 Anyway, so last night for those of you that weren't here, it's already been talked about in the prayer by the pastor's wife, but we did start out by looking at walking and wisdom in the world. We saw six keys, effective ways that we can walk in wisdom towards an unbelieving world. Then we secondly looked at walking and wisdom in the church. We talked about the woman's clothing in the church, her character in the church, her conduct in the church, her creative order, and so we looked at all those things. So this morning we're gonna continue on with the woman's role, but this time in the home, walking in wisdom in the home. And then remember after this, we're gonna be looking at walking in wisdom in your singleness, and I mentioned last night, this is not just for single women, this is for married women. In fact, I was going over the session this morning in the hotel room, and really it's applicable to everybody, even men actually. So, but they're not allowed in here. But it is, it's going to be, I think, hopefully very helpful to you, but I will speak specifically on each point to some pitfalls that I've personally seen among single women. I'm not picking on single women at all, so, and I'll clarify that. And then lastly, walking in wisdom in our calling, and so we're going to be considering how we can discern between godly wisdom and demonic wisdom as we walk according to the calling that we have been called to to be holy. So, for now, turning your Bibles to Colossians 3. Colossians 3, and we will be looking at verses 18 through 21, walking in wisdom in our home. So, let's pray as we begin. Father, what a gracious and glorious god you are. You are our papa daddy. You are a glorious father. You are a loving father, a compassionate father, a merciful father. And Lord, I'm so thankful that you have laid down for us in your word what the home should look like, how we should be living as women walking in wisdom in our home, and not just how we should be walking, but how our children should be walking in wisdom. And Lord, I know this morning, there are some young girls here that would be called children, and I pray they would also listen to this lesson very intently as to how they can walk in wisdom. And I pray for us who are married that we would pray for our husbands as we will deal with them also, that they would also walk in wisdom as head of our homes, Lord, that you would raise up spiritual heads and fathers that would lead their wives and their children in godliness. So Father, we pray for our homes, we pray for our children, we pray for America, Lord, the families that have been torn down through absent fathers and absent mothers, and pray, oh God, that you would raise up a generation of people that would desire to have a family that represents Christ in the church. So God, help us now, give us listening ears, give us open hearts to the truth of your word. I pray in Christ's name, amen. Well, the Christian home should be a place where the lost world can look inside our windows and our doors and see Jesus being represented. Wouldn't you believe that when you say that? And yet I'm concerned that some are looking into our homes and responding much like a seven-year-old girl who was once told the story of Cinderella. You know the Cinderella story, right? And how does it end? They live happily ever after to which the seven-year-old girl replied, oh no, they didn't, they got married. True, right? You know, it grieves my heart. The Christian family is not much different than the unbelieving family. Do you know divorce rates are about the same among Christians as they are among the unbelieving world? Child abuse takes place in the Christian home? I know because I've counseled people and actually hid their children in my home from an abusive father. Very little discipline takes place in the Christian home. Arguing and fighting, I talked to a lady the other day and supposedly a Christian, she said, my husband and I just fight and argue all the time. I said, that is not godly. That is not godly. And even the love of the world, this COVID-19 has really brought out among Christendom how much we love the world. We love the world. And the love of the world is predominant even in Christian homes and it shouldn't be. Ladies, Christendom has disgraced the name of Christ and we have failed to represent Christ in our homes. We have failed to be the example where Paul tells the church at Ephesus that the husband and wife relationship should be a representation of Christ and the church, right? So what does walking in wisdom in our homes look like? What does it look like? Well, Paul tells us in Colossians 3, 18 through 21 what it looks like. So let's read what he has to say. Wives, submit to your own husbands as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter against them. Children, obey your parents and all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, least they be discouraged. So we're gonna look at the responsibility of the wife to the husband, the husband to the wife, the children to the parents and then the responsibility of the parents to the children. So let's first of all, consider the responsibility of the wife to the husband. Paul says wives are to be submissive to their own husbands. Now I know I've probably given this definition of submission but it never hurts to hear it over and over and over again because we learn by repetition, right? So submission means in the Greek, to place in an orderly fashion under. The husband's the president, the wife is the vice president. The husband is the five star general, the wife is the four star general. Now this is very important, listen up because a lot of times when you talk about submission, this is not brought out. The Greek voice here indicates there is a willingness involved. It's in the middle voice. It's not in the active voice in the Greek. If it were in the active voice, then the husband can say, you must