 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2019 of Orlando, Florida. Our next speaker is a Navy SEAL veteran He spent about six years on SEAL team 10 protecting our country and serving it He's also the founder of Full Spectrum Warrior, and he works here in Central, Florida at Deepwood's USA He's also traveled the world training law enforcement and other groups how to protect themselves and do their job And he works with civilians including speakers from this convention training us including Elliott Hall's Socrates Hunter Drew myself This guy's a real fucking badass We'll have further ado, please. I'll be walking the stage rich Graham How's it going? Thank you. All right. Good morning. How's everyone doing good? I? Know it's the last day. We've had a a big couple days here lots of training lots of fun outside here So hopefully I can wake everyone up if you're still halfway sleeping so I had a few different talks and the talk is kind of morphed as the as the Weekend has gone on I had original game plan of what I was going to talk to you guys about listening to some of the other speakers Listening to some of your questions and comments I've actually just changed what we're going to talk about today, so I don't have a PowerPoint I'm sure no one's sad about that right, but I'm just going to talk to you from the heart I don't have really a script. We're just going to go with it right so What we see today or what we're going to talk about right is the The need for men to fight right and how we build our confidence through fighting Now there's three types of fighting we're going to focus on today, right? And the first one is obviously the physical this the kinetic right and we see this from little boys playing, you know with sticks as swords and Cops and robbers and all that kind of stuff. It's normal for us to grow up as as children and want to scrap with each other, right? then we get into more of the Psychological fight right the psychological warfare and That can be many times From other people trying to influence us right and then we come into The spiritual warfare right and that might be more of like the talk whether you're into Whatever religion or not, but from the aspect of what is the war that's happening within my mind in my own heart, right? But all three of these we're in a fight Okay, and through the fight we build our confidence so that's where I'm going to go with this and as we Dive into this one of the things that I find is interesting. There's an old quote I have no idea who says it and they're like it's better To be a warrior in the garden Than a farmer in the war, right? Would you agree with that statement? Yeah, for the most part so Our society today doesn't want us to be warriors anymore everything they try to do right now is to try to Curve us and throttle us back from being men and behaving like men Right, and it's detrimental to our Self-esteem and our self-identity right as we try to grow as men in this culture There's another thing that happens with this in my personal opinion, right? Is men in our country have lost the crucible that we've lost that that badge of That opportunity to earn our own respect improve ourselves to our peers that we are now men If you go back into a lot of like the tribal Societies and things like that you might find where at 16 years old or 14 years old they have to go climb that mountain they have to go out into the Freakin jungle or they have to go do whatever crazy task it is, right? And when you come out of that the tribe the group now looks at you as if you're a man Have you arrived? No, you still have a lot to learn you have a lot to prove but they can go we know Who you are we know that you have a warrior spirit? We can work with you and there's that respect one of the speakers was speaking the other day and was talking about He went into the to the boxing match Not being a boxer right and when he came out The other people in the gym that he was training with it didn't matter that he necessarily won or lost The fact was he got in the ring and they go, okay, maybe you're not the world champ But we know you'll fight does it make sense and now there was a sense of respect He was now part of the group even though he wasn't the number one boxer in the group Right, so as a society I feel like we've kind of lost that opportunity Right because there's opportunity in that struggle We've lost that opportunity in my opinion because as boys Currently they're told not to be boys. We're not allowed to play dodgeball anymore I mean who like is there some of the older guys here like remember playing dodgeball, right? Dodgeball was awesome. Just like smashing dudes. Yeah, like, ah, you know Then there was always that one dude or maybe the girl got in the way with the long hair And you hit them in the hair just like it pops out. That was always awesome, right? So We don't want to they don't let us play tag on the playground anymore They don't let us play tackle football, you know even two-hand touch football is becoming like, you know That's a little aggressive. So That's the time for young men to learn how to be physical with other men That's the way we communicate and there's a difference when men communicate through through physical Touch and through violence, right is because it's not emotional or it shouldn't be emotional It's a really good opportunity. Well, like I really learned a lot about Violence without or aggression or violence without emotion when I started working with the canines Right my old dog. She's in retirement now. She just see her walking around but Miko and her prime You'd bring Miko out and you'd be patting her and all this stuff and she'd be like totally cool and you'd be like Take them, right and all of a sudden this dog who you were just giving belly rubs to She'd run out to the end of the lead and like literally want to tear your throat out, right and be like, okay Leave it and she'd just come back and lay down You'd be like leave it. We're done and if you wanted to pet her you could pet her and she'd be like I don't care. This dude just gave me a belly rub I'm just as content getting a belly rub as I am chewing on them or screw it I'll take a belly rub, you know what I mean But there's no emotional attachment there and we see that a lot of time you ever see like two women getting a fight and it's like Super emotional and they're like strung out and like they hate each other for like the next like three years Right remember that in school Or two guys getting a fight and the next day, you know their friends again, maybe 15 minutes later They're friends again. There's that that emotional attachment But what men need that right to develop some of those social skills and everything like that But also to build up their own Personal identity like where do I fit in? How do I how do I navigate this? Can I fight? Am I a warrior? right think of every young man, right on their way up they All the people that we look at as like our heroes and all these comic books and all these movies and all this stuff, right? They're all You know essentially warriors some of the characters are getting more and more feminine as they move forward But you get the understanding of like the old comics, you know, the big gladiator looking dudes so as we Look deeper into this. I remember when I was working with one of the Native American tribes up in up north And I went in there to train their security teams and they had a bunch of young guys were on their security team And these guys were being trained to protect all the money that was being moved from their smoke shops, right and They made a ton of money Selling tobacco and all that stuff because it was tax-free and People would come from all over the area to buy all this stuff. So there's they were moving large amounts of cash So they wanted security guards to protect that but there was also drugs and stuff being sold on the on the native land Because our law enforcement agencies aren't allowed on that property. So a lot of the drug deals and things like that would happen here So they brought me in to train up these guys for the security measures and a lot of the dudes were young and they had never Tied into a lot of this like physical Activity that I'm talking about because the way society has started to shape us and saying like hey No, you know, it's bad to do that. You can't put hands on each other and all this kind of stuff I never gave him that opportunity to really explore that violence, right and and And when I sit when I'm