 The Jackpenney program, presented by Lucky Strike求 크� shore ball Let your own taste and throat be the judge For smoothness and mildness there's never a rough buff in a Lucky Strike or smoothness and mildness there's never a rough buff in a Lucky Strike Yes, let your own taste and throat be the judge For smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike and that's because L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness. And no wonder, for years Lucky Strike has maintained America's largest and most complete cigarette research laboratory. Prior to the auctions, the buyers for Lucky Strike send sample leaves from all tobacco growing areas to this great laboratory for scientific analysis to help determine which tobaccos are really fine. And this is only one phase of the constant research that helps make possible Lucky Strike's unconditional guarantee. Check the cigarette you are now smoking. Among all leading brands, only the makers of Lucky Strike put an unconditional guarantee on the pack. So smoke a Lucky, let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness. There's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Dane, yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, this is our second week in New York. So let's go out to the Acme Plaza Hotel where Jack is staying. Our little star is still in bed. Smiling, I'm smiling. What time is it? Four o'clock in the afternoon. Four o'clock in the afternoon. Didn't the sun shine today? I don't know. This room hasn't got a window. What do you mean it hasn't got a window? Raise the shade. There, what's that? Well, you could have fooled me. Yesterday when I lifted the shade, I could have sworn it was snowing. That was the plaster falling off the ceiling. Oh, yeah, look at the way it drifted up against the baseboard. What a hotel. Rochester, you can stop laughing. This is a very nice... Hey, Bendy, you want it on the phone. Huh? You want it on the phone. Hand me my robe, Rochester. Here you are. Okay, okay, I'm coming. Where's the phone? Right down the hall. And while you're talking, don't go tampering with a coin box. I won't, I won't. Yeah, I wonder who could be... Oh, here's the phone on the wall. Hello? Hiya, Jackson. It's about time you answered. Oh, hello, Phil. Do you have any trouble getting this hotel? No, I just dialed BO 7236 in the Nairwick answer. What's that? What'd you call for, anyway? Well, look, we'll soon be going back to California and I wanted to know if it's all right with you if Alice and I stopped off at Niagara Falls for a few days. You know, that's the place to go for a honeymoon. But, Phil, you and Alice were married eight years ago. Didn't you go on a honeymoon then? Yeah, but this time we'd like to go without Remly. You took Remly on your honeymoon? Didn't know until we got there somebody tied him to the back of the car. Oh, well, that could happen to anybody. Yeah. Hey, Jackson, I got to tell you about a funny coincidence. Yes, the Alice and I were walking down the street talking about a second honeymoon and we ran right into the man that married us. Who was that? Petrillo. Petrillo officiated your wedding. Why not? My dues was paid up. Oh, oh, I see. Well, look, I got to hang up now, Dad. I got a lot of things to do tonight. I'm going to see South Pacific. South Pacific? You're going to see South Pacific? Yeah. See how I envy you. I pulled all kinds of strings to see that show. I couldn't even get one ticket. Really? I tried everything. Have you tried money? Yes, I even washed Mary Martin's hair. Now, Phil, if you're stopping off on Niagara Falls, will you be back in Hollywood in time for my next Sunday's program? Sure. I'll be there, Jackson. You know I love you. Huh? Your option is coming up. I wouldn't let you down. Well, that's very thoughtful of you, maestro. Goodbye. So long, Clyde. And Mr. Harris, well, I better get dressed now. Mr. Livingston said that you might... That dog in the next room barking again. Kept me awake half the night. Got a good mind to complain to his owner. His owner lives at the Sherry Netherlands. The Sherry Netherlands? He only took a room here for his dog. Imagine him putting a cock or spaniel in the next room. They tried to give him this one, but he warned the window. Now, Rochester, hand me my tie, will you? Here you are, boy. Come in. Yeah, don't be late there, right? But you said you might wait until he goes to the races. Mary, when you said you'd come right over to this hotel, I wasn't sure that you would. Well, I have a confession to make. I only came out of curiosity. Oh. And Jack, this Acme Plaza certainly is different. What do you mean, different? Well, I walked into the lobby. I asked the clerk for your room, and he said it was six floors down. All right, so you had to take the elevator. Some elevator. They lowered me in a bucket. They got a picture of John L. Lewis in the lobby. Mary. And the bellboys are in a three-day week. Oh, stop. Be happy you found the place. You have any trouble? No, I was lucky. I got in the cab and said, Dravid, do you know where the Acme Plaza is? And he said, yes, ma'am. I used to live there when I was out of work. Now I know you just made that up. No, I didn't, Dad. Say, have you had your program all set for Sunday? Most of it, Mary. But I don't know what to do about a commercial. The sportsman Quartet didn't come to New York. Oh, sir, you mentioned that yesterday, so I took the liberty to ask some friends of mine to come down and audition for you. Oh, thanks, Rochester. And you know, Mary, I thought that on the opening of the show, I might play my violin. I haven't done that yet in New