submit to me. That's not the tone here. You know some husbands, I know husbands that use the submission club, you know what that is? The Bible says you submit, so you submit. That's not the Greek voice here. And it's not in the passive voice either in the Greek because if it were in the passive voice, the wife would say, I'm forced to submit to you. That's not the attitude either we should have really, either one of us, right? So it's in the act or the middle voice which shows that this is a voluntary submission of the wife to the husband. Why? Because she sees it as God's will for her life. She wants to submit to her husband because she knows it's pleasing to the Lord. It's as if the Lord is asking her to do these things. And so she's willingly doing it. So the husband can't use the submission club and the wife can't say, I'm forced to do this. I'm doing this because the Bible tells me, you know, that's the only reason I'm doing this. That's not the attitude that either one of us should have. Now, it's a very different Greek word here in just a little bit. We'll see children obey your parents in the Lord. That Greek word is an absolute obey to listen under hupitasso. There's no wiggle room there unless the parent asks the child to sin but we'll talk about that in just a minute. Now, when I got married, believe me, I didn't have a clue what submission was. I mean, even though my mother was a very good role model, nobody was gonna tell me what to do, especially my husband. And so I created about 10 years of destruction in my home before the Lord saved me. And when the God saved me at the age of 30, I was like, oh, I gotta start submitting. That's what the Bible tells me to do. And I remember that once I started coming under the authority of my husband, that wow, it was so freeing. And I thought, why have I been fighting this all my life? And so it was very liberating for me and I'm very thankful that the Lord showed me the beauty of submission to my husband. Now, who do we submit to? Notice what Paul says. He says we are to submit to our own husband, not to another man's husband. One's enough, right? Think of the biblical world, you know? Sometimes the husband had many wives, can you imagine that? One, hopefully, hopefully your husband is one who loves you the way Christ loved the church. Hopefully he loves you, he cherishes you, he respects you, hopefully it's someone you have an intimate relationship with. But ladies, even if you don't, Peter tells you if you do not have a husband that is believing, you still are to submit to him and you win him over, not with a lot of nagging, but by your behavior, a meek and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. So even if you don't have a husband who is a believer and loves you the way Christ loved the church, you still are to be submissive to him. Now you might say, well, Susan, why do we have to do this? Why do we submit or how do I submit? Notice what Paul says. We submit as it is fitting in the Lord. The word fit there means it's proper. It's our duty, it's our obligation. It is his will and notice it's to the Lord, the Lord. He's our master, he's our controller, right? Ladies, we are slaves of Christ. We are his servants and so to be submissive to our husbands should not be a burden to us. It shouldn't be irksome to us. It's the proper thing to do before the Lord. That's God's will for your life. I mean, sometimes women will come to me and say, how do I know God's, in fact, I've already seen one of the questions for today. Somebody wants to know how they can know if it's God's will for them to do a certain thing. Well, sometimes they go, what is God's will for your life? Well, right here, here's one of God's will for your life if you're married, right? And it's to be voluntarily submissive to your husband with a proper attitude. In fact, my husband has often said what I'm getting ready to say to you and I have found through the years, he's exactly right. He has said this, a woman's submission is the main part of her sanctification. And I really believe that. I had a man one time tell me, he said, your submission to your husband is a beautiful thing. And I thought, that's a weird thing to say. But then I found out later, his wife was not submissive at all. And I thought, well, no wonder he said that. It was probably kind of a hint, you know? Did you get that, honey? But anyway, so ladies, I think it would be wise to carefully examine yourself and see if you're growing in this part of your sanctification. You know, I believe husbands and children are the greatest tools that God uses to sanctify us as women. I'm not telling, I'm not kidding you. They are, and you know, so it is the biggest part of our sanctification. Now, I will say this, submission is not easy at times. It is very difficult at times. And excuse me, it will be difficult until glory. Why? Because of the curse, right? In Genesis three, remember when Adam and Eve sinned? We talked a little bit about that last night. Remember when they sinned and everybody got a curse. Satan got a curse, Adam got a curse, and Eve got two. And one was pain and childbearing, right? And it's not just the delivery process. It is, I mean my kids are, my daughter's gonna be 40 this week and my son's 43 and they're still pain in the childbirth, I'm telling you. And so I pray for my kids. I was praying for them this morning. I pray for my grandchildren. There's always pain, it never leaves. And the second one was that your desire, Eve, is that you're gonna want to control your husband. You're gonna wanna control it. But guess what? He's going to rule over you. And so that's part of the curse. And so if we get to heaven and Eve's there, then we need to have a chat with her, I guess. I don't know, I guess by then it won't matter. But this is going to be a struggle. Even though my husband would say I'm a submissive wife, don't fool yourself. Sometimes in my mind I'm