 Good morning, John, and the grand tradition of people on the internet assuming that others care about and aim details of their lives, I have decided that today I'm going to give you a tour of the inside of my nightstand, as ultimately this probably says more about me than any home tour or drugstore haul video ever could. First we have my iPad, which I use as a slightly more convenient and vaguely futuristic way to look at tweets. I did this more when I kept my iPad on the nightstand, but then my son turned two and transformed into a monster that screams for 15 minutes every time he sees an iPad. So now I have to hide it. Okay. Sure. This is just trash. Ooh. An octopus. And a dollar. I got these after my eardrums ruptured during a flight because I had a sinus infection, but I have not had to use them since, so I have no idea if they help. Granny Potty Mouth gave me a business card so big that it is obviously a postcard. There are actually lots of business cards in the drawer. I like how she's just sort of vaguely gesturing at a cloud of pink stickers here. This is a bunch of lens cloths that I got from an optometrist fan on tour. I never cleaned my glasses though because as previously mentioned, I am oblivious to everything. More stickers. Oh my god, I'm only two burritos away from a free burrito. I had no idea this was in here. Oh god, this is the list of people I need to write thank you cards to for helping me with my book in one way or another. Now I'm stressed out just knowing that it exists. I'm sorry. This is actually something that should be in here. It's nice to have a notebook. Here are my notes from my Creator Track keynote at VidCon Australia last year. This is a fart noise machine. John, I'm a 39 year old man and I can't bring myself to throw away a fart noise machine. It doesn't even have batteries. Another sticker. I'm pretty sure that this card was supposed to give me access to FX's streaming platform, but I could not be bothered to type in the code. Anybody else want it? Okay, here are some more stickers. Cables, cables, cables, cables, cables, cables. What the frick is this one for? Pens, pens, pens, pens, pens, pens, pens, pens, fancy pen. And you know, here are two of the most complex and astounding objects ever created by humans that I threw into a drawer because I was done with them and I couldn't be bothered to spend 20 minutes finding them new homes. I'm a terrible person. I have heard that everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around, so I have one of those. Oh my God, Gilbert! You might be thinking right now, that's actually the first enamel pen we found. Don't worry, I keep them all in this Snitchwiches box. Everybody should have a Snitchwiches box for their enamel pens. Look at them all. I don't have a problem. Hey, if you're into enamel pens and want to help support the work this community is doing to decrease maternal mortality in Sierra Leone, the Pin Club is open for just two more days. $12 a month free shipping anywhere in the world. These are the dice I used in Titan's Grave, so I'm glad I had somewhere to put them. I didn't lose them. Look at them. Yeah, memories. Oh great, a cufflink. I definitely eat cufflinks. And this is a shoelace? Just getting to the dregs now, these frickin' things. Does anybody use these? The only thing they do is go in frickin' drawers. Oh, a lone loose puzzle piece. I'm sure that's not a problem. And this frickin' piece of useless metal that my government is too busy being terrible to not get rid of. Cool. Cool, cool. So what did we have? 22 business cards and one business postcard, two flash drives, eight writing utensils, one D22 lip balms and some cold sore medication, a bunch of earbud replacements and other ear things, six miscellaneous peripherals, one recipe for pot roast, a bunch of actual trash, 17 stickers, four cards to daddy, so many cables, $1.60 and like $1,200 of electronics. So now, how's about we make some actual decisions, because I'm not a child. Oh, God, that feels so much better, except for frickin' fine. You go back in, too. Again, it's your last chance to sign up for the DFTBA Bizarre Beasts Pin Pal Club. John, I'll see you on Tuesday.