 This week's episode is sponsored by Change. Change is an online mentoring program that teaches people with no experience how to create a real profitable online business and e-commerce. I have been working with Ryan at Change for a few years now and attended many events and got to meet the amazing community of like-minded people. These guys are the best of the best. The support these guys offer is personal, no bots or employees. There's no experience needed but like anything in life it takes time as it's a real business with real results. For more information go check out Ryan on Instagram at RyanGybe and he will guide you through the steps to help build a successful business. You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live. My first blowjob was a double blowjob. I like to run porn. I like having sex and I like having sex for money. It's the best of both worlds. You can put it together but my ex-boyfriends they always end up being like porn addicts and they like me with multiple men. It's quite a strange thing but they won't admit that at the beginning. Then they always show me only fans after. That's fucking creepy innit? What happens if he's an ugly bastard? Oh fuck loads of those. What's the most mania fad than I do? I do. Hold on let me just think. I've not done anything obscene. I think four. Yes. That's not a sense of this. You're like culture. Fucking kid on four. Hold on let me make sure. Oh no don't start to ten. Me, Sophie and Rebecca did something. Can you get four and ten mixed up? Are you my sexual yourself? No I'm gay for a pair. Bim, we're on. We're on. That's nice and fast, couldn't you see? Today's guest, we've got porn stars saying a day. How are you? How was the journey? Do you know what it is? It's actually gorgeous, like the scenery when you're going up all the snow and it's a little bit of the first sunset I think. So porn star, lonely fans, all the mad stuff. Everything. As you said that porn star on last week's real Brooklyn Blu, like mad stuff. I know, she lives so close to me you know. Do you know her? I don't know her, like as this isn't even for the start of me hearing her husband, we're going to have a little get together but just sometimes hard to work things out and you know, get the content sorted. Before we get into all the net of great, I always go back to the start of my guests where you grew up, how it all began. So from Darlington, quite a small town, it's very quiet, very good girl, until I got a little bit older then I think I'm a little bit off the rails. Yeah, not much to say about growing up. What age? What age? What age to go off the rails? I would say it's quite late, you know, about 15. That's young. You know what it is. I tell you what it was. I was very quiet, I was really shy and I sat on Tywalks and Lessons and that my first blow job was a double blow job with two guys from the Tywalks and so I went and they obviously, it's a very male heavy isn't it? I mean they were five years, they weren't older. And I got home with these two guys there and we were quite young, we were like, you know, 15 or whatever. Andrew just kind of experimented, they were like, go on, why don't you give it a little suck? This was like behind the session afterwards and so yeah, I mean it wasn't full escapades shall we say, but just a little. And I think that was it from then, I was a bit like, ooh, tension like this. You enjoyed that? Well yeah. All them two guys are doing well now. I do one you can do too aren't you? And then yeah, it's obviously then that and then you start again a little bit wilder don't you? A bit more promiscuous the teen years. How was your parents? I don't see much of my dad, but I do know him. Mum, yeah, she's fine, she's good. They weren't ideal when I started porn, she actually got a letter through the door when I first started because I was such like a good girl growing up, I was you know, very quiet, up to no trouble. I mean this was back in 2013 when I started, so the type just like on black male side, like you see in the movies, full of me, like a little sticking sex on top of the biggest cock you've ever seen. Reverse cowgirl, look at your little angel now look what she's up to. In fact, who does that? So something to say that to your mum? Yeah, posted it, I'd already told them. I first held them from LA. Hiya, I decided to do porn. What age did you get into porn? I was, I decided age 21 but I got into it at age 22. So I had a little thought process behind it. What's your thought process behind going to porn? Well as I say, I was doing religious studies at uni, I don't know if you know that. So I was at a Catholic uni, Leeds Trinity and I was just really promiscuous and an ex-boyfriend was like, listen, you need to calm yourself down. So it was a little bit of sex therapy, I wasn't really a fan of that and I thought, do you know what it is? I feel like I could monetise this slutty behaviour. I can't just be sleeping my way around and being doing this, that and the other. So I thought, do you know what, I bet you could get money out of it and the idea of porn can be quite glamorous, can't it? I mean, there's two sides of it. I've had a very privileged experience. So mine's been all good. So I thought, do you know what, I'm going to look into it. Also at that uni, I didn't like buying the cheap bread and the cheap Coca-Cola and all that stuff. I've always quite liked material things. So I decided to do a little bit of research. So I just googled how to be a porn star because I had no clue, I had no experience. I didn't watch porn. I didn't do anything like that. And everything I could find was USA based and I read this book by this girl. It was Jenny Flame upon them. It was actually quite a sad book, but it gave me a lot of experience and like how to charge the different rates, the different levels you can do. And then I found this YouTube interview with this agency. So I was like, amazing, I've got a message these. So I messaged this agency and I was like, hello, I'm UK based. What do you represent me? They were like, listen, get your visa. Get this sorted. Give us your stats. We'll have a Skype call with you and yeah, get yourself over where we go. So I was like, amazing. So I had to get these photographs taken and I met this guy. This guy said to me, how crazy is this? This guy goes to me, listen, you should film your own first porno. So if you ever get like famous, you can sell it on DVD. Obviously like only found us around then. So I was like, great idea. So I was like, do you know anyone I can film a porno? I've had my flights booked and that so from Heathrow. I hired this videographer, one eye Jack, and this guy who's actually from Newcastle as well. But I'd never done porn. So I didn't realize he needed an STI test. So I did it with a condom. And then yeah, we did that just before I flew to LA. So all these years later when only found us about, I've got my own first porno itself. What about the sex where they pissed off? What was that? That was in Leeds. That was just very brief. A bit of an older woman. What age were you? I was about 20. Why did you go there? I was a little bit promiscuous and I was with my ex-boyfriend. He was like, I think you've got a problem. You're very sexual. You've done a bit of a few questionable things. I think right now it just might have been. Okay. Gaslighting me a bit. Get a porno. So yeah. So 21 then you start. Was it an enjoyment for her? Or were you just trying to make money from it? No, I do. I enjoy it. I like doing porn. I like having sex. And I like having sex for money. It's very hard to explain to a civilian. That's what we call non-porn performers. It's not like, if me and you had sex now, it would be a completely different experience. You may go and have sex with a core worker. It's a performance. You don't really, obviously you're having fun and you're having a nice time, but that's actually the last thing you're thinking about is your own personal enjoyment. You're thinking, does this look good? Does this angle look good? Is there a map providing the right kind of character for what you're doing? Is there a map providing the right kind of character for what this porn movie wants? Because of my look, I'm very versatile performer. No tattoos, blonde boobs, not really overly plastic surgery. So I've done a lot of different types of porn. I've done lots of like nice porn, shall we call it? Like the nice vanilla stuff. And then I've done the hardcore stuff. And then I'm going to call it some miscellaneous strange porn. It's like all different varies of it. What's the worst one? Or did you enjoy them all? Do you know what it is, right? The worst one, I've only cried on set once and I was raging. I hated it. I had to walk out. You're going to laugh. It was so fucking boring and so long and so painful. It was cinematic erotica. No gagging, no spitting, no hard, got very sensual, very soft touching. Don't be porn star. It was on set for 20 hours and they sprayed you with this water. Don't get me wrong, the stuff comes out so fucking beautiful to look at. And it was the guys I get artists and it was just long. It was tiring. It's exhausting. It's like having one minute of really slow sex for 20 hours. And I was just like, I'm not doing this. But if I didn't finish it, the whole movie would have been fucked. So I finished it. I'm never working for you again. Have you ever been in love? Not on a porn set. Have you? What does a boyfriend say? He was a porn addict and a lunatic. My ex-boyfriends, they always end up being like porn addicts and they like me with multiple men. It's quite a strange, quite a strange thing. But they wouldn't admit that at the beginning. Then they always show me only fans after. That's fucking creepy. You look good with this black cock. Do you think that's the only people that can love you who not understands it but is kind of infatuated with that lifestyle? I think grown up, obviously, I've had a very toxic male role model. So I'm attracting that type of man because I know girls in the industry that are very loving husbands, very healthy relationships. So I think I'm attracting a certain type of guy and they're attracted to the fantasy. And then they get to know you and they see you've got like a softer side and nicer side and you've got like your other personality. Then they have conflicted issues as well. They're kind of like, hold on a second. I don't know. They're feeling protective of this nice side of you but then turned on and into this other side of you. It's quite a strange dynamic. I struggle with relationships. But like attracts like you're a mad bastard as well. Yeah, yeah. I think I'm a bit mad as well. I like toxic men. I love them. So bad. I don't want to get help with it just yet though. A few more years there's some toxic maniacs. Plenty out there for you anyway. I've got my Instagram. So you've done your first pawn all that. Were you nervous? Or were you excited? What's that bloody hell? I was nervous to have a clue what I was doing. So I've done as much experience as I could, right? Oh my God. It was like, I do pole dancing now. So now I can like move a little bit. But back then I hadn't. I was rigid. And it's my first ever pawn. There's like the good director, the bad director, good director, bad cop type of thing. And they go, we want you to dance for us. And I'm thinking, what? I did not sign up for this. And it's kind of like, dance, move your hips, do something. Meanwhile, we're going to have sex on this motorbike. The guy, I can't remember his name now, which is getting himself hard in the corner using corpous amounts of coconut oil. So I'm thinking, what on earth is going on? What have I signed up to? This is madness. But then after that, and it was done, you're like, oh, see, that wasn't as bad. It's just more like stage fright, I guess, on earth. And I've never been on set with that many people. You had lights, you had the boom. You know, you had a guy telling you to dance. You had a guy wanking in the corner with coconut oil. You had a fucking motorbike, you got a mount. Do you ever like rooms sometimes and think, what the fuck? What if I chose here in life? Yes. Listen, sometimes I sit there and think, what the fuck has gone on here? Why am I naked on the internet? And I'm not going to lie, I've done some questionable porno's. What's the worst one? Oh, you're going to die here. Necrophilia. I pretended to be dead. Oh, you can't do that. Grandpa does teens. Another one. How old? I mean, I wasn't a teen. They just labelled it that. I was like 24. But the other one, yeah, that was in LA. I was about 23. They were like, listen, we'll give you a double. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't bad on set. God, he was, I don't know. He's from Gary. He couldn't speak a word of fucking English. I was like, aye, aye. He had nice blue eyes. Got a focus on the good point. See, when you're doing ones like that, is that just for the money or for the frill of it? Oh, that was just for the money, that one. Like, sometimes I'd go away. Don't get me wrong. I would never do something I was really uncomfortable with. Even that one that I said while I had to play dead. Even that one. They treat you very well on set. And it's all very, like, professional. OK, I'd never do something that was, like, you know, I didn't feel comfortable with. I would do amateur guys for camera. What I do now for me only fans, but I didn't learn. Yeah, it's funny because years ago you'd be like, I'm not doing content. That guy just wants a free blowjob, a free shag, blah, blah, blah. And I would say deposit it right around. It's like, what a content. So if somebody just phones, I'd message you to do content as money there. Yeah. So I wouldn't do that. I'd go through age and it had to be big production, door sell, brasses, digital playground, fake taxi. It wouldn't ever, if a guy was like, hello, I do, I don't know, hollyjack.com. Do you want to be on my site? I would absolutely not. What did your mum say? Well, before she found out, everyone would find out. My mum had been very young. So she was a fairly young parent herself. She was probably, like, growing up at the same time as me, really. She had me almost, like, 18. So first she was like, oh, whatever makes you happy. Must be a big thing, you know, she's just going for a little thing. Then she realized everyone would find out. And she was like, what the fuck? You have a screw in the name. But they're all right now. Just the norm now, it's 10 years. That's a long time. I can't look around as well. How many porno have you done? Well, funnily, because I'm applying for that visa, I've had to look into things recently, and I've done a hell of a lot. I've probably done 150 actual, like, credited movies on the IMD. Is it IMDB? IMDB. IMD. Yeah, on that page. And then I've done, like, all the ones, like, after that little stock and fillers, shall we call them, that aren't really seen as actual movies. They're just pornos. Because some of the pornos, you know, you get a script on that. I hate them. What about the amateur stuff? I didn't used to do a lot of that. I do more of that now. Well, not amateur. Amateur for myself and a content creator. Like I say, I'm not just going to do it with... Jenga's more accepted now, though. Back in the day, it was kind of frowned upon. People were like... Yeah, it's still... The fucking women next door now are doing all my fun. Do you know what I mean? It's so mad because you go do fake taxi with John, who's a man of a certain age, who was the same type of caliber as a man that's asking you, but they don't have the following, the status that, you know, there's something that's going to build your career. Everything's a career move, really. Why is fake taxi so popular? That's like getting the stepping stone in it for every porn star in the UK. So many fake taxis. Is that it? I thought it was only one. But they do your Prague as well now. I think I've done seven. So there aren't many times they've got me in that taxi. Bloody hell, there aren't many times they'll forget me first. We've got him got engaged in one of them. People start thinking you're a fucking taxi driver the minute you've done. I know. Maybe I need to be the female one, female driver. What was fake taxi like the first time you've done it? That's quite amateurish, is it not? Yeah, that's the vibe. So, but it's got a hell of a following and it's a really good thing to get your, like, name out. Yeah, it was fine. It was all right. It was in London somewhere. Can't remember the first one. There ain't that many. Does it just become the norm now, just going to job to job and knowing what you're going to do? Yeah. It's mad when you're first doing it because it's such a strange experience to be walking to a set you won't know anyone. You're like, hello. I'm so-and-so, so-and-so. You're fully clothed. You know, you might have your makeup done or whatever. And then within an hour, you know, you're upside down with a cock in your mouth. As you do. Just an all-mode day on it. In Prague, I did this mad porno. It's called Box Truck. And the concept is you park your truck on the street and you can see into it. No, you can see out of the truck so you can see everyone going past. They can't see in, but it looks like you can. That was a mental want to do. And I hated the guy. I didn't find him sexy, but I always give someone a benefit out. I'll work with them once, see if we've got the chemistry, if not, no list. And he was just a little trog. And the people you're working for, they were just unprofessional, a bit demanding. It was quite poorly orchestrated. And at the end of it, there was me and another girl who set that date, and this was in Prague. So anyway, get this scene done even though I'm not enjoying it, but I'm thinking, listen, be professional, get it done, it's okay, make it look nice. Get the payment, it's in bloody check currency. So anyway, whatever, take it, go back. Oh my God, they got mine. The girl's payment's mixed up and I had a heart. I was like, ring the ear tonight. What the fuck? What happens if he's an ugly bastard? Oh, fuckload of those. No, do you know what it is, right? When you do a poem, it's not about the looks and you'll notice yourself from, do you watch porn? Used to, I don't anymore. Do you not anymore? Genuinely. Because it can be quite addictive, can it? It's damaging, it's damaging to the brain, nice. So, you might not have watched the most prettiest porn girls, but you might have watched a porn star that you really liked or a certain genre or whatever. So it's the same, when you're going and doing porn with a guy, he might not be the best looking guy, but if he's got a certain energy or character about him or he's got a certain status, then yeah, you'll have a really good scene and energy together, but you could work with a guy that looks like an absolute gorgeous dude and you might not be able to get it up. What's the most of your joiners and the porn industry? I think it depends actually on which country and where you're looking from. Milf, Milf's one of the biggest ones. People are now loving, like TikTok girls or OnlyFans girls, natural boobs, big boobs. It goes through phases really. What's the worst thing you've ever been asked to do? A scat. I won't do that. I'm not into that the slightest. Eating your own shit? Or anyone's. I don't do things like that. I don't like things like that and I block anyone that does things like that. Yeah, I've had some dominatrix on, man, and the shit that they've done. I don't find that sexy. I've got to still find it sexy to a degree. I like hardcore stuff. I'll do anal, I'll do DP. 100% I'm not doing anything to do with that. What do you enjoy the most? I like one-on-one, me and a boy, put your anal or DP's all right as well. It's just standard on that. But it's the best type. You've got the most chemistry, you can get the strongest scene. Who have you had the most chemistry with? I think my favourite guy today would be Max Mogasse. Where's he from? Spain. He's got to be... Sounds like a porn star, doesn't he? He's just great at what he does. He looks the part, he's big, he's jacked, he gets his dick up, he shags like you'd think a porn star would shag. But then there's loads going on, Manuel Ferreira, he was good, Danny D, he's great. I'm going to get Danny on, he's messing up a few things. Oh, you'll love Danny. Danny's good fun. I always have so much fun on set with him. Yeah. Because when you're not having sex, it's not like you're flirting and grabbing each other. You'll just be like messing on, really. He's silly. Do you think you've got into porn or do you think it's actually calmed you down? 100% calmed me down. Do you know what happens? You start it, you start doing like... I think Brooklyn actually mentions you're like porn, there's levels you do. And you save certain things like anal and DP to get more money out of it and create a longer career. So I did it differently too. I've done these things and there's no right or wrong way to do it. But I did first year, I did vaginal, second year, I started doing my first anal, then I went into DP, then I went into like gang bang, then I did like another genre. But I did it because I got offered it for a movie called Dorsal and it was a really big movie and it got me nominated for AVN award. So that's how I did it. But basically, once you've got all those stuff done and you've got your categories boxed off, you then got them, you can try all these fantasies if you like, all these different things you would never have tried. If I hadn't done porn, I'm probably not going to have gone and slept with like, got whipped down the street in Madrid, you know what I mean? For a kink.com scene or I might not have had like, God knows how many guys at a time or I might not have tried double anal. But then what happens is you try all these things and you realize the best kind of sex is one-on-one chemistry. And now, I've had only watched a lot of porn but I'll imagine them ahead. And now that things that turns me on the most is like kissing and four playing the idea. I'm like little silky dresses and the hands going up and it's mad. And all this crazy stuff but it's different for the consumer. You get harder and harder until you start liking madder and crazier stuff to get yourself off. So seeing you first, was it enjoyment at first and then it just becomes... You still enjoy it. Don't get me wrong. That's why I want to go on and do more this year because it's like a sense of achievement to know you've created a good product that people are going to... I know it sounds that because people are just fucking whanking to it. I mean, it's whanking that. It's hardly going to be a Nobel Prize but it's nice when you get nominated for the awards and you know you've created a good movie and you know you're recognising in your industry and the better companies you work for and I'll say Jules Jordan, Blacks, Digital Playground, the better type of performer you have and the more chemistry and the better the scene is. What's the most mean you've had than I do? In a day. Hold on, let me just think. I've not done anything obscene. I think four. Yeah. That's not offensive, is it? You're like Alan Sharp. Fucking Keddon, four and ten. Hold on, let me make sure... Oh no, no, it starts at ten. Me, Sophie and Rebecca did so much. How the fuck can you get four and ten mixed up? Because... Don't hold it back in those podcasts. Because Rebecca and Sophie and I did something for only fans but for actual porn the most is four. I think... I'm going to have a fan said to me, now it's not, you did this, this, this. Sophie. Legal porno. Yeah, Sophie. She's a mad bastard. Yeah, she's wild. She's got a gold though. Oh, the best. Yeah. Nice person. Like, like I say it's... People can judge in me, can make assumptions but she's still got a kind heart, kind soul in mine. Yeah, but everyone's up for everyone and you know, you just got to accept that or either video on TikTok that's a bloody to own TikTok. Yeah. They're vicious on there. I troll them back sometimes. I'll go back on their profile and troll them back. Why? It's negative. So what happened is I was wearing these ribbed leggings and they're seamless and it was just a daft video of me and Rebecca in the wheelchair. I like, I put my leg up and they put these comments on thinking first I didn't get it. I was like, what does this mean? This is when I realized how bloody perverted men are. The leggings look right. Like I've got a massive vagina. Shall we say it? Because the way they're like, I lift my leg up and it creaks, it creaks. Obviously anyone common sense would know that it'd be impossible for them to hang that low. They wouldn't even be able to sit there. But I was thinking, oh my God, the views and commentable. I was like, there's a clam. I was thinking, oh, for all the videos for people starting to view and go by, well, it had to be this one. Yeah. Views bring money, don't they? Just brings content. Just brings people. Well, luckily I've had a design of a vagina done. So that's all right. So I know that's not the case. How much was that? Well, it was only three and a half grand. I only had the outside done, not the inside. I asked them to check and they know we checked. Yeah. Stuck a finger in and went, it's all good. Sure it was a dog. No. Backstreet. It was a very good representation. So what is that? What do you call that? Design of a vagina. What is the design of a vagina? Well, what they do is they give you a little trim or they do what you want to your lips. You might want them a little bit tucked in. You might want a little reduction. You might want it off. They took the fat from my thighs and put it into the lips to give it what's called a cheeseburger effect. So a bit more of a rejuvenated look. How do you keep it? Rejuvenate. Yeah. If it's been hammered for years. If you think about it right, when you do in porn, there's actually not a lot of porn guys. You've been working with a lot of the same guys over and over again. So when I was doing a lot of porn, I was actually only sleeping with the same five men over and over again all year round. And I'd only be doing no more than like maybe a couple of weeks or maybe I'd go to four porn scenes in a week and have three weeks off. It's no more than having regular sex with a husband of 10 years daily. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, they're not doing it daily for 10 years. Yeah, once a week. But yeah, this way is to look after yourself. You can put little... You get little sashier things. You can put up to prevent things like BV. Girls can get things called BVs when your pH balance gets knocked off. Don't know. Yeah, you probably won't know about that. What else? Yeah. So how do you see the people in the industry? Because I've had many porn stars on, Dominatrix, some of their heads are fried, some of them are like, like Rebecca Man, like Brooklyn Spot On, she's seen quite on the path, man quite on the ball, that comes from a good family home. Like, you know yourself, usual suspects, the father, not the other daddy issues, starts off stripper, starts off escorting, fucking porn, and it's only fans. It's always saying kind of levels to that. Do you see that? A lot of broken souls. Listen, there's also, like every industry, there's privilege, certain people have privilege, and they're going to have a better experience. You know, if you're a gorgeous looking girl, you're probably going to have a better experience. If you're off a certain look, you're going to get a better experience. If you're from a better background where you can afford to give yourself a better start, you're going to have a better experience. If you don't struggle with addiction and things like that, you're going to have a better experience. But everyone's different. No one person's, I can say I've had a happy, positive experience. I treat it as a business. I've made good money. I still make good money. I can continue to make good money. Some people, they might necessarily, that doesn't mean they're not working as hard as me. And they could be nowhere near achieving what I am financially, or, you know, as an incentive of achievement, just because it's also a little bit of look, hard work and talent, isn't it? Why do you think you get such a bad rep? Why do porn stars kind of, I wouldn't say hatey don't, but the men love it. Even when they comment, even when I put the clip of Brooklyn out, it's just all men feel like they hate rage. You're going to just want to slag straight away. Why do you think you get such a bad rep? There's different ways of people thinking. And if a person thinks that way, no matter how many times you show them a different side to it, that's going to be their whole process. Remember, that's because that's what they've been taught through their whole life, whether that's their genuine, like how they feel in their soul about something like, for instance, it's kind of like, do you know some people are racist, and no matter how much you educate them, they're never not going to be a racist, even though you can try and try and try. I just think some people hate women. It's more women they hate, isn't it? Men don't get as much grief and porn, but they hate women making money off sexual exploitation when men have been doing it for years. How do people treat you when you're out and stuff, if they know who you are? Creepy? It's me and my friend who are out over Christmas, right, and she was met this guy she'd been seeing, and his pal was there, and I thought, I'd only had one drink, and I could see and recognise me, and I didn't really want to chat because, you know, you don't when you want to always chat about it, but I will be pleasant and stuff, obviously. You don't want to come across a cunt. But he was like just slowly standing more and more towards me, and I thought, I'm going to kill her. She's told him what I'd do and I was like, sweetening him up. No, she fucking had me. He recognised me off fake taxi. So, yeah, but usually they're fine, you know, they're really nice. I met one over Christmas, I was having selfies and shots with him and stared out with him for a little bit, a little fan. You know, off the sound, one seeming space to be the one time, can you imagine the clip I looked? He's like, can we have a selfie? I was like, yes. Oh, you haven't had that one? Far. Did you? But they're all sound ones, you know, I don't get a lot of hate, and if I do, it's like online hate. Yeah, you never get hate. But sometimes you reply to them, they're like, oh, I'm only joking. They just want to tend to back. Yeah. I think they're going to love some of them. People are weird, aren't they? Yeah, they are. And then they'll be like, they're buzzing, you've replied to them, and they're following you. You do only find as well now. Yeah. What sort of fetish is that? Weird shit, people went on that. Feet patches and shit. What is that? What is that with feet? One loves my belly button. What is that? I don't know. But the feet's normal. Feet's very normal fetish. Well, why is that? I love sucking your toes. I see people always posting stuff in their stories, but their DMs are like, thank you. One of my exes used to love wanking off and just sniffing my foot. He would come to sniffing my feet. Yeah, I've got a guy that loves me to vacuum like this, get a dildo and fuck my own belly button and go, you're fucking me so good, you're stabbing me in the belly. He's mad. And he sends me these mental videos. I can only do them when I'm quite slim because he likes the ribs and stuff. Sure. I'll show you some of the photos afterwards because he'd be like, what the hell? What do you think? Does that make you question men? No, it's just a fantasy fetish. It's just something in his brain that's making his, like, cock tingle. He's not a weirdo. He's probably just satisfying on his own thinking, oh, belly button's horny. Yeah, no, that's weird. You're not in the belly buttons. Oh, really, man? He says to her, they're not harming anybody, they're not doing any bad because it's hot. As long as I don't mention kids, animals, I'll tell you what did happen. Actually, I was very, very upset about this. I'm very upset about this. I had a really great relationship with a guy who I did my first anal with. I did my first DP with him. Really cool guy. I liked him. He got into drugs and he started getting into, he started enjoying bestiality. He sent me a video of my breed of dog doing something to a woman in some block. I don't care how long we've been friends for. Don't even send me that shit. Horrible. That a question. Why the fuck is that? My breed as well. Yeah, that's fucking hell. How would you do that? You should've been a Jew. My breed of dog and a woman, all I'm saying is, block, block, block everywhere. He's locking up. Yeah, he's bulls-caped, mate. Oh, it's not right that, is it? I think that's twisted in the head, though. He's purposely hunted my wire marana. And he's got to go out and do something to a fat. No, it's just a video. He's found on the internet and then sent it to me. Like, what did you think I was going to be like? Right, thank you. It's very strange. Do you think people will try and taste you as well to see how far you will go? No one on this planet in this industry would dare ask me to do anything like that. I mean, even the mad stuff I've done, like, one guy asked me to do things like, show my fillings off. I've got them all changed away now, so that can't be happening. Walk around with a peg leg, one heel on. Master bit my clift with an iron, not turned on, thankfully. This mad stuff like that bit, things like that bit, when I'm younger, I'm a bit like, why not, that's the iron. That cheesebar girl would have been melted if it was fucking on. I know, but even though you know it's not on, you don't feel quite comfortable doing it. I was like, a bit weird this. I don't like bondage. I've walked off a bondage set, hate being restrained or tied up, very claustrophobic. It's a mad industry, but I'm not. But do you know that dead scene I was telling you about? Yeah. They make you think, I don't want to see yourself, but that wasn't some, I drew the line there for some reason. I mean, I was 24. I don't know what was going through when we had to even do that. But you're so young, that's the problem. You shouldn't loud do porn too young. I will say that because you, you haven't had, you don't have the intelligence, no matter how intelligent you are, or the experience in the industry to know what you're saying yes or no to really. You're just like, you think, oh yeah, I'll do that. It's good money. They're a nice person to me. I'm going to go do that. When you think about, it wasn't until years later, a guy tweeted a picture of me in the scene. He said, I loved you in this. And I thought, I'm meant to be dead. This is weird. Block them. So you're meant to be getting fucked, a dead body basically. I was the dead body. Yeah, so I'm saying, yeah. Yeah. So I did a couple of them. Had to take a fake ecstasy pill, obviously. The guy I did it with was a really nice guy. He was actually the nice director on the first scene I did. So there is elements like this where you think, would I look back now? He's a questionable character, isn't he? Maybe a little bit of a groomer, but you don't see that at the time. We've got the sounds. Sounds as fuck. So we had to take these fake ecstasy tablets and I die at overdose. And then what you have to do is you have to see in the position you died. I die like this. Eyes open, mouth. Anyway, I have to lay like that for the full 20 minutes. Absolute fucking torture. Don't do your eyes open if you ever do it. He spunks. He's a shooter. It lands on the roof of my mouth. I can't move. I don't mean shot there was spunk and not being able to like bat an eye like this. Oh God. And then we've done ones where they're like strangulation and what they give you is they give you this gum to really chew to make you look like you're frothing at them. It's fucked up, you know, really fucked up. And we do these like choking strangulation scenes where the guy is murdering you and they use like special effects makeup on that. Have you asked me to do that now? I've had no fucking way out your head. Not a chance. 