going, oh, okay, honey, whatever, you know, and I have to allow the Lord sometimes to help me to have that attitude of, yes, this is a voluntary submission. And sometimes I do make gracious appeals. I'll say, you know, I'm really uncomfortable with this decision you're getting ready to make. And could we pray about this for a couple of weeks and talk about it again? And just to give it a little more time if it's not an urgent thing. So it will be a battle that you will have because you want your own way, quite frankly, right? We all want our own way. We love ourself, right? We wake up thinking about ourself. And so we don't like to submit to anyone as evidence by what's going on in our world today. Now I do want to be very clear. Just because we are submissive to our husbands does not imply that we are inferior. In Christ there is no male or female, no bond or free, right? We are all one in Christ Jesus. Yet, ladies, listen very carefully. We must have authorities over us, right? Wives have husbands, children have parents, children have teachers they need to submit to even though they don't anymore. Employees should submit to employers, right? Citizens to governing authorities. And yes, even wives to husbands. You know, even Jesus submitted himself to the Father as well, have you thought about that? Even the very son of God was submissive. Nevertheless, not what I want. And that what he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. Not what I want, but what you want. And he knew it was the Father's will for him to be submissive. And yet Jesus was not inferior, right? He was not inferior. So the role of the wife is to be submissive to her husband and to do it with a proper attitude. So what is the responsibility of the husband to the wife? Notice what Paul says. Husbands, love your wives. Don't be bitter towards them. They have a two-fold responsibility, two-fold command. They're to love their wives number one and they're not to be bitter towards them. Now, the love here is not phileo. Husbands don't need to be told to be affectionate, right? Most of them don't. So the Greek word is not phileo here. It is agape, agape. It's not a sexual love. It's not an emotional love, but our husbands are commanded to love us willingly and looking out for our needs, not our wants. I remember one of the most sobering things my husband first told me after we got married and I thought it was kind of mean, but then later on I thought that was really a wise thing he said, speaking of walking and wisdom. Because I was kind of emotionally out of control the first 10 years of our marriage and I would cry at the simplest things. And he said, Susan, God did not make me to meet all your emotional needs. So don't keep looking to me to meet them. And I'm like, why not? You know, and I was, you know. And then the older when I got saved then I grew in the Lord, I go, he's exactly right. God did not create my husband to meet all my emotional needs. But my husband is to love me and look out for my needs. And he's very careful to do that. And I'm very thankful that he does. Now it's also in the present imperative in the Greek which means they are to keep on loving us even when we're not lovely. And ladies, that can be often, can it? In my opinion, the husband has the greater command and the more difficult command than the wife. Husbands should exercise compassionate care and the wife is to respond willingly. Now ladies, it's true the husband makes final decisions but the method of reaching that decision leaves ample room for mutual deliberation and gentle conversation. I hope that you're in a marriage where you sit down and you and your husband discuss decisions that need to be made. That's the way it should be done. As I said, the husband shouldn't be out using the submission club and just saying, this is what we're gonna do and I don't really care what you think. That's not a godly husband. A godly husband will sit down and say, what do you think about this? I'm thinking we should do this. What do you think? What do you see as the pros and the cons? Sometimes the husband's decision might prevail. At other times he might think about what the wife says and you know, that's a really good idea. That's what we should do and neither one of them should be threatened by that. In fact, in the sister epistle, look over at Ephesians where Paul writes something very similar in Ephesians 5.25. He says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the word. That he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies, right? That's a huge command. Ladies, do you love your husband the way you love yourself? Your own body? And so husbands are to love us the way Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? Well, he died for her, he spilled his blood for her, he endured extreme pain and persecution for her, he left her instructions on how to live and follow him, he protects the church, he wants fellowship with the church and ladies, Christ loves the church even though many times we as his bride are unlovely and sinful, right? Often we don't show our devotion to the Lord and yet he still loves us. Ladies, that's a huge responsibility for your husband. He is to love you the way Christ loved the church, pouring out grace and mercy even when we don't deserve it. Ladies, this demands a death to our husbands, a death to themselves and quite frankly I know that I can be unlovely at times and so I've probably made this command difficult for my husband to obey from time to time, I'm sure, especially as we've been locked down for four months together. It's like, I'm sure he was about ready for me to come to Florida as I was. Like, when's your next trip, you know? So we both work out of the home. So I'm just kidding, we have really, I don't think we've had one disagreement since COVID-19, but we don't fight. I mean, it's very rare that we have disagreement maybe once or twice a year but it's usually settled