there's no point teaching your child about the etiquettes as it relates to the opposite gender after the horse is already bolted from the stable and then you close the then you close the stable door you bolt the stable door after the horse is already left there's no benefit to that as a parent you have to be ahead of the curve so you have to be teaching and giving that tarbiyah to your child before it becomes an obligation on them and that's why this hadith implies that you would teach them how to pray before 7 years old so if we put this hadith in order we have 4 ages we have before 7 years old we have at 7 years old we have at 10 years old and we have at 14 approximately puberty 14 years old approximately so how does this work before 7 years old we teach them how to pray because how can we command them to pray if we haven't taught them how to pray how can I say to a 7 year old come on for your time pray start up what's praying I don't know what do I do what do I say obviously I have to have taught him before that okay now at 7 years old I'm telling come and pray but sometimes he or she they might say Dad I don't want to pray I know I don't want to pray I'm not going to pray so we let it go when this between 7 and 10 we let it go but it's on a sliding scale it's not like and the day before the 10th birthday we say to them okay let it go and then on the 10th birthday we say come and pray it's not like that that doesn't work right you have to have a sliding scale where you get more and more serious as they get older and older but by the time they reach 10 years old now we're going to discipline them and this principle we can take from this a 3rd principle we can take from this حريف is the right of the parent to discipline their child and the disciplining your child within the limits set by Islam is an important part of تربية that you discipline them like the Prophet ﷺ said hit them if they don't pray from 10 years old so now we have a next phase which is a phase of discipline and that shows you it begins with educating them after we educated the child now we are requesting the child after we requested the child now we're going to discipline the child and now upon that then the child reaches that stage of being regular in the prayer way before the time when the prayer is actually sinful for them because your discipline is a parent you're not going to hit them hard you're not going to make them you know hurt themselves or something like that it's the same kind of discussion that we had when we talked about the man and his wife and so on but here when you discipline your children you're discipline them which is better for them that you discipline them and teach them at 10 years old or that they are punished by Allah يوم القيامة isn't it more befitting that we should discipline our children before Allah as it will punish them and us for our shortcomings as it relates to our children so here we have teaching we have sort of inviting or encouraging then we have discipline and all of that comes before the Islamic obligation actually comes into play so this حديث is one of the most beneficial a حديث that we have which educates us and informs us about the tarbia of our children and it contains many principles and benefits relating to that our next حديث عن عائشة رضي الله عنها زوج النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال إن الرفق لا يكون في شيء إلا زانة ولا ينزع من شيء إلا شانة عائشة نريد the wife of the prophet she narrated from the prophet that he said softness was never put into anything except that it made it beautiful and it was never taken out of anything except that it made it ugly gentleness softness رفق and this one is an easy one to get I'm not going to ask you to think about it it's the principle that our tarbia should be مبنية it should be built upon الرفق ولين gentleness softness and being easy going with people and that's why the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was told فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِنَ اللَّهِ لِنْتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَضَّنْ غَلِظَ الْقَلْبِ لَنْ فَضُّ مِنْ حَوْلِكِ and if you were harsh and hard-hearted they would have ran from around you by the mercy of Allah you were gentle with them if you were harsh and you were hard-hearted they would have fled from around you so the principle is that of softness and gentleness does that mean that we never get angry does that mean we never shout doesn't mean that because ultimately at the end of the day the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم got angry when the limits of Allah were crossed he would show his anger but our basic principle with our children is not anger our basic principle with our children is not screaming or shouting our basic principle with them is softness and gentleness and kindness and ease and that's why the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned from among the people that the fire is prohibited for الله has made the fire حرام for them and them haram for the fire the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned كله هيينين ليينين سهلين قريب everyone who is easy going and gentle and soft with the people and near approachable and that's how a parent should be they should be soft they should be gentle they should be approachable they should be friendly they should be kind that's how we should be with our children and there is a time for discipline and there's a time for raising the voice and that's why the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said وضربوهم عليها هتهم if