talking about like being violent and stuff like that I'm not talking about going out and being freaking serial killers and you know jumping people and stuff I'm just talking about as a man getting hands-on with another person attacking a goal or anything like that with very intense physical, you know exertion, right, so These guys what they had what they lacked was any middle ground Have you ever heard the saying like if your only tool is a hammer then everything looks like a nail Right, maybe you haven't so I'm just gonna say if you have the only tool you have is a hammer Then everything looks like a nail, right? So here we have these young men who I'm trying to train and they've never done anything hands-on They don't have any MMA background. They don't have any boxing background grappling anything like that So they never really got hands-on with another person So they bring me in to teach them firearms training And I have like a year-long contract to come train these guys and I go up there once a month working with them, right? And like three months into it. I'm picking up on the fact that have no middle ground and I'm like dude We need to start training some combatives and we need to start doing some hands-on stuff They're like well, we wanted you to come train us on firearms. I'm like, yeah, I get that's what you wanted But this is what you need Because if all I train you is in firearms and you have no middle ground What's the one thing you're gonna go to when something bad happens? The firearm, right? So most of these people that you're dealing with on the on the nation, right on your property on your land Most of these people are cousins relatives all this kind of stuff So your your go-to option is to be to shoot people that are like your relatives like They're gonna get dragged out of your house, you know in the middle of the night You're gonna get your ass kicked if you're lucky, you know what I mean? Like that's not gonna fly you need to have that space to where you can throttle right your response as It's needed based on the situation if you only have One place to go Then you you over commit or you overreact to that situation, right? So I feel like the same things kind of happening here With these school shootings and bullying and all this kind of stuff because we never give them the kids the opportunity To get physical with each other to explore this area of their life, right as their growth process Right these kids who get bullied and picked on they have no idea what to do So what do they do they go like level 10 and they come in and you know in some cases? They wind up shooting up schools or something like that, right? That's there's a lot of other contributing factors But just on this specific topic that is one of the factors in my opinion that that leads to this is because we haven't Nurtured men through a level of violence to be able to be comfortable in that arena in that environment, okay? so Going into the SEAL training as everyone familiar with the SEAL teams are I know they said I was introduced as a SEAL so for some of you guys who've come here from other countries and stuff The SEALs are basically a special forces group that we have within our military specifically the Navy, right and Within that the training program for this is extremely hard It's been argued that it's probably one of the hardest military trainings In the world so to go through this Training there's a lot of people who try and a lot of people who get weeded out And that's why a lot of times when I meet people they're like man I thought you're gonna be a lot bigger, you know, but it is what it is I'm small, but I'm okay with it so the the training I remember going into there and Growing up being ten years younger than my brothers, right and being small I was always the ragdoll, you know what I mean? And I lost most of my fights with my brothers There was a couple that I won right. I was one time Where my brother made the mistake if he was picking on me then he fell asleep. I don't remember this He tells me this story so he's sleeping on the couch downstairs and apparently when I was like five years old You know, he's sleeping. He's sleeping all of a sudden. He just goes boom and he like sees stars And he falls off the couch and he has like no idea what's happening his head is like fucking pounding And he rolls over and he sees my little legs going to do to do up the staircase and he looks over there's a golf Club apparently I when he fell asleep, right? I got a golf club. I'm not recommending you guys do this by the way, right? I'm not edifying this thing. This is a good thing, right? but apparently I Came in and my mom had just pulled in the driveway, right? I didn't even know I realized I had these tactical skills back then, but apparently I did at five So my mom comes in the driveway and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna show Tony So I get this golf club and I come down he's sleeping. I hear my mom coming in the house I whack him in the head with a golf club I run up the staircase and I come crying to my mom and I grab her leg and then My brother comes running up the staircase to kick my ass and he comes around the corner my mom's there And he's like yelling that he's gonna come kick my ass and my mom's like get away from him You know leave him alone, and I'm just like holding on to my mom's leg like screaming like And I'm looking between her legs like and my brother like ha ha ha, you know That was like the one time I ever won so But growing up in that environment, right? I started to learn a lot about myself coming into high school my brother Jean who's like eight years older than me He's like dude. You're way too small He's like you're gonna get your ass kicked in high school You need to learn how to fight and I'm like yeah, we get my ass kicked my entire life like You know he's like no no he's like you got you got to learn how to freakin fight man I'm gonna put you in a fight club, and I'm like fight club with the hell's fight club He's like I heard about this place in this dude's basement, right? So here I am like 14 years old like 135 pounds My brother's dragging me into this place He's like we got to get you started before you go to high school because everyone's just gonna kick your ass You're gonna be everyone's little bitch, right? So he brings me downstairs in this dude's basement, but it turned out to be was tie-boxing But no one knew what the hell tie-boxing was yet because you know the UFC wasn't popular It was just getting started. It was like K1 or whatever it was back then and And it was just getting rolling out so in New Jersey at the time tie-boxing like full contact kickboxing was illegal still so this dude's running the stuff in his basement and Here I am at 14 years old, and I'm training with all these guys who are in their like mid 20s and 30s You know who are 180 pounds to like 260 pounds like men and here's my little skinny ass at like a hundred and thirty five hundred and forty five pounds 14 years old right and now I start training with these guys in this basement so These guys I'm holding pads for them, and they like hit the pads, and I'm like flying across the room you know what I mean and That was where I really started to learn how to fight like for real and at this point at like 14 And I did this all the way till I left for the Navy right at 18 years old So from 14 to 18 I was tie-boxing multiple days a week right with guys who are much bigger than me but what happened was I At this I wasn't that short, but like being a little bit skinnier than I am now right Training with these kind of guys what started to happen was I got comfortable standing in front of a 200-pound man at a hundred and forty-five pounds and after years of standing in front of a 200-pound man at a hundred and forty-five pounds, right? subconsciously right when I'm standing with someone like you know when I'm hanging out with a guy like Elliot Who's way stronger than me right subconsciously when I'm hanging out with Elliot when I stand across from Elliot and Elliot I'm not challenging you or whatever, but like when I stand across from Elliot I don't feel like I'm smaller than Elliot right and I feel comfortable in that space I'm not saying I would win in a strength competition, but my Myself worth right what like the way I view myself myself confidence I can stand with men that are bigger than me and I don't feel small does that make sense? I have that confidence in my ability to fight I have that confidence in being