pretty quickly. Ladies, it's absurd for a Christian husband to demand submission of his wife if he does not radically love her. Likewise, it's ridiculous for a wife who is not submissive to demand such love from her husband. Now, secondly, the husband has another command, not to be bitter. Actually, it says stop being bitter and the word bitter here means something in taste. A husband should not call his wife honey and then act like vinegar. Shouldn't do it. Your husband should not be harsh, cross, or resentful towards you as his wife. Now, I have to say when I first memorized Colossians, which was when I was 18, but when I got saved at the age of 30 and started really looking at Colossians and studying it, I had to scratch my head, you know, on this. I'm like, I don't get this. And the reason I didn't get it is because of a lot of reasons, but I've met a lot of women who are bitter towards their husbands. They're bitter, they're resentful, they really hate their husbands. I remember asking a woman one time how she rated herself on a zero to 10 of loving her husband, zero meant she hate him, 10 meant she loved him, red hot, passionate love, and you know what she told me? She said, I'm a zero, I hate him. I was like, oh boy, we got some work to do. And by the time we went through The Excellent Wife, I asked her that question again, I said, do you love your husband? She goes, yes, I'm at a seven. I'm like, yes, we've made progress. So that's really scary when, in fact, I had one woman tell me, you know, in Martha Peace's book where it says, do you wish to purchase a gun and kill your husband? She said, yes, I do. And I said, really? Like, okay, well, mm-hmm. You know, our discipleship's over. I hope you don't have one, but that's a scary thing. And so I've seen a lot of bitter women, but you know, I don't counsel men unless my husband is with me. We counsel couples together, but I don't counsel men at all, unless he is there and I let him do all the talking. But I hadn't met a lot of bitter men, and maybe it's just because I'm not around them in that way, but I started thinking about it. What causes men to be bitter towards their wives? Well, when we're not submissive, when we're disrespectful, I know the one thing my husband desires from me more than anything else is honor and respect of him. More so than I think anything else. If I ever dishonor him or disrespect him, in any way, that's really a sore point with him. I think bitterness can also result when women defraud their husbands sexually. I have also seen husbands become bitter when a friend or a child takes precedent over their relationship. This happens quite a bit where girlfriends are more important than the husband or a child becomes more important than the husband. I know there are times when bitterness happens to no fault of the wife, but because the husband thinks he's the head honcho, you know, superior to his wife, and so he's harsh and mean towards her. But ladies, a husband is not to treat his wife as an object. She's not an inferior person in the home. Also another thing, I think husbands can become bitter when wives continually nag, nag at them. Try to be their mother, try to be their holy spirit. Says it's better in Proverbs if a man dwell in the corner of a house than with a contentious wife. So if you wanna know what nagging your husband looks like, go home and turn your faucet on and let it drip continually. I had that happen one time and I was like, oh my goodness, I never wanna nag my husband again because that is driving me nuts. Listening to that drip, drip, drip, drip. And that's what the Proverbs says. That's what you're like. Ladies, leave your husband's spiritual growth up to the Lord. Let me tell you, it's a lot more freeing. I remember when the Lord finally showed me, Susan just leave Doug heck up to me. I can take care of it, Mike. That's so freeing, take care of him, Lord. And you know, I've got enough to take care about my own spiritual walk. And so don't nag your husband, don't be his mother, don't be his holy spirit. Well, the husband and the wife are not the only ones who Paul gives command to as we think about walking and wisdom in the home but now he gives a command to the children. I'm glad to see several young girls here today. So we turn from the responsibility of the husband and wife to the responsibility of the children. Children, obey your parents in all things. So obey comes from two Greek words, listen under. To listen under. Ladies, children, listen carefully. Obedience begins with listening. Listen to the instructions of your parents. How many times does Solomon say in the proverbs, listen my son, listen my son, listen, listen. Some of you in this room have not trained your children to listen. Go clean your room. You know, and 20 minutes later, they still haven't cleaned their room. Have your child repeat what you just, don't give them two commands, especially if they're little. They don't say clean your room, brush your teeth, make your bed and clean up your new room. They're gonna go, what, what? One command at a time, especially for a small child. But have them repeat it. We had a child that just, you know, she would forget. And she got disciplined for that because I'd go to her upstairs and she hadn't cleaned her room yet. And I said, I told you 20 minutes to go to clean your room. I forgot, well, I haven't forgot to whip you. So I did. And but sometimes some children, what did mommy just say? Oh, you just told me to go clean my room. Now that's what I expect you to do, go clean your room. And you maybe have to set a timer. And if they don't, you need to follow through with discipline. So obedience starts with listening. It says to listen under, listen under the instruction of your parents. Ladies, children should obey the spoken word. I have been in Christian gatherings that I have just been horrified where children of Christian parents tell their parents