York. Oh, Jack, nobody wants to hear you play love and bloom. Mary, I've learned a new one, some enchanted evening. Wait till I get my violin and I'll play it for you. Here it is, boss. Thanks. Oh, Mary, this will be swell now. Oh, wait a minute. Wait till you hear this. There's another violinist in this hotel. He had trouble with Rudolph Bing. Oh, yes, I read about that. Anyway, Mary, I'm going to play my violin in the program. It will be very good. OK, Jack, OK. Now, how about going out and get something to eat? We don't have to go out. We can eat right here. Jack, you mean you want to eat here in this room? Certainly. Rochester, get room service. Yes, sir. I'll put a note in the bucket and tell them the lawyer will weigh them. Stop being funny. I don't care how you do it. Jack, there's still a nice restaurant in town. Why don't we go out? Mary, they have very fine food here. There's nothing wrong with this hotel. Maybe a little out of the way. What was that? Well, hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. Hello, Don. Don, I didn't expect to see you. How'd you know where I live? Well, I didn't. I was walking along the street and fell down an open manhole. Oh, central park. Ouch! Don, what happened? I tried to stick my head out the window. Look, Jack, it's snowing. Well, that must be the waiter now. Come in. Yes? Rochester told Mr. Drumbox. He said you were looking for a singing group. Oh, yes, yes. Come on in, fellas. It was nice of you boys to come over. What do you call yourselves? The ink spots. The ink spots. Boys, I'm glad you're here. Rochester told me you had an idea for a number that could be used on my program. Yes, sir. We took our theme song and made a special arrangement just for you. Oh, how nice. Could I hear it now? Yes, sir. Well, sit down, Mary. Don, come on, fellas. Let's have it. If I didn't more than words can say If I didn't sway What makes my head go round and round While if I didn't be the same Would my head bring the company And another thing they said Showed to success Absolutely wonderful. And rehearsal is tomorrow at 11 o'clock. Thank you, Mr. Benny. We'll be there. Goodbye. So long. Well, Don, the ink spots are going to be great. They sure will, Jack. What else would be planned for the show? Well, as I was telling Mary, I think that I ought... Well, that must be the waiter. Come in. Room service. Oh, yes, yes. Come in, waiter. Mary, what do you want to eat? Oh, I don't know. Waiter, let me see that mania. Here you are, kid. Mary, let me look at her. Now, let's see. Beef stew. Winners and sour crowd. Goulash, spaghetti and meatballs. Porterhouse steak. Say, that's reasonable for a porterhouse. That's the old price. We had to raise it. Oh, how much is it now? 45 cents. Wow! Jack, can't we go somewhere else? Don't worry about it, Mary. The food is fine here. All right. Waiter, have you any lamb chops? Yes, ma'am. I'll have that, too. Waiter, we'll all have lamb chops. Would you mind saving the bones for the guest in the next room? He always likes something to eat after his last show. Never mind, waiter. Go get the food. Say, Jack, you started to tell me something about the program. Oh, yes, Don. Well, I was planning to play my violin, and then after the commercial, I thought we would do Alan's Alley. Alan's Alley? Yes, Mary. Look, you see, Fred Allen's been off the air for nearly a year, and as long as we're here in New York, I thought it'd be a nice touch to bring back those wonderful people who lived in Alan's Alley. Oh, that's a swell idea, Jack. I'm glad you like it. I'm because I've already hired Kenny Delmar, Parker Fenley, Peter Donald... Well, who's going to play the part of Fred Allen? I am, Mary, and you'll be Portland. But, Jack, do you think we can play those parts? Certainly, Mary. Look, here's exactly how it'll go on the program. Now, first, I'll put a clothespin on my nose, like this. Now, wait, wait, wait till I fix it here. I have to... I have to sound like... Wait a minute. And then, and then you say... Oh, Mr. Allen... Oh, Portland. I see you're reading the newspaper. What's new? Well, here's an interesting item in the personal column. A personal ad? Read it to me. Handsome young men with sniffles would like to meet two attractive young ladies with fever. Object to share four-way cold tablets. And what romance. Come on, Portland, let's go down to Allen's alley. And what is your question tonight? My question tonight is, do you think television will replace radio? Shall we go? As the man said when he stepped on his bathroom scales, I'm on my way. Well, things look kind of quiet here in Allen's alley, but I think Senator Claghorn is home. I can smell the aroma of poached possum. I'll knock on his door. Somebody, I'll say somebody pizzicatoed my pie. Yes, Senator. Be gone, you pivot tooth, it makes me dizzy. Yes, Senator. Get to the point, son. I'm busier than a bubble dancer with a slow... Oh, is this your first trip? Son, I've spent so much time down in Florida, people think I'm male. You're supposed to yuck it up. Question I'd like to ask you. Do you think television will ever replace radio? I don't know about that, son, but I do know that television will play a big part in the next presidential election. What do you mean, Senator? Well, now there won't be any campaign speeches in 1952. For the Democrats, Margaret will sing. Publican. If television will play such a big part, who do you think will win the next election? Senator is a windy one. I'll pick up my hat and go next door. I wonder if Titus Moody is in. Howdy, Bob. Say, Titus. Titus, what's the matter? You look like you've been crying. All night