in that environment in a super aggressive environment with guys much bigger than me for years and over time Right, I've developed that That confidence there which when I first walked in I was freaking terrified right because I was so small So building up that self-confidence is huge for us to be in that arena And what happens is those guys start to respect you like dude this guy He's small, but he's a freaking scrapper. You know what I mean, and now you start to learn how to Strike hard to be more efficient and take advantage of what your actual Abilities your natural abilities are obviously I don't have mass on my side So I make up with it with speed and violence right so very fast aggressive movements is how I generate force and how is I Approach that situation right because I'm not a big dude, so I have to find out well What works for me? But I if I'm never in that position that I don't figure that out, and I don't build up that confidence right you're tracking with that so In this I remember being in the SEAL training and you have these guys who these are dudes who are training to be some of America's you know most elite warriors and Even in that environment though you have guys who have been amazing athletes, but they've never been fighters Right you have a lot of guys who are amazing gymnasts you have dudes who you know They're recruiting collegiate athletes from all over right some people might be doing Triathlons and all this kind of stuff, but then you get into an environment where now you're an environment dudes who are going to be warfighters Right and some of that Mentality from being an athlete and competing at a high level does not necessarily translate into being aggressive physically right and the guys who you're being surrounded with they look at you and they go Will this dude go to war will this dude fight as does this guy have the warrior spirit right and I watched guys get picked apart Right that were much bigger and stronger than me and when they would look at me I'm not like saying I'm awesome right, but the energy that I gave off to the dudes. I was surrounding with I Was not the one getting bullied even though. I was small does it make sense? They're like hmm He's a scrapper This dude, I think this guy's a bitch and then what do they do they test him right and I had this one friend in my Training class there's having them work more than one more than one person But the one dude then we'll talk about I'm not gonna put his name out there but he was getting targeted by by the guys in our class right and I Remember just saying to him like hey man We're in the in the room and we're on our bunk beds It this is like third phase of training like we've already gone through hell week if you don't know how weak Hell week is like the right of passage for the seal community It's like five and a half six days. You don't sleep you're doing physical Stuff running around with logs and getting hypothermia and doing all this Crazy shit for like five and a half six days straight, right? And that's where like your proving ground is that that's like our crucible when I was talking about like coming out of that You're like dude. I'm a man. You know what I mean, and I have the confidence like I can I can do anything at this point, right? Nothing will stop me. I don't quit. I keep driving forward. That still doesn't mean you're a fighter so these guys start targeting this dude and I remember just sitting on the bunk and I'm like hanging over the top bunk and I'm looking down at his bunk. I'm like, dude Next time they do this is advice from a 19 year old, right? Dude next time they come in and they say that shit to you dude just punch them right in the face And he's like dude. I can't do that. I'm like, no, no, no, it's not if you can or can't you need to Next time they go to say something to him just punch him straight in the face He's like, no, you know, I'm gonna get in trouble. I'm like, no, you won't just go punch him in the face right and he never did and The attacks never stopped and I'm not saying punching someone in the face is the answer to all your solutions I'm not saying like next time someone says something to you, right? Just understand the context of this, right? We're talking about someone being bullied who's in a military environment who the guys looking at him go I don't think he will fight. I Don't respect him right and now this kind of translates into when we're With with women one of the speakers the other day was talking about how the women will sit there and go Watch you watch what the other speakers are saying, right? They're analyzing the room They already know your game before you freaking walk in, right? so one of the ways that Not only a woman, but other men will gauge whether they respect you or not as they will watch how other men treat you So if you're in an environment what other men don't respect you that woman watches those other guys And how they communicate with you whether it's body language the things they say whatever and they'd be like This dude's a fake because if those guys don't respect him, why should I respect him? There's something that they know that I haven't found out yet But I can see it in the way that communications going back and forth So one of the ways that you can get Respect from a woman is by having the respect from the guys And you don't have to like try to prove anything or convinces this lady that you're awesome Whatever she can watch you interact with other men and she'll go hmm these other guys who are you know warrior minded They respect that guy. I think I can respect that guy, too Or at least it gives you a better odds of gaining respect. Does that make sense? So in this Fast-forward This dude keeps getting bullied he gets to the seal team He makes it through the training gets to the seal team and this stuff still follows him to the team Same stuff happens different group of guys same thing happens Right it follows him and it keeps happening because he won't stand up for himself He was an amazing athlete gymnast like Amazing physique he could run the cover of men's health, right, but He'd never had the opportunity really growing up to get hands-on physical with people, right? So he didn't know how in that regards how to defend himself other than words and words only goes so far when you're dealing with a warrior culture so it makes sense so Fast-forward to now Years later I'm coaching people to get ready to go into training One of the guys who I've been coaching now is out going through seal training and I'm out now and I'm you know training You know the civilian population training law enforcement all this stuff I get this guy ready or assist him in getting ready to go through the seal training. He gets out there He starts running into the same problem dude's amazing athlete Freakin jacked and He gets out there. He was homeschooled soft-spoken Right and these guys start going. There's something off here in the way this guy communicates Possibly just his normal demeanor possibly not having that social interaction from being homeschooled and not really getting You know hands on all itself came from a good Christian family, right? I'm not downplaying that or anything like that, but what happens is these guys start Putting little jabs at him and he keeps brushing it off brushing off and he doesn't address it till I guess to the point We're not it's now a real issue So he calls me up. He's like dude rich like this is what I'm running into You know, I just thought it was gonna be different like these guys like I'm doing all the physical stuff Like my run times are good. My swims are good. I put out, you know, I You know, I'm a team player But these guys just won't let off and it's getting like really personal like these guys are starting to talk about like You know, if I make it through the training or if my my he was like engaged or he had like a serious girlfriend at the time And the dudes are talking about like if his girlfriend comes out that they're gonna steal his girl and the one dude's like Yeah, man, I'm gonna bang your girlfriend when she comes out here show what a real man is and all this stuff I'm like, dude, we can't let people talk to you like that And then I went back to 19 year old rich and I'm like I have some advice for you, right? So I'm like, hey, dude Check it out This is what you need to do Next time he says that to you, right? Just punch him right in the face In fact, don't even let him finish his sentence Just punch him straight in the face