 You're about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business. For the next hour and 30 minutes this program will present in person such bright stars as Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffa, Judy Halliday, Gypsy Rosely, Born Monroe, Patrice Munsell, Meredith Wilson, and my name is Tallulah Bankhead. The National Broadcasting Company presents the big show. The Mink Show, 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world, brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All-Star Festival. And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead. Well darlings, I feel simply magnificent today. Guess what? A divine thing has happened. Some man has fallen mad in love with me. Well, on Monday he sent me a stunning red rose. On Tuesday he sent me two roses and on Wednesday he sent me three roses. And on Thursday he sent me four. Forget me now. You thought I was bottled up there, didn't you darlings? I think I've lost my place. Now wait, oh here I am. Well, I simply adored anonymous admirers. I mean, I simply adored them. Yes, because I never have to get to meet them. Maybe that's why they admire us. Oh, now that doesn't sound right, does it? And I just can't accept gifts from someone I don't know. Well, I had some friends over the other night and they advised me to return the flowers. So I returned Monday's rose and choose his two roses and Wednesday's three roses. Well darlings, I could return Thursday's flowers. My friends drank them. We did not drink them. Oh Gypsy darling, Gypsy Rosalie. Yes, well being on the show, you Tallulah, even if it's just to see you again, it's been so long since we've seen each other, hasn't it? Well yes, it has, Gypsy. Let me look at you. Oh darling, since the last time I saw you, you certainly have put on clothes. Please Tallulah, I wish you wouldn't talk about that. Oh well, everybody knows you're famous for taking off clothes. Yes, and everybody knows you're famous for taking off birthdays. Well, here we go again, boys. Why is it that every woman who visits on the big show feels she must fight with me? They all come on wearing gloves. Oh, I'm sorry Tallulah, I can take my gloves off. And that's all, darling, this is radio. I know Tallulah. I happen to be in mistress' ceremonies on my own radio show just as you are here. I think we should be friends. We have a lot in common. Oh, you're quite right, Gypsy. Here we are, two women MCs. Now I know what MC stands for, man's conquerors. Oh, by the way, darling, what kind of show do you do? It's a quiz show. Oh yes, of course, take it off or leave it. Not quite, darling, it's called What Makes You Tick, and you might do worse than to listen to it, Tallulah. It's rather an adult show. I have to buy a new dress, a new gown, a new dress every week to go to the classy atmosphere. Gypsy, my sweet, my pet, with all due respect to your show, which is after all only half an hour, my show is three half hours, and I need three gowns every week. Yes, but you have to wear all three at the same time, darling. Isn't she sweet? Gypsy is the only woman in the world who can say she has nothing to wear and wear it. Tallulah, I just bought this nothing I'm wearing and it cost five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars? I have prices have gone up. Well, I just bought this gown, it was reduced to seven hundred and fifty dollars. Very nice, Tallulah, it's lovely. I hope you won't think I'm prying, but what size do you take? Size twelve. Oh, the size was reduced too. Oh, now Gypsy, darling, here we are, two intelligent women standing around quibbling about clothes. Do you know that men always say women have nothing to talk about but clothes? And they're so silly, aren't they, Gypsy? Oh, of course. Well, we have so many things we can talk about. Certainly. There's no reason for grown-up women to confine themselves to bickering about clothes. Of course not. We could talk about... Well, what were you saying about my dress, darling? Not Tallulah's stuff. We were both in the theater together. We could discuss that. Oh, Gypsy, I wouldn't ever for one moment underestimate your huge contribution to the theater, but after all, darling, I am a famous dramatic actress. I know how to project. Me too, honey. I know how to underplay. Me too, honey. I know how to bear my soul. I pass. You know, Gypsy, the legitimate theater is a stern taskmaster. It can be pretty rough, darling. Well, my branch of the theater was quite rugged too. Yes, I hear it's one long grind. But the fascinating thing about me, Gypsy, is in all my years in the theater, not once did I ever forget my lines. In all my years in the theater, not once did the audience ever forget mine. I played before practically every man and woman in the world. Well, I must admit, honey, I only had half your audience. Well, I can make an audience cheer just by you know, well, by twitching an eyebrow. I pass. Gypsies, you can't keep on passing, darling. You've got a call or raise. I'll call, honey. How long have you been in the theater? I pass. Ladies and gentlemen, Meredith Wilson and the Big Show Orchestra and Chorus play their arrangement of if you feel like singing, singing. Gypsy, darling, why don't you sit down? I know it's such a temptation to walk back and forth across the stage while the music is playing. Go spend an hour under the shower. Darling, meet Meredith Wilson. Hello, Miss Banker. Hello, Meredith. Have you met Gypsy Rosalie? Gee whiz. Gypsy, this is our brilliant musical conductor, Meredith Wilson. Hello, Meredith. Gee whiz. The Gypsies are famous entertainer. Gee string. Say, I'll tell you a very funny story about that. Meredith, please. I didn't know you knew about Gypsy's talents. Oh, sure. I read, you know. Darling, how cunning. Oh, sure. I've read all of Miss Lee's books. I consider her one of the finest writers in the world, living or dead. I can see this kid knows all about me. Ever since your first book, Miss Lee, the Gee String Murders, I've been an avid reader of your works. How avid, avid can you get? But the story of how I came to buy your first book is a doozy. Glad you asked me. Well, here we