 All right, today's toolbox is all about growing your charisma. Why it's so important and how it has an impact on your career, your personal relationships and your ability to grow your social capital, as well as a common myth that many of us believe around charisma and growing our charisma. We're going to break down the three fundamental components of charisma and how you can grow your charisma to be more memorable, to be more interesting, and ultimately to build deeper connections with people. I'm so excited to have Johnny and Michael here today to discuss charisma on this toolbox episode. Now, we've all seen charismatic people. They light up a room and people want to talk to them and connect with them. We seek charismatic people when we're out. So how can we become more charismatic? When we see charismatic people, they can seem as if they're larger than life. They burn a picture in our mind and they tend to grow in our mind. Just by the way, that whole room treats them. When you stand there next to them, you don't think anything of it, but it's just the perception of how they directed the energy in that room makes them seem larger than life. And you can do this too. You can be that person. And it seems always magical. I think every listener knows what we're talking about when we describe these people walking into room, but it's your hard push to decide what actually makes this person, what gives this person this charisma that they take over the room. Everyone looks at them when they come in, everyone wants to talk to them. And charisma is essential to being influential. So if you feel stuck in your career, maybe passed over for promotion, you feel that your social life is lacking, your friends aren't reaching out to you as much, you're not being asked to hang out, or maybe even romantically you're struggling to get second dates, ultimately it comes down to a lack of influence, not being influential. And charisma is the first pillar of influence. The second pillar is communication, how you communicate with others makes you influential. And the third piece is the relationships you have or the social capital, as we call it. When you're charismatic, when you are an amazing communicator and you have social capital, you're influential, you're promoted, you get ahead in your career effortlessly and you make friends easily. So that's why it's so important that we understand the role that charisma has in growing our influence. And that's why I'm excited to break down. How do we actually grow our charisma to become more influential? Maybe let's start here, even though this is a little bit tricky and I'll tell you why in a second. So the definition of charisma, let's start there. Because just like I said a minute ago, when people walk into the room and they do have this charisma, we still have a hard time making out what exactly is it. It's not the limousine that parked in front of the place a minute earlier. It's something else. And this is termed charisma and it was first described by actually a German sociologist. So leave charisma to the Germans. The sociologist was called Max Weber and this was just a hundred years ago. And so he was the first one to work around in this field. And to this day, the concept is quite new and vague. So there was a big research done by John Ano Tonakis and his team where they looked at various a variety of studies and research done around the field. And this was in 2016 and they ended up calling this paper Charisma an ill-defined and ill-measured gift. So the reason charisma is difficult to measure and also difficult to define is that it is something you recognize immediately. And at the same time, it is measured by how you are received. So how charismatic I am in this room as we're recording this is defined by what I'm doing. What gives me the charisma, however, is how AJ and Johnny how you're reacting to me. So this makes it, this is what makes it difficult to actually measure. And so for the purpose of the definition of this episode today, I would like to go with the definition that psychology today has used and they write, Charisma is the ability to attract, charm and influence the people around you. I think that's a good one. And before it was defined, do you know what they called it, Michael? The divine gift. In the music industry and well, entertainment, it was just called the it factor. It was always it, this person. I think Stephen King might have ruined that verbiage a little bit in the 80s. Well, that's what they called it. It was always it. This Michael has it, AJ has it. It's just how they defined it. And that's why it has been difficult for everyone to verbalize and articulate what this actually is. But now the research is out. We have all this data that has been collected and it is now defined as Charisma and the definition that you use, Michael encompasses what it is. Now the problem with it, have it, has a connotation that, well, aren't you born with it? Is Charisma something that you can actually develop? Or do some people just luck of the draw have it and others don't have it? Right. And if you feel right now as you're listening to it, that you might not have it. It's very easy to be hard on yourself. It's very easy to get upset when you see others who seem to have it. But in actuality, it's a combination of three skills that you can learn and develop. And it's something that we do with all of our coaching clients because it's so key to you growing your influence and being successful. I love that, AJ. And that is very important. And this goes back to the days that I was bartending, managing a bar, and I was working in the music industry. I was also a talent buyer. And I was also one of the people who were performing. And I lived in that performance art world. And as a bartender, my world was all involved in the people, the performances, the people that were coming in out of that club. There was a lot of creatives. And we use that term all the time, oh, so-and-so has it, so-and-so has it. But when they were young or we would call it, they have raw it. Yeah, the raw it and the it. I mean, whenever we look at personality traits like this, we always look at nature versus nurture. There are always two components to it. You might have been really lucky in the gene lottery and you've gotten some charisma, some divine gift handed to you when you started out on day one. And then there is also nurtures, like what kind of training do I put into this? Do I surround myself with the right people? Do I get the right mentors to really get this tweaked to perfection? And Angela Duckworth in her book, Grid, she addresses that topic as well. And she says that when it comes to your natural gift, your nature versus your nurture, then training and putting the grid in and working on things always outperforms talent or nature. So it's important to realize that this is a combination of conscientiousness or extraversion as part of our genetic makeup. But then also it's how you interact with others and how others perceive you. So if you grew up maybe as a single child or you didn't have a lot of socialization, you didn't have a lot of great modeling, well, that's where the nurture comes in. So how do we amplify the nurture? How do we actually break charisma down into three skill sets that we can practice, we can hone, and ultimately we can turn on to showcase that charisma when it really matters when we're meeting people for the first time to become more memorable. I think before we break this down into three components, I think it's really important to outline something here for those that are starting out. Charisma can't be faked. You come across as literally as a fake. So there's one study that I really like that is by Sakaro Samp, Kemp and Bader in 2004. And they explored various leadership traits, including charisma. And they also discussed how charismatic traits can be learned, but in their study also they found out that if you fake charisma as a leader or as a person at a social event just trying to connect with new friends, if you fake charisma, you'll quickly come off as creating a lack of authenticity and trust. So what we're about to break down these three skills that we're going to talk about, they can't be faked, they can be learned, and there's something that you want to practice repeatedly so they become something you do unconsciously because the more conscious you are in being charismatic, the less authentic and ultimately trustworthy you are. So that's the paradox that we're working with here. So let's start with the first skill that we need to hone to grow our charisma and that is presence. If you get this one right, you'll be 90% plus ahead of the rest of the population. Why is that? Well, as we've talked about in so many previous episodes, our presence, our ability to be in the moment is being constantly obliterated by devices, distractions, notifications, the world environment going on around us. So your ability to hone into the present moment with the person or group of people you're talking to sets the tone for how charismatic you will be. Now, one of the things that we see in a lot of our clients who join us is they can't quite be present because they're so focused on themselves. In fact, they're inward facing, right, Johnny? Yes, and you mentioned all the extraneous activity and stimulus that is going on that forces us out of being present. And then when we go out and we go to a social engagement, a social event, we have now the added pressure of other people's thoughts and seeing other people's faces. And this will put us in a place of wanting to self soothe due to all of that stimuli. This forces us in our heads and going through whatever it might be that we need to feel comfortable in that moment. However, that takes us out of the present moment and a present consciousness to connect with other people. And one thing we see on video constantly with people who feel like they're stuck in their head or they're inward is there's a degree of self judgment going on. Am I doing the right thing? Am I saying the right thing? How are people perceiving me? And even though that judgment is pointed towards yourself when other people interact with you, they feel judged. They feel based on your body language and the way that you're self soothing. As Johnny said, closing yourself off to protect yourself, to feel more comfortable and deal with the self judgment you have. You're actually appearing or coming across like you're judging others, which makes you off putting and uncharismatic. So what's the solution here? How do we actually break out of this inward tension that we're feeling and become more present in the moment with someone we're meeting for the first time? Well, the answer is empathy. Empathy means you're able to put yourself in another person's situation. Well, you can't put yourself in another person's situation if all you're doing is thinking about yourself in the current situation you're in. That requires you to actually learn something about the other person, to be curious about who this other person is. What has their journey been like? What destination are they heading towards in their life? It doesn't mean that you agree with them. It doesn't mean that you're agreeable AJ and say, yes, awesome, cool, totally to everything they say. But instead, you're trying to go a level deeper in conversation to really get to understand what makes this person tick? What has their experience been like that led them here? So a big part of empathy is something that we develop at around three to five years old and that is called theory of mind. That is my ability to get into AJ's head and figure out what he's thinking. I definitely need that for empathy. So the theory of mind thing is something that we learn as kids. We learn as adults. We improve. We get better and better at perspective taking as our own experience in life grows. Fun fact here that has nothing to do with science, but one of the leading researchers in theory of mind is Simon Baron Cohen, the brother of Sasha Baron Cohen, who's known for his work as Borat and Ali Ji. So that's something to be said about this thing. But to break it down just a little for empathy, for theory of mind, you need to be able to take perspective. You need to be able to see the world through the eyes of someone else. So even if you're disagreeing with someone on something, maybe I disagree with AJ on the fact that Italian food is really great, right? That might be the case, but theory of mind, perspective taking empathy allows me to see the world through AJ's eyes and how I don't know what might give rise to his proclivity towards Italian food. But by thinking on a different level about this, going a little stepping outside of my own head for a little bit and ask myself, what made AJ say that? What could I ask him to find out what made that happen? That is the level of empathy that we need to bring into the conversation. And at its core, this is what we call value. Attention, approval and acceptance. When you bring those three As into any interaction by giving value to others, showcasing that you actually want to get to know them on a deeper level, instead of just focusing on yourself, and even worse, focusing inward on yourself and maybe not saying anything, you become more present in the interaction. And the best part is when you actually interact with someone who's charismatic, take note of how little it is that they talk about and how much interest they express in you. That's the most amazing thing about charismatic people. They actually don't spend much time talking about themselves and instead they spend a lot of time getting to know you on a much deeper level. So we can use this presence to our advantage and bring empathy into the interaction to make that leap towards becoming more charismatic, to unlock your own inner charisma. And what's so cool about this is that this change that happens when people suddenly switch on their empathy and they train it. This is something that we at the Art of Charm see every month in our implementation sessions and our improv sessions, where you suddenly do have to really train what is the other person thinking right now? What do I need to listen for? What can I ask? And the session usually starts with everyone being a little bit timid, not being really sure, what should I say? And then we do the first couple of practice rounds and people are like, oh, this is how it works. This is what I need to listen for. This is how it's say it. And then 60 minutes later, everyone's like, well, that was easy, why didn't I learn this 20 years ago? This is fun. They don't even want to end the session. We're done guys, you did great. I was like, no, let's do another round. There's so much more we need to discuss or we don't even run out of stories anymore. What I love about the X Factor implementation sessions is it allows our clients an opportunity to learn what to listen for. Because here's the issue. When you're self soothing, you're focused inward. So what does your body language do? Well, it closes off, you might be looking down. It's difficult for other people to talk to you. But here's the issue. It's like, okay, well then what is my body language supposed to be? Well, if you wanna be able to be receptive, you have to open up your body language. You have to hold your head up. You have to look into the other person. Here's what's difficult. Everyone's like, okay, now what do I focus on? What am I training myself to listen for? Well, in the implementation sessions, right, we learn how to focus our attention to the emotional bids that allows people that theory of mind to have an understanding of what it is to feel like that other person, to see things like that other person. And here is where the emotional connection happens. Because in order for me to have an understanding of how AJ feels, I have to feel those exact same emotions as well, and by discussing them puts me in that state. While I'm in that state, we are sharing now in an emotional state that we're both in, in the present. And there in lies the connection. And in our X Factor Implementation Sessions, not only do you learn what to listen for, but you also learn the cues to look for, to show you that these concepts are working and that there is a connection happening. When you begin to see those cues, you can start to feel comfortable, right? That your ability to connect with people, it's now happening. And you know, you can feel good about, I had a great connection with Michael the other night. We were hanging out, it was so awesome. And of course, Michael was like, wow, hanging out with Johnny. I had no idea he was so intuitive of the room. And there was just a natural response to being able to share that emotion that we both share. And we remember that. That's the connection. Exactly. When you bring presence and empathy into the interaction, the other person remembers you because you make them feel good. You make them feel validated. You make them feel heard. You make them feel understood. And that's why we're communicating in the first place. No one wants to leave an invite or an event or a social gathering feeling misunderstood, feeling unheard, feeling invalidated. So that's why this skill set is so important. And the more you practice it in various contexts, whether inside the implementation sessions or with friends, family, people you already know, coworkers, the stronger this skill of presence is gonna become. And as we said, since so much of the modern world is destroying our ability to be present, you set yourself so further than everyone else on this planet by developing this skill set, which is the first step to unlocking your charisma. Let's talk about the second pillar to unlocking that charisma. That's enthusiasm. It's the next piece of the puzzle. Now, of course, when we think about enthusiasm, we might have a common pitfall or an idea that, oh, enthusiasm means, I just have to talk about how great I am, how amazing I am, all the awesome things and fun things I'm doing in my life. And that's a common pitfall we see with our clients, right, Johnny? Absolutely. And the other part of that is, if you've been focused on your career, then you've allowed other things to your other interests to fall by the wayside. This leads then to you feeling that you're boring because the only thing that has been on your mind is work, that promotion, getting ahead, solidifying and stabilizing your lifestyle, all of those things, and if you have a dog or a pet or even a more responsible yet, a family, all of those things come down to you being good at your job. So that's where you're gonna put all of your efforts. So if you're feeling that you're boring, it's gonna be very hard to be enthusiastic outward in conversation when meeting people. So that's something we have to break. And it starts with how you actually feel about yourself. When you understand that even if, right at this moment, when you compare yourself to others, you feel like you haven't reached the same level of accomplishments, you haven't gone on the fun trips or you haven't done the cool things that other people around you have done, if you're viewing yourself as boring, you're then killing your ability to be charismatic when meeting other people. Because that self-judgment, again, robs you from your ability to not only be present, but then also be enthusiastic in other people's presence, to allow them to feel good around you. And the reason that enthusiasm is so important is because it's contagious. When we bring enthusiasm into the interaction, when we celebrate others, when we make them feel good for what they're discussing, what their favorite things are, what their accomplishments are, they then in turn want to make us feel good. It's reciprocal. So that's the beauty of it. By putting your focus on others, instead of self-judgment, I'm boring, I'm not enough, I haven't done anything interesting. Instead, if you celebrate everyone else's interest, accomplishments, trips, things that they are so excited to talk about, or as Johnny said, their emotional bids, you actually become contagious as a person. They want to spend more time with you. They want to express more interest in you. Now the thing here is, however, that not only are these enthusiastic emotions contagious, no, in fact, all emotions are contagious. So this fact of being contagious, which a little bit after the pandemic is still a weird thing to say, but the idea that emotions are contagious can also backfire because that means that if you are in a group of people and you are the boring person, the pessimistic person, the one who drags everyone down, everyone else is going to catch those emotions. Guess where they're going to go? Away from you and towards someone else. And this is why utilizing this enthusiasm within Charisma to create those positive emotions that people say, I don't know why exactly, but when I'm standing next to AJ, when I'm standing next to Johnny, I suddenly feel enthusiastic about my life. I feel so much better. I leave the party and I'm just, I could high five everyone. I feel so good about myself. And this is particularly important in people that are in leadership positions as a study in the leadership quarterly showed that was titled Charisma, positive emotions and mood contagion. And they found that charismatic leaders utilize positive emotions to influence their followers. That's obvious, but they also found that mood contagion was a key mechanism in that form of leadership. And they, to quote them at the end, they write, our results confirm the idea that charismatic leaders are influential by virtue of the emotions they induce in followers and the emotional climate they create. So let's unpack this. What is the emotional climate that you are creating around people? People you're meeting for the first time, friends and family, coworkers. Yes, that's right. You create an emotional climate. Your emotions are contagious. So if you're feeling that you're boring, odds are you're not creating a positive fund, warm, inviting emotional climate around others. So in turn, they're gonna wanna spend less time with you, not more. And as we know Charisma leads to people wanting more time with us, chasing us, seeking us, giving us promotions, giving us leadership roles because they enjoy our presence. So when we bring enthusiasm, when we bring a positive emotional climate around people that we're interacting with, they're gonna wanna spend more time with us. So how do we do it? Instead of focusing on yourself and your accomplishments and how boring you might feel you are at this present moment, if you bring enthusiasm towards other people's accomplishments, their stories, their adventures, their excitement, their emotional bids, then what actually ends up happening is they feel a positive emotional climate around us, they view that enthusiasm in a positive light and they see you as more charismatic. AJ, I have an anecdote to this that I wanna share that I think will enlighten our audience. You and I, several years ago, had the opportunity to interview Kobe Bryant. And you were a huge basketball fan and of course, Kobe, what's to say about Kobe? I mean, the guy was an impressive figure in many different aspects of his life. In fact, we were interviewing him because he now was putting together a series of children's books. Now, I remember that day and we were both really nervous. I was trying not to even think about the interview because I didn't wanna put myself into a nervous state. But I gotta say that when we got there and there was so much nervous energy in the room because of this man who was coming in and who had all the accolades and all the awards and an impressive figure. There was a lot of children there that were excited to meet Kobe. We were there to do our interview and it was an interesting setup. And so just a little background on Kobe, he and his father played in the European leagues and it was a famous basketball player in his own right. So Kobe was brought up in this world. So what had happened is when he entered the room, him and his entourage went to the back room and there was not really any interaction with anybody. This was to give Kobe an opportunity that turned off a few switches that allowed him to take care of business and to turn on some switches in his mind to allow him to be present. And when he exited that room and came out, you could see the difference in his demeanor and how he behaved in that room because he knew what to turn on to be present and to be successful in that arena. And I remember how he engaged with each one of those kids and how he took interest in those kids and those kids in the sports that they're in and their studies and he chatted with them and he was asking all these questions and all of those kids were lighting up. And this only made me even more nervous because I was like, we are dealing with somebody who understands this at a very fundamental level. In fact, his aura, a character had been created not only on the court, but off the court. And let's be honest, Kobe had a few off court issues early in his career that he had to make up for. So it was important for him to get this right and it was impressive. But everything that we are talking about in this episode was exhibited in Kobe in that moment. And just watching somebody who had a lifelong experience with this turn it off and on, it was amazing. I love it. This is what is so special about this because you can be Kobe. You can learn how to turn this on. Now, what's something else that Kobe had to go along with that enthusiasm? Optimism. Oh yeah. Even after all the missed shots, even after all the failures, he was optimistic that the second he stepped on the court, he was gonna win. And that optimism is something that we have to work on because if you're right now feeling that you're boring, it's gonna be very hard for you then to beat back that pessimism that you're feeling about yourself. And as Michael said, emotions are contagious. So if we're self-reflective, if we're self-judgmental and we're focusing on how we're boring, odds are we're starting to view things in a very pessimistic light. And that pessimism is also contagious. So that pessimism is gonna be very hard to hide in an interaction with others. So boring is actually a very slippery slope. If you start to call yourself boring, if you start to slip into a pessimistic state of mind, that pessimism is what people are gonna remember about you, which is not charismatic. So we have to become optimistic. When we're optimistic, we actually turn up the volume on our charisma. And optimists believe no matter what, there's always choices. Not that there's always positive outcomes, but that there's always choices to be made. So whatever the end result is, the choice you have is what am I taking from this? What perspective can I take from this? What lesson can I take from this? How am I turning that negative event into something reflective that I can look back on in a positive light? And lastly, optimists are able to laugh at themselves and not in a derogatory self-deprecating way, but in a way that allows other people to drop their guard and feel more comfortable around them. And this is something that we work hard with our clients to break, because when you're feeling boring and you're starting to fall into that pessimism trap, it's very hard no matter how much you work on other skills, listening, networking, what to say in conversation, it's very hard to develop that charisma that makes people wanna spend more time with you. So we have to break free from that pessimism trap and that ability to view yourself in a boring light. And this reminds me of our client Adam, because when Adam joined the X Factor Accelerator, he literally told me on the call that he was not a people person. In fact, he wasn't very enthusiastic at all around meeting new people. And when I dug a little deeper, I asked him why and he was like, because I'm boring, AJ. When I meet other people, they have so much going on when I go to their social media, they're doing all these fun trips, they have all these accomplishments, they've done all these things with their life. And when I think about myself, I just don't stack up. And since I don't stack up, well, I don't really wanna spend a lot of time around other people because I feel that they're then in turn gonna judge me like I'm judging myself. And the big key takeaway for Adam from X Factor Accelerator was not so much around becoming the most adventurous eater or going on the craziest trips or slaying the greatest dragons as Michael likes to say. Instead, it