no, the mother gives a command, the child completely ignores her or him and they do nothing about it. I remember one time in my husband's first church, we had a very close couple friend and we hung out with him a lot. And they had a little boy about Cindy's age, my daughter. And they came over quite often and he was a pretty rambunctious little child and he was taking the toys off the floor and throwing them at my Benjamin Ficus tree, which was a live tree. And I was like, Jeremiah, don't do that. We don't throw toys at trees. Well, he just looked at me and picked up that toy and went just like that. And I was waiting for the parents to do something. They did nothing. My husband went up to him, pulled him up by his arm and whacked him a few times. I was like, oh, there's the end of that friendship. And it wasn't, in fact, we were just at a funeral together last week and they hugged us and it's been 40-some years and we've met them from time to time. We're in different places now, but they're still our friends. But I was very clear on my instruction. Jeremiah, do not throw that toy at my plant. I mean, we've had children in our home from Christian parents walking as we're eating dinner, walking on the table while we're eating, throwing toys at my grandfather clock, which has glass, that kind of stuff. And the parents do nothing. Ladies, that breaks my heart. Not just for the child, but for the parent, the parent. Ladies, it's exasperating to you as a parent and do you know it's a matter of your child's eternal soul? Have you ever thought about that? You might say, Susan, that's a little extreme. No, it's not. The Bible says it is. Proverbs 23, 13, 14 warns us, do not withhold correction from your child for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. Beat him with a rod and deliver his soul. Here's the word from hell, from hell. Ladies, I had a father who believed in discipline and I'm still living, so I'm here. If you do not demand obedience from your child, what makes you think they're gonna obey the Lord? They're gonna come to this book. Oh, God says I should just, eh, eh. Who cares? My mom gave me 20 chances with that. Why do I have to listen to what the Lord says? They will look at all commands, whether at home, church, school, work, as optional because they have not been taught that from their inception, from birth. In fact, the other day, the young couple, we disciple at church and she was telling me that she'd had some issues with the child the day before and I said, spank her. Because they were at my house the night before, discipling, we were upstairs and her little girl hit her on the arm and, or hit her in the face, actually through a toy in her face and she swattered her and I said, good. She should not be hitting you. And so she said, oh man, we had a rough day yesterday. I said, well, did you beat her? I didn't mean literally, abuse her, but did you spank her? And ladies, they need to be taught that from inception. Some are careful to follow the Lord in his word but fail to follow this command and why I do not know. I do not know, but what I see now is parents want to be their children's friends. They want to be their peers. They are afraid of their children. I don't know how we got indoctrinated with that worldly type of thinking. But ladies, if you want to walk in wisdom in your home, you need to do what God says, regarding parenting your child. Now the command here for the child is continuous obedience. So the child must obey even though they don't feel like it. Just like a woman must submit to her husband, even though she may not feel like it. And by the way, ladies, walking in wisdom in your home, your child will follow what you do. So if you're not submissive to your husband, don't expect your child to be submissive to you. I was in a home one time where a child was really disrespectful to her father and another woman went over to her and she said, I don't wanna see you talking to your mom like that again or to your dad. Do not talk to your father like that again, very disrespectful. And she looked at her and she said, why not? Mommy does it. Very telling on the home. Ladies, if you want your child to obey and come under your authority, then you be respectful and come under your husband's authority. Ladies, when my kids were growing up, they still remember this. And I've told my daughter, she goes, I tell those verses to my kids too, all the time. I said, good. And remind your children what the Bible says about disobedience. I used to tell my children what the Bible says in Deuteronomy 21 that a son who doesn't obey the voice of his father and the mother, they take him out and they stoned him to death. I mean, it was very serious. Rebellion was very serious in the Old Testament. And even the proverb that talks about the child that doesn't, that mocks the father and the mother, the eagle comes and plucks out his eye. So I used to tell my children that. And, but I wanted to remind my children the danger of disobedience. God looks at it as very serious. And, you know, MacArthur, John MacArthur was right. That is one of the reasons we're having the riots, the breakdown of the home. Where are the parents of these teenagers that are doing these things? What kind of training have they been brought up with? Ladies, children are to listen under their parents. This doesn't mean we scream and yell at our kids. Ladies, it doesn't mean we give time out. There should be punishment involved in disobedience. And often when I'm discipling a young woman who doesn't discipline, I will ask her, do you love your child? Oh yeah, I love her, him. I go, no, you don't. No, you don't. Because the Bible says what? Whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives. And it talks about earthly fathers who corrected their sons. In fact, Proverbs 30 says, for whom the Lord loves, he corrects, even as a father does, is son in whom he delights, he loves. You love