go, darling. Well, sir, Miss Bankhead, I was in Omaha, Nebraska at the time. I want to say Omaha, or was it Pierre, North Dakota? Well, it could have been Pierre, or was it Omaha? I thought it was Pierre. No, it wasn't Pierre. It was Omaha. Lucky Pierre. Yes. Well, I was playing a date there with a band and we had a break for a couple hours. It was just about the time your book came out, Miss Lee. And I went by a place which had your picture out in front of it. So I figured it was the library and I went in to read your book. Well, sir, they sure have funny libraries in Omaha. I laugh every time I think of it. Yes, I do too. Don't you, Gypsy? I pass. Well, the strangest thing is I guess the women don't read much in Omaha. The place was filled with men and the librarians. That's the first time I've ever seen singing librarians. Boy, that was the liveliest library you ever saw. And there is, darling, get on with the story about Gypsy Rose Lee, strip it down to its barest essentials. Well, sir, I would have liked to have browsed around a little, but they didn't have a copy of the book. So I left and got it someplace else. I laugh, but what's the point? Gypsy, you optimist. Well, sir, Miss Lee, I told the boys in the band about it. And ever since that time, whenever we stop in Omaha, the same thing happens. For a bunch of fellas that don't read, the boys in my band sure spend a lot of time in the library in Omaha, Nebraska. Oh, brother. We are happy now to welcome to the big show a brilliant young comedian from Hollywood, the glamorous and talented Columbia Picture Star, Miss Julie Holliday. The Judy Holliday's most recent, most hilarious triumph is in Columbia Pictures' brand new smash hit, the screening of Garson Canaan's Broadway success, Born Yesterday. We present Miss Holliday now in a scene from that picture starring Judy Holliday in Born Yesterday. Born Yesterday is the story of a junk tycoon called Harry Brock, who has more junk yards, more money, more connections than grammar, or struples. It is a story of his beautiful gal, Billy Dawn, who has more mink coats, more angles, more curves and book learning. It is the story of Paul Verrill, a young Washington newspaper man who is hired by Brock to wise Billy up to the waves of Washington's sighting. The scene is Brock's Washington hotel suite where Brock Billy and Brock's lawyer are playing host to a certain unscrupulous congressman and his wife. The social amenities are about to get a real going over. As congressman, you ought to remember this little lady, a great first nighter like you. She used to be Billy Dawn. I adore. And this is Mrs. Hedges, Billy. Glad to meet you. Glad to meet you. I guess we can leave the girls together, congressman, while we see about the drinks. Well, and how do you like Washington, Mrs. Brock? Mrs. I haven't seen Washington yet. Oh, you mean to say this is the very first time you've been here? That's what I mean. I never went on the road. Well, I'm sure you'll find it a very interesting city. Too bad the Supreme Court isn't in session. You'd love that. Yeah. What is it? Well, bro. And I suppose this is congressman Hedges' wife, a Mrs. Hedges? That's right. I certainly am happy to make your acquaintance. Thank you so much. Did you have a good trip down? Oh, sure. I come in my car. I came. How to step off and boil them on the way? I've got a yard there, a junkyard. The second yard I picked up. Before that, I only had one. How many do you have now? I couldn't answer that one, baby. Oh, excuse me. That's all right. I don't know why I like the little boil them or outfit. I just always get kind of a feeling from it. You know what I mean? Sentimental. That said, I'm sentimental, like you say. I think we're all a bit sentimental. Yeah. Well, it's a free country. Do you play bridge, Mrs. Brahe? No, only gin. I beg your pardon. Gin, run me. Excuse me. The congressman wants to know how you're fixed for time tomorrow. Good morning, Harry. 10 o'clock, all right? That's pretty early for me. I'll stay. All right, sir. 11? OK. Well, I'm sorry you folks have to run. Do I wash your hands or anything, honey? No, thank you very much. Well, good night. Thanks for everything. Good night. Good night. Oh, brother, did you ever put your foot in it? What did I do? Nothing, nothing. Oh, brother, something's going to have to be done about you. They're drips. Huh? Who are you to say? Well, shut up. Nobody asked you. All right, get lost. Not yet. Get lost, I told you. Hey, Deverey, get that newspaper guy Ferrell on the phone. Tell him I want to see him here right away. I've got an idea. You sure you ain't already, Ferrell? How about a schooldle or something? No thanks. Have a drink? No thanks. Well, OK, pal. Want to ask you something? Sure. How much you make a week? To quote you, how should I know? What am I, an accountant? I love this guy. What's your name again? Ferrell. No, no, no. I mean your regular name. Paul. Now listen, Paul, here's a layout. I got a friend. Nice kid. I think you've probably seen her in here before. Billy? Oh, yes. Well, she's a good kid, only to tell you the truth a little on the stupid side. It's not her fault, you understand? I got her out of the chorus. But the chorus, she was smart enough. But I'm scared she's going to be unhappy this time, you see? She's never been around with such kind of people. Know what I mean? No. Well, I figure a guy like you could help her out. And me, too. How? Show her the ropes, sort of. Explain to her what goes on or like that here in Washington. In your spare time. What do you say? No, I don't think I could handle it, Mr. Brock. Means a lot to me. Give it 200 bucks a week. Well, all right. I'll do it. When do I start? Right now. Why not right now? Fine. Come on, will be, kid. Let me introduce you. You take it from there. Good. Billy! Come on down here a minute. She's a real good kid. You like it? I was getting dressed. It's all right. It's all right. He's a friend of family. Come on in, I'm telling you. OK. Honey, this is Paul Ferrell. Yes, I know. He wants to talk to you. What about? You'll find out. Sit down. Well, I got a little work to do, so I'll have to be leaving you two now. Get