 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. The cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarette, they take fine. Tobacco, it's light. Tobacco, it's mild. Tobacco, too. And it's toasted. Yes, it's toasted. Because the toasting brings the flavor right through. So to get better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarette. This is Don Wilson, friends. That version of the Lucky Strike song Dorothy Collins just sang may be different in tempo, but the story is still the same. A lucky taste better because it's toasted to taste better. You see, better taste starts with fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted is the famous Lucky Strike process that brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor. Tones up this naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. So friends, remember that next time you buy cigarettes. And be happy. Go Lucky. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarette. Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and yours truly, Don Wilson. As you know, ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood is the glamour capital of the world. And since Saturday night is the time your favorite stars get together for those gay parties you read about, let's go back to last night and see what's going on in Jack Benny's Beverly Hills mansion. Everyone sure seems to be having a good time, boys. Well certainly they're having a good time. When you give your guests good food, a big orchestra, and the champagne flows like water, how can you miss? Yeah. Well, close the window, Rochester. We can't watch Ronald Coleman's party all night. Close the window. Good. Now help me off this box. Well, Rochester, I just can't understand it. What, boss? Well, the Coleman's and I are next door neighbors. And when Ronnie first moved in, I used to go to all his parties. But the last few years, he's had a dozen big affairs, and I haven't received an invitation to a single one of them. What do you suppose it could be? Maybe he lost your address. Well, come on, let's finish our game of gin rummy. Okay, it was your turn to throw a card. Yeah, let's see now. First you discarded the ten of clubs, then the three of spades, the six of hearts, the jack of diamonds, the eight of hearts, the five of spades. What's so funny? It's your health when you've got them written down. Well, if you play your way, and I'll play mine. I hate to break up my hand, but this is the only safe card I can give you. Here you are, the king of spades. Gin! Are you lucky? Deal them up again. Rochester, are you sure I didn't get an invitation to Coleman's party? Positive. They must have sent me an invitation and got lost in the mail. Excuse me a minute. What are you doing, boss? I'm going to call the post office. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. While you're by the boss, tell them they didn't deliver the gas bill this month either. It's your play, Rochester. Gee, I got a pretty good hand this time. You'll need it. Why? I got gin! Again? That's the most unusual. I'll get it. Hello? Oh, hello. Is this Mr. Benny? Yes. Well, this is Sherwood, Mr. Coleman's butler. Oh, Sherwood. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Well, Mr. Coleman was a trifle embarrassed to even broach the subject of this late hour. But we're having a party here. I know. I know. 183 guests. Oh, I say you've been on that box again. You're such a devil, aren't I? Well, at any rate, Mr. Coleman thought you might like to slip into your tuxedo and come over. Would I? I certainly would, Sherwood. I'll be glad to come over. Good. And remember, you serve from the left and remove from the right. I look, Sherwood. I'm not waiting on tables for Ronald Cohen or anyone else. So goodbye. Oh, the nerve. They can keep their party. I'm just as happy here at home with you, Rochester. But, boss, I'm going out tonight. Going out? Gee, I thought you were going to stay with me. I'd like to, but I made plans to take the night off. But, Rochester, you were off last week. Oh, boss, you're not counting Tuesday night, are you? Why not? That's when I had my appendage taken out. What's the difference? You didn't get home till three in the morning. The whole night he wants for that. Well, if he wants the night off, you better get started then. Okay, I'm going upstairs and put a tie on. Everybody wants time off. See, what'll I do with myself all night? It's only someone I could play cards with. I wonder if Remli's home. Yeah, he cheats. Jesus is going to be a boring evening. I don't know what... Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Dennis. Oh, Dennis, what do you want, kid? Nothing. Are you going to be home tonight? Yes, why? Well, I thought I might come over and visit you. Oh, wonderful, Dennis. Come on over. Okay, don't go away. Goodbye. Goodbye. I'm not ready to go, boss, but if you really mind staying alone... It's all right, Rochester. Dennis just called. He's coming over to keep me company. Well, that's nice of him. It sure is. I wonder what I can serve him. Well, let's sandwich bread and some cold cuts in the refrigerator. Yeah, and Dennis has such a sweet tooth. Have we plenty of candy? Oh, yeah, we've got caramels, tootsie rolls, licorice and some O'Henry bars. Oh, good. Shall I put them in the machine? Oh, no, I can do it. You run along. Okay, good night, boss. So long, Rochester. Gee, it's nice of Dennis to want to spend the evening with me. He'll sit around, he'll talk to me, discuss his problem, drive me nuts. Anyway, I'll be alone, so it'll be nice. Hmm, now, who can that be? Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Dennis, how'd you get here so fast? I was next door at the Coleman's party. What? I would've got here sooner, but I walked. Now, look, Dennis, I'm in no mood for any s- Shh, not so loud. If they find out I'm with you, they might not let me back in. You might not have got that line out, either. Look, Dennis, why don't you go back to your party? Well, don't you even want to hear my song for tomorrow's show? No, I don't. But it'll cheer you up. All right, all right, go ahead and cheer me up. I've changed my mind. Dennis, sing that song! Okay, what a sore head. An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away He'll be devil you and be guy you with this hollabaloo belay When that rogue turns on the brook your heart will go astray An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away An Englishman has manners An Englishman has charm They say it's truly difficult to raffle his plums He'll hurt you and he'll kiss you but wherever he may be At four o'clock he'll have to stop to sip a cup of tea But an Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away He'll be devil you and be guy you with this hollabaloo belay When that rogue turns on the brook your heart will go astray An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away Italian men are fiery Italian men are warm and when they love they love with all the fury of a storm But you can turn the flame to ice and make them run for life For all you've got to do is eat a spaghetti with a knife An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away He'll be devil you and be guy you with this hollabaloo belay When that rogue turns on the brook your heart will go astray An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away A Frenchman is romantic The French have savoie faire When he makes love to you it's always Torre Torre de Bonaire He'll say to you Touche-ou-la-mouve My life and you depends But next day he'll be making love to two of your best friends An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away He'll be devil you and be guy you with this hollabaloo belay When that rogue turns on the brook your heart will go astray An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away The German man is steady The German man is smart For he'll come round and round again to win the Freiland's heart But you can lose him easily and make him hide his faith When he comes round to see you tell him This is not a play He'll steal your heart away He'll be devil you and be guy you with this hollabaloo belay When that rogue turns on the brook your heart will go astray An Irishman, an Irishman will steal your heart away Well, I am seeing if you'd like to take in a movie with me A movie? Gee, I'm glad you thought of it That's a wonderful idea I didn't have anything to do tonight I've been to a movie in months Maybe Dennis will go with us Dennis? Where is he? He's standing under your stomach Dennis Please don't laugh on him, I'm too young to die Dennis, you want to go to the movie with us? Sure, what's playing? Well, I was going to the Palisades Drive in there showing that new English film there Murder in Piccadilly Oh, let's go there And they've also got a surprise second feature I hear they've had some great ones lately Yeah, I like that, two features Gee, that sounds pretty good I've never been to a drive-in Come on, fellas, my car's in the driveway I think we're getting near the drive-in theater There's a cowboy picture at the strand Dennis, you'll go where we go You're only alone Jack, Jack, stop, the light's changing Okay Say, look who's in the car next to us Where? Why, it's the sportsman Hi, fellas Hope you have a nice time, fellas Nice time? Where are they going, Don? Well, don't you know, Jack, they're going away for the weekend Oh, hey, where are you going, boys? We're going to Gilly, Gilly, Austin, Pfeffer, Katsunel and Boken by the sea Oh, Gilly, Gilly, Gossel, Pfeffer Yeah, it's a beautiful place I've been there many times There's a tiny house By a tiny stream Where a lovely laugh Had a lovely dream And a dream came true Quite unexpectedly In Gilly, Gilly, Austin, Pfeffer, Katsunel And Boken by the sea She was out one day Where the two had grown When a handsome lad Stopped to say hello And before she knew He kissed her tenderly In Gilly, Gilly, Austin, Pfeffer, Katsunel And Boken by the sea Hey, Don Down there's a crowd-gathering around us And the last I heard Look at the crowd on the street Now, look at the whole crowd here In Gilly, Gilly, Austin, Pfeffer, Katsunel Now, everybody, just repeat the words after me Ready? There's a cigarette L-S-M-F-T And it's the best smoke yet It's the best smoke yet Lucky strike for me Lucky strike for me To get better taste To get better taste L-S-M-F-T L-S-M-F-T Light a lucky strike Light a lucky strike It's the smoke we like It's the smoke we like Cleaner through and through Cleaner through and through And it's smoother too And it's smoother too Take a puff and see Take a puff and see Wow And go lucky See you when you get back See, I hope we get in at the start of the picture Well, theater's right in the next block Yeah, there's a sign Well, turn here, Jack You have to go up this winding driveway to the box office Yeah, I've never been in a driveway before Pull up to that man next to the booth, Jack He'll give us our tickets Street, I've been biting my nails Cracks about my car Oh, is that a car? A flying saucer that made a bad landing Never mind How much for the ticket? It's $2.40, says That's 80 a piece Here you are, mister Here's a five-dollar bill Alrighty Here you are Thank you Come