your children so much that you correct them, right? You discipline them. But ladies, it's not only discipline. We also train them in things of the Lord, the words. We tell them why we're doing what we're doing. You don't just discipline a child and let them go. You say, do you see what you did? Do you see what God says about what you just did? How serious it is that you disrespected me or you disobeyed me or whatever they did. Show them from God's word. We need to take time to train our children and teach them the things of the Lord. God disciplines us, it's painful. I have been disciplined by the Lord many times. And I'm sure you have too. Whom the Lord loves, he disciplines. How many of you have been disciplined by the Lord? It is not fun. But you know what? Hebrew says it yields what? Righteousness, right? It yields righteousness. Same thing when you discipline your children. It yields righteousness. And so we need to train our children. Now, I will say this very cautiously, but I say this. I believe there's one exception to this command as there would be for even a wife in her submission to her husband. And that would be if a parent would ever ask a child to sin or if a husband would ever ask a wife to sin against the Lord. Jesus makes it very clear that some children will be more loyal to Christ than to their parents because of living righteously. He says, I didn't come to sin peace, but a sword. There'll be five and a half, three against two and two against three, a mother against a daughter, daughter against a mother, mother-in-law against a daughter-in-law, father against a son. I mean, it goes on and tells all the relationship children to the parents. Now, I will say this. That would be where a young child would probably not know if a parent was asking him or her to sin. But an older child who can discern between right and wrong would know and that would be a very difficult situation and it would need a lot of counseling and help there, but I would never counsel a child or a teenager to disobey the Lord in order to obey their parents. And so, unfortunately, as I said, some young children may not even recognize that. Now, Paul gives a motivation for this command to the children and that is their obedience is they do this because it's pleasing the Lord. It's acceptable to him just like the wife's submission to her husband is pleasing to the Lord. Ladies, remind your children of this. Remind them of the Old Testament. Honor your father or mother that your days may be long on the land. By the way, this is also in Ephesians. Children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father or mother, which is the first command with promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth. I had a brother that died about, I guess it's been about four years now, three to four years and there's seven of us and he, this is really true. He was not, I didn't honor my parents in any way at all and very disobedient, very dishonoring to my father and my mother. And it's very clear, first commandment with the promise that it will go well with you. It didn't go well with my brother. Live long on the earth, he didn't live long. So this is a truth, God is not a God who lies. So teach your children that, it'll go well with you. You'll live long, you'll be blessed but if you disobey, it will not. I mean, look at these kids now that are doing this stuff. It's not going well with them, is it? It's not going well with what they are doing. Now, there's one more command to look at that will fulfill the walking and wisdom in the home and it's found in verse 21. Fathers, do not provoke your children, least they become discouraged. Now, in order for us to understand this command, we must realize in the New Testament things were very different into the father-child relationship. A father could do about anything he wanted with his children. He could sell them, he could turn them into slaves, he could even take their lives if he wanted to. But for the Christian father, Christ comes in and changes even culture. Ladies, we always, always follow Christ over culture. Always, okay? So don't let anyone else tell you anything different. Now, perhaps when you first looked at this command for fathers to not provoke their children, you thought, well, good, I'm off the hook. No, because the Greek word is parents. Parents, do not provoke your children. Now, what does it mean to provoke them? Well, it means to nag them, nag them, agitate them by unreasonable demands. Now, some translations say don't provoke your children to anger, but the words to anger are not in the original. However, it reads, don't provoke them, least they become discouraged. But in the Ephesians passage, it does say anger. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath or to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. So ladies, instead of nagging our kids, we're to nurture them, which means we train by chastening and admonishing them with words, with God's words. Ladies, you're your own enemy when you constantly yell at your children. You know, constantly yelling and nagging. It's exhausting. Just give them a command. They don't do it, you know, take care of it, and then life is gonna be so much more peacefully. You know, parenting isn't hard if you'll do it God's way. It really is not. If you don't do it God's way, it's exhausting. It's completely exhausting. Now, Paul gives a reason why we should not provoke them, and it's so they won't be discouraged. This means so they won't be disheartened, dismayed without courage or without spirit. Ladies, if you constantly nag your children, they become spiritless. I've seen this. I've seen this on children's faces of Christians parents. They're sad, they're disillusioned, they're angry, they're angry children because their parents are constantly nagging them. Ladies, we should create an atmosphere of love and confidence that will make obedience easy and