He's never gonna see it coming because you've never stood up for yourself before right and he's like, yeah, you think I should do that I was like, I think so. He's like, I don't want to get in trouble. I'm like Do you think the instructors are gonna get mad at you when when he says that this guy says he's gonna steal your girl and sleep with her when she comes out like If he's saying that kind of stuff to you, you think the instructors are gonna side with him when you say That's bullshit and you punch him in the face. I don't think they will you know I mean, I don't think they're gonna get mad at you They might make you do push-ups or something, but I don't think you get kicked out of training for that You know, I mean that doesn't seem fair to me and he's like, all right Literally this is like that night literally the next morning. I got a text message. Dude. Can you talk? I'm like, yeah, man. I call him. He's like, hey, I think I might be in trouble I'm like what happened? He's like so that guy I was telling you about he started saying something about my girlfriend again I took your advice. He's like before he finishes sentence. I punched him right in the face. I think I broke his nose. I was like, oh Wow, that was really quick. I wasn't really expecting that phone call to come already. I'm like shit. I hope this is a good advice You know, so I'm like, all right. Well, what happened? He's like everyone just stood there in shock and no one knew what to do and I'm like, yeah Sweet he's like but then then the instructors came over and they like split us up or whatever right and the thing was like More to my advice when I told him that I was like you should just punch him in the face and Then I suggest punching his best friends in the face, too Right, so he didn't do that part But I was like, this is what you really need to do, right? Don't stop with just him because his friends might try to defend him, right? But this is the thing he's doing it to impress his friends So if you punch his friends in the face Then they're not going to be the ones to instigate it and antagonize right, you know And if it's just him he probably won't do it by himself because he has no crowd to get you know He's taking your He's taking the the the act of humiliating you to build up his ego and self-esteem through his peers Right, so if you take away the peers There's a very low likelihood that he's still gonna bully you, you know what I mean and I remember Experiencing that we talked that story, you know with the stick when those dudes came to jump me, right? That's a whole separate topic, but we like 17 kids who came to jump me one time and it just happened to be I was sitting out in front of my house And I had one of those Cali like those stick fighting sticks, right? And I was like doing the the shin conditioning, right and it just happened to be Thank God I had that in my hand when these kids showed up So like these 17 kids came and it was the same kind of concept The one dude who came running up who was like the ringleader of these dudes he came run up to me I'm like dude you got I'm not playing this game and Long story short I whacked the kid across the head with the stick and then it all was other friends Like two of them tried to grab me and I hit the other two kids with that stick fighting stick and then the other Like 14 kids all became like really apprehensive and then no one wanted to fight anymore Right, and then I got in trouble, but so don't do that, but the point of the fact is The when my buddy did this Right, and I don't give this advice to like hey if you're in the mall And someone says something to you to walk up and punch him in the face. This is a very specific environment, right and in this environment though the the point here is That dude who is bullying my friend Right when he punched him Everyone was like whoa Right, we didn't see that coming and no one knew what to do and then when he like Moved at the other guys. They all backed up like dude. I don't want to get punched in the face Right, so when he called me the next day is like dude. I might be in trouble. What should I do now? I'm like all right. Here's what you do the next time They go to say something to you punch him in the face again But more importantly punch their friends to you got to make sure you punch your friends and he's like really I was like dude I'm just telling you right and two days later the group came and they called him out and the dude who got who is the main bully wanted to rematch now this dude was like a collegiate wrestler, so He basically calls him out when my buddy is in like the break room watching TV You know having a coffee and they come in and shut the doors and they basically circle him up and The dude wants to rematch because he thinks he got sucker punched which maybe he did but he's the bully so I don't really think it counts so the they then proceed to make my friend fight this dude in Basically an all-out brawl minus punching each other in the face because they're gonna be ethical about it, right? Again aggression without emotion. This dude's got a safe face Now what happens is they get in this wrestling match and my friend obviously Wrestling a collegiate wrestler doesn't win But at this point it doesn't matter. It was never about winning the fight Just like we're talking about the gentleman who stepped into the ring and did the boxing match It wasn't about whether my buddy won the fight or not It was are you willing to fight and are you willing to stand up for yourself? Okay, so after this all the bullshit stopped, right? You're like, yeah, that's right. You mess with me, right? and it's like okay and The next day It's just like okay You can say something about my girlfriend if you want how many times would you like to get punched in the face? Before you find someone else to run your mouth to Right so all that stopped and that's what I was trying to Translate to my other friend when we were there at 19 years old going through the training. I was like dude I've seen this before Sometimes you just got a hit a dude in the head with a coffee. No, I'm just kidding. Don't do that, right? Tons of bad advice this morning but That warrior spirit people need to know that you're willing to fight and you have to be comfortable in The fact that you will stick up for yourself, okay now If you take this and go how do I actually use this rich because I'm not gonna walk around the mall and go punch people in the face I'm gonna get sued. I'm gonna go to jail. That's not what I'm recommending. I'm talking about the mentality I'm talking about understanding yourself worth and defending yourself against people. We're trying to tear you down, right? So just by the sheer fact of going to something like a mixed martial arts gym Getting in and working with people whether you're doing jujitsu or Thai box or anything like that where you can actually start Getting hands-on with other people really stress through, you know Violent movement right aggressive movement, right like powerlifting is aggressive movement. That's a violent movement Right, that's why I love some of these if you follow some more fitness stuff I love some of this stuff like the supplest ball because you just take this thing You guys probably have no idea what the hell I'm talking about There's a piece of exercise equipment. You just like slam it right and it's so it feels so good just to like Smash this thing, you know, I mean our guys using like sledgehammer and like smashing the tire or you have an axe and you're splitting wood There's just something very Stress relieving about doing those it but through that you feel more confident at the end than just doing static lifting Right all of my fitness routines Growing up because I very quickly realized I wasn't going to be big Everything was geared toward Does this put me in a better position to smash someone or not? Does this make me a better fight or not? If this doesn't make me a better fighter What's the point of doing it? My body will be sculpted the way it is based on my ability to fight right If my one muscle group is more developed than another so be it I don't care about my actual physique I want results and the results that I want is when I stand in front of another man And we go hand-to-hand or multiple men that I can fight better, right? And I will have confidence from that I don't have confidence from looking in the mirror In fact the gym at my house right out at our rash. There is no mirrors in my gym Because it's not about what