 Hello, I'm every politician in Washington. Running the country is hard enough, but explaining myself to voters? That's impossible. Most of them went to public schools. That's why I use Grammarly, Government Edition. It makes helpful suggestions to all my messaging, so you mouth-breathing sheep see things the way I want you to. Oh, that's a good idea. All I have to do is set the party slider and choose whether I want to appeal to the country or my base. Grammarly does the rest, helping me energize support or manufacture outrage. Though honestly, what's the difference? Grammarly turns typical policy positions into clear, unassailable sound mics and changes messy, unpalatable issues into confusing, but easy to swallow misdirection. You may be thinking, voters aren't that dumb. Well, we wouldn't do this if it wasn't working. Grammarly, Government Edition. Helping Washington shovel all that bullshit you people keep eating. I can't say spaz anymore.