natural. You should be spending time with your children. You should be loving your children. You should be doing things with your children, training them in the things of the Lord so that they know that that obedience will become easier for them. Now, how much time do I have? Anybody know? How many? Seven minutes, okay, fast as a bunny here. I would like to give you some ways real quickly how we do this, how we discourage our children. You might say, why don't you give me some ways about how my husband can love me the way Christ loved the church because I'm gonna go home and tell him what you said. Well, I'm not gonna do that, but I'm not even gonna tell you how you can be more submissive because, but I do wanna give you because I do think these are very important. Number one, I think one of the ways we discourage our children is by overprotection, overprotection. Ladies, your child should have some freedoms. He should be able to go to the bathroom without saying, mommy, I'm going to the bathroom now especially as he gets a little older. Give him some freedoms. Don't have so many rules and regulations that he feels smothered by you. Secondly, don't show favoritism. When our kids were growing up, Cindy used to say, you love Charles more than me and you know what, she was right. But now Doug said she's the favorite child because Charles was compliant, she was not. She was a rebel and after God saved her, now she's become one of my best friends. But don't treat your children with favoritism, giving one special treats, but the other not. Special time with mom, but the other one doesn't get special time with mom. They'll feel unloved, feel frustrated. We have an example of that with Isaac and Rebecca, remember? Isaac loved Esau, Rebecca loved Jacob and what was the results? Disaster, disaster, don't do that. And sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it is hard not to love in your heart one child above another because of their behavior or personality, but I would really encourage you not to show favoritism. Thirdly, the third way we can discourage them or make them angry is by depreciating their worth. I'm not saying that I'm not advocating a child-centered home. They should not have all your attention, but they should have some of your attention. I am appalled when I go out in public, especially before COVID-19. Now you don't see a lot of kids out in public, but in airports or restaurants, and they're eating together or they're at the airport waiting for a flight, and children are running all over the place. And you know what mommy's doing? And the kids are going, mommy, mommy, and the mom's completely ignoring the children. It's funny to go to restaurants and you see a family of six and they're all on their phones. Ladies, talk to your children. They're great human beings. They're fun to talk to. Don't depreciate their worth. Number four, don't set unrealistic goals. Don't make your child into what you want them to be. I know parents that do that. They put pressure on their children to the point that a lot of kids commit suicide. They cannot live up to their parents' unrealistic goals. Have goals for them that are biblical and scriptural, but not goals that you want for them. Number five, lack of affection. This is one of the concerns I've had about COVID-19. Social distance, don't hug. Well, I'm so glad you got it. In fact, everybody I've come to, I go, are you hugging? Okay, good. So I'm gonna hug. And we're hugging in our church too. But you know, lack of affection. I had a woman one time that I disciple. She said, I don't like touching my kids. And I said, well, get over it. You need to be hugging your children. I made that a homework assignment for her. Your children need affection. Ladies, give your children affection, love them. Tell them you love them. Even if you're not a huggy person. John Newton, that great preacher and hymn writer, he once said this. He wrote Amazing Grace. He said this, I know that my father loved me, but he did not seem to wish me to see it. What a sad thing. What a sad thing. Ladies, older women are to teach young women how to love their children. And so hug your children, love them, show them affection. Number six, provide further, or number six way you discourage them is not providing for their needs. Children need clothes, they need food, they need a place to play. Again, one of my concerns about COVID-19 all up in their homes. Can't, you know, all the playground equipment was taken away for a while in Oklahoma and now it's back up, but children need to run and play and be children. Let them be children. Provide for their needs. When you're old and perhaps in a nursing home, would you like to be treated with the same respect you now show your children? Provide for their needs. Number seven, lack of standards and boundaries. Ladies, just leave your child to himself and disaster will set in. Proverbs 29, 15 says the rod and rebuke give wisdom, but his child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Ladies, they, children need boundaries. They need standards. That gives them security. I am grateful for my dad who disciplined me. Don't be afraid to have guidelines, have rules for the children and expect them to obey them. Number eight, criticism. Someone once wisely said if a child lives with criticism he'll learn to condemn. He will learn to condemn. Don't be always criticizing them. When my daughter was younger, before she came to faith in Christ, I really had a difficult time loving her and one of my disciples told me, she said, Susan, every day, every day I want you to praise your daughter for one thing. I was like, really? I don't know if I can find one thing to pray. She said, no, every day. I want you to find something good about your daughter and I want you to verbally tell her. And you know what? I did, I found it. And it was a good exercise for me to stop criticizing her and instead giving her some type of