together. I'll be seeing you. Your friend, Mr. Brock, has an idea. He'd like us to spend a little time together. You and me, that is. You don't say. Yes. Will you use some kind of jiggaloo? No, not exactly. What's the idea? Nothing special. He just wants me to put you wise to a few things, show you the ropes, answer any questions. I got no questions. Well, I'll give you some. Thanks. Might be fun for you in a way. There's a lot to see down here in Washington. I'll be glad to show you around. You know the Supreme Court? Yes. I'd like to take that in. I'm sure. We're on then. How do you mean? The arrangement. I don't mind. Got nothing much to do. Good. What's he paying you? $200. You suck if you could have got more. He's got plenty. As a matter of fact, I'd have done it for free. I would. Why? Well, this isn't work. I like it. He thinks I'm too stupid, huh? I know. He's right. I'm stupid and I like it. You do. Sure. I want two main coats, everything. As long as you know what you want. As long as you know what you want. You trying to mix me up? Don't think so. What do I have to do? Well, I might give you a few books to start with. And then if you don't mind, I'll correct you now, then. Go ahead. When I know that is, I don't talk so good myself. You do. Fine. I never say ain't. Did you notice that? Never. I do. Well, I'll correct you, then. I never say it. We had this teacher shoot a slug if you did it. Did what? Sitting. That I get out of the habit. You think it was worth the slugging? Oh, not hard. It's the principle of the thing. There's too much slugging. I don't believe in it. I don't believe in it either. Good. I learned pretty fast, though, then. You're great, Ms. Dawn. Billy. Billy. Sort of an odd name, isn't it? Well, you're talking half the kids I know named it. Anyway, it isn't my real name. Oh, what is? Holy smoke. Emma. Oh, what's the matter? Well, do I look to you like an Emma? You don't look like a Billy either. So what do I look like? To me? Yeah, to you. You look like a delightful girl. Let me ask you. Would you be interested in a little act? What do you do about them? Stick around. You talk to me. I like it. Like that delightful girl line. Well, I better get along. This is going to be a little different than I thought. I'll run my place for some books. If there's anything interesting, I'll drop it by later. All right. You can drop it by even if it's not so interesting. Here, Mr. Brock. Good night. And don't forget them books. Oh, there you are. Well, you two going to get together? I think we're all set. Very great. Appreciate it. So do I. Well, I guess I'll be going. So long, kid. So long, Billy. So long. Acquisition, Judy, darling. Divine. Now, one of you was selected by the AP Correspondents poll as the best actress of the year. Come over here and let's chat. What about? Why, darling, whenever an actress comes on the show, we always have a talk. Why? Well, people expected. This is the big show. Now, when are you here for an hour and a half? Now, if you didn't talk so much, you could be home in a half hour like everybody else. Well, do you understand, darling? We want to talk about you. By imagining Garkane had you in mind when he wrote the part of Billy Darling born yesterday, you're so perfect in the part, that voice. Oh, that's all an act. That's my stage voice. This is my real voice. Yes, of course, yes. It's just like you. On the stage, you're one person. In the movies, you're another person. Don't you dare mention her name on this program. The wrong name, darling, but the right initials. Oh, I feel fine, usually. I suppose I've become a little overawed at times. The show's a very big responsibility. Rehearsals, writing, direction, production, acting. I pour everything into this program. I devote all my time to the show. You're single, huh? Single? I'm unattached, if that's what you mean. You should be attached. Nobody else. My dear girl, I am probably the most sought-after woman in the world. I can have my pick of the most eligible men. Englishmen, Frenchmen, Italians, Counts, Duke's, Earl's. They fought for me, whined with dynamite, toasted me in every city in the world. Nobody asked you, huh? I've had men chasing me for years. You should have let some of them catch up with you now. Obviously, my dear, someone caught up with you. I let them. Darn it, these fools. Darling, they call me the glamorous and unpredictable to do the bank-head. What's unpredictable? And I thought I had trouble with Meredith Wilson. Unpredictable, that's because people never know what I'm liable to do or say. I do and say whatever I feel like at all times. So why do they say unpredictable when they mean crazy? This is one holiday that I should never have observed. On second thought, it should be under observation. Look, Julie, darling, I have traded a bau-mose with some of the greatest names in show business, but never have I been insulted so painlessly, so effortlessly, so deeply. To thank a new young actress coming along to belittle me in front of millions of people. The gay mommy, the humiliation of it. If you get married, you wouldn't be so nervous. Darling, I was just acting. The practices are so good. What? In addition, on television. Don't you dare mention that medium on this program. Oh, Tallulah, I was just thinking. Oh, excuse me, I didn't realize you were talking to someone. Oh, Jeff, this is Julie Holliday. How do you do? I'm pleased to meet you. Hey, I remember you. You're the one who did the dance with the fans. Don't you dare mention that name on this program. You have been listening to Meredith Wilson and the big show Oxen Chorus. We'll be back in a moment as soon as I ring my chime. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company. The Big Show. This is the national broadcasting company, Sunday Xtravaganza, with the most scintillating personalities in show business. The Big Show, the Sunday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival, is brought to you by the makers of Tannison, for fast relief from pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. The big stars in this program are Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffa, Julie Holliday, Gypsy Rose Lee, Vaughn Monroe, Patrice Montsell, Meredith Wilson, and his big show, Orchestra and Chorus. And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, the Lula Bankhead. Here we are with the Big Show. And this is our 12th week. And I'm just beginning to learn what a curious affair this radio business is. Now, you see, darlings, in the theater, there's a personal touch. Well, they can get at you. In radio, I found that I don't always know what the people think of me, or of the show. So, for last week, I spoke to a friend of mine, and he volunteered to take a poll of listeners, a foamy. Well, I figured I might as well. I'm not doing anything anyway. Fred Allen! Well, hello to Lula. I'm sorry I'm late. I had a pocket full of nickels, and I tried to get over here by subway, but they've raised it to a dime, you know. A dime to go down in that commuter's gopher hole. Can I try to call you? I tried to call... I tried to... I'm just laughing at some punctuation in there. I tried to call you from a pay phone, and they've raised that to a dime, too. On the jukeboxes, I hear you calling me is now a dime, I find. You know, I think that the government decided it's time to put the buffalo out to pasture in back of the min. You mean nickels are going out of style, Fred? Well, the nickels seems to be semi-obsolete to Lula. I went into a bakery the other day, and I found that they have changed the name of that bread to Pumper Dine. It seems they take a pumper nickel and slice it in two thin pieces, and that sort of makes... I think, you know, I think that nickels... Oh, yes, I see exactly what you mean, Dine, but I'd love to talk about this at length, but some time ago I converted all my nickels to Confederate money. Well, what about this pole you were taking for me, darling? How did you know whom to ask? Well, to Lula, I had sort of a master plan for a radio pole. I called it the snooper. I would look snooping down the street, I would look down the street and only go into the houses with no aerials on the roofs, you see. And that was quite crafty, Fred. Well, it worked out well for a while until I discovered that half of the houses with aerials didn't have television sets. These people had the aerials on their roofs so the neighbors would think they had television sets. But what were some of the reactions, Fred? Well, there was a young lady in Flushing, Long Island, who had a very interesting point of view. I'm not... Excuse me, madam, I am conducting a survey to discover listener's reaction to Tallulah Bankhead. Look how funny he talks. Well, this... That wasn't my real voice. That was my stage voice. This is my real voice. You know, I would just like to ask you one question, Miss, if I may. Oh, no, I'm not answering no questions. No? Three years ago I answered a question. I got myself a slob who's been sleeping in the maffy but ever since. Please, Mrs. Murphy. You promised me the world on a silver platter. A glass chandelier with marble stairs and gold faucets. So where do we... Flushing. Miss, I hate to get that train of thought off of your one-track mind. But what do you think of Tallulah Bankhead? Oh, well, I'll tell you. I have a very definite opinion about it. Well, that's very interesting, Fred, but what does he say about me? Well, this is radio, Tallulah. I don't dare mention those names on this program. Well, Fred, who else did you talk to? Well, I met a rather interesting specimen of womanhood in Kew Gardens. She was a Miss Lee and she lived in a rather bare little house. I stepped gingerly over the gypsy tea roses in her garden. Hello. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I was just inside taking off my apron. Oh. Excuse me, my name is Fred Allen and I'm conducting a little poll. Fred Allen? Yes. Are you the Fred Allen who used to be on the radio opposite stop the music? Well, that is rather a clever way of putting it, Miss. And the answer is yes. There's something I want to ask you, Mr. Ballard. I do a radio show called What Makes You Tick? It's a quiz show too and I'd like to increase my rating. Would you mind doing your radio show opposite mine? I believe it. But I'm here to ask you about, I'm here to ask you about Tallulah Bank here. Oh, that's a better idea. Maybe she'd like to do her show opposite mine. You see, I thought that if we could just... Oh, I would just love to take that girl apart and see what makes her tick. Well, Fred, it looks like I didn't do too well in your survey. Well, Tallulah, I have been off radio for several years and I didn't make out too well either. But there was one charming little housefrow in Jackson Heights, who certainly deserves mention here. She came to the door in answer to my ring. May I introduce myself? My name is Fred Allen. Oh, Mr. Allen. Oh. That's pretty tricky, Miss. You open the door and the neighbors applaud. It's really something. All the houses on radio programs have built-in applause, I've noticed, something. Well, I'm conducting a little survey. Now, frankly, what do you think of Tallulah Bankhead? Well, I don't care what anybody says, I like her. Incidents that you should ask me because I happen to be the president of the Jackson Heights Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club. The Tallulah Bankhead Fan Club? Forever. Well, that's Tallulah. Tell me, what are the requirements of the members of the Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club? Well, we all fly Confederate flags in our cellars. Confederate flags in the cellars, yeah? And our password is a rebel yell. Well, a shrill tribute to your idol, hey? Good girls, I know I quote her if she knew about this. At the last meeting of the Jackson Heights Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club in Manhasset, we decided that- Oh, wait a minute, excuse me, miss. The curiosity and a tight script. Prompt, I never will know what that means. Prompt me to ask, the Jackson Heights Fan Club meets in Manhasset, you- Only when we're not meeting in forest hills. Oh, I see, I see. Well, you excuse my asking, but you have piqued my curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, but my curiosity has a peak. My