we look like it's about being effective. Does that make sense? so As we look at this We want to be able to put ourselves in one of those positions like one of these gyms where we start to build that confidence, right? Because we want to know That we have that ability to defend ourselves when we talk about providing and protecting Protecting is one of those crucial things that you know makes a man a man, you know Subconsciously right at our at our DNA level, right? We're providers and protectors protecting is a big part of it Okay, when we go into this as far as The psychological side and the spiritual side We have to understand that this is also a fight Okay Well, let me rewind real quick and get a grab a sip of water real quick, but By going through these gyms and things like that we can start to develop ourselves one thing I wanted to point out on that You take a lot of kids Who have no direction and they've been in a lot of bad situations and maybe they got their ass kicked or abused or whatever as children? Kind of like the situation That I was in and what happens is you have all this energy that has no direction Most of the most violent people you know, right or will come across are the most insecure people you know The more confident you get in your ability. It's a it's a interesting dynamic the less violent Right, or I shouldn't say the word violent the less emotional your violence is When I start if you take a kid and you put him into like back in a day It was like karate classes now. It's like MMA classes If you put the kid in the MMA class Or if you yourself The better you become at fighting in the more time you spend in front of another man Battling it out fighting and earning each other's respect and at the end of it, right? Whether you win or lost you sit up and you just like shake hands like dude That was a good fucking fight, you know, maybe you got like a look like blood on your lip. You're like You got me good on that one, you know what I mean? I remember I've been tie boxing with dudes and got need in the face My front tooth was sideways and we had to pop it back in I couldn't shut my mouth because my tooth was sideways I probably should have been wearing a mouthpiece, right? and Went to the dentist and I couldn't shut my mouth and they like they popped it back had to grind my tooth so my My jaw would fit right so my teeth weren't hitting and you look at your buddy like dude That was a good shot. Like you really snuck that one in on me, you know what I mean? But you start becoming comfortable in that you can have those conversations not all this emotion attached to it, right? Those people who run their mouth and are very quick To get triggered or very quick to have these big blowouts the lot of that's coming out of insecurity Someone who's confident doesn't get easily triggered Right the more confident you become the more time you spend in that environment the less likely you are to have to Feel the need to prove yourself Because you just know that you have the capability there, right? So in this you build your own confidence your own self-worth and it puts you in a position of stability Right people look to leaders for stability People don't look to leaders that are freaking out and are constantly in like this Damage control, you know freak out emotional response every time something Doesn't go their way Right people want to follow stable Consistent leaders one aspect of it just because we're talking about the physical side is We have to have people who are calm and collected under stress The only way you do that is by putting yourself in stressful situations and learning how to mitigate that becoming comfortable in that environment And becoming productive in that environment and not having emotional responses, right? I talk about it that we want to be warriors not warriors, right? We want to be proactive not reactive Okay now as far as the spiritual side and the psychological side on Again, these are two different ways they can be very similar in nature the main thing with the the spiritual side is this is coming from internal the the Psychological side can very easily be internal also But a lot of times that might be someone else trying to manipulate you and attack you in that kind of way So let's talk about a hybrid of these right So in the seal training one of the things that they do is they put you in cold water for really long amounts of time Right and they put you in there So you get hypothermia and once you get hypothermia they pull you out They put a space blanket on you get your temperature back up to where your organs aren't going to shut down And what do they do they throw you back in the cold water a Lot of the people who you talk to say yeah, man. I want to be a seal. I want to do that, but Cold water stuff's just not for me And I watched a lot of people leave and quit because of the cold water and I always found this to be a very interesting thing Because of all the different Challenges they had us do carry logs run with the boats on our head. We I remember this one time This really sucked right we got in trouble And they had us jump in the ocean Right they had us take our wetsuits off. We're getting ready to a swim. We got in trouble They had us take our wetsuits off we jumped in the ocean They had us come out wet roll around in the sand like a shake and bake sugar cookie right put our wetsuits back on covered in sand and they took us for like a seven mile run and Everyone was just completely chafed like that was Very very painful right But the cold water All you have to do is just sit there Neck deep and just sit there and just enjoy being miserable That's it and most people quit they can't just sit there and freeze Let's think about that only thing that you have going on is the battle in your mind at that point It's very very low physically Exertion, you know like you just sit there and just be miserable and that comes into that The warrior mentality of the battle is against my mind Right, I recommend for people who are trying to train to go into the military or They have things going on in their life and they have Certain issues and they need they're they're looking to the wrong things to find that you know Emotional release or guidance or whatever And I'll tell people all the time like hey, dude. You should go for a run And like I hate running. I'm like, yeah, that's why you should go for a run You know what I mean? And they're like, oh, well, you know sometimes when I go for a run I like to blast my music and get hyped up. I'm like great point Don't bring your headphones Leave your phone in your headphones and they're like, but I need that music. I'm like That's why I'm saying leave your phone in your headphone leave it Go run Listen to your breath and listen to all the stuff that's rattling on your in your mind Take it under consideration. What are the thoughts that are coming into your mind? Why are you thinking those? We need that time to reflect in our thoughts We need that time to build ourselves Okay running is hard, but the most Hard part about running is the mental aspect of going this is stupid. I just want to stop I feel uncomfortable my lungs hurt my heart's pounding, right? You're saying all this stuff my feet hurt my shins hurt. This is stupid. I'm not gonna run from people, right? I remember talking with the guys and their attitude going through the seal training was like I'm going to fight guys. I'm never gonna run away. And I'm like my attitude was I'm not running from anyone. I'm chasing people. I'm chasing motherfuckers down You're talking about running away. You see this is running away. I see this is chasing someone down I'm running in the group and I see the dude in front of me and I'm like I watch his back And I'm like I'm coming for you right and I run and run and then I get to him I'm like got you and I look at the next dude It's a different mentality. I'm fighting my way through the run that is a battle No different than the battle if I'm on the mat with another man But that battle is with my mind Right because everything in my mind is telling me hey, dude. This is stupid. We should just stop Okay, it's very important for us to have these because what happens when I don't stop I Then build my own self-worth So the other day my buddy Mike's here in the front. He works with us the other day we've been running unlike This isn't for a pity party, but we've been running on like three to four hours of sleep on Average for like the last of a month and a half straight