they don't pray at 10 years old there's a time for discipline there's a time for raising the voice there's a time for getting angry but the basic way we deal with our children should be one of gentleness and softness our next text that we have يا إيوه الذين آمنوا ليستأذينكم الذين ملكت أيمانكم والذين لم يبلغوا الحلومة منكم ثلاثة مرات من قبل صلاة الفجر وحين تضعون ثيابكم من الظهيرة ومن بعد صلاة العشاء ثلاث عورات لكم ليس عليكم ولا عليهم جناح بعدهم طوافون عليكم بعضكم على بعض كذلك يبين الله لكم الآيات والله عليم حكيم صورة النور آية نمب 58 لذين الذين يبينوا right hands والذين لم يأخذوا قبل صلاة الحلومة لذين يجعلونهم إستأذان لذين يجعلونهم على دورك ويجعلونهم إضافة لذين يجعلونهم إضافة منكم في ثلاثة قبل صلاة الفجر وحين تضعون ثلاثة لجمعوا في الظهيرة في قبل صلاة عندما يجعلون قبل صلاة ومن بعد صلاة العشاء عندما يجعلون قبل صلاة العشاء ثلاثة لك ثلاثة قبل قبل حولك لا يوجد حام علىك أو علىهم بعد هذه وفي أي حال يأتي ويزقون يأتي ويرى بعضكم على بعض ويأتي بعضكم على بعض وفي هذا المكان يجعله يجعله قبل صلاة لك ويجعلون الله عليم حكيم نحن نقوم بسرعة ولكن أريد أن أعلم بعض الأشياء here أولا هي للتأكيد هي لك Hate لي هل زالة هل حاولها struggling تجاوز قبل ما س sake لا ومنها إعترار المنطقة والطبع والطبع الذي نضعه في حالنا ونحبه في حالنا فهذا يهم جداً أن التطبيقات المتحدة بها وأن نحاولهم المتحدة ونحاولهم في كل ما يفعله نحاولهم المتحدة ونحاولهم الوصول ونحاولهم when they interact with people later on and one of these simple ones is at least it's mentioned in Surat An-Nour just knocking on the door and asking permission can I come in before Fajr after Isha when the person goes to sleep in the middle of the day knocking on the door and the child saying can I come in to the parents room for example this is a beautiful etiquette and it's about teaching our children adab that our tarbiyah shouldn't just be teaching them about the ibadat that are in terms of salah and zakah and so on but also teaching them about the adab about manners and about how to behave with other people and how to interact with other people particularly the issue of modesty and haia and everything they do and that's why the Prophet ﷺ saw a man who was criticising his brother about modesty he was giving him a hard time over modesty and the Prophet ﷺ said leave him alone everything about modesty is good leave him alone because everything about modesty is good everything about modesty is good so I believe that that is worth highlighting even though there's many adab that we teach our children but the adab of modesty and particularly that we teach our children a part of the tarbiyah as we teach them how to behave with other people and if they don't learn how to behave like that within their family then how can we expect them to learn to behave like that outside of it does that make sense how can we hope for them to have good behaviour when it comes to the guests and when it comes to when they go out to the real world and they mix with people at the end of the day if they don't learn that from the family from the family then where are they going to learn it from our last hadith for this episode is a hadith of أمر بن أبي سلمة رضي الله عنه and he said he said كنت في حجري الرسول الله ﷺ وكانت يدي تطيش في الصحفة فقال لي يا غلام سم الله وكل بيمينك وكل مما يليك سعدي انا ريت انبخاري المسلم من الحديث عمر بن أوبي سلمةwho said that i was in the apartment of the messenger of Allah ﷺ and my hand was going all around the tray all around the plate and was taking food from the far side of the plate and from the near side of the plate so he said to me يا ببي سم الله سي بسم الله and eat with your right hand and eat from what is near to you I'm going to take a few benefits لأنه يتعلق مع التربية هنا فقط as we conclude the episode أولاً أن أبناء يجب أن لا يجوز تأخير البيانة ووقت الحاجة لن يستطيع أن تدليل لك تحاول أبناء ما يحتاجه when the time is there that they need it وعندما كان يفعل شيء مخطئ فالأبناء لم تدليل وقال سأفعل معه when he's too older سأفعل معه في 10 سنة و5 سنة و2 سنة و2 سنة وقال to him أبناء أبناء قل بي the name of Allah وقال بي مع right hand and eat with what is near to you وعندما يستطيع أن تأخذ من هذا أنت تأخذ كل شيء that you think they will need هنا أمر أبن أبي سلمة أنه يتكلم أنه يفعل one mistake which is that his hand was going all over وقال بي that the Prophet hasn't taught him three etiquettes وقال بيسم الله تأكل مع right hand and eating from that which is near to you لأنه يستطيع أن يكون أبناء لذا أنت تأخذ ما تعتقد أن أبناء أبناء will need أنت لا تأخذ أنهم يفعلون one thing إذا كانوا يفعلون شيء مخطئ ليس فقط one that one thing only ولكن أنت تحاول أن تفعل it to the other things that you think they might need on a similar topic وقال بي that the Prophet hasn't addressed this وقال بي that the Prophet hasn't spoken about this هذا هو ما لدينا time for in this episode في next episode إن شاء الله سوف نتحدث عن how you teach your children Islam لأننا نتحدث عن تاربيا أجنرally ونحن سنذهب إلى أجنرally لن نرى كيف مني كما تتحدث عن how you should teach your children Islam وكيف يجب أن نتحدث عن تاربيا أجنرally لإن شاء الله أين تبدأ؟ وكيف تتحدث عن them? هذا يأتي في next episode إن شاء الله ونحن نتحدث عن في next episode إن شاء الله كما تتحدث عن تاربيا أجنرally في الحياة العالمية وإعادة تاربيا أجنرل والشيء like homeschooling أو إعادة تاربيا أجنرل أو كيف يمكنك أن تلعب في حالك تاربيا أجنرل ولكن قبل ذلك سنضع الإسلام first سنتحدث عن إسلامية لأجنرل ونحن تأتي في next episode والله يعرف أفضل والصلاة والسلام على أبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبيه أجمعين السلام عليكم إذا كنتم تحبين هذه الفيديو وكأنك يحبون اليوم مع كل هذه المحاولات 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