curiosity is a little different. Tell me, why doesn't the Jackson Heights Fan Club meet in Jackson Heights? Because all the girls come from Brooklyn, except one, and she comes all the way from Flushing. Well, Fred, darling, I don't mean to question your integrity, but this whole thing is utterly ridiculous. Really? I don't believe a word of it, and I refuse to be guided by it. I don't think any of those people are representative of my radio audience. Well, I can sample a few more. No, no, absolutely not. I won't have it. Abandon the entire project immediately. Stop the survey! Please, please, Tallulah, watch your language. You mean my survey service to you is at an end? Yes. You want me to turn in my laugh meter and my iron foot with the chromium shin that I put between doors so people can't close them when I call? You want me to turn in my gear and return to my rocking chair in the unemployment office? That's right, Fred. Well, this is nothing new to me, Tallulah. This is the second time a radio survey has put me out of business. No matter what you now take for headache relief, we urge you to try anisin for the incredibly fast relief these tablets bring the next time you're suffering from a headache. Now, the reason anisin is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anisin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, anisin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing anisin tablets from their own dentist or physician, and in this way, discovered the incredibly fast relief anisin brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. So the next time a headache strikes, take anisin for this wonderfully fast relief. Anisin, A-N-A-C-I-N. Anisin at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100. Well, I don't know what I would do without Fred Allen and the members of the Jackson Heights Forever Tallulah Bankhead Fan Club. Or is it the Jackson Heights Tallulah Forever Bankhead Fan Club? Well, whatever it is, it leads, darlings, to a very happy moment for me. With us today is a great young talent of the Metropolitan Opera Company who received rave, rave notices recently for her acting and singing performance in Defleather Mouse. Anyone who cares to conjure an amenable organization I'm forming called the Metropolitan Patrice Munsell Forever Fan Club. And here is Ms. Munsell to sing the laughing song from Defleather Mouse. Patrice Munsell, come over here, darling. I want to talk to you. I understand they're doing some exciting new things over the Metropolitan Opera. Well, that's right, Tallulah. To get people more interested in opera, they're trying to make opera more like the Broadway musical theater. You mean they're selling orange juice there now, too? Well, they haven't gone that far. No, but I've heard, darling, that they're starting to use Broadway actors at the Met. Well, of course, that might open a whole new life for me. Darling, I'm talking about the Metropolitan Opera, not the Metropolitan Life. Just a minute, Caprice. You know, of course, that I sing. Oh, yes, I have your record of I'll be seeing you. Oh, yes? I'll be seeing you. Now, to be honest, in your opinion, what do you think? Well, I'll be seeing you. Oh, now, Patrice, now, don't you stop that, too. If they want Broadway people to act, I can certainly do that. And as far as my singing is concerned, well, maybe you can help me, darling. Now, just listen to this. I'll be seeing you in all the places that this heart of mine embraces all day through. Now, tell me, darling, what am I doing this wrong? Singing. Yes, you sweet. Look, Tencel Tonsles. I wish you could have heard me when I sang at the Paramount Theatre. You sang at the Paramount Theatre? I most certainly did. And don't think it's easy keeping up with that bouncing ball on the screen. Well, I'll tell you what, Tallulah. I'd like to get an idea of your range. Would you mind running the scale for me? Oh, I'd love to, darling. Adore me for school. That scale is quite low. I wish all scales were that low. Can't you try it now an octave higher? And not in this girdle, darling. I know what you mean, Tallulah. A really high note, if it vibrates just right, can actually split something. Oh, I don't believe that. Besides, I can't sing now. What is your top note, Patrice? I broke your glasses. I don't care about my glasses, darling, which you broke my diamond ring. But singing or no singing, now, Patrice, if they really want to modernize the opera, they're going to have to get the finest performance on Broadway, performance. Now, take, for instance, La Traviata, which is based on Dilma's great play, Camille, the Lady of the Camilleus. Now, you will agree, darling, that the scene in which Camille dies takes the artist to have a really superb dramatic actress. Yes, and that death scene takes the singing of a really great voice to give the scene its fullest dramatic effect. Maybe, but I've always felt that when a person is dying, he doesn't feel like singing. But basically, this is a spot for great dramatic actors who can do justice to their mortal lines like these. Amon, listen to me, Amon. Amon, I have lived, I love, and I will die by love. Isn't doing well? And not my death uncertain. Your father would not have written to return. When I'm dead, Amon, all you shall retain of me will be pure. If I live, there would always be stains upon my love. Believe me, what God does, He does well. Open the drawer, Amon, and take out that locket. It contains my portrait. It was painted in the days when I was pretty, pretty. I had it made for you. Keep it, keep it. It will help your memory hereafter. Do you hear, my Amon? Do you hear? I'm dying, but I'm happy too. My happiness concealed my death. Oh, see, it's strange, strange. I do not suffer now. Amon, I shall live. Well, I've healed. Oh, Patrice, do you know Judy Holiday? Of course. Hello, Miss Dawn. That's what you mean. I certainly don't want to be typed as a singer who can only sing into Flater Mouse any more than you want to be typed as a girl who can only play Billy Dawn. Well, that's exactly what I meant. So from now on, please try to think of me as Billy Holiday. I mean Judy, Dawn. What were