 J.T. S.L.L.O. The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Jerry Cole. Tomorrow is the first day of summer, the season for light refreshing meals, and one of the best ways to make them light and refreshing is to serve Jell-O often. No matter how warm the weather is, everybody will welcome a cool, quivering mold of colorful Jell-O. For Jell-O's extra-rich fruit flavor is just the refreshing note on which to finish any meal. And don't forget too that Jell-O makes marvelous summer salads. But whether you serve Jell-O for salad or dessert, be sure you get the real thing, genuine Jell-O. And you'll find genuine Jell-O on the shelves of grocers all over the country. And now we would like to take this opportunity to extend the best wishes of Jell-O to the National Retail Grocers of the annual convention in Boston this week. And we'd also like to thank the Retail Grocers of America for helping to make Jell-O the fastest selling gelatin dessert in the entire world today. So next time you go to your grocer, ask him for genuine Jell-O that was Jerry Cole played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, this being Father's Day, we bring you Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, I appreciate your being topical, but what is the idea of connecting me with Father's Day? I mean, what was the inference then? Well, Jack, speaking for the entire cast, we feel that you've helped, guided, and inspired us throughout our long association, so we look up to you now as a father. Oh, thanks, Don. Thanks for a minute there. I thought you were kidding about my age. Oh, no, I wouldn't do that, Jack. Why, we all have to reach that rocking chair stage. Well, old rocking chair ain't got me yet. Oh, but you better dust it off. Now, Don, lay off her Papa Spain. Imagine me putting Wilson over my knee. Is there a Derek in the house? Anyway, Don, it was sweet of you all to regard me as a father on this day. Ah, here comes one of my children now. Hello, Mary. Hello, Daddy, and I don't mean sugar. Oh, now, Mary, don't you start kidding, because this is really one day the old man gets a break. Say, Jack. What? Why do they always have fathers' day in the middle of the month? So he can enjoy his present before he gets the bill. Wow. By the way, what did you send your father this year? A check. You know me, Mary, a nice, fat check. What'd you send your dad? A poem. You can't cash that, either. A poem? Well, well. You want to hear it? No, I don't. And I'm glad I'm not your father. So is Mama. Certainly quick on the trigger today. My goodness. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Pop, and I don't mean soda. Well, at least you know what day this is. That's a surprise. Much to me, too. Say, Jack, I had a heck of a time picking out a present for my father. I didn't know what to get him. Well, it's just a thought, Kenny. Why didn't you take him out and buy him a nice dinner? Oh, he hasn't got much of an appetite. He hasn't, huh? Well, why didn't you buy him a tie? He hasn't got much of a neck, either. Well, that is a problem. Say, why didn't you get him some handkerchief? He hasn't got a nose. I'll scream. What? Gee, I don't know what to get. Well, give him a sleeping powder. And when he wakes up, it'll be tomorrow. You know, Jack, I don't want to brag. But I think I sent my dad a real novelty. You did? What was it, Don? Said he, pulling into the trap. Well, uh, I shopped around until I found half a dozen neckties, each one corresponding in color to a different flavor of jello. Oh, you know, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Oh, yes, there's nothing like a lemon necktie. Oh, nothing. Oh, wasn't that clever of me? Yes, but, Don, don't you ever think of anything besides jello? Well, I think of my wife. I bet he's a strawberry blonde. Mary, that's not nice. Oh, hello, Phil. Hello, Jack, and I don't mean what you owe me. Say, what is this, anyway? Jack, did you see my act at the Paramount Theater this week? Why, sure, Phil, and you're doing a swell job. I was there Thursday night with Mary. We went Thursday afternoon. Oh, that's right, Thursday afternoon. It's cheaper, then. Uh, quiet. But I want to tell you, Phil, you're certainly doing great business considering the hot weather. Oh, yes, the house has jammed every performance. And you know, Phil, I like the way they advertise your act in front of the theater. What does it say? 20 degrees cooler inside. Oh. I don't see how you boys can play such hot music in such a cool place. We got an oil stove in the tuba. Why don't you put long underwear on the piano? I'm wearing that. Oh, excuse me. Hello? Yes, speaking. Well, gee, that's great. What time? Oh, sure, I'll be right over. Goodbye. Well, fellas, you'll have to carry on without me. Why, what's the matter? I got to go rush right over at the studio. They finally got to me, and they're shooting my big scene today. Well, congratulations. Good luck, Jack. I better get right over there. So long, fellas. So long. Oh, now, wait a minute, Jack. You've got to hear my father's day poem first. But, Mary, this is important, too. They're waiting for me. Let him wait. Dear old father, dear old father. Mary, I've got to go. I love to sing your praise and to bring you fondest greetings on this day of days of days. Look, Mary, I've got to go. Next time you get by the score, some are new and some are torn. And cigars, you get galore, eny, meny, many more. Mary, even if this was good, I have to go. This is the last verse. Oh. Happy New Year, dear old father. New Year. How'd that get in there? Happy, happy, dear old father. When you're happy, I am, too. So be happy, dear old Pappy. Get up and do the Susie Q. Susie Q, can I go now? Uh, one more verse. Oh, no. So long, fellas. He wouldn't say that. Long, fella. Sing, canny. Behold the world, for what greater treasure can I pose another? I would shed a million, miss her past, like you appear. Never in a million years from the picture, Wake Up and Live, sung by Kenny Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we will switch you over to Jack Benny's dressing room at the Paramount Studio and see what's going on. Take it away. Oh, Mr. Westmore. Yes? Look, Wally, I don't want to tell you your business, but don't you think you put too much makeup on my cheeks? Well, I lost my glasses, and I can't see a thing without them. That's too bad. Why, only this morning, I put W.C. Field's nose on Marlene Dietrich. Oh, well, she'll find out when she sneezes. Gee, I hope I look all right. Now, let me see. Where did I put that powder puff? It's in my ear. Oh, yes. I'm always leaving that around. Oh, Rochester. Rochester. Yes, sir, boss? Did you lay out my full dress suit? Yes, sir. Did you? You mean the one with the red stripes? No, the black one with the tail. You've been pressing the pants for an hour. Are they done yet? Yes, sir. They're done to a crisp. And shine my shoes, too. Oh, Mr. Westmore. Yes? I wish you had your glasses. You got too much eye shadow on my lips. Whoever heard of blue lips? Don't worry. They'll photograph green. Green lips, that's fine. If I pucker them up, I'll look like an artichoke. Fine mess. Now, let me see. Where are my tweezers? Oh, yes, here they are. What are you going to do, pluck my eyebrows? No, just loosen them. Hold still now. She loves me. Ow. She loves me not. Ow. She loves me. Hey, is there any other way you can find out? Gee, where'd you think I had petals? Now, what next? Oh, yes, shall I put on your toupee? No, I don't think I need one. I have hair enough, haven't I? Yes, if you're going to play the part of a coconut. Well, where did Goldil I see the script, anyway