praise for something that she did right. Number nine, neglect. Neglect, just neglect your kids and watch what happens. Absalom and David are good examples of this, right? David was indifferent to his son that led to civil war, right? And rebellion. Now again, ladies, I don't think you should have been enslaved to every whim of your child. You don't, you know, in fact, when I was younger I used to do cross-stitching when my husband was in seminary and I made this cross-stitch thing that said if a woman's place is in the home, why am I always in the car? And I thought, that's really true. And I think we do an injustice when we went our kids here and there and when our kids were growing up they were allowed one extracurricular activity whether it was soccer or gymnastics but I was not gonna be running them everywhere. I wanted them to be home but I also wanted them to have some especially physical activity that they could do but don't neglect them. Number 10, excessive discipline. Verbally being abusive, emotionally, physically. I hear parents say things to their children they would never say to anyone else. You idiot, you stupid, I wish you'd never been born. You know, why can't you act differently? I hear it in the grocery store, restaurants, airports. Also some spanking their kids to the point of abuse. One man writing to a friend of his who thought his friend was too harsh and the treatment of his son said this. I was reminded by this example of excessive severity to write to you as one friend to another. Least you on some occasion treat your son too harshly and strict. Remember, he is a boy and that you were once a boy and perform your duty as a father always remembering that you are a human being and the father of a human being. Ladies, you don't wanna be excessive in your discipline. Number 11, hypocrisy. Just be a hypocrite, be a hypocrite. Be somebody different at church than you are at home and you will discourage your children. Lie, you know, I hear parents, I was in a home one time where the phone rang and the mother said to the daughter, tell them mommy's not at home. When the phone call was over I said, do you realize what you just did? You not only lie but now you're teaching your daughter to lie and guess what? That daughter is now older and married to a man who used to be a woman or a woman who used to be a man, I don't know what it is now but and she lies about everything. Or you can stress the importance of being in God's house and let the littlest thing keep you from being in the Lord's house. Ladies, double standards are very frustrating to children. They will be angry. In fact, I was talking to a young woman, she told me she was extremely bitter towards her parents and I said, why are you so bitter towards your parents? And she said because they're hypocrites. What you see them here in the church, they're not like that at home. And she was angry. Ladies, God's words without God actions is hypocrisy. So what is the responsibility of the wife to the husband real quickly? We submit because it is the Lord's desire for us. What is the responsibility of the husband to the wife to love her and not be bitter towards her? What is the responsibility of the children to the parents to obey them? The responsibility of the parents to the children not provoke them. It's a beautiful picture, right? That Paul paints here for us in Colossians. Sounds blissful, right? Is it a picture of your home this past week? Our home should reflect Christ, right? And if they don't, there's a problem. Ladies, I know in my closing remarks I cannot admonish your husband and I cannot admonish your children, but I can admonish you as a woman. If your family does not see Christ in you at home, there should be serious concern. If you are not doing your God-given part to be the wife and the mother he's called you to be, there should be some serious concern. If you are not graciously submitting to your husband, there should be cause for concern. If you are not disciplining your children as God commands, there should be cause for serious concern. If you are provoking and discouraging your children, there should be cause for concern. We must be walking in wisdom in our home, right? That's where our Christianity really shows itself in our home. As Charles Haddon Spurgeon says, what you are at home is what you are, right? That's who you're like. It's not what you are this weekend. As you're with 120 women, I think there are that love Jesus and are excited to be out of their homes and into a place where we can study God's word together. So as we close this lesson, I would actually like to pray a prayer that is actually a hymn about the Christian home, okay? So you can bow your heads or you can just listen as I read. Oh, give us homes built firm upon the Savior where Christ is head and counselor and guide, where every child is taught his love and favor and gives his heart to Christ the crucified. How sweet to know that though his footsteps waver, his faithful Lord is walking by his side. Oh, give us homes with godly fathers and mothers who always place their hope and trust in him whose tender patient turmoil never bothers, whose calm and courage trouble cannot dim, a home where finds joy in serving others and love still shines though days be dark and grim. Oh, give us homes where Christ is Lord and master, the Bible read, the precious hymn still sung, where prayer comes first in peace or in disaster and praises natural speech to every tongue, where mountains move before a faith that's vaster and Christ is sufficient for the old and young. Oh Lord, oh, our God, our homes are yours forever. We trust to you their problems, toil and care, their bonds of love no enemy can sever, you are always Lord and master there. Be the center of our least endeavor, be our guest, our hearts and our homes to share. Oh God, may that be the heart's desire of each and every woman here. I pray in Christ's name, amen.