you going to say before you interrupted yourself? I was talking about modernizing the opera. Patrice sang, and you did that coffin routine. The opera, you know, you need comedy. Well, darling, how could you get lost in a dramatic scene like that? It's very easy, I'll show you. As the scene opens, we pan over to our hospital bed. From RCA Victor, inch for inch, your best buy in television is RCA Victor 19-inch. Yes, a great many American families have taken this advice and bought the thrilling RCA Victor 19-inch console, truly the most exciting buy in television. When you set out to become an RCA Victor million-proof television set owner, remember that the set you choose will be the very hub of your home for years to come. So select the model you really want most, and chances are that model will be the kingly RCA Victor 19-inch console, inch for inch, your best buy in television. Your 19-inch set will give you in a great big way all the matchless, million-proof qualities of sight and sound possible only to the world leader in electronics. Yes, inch for inch, your best buy in television is indeed RCA Victor 19-inch. And with it, go wishes to you and your family for all the warmth and good cheer of million-proof television by RCA Victor. Here, ladies and gentlemen, as a young man, you've all been waiting to hear. At least I have. It's Vaughan Monroe. And I'm just dying to hear what they say I sound like. Vaughan Monroe singing, the night is young and you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful here among the shadows. The scene is set, the breezes sing of it. Can't you get into the swing of it late? They start visible, the thing is cool, visible. And if I were a slave, what can I do? Among the shadows, beauty. The scene is set, the breezes sing of it. Can't you get restart, visible, visible. So glamorous and divine. I've been a fan of yours for years. My favorite dance band has always been Vaughan Monroe and his Royal Canadian. Well, you're thinking of another guy, Mambardo, for instance. Oh, excuse me, darling, I'm so awfully sorry. I should have known, of course, Vaughan Monroe was a civilian. This is getting a little worrying. I doubt if you've ever heard my band. Of course, darling, I was just joking. Everybody knows swing and sway with Vaughan Monroe. That's Sammy Kay. Connecticut Yankees. That was Rudy Valley. A&P Gypsies? That was Harry Horlick. Oh, would you mind, darling, repeating the question? There was no question. You started the whole thing. I didn't ask you anything. I know Vaughan Monroe and his Californians. That was Abe Blammon. All right, Vaughan, I give up, darling. What is it? Vaughan Monroe and his glamorous, unpredictable orchestra. Very sweet. Well, if you're not going to tell me, I just keep on guessing. Vaughan Monroe and his ripping rhythm. That's Shebb Fields. Well, am I hard? Well, that's a matter of opinion. Very sweet. I know I can think, but I'd better make it savvy, because Eddie Candidth, do you hear it any moment? Oh, Tallulah. Now, don't bother me, Ed Hurley. Ah, he-ho. I'm trying to think. Well, why do you thinking and trying to pronounce it early? And while we're waiting for Eddie Candidth, Tallulah, I'd like to take just a moment to say that this portion of the program was brought to you by the makers of Anderson for fast relief from pain of headache, eritis, and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Oh, I remember it now, Vaughan. Sweezy's music, this side of heaven. That's Guilin Bartow again. No, darling. That's Tallulah Bankhead ringing her chimes and saying we're back in a moment and this is NBC, the national broadcasting company. This is The Big Show. And here is your mistress of ceremonies, Tallulah Bankhead. Oh, I wish Vaughan Monroe would give me one more chance. Oh, I think I know. Of course, Vaughan Monroe and his all-girl orchestra. No. No, I'm the one with the all-girl orchestra. Eddie Cascio. Hello, hello, Tallulah. Oh, hello, Eddie, darling. You look so wonderful, so young and peppy. How do you do it? How do I do it? Listen, Tallulah, I was looking through who's who the other day and I noticed that both you and I were born on the same day, January 31st. Oh, is your birthday January 31st too? That's right, we're both January 31st. Well, who's gonna ask who first? Don't you dare mention that year on this program. Personally, I'm not sensitive about my age. I remember the day I was born in 1917. My daughter looked at my wife and said, you know, Mommy, he looks just like me. Ah, but it's nice to be standing here with Tallulah Bankhead, one of the first ladies of the theater. I've been reading about her and who's who, and you know something? She was the first lady in the theater. Gosh, she's not young, you know, the kid. Gosh, I wish I'd been around in those days. That was about the time, another old time, I got his start, Fred Allen. And it must have been fun to be in show business when Tallulah and Fred first sprang into the limelight. Those were real days in the theater. Imagine Sarah Bernhardt, John Barrymore, Lionel, Lionel and Ethel. What have we got today? Dagmar, Howdy Doody and Uncle Milty. Fred and Tallulah were talking this morning about the days of rectors and Delmonico's when a good dinner cost you 90 cents. Yesterday, Ida told me that liver is now a $1.35 a pound. In the days of Fred and Tallulah, there wasn't anybody strong enough to lift the $1.35 worth of liver. And the songs of that period, Gus Edwards wrote one of them, and Fred taught it to me this morning. It goes like this. By the light of the silvery moon I want a spoon to my honey I'll crew Loves to honey moon. The lyrics meant something in those days. By the light of the silvery moon. What have we got today? Slam, bam, alec-a-zam, zing, zing, zoom, zoom. Whoopty-doo! I heard a cowboy this morning on the radio sang a song called, Get off that hot stove, Grandpa, you're too old to ride the rain. Ladies and gentlemen, the songs have changed. Used to be a girl sang, No, no, a thousand times, no. Today the same girl says, Diamonds are a girl's best friend. And in the old days, marriages meant something. When you said I do, it was till death