 Hey, hey, Tony Gaskins here. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of talks with Tony Got a question come in today from a young lady and it says hi Tony I always listen to your videos and they helped me so much. Thank you for that You're welcome. I have a question in which I already know the answer But I always enjoy getting the confirmation to remind myself that I need to buy him the famous track shoes I see you listen to or read the Instagram story Q&A so I was dating this guy for almost a year We've known each other for 16 years and recently he left me to go back with his ex-wife When I was with him. He was separated, but not legally divorced We dated for almost a year Then one day he freaked out and told me he couldn't be with me anymore because he had started to go to church and became a born-again Christian and Felt guilty that he was with me while he was technically still married at first I got mad and we had a huge fight only because he had said so many things to me that I now Realized were all lies Anyhow, he left me and five weeks later came back looking for me I accepted him back and we spoke and got back together after that break up He would flip out once a month with the same excuse about his religion and leave me He did this five times in five months Did this five times in five months I of course like an idiot kept taking him back last time he did it to me was in September and I flipped out Once again and went to his house to form a scene because I was so mad When he came out of his house his ex-wife came right behind me I Freaked out because I had no idea he went back to her. He told me then and There to leave him alone and that he never wanted to see me again. I was shocked and devastated I got in my car blocked his number and never spoke to him since then Sometimes I see him pass by my job and drive by and I think why would he be driving by here? If he went back to his ex-wife and claims to be such a Christian, why does he trigger me? Is it to get a reaction from me? Please give me your opinion. Thank you Hey, thank you so much for writing in now This is you know a deep little situation. I'm the last part made me curious I'm like wow you sitting at work just looking out the window, you know just watching cars pass by and you just know his car that well and And you assume he's driving by your job to trigger you And why does it get a reaction from you? Technically and truthfully you did play the fool you did play the fool you played a major fool a Absolute major 100% fool and I believe the Oscars just happened and I don't believe the fool won any awards So I want you to remember this and I want everybody on the sound of my voice to remember this the fool does not win Awards it is not good pay and There is no award for it. So moving forward in your life never play the fool again and Were you stupid? Yes, you were and We have to start calling it what it is Stupid is that stupid does like Forrest Gump said and we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror Some days I got looking myself in the mirror and I got to say Tony That was real stupid. That was really stupid. That was a stupid decision And you got to tell yourself that and you got to be honest with yourself It's not beating up on yourself is being real with yourself because if you give yourself to too many passes You'll keep doing the same thing over and over now. He triggers you because You're mad at yourself You ain't really mad at him because You allowed it He wasn't forcing himself in your life. He didn't force you to have sex with him He didn't force you to date him. You allowed it. So he triggers you because you're mad with you You're upset with yourself and you're taking it out on him And the other thing what you have to realize and it's the lesson for everybody is Never date someone who is not legally divorced Because if a person was married they already got a soul tie So they already have a soul tie It's even much worse if they're not all the way divorced So in that situation any time a man dates a woman and He's legally married. You are a rebound You are rebound and he's on my old. I went to church and became born again. Crypt If that ain't the biggest lie In the world I Went in the church and became a born again Christian. I can't be with you But then come back to you five weeks later and then come back to you every month and And every month he's sleeping with you because if y'all weren't you would have made that point You would have said we don't have sex and if you weren't having sex He wouldn't have been dealing with you anyway So I know y'all haven't said so he's sleeping with his ex what he's sleeping with his wife He ain't his ex-wife because they weren't legally divorced sleeping with his wife and he's sleeping with you Both of y'all giving both of y'all dirty D Giving both of y'all dirty D one right after the other Sometimes in the same day Sometimes in the same day both of y'all got the same dirty D in you and I need you to understand that I need you to process that I need you to sit down and I need you to really visualize dirty D in his ex-wife and then coming out no shower in you Process that Process it visualize it look at it get it in your spirit and then understand Understand now all the red flags now look at all the red flags that you saw that you ignored Get it all the way in you because tomorrow you made me the man just like him But he just packaged a little different he packaged a little different He says things a little different, but really same situation same type of scenario same type of thing gonna go down So if you have not processed this The good bad and the ugly which really want no good in here It was just bad and ugly if you have not processed the bad and the ugly you're gonna do the same thing over again So you got to get it all the way in your spirit because guess what you cut them off Since y'all stop talking, which I think you said was around September, but you know Y'all still Y'all stick he still could come back He still could come back and you could be dealing with him In three weeks from now So you got to think about this and you got to make sure that you have truly made a decision And here's the lesson from this overall When you meet somebody and they tell you their relationship resume, you really got to read it You really got to pay attention to it You really or if you know that relationship resume office stuff that you could find out on your own and you see all these Terminations on they only resume You know you you see this bad record You got to take note of that and you got to do something about it so I want you to think about this and Make sure that you say that you make a rule. I will never again Date somebody who's legally married because that's always gonna be a mess That's always gonna be a mess sometimes women do it too. Sometimes women legally married and go and date somebody Even though the woman may not consider the man a rebound a man is a rebound Point blank period. You can't get around it. The man is a rebound So y'all have to make sure when you date somebody that they 100% Single and that you are 100% Single ready and willing to date and to build something With some intention and with some purpose and then you have to watch In in my book make it work if you do not have make it work Make sure you go get make it work. It's on Amazon Barnes & Noble Target Walmart, wherever you you get books from you can get make it work Just type in Tony gas and make it work in there. I have a chapter that says Believe what they consistently show you You have to after the second month that he threw up his Christianity and Why he has to leave you? after the second month Month three four and five would not have happened See I give you grace That there be a fool one time So you come back and you get played a second time You need to be slapped from from that day forward them all the mother times you need to be slapped You know no baby powder. No baby powder front hand back hand Just like this here Because that right there completely ignorant. That's completely ignorant and you have to realize that And see this what I see a lady wrote me. She said Tony. Why do women struggle so bad to love ourselves? Y'all don't use your brain You got to use your brain and you've got to listen to your intuition You've got to listen to your first mind what we call it the first mind. I said list of my first mind I don't know what the first mind is, but that's what we call it Listen to your first mind, which is really your intuition. It's your conscience. That's telling you This is stupid This is dumb This is ignorant. This is beneath me. I'm smarter than this. I'm better than this. I deserve better. I deserve more Listen to that Listen to that and stop playing the fool stop being a fool It doesn't pay well and it's an over war for it. Hey, there's Tony Gasson um You know, I hate to be that real and that raw with you But I just I just don't have the time to be pulling punches and to just Lie to you and the baby sit you and to pacify you We got to get the real truth Same way. I talked to you same way. I talked to myself We got to be real with ourselves in order to make changes So to everybody listening watching wherever you getting this from start playing the fool Look at your life Look at the red flags And ask yourself Am I playing the fool? Am I being a fool right now? If the answer is yes Get your stuff together move forward with your life Hey, this Tony Gasson. Thank you so much. Hey, make sure you Subscribe to the podcast or to the youtube hit the subscribe button So you are notified when I release something new If you're on youtube check the links in the description just in case there's something for you Hey, we'll talk soon