because our work schedule has been so crazy Right and the other day it was I said to Mike. I really didn't feel like going for a run So this is what I did. I said to Mike. I was like, hey dude. Yeah, man I'm gonna get up early tomorrow like 5 30 before the clients get here. I'm gonna go for a run He's like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna do that Right and not that this is a big deal But this is one of the things I'm saying for you guys just as something to help you something you can do by me saying that Right to Mike now what happens is I've now made an obligation for myself But I've verbalized that obligation. I said it to myself. I'm gonna do this But if I don't do it right no one knows and I can just lie to everyone Right, I wake up in the morning and I see the clients come in the clients don't know that I had said to myself I'm gonna go run in the morning Right, but now what I do is I verbalize it to Mike and go. Hey, dude. I'm gonna. I'm gonna run tomorrow and he's like, yeah And I'm like fuck what I tell him like that, you know, that's what I'm thinking in my head like damn it, you know But I did it on purpose. So what happens is in that morning if I don't run Mike's gonna go. Hey, dude, you run this morning. Oh, dude. I just hit snooze. I was so tired from the other day, right? Would he judge me on it? I don't know But what happens is Mike's gonna go well rich said he was gonna do it and he didn't did I earn respect or lose respect? Even if it's just a little bit. I lost respect, right? So in this that I look if I know that Mike lost respect for me that I gained respect for myself or lose respect for myself Right I lost respect It's important for us to put ourselves in these situations to hold ourselves accountable in this mental fight that we have going on every day If I say something I need to follow through and do it, right? I voice it out and make it public knowledge now that holds me accountable to do it and when I hold myself accountable I build my own self-worth It's a very simple exercise that can help you one of the things you can do if you want to build that mental toughness if you Want to battle this this mind game that's going on a very simple one, right? You're not gonna like this idea, but I challenge you to try it, right? It's very very simple again What I don't know what it is about cold water, but we just hate cold water So this is what I'm gonna challenge you to do if this is a mental game Next time you go to take a shower Don't do this and turn the shower water on and stand outside the shower and do one of these like Just like wait for it to get warm Going to the shower Stand right in front of the nozzle and try not to flinch We're gonna go here. I'm gonna give my stopwatch. I'm gonna do one minute I'm gonna turn the shower nozzle on to as cold as it goes And I'm gonna stand right when that cold water comes out of the nozzle I'm just gonna stand right in it and just suck it up and just enjoy the moment of being cold Right, you're like that's silly. Yeah, watch when you do it watch how much you flinch, right? Watch that just think pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head, right? I'll do this is so stupid riches an idiot. This is no one does this. This is stupid. Why would I do this, right? You're gonna come up with 50 reasons why you shouldn't stay in front of that cold water But all those reasons that whole mental ping-pong for doing something is that simple is exactly why you need to be in there and doing it right when you start building up that Self-worth with you in your mind and doing little small challenges little small fights, right? Set small goals and achieve them But don't just set goals and keep them secret set goals and tell people about it. Now it holds you accountable Right. I remember my buddy had reached out to me after I got out of the Navy right and People will continue to tear you down When they don't believe that they can do something They don't want you to do it because it makes them look bad. Would you agree to that? You ever hear that saying like crabs in the crabs in a bucket thing, right? If you haven't heard it It's like if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and one crab tries to climb out of the bucket All the other ones like get the hell back in here and they grab them they yank them back in the bucket They like misery loves company. We're all gonna suffer in this bucket together, right? So I have to the seal training and I get out my buddy who I went to high school with was like man, dude I did my time in the Navy. He was a Submariner. He's like, I just don't feel like I had that proving ground that you had You know what I mean? I just don't feel like I I really accomplished or ever got to challenge myself and Earned my own respect like you did going through the seal training like well Shawn. What do you want to do? What are you thinking man? What what what is something that would make you feel like you could challenge yourself and earn your own? respect he's like I Don't know maybe Something I've always wanted to do but I was always too scared to do is to ride a bicycle across country And I was like what's fucking ride a bicycle across country then, right? And he's like Yeah, you would do that and my buddy James got suckered in because he was sitting next to us I remember I hit James on the shoulder like James Shawn and I ride on bicycles across country you come in and he's like Shit yeah, why not so next you know James gets roped in and then I remember the the lady because we were at a bar the the person at the bartender I'm like hey guess what we're gonna ride bicycles across country and then now Shawn's getting like You know like oh shit like I didn't really think that they were gonna agree to this I thought they're gonna tell me that this was stupid. You know what I mean? But now we're verbalizing it now. We're committing We start telling everyone We're gonna ride bicycles across country. I remember going to cycling shops. Hey man We're gonna ride bicycles across country What do we need? What kind of gear do we need? And they're like, oh man, how long you've been cycling for? Well, I've never been on a road bike so The first thing we need is a road bike and they're like hold on you've never ridden a road bike And you're gonna ride a bicycle across country. You can't do that. I'm like, why can't I do it? You're like because you need like years experience. You need time on the bike and I'm like, yeah, it's a bike Why don't we just get on it and ride? You're like, no, you can't do that. No, you can't do that like these people they've been cycling for years These guys do a hundred mile rides century rides and they haven't ridden across country. I was like Well, the fact that they didn't have the balls to ride across country. How does that? What does that mean to me? I didn't say I'm trying to set a land speed record I just said shut my buddy Sean needs to ride across country and James and I are going with him So what's the gear we need? Right even the friends who I had Who knew that I made it through the seal training right here. It's like, oh man rich you can do whatever you want You're a fucking Navy seal, right? I go tell my same friends, right? Hey, we're gonna go ride bicycles across country like dude. I know you're a seal and all But that's a really big undertaking like you're not even a cyclist and it's that same shit, right? that Psychological warfare of casting fear in doubt into everything that I do Because they can't visualize themselves doing it so they don't want to they can't visualize me doing it. Does that make sense? Right, I just go it's a fucking bicycle We're gonna ride 60 miles we'll ride a few hours a day We'll lay on the side of the road. We'll eat a fucking cliff bar and we'll go ride the bicycle like why is this so hard, right? Now we get to San Diego's we went from San Diego to Virginia Beach and we and like most of my ideas That I very soon go why the hell did I come up with this or like how did I get us into this? Why did I agree to this right? You start playing that? Psychological warfare on yourself again because we start in San Diego and ride to Virginia Beach So it's like roughly three thousand miles In the first day the first three days is riding from sea level up through the mountains In California coming over that huge mountain range, right? So then drop back down to like Arizona and out into the desert, right? So the We're just I remember we rode like the first like 35 miles We rode all day the first day in like the highest gear and your legs are just going like this And you're going like two miles an hour up the hill, you know what I mean? And we rode all day and made it like 30 miles 35 miles and we're just looking at each other like dude What the fuck did we get ourselves into? We're not cyclists. Why are we doing this? You know I mean, but at this point we told so many damn people that we were riding bicycles across the fucking country And we're already out there. So we're doing it, right? And we did it and it was an awesome experience and every day that we Didn't quit and we were still on the bike We earned our own self-respect and we felt strong about ourselves, but every day was a fight Right and this fight wasn't physically like two men smashing each other, right? This fight was a subconscious one about going. This is so stupid. Why am I doing this? Right and the whole point of doing it is to earn your own damn self-respect That's what Shawn needed and that's what we were there for Right and James and I were earning our own self-respect alongside of Shawn as we helped Shawn You know do this endeavor, right? And it wind up being like one of the greatest experiences of all our lives getting to see the country at 15 miles an hour Our ass is really hurt from those fucking seats, right? And our necks and elbows like it was painful, but it was extremely rewarding at the same time Now we have people in our lives That will attack us right and do this psychological warfare on us and sometimes that we're talking about You know many times in this conference we're talking about women in the psychological warfare of those relationships and all that stuff and being manipulated and And other things of that nature I'm not going to go so deep into that because the other speakers have have spoke into that and there's many great books in The back that can touch on that in way more depth than I ever could, right? But we have to realize that we're constantly training people how they should treat us by us not responding and allowing people to get away with treating us a certain way we are training them What we find acceptable on how we allow ourselves to be treated, right? But how we're allowing people to treat us as a direct reflection of our own self-worth and And if people don't if we don't feel confident we don't have self-respect for ourselves No one else going to have it for us. We need to respect ourselves first if we want other people to respect us Does it make sense? on a cycle on a on a spiritual level right One of the things we have to be careful of is this I believe is Elliot was talking about the angel and the devil on your shoulders or whatever and That internal conflict so a lot of times the spiritual warfare comes down to Where we're talking about psychological is you know, can I do this fear and doubt? You know self doubt self-worth all this kind of stuff manipulation where the spiritual warfare a lot of times comes into a moral judgment calls Right is this is this right? Should I be doing this or should I not be doing this and There's a pattern to this that once we start to recognize so with the spiritual warfare This is important in the military aspect of this when we're teaching our active shooter response training One of the first things we have to do Right is to locate the threat If I can't locate the threat What the hell am I gonna do? I don't know where to run. I don't know where to move to I don't know How to fight back if I can't locate where the attack is coming from? That is one of the reasons why our special forces community is so freakin effective is because we have what piece of equipment Anyone come on you guys know this What's that? night vision No one else can see anything But we have night vision and you're just walking around you're like do do do do I can see you but you can't see me How are you supposed to aim and fight back if you have no idea where we are? right, so on a spiritual aspect if We don't know where the attack is coming from. How can we even have a game plan to fight back? The second thing in our active shooter that we talk about is we have to identify. Well, what is the threat? Okay, if someone's trying to attack me with a knife My response might be different than if they're gonna try to shoot me might be different And if they have a bomb right because each one of those weapons has a different capability and my response Plan my action plan in response to that method of attack is different based on what the Capability is of that weapon system. Does that make sense? So if I don't understand how I'm being attacked or what is the attack How can I even have a remote chance of fighting back against it if I have anybody identified? Well, how am I being attacked in the first place? right So I need to identify and I need to locate where the threat is coming from on a spiritual level Okay, what happens is this there's a there's a system in place and once we realize this we can start to identify it And we go ha not today Satan, you know what I mean because what's gonna happen is first thing have In generally speaking right? There's there's other ways that can work, but generally speaking we get tempted Hey, man Here's Here's the fruit Right. There's all these trees. We can talk about the garden. Here's this this one tree and here's this fruit This fruit is really good you have all that other stuff, but this is the one that you should probably have They don't want you to have this because if you eat this you'll be like them And they don't want you to be like them, and you're like fuck man do that sounds like a really good piece of fruit I kind of want to be godlike like dude. Let me just get some of that fruit, you know Forget all this other fruit over here. That's completely good for me to have I want this one because I'm not allowed to have it right kind of like human nature, but so now I want this fruit and then it comes in with Dude, you totally deserve that fruit That fruit's that you deserve that fruit. You're like, yeah, you know, I kind of do deserve that fruit You know, I'm pretty cool You know why are they get to have all this other fruit and this one I can't have because anyone you know what I mean so you start having this this little dialogue going on and Then what happens is? after the temptation right They convince you right the devil convinced you that I should act on this So you get tempted and then you act in the act is Where we have that fall, but but for what happens to us is this I Act and then as soon as I act then comes the attack I Can't believe you fucking ate that fruit Dude you had all that other fruit you could eat that was the one you weren't supposed to eat and you ate the one God said don't eat that one and you ate that why would you do that? And you're like, but I thought I thought this was the good idea Like you had just said to me that this was the good idea I should have this because you know, I would be like them and they're like dude. I Didn't think you were really gonna eat the fucking fruit You know, I was just kind of saying like it would be cool if you eat that you kind of be like God He doesn't want you to have that one But if you did but I didn't think you're really gonna eat it and you're like now you're sitting there You're kind of confused and you're like oh But isn't that what you wanted? I thought that's what we agreed on thought we're in the truss tree you know what I mean like and From there then what happens is That's the assault. That's the attack on you Then comes in agreement You go. I can't believe I just ate this fruit. Oh my god. I am a piece of shit. I Am such a piece of shit. I can't believe I just ate this fucking fruit, right? And once you agree then what do you do? You start to build the lie Dude, I Need to hide this and someone comes in like hey, do you want me to that apple that was on the tree? I don't know what apple I didn't see any apples. Did you see apples? I didn't see any apples There was no apples on that that I was even hanging out to that and then touch the apple He's like I'd never said you touch the apple. Yeah, I know said it goes. There was no apple and I start lying Right because I now feel guilt because I've been shamed, right and then from the lie then comes the hook and the hook is where the Once I'm in this position. It's easier for the devil to then take control over other aspects of my life Because then comes in the shame, right? He goes if they ever knew what you did They would all leave you If