do you part. The trouble with marriages today is while they're saying I do, they're looking around the church to see if they can do better. Time is stuck to one wife. Look at Fred and Portland. They've married 23 years. Burns and out. They've married 20 years or more. On June the 9th, I and I will celebrate our 37th year of wedded bliss. A very happy marriage, except for one thing, one little thing. And it's not too late, you know. If I was listening, I wanted to know Ida, dear. When? When are you going to learn to make a nice cup of coffee? Yes, friends. Things have changed since Tallulah and Fred got their start. Life was less complicated. In their day, if you had a problem, you talked it over with your family on the porch. Now you discuss it with a psychiatrist on a couch for 20 bucks a throw. And what clothes are the clothes? The clothes they wore back in those early days when Tallulah and Fred first started out. The crinoline days, the hoop skates, and the bustles. They tell me that at one time, women used to wear seven, eight, ten petticoats. Fella got married to a girl, went on his honeymoon. When his wife started peeling the petticoats, he didn't know whether he married a woman or an artichoke. I wish I had lived in that time when men wore handle bar mustaches. And the women looked like women, you know, hourglass figures with sand in both ends. What have they got today? Plunging necklines. No sand at all. Just beach. The old days, a man didn't dare to hope for more than a glimpse of a lady's high-button shoes as she walked by. But now, now he runs his eye over her like a swede looking at a table full of smorgasbores. And going to the beach, that was an occasion in those far-off days. A girl had to put on bathing shoes, black stockings, bloomers, shirtways, jersey, a hat, and carry a parasol. This morning, in the Sunday paper, I saw an ad for the very latest French bathing suit from the Riviera, a bottle of suntan oil and a zipper. Days when Emerson, when Emerson meant Ralph Waldo and not Faye. But Tallulah, and Fred didn't have all the fun. There was another fella in those days, the chap that Zichtel put into his follies. You may remember him. Came out in blackface with white rimmed glasses and pranced up and down the stage, singing. How you gonna keep him down on the farm after they've seen Harry? How you gonna keep him away from Broadway, jazzing around, painting the town? How you gonna keep him away from harm? That's a mystery. Moving when he meets his par, he'll kiss his cheek and holla ooh la la. How you gonna keep him down on the farm? A deep bow to a master showman. Oh, it was a pleasure being here, Tallulah. By the way, you know, Ida, Ida's been watching the show offstage back there. And you can do me a big favor, Tallulah. Who told you that? No, I mean, who would you do me a big favor? You see, a few months ago, Ida appeared on my television show. I gave her one line to read and she got it so mixed up, they're still trying to untangle the cable from here to Kansas City. Now, if I brought her out, would you kindly give her a few pointers on how to speak correctly? I know to you it's me a child's play. I should be giving Ida pointers in child's play. No, no, no, no. It'll be a big favor, Tallulah. I wanted to come back to the show with me, but since she made that mistake, she's afraid, you see. If you could give her a word of advice or encouragement, she looks up to you so. Oh, that's very sweet, darling. Okay, Ida, I'll try to. Ida, Ida, come here, will you? Ida. Eddie, that's Vaughan Monroe. You're waving at this. No, no, no. Oh, excuse me. Ida, here she is. Here she is. Ida, this is Tallulah Bankhead. Hello. Hello, darling. Ida, Eddie tells me that when you were on the show with him a little while back that your enunciation was not as flawless as it might have been and you developed a sort of neurotic inhibition about going back because of some faulty addiction in your rendition of a line. Huh? Last up a joke on his program. Well, just for one bad reading, you're not going back. What sort of a trooper are you, Ida? I'd tell you that if your husband wants you to go on that program with him, your place is by his side. You must never let one little little line mix you up and keep you away from him. There you see, Ida. And Tallulah knows. She gave you some good advice. Now say thank you very much and tell her you appreciate it. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Ida, you did it. You see, you're talking fine. Really, you are. Tallulah cured you. Thanks. Well, I'm very glad to have been of service, Eddie. And nice to have met you out of, darling. Good night, my sweet. Good night. It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Meathead. It was fun. Yes, Portland. What is it, darling? We, the members of your Jackson Heights Tallulah Bank head forever fan club, heard Patricia Monzel say, you couldn't sing in the opera. So we have written an opera for you to prove you can. Would you like to do it now? Well, darling, we have much time. How long would it take? Oh, it's opera length. And we thought since you have so many stars on the show, they could all join and putting it on. Mr. Monroe, Miss Monzel, Mr. Carter, Miss Holliday, Miss Lee, and Mr. Alan. What's your story about Portland? Well, as the opera starts, we see 200 cowboys chasing each other all over the range. Now gather round folks, we have a story for you. A drama of Buckaroo. Come and be a, you'll be a. Come and tie a, you'll be a. This old Buckaroo's got a daughter and a wife. He's lived in poverty all his life. Come and tie a, you'll be a. You'll be a, you'll be a. Come and Buckaroo's skin is longer than the tail begin. Come and tie a, you'll be a. You'll be a, you'll be a. Come and tie a, you'll be a. Well, little Judy, I'm going to have a little Judy as soon as your pa gets back. Where is pa, ma? Well, he drove the cattle up to the city to sell them. Why didn't we eat the cattle, ma? Well, it was too easy, too small to eat, little Judy. Your pa's selling them around pet shop for pecanizes. Well, we never had bad times like that back east in Alabama. Why did you move out here on the