on, Jack, drive inside Okay I'm sure it's crowded here in this driving theater I don't see any empty spaces Well, why don't you follow that car in front of you? Yeah, he seems to know where he's going Okay You're following the wrong car That other one turned left He did not I'm doing the driving Nobody listens to me Well, hang on I'm going back in It's not so fast That'll be $2.40, please What are you talking about? We paid you one Well, don't get so huffy It was that's those money Whose money it was? Instead of being so sarcastic Why don't you tell a fellow Where we can park and see the show? Section H, go there I think I see a space in the next row Yeah, better hurry before somebody else gets it Okay You're a tight squeeze Watch your side down Here I go Come on, plenty of room over here Watch it to the right To the right To the right Come on, come on Oh, hold it, hold it, hold it, Jack To the left, to the left Don't make a scene Oh, but, Moira, you think They were stalking the Queen Mary Hold it down, little fellas And how am I on your side, Don? Fine, Jack A little more A little more There, there, that's worth it Now, let's all settle back And watch the movie Gee, I don't like the angle from here What's wrong with it? Well, the actor on the screen Has a pointed head You're looking in the mirror I think we're a little too far to the side Maybe we could get something more to the center Look, I had enough trouble finding this face I'm not moving, so forget it Baby up Oh, for goodness sakes Quick, Herman, give her the mill I can't, you made it too hot Now, how about you practicing what you preach? Look, you woke the baby up All right, I'm sorry I didn't intend to, and I apologize We're all here to see a movie So let's relax and enjoy ourselves You want to be friends? Certainly Okay, stick your hand out the window All right, there Ouch! You see, Moidal, I told you the bottle was too hot What about the kids? The other kids Yeah, Billy, Tom, and Susie, Thicky, and Oiving, a light sleeper And if they wake up, they'll disturb Katie, Alice, Melvin, Julius, and the twins How many children have you got? Who knows, it's dark in here He's got you, now go to sleep now We had to come to a drive-in I want to hear the picture done Roll down your window and get the speaker, huh? Okay Here, I'll just hang it over the window ledge here No, Abigail Abigail, my darling, these moments with you Were like a dream Yes, Charles I only live when we're together Oh, hold me closer How I love you, Abigail But these secret rendezvous What if your husband catches us? Oh, that's impossible He's away for the weekend Don, turn the speaker up a little It isn't on yet That's the couple in the next car There, it's on now Hey, this is exciting Yeah, Abigail's kissing him again Watch the picture Yes, Ray Brighton I'm not blowing your horn I'm not blowing it, it's stuck There must be a short Can't they blackball me? Yeah, I'm so embarrassed Look, it was an accident If you don't like being next to me, why don't you move? I should move I should move It's just no sense staying here Why don't you take that space over in the next row Oh, maybe you're right Some people just won't let you have a good time Better go in here, Jack Next to this convertible Oh, yeah, there's a spot there Now maybe we can enjoy the picture Come closer, Cynthia Your kisses do something to me And yours drill me too But Robert, I worry so What if your wife catches us? Impossible Abigail thinks I'm out of town for the weekend She's a whole family is here I wonder if I should tell Abigail Now, why get involved? Look, look, they're about to start the surprise feature Oh, good, the second feature I turn up the speaker, Don And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Palisade's driving Takes pleasure in presenting another Oh, boy, I hope this is a good one Jack will be back in just a minute But first, a word to you smokers Who are looking for better taste in a cigarette Better taste, friends Is the prime concern of the makers of Lucky Strike That's why a lucky is made of fine, good-tasting tobacco That's toasted to taste even better Yes, better taste begins with fine, light, mild tobacco Good-tasting tobacco And then that tobacco is toasted It's toasted, the famous Lucky Strike process Brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor Tones up this naturally good-tasting tobacco To make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother So make your next carton Lucky Strike And be happy, go Lucky If you want better taste from your cigarette Lucky Strike is the brand to get It's toasted to give you the best taste Yet it's the toasted cigarette They take fine tobacco, it's light Tobacco, it's mild tobacco And it's toasted, yes, it's toasted Because the toasting brings the flavor right through So to get better taste from your cigarette Lucky Strike is the brand to get It's toasted to give you the best taste Yet it's the toasted cigarette It's me, Rochester Boys, you're home early Didn't they have a second feature at the drive-in? Yes, but most of the people left Well, that doesn't make any difference As opposed to show it anyway I know, but in the middle of the third reel The projectionist committed suicide Good night, Rochester, I'm going to bed The Jack Benny program is written by Sam Perrin, Milt Josephsburg, George Balzer, John Packaberry, Al Gordon, Al Goldman And produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marx The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike Product of the American Tobacco Company America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes