 CHAPTER IX On the last Saturday in April, the New York Times published an account of the strike complications which were delaying Alexander's New Jersey Bridge, and stated that the engineer himself was in town and at his office on West Tenth Street. On Sunday, the day after this notice appeared, Alexander worked all day at his Tenth Street rooms. His business often called him to New York, and he had kept an apartment there for years, subletting it when he went abroad for any length of time. Besides his sleeping room and bath, there was a large room, formerly a painter's studio, which he used as a study and office. It was furnished with the cast-off possessions of his bachelor days, and with odd things which he sheltered for friends of his, who followed itinerant and more or less artistic callings. Over the fireplace there was a large, old-fashioned, gilt mirror. Alexander's big work-table stood in front of one of the three windows, and above the couch hung the one picture in the room, a big canvas of charming color and spirit, a study of the Luxembourg Gardens in early spring, painted in his youth by a man who had since become a portrait painter of international renown. He had done it for Alexander when they were students together in Paris. Sunday was a cold, raw day, and a fine rain fell continuously. When Alexander came back from dinner he put more wood on his fire, made himself comfortable, and settled down at his desk where he began checking over estimate sheets. It was after nine o'clock and he was lighting a second pipe when he thought he heard a sound at his door. He started and listened, holding the burning match in his hand. Again he heard the same sound like a firm, light tap. He rose and crossed the room quickly. When he threw open the door he recognized the figure that shrank back into the bare, dimly lit hall. He stood for a moment in awkward constraint, his pipe in his hand. "'Come in,' he said to Hilda at last, and close the door behind her. He pointed to a chair by the fire and went back to his work-table. Won't you sit down?' He was standing behind the table, turning over a pile of blueprints nervously. The yellow light from the student's lamp fell on his hands and the purple sleeves of his velvet smoking jacket. But his flushed face and big hard head were in the shadow. There was something about him that made Hilda wish herself at her hotel again, in the street below, anywhere but where she was. "'Of course I know, Bartley,' she said at last, that after this you won't owe me the least consideration. But we sail on Tuesday. I saw that interview in the paper yesterday, telling where you were, and I thought I had to see you. That's all. Good night. I'm going now.' She turned and her hand closed on the doorknob. Alexander hurried toward her and took her gently by the arm. "'Sit down, Hilda. You're wet through. Let me take off your coat, and your boots, they're oozing water.' He knelt down and began to unlace her shoes, while Hilda shrank into the chair. "'Here, put your feet on this stool. You don't mean to say you walked down, and without overshoes?' Hilda hid her face in her hands. I was afraid to take a cab. Can't you see, Bartley, that I'm terribly frightened? I've been through this a hundred times today. Don't be any more angry than you can help. I was all right until I knew you were in town. If you'd sent me a note, or telephone to me, or anything, but you won't let me write to you, and I had to see you after that letter, that terrible letter you wrote me when you got home.' Alexander faced her, resting his arm on the mantelpiece behind him, and began to brush the sleeve of his jacket. "'Is this the way you mean to answer it, Hilda?' He asked, unsteadily. She was afraid to look up at him. "'Didn't you mean even to say goodbye to me, Bartley? Did you mean just to—' "'Leave me?' She asked. "'I came to tell you that I'm willing to do as you asked me. But it's no use talking about that now. Give me my things, please.' She put her hand out toward the fender. Alexander sat down on the arm of her chair. "'Did you think I had forgotten you were in town, Hilda? Do you think I kept away by accident? Do you suppose I didn't know you were sailing on Tuesday? There was a letter for you there in my desk drawer. It was to have reached you on the steamer. I was all the morning writing it. I told myself that if I were really thinking of you and not of myself, a letter would be better than nothing. Marks on paper mean something to you.' He paused. They never did to me. Hilda smiled up at him beautifully and put her hand on his sleeve. "'Oh, Bartley, did you write to me? Why didn't you telephone to me to let me know that you had? Then I wouldn't have come.' Alexander slipped his arm about her. "'I didn't know it before, Hilda. On my honour I didn't. But I believe it was because, deep down in me somewhere, I was hoping I might drive you to do just this. I've watched that door all day. I've jumped up if the fire crackled. I think I have felt that you were coming.' He bent his face over her hair. "'And I,' she whispered, I felt that you were feeling that. But when I came I thought I had been mistaken.' Alexander started up and began to walk up and down the room. "'No, you weren't mistaken. I've been up in Canada with my bridge, and I arranged not to come to New York until after you had gone. Then when your manager added two more weeks I was already committed.' He dropped upon the stool in front of her and sat with his hands hanging between his knees. "'What am I to do, Hilda?' "'That's what I wanted to see you about, Bartley. I'm going to do what you asked me to do when you were in London. Only I'll do it more completely. I'm going to marry.' "'Who?' "'Oh, it doesn't matter much. One of them. Only not Mac. I'm too fond of him.' Alexander moved restlessly. "'Are you joking, Hilda?' "'Indeed I'm not. Then you don't know what you're talking about.' "'Yes, I know very well. I've thought about it a great deal, and I've quite decided. I never used to understand how women did things like that. But I know now. It's because they can't be at the mercy of the man they love any longer.' Alexander flushed angrily. So it's better to be at the mercy of a man you don't love? Under such circumstances, infinitely. There was a flash in her eyes that made Alexander's flinch. He got up and went over to the window, threw it open, and leaned out. He heard Hilda moving about behind him. When he looked over his shoulder she was lacing her boots. He went back and stood over her. "'Hilda, you'd better think a while longer before you do that. I don't know what I ought to say, but I don't believe you'd be happy. Truly I don't. Aren't you trying to frighten me?' She tied the knot of the last lacing and put her boot heel down firmly. "'No, I'm telling you what I've made up my mind to do. I suppose I would better do it without telling you. But afterward I shan't have an opportunity to explain, for I shan't be seeing you again.' Alexander started to speak, but caught himself. When Hilda rose he sat down on the arm of her chair and drew her back into it. "'I wouldn't be so much alarmed if I didn't know how utterly reckless you can be. Don't do anything like that, Rashley.' His face grew troubled. "'You wouldn't be happy. You are not that kind of woman. I'd never have another hour's peace if I helped to make you do a thing like that.' She took her face between his hands and looked down into it. "'You see, you are different, Hilda. Don't you know you are?' His voice grew softer. His touch more and more tender. Some women can do that kind of thing, but you can love as queens did in the old time.' Hilda had heard that soft deep tone in his voice only once before. She closed her eyes, her lips and eyelids trembled. Only one, Bartley, only one, and he threw it back at me a second time. She felt the strength leap in the arms that held her so lightly. Try him again, Hilda, try him once again. She looked up into his eyes and hid her face in her hands. CHAPTER X On Tuesday afternoon a Boston lawyer, who had been trying a case in Vermont, was standing on the siding at White River Junction, when the Canadian Express pulled by on its northward journey. As the day coaches at the rear end of the long train swept by him, the lawyer noticed at one of the windows a man's head, with thick, rumpled hair. Curious, he thought, that looks like Alexander, but what would he be doing back there in the day coaches? It was, indeed, Alexander. That morning a telegram from Morlock had reached him, telling him that there was serious trouble with the bridge and that he was needed there at once, so he had caught the first train out of New York. He had taken a seat in a day coach to avoid the risk of meeting anyone he knew, and because he did not wish to be comfortable. When the telegram arrived, Alexander was at his rooms on Tenth Street, packing his bag to go to Boston. On Monday night he had written a long letter to his wife, but when morning came he was afraid to send it, and the letter was still in his pocket. Jennifer was not a woman who could bear a disappointment. She demanded a great deal of herself and of the people she loved, and she never failed herself. If he told her now, he knew, it would be irretrievable. There would be no going back. He would lose the thing he valued most in the world. He would be destroying himself and his own happiness. There would be nothing for him afterwards. He seemed to see himself dragging out a restless existence on the continent, Khan, Hyer, Algir, Cairo, among smartly dressed, disabled men of every nationality, for ever going on journeys that led nowhere, hurrying to catch trains that he might just as well miss, getting up in the morning with a great bustle and splashing of water, to begin a day that had no purpose and no meaning, dining late to shorten the night, sleeping late to shorten the day. And for what? For a mere folly, a masquerade, a little thing that he could not let go. And he could even let it go, he told himself. But he had promised to be in London at mid-summer, and he knew that he would go. It was impossible to live like this any longer. And this, then, was to be the disaster that his old professor had foreseen for him, the crack in the wall, the crash, the cloud of dust. And he could not understand how it had come about. He felt that he himself was unchanged, that he was still there, the same man he had been five years ago, and that he was sitting stupidly by and letting some resolute offshoot of himself spoil his life for him. This new force was not he, it was but a part of him. He would not even admit that it was stronger than he. But it was more active. It was by its energy that this new feeling got the better of him. His wife was the woman who had made his life gratified his pride, given direction to his tastes and habits. The life they led together seemed to him beautiful. Winifred still was, as she had always been, romance for him, and whenever he was deeply stirred he turned to her. When the grandeur and beauty of the world challenged him, as it challenges even the most self-absorbed people, he always answered with her name. That was his reply to the question put by the mountains and the stars, to all the spiritual aspects of life. In his feeling for his wife there was all the tenderness, all the pride, all the devotion of which he was capable. There was everything but energy, the energy of youth, which must register itself and cut its name before it passes. This new feeling was so fresh, so unsatisfied in light of foot. It ran and was not worried, anticipated him everywhere. It put a girdle round the earth while he was going from New York to Moorlock. At this moment it was tingling through him, exultant, and live as quick silver was spring, in July you will be in England. Already he dreaded the long empty days at sea, the monotonous Irish coast, the sluggish passage up the mercy, the flash of the boat train through the summer country. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to the feeling of rapid motion and to swift, terrifying thoughts. He was sitting like this, his face shaded by his hand, when the Boston lawyer saw him from the siding at White River Junction. When at last Alexander roused himself, the afternoon had waned to sunset. The train was passing through a grey country, and the sky over head was flushed with a white flood of clear colour. There was a rose-coloured light over the grey rocks and hills and meadows. Off to the left, under the approach of a weather-stained wooden bridge, a group of boys were sitting round a little fire. The smell of wood smoke blew in at the window. Except for an old farmer jogging along the high road in his wagon, there was not another living creature to be seen. Alexander looked back wistfully at the boys, camped on the edge of a little marsh, crouching under their shelter, and looking gravely at their fire. They took his mind back a long way to a campfire on a sandbar in a western river, and he wished he could go back and sit down with them. He could remember exactly how the world had looked then. It was quite dark, and Alexander was still thinking of the boys, when it occurred to him that the train must be nearing Alway. In going to his new bridge at Morlock, he had always to pass through Alway. The train stopped at Alway Mills, then wound two miles up the river, and then the hollow sound under his feet told Bartley that he was on his first bridge again. The bridge seemed longer than it had ever seemed before, and he was glad when he felt the beat of the wheels on solid railroad again. He did not like coming and going across that bridge, or remembering the man who built it. And was he indeed the same man who used to walk that bridge at night, promising such things to himself and to the stars? And yet he could remember it all so well. The quiet hills, sleeping in the moonlight, the slender skeleton of the bridge, reaching out into the river, and up yonder, alone on the hill, the big white house. Upstairs, in Winifred's window, the light that told him she was still awake, and still thinking of him. And after the light went out, he walked alone, taking the heavens into his confidence, unable to tear himself away from the white magic of the night, unwilling to sleep because longing was so sweet to him, and because, for the first time, since first the hills were hung with moonlight, there was a lover in the world. And always there was the sound of the rushing water underneath, the sound which, more than anything else, meant death, the wearing away of things, under the impact of physical forces, which men could direct but never circumvent or diminish. Then in the exaltation of love, more than ever it seemed to him to mean death, the only other thing as strong as love. Under the moon, under the cold, splendid stars, there were only those two things awake and sleepless, death and love, the rushing river and his burning heart. Alexander sat up and looked about him. The train was tearing on through the darkness. All his companions in the day-coach were either dosing or sleeping heavily, and the murky lamps were turned low. How came he here among all these dirty people? Why was he going to London? What did it mean? What was the answer? How could this happen to a man who had lived through that magical spring and summer, and who had felt that the stars themselves were but flaming particles in the faraway infinitudes of his love? What had he done to lose it? How could he endure the baseness of life without it? And with every revolution of the wheels beneath him, the unquiet quick silver in his breast told him that, at mid-summer, he would be in London. He remembered his last night there, the red foggy darkness, the hungry crowds before the theatres, the hand organs, the feverish rhythm of the blurred, crowded streets, and the feeling of letting himself go with the crowd. He shuddered and looked about him at the poor, unconscious companions of his journey, unkempt and travel-stained, now doubled in unlovely attitudes, who had come to stand to him for the ugliness he had brought into the world. And those boys back there, beginning it all just as he had begun it, he wished he could promise them better luck, if one could promise anyone better luck, if one could assure a single human being of happiness. He had thought he could do so once, and it was thinking of that that he at last fell asleep. In his sleep, as if it had nothing fresher to work upon, his mind went back and tortured itself with something years and years away, an old, long-forgotten sorrow of his childhood. When Alexander awoke in the morning, the sun was just rising through the pale golden ripples of cloud, and the fresh yellow light was vibrating through the pine woods. The white birches, with their little unfolding leaves, gleamed in the lowlands, and the marsh meadows were already coming to life with their first green, a thin, bright color, which had run over them like fire. As the train rushed along the trestles, thousands of wild birds rose screaming into the light. The sky was already a pale blue, and of the clearness of crystal. Bartley caught up his bag, and hurried through the Pullman coaches until he found the conductor. There was a stateroom unoccupied, and he took it, and set about changing his clothes. Last night he would not have believed that anything could be so pleasant as the cold water he dashed over his head and shoulders, and the freshness of clean linen on his body. After he had dressed, Alexander sat down at the window, and drew into his lungs deep breaths of the pine-scented air. He had awakened with all his old sense of power. He could not believe that things were as bad with him as they had seemed last night, that there was no way to set them exactly right. Even if he went to London at mid-summer, what would that mean except that he was a fool? And he had been a fool before. That was not the reality of his life, yet he knew that he would go to London. Half an hour later the train stopped at Moorlock. Alexander sprang to the platform, and hurried up the siding, waving to Philip Horton, one of his assistants, who was anxiously looking up at the windows of the coaches. Bartley took his arm, and they went together into the station buffet. I'll have my coffee first, Philip. Have you had yours? And now what seems to be the matter up here? The young man, in a hurried, nervous way, began his explanation. But Alexander cut him short. When did you stop work? He asked sharply. The young engineer looked confused. I haven't stopped work yet, Mr. Alexander. I didn't feel that I could go so far without definite authorization from you. Then why didn't you say in your telegram exactly what you thought and ask for your authorization? You'd have got it quick enough. Well, really, Mr. Alexander, I couldn't be absolutely sure, you know, and I didn't like to take the responsibility of making it public. Alexander pushed back his chair and rose. Anything I do can be made public, Phil. You say that you believe the lower cords are showing strain, and that even the workmen have been talking about it, and yet you've gone on adding weight. I'm sorry, Mr. Alexander, but I had counted on your getting here yesterday. My first telegram missed you somehow. I sent one Sunday evening to the same address, but it was returned to me. Have you a carriage out there? I must stop to send a wire. Alexander went up to the telegraph desk and penciled the following message to his wife. I may have to be here for some time. Can you come up at once? Urgent. Bartley. The Moorlach Bridge lay three miles above the town. When they were seated in the carriage, Alexander began to question his assistant further. If it were true that the compression members showed strain, with the bridge only two-thirds done, then there was nothing to do but pull the whole structure down and begin over again. Horton kept repeating that he was sure there could be nothing wrong with the estimates. Alexander grew impatient. That's all true, Phil, but we were never justified in assuming that a scale that was perfectly safe for an ordinary bridge would work well with anything of such length. It's all very well on paper, but it remains to be seen whether it can be done in practice. I should have thrown up the job when they crowded me. It's all nonsense to try to do what other engineers are doing when you know they're not sound. But just now, when there's such competition, the younger man gemured, and that's certainly the new line of development. Alexander shrugged his shoulders and made no reply. When they reached the bridge works, Alexander began his examination immediately. An hour later he sent for the superintendent. I think you had better stop work out there at once, Dan. I should say that the lower cord here might buckle at any moment. I told the commission that we were using higher unit stresses than any practice has established, and we've put the dead load at a low estimate. Theoretically it worked out well enough, but it had never actually been tried. Alexander put on his overcoat and took the superintendent by the arm. Don't look so chop-fallen, Dan. It's a nuisance, but we've got to face it. It isn't the end of the world, you know. Now, we'll go out and call the men off quietly. They're already nervous, Horton tells me, and there's no use alarming them. I'll go with you and we'll send the end-rividers in first. Alexander and the superintendent picked their way out, slowly over the long span. They went deliberately, stopping to see what each gang was doing, as if they were on an ordinary round of inspection. When they reached the end of the river span, Alexander nodded to the superintendent, who quietly gave an order to the foreman. The men in the end-gang picked up their tools, and, glancing curiously at each other, started back across the bridge toward the river bank. Alexander himself remained standing where they had been working, looking about him. It was hard to believe, as he looked back over it, that the whole great span was incurably disabled, was already as good as condemned, because something was out of line in the lower cord of the cantilever arm. The end-rividers had reached the bank and were dispersing among the tool-houses, and the second gang had picked up their tools and were starting toward the shore. Alexander, still standing at the edge of the river span, saw the lower cord of the cantilever arm give a little, like an elbow bending. He shouted and ran after the second gang, but by this time everyone knew that the big river span was slowly settling. There was a burst of shouting that was immediately drowned by the scream and cracking of tearing iron, as all the tension work began to pull asunder. Once the cords began to buckle, there were thousands of tons of iron work, all riveted together and lying in mid-air without support. It tore itself to pieces with roaring and grinding and noises that were like the shrieks of a steam whistle. There was no shock of any kind. The bridge had no impetus except from its own weight. It lurched neither to right nor left, but sank, almost in a vertical line, snapping and breaking and tearing as it went, because no integral part could bear for an instant the enormous strain loosed upon it. Some of the men jumped and some ran, trying to make the shore. At the first streak of the tearing iron, Alexander jumped from the downstream side of the bridge. He struck the water without injury and disappeared. He was under the river a long time and had great difficulty in holding his breath. When it seemed impossible and his chest was about to heave, he thought he heard his wife telling him that he could hold out a little longer. An instant later his face cleared the water. For a moment, in the depths of the river, he had realized what it would mean to die a hypocrite and to lie dead under the last abandonment of her tenderness. But once in the light and air he knew he should live to tell her and to recover all he had lost. Now at last he felt sure of himself. He was not startled. It seemed to him that he had been through something of this sort before. There was nothing horrible about it. This too was life, and life was activity, just as it was in Boston or in London. He was himself, and there was something to be done. Everything seemed perfectly natural. Alexander was a strong swimmer, but he had gone scarcely a dozen strokes when the bridge itself, which had been settling faster and faster, crashed into the water behind him. Immediately the river was full of drowning men. A gang of French Canadians fell almost on top of him. He thought he had cleared them when they began coming up all around him, clutching at him and at each other. Some of them could swim, but they were either hurt or crazed with fright. Alexander tried to beat them off, but there were too many of them. One caught him about the neck, another gripped him about the middle, and they went down together. When he sank his wife seemed to be there in the water beside him, telling him to keep his head, that if he could hold out the men would drown and release him. There was something he wanted to tell his wife, but he could not think clearly for the roaring in his ears. Suddenly he remembered what it was. He caught his breath, and then she let him go. The work of recovering the dead went on all day and all the following night. By the next morning forty-eight bodies had been taken out of the river, but there were still twenty missing. Many of the men had fallen with the bridge and were held down under the debris. Early on the morning of the second day a closed carriage was driven slowly along the river bank and stopped a little below the works where the river boiled and churned about the great iron carcass which lay in a straight line two-thirds across it. The carriage stood there hour after hour, and words soon spread among the crowds on the shore that its occupant was the wife of the chief engineer. His body had not yet been found. The widows of the lost workmen moving up and down the bank with shawls over their heads, some of them carrying babies, looked at the rusty hired hack many times that morning. They drew near it and walked about it, but none of them ventured to peer within. Even half indifferent sightseers dropped their voices as they told a newcomer, you see that carriage over there? That's Mrs. Alexander. They haven't found him yet. She got off the train this morning, Horton met her. She heard it in Boston yesterday. Heard the newsboys crying it in the street. At noon Philip Horton made his way through the crowd with a tray and a tin coffee pot from the camp kitchen. When he reached the carriage he found Mrs. Alexander just as he had left her in the early morning, leaning forward a little, with her hand on the lowered window looking at the river. Hour after hour she had been watching the water, the lonely, useless stone towers, and the convulsed mass of iron wreckage over which the angry river continually spat up its yellow foam. Those poor women out there, do they blame him very much? She asked, as she handed the coffee-cup back to Horton. Nobody blames him, Mrs. Alexander. If anyone is to blame, I'm afraid it's I. I should have stopped work before he came. He said so as soon as I met him. I tried to get him here a day earlier, but my telegram missed him somehow. He didn't have time really to explain to me. If he'd got here on Monday he'd have had all the men off at once, but you see, Mrs. Alexander, such a thing never happened before. According to all human calculations it simply couldn't happen. Horton leaned wearily against the front wheel of the cab. He had not had his clothes off for thirty hours, and the stimulus of violent excitement was beginning to wear off. Don't be afraid to tell me the worst, Mr. Horton. Don't leave me to the dread of finding out things that people may be saying. If he is blamed, if he needs anyone to speak for him, for the first time her voice broke, and a flush of life, tearful, painful, and confused, swept over her rigid pallor. If he needs anyone, tell me, show me what to do. She began to sob, and Horton hurried away. He came back at four o'clock in the afternoon. He was carrying his hat in his hand, and Winifred knew as soon as she saw him that they had found Bartley. She opened the carriage door before he reached her, and stepped to the ground. Horton put out his hand as if to hold her back, and spoke pleadingly. Won't you drive up to my house, Mrs. Alexander? They will take him up there. Take me to him now, please. I shall not make any trouble. The group of men down under the riverbank fell back when they saw a woman coming, and one of them threw a tarpaulin over the stretcher. They took off their hats and caps, as Winifred approached, and although she had pulled her veil down over her face, they did not look up at her. She was taller than Horton, and some of the men thought she was the tallest woman they had ever seen, as tall as himself someone whispered. Horton motioned to the men, and six of them lifted the stretcher, and began to carry it up the embankment. Winifred followed them the half-mile to Horton's house. She walked quietly, without once breaking down or stumbling. When the bearers put the stretcher down in Horton's spare bedroom, she thanked them, and gave her hand to each in turn. The men went out of the house, and threw the yard with their caps in their hands. They were too much confused to say anything as they went down the hill. Horton himself was almost as deeply perplexed. "'Mamey,' he said to his wife, when he came out of the spare room half an hour later. "'Will you take Mrs. Alexander the things she needs? She is going to do everything herself. Just stay about where you can hear her, and go in if she wants you.' Everything happened as Alexander had foreseen in that moment of pressions under the river. With her own hands she washed him clean of every mark of disaster. All night he was alone with her in the still house, his great head lying deep in the pillow. In the pocket of his coat Winifred found the letter that he had written her the night before he left New York, water-soaked and illegible, but because of its length she knew it had been meant for her. For Alexander death was an easy creditor. Fortune, which had smiled upon him consistently all his life, did not desert him in the end. His harshest critics did not doubt that, had he lived, he would have retrieved himself. Even Lucius Wilson did not see in this accident the disaster he had once foretold. When a great man dies in his prime there is no surgeon who can say whether he did well, whether or not the future was his as it seemed to be. The minds that society had come to regard as a powerful and trustworthy machine dedicated to its service may for a long time have been sick within itself and bent upon its own destruction. Epilogue Professor Wilson had been living in London for six years and he was just back from a visit to America. One afternoon, soon after his return, he put on his frot coat and drove in a handsome to pay a call upon Hilda Burgoyne, who still lived at her old number off Bedford Square. He and Miss Burgoyne had been fast friends for a long time. He had first noticed her about the corridors of the British Museum where he read constantly. Her being there so often had made him feel that he would like to know her and as she was not an inaccessible person an introduction was not very difficult. The preliminaries once over they came to depend a great deal upon each other and Wilson, after his days reading, often went round to Bedford Square for his tea. They had much more in common than their memories of a common friend. Indeed, they seldom spoke of him. They saved that for the deep moments which do not come often and then their talk of him was mostly silence. Wilson knew that Hilda had loved him. More than this he had not tried to know. It was late when Wilson reached Hilda's apartment on this particular December afternoon and he found her alone. She sent for fresh tea and made him comfortable as she had a knack of making people comfortable. What good you were to come back before Christmas! I quite dreaded the holidays without you. You've helped me over a good many Christmases!" She smiled at him gaily. As if you needed me for that! But at any rate I needed you! How well you are looking, my dear, and how rested! He peered up at her from his low chair, balancing the tips of his long fingers together in a judicial manner which had grown on him with years. Hilda laughed as she carefully poured out his cream. That means I was looking very seedy at the end of the season, doesn't it? Well, we must show where at last, you know. Wilson took the cup gratefully. No need to remind a man of Seventy, who has just been home to find that he has survived all his contemporaries. I was most gently treated as a sort of precious relic, but do you know it made me feel awkward to be hanging about still. Seventy? Never mention it to me. Hilda looked appreciatively at the professor's alert face, with so many kindly lines about the mouth and so many quizzical ones about the eyes. You've got to hang about for me, you know. I can't even let you go home again. You must stay. Now that I have you back, you're the realest thing I have. Wilson chuckled. Dear me, am I, out of so many conquests and the spoils of conquered cities, you really miss me? Well then, I shall hang, even if you have at last to put me in the mummy-room with the others. You'll visit me often, won't you? Every day in the calendar, here, your cigarettes are in this drawer where you left them. She struck a match and lit one for him. But you did, after all, enjoy being at home again? Oh, yes. I found the long railway journeys trying. People live a thousand miles apart, but I did it thoroughly. I was all over the place. It was in Boston I lingered longest. Ah, you saw Mrs. Alexander? Often, I dined with her, and had tea there a dozen different times, I should think. Indeed, it was to see her that I lingered on and on. I found that I still loved to go to the house. It always seemed as if Bartley were there, somehow, and that, at any moment, one might hear his heavy tramp on the stairs. Do you know, I kept feeling that he must be up in his study. The professor looked reflectively into the grate. I should really have liked to go up there. That was where I had my last long talk with him. But Mrs. Alexander never suggested it. Why? Wilson was a little startled by her tone, and he turned his head so quickly that his cuff link caught the string of his eyeglasses and pulled them awry. Why? What? Dear me, I don't know. She probably never thought of it. Hilda bit her lip. I don't know what made me say that. I didn't mean to interrupt. Go on, please, and tell me how it was. Well, it was like that. Almost as if he were there. In a way, he really is there. She never lets him go. It's the most beautiful and dignified sorrow I've ever known. It's so beautiful that it has its compensations, I should think. Its very completeness is a compensation. It gives her a fixed star to steer by. She doesn't drift. We sat there evening after evening, in the quiet of that magically haunted room, and felt the sunset burn on the river and felt him, felt him with a difference, of course. Hilda leaned forward, her elbow on her knee, her chin on her hand. With a difference? Because of her, you mean? Wilson's brow wrinkled. Something like that, yes. Of course, as time goes on, to her he becomes more and more their simple personal relation. Hilda studied the droop of the professor's head intently. You didn't altogether like that? You felt it wasn't wholly fair to him? Wilson shook himself and readjusted his glasses. Oh, fair enough, more than fair. Of course, I always felt that my image of him was just a little different from hers. No relation is so complete that it can hold absolutely all of a person. And I liked him just as he was, his deviations too, the places where he didn't square. Hilda considered vaguely. Has she grown much older? She asked at last. Yes and no. In a tragic way, she is even handsomer, but colder, cold for everything but him, forget thyself to marble, I kept thinking of that. Her happiness was a happiness adieu, not apart from the world, but actually against it. And now her grief is like that. She saves herself for it and doesn't even go through the form of seeing people much. I'm sorry, it would be better for her and might be so good for them if she could let other people in. Perhaps she's afraid of letting him out a little of sharing him with somebody. Wilson put down his cup and looked up with vague alarm. Dear me, it takes a woman to think of that now. I don't, you know, think we ought to be hard on her. More even than the rest of us. She didn't choose her destiny. She underwent it. And it has left her chilled. As to her not wishing to take the world into her confidence? Well, it is a pretty brutal and stupid world, after all, you know. Hilda leaned forward. Yes, I know, I know. Only I can't help being glad that there was something for him, even in stupid and vulgar people. My little Marie worshiped him. When she is dusting, I always know when she has come to his picture. Wilson nodded. Oh yes, he left an echo. The ripples go on in all of us. He belonged to the people who make the play and most of us are only onlookers at the best. We shouldn't wonder too much at Mrs. Alexander. She must feel how useless it would be to go about that she may as well sit still, that nothing can happen to her after Bartley. Yes, said Hilda softly, nothing can happen to one after Bartley. They both sat looking into the fire. End of chapter 10 in Epilogue and End of Alexander's Bridge by Willa Cybert Cather. Recorded in Los Angeles, California, December 2008.