prairie, ma? Well, I'll tell you, little Judy, when I was a girl of sweet sixteen, I was the village bell and the chamber of commerce that crowned me queen on this new raw show. Millionaires took me out every night to a show of a cafe. But I met your papy at a rodeo and that is why today, ah, and my name is Perl, at a road park, Perl. Once my beauty drove the men insane, I'm just an old hag living on to me and I'm starting to look like Marv to me. You brought some vittles? Oh, skip the page. What's happening? Well, that must be... Judy, I think I hear your pa coming. What? Some vittles? No, I didn't bring no vittles, ma. I was in the pet shop decorin' and the cat stampeded ma hers. Why, you family starvin', you come home empty-handed, pa, you and me is through. Ma, you ain't so sayin' we're through, ma. Remember the first time we met? Now, hush, little Judy, hush, child hush. Yeah. If you two hadn't met, I wouldn't be hungry today. Pa has raised you, little Judy. All I ever had to play with has been horses and cows. So? One years old, I was walkin' on all fours. Well, you up on your hind legs now, ain't ya? Yes. Well, maybe she's just sick of wearing harness for underwear, ma. Now, looka here, little Judy. Maybe your pa ain't done a lot of things, but I made a home for ya, didn't I? A home? You would call this a home here where rattlesnakes roam and rain through the roof always falls. No cellar, no doors, no windows, no floors, and buzzard scratch holes in the wall. And since we moved into this style, and I ain't a aimin' to start no new habits. Hey, somebody's knockin' high on the door. Must be somebody on horseback, Pa. Well, this fountain, come in. Howdy, folks. You remember me? What a memory. You ain't seen me since I rented you this cabin. That's seven years ago. You owe me seven years' rent. $1,000. I'm gypsy, and I want my money. Well, what's money? What is it? I'm givin' you a little sundown to find out. Well, I'll tell ya, we'll get some money somehow, and we'll count it out for ya. Oh, you better be countin' money when I countin' Oh, you better be countin' money when I countin' Or I'll pull my trusty trigger, you'll have mortis, you'll have rigor, so you'd better be countin' money when I countin' Gypsy, two gun will pay you the thousand on one condition. No, sir, no conditions. I want my G and no strings. Pa, we gotta get wood, our son, Vaughn at college. Well, how can we get wood to little old Vaughn? He can write more. Well, I Vaughn is playin' basketball in college. He's makin' plenty of money, Pa. Big auto, just stopin' the doves. Say, some little dude is gettin' out of that auto. He's, uh, he's comin' in here. Come stranger. Folks, I'm president of the RCA Victor Company. What's RCA? Anything like DDT? Well, all my company makes phonograph records, and I'm looking for old songs. People today are crazy about old songs. Today, every family that owns a Victrola is sayin', get out those old kids. They used to play so long, they may sound scratchy. The two and the sweetie were catchy. A special kid that said, I love you so. We used to play just to set the wedding date. To get some portable I'd bring my portable to melt your heart away with all those old old songs. If you folks know any old western songs, you can make a portrait. Well, you sure can use a portrait, baby. Yeah, for now only our boy Vaughn. Say more. Somebody's ridin' up the trail. Look, it's a man and a she. Well, I'll open the door, Pa. Vaughn, my son. Well, howdy, Vaughn. Who's the she? This is my wife, Patrice. Well, son. Hello, folks. Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. Son, you just come just in time. That son down your ma and me is gettin' evicted. Is this little man here with the Popeye puttin' you out? No, no, no. I'm just here lookin' for songs. If your folks have any folk songs, I'll be glad to buy them folk songs from your folks. Well, if you haven't had a song, we could pay the rent, son. Well, Vaughn has a song. He picked it up at college. Let's sing it for him, Vaughn. Okay. I was walsin' with my darlin'. To the Tennessee wall I happened to see. He introduced him to my loved one. And while my friends stole my sweetheart from me, I remember the night how much I yes, I lost my little darlin'. My darlin' to the Tennessee Yes, I lost my sensation on RCA records and here's your first royalty payment, $1,000. Vaughn, I know you saved your morn, Paul. Cheaper. So this is money, eh? Where you can bend it. And I never know to have pictures on it, neither. It's two-gun gypsy. It's sundown, folks. I'll take my rent. We got your rent, two-gun gypsy. Eh, but we ain't gonna give it to ya. Why not? Well, now we got money, we can afford to live in a better neighborhood. Ma, little Judy and me and Vaughn and Patrice is movin'. All Ma and me has got to say to you, two-gun gypsy is good to know ya. We've had a lot of fun tonight and we hope you'll be with us next week when our stars will be to stars such as Ginger, Gary Cooper, Dani Kay, the Delta Rhythm Boys, Maxi Rosenbloom, Rudy Valli, Julie Wilson, and others, and of course, of course, Marylith Wilson and his big-show orchestra. And until then, may the good Lord bless and keep you for the nearer are far away. Judy? May you find that long awaited May the good Lord bless and keep you, till we again. Portland, may you walk light shining, and a blue day. May there be a silver lining, back of every cloud you see. Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrow, never mind what might have been, Fred. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until we meet again. The big show next Sunday, what we'll have with us Ray Bolger, Gary Cooper, Danny Kaye, the Delta Rhythm Boys, Maxie Rosenblum, Rudy Ballet, Julie Wilson and others. Meredith Wilson and his orchestra and chorus, and of course your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bank head. Vaughan Monroe appeared through the courtesy of Camel Cigarette. The big show is directed and produced by D. Engelbach and written by Goodman A. Selma Diamond, George Foster, Mort Green and Frank Wilson. This is Ed Hurley, he's saying good night. St. Alice Bay, later here at Thierrygill on NBC.