they had any idea how much of a piece of shit you are They wouldn't want to be your friend anymore. No one would ever love you if they really knew who you truly were And then that next attack comes in does that make sense, right? And it's a vicious cycle But if we don't understand how that Psychological and that spiritual warfare works if we don't understand that game plan Right when we get hit with that temptation if we don't go ooh And they go whoa, whoa, whoa. I see what you're doing and that's bullshit I'm not going to act on that temptation, right? And the ones that I have acted on right and we basically the way we had explained it was basically like a vision like The devil had thrown like a fucking grappling hook out with a rope on it And he's got you hooked and you got this hook going through your skin He's got the string and he's holding it back and at first you got like one string pulling on you But once you go into agreement and you lie Right and you have that shame and you agree man. I am a piece of shit. Yeah, you are right When that next attack comes in that next temptation comes in you're much more likely to get Caught by it. So next thing you go, you know, they're hooking you then you got another hook in you and next thing You know, you've you're caught in so many strongholds, right? That you become ineffective and your life starts to shut down and implode on itself because you're spiritually and Psychologically caught in so many strongholds. You don't know how to truly navigate life in an effective and efficient way Does that make sense? So from here once we can start to identify that Then we can figure out how to sever those ties and sever those lines of communication to the devil If you want to if you want to look at it in a different way, that's fine, right? But just visualize that with me and I once I Realize what this attack is right and the stronghold that I'm now bound to if I can sever that line and Break away from that and free this arm. You know I mean I can now start to work through that Maybe that's through parabarinus through forgiveness having grace with yourself. Maybe that's through Different avenues, but when I start to sever these ties The main thing is I can start to free myself and as I see the next attack coming in from a spiritual level Challenging my ethics challenging my morals, right from that I can now start to identify it ahead of time and go no no no no and Before the hook can ever set I'm out of the way and I avoid putting myself into that position does that make sense? So again, let's just recap real quick. We talked about the physical Right, we need to be strong physically. We need to be comfortable. We need to build our confidence as men Don't go out and punch random people in the face It was a story to showcase standing up for yourself. Okay But I would recommend being part of a martial arts gym or something like that Where you can get in there and work with other people and build your confidence and in your ability to defend yourself, right? next thing we're talking about is the Psychological right set goals reach goals tell other people about your goals and hold yourself accountable Have friends hold you accountable if you need to in the beginning set small goals They don't have to be a big deal. Hey, man, I'm gonna wake up at 530 and go for a run It doesn't matter how far the run is the fact that you got up at 530 before work and did your run Right, you can do a little mental challenges like we were talking about with the cold water and things like that The last one is the spiritual warfare, right? be aware of Things that challenge your morals and your ethics and don't buy into the bullshit Right build yourself confidence in yourself worth through these three areas and you in return We'll gain more respect as a man, and you'll have more respect for yourself. So with that I've Talked for quite a bit of time We'll open up for if there's any couple questions if you guys want I appreciate that if there's any questions You want to do real quick. I think we have a few more minutes If anyone has any questions Hey rich great speech. Do you have your own criteria on How to tell if a martial arts gym is legit or not? A few things that I look at it for a martial arts gym, right? I look at who are the coaches Okay, and it doesn't always have to be if they're a world champ or not, right? There's a lot of guys from my community who are amazing Operators amazing seals and special forces guys But when it comes to them working with the individual to teach them how to to shoot or do something like that, right? Maybe the communication isn't isn't the best. There's a lot of martial arts coaches who are amazing Fighters, but when it comes to being a coach, right? They get too frustrated or they become very insecure and inclusive with their training program What I like to look for is a coach that allows me to freedom to not only train at their gym But also to train at other gyms and train with other people so I can get different experiences, right? Some people guilt and shame you and try to lock you into only being able to train with them And it's their way or the highway, right? I like to be able to move around and I'll always come back to that one main gym that I have that one main coach But I need to be in front of different types of people to get different experiences I need to be in front of other types of fighters so I can see different movement patterns and different movement styles Does it make sense and when you find a coach like that that will give you that freedom Then what you realize is they have my best interest in mind. It's not about them. It's about me Right. I'm speaking on behalf of being the client or the student, right? So we want to know that that coach has our best interest in mind, right? Will we seek out a good gym or a good coach to guide us through martial arts? Hello, Rick. Great speech. Thank you. Appreciate it Within the fight either MMA or any type of martial arts, how can we control our emotions when we lose in a fight or constantly lose it? Okay, so the question was how can we control our emotions if we win or we lose the fight one of that is going to have More time doing it, but the other aspect of it is well, what is my goal in fighting anyway? Right when I step into the ring I'm challenging myself. So the the thing it's funny you asked that because my original talk was going to be The value in the struggle, right finding the value in the struggle. I Learned more when I get my ass kicked than I do when I win if I walk in and I'm I've been in a street fight before where I was face-to-face with this dude and You know as we were pushing and shoving I just went here I went boom when I caught him with an elbow and just knocked him out cold and I was just standing there. I was like, huh That worked well, but I didn't really learn anything Okay, elbow catch a dude with a cheap shot elbow you knock him out Like I didn't really learn anything the fights that I got my ass kicked or I got jumped, right? Or the the ones that were like a real big brawl or you know the dude picked me up because me trying to pick up I remember one time I got a fight with this guy who was way bigger than me, right? And I tried to shoot in because he was actually taking me and he was like slamming me into a wall And I'm like this isn't working So I went to grab his legs and he just literally picked me up by my waist because I'm small held me upside down and just like slam me on my head and I was like well that didn't work You know what I mean? So now I know better if I go up against the dude who's really big and strong Don't try to just grab him around his legs because I'm probably just gonna get picked up and dropped on my head Right. I need to find a better game plan. So if my goal in fighting is to learn about myself And to put myself in in the experience to where again I can earn my own respect where I can challenge myself against another man, right where we can smash each other Right, but it's not emotional. I'm there to grow myself So the goal is to win and I want to win, right? But at the same time I'm there to learn and gain from the experience So for me, it's more about the process. It's more about the experience than the exact results of that And it's not an emotional response because the for me to do the fight in the beginning wasn't necessarily an emotional thing It was a personal growth thing That helps That's all the time we have guys. All right. Give it up rich Graham. Thank you guys