long. Crying all through the night? What's wrong? Oh, my friend, Lem Hawkins. He up and died. Oh, that's a shame. When did Lem die? Last spring. Wait a minute, Mr. Moody. How come you're crying now if Lem went last spring? He died during the planting season. I was too busy then. How old was Lem? 97. Died of old age, eh? No, no. It was an accident. An accident? He worked over at the maple syrup factory. Yes? One day he slipped, fell into a vat of maple syrup, sweetened himself to death. Yep, yep. That was last spring. They're still fighting the ants off his grave. Mr. Moody, enough about the sacrament, Mr. Hawkins. I'd like to ask you a question. Make it first, Bob. I got to go slop the hogs. Mr. Moody, do you think television will replace radio? I don't know. The farmers, they'll never go for television. Why not? Well, sir, I bought a television set myself, put it in the henhouse to step up egg production. And did it work? Well, first I tuned in the wrestling matches for them. That didn't do any good. It didn't? No. When Gorgeous George came on, the hens would just sit there and pant. Then I tuned in Fay Emerson. Yes? I'd just sit there and pant. I see. Finally, I found the program that made the hens lay eggs. Hop along Cassidy. How did Hoppy make those hands produce? Well, sir, every time Hoppy shot his gun, they'd lay eggs. No. It was a pleasure to watch Hoppy in a six-wheeler. Him a-shooting and them a-laying. Now you're prosperous. Well, I would have been, but in one picture, Hoppy double-crossed me. Hoppy double-crossed you? How? Well, he pulled out a machine gun. All my hens dropped dead trying. I wonder who I'll find in this next time. The same to you, eh, Jacks? But wait, you have a black eye. I have, I have me, boy. It is a badge of honor I acquired last night during the break of Sir Kerrigan's cozy corner. You mean you were in a fight? Tell me what happened. I will. Last night, you see, I entered Kerrigan's cozy corner. A peaceful man with nothing on me mind but the delights of a tall-foaming glass of beer. Yes? So I ordered me beer, you see. And overcomes Kerrigan and questions me credit. I see. Well, when Kerrigan cast aspersions on me credits, we exchanged a few words. Uh-huh. Then we exchanged a few blows. Uh-huh. And Kerrigan started hitting me over the head with a bottle of four rodents. Now, what happened next? He switched to Calvin. Well, eh, Jacks, the question I'd like to ask you tonight is do you think television will replace radio? Well, tell me, boy, that's a hard question to answer. Uh-huh. You see, in my house, we have both a television set and a radio. I see. And what do you listen to most? My wife. Goodbye, human. That brings us to the last little house in Allen Valley. I wonder who we'll find here. Hey, Mr. Kitzel, what are you doing here in New York? Well, Mr. Allen, last week in Hollywood, I was walking down Sunset Boulevard and as I passed the radio station, a man with a hoof dragged me into our quiz program. A quiz program? Yeah, they asked me questions. I gave them answers. And the next thing I know, I'm spending two glorious weeks in the Bronx. Tell me, Mr. Kitzel, are you having a good time? Oh-hoo-hoo. Tonight, a different show. Really? What shows have you seen since you've been here? Oh, I saw The Rat Race, Death of a Salesman, Miss Liberty, and last night, I saw Max's Little Darling. You mean... You mean Texas Little Darling? No, Max's Little Darling. I had dinner with my brother Max's wife. And she weighs 240 pounds. 240 pounds? On the present trade of exchange. Well, getting back to the original question, I'd like to ask your honest opinion. Do you think television will replace radio? For this, I'm in no position to venture on opinion. You're not, eh? No. I'll admit that I didn't rush out to buy one. Being very practical, I listened first to what people were saying about it, whether they were making them good enough and whether it was worth the investment. Uh-huh. And after debating to myself pro and con, I finally decided it was here to stay so last week I went out and bought one. A television set? No, a radio. And what a display of confidence. Well, that's all I wanted to know. Goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. What? With those blue eyes. You didn't fool me for one second. Own taste and throat. Be the judge. For smoothness and mildness. There's never a rough puff in a lucky strike. And that's because... L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Listen to what Mr. B.V. Boyn, an independent tobacco buyer from Timminsville, South Carolina, recently said. At the markets I've worked as a buyer, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine, light, ripe tobacco. That makes a smooth, mild smoke. For 22 years now, I've smoked Lucky's regularly. Millions of smokers, including the famous Shakespearean actor, Maury Sevens, take a tip from the experts and smoke Lucky Strike. Just recently, the popular Mr. Evans said, I like Lucky's better than any other cigarette I've ever smoked. And for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, light up a Lucky. Let your own taste and throat be the judge. For smoothness and mildness, there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. Get a carton today. Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to say we've had a very pleasant two weeks here in New York, and next week we'll be broadcasting again from Hollywood, California. Good night, everybody. Be sure to hear Dennis Day in the day and the life of Dennis Day. He turns to the Amazon and he shall be followed immediately. This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.