was how can I be more enthusiastic about other people that I'm meeting in my life? My friends, my family, my coworkers and then strangers that I'm now talking to through the program and through the implementation sessions. And what Adam found was that the more enthusiasm he expressed around strangers, people who's meeting for the first time, the more enthusiasm they expressed around him and the more time they wanted to spend with him. And all of a sudden, through that feedback loop of other people seeking him out, wanting to spend time with him, saying yes to hanging out, he actually started to break free from that pessimism around other people and stop viewing himself as boring because if people wanna hang out with you, well, you can't be that boring, right? You actually have to be pretty interesting and pretty fun if people wanna spend time with you. So that was actually a huge takeaway from the program for Adam. It was not what many of us think building this crazy life resume of all these wild adventures and being the person who has a long bucket list and you've accomplished all of it and talking about yourself, but instead switching from pessimism to optimism, bringing that enthusiasm into the conversation with others actually made him more charismatic and made people more interested in spending time with him. The last point I just wanna make on this piece, which is that switch from a pessimistic attitude to an optimistic one is one that needs to be practiced. It is something that you have to begin doing every day to strengthen that trait, to strengthen that optimism. That optimism isn't our natural state. Our natural state is the pessimism. This is what makes it so difficult because it's that pessimism that has kept us alive. It is that pessimism that has us hearing the rustling in the bushes and thinking I don't need to go over there because it could mean I would be getting eaten, right? The optimistic person goes, hey, there could be something in those bushes that I could eat. And that's why all of our exercises inside the implementation sessions of the X Factor Accelerator create space for positive reflection. For you to surround yourself with other people who see you in an optimistic light and to get some positive feedback to counter some of the negative feedback and self-judgment that you're facing. And let's be honest, when you find yourself in a pessimism loop, you tend to only attract other pessimists. Optimists don't like to spend a lot of time with super pessimistic people because it drains their battery. So if you are finding yourself right now in a pessimistic loop and you start to look around and realize, well, I'm also reflecting back what a lot of people in my life are sharing, you might wanna change things up and join a community of optimists who create space for positive self-reflection and allow you to break free from that pessimistic loop. There's a saying that has always been in my mind about that, which is show me who you're hanging out with and I'll be able to tell you who you are. It's a beautiful quote and it literally is the foundation of you becoming more charismatic. Now the third and final pillar in growing your charisma, supercharging your charisma in fact, is confidence. And unfortunately for a lot of us, if we're lacking in the confidence area, we're not gonna be able to show up and turn on that charisma with new people, with strangers, or even with friends, family and coworkers, or even worse on a first date. So we have to build a skill set around confidence so that we can express and showcase that confidence when we're meeting people and in turn supercharge our charisma. A huge pitfall here around confidence is a lot of times we think in order to express or showcase confidence, I have to talk about myself, I have to sell myself, sometimes even have to brag about myself so those around me can feel that I'm confident. Yeah, we call that false confidence and it's the natural default that we all assume about being confident. And this is why we're gonna walk into the room when we're gonna look for opportunities to sell ourselves and think about that. If I'm in a conversation with AJ and we're out and about and I'm thinking in my mind, how can I interject, how awesome I am in this conversation? Well, then I'm not being very present, am I? And confidence is not something that you just have. You earn it through competency. Exactly, you earn it through experiencing that self-doubt and taking action anyways. You learn it through feeling not up to snuff but going after that goal, hitting the gym, going to that social event, putting yourself in the arena as we like to say. And unfortunately for a lot of us when we think about selling ourselves, well, that sounds terrible. I don't wanna be in a situation where I have to sell myself constantly, prove my confidence to other people in order to be valued. That sounds awful. So the key here when we think about how to actually sell ourselves is not talk about the destination, not talk about the achievements, the accomplishments, list your resume and everything that you have been able to gain for yourself in life but instead sell yourself by talking about the journey. What did you do along the way? What were the doubts you had? What dragons did you slay to get there? How did that goal for yourself actually become a reality? And what made that a goal in your life instead of just talking about the destination, talking about how you got there actually makes you not only appear more confident but it makes you more charismatic when meeting other people. And that is also something that I as a public speaker see a lot at events like TEDx and so on where people will say, well, that speaker was really