24 double pay. I'm like passes the gum. Give us the rope. Check a lot of the directors are loving their own fantasies. He didn't set that man at a heart attack. He was such a sweet heart. I don't know, but that site was so dark you have to know. You can't get it on Google. You have to know the exact link to put it in. Kind of that way. But my agent at the time didn't say listen, this is an extremely taboo site. You need to kind of think about what you're agreeing to. There's like, do you want to do the sea? The kind of like make it seem a little bit like do you want to do the sea? It's better when it's a little bit like taboo, but it's like, you're not kind of thinking by the way, the man messed a bit to this are going to be turned on seeing you dead. If they said that to you, you'd probably be like ugh, even though it's common sense, you don't think like that because you're getting so many jobs through. You're getting milk in table, you're going to the table, milk in a cock one day and you're playing dead the next. Fucking mad, aren't I? It's mad. Honestly, I think of some of the things I'm thinking. No, you have lost the plot. I think you have got to have lost the plot, but I think everybody's lost the plot. Yeah, but then you grow older like this and now I can think right, I'm lucky I'm, you know, I think I'm all right from it. I don't think I've got too damaged. I'm turned on by kiss now, aren't I? Do you think a lot of, can a lot of the stuff you've done in the past come back and bite you in the ass or is it just kind of, she's a porn star and she can get away with it? Listen, I've not done anything illegal. I've done, I tell you what, it does come back to bite you in the ass, ugly fucking photographs. That's the worst thing for me. That's what you look stunning here. I'm like, oh my holy hell, no, I do not. And then this 2016 I gained a little bit of weight. I mean, I wasn't big. I was a size 10 at best. The porno guy goes to me. Can you suck it in? But those photos from that year, but men loving it sometimes be a bit of weight on you. Yeah, man. I'm slim because I like working out and training. It's not because I feel pressured to look that way. Although you do, you do get pressure. Pussy minute big asses are in. I don't have a big ass. Is it a cut off point for you where you want to get out? Are you going to struggle to get out? Well, I first started. I was like five years. I'm out. Then I get another year. You're like, I don't know if you come another couple of years. I'm having fun. I'm making money. It gets this point. I'm 10 years deep. I'm not doing another job after this. So now all my money is going into making sure I will have an income when I suck shooting. So I don't have to do a job again. What's the point in doing all this if I'm then going and doing a lip blush course? No offence to the girls that do that, but that's not some guy of any attention are doing. I want to have done this. If I'm doing all this madness, I'm going full fucking throttle. I want to shoot for the craziest companies next year. I want to do pushing more boundaries, get a couple more award nominations, box off the porn, finish off the only fans and settle down with a lovely husband. I'm just pretending I've done none of it. I've never watched porn in his life. Probably kids. I wouldn't want to have children while still active in the industry. Because then say if I'm finished by the time it comes like 10 or 11 hopefully my type of porn will be so ancient and no one will know how to access it. Or if they do, sex industry is so common now. Do you know what I mean? By the time I come to have kids, it's not going to be like, it's probably not going to be the only porn sale I'm having at the school. There'll probably be like 20 only fans and moms and five having normal jobs because so many girls do it now. But it is something to think about. And I think it's I think it's tough when you have kids in this industry and there's no denying that and you can raise them to be as lovely as you want. And I know some of the best parents in this industry, better parents. Then I know women in this industry are amazing mothers and I know girls in Newcastle that I do a hairdresser around sniffing every week and leave the kids with the grandma where the porn man's are like with them. They're putting the money into the kids future. You know, and it's sad that they got that judgment. How long was your longest relationship? Three years. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, it's not bad. How was that then? How did he handle it? He was a nutter. That man was an absolute nut job and he was younger than me. It was lockdown. Oh, so it wasn't too bad because I wasn't shooting a lot. But he was unhinged. Yeah, but you like that? I know, but he was too unhinged, you know, like even for me, I fuck Jesus Christ. Because he was an athlete. Do you know what is in lockdown? So basically I broke up with I was a bit of an Instagram model, fitness model. He was a twat, so he knew us. But I broke up with him two weeks later. I think it was the other guy. And we were getting on well. We were having nice little Chinese in the hotel, nice little take. We're getting, you know, I've known him for long years. He used to PT me. And he used to be a fan actually. So now I go for your fans. And boom, lockdown. You know, it's like when I first come out we're like, we're going to die. So I thought, fuck down alone. I'll shuck up with this young man. So I'm the best version I can be. I'm cooking. I'm cleaning. I'm sucking him off whenever he's seen me do live sex shows. He's just not session any training the garden, making the chicken. You're the best watching movies. I mean, so a good year and a half that was just that fucking carry on. Then you get into the real world and absolutely maniac. And then what happens is these men I'm not these men, not all men do that. But what happened is he started cheating and staying out. And if I'm with someone and they don't want me to shoot, I'm quite happy to put it on hold because I've done so much in my career. I could stop now and feel if I met the love of my life and I wanted to be with him, I could be like, right. I'm willing to give up this side. You've even got to do content with me. Or if you're not happy to do content solos and live interaction with my fans. Because that doesn't really damage my income that much to be honest with you, not doing boy girl. Because a lot of my income is interaction based. So what happened though is he to go out, go out saturday coming Tuesday, not answering the phone, gaslighting, shagging other girls. What happens then is you're like, I don't want to stop. I don't want to stop doing what I do now for you because you're not showing me any respect. You're the guy I thought you were. So then I gave him a good six months of carrying on like a fucking nut job. Why did you accept that? Well, it's one of those things. Does it worth a proof? Prove it. Prove I was with her. She's fucking texting me. He's the proof. She's lying. So, you know, it's tricks like that on you. Then eventually you've got to be like. Narcissistic stuff. Yeah, narcissistic. And so then I'm like, right, I'm going back to work. Let me sneak, taking the watch off. But then I had the funny dance. She'd always known when the porno was. Anyway, it's not bad happen with this latest ex. I got our phones together. I got both a phone and contract. Not for any reason. Otherwise, just get it. He paid for it and everything. It wasn't anything like that. But I said all the eye clouds up and stuff. Now, I don't know what happened, right? But one point this year, I have linked our phones. You fucking meant that. I swear. You're lying fast. Listen, women are just psychos as well. No, we were long done at this point. But I was remember looking on the floor. I thought this is strange. Like there wasn't any bad blood there. And I remember looking and thinking, I've won two. I've won two. I kind of looked in the floor. Don't dismiss that. Next thing I know, I'm getting sent a photo between me beside two six foot four men. I was like this. And he's like, been on a nice summer, have we? And I was like, fuck. To be fair, I managed to get it all off. He went, can you send me the scene? I enjoyed wanking over it. But at first I was like this. And then I was getting all his over. And I was like, this is when we were together. April the ninth. So even though if you're doing porn and not sleeping with other men, would you have an open relationship? Or is it just you can't sleep with anybody else? No, to be honest with you, I'm quite jealous and territorial myself. I don't think I'd be comfortable. God, I think it's the people are going to be like, the irony of this bitch. That's not something I'm comfortable with. And to be honest with you, if I'm into a guy, I don't have the desire to go out and sleep with other men. I don't really, that's not something that is a big thing for me. I mean, I'd be more open to that than them sleeping with women, definitely. And maybe with the right person that, you know, really is into that and really wants to see me go and get shagged on me. When I'm with these men that, and you know, they're getting in the moment and that like, yeah, I want you to get fucked by a Lord's guy. Let's get lots of Lord's guys. I'm like, no, no. So that's what like they're into as well. But that's creepy. If you love somebody, like you say it's terrible, you want to protect them. Yeah. So I'm not into that. Do you want you to get fucked off other guys? Is that a turn on or a turn off for you? But above. I prefer that than if they were like, oh, let's get a girl around. I'm like, no. Are you bisexual yourself? No, I'm gay for a pair. Do you know when I'm not, but I'm serious because I would not date a woman. I'll never say never, but I don't see that in my future. Don't get along. I like having three sims with girls. Girls are pretty. Girls are beautiful. And I've got some very horny friends. And you know, you can have a crease with your pals. Like a friend, Rebecca. We went to Paris. We did some mad fucking stuff together this year. And we, I managed to find a guy. This guy I met in Paris years ago. I used to see him a little bit with some remain good friends. And I was like, listen, do you want to come around and do some content with pals there? He's like, yeah, can I bring a friend? I was like, why the fuck not? Bring some condoms because they're not tested. He comes and his pals like, I want a sex club. I was like, wicked. Can you organize a little glory hall? I've never done one. Can we film it? No problem. Do you want a limo to pick you up? Yes. Can you get some men in it? Yes. How many do you want? Madness. Organize like three men in the limo. Come close at four or three. So I have these guys in the limo. You do mad things like that. You go on. He's mad men are in these mad masts and that. So I do enjoy doing things like that with girls, but I don't really... I wouldn't see myself in bed with a woman just having sex. But you never say never. Maybe I've not met the right woman. Yeah. I love men. How do you prepare yourself for the anal scenes and that and DP? How do you prepare yourself? Got a nice little video I'll send you. It's a very educational one actually. Yeah, send up. I'll put it on a YouTube channel and educate everybody else. I've put it on my Twitter. So basically you've got to know your own body and like how I've won your digest food, et cetera, et cetera. I'm going to go too much in detail at that because let's not. Some girls will stop eating 24 hours before... Some girls will stop eating 48 hours. For me personally, if I've got anal... See on the 24th, I'll just eat as normal on the 23rd, have my tea about eight o'clock, six o'clock a bit early. Then I won't eat that day. I'll have a banana before the scene for a bit of fuel. Or if I'm not sure what time it's going to start, I'll eat jelly babies or gummy bears because they take a long time as I digest. And what you've got to do is you've got to use a douche so you can either dismantle your shower or you get a bulb with a... a flute on the end I guess. You fill it with water, you stick up your bum, you squirt the water in, you push the water out to it, it runs clear. Then my personal suggestion would be like, find a nice lube that you like, sit with a book plug in for a while. This is for an anal scene because you want no mess and you're preparing for a fucking mega dick. So you know what I mean? You probably don't want to go to the extent of a book plug in for hours for like... That's the hard part. I had an ayahuasca documentary in Costa Rica and they gave his... a cooling cleanse. Oh yeah! How was that? That's the only reason I've done the ayahuasca documentary so I could get that. No. You're saying that's what it was. It was fucking weird. It's for a man. It's weird. Yeah, I can imagine. I don't know if it was like 15 minutes, 30 minutes because the clean... How long cleans that? Yeah, the clean the out though. I was... I think I had too long to stay in there but they fucking... they clean you out because when you take an ayahuasca you can shit yourself this way. Yeah. And have a shit yourself, be sick, all that stuff because they say it's a... Have you heard about ayahuasca? I have. I've heard very mixed reviews. I've had some people lose a plot out of it and I've had some people have a very positive experience. For me personally I don't think I would enjoy it. I'm not really into anything callousogenic or makes me... I think I'm a bit of a control figure. I like to be in control, yeah. How are you? Controlling or... Yeah, I was trying to control the journey. Yeah. I'm a control freak. I'm a little overpowered. So now you feel relaxed and free. Would you recommend it or not? It felt like a cult. It felt very cult. That's a bad vibe. Are you vegan? I was vegan for two years then. I noticed some of your bathroom stuffs like my... Yeah, yeah. So... Not chemicals and stuff. Oh no, I use all the fuck. Not chemicals, yeah, yeah, yeah. But... I don't know, man. It felt cult for me. I'm not taking gear. I'm not drinking. I'm not gambling. I'm on a good path. I'm always looking for more because I feel as if I should be happy. Yeah. Drinking drugs are so dangerous. I'm not sober because I don't feel I have a problem with it. I don't want to go, oh, don't get me wrong, I can't be a maniac. That's the other problem in this industry. It can... If you're doing drinking drugs in this industry, it's not a good combination because you can get money like that. You can hit a spot, you can strip, you can do a scene boom, a couple of hundred, a couple of grand and then you can ruin your own life really. Do you lose this? Do you see a lot of people losing themself? Losing their soul? Losing who they are? Yeah. I hundred percent. To be honest with you, I can think of a handful of people that should be in this industry and I can think of a lot of people that shouldn't be in this industry. Yeah. Because you sound okay, you look good, man. Yeah. Other porn stars, I know they're fucking fried. Even I said that at Brooklyn, like she's very level-headed. Yeah. She's very normal. I think the key is as well, you've got to have a normal life. I still have normal sex. I still... When I'm at home... But what is normal sex to you? I'm having sex with someone not on camera. I'm like, work the camera if you fancy it. Yeah. But you know. It's saddening because a lot of porn stars you can see they're broken. I feel as if they shouldn't be in the industry. Yeah. It can be a mind-fuck. Yeah. It can be a mind-fuck and bear in mind, sometimes, essentially, you're having sex with someone you don't want to have sex with necessarily. So someone is entering your body. For a girl, it's very invasive. So if you're not in a privileged position like me, where you can't choose, you feel like you can't choose your sexual partner, I've kicked off quite a few times on set. I'm not going to lie. I went and did a scene in Hungary. Fucking Europe. Europe swear off. I'm not going to lie. And then they sent me on the scene with this job. He was a young guy, good looking, I'm a big guy and he was a very big Snapchat follower and he says, come round, we're doing an anal squirt scene. Not a problem. Smashing was fucking great. His fans loved it. Did this... Do you know what that cheeky fucker said to me? All right, go get ready for the scene. Excuse me. You've had sex with me and put it on the internet. That is the scene. So we get paid by scene. He was trying to do a deer rate. Deer rates where they're like, use you like a mule. What, just shagging you over and over? And again, they're trying to make as much money as possible and that. So I was like, are you fucking doing that? Is there meaning of this big argument? But the agent said, a lot of European girls will be quite meek. They'll just be like, oh, that's what's happening. That's what's going to do. They won't kind of stand up for themselves. So I was just like, fuck off. I'm not signing paperwork. I'm not paid. So you used basically, Kingda. Yeah. They won't want to say they'll be intimidated or... How does it all work? The porn, though, it's all Kingda. It's all Kingda. All the big companies are no Kingda. To create as well now. Yeah, it's definite on that. When I started it, it was the best era was like 80s, 90s, where you get like the Jenna Jameson, the really fit girls. You were getting absolute fortunes for porn movies because it was a relatively new thing. And, you know, these gorgeous women, they can make money off it. Then it become over-saturating, they become a lot of free-sight. So then it took a hit. Then it was like the people coming into it were going to be desperate for money or on a strange path in life, or not a lot of people choose this job. Do you know what I mean? It might find them or they might fall into it. Ladi, ladi, ladi. So then when I started, payment could be quite low for some people. Some guys were getting 150 for a scene. They were there all day, some girls were maybe only getting 300 quid from what you're girls are seeing. Now, even the girls, that would be on a lower rate then because you can choose your own rate. But now even they can be like, listen, I can make money off my only fans. They've took control. They have to give you a decent rate now. Who offers the most money? The most money are ones like the Digital Player Ground, Blacks, Vixen. If you've got a good following and you've never done a scene, they'll pay you a good amount for it. Do you think that's just to get people out of it? Legal porn will pay you good. Legal porn will have a terrible reputation. They are one of the best companies I've ever shot for because they do such hardcore fucking mad stuff. You're going, you're in your makeup for an hour. You do a quick 30-minute solo, prepping yourself, and then you do the fastest scene in your life. Because it's so hardcore, pay straight away, no problems. Because it's so hardcore, people assume they're going to be like vultures are horrible to work for, so professional. Do you think a lot of the directors are OK to work with? There's a lot of creepy bastards. They see dick and pussy asshole every day of their life. They don't care about yours. Do you know what I mean? There's only been one guy, one French guy, but he was fit to be fair so I did give him a handjob online. There's only been one French guy that's kind of being like sticking his hand in, but he was sexy so I was like, oh fuck it, come here. Why are you doing a scene? That's not known. Hey, but I'll tell you what, it also happened with me, surgeon. What happened? So, I'm not going to name names because I'm not into ruining people's lives. Anyway, he's been struck off anyway because another girl grassed him up. So he was notorious for this, sending girls flames on Instagram and stuff. I had my boobs done, he's like, right, come for your check-up. I didn't have a feeling of chaperone at all and apparently that's not even legal. By the way, I wasn't even this young when this happened and he's like, your boobs need massaging to make sure they're fit into the pockets. Doctor tells you that, you don't even think it's that abnormal. Maybe I've been in too many fornoes. He's like, do you mind if I use coconut oil? So I was like, well, why not? Go on then. Then he's like, touch himself. I knew he'd fancy me. There'd been a lot of dirty talk before. I wouldn't even be like, this isn't like one of your hospital scenes. So he'd give me a discount as well. I've got to have a fries boo job. We wouldn't be for an Instagram post, but it was definitely for this little wank on me tits. Anyway, he's massaging, touching himself. He's like, do you mind? Wax his cock out. He's spunked on me brand new tits. That's outrageous when you think about it. I mean, a lot of people are keen on that. That doesn't bother me because I actually found it quite funny, but a lot of people can be like, that is not okay. That's abuse. No, it is abuse. Whether you are entertaining it is real. It is. And if he's asking you and you're saying, okay then. So anyway, this other girl, karma getty, doesn't it? This other girl, she's notorious for being a kiss and tell girl. Anyway, he'd been sending a dirty message and she showed a story to the papers on him. I mean, I definitely wouldn't go back to him again. Didn't like jumping the boobs though because they were broke and one was ruptured and one was stuck up here. So at one point my boobs were like this. What's that like? This one ruptured and this one had capsular contracture. I think it's called. It means the tissue hardened and sticks to it. So I had to get them fixed. I didn't want boobs this big, they were smaller. But I didn't want the uplift scar because it goes like that. Lollipop. So when you're doing porn, it's not ideal. So he's like this and just go for bigger boobs. It lifts them up and it'll fix the problem. So that doctor's getting bored. End of abuse. I think he's struck off now because the girl sold a story and got investigated. Then it turns out he's done it some load of girls. Is he giving a discount and they'll let them do it? No, the discount's for an Instagram post. But then obviously, because he's giving you this, you're then feeling a bit like oh, he's done this. He's put the flames. You know this man fancies you and that's why he's giving you discounts. Then you're feeling like... That's okay. Yeah. But then you're feeling like, that's okay. That's not okay. But if you're not... Definitely if you say okay. But if you're just... I can't say the man's ticker at me. But do you think that because you've been through so much porn and done all that, you think it's not? I didn't realise that wasn't normal. Some of my friends were like, that's not okay. That would not happen to us because of the industry you're in. Did you entertain it though? Oh yeah, of course I did. Then go on. Because to me, a handjob on the tits isn't anything like... It's not like he was like, you know, savagely raping me. But then when you can look back on things now actually. So I think now I do feel quite strongly about men and coercive behaviour. It was sexual behaviour. One of my ex-boyfriends, he was like, come on, come on, come on. Then this was obviously since then. I'm like, this is illegal. What you're doing is you're trying to get me to consent. I do not want to have sex with you. So it wasn't until after I told my friends and stuff about that, I can then think of other situations where men have been like, they're pressured you into sex. But because I'm in the sex industry and you put yourself in positions where I'm not always horny when I go to a porn or I have to like get myself in the mood. I might take my wand or you slowly get into it as you're having sex. But because sometimes you're not at the beginning and then you have sex, you normalise that type of thing. You normalise sometimes having sex when you don't really want to have sex. I think when you leave the sex industry everyone just have to have therapy. I don't need some therapy. I'm going to start this, yeah. But that's a dangerous game then, isn't it? Not knowing what's real fake. Yeah. You also know what's moral, what's right, what's wrong. Is that okay? Feeling like you could be like, absolutely not. You cannot rank them up yet. Do you feel yourself, you feel as if you've got damaged through the years with the shit that you've done? 100% definitely. I have a lot of repression, as it calls. So I'll repress a lot of things. But I have actually spoke to a therapist last year. I'm definitely going to go ahead with that this year. But I know there's going to be a few things. My friend Rebecca, she deals with a therapist. I know there's going to be a few things that need addressing what maybe I want to be able to have the time to dedicate to that. And I might be like, this is going to interfere work for a little bit. Is that why you're scared to do it in case I might end up having a mental break. So I'm thinking, what if I don't help me? Are you scared to kind of open that box? Yeah. It's going to be, because you might think, Jesus Christ, some of this stuff's been a bit mad. Not necessarily even porn. I think with other things about maybe like certain relationships you've allowed to happen or maybe experiences like that, not the actual porn itself. I think when you deal with that, like any person has to deal with trauma or every person in this world has got trauma. There's not a single person that doesn't need a therapist as they're not. But you know it yourself, because it's such a a sensitive job, it could be a very bumpy road. You're scared though, you're trying, like you say, put all your feelings in a box because you're scared of knowing who you are. Do you ever feel, I wouldn't say ashamed, but even though you're out there and you're promoting it and you love it, but do you ever feel deep inside that? 100%. Sometimes you think, I could have done anything in this world. I chose a job that makes it hard to have relationships. It comes with stigma. It comes with prejudice. And it comes with a lot of like physical exhaustion. So of course, anyone that says they don't question it and they love this job every day of their life is absolutely lying because I don't feel like many people feel like that about a lot of the jobs. But I don't regret it either. But what I will say about porn is when I was younger, I think I had a low self-esteem and low confidence. And what this industry has done for me is actually it built me more confident and more self-esteem. And now even though, like I said about the dead porno and the plastic surgeon guy, now I'll probably, now those things I wouldn't put up with, you know what I mean? Because I've grown, you grow so much as a person and you kind of stand up for yourself. I used to be a lot more submissive, a bit more. I want to say I'm a dominant, I'm not a dominatrix, but now I can stand my ground. Yeah, you've got to defend your ground because no one else will. Yeah, exactly. If you're a porn star, who's made you an easy target? Yeah. But if you, if you show yourself respect, like I said, I think some of the men I slept with when I was younger was I think, you shouldn't have slept with him. Like, why did you sleep with him? But even though I asked about him, no, he was just young and horny and mad. You don't kind of realize your own self-respect and self-worth and that's nothing to do with porn. These are when I was in college, but you're sort of like seeking validation and attention seeking because of maybe like underlying childhood issues or something it's all to do, isn't it? But now, now there's plenty of guys DMs or blue ticks that think they're special because, you know, they've been bloody verified by Instagram or the player football or I'm like that. What am I shagging you for? Because I can be your porn trophy. How much does it, the dad being there, not being there, do you think that plays a trick? Well, I mean, there's got to be a major one, isn't it? Not completely. Where's your phone number? Connection is, man. I don't know, it's strange, isn't it? It's got to be something to do with biology, I think, and, or is it? Is it like what we've been taught? That is crazy. I don't know. I tend to see the daddy issues. I've got daddy issues and we've all got them. But why is it? Is that something we're learnt by society or is that in our brains? How are we wired? I don't know myself. I'd love to find out, to be honest with you, why it affects you in such a way. But the stats are that single parents, your kid is more likely to become an addict, being in prison, doing porn. I would not like my kid to be in the sex industry. Why? It's difficult. Like I say, I feel, even my experiences, even though you say I seem switched on and I don't seem too damaged, I still have had negative experiences myself. And also, it's hard. It is a hard job and it's not something that like, there's so much more you can do. But if they did want to do it, I would obviously be able to offer them advice and see where to go with it. But yeah, it's tough. It's very tough. It's very mentally tough. It's very, it's just mad. Why do you do it then? Well, I'm in a decision when I'm young and I've committed to that decision. I enjoy it. I make good money from it and I feel like this is a personal decision for me. But I don't feel like it's an everybody job. Do you think if you could make a decision again as a kid, you would make the same decision? Do you know what it is, even if I didn't do it when I was a kid, I'd have ended up doing only fans now. I feel like... That's not as bad though. Have you seen Sliding Doors? No. We've put a felt role. It's a really good film actually. You should watch it. But it's about this woman's story and the certain things that were destined to happen in her life. Like she has a miscarriage in both of them. She meets the same guy but in different times. And it's about the concept like life, the journey you're on. Certain things are always going to happen in your life no matter at what period. Synchronous. Yeah. Watch it. It's good. Good film. I like it. What about the sexual energy exchange? See, this is a big thing that people say. I've personally not fought too much into this. Some people, I think, are really... Do you think you're guarded though? Do you think you've guarded yourself not if... Yeah, I think I can deflect their sexual energy. I think it is. Because they say when you sleep with somebody you take on all their trauma and all their bullshit like I'd imagine. But when I do a podcast I can feel drained. Yeah. Never mind getting fucked off four guys, ten guys. How do you... See, I don't feel like that. I feel like... If I do a porno, I feel light, I feel happy, I feel a sense of achievement. It's good. That's not a bad thing. But it's always in your mind it's okay. I think what you're on about and more is when girls do escorting that can be more so because there's a big difference between these two things. Porn is performing. It's for the camera. It's for someone else. Both equal parties. Escorting. You are serving. It's for the man. The man you're with. You're his... there to make him happy. So they're very different. So girls that do a lot of this. Escorting. I've noticed they have a lot more of this experience what you speak about the sexual energy. When you're doing it with a porn performer bear in mind they're taking your energy. So if you're both in a good state you're both professional you're both happy to be there. Like if I work with Danny Danny's got a great energy when you're meeting if I've got a great thing it's just good energy all around you know what I mean? It's nice to see Danny you would never think it was a fucking massive porn star man. It's just a brush man. You're on set with him he's just being a joker sir. And then you randomly go off sex then you're back to normal. What age did you lose your virginity? 15 and a half. Yes. I'm putting that half in there so that's not a fucking how old were you? 13. Young. Men do it a lot younger. Yeah. Men have men have problems I think with porn pornography is very accessible. When I was growing up it was like the 10 minute preview 12 at night. But do you know when you were watching porn can I ask how long you'd watch it for? Five minutes. That's what I mean. They make us a fucking 45 minute long scenes. Chop it. No, that was back then. But were you a skipper? Yeah. I was a good looking bastard anyway. So I never really did that. Have you slept with a lot of women? Are you celibate now? Can I ask? Yeah. Kind of on the path when I'm on a good path. So one of my friends she's she's a sex and love addicts and she's like you're potentially a sex addict as well because I'm not going to lie to you. You've got to think I'm meant to want to say this. I can manifest some very good good men that I want to sleep with. So say like there's certain guys there's been at least a couple of guys that I thought they live nowhere near me. They're obtainable. And I see I sometimes see guys as trophies. I want to sleep with that person. I like I don't know I'll see them as like a goal. This isn't my personal life. And then when I when I've done it I'd be like I feel happy and satisfied with that. So she's like you could potentially be a sex addict anyway back to my original point cause she's a sex and love addict. She said when she comes to deal with that this is another reason for the therapy. She's going to have to be celibate for a certain person. They can address those issues because you can't like an alcoholic can't drink can't be in recovery. I don't think I don't really want to speak too much of that because I don't have experience. But that's what she says. So that's another reason for the therapy for me. I'm thinking I can't stop having sex and deal with these issues cleansing is facing the problems of dealing with if you're in a good place if you put your hand put your hands rejection. I don't think I put myself in position where I can get rejected. But that's the control and nature that you know you're going to be in. Yeah, I don't put myself in. Could you give me an example? If I try to put it on something that says no or you try to go for a job, you get, nah, you're not good enough for that. Something like being rejected. So rejection in, if I get rejected for a job, there'll be a reason. So it'll be like, I want one company couldn't shoot me because I had too much lip filler off anything. That is what it is. I'm not too bothered about that. That's their niche. I'm quite good at understanding the business. Do you know what I mean? They're not saying you're a horrible person. We hate you. It's, I don't fit their look. That's fine. So I know where to go with. I don't get rejected for a lot of things because you know, no tattoos, you know, they can make me look, they can make me look a whore. They can make me look a virgin. They can make me look, even though I've got boobs are still fairly natural. I wouldn't really put myself in a position with a man where I thought I was going to get rejected. Being a porn star, a lot of guys, but you know, sometimes guys just want to shag you. Not even with the fancy because they're just thinking, I'll just take that off the list. You know what I mean? That's morphing than anything. I'm sure I've slept with men that don't fancy me in the slightest, but they think, oh, she's a porn star. Shag her. Jankers too easy now for people. Yes. Especially with social media. I think that's why people are so confused. There's not much rejection now because people just fuck. They don't care. They don't even care the fucking. But it's unhealthy. Yeah, it's very unhealthy. I don't know if you should be the one person who has four ways or whatever the fuck. It's lovely though, isn't it? When you meet someone, you have a connection and you just want to spend time together. And before, I love the beginning of a relationship before you fucked each other up and you've done all these bad things and you're getting on and the call and you like answering the call and you're not calling them thinking. I haven't seen that TikTok where it's like the Bruno Mars all. Why do you think it goes toxic and miss so many relationships? Everyone's got so many issues and not many people deal with them, do they? When do you think you're going to see a therapist and deal with them first? I'm going to go this month. I'm going to start a little bit therapy. I've got my friend's mom actually. So we spoke about before Christmas, but I feel like when you make a decision like that, I think you've got to have time to digest it because you know it's going to be a step. I'm not going to do a lot of intense stuff. I'm going to go and just... My thing is I don't want to be sat there and it'd be awkward and be like, tell me about your childhood. Tell me about like, you know when you see them in the movies and it feels also a therapy. I feel like it feels so long winded. It's a constant thing, isn't it? Are you going to go and see a woman or a man? A woman. I think that'd be best. Imagine you sat with a man and he starts fucking rubbing your tits and you're just like... That would happen, you know what I would happen. You just think it's normal. Have you seen him? Jonah Hill and this therapist did a thing on Netflix and we watched that. He was a bit dark, man, but... He had a nice little vibe behind his therapist. Yeah, everything's due to energy. I went to see a therapist five times last year and I just didn't like the guy. I felt he looked dead gray, he looked dead old and I thought... That's the other issue, isn't it? How can I take advice from somebody that looks fucking terrible? He might have the keys to certain things, but I'm in a great place. I've worked a lot to make changes. Obviously, I've still got some main fuel up there. I could be in a great mood and all of a sudden, you shouldn't be happy, dickhead. There's a negative thought and I'm not dapper. Intrusive thoughts are a problem, aren't they? Sometimes I can be like, I'm a very hyper person, so I'll be hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper. And then all of a sudden, my mood can change quite quickly and I'll be like, sometimes I won't actually know what's affecting my mood. I'm like, something's pissed me off. I don't know what's pissed me off. And I have to really think about... And sometimes it'll just be a daft thought. That's like nothing. I couldn't even think of an example, but it's just like learning to control your own thoughts and thinking you're not your thoughts as well, aren't you? Do you think you're bipolar? I don't think I'm bipolar because I don't have any episodes of depression. Maybe a ADHD or something along those lines, aren't they? Why do you think your relationships don't last? Because of your nature of work. That's too fucking long. Three years, I should have finished last year. But if you're trying, you're not trying to get married to have kids. Listen, my type at the minute, I 100% could not marry my type and I would not have a child with a man that I go for at the minute. It would be brought to a very toxic environment. The last thing I'd want for my child would be I've got a bit of eggs froze next year. This year, sorry, 2023. How old are you? I'm going to be 32 in May. Why so young though? Because the younger you get, the eggs froze the better, because they're the better eggs. Actually, after woman's 28, your eggs start going downhill. So forget them for this year. It gives me 10 years, you know, something self out, get a therapy, find a nice man or go through IVF. But you're not going to find one unless you start making the changes. Exactly. But if I freeze my eggs, it buys me time to have those changes. But you're just trying yourself time so you can just stay in the life of madness. I can't do a quick free therapy Russian finals been that time. I don't want to be on TV show. I'll get therapy and find you love your life. I was actually speaking to a Brooklyn man, the reality porn reality TV show. I think we'd be class man. Bunkers. She got us been. I think he's lovely. I said, you know, because men get jealous is me. I'm a protector man like family. I'm there. But she's an awful lot though, Brooklyn. She's out having sex with a lot of men all the time. She's doing that. No, just in a fair way for the other thing. You should get the therapy and find a nice husband. I'm not into porn, man. Not the slightest. I wouldn't like to date a guy in my industry if I'm honest with you. If I'm honest with you, I think there's no offense to the men in this industry. Even though when you say something like that, usually means you've been offensive, which is ironic. I think they've got ego issues. I think they like the ego strokes. I think that's why they do porn. Probably the same as women as well. You can't. Yeah, but imagine to. Yeah, we like attention. I like attention. That's why I do porn. That's another reason as well. You like the attention you get from it. What's the worst thing you've experienced on the porn industry? Because really, you say there's a good side, but there's also a dark side. STI, not for anything too, too traumatic, but obviously that's never pleasant. We get tests every month. So you get it quite fast, but that jab in the bum isn't the best. Honestly, the things I mentioned, the guy trying to pay him, trying to get two scenes out of me, I've not had a lot of traumatic experiences. Why do you think a lot of other girls... More of it. Is that bloody mental doctor? Why do you think a lot of other girls go through a lot of trauma? If it cause the amateur scene, just like reinterpreting. Amateur scene is a big thing. I did a lot of research. I did seven months of research while I got into this industry. I was on YouTube. I was on website. I read a negative book about a girl that had things. I really looked into what I was getting into to try and give myself the best possible experience I could do. I wanted to be sure that this is a path I wanted to go in. And even now, it wasn't the right decision. I think in the end, I think it ends up okay, doesn't it? Do you ever feel used? No, I don't. I felt more used of non-porn men. How so? I don't know. See, if you have a... Is that because of my... When you're younger, you have sex with... You might have sex with guys because, you know, like you say, validation, attention-seeking, daddy issues. Realistically, did I maybe ever have sex with all those men? Probably not. We are doing it for some sort of internal validation or esteem, more slightly. When am I in porn I've been used? No. We've got a very consensual agreement. Everyone's happy. Everyone's getting paid. I've never ever felt used on a porn set. See when I do a podcast, I think, yeah, that was a great podcast. Do you walk away and feel great fucking sick? That was a great scene. Do you have a hide in adrenaline rush? How do you notice a good scene? You just know the energy's non... I'll tell you something, though. I've seen... I've done some scenes that are absolute fucking heap of shit and they've come out looking alright. I thought, there's nothing worth the bad things. You just think, fuck, that's going to be out there. The energy's off the guys and water's up and down. There was a fallout. One time, me and a... Not a fallout, but we were doing a DPC. And the guy said to me, do you mind giving us a bit of a blow job? But I was like, listen, I can't because the two of you, I can't be pinging back and forth, blow job news before the scene. My energy will go to DPC and I want to be strong. Flopped. Wait an hour for him to get wood because he's ego-dented. But it wasn't personal, do you know what I mean? If it's just a couple of us, not just me and a man, even, sorry. Of course, I'll give him a little handjob, a little blow job. I've got no palms for that. I'm happy with them, if I fancy them. And that's, you know, as long as it's not for fucking hours. No palms about it. A little bit of a fluff by the devil or not. But yes, sometimes things can like that can be a little bit, a little bit awkward. Smiling it but that is fucking nuts like. Fucking hell, I'll be going back and forth between. Imagine the state I'd look. But then you'd have to get makeup touched up. And if you don't again, a man's job is to get to set, get hard and come on demand. I know the guys get the injections and take the tablets and there's girls take anything. Fucking love guys that inject. I shouldn't say that, but I do. Why? Because there's a taboo against it that mentioned do it because it can affect the sexual ability because they get the end of the line on it. But I know it is a performer because they stay hard and they can come whenever. Women now we just use lube, lube and mental simulation. I like to use my wand around doing anal because it. What is the wand? The wand? It looks like this. Never seen them. Don't you be fucking doing anything bad. Sticking this in the armbar. What about, you talk about gay for being a big pal. Dan, Dan, big Dan. Dan McGriffin. Yeah. I smoked him, me too. He's like, you want to come and do a scene? I live in London now. I'm like, all right, he texts me and he's like, what the fuck him as well? It's mad, isn't it? He does the gay stuff, man. And he's straight. I still struggle with it, but he's a fucking bad man. I struggle with it. I'm a world champion and he's just a good guy. I like him, man. He's just a good big fan. For instance, I know you couldn't go have sex with a man, could you? I couldn't. I think that why would I do that? I never met a man. I would have to gay porn and I just go and do normal and get paid for it. Do you not mean that? That would be my method. Yeah, gay get a lot more, though. Do they get paid the most? Men are the main consumers. So to have a good, straight following, you've got to be like a Johnny Sins, a Jason Love. You know, you've got to be super style level to get a lot of money from things like that. Danny D, you're still going to have all our men will still have a lot of gay following because that's that's what guys can see. So these average men that haven't yet earned their stripes are going to struggle to have a big straight fan base because they'll just cut the girls' side. Save me and Dan go do a scene together. All the straight fans will come to me because it makes sense. That's a guy's struggle. I feel for guys sometimes. Do you think you're going to struggle to get out? Me? Yeah. No, absolutely not. When you're going to get out then. I am thinking about this day and I know I do know what it is. I've absolutely gone. I've worked so hard in my career. I've got two AVN nominations. I've got for foreign female off the earth twice. I've got an ex-parts for DPC. Funnily enough, I've got a lesbian C nomination and I've done my IBD page is massive. You get 10 letter recommendations of people in the industry. I have got everything boxed off. They turned me down. Then no one's getting in. What does that get you? Just more money for the scenes. I want some American exposure. I want to work for like Jules Jordan, you know, Evil Angel. I want to do Blacks. I want to I've committed to this career. I want to finish it on high. I want to do those nice oiled up scenes of the sexy bikinis and work with certain people. Then I want to do some Onlyfans collabs and then I'll feel like it's a full circle then. Do you know what I mean? Feels like you've completed that. Yeah. What's the difference between pay and pawn from the UK to America? Is it night and day? Big difference? It's not that different, to be honest with you. It's all dependent on the performer themselves. You set your own rate. People can they might say, yeah, they might say fuck off. You might put it too high. You might be like, no. UK and Europe will push girls for a lower rip because there's not really agents. There's a few in Europe. But to be honest with you, the UK pawn industry is always desperate for newcomers. You don't have to work for peanuts. But some people have. Some people have been massively underpaid. Have you seen people come do one scene, two scenes then? Never come back? Well, yeah, there's been some gorgeous people. I always think of the years. I think, well, what's happened to them? It's been sad. There was a gorgeous Canadian girl all the same. She killed herself. She's so successful, so sad. Have you all been that low? No. No. Have you seen a lot of other girls and men struggle with it? You don't know what? You don't know, do you? They probably have. I know some people that have been I've been really sad. Don't get me wrong. The other day I'm having a breakdown and I was like, I'm not doing this. I'm sick of this fucking work on Onlyfans because people don't realise the amount of fucking work that goes into Onlyfans. The moment you fucking open your eyes, I have a night on me. So do you know between 12 a.m. and 4 a.m. I love that time zone. I don't know why I feel like the world's peaceful. I write in my diary then. I read my books and watch Silent Witness or something. Don't want to just be like a proper normal person in those hours. The moment you wake up, Onlyfans is very different. I would say it's 30 percent content, 70 percent advertising, branding, business. James, I've never had to be organised in my life. I've had to show up, set, do a job. I didn't know that Google tasks existed. You know Google tasks is? No. Google Meet and Zoom or something. All these Bluetooth fucking printers. I don't know any of this mad stuff existed. I'm like, what the hell? Technology is amazing. Look how far we've come. Neverx with Google Calendar. I've ever had to do anything like that. I just write it down and it's so much to go into it. Advertising. I'm always buying girls guides on Onlyfans, paying them to learn their, take their knowledge from things. You know, paying people for prom or you've got to be on that shit so much. It's such a like crazy, fast world that nothing's like porn at all. What sort of stuff Sony or Onlyfans is it? Hardcore or is it just? I do everything from like solos to hardcore. Yeah. All systems go, baby. It doesn't matter the prices, whoever pays for the monthly fee. They would still get everything. I have two pages. I've got a three page and then not much is shown on the timeline, just some sexy pics. And it thinks pay-per-view and then I've got a paid page where everything is still pay-per-view too, but it's also a little bit cheaper. Cheaper pay-per-view. What's your Yeah, Onlyfans. What's your always-social media links in that? And Twitter is a day in Sienna. Instagram is another day in Sienna. Basically, all of day in Sienna. That was that's my original, but my Instagram is another day because the day in Sienna got kicked off. What's your dream scene? What's your dream? What's my dream scene? I think I don't know. It's a good question. I really want to do I really want to do some Jules Jordan stuff. I love it. I like the oiled-up, the briper keenies, the really light background, the really hard-core Gonzo drilling. What about the creepy bastard? Who's the creepy cunt who had the black hair and the black goatee? He had a big, massive fucking dodger. Like the guy in America who just got the Jules there. Who's that, which one? Who's a creepy bastard? Like he had the black moustache, the black shady hair, but he was an older man. Ron Jeremy. Dirty bastard. He was horrible, wasn't he? I mean, he's a predator and I've had to work with him. But it just shows you. Do you know what I mean? There were people that wanted to work with him. He's like the fucking American Jim S. Avellham. What he was. He's not my, he's not my like, what I'm thinking. I like, I like guys in shape, big, big guys. He just looks creepy. I don't know who wanted to work with him. That's going to be a lie. That's propaganda, that. I don't fucking want to work with him. He must have been lying. Do you get that? Have you ever had that in the system that being exposed has been a right fucking wrong? There's someone at the minute undergoing rape allegations and there's been some photos. I'm not going to say who because there's nothing to get proved. I've worked with him. I had a present experience with him. That's not to say these girls ain't lying because the video that was took looks like it was rape. But you don't know if that was role play. You don't know if it wasn't. Doesn't look good. You get canceled. You do get canceled for stuff like that. James Dean got some, some backlash. I work with James Dean. Perfect gentleman, but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. You can't. It's really difficult in that position when you've worked with someone like me having this chat with you now and then someone telling me you rape them. It's it's a difficult thing to comprehend. But you've got to try and if you say nothing, you're a bad person. You're with the rapist. If you say something, you could be ruining someone's career. That someone's cried wolf because what do you do in that instant? I try and say Switzerland neutral. What about your trust issues? How do you trust? Can you trust? Plus, yeah, can I have hacker.com with me fucking? But you see the way the people ask you questions is how creepy men are like. Men are fucking. I've got a lot of trust issues, I think. But that's that's from personal relationships and you know, just dealing with a lot of compulsive liars. But then also they can make you become a little bit of a liar yourself because you might be scared to like say something or say if you can have the girls and you have an artist and you don't want to stay out there too long. Oh, I'm going for food. Really going for a fucking boozy brunch. Would you say yourself? Would you call yourself gullible? I can be a little bit naive. Yes, definitely. Was that an act? Naive. No, no, not an act. Definitely not. In some ways I can be very switched on and I can be very quick and I can be very clever and I can I can get people. See, I get that you're such a stone, but also get that. Sometimes I like to see the good in people. That's my problem because I'm quite like a bubbly upbeat person. I generally get quite a good reception from people which I think can make me not have a true understanding of what they're like. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because I'm like, but that's life, isn't it? Yeah. So then maybe I'll meet someone and I've got experience. I think that sounds as fuck, but then really they're a fucking demon. Yeah, I had that woman on just before you. Today, Sarah Sands. She killed her son's abuser. Abuser, abuser. He, old man, 77. So he was just outside the shop. Just an old man. And then from, this is from 1970. He'd been doing for 40 years, changed his name and he was just sent out of the shop and he was just a predator. Everybody thought it was nice. He used to bring them food, just to invite them in the house. And then she abused her sons and she went round to get a tic-tac in face and you know what they can face and she fucking done them so that happened to me at times. Do you know what I've realised though? Tell you what, have you seen the film Training Day? Denzel Washington, yeah. That man in that film, this is what he is, in an innate lease of the word, innately bad person, evil. That person, he would describe that abuser. They've got to be that, haven't they? To do that to someone. I think there's, I think there's levels right here, energies and people. And I think some, this is going to sound mental, right? I think there's like a certain thing in certain people. I can't describe what it is. Maybe it's energy, maybe it's aura, maybe it's like a little, imagine like a chip. I think some people have that and I think they're so dark and evil that, but the psychopaths, the sociopaths and they can be so charming because I couldn't do that. I couldn't abuse someone. I couldn't even kick a dog. Even, I don't even think I could kill someone that did something to me. I would struggle to actually like stab someone, I think. You tend to see all those serial killers are all nice, they all come in sharp, very well dressed, very well dressed. I'm saying this. See what I mean? That does a lot, you're a f*****g. I'm like, don't, sometimes you will. I get mad, so, me and my friend went and thought we were going to go stargazing last night, what a f***** disaster that was. Well, I've got stargazing, you, you and you was. Went to Winyard there. What's it called? A planetarium? Yeah. Didn't realize, didn't check over in times. Shuck. So, we go up there, I'm like, Laura, it's pretty f*****g dark here. Like, obviously, you need to be able to see the stars. And I'm like really scared of the dark. And I am a bit paranoid. I'm very paranoid. I always think someone's trying to murder me. Never happened yet, such words. And then, yeah, she just gets up to stroll it around. It's f*****g pitch black out there. And I'm thinking someone is going to kill us. Anyway, this, this, this is nine o'clock. No one's around. And this, this van pulls up. I'm like, this is it. We're going to die. We're going to die. All these prayers. There's man in the station. This works. I mean, for nothing. I'm getting butchered at Winyard. It's just the community guards and he's going to close the park up. But, yeah. Why are you so scared of the dark? But, yeah, you're going to... Pitch f*****g black. You're going to have to fill that sex guys with a dick out and just do your thing. That's it. I don't know why I'm scared of the dark. I'm really scared of the dark. You're scared of the dark. What are you scared of? Heights. Heights, yeah. I get vertigo if I'm really high. Do you know what I'd be topping? No. It's like the burrow or something. I'm even, I'm calling it the right name. I can't even get to the top of that so my legs go chiggly. Yeah, I'll still go on the roller coaster and I'll try and force myself because I find that people are there watching me. So, I'll show them. I agree. Man, yeah. Totally cakes, man. I'm kind of fearless. I've seen you do the dirt. You were up some f*****g mountain. Yeah. How did you get up there? Just doing all the cool water stuff and that, don't you? Tell you, have you seen... Is it called The Alpinist? Don't know. Oh, watch this on Prime. It's quite a sad story. It's about this young kid. He did that... What's it called? Rock Clemen. Yeah, but with just f*****g claws. I don't know what it's called. And he free-scaled whatever it's called. I don't know the correct terms. Oh, my God, such an amazing journey. It's really sad. I'm transferring the ending for a bit. You can probably guess what happens. No, I don't. I'm going to send you. Oh, I see. I don't need to watch that, people. So, I'm finishing up to it. So, it's good about his journey, so watch it. Tell me plans for the future. Have you seen changes? Are you going to make fairy-posts? Are you going to see the world a bit differently? Or are you just going to stick to... Got a Dublin. That's where you could find the magic. Yeah, what are we going to do different? More porn. I've had a couple of years. I've had COVID, then I only went back and did browsers and stuff. Yeah, just more. I look a bit better now. I've had my teeth done. Boobs are not wonky no more. New pussy. I've got to sample that on the internet. Get that shown off. What's that, man? New vagina, new porn. Exactly. Then I'll be joining you. I'll be celibate of like the whole fucking damage jabs gathering over there. Jumping in water, all the good stuff. I like that, you know, when I was in Mexico, it was gorgeous when we did our bodyboarding. Think of myself even fixing up from too much water in it because obviously I was hopeless at first. It's lux being like with nature and the sea and the sand. That's peace, innit? It's harmony. There's no... When you're in here, if you're stuck on only fans, you're doing porn. If I'm doing... There's constant on the move constant. It's lovely in here for a guy. He's got a cheeky salt lamp going on. They're called incense sticks, those things. Yeah, it's very nice. Nice energy. Yeah, it's all about the energy, innit? So I'm all about that, but it doesn't mean your life's fucking great, does it? Yeah. Because it's still fucking haywire up here. Oh, am I getting an incense stick? I'm trying to prove the house. Exactly. I can't sage my place because apparently you do that to get rid of demons and bad energy. Obviously you live there and meet X and he's absolutely burning to the ground to be fair. But... Because the sea energy sticks through walls. Yeah, but I can't up the windows. It's a floor. I've got to go to the air con. So there's no point. Nah, he went there fucking setting the fire alarms off. I've got to move out. I've passed that. For anybody watching, just be big and throw the madness in life of struggles. What advice would you have for them? Just keep going. I know... Do you know what? What's a really sad thing with Kirk Norcross on TikTok? Yeah, it was on my 5th Apple podcast. Sad, isn't it? But do you know what? He was so encouraging. I think just follow people like that who've had that experience and nothing lasts forever, no matter how bad or awful or place you're in. Even if all you do is literally wake up, eat, sleep, until something passes your mind. So just keep going. But it's easier said than done, isn't it? Yeah. Get the help you need. Get the therapy. Just... What would you say? Fucking take your own advice then. Get your own advice. But I'd just say, go with nature, man. Nature. Anything that you're feeling sad about. Dogs. Get the dogs. Yeah. That's your larger. Try and eliminate the bad things in life, the things that you're doing with that. Even drugs. Even sex. Listen, no matter what you say, porn star or not, it's still negative if it's not used in a positive way. I think go back to basics, isn't it? Just live a pure life. Get outside, eat, exercise, spend time with animals. Don't people that don't like animals are a bit weird. Do you, one of those people? Yeah, no, I've got a dog in the room. Oh! Can't wait to see. Yeah, yeah, mad bastard. Yeah, would you like to finish up on anything else, my dear? Not really. So yeah, that's been an absolute fucking pleasure. Thank you. Hope you stay good. Hope you get the therapy. Hopefully the next time you're on here, you'll be fucking new women. New women, you and me. Thank you for having me, bye.