confident. Like all of the speakers were really confident. And that is true. They're definitely, I mean, it definitely takes some confidence to be able to stand in front of a couple of thousand people and give you a talk. But the reason these people are perceived rightfully as confident is that as a good speaker you don't talk about the accomplishments. You don't talk about, I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this. You structure your talk by saying, this was my dream. This is what I struggled with. These were the obstacles. Here's where I thought I would never be able to get there. And here's what I worked on. And here was the support that I got. Here's my journey. And ta-da, here's the destination. Here's the outcome. And then people clap and they hear the outcome but they remember the story. They remember how someone went through struggles and overcame them, how someone had to grow and learned where and how to do it. And then they walk away from the talk and they say, well, that speaker was really confident. And that speaker most of the time spoke about struggles and ideas and dreams and broken hearts. Michael, here's one that you will remember very well. And it's dear to our heart because her research and vulnerability has impacted our show. And we use, and we talk a lot about that research and data. But Brene Brown got her start, she did a TED Talk on her research in vulnerability. And unfortunately for her, she had to be vulnerable in her talk about her research in vulnerability. And when she delivered that TED Talk, when it came out, it was very popular, but she was unbelievably shaken up over being vulnerable on that stage and sharing her work. And she was talking about the journey that she took in order to do all of that research. She was so terrified and so nervous about how it would be received that she tried to get TEDx to take down that talk. And it blew up because so many people were able to relate to her journey about vulnerability and how uncomfortable she was about vulnerability. And that propelled her into stardom. I mean, that's how she got her break, how her research became so popular. And Brene now is part of that Oprah circle. And also watching that talk, you'll see Brene shows enthusiasm about her research. She shows optimism about what's possible. She's definitely present when she's up there on stage and she adds that confidence piece by talking about the journey as well as the destination. And that just makes that lady incredibly charismatic up there on that talk that she hoped only 300 people would ever see. And it's existence. And there's a perfect example of this from a client Matt in the X Factor Accelerator who is a real estate investor, is a part of numerous masterminds with real estate investors who've been in the game for 20, 30, 40 years longer than him who have way more in assets under management, larger developments. And oftentimes in these situations, he feels this lack of confidence. He feels like he can't stack up to those around him. And of course, if he was to just list off his accomplishments and compare those to others, well, he might actually be less confident in that setting. So what we worked on together was, well, what's the story? Because when he was going to mastermind events, people would ask him why real estate or what's your story, literally? And he would often find himself saying, well, you know, I got started a few years ago and it's fun. And what we did in working on his story was we decided to focus on the journey, what inspired him to get started in real estate and what has his journey in real estate created in terms of an opportunity for him. And what he found was he got started in real estate because his dad was a successful businessman. Unfortunately, his dad was so humble he didn't even know how successful his dad was as a businessman until he passed and he took an internship in his dad's company. And then he realized everything that his dad had built. So that inspired him to go into business. And after having a few false starts in business, he learned real estate from a mentor and had some success with his first investment. And what he realized on the real estate investment journey was that it actually allowed him to be creative, to tap into his creativity in building deals, finding tenants and creating win-win opportunities for everyone. And it was that creativity and that opportunity to be more creative that inspired him to carry on in the real estate investment game. Now, in sharing that story at a recent event, he actually found not only did he feel more confident in himself, but he started to get more questions about his journey and actually interests in the deals he was working on. Whereas previously in going to some of these mastermind events and networking with people, he would find himself being quiet, a little bit standoffish, not knowing what to say and certainly not feeling comfortable selling himself as many of us think selling ourselves is listing our accomplishments. So the next time you're in a situation where you might be surrounded by people who you feel are more accomplished, share your journey instead of the destination and you'll find that you not only appear more confident but you actually will feel more confident internally. This brings up a great point from an author that we've had on the show by the name of Laura Huang who wrote the book Edge. And she makes a point that you must be able to tell your story or a story will be attributed to you. And you want to make sure that you're telling the story that you can be confident in, right? One that showcases who you are because you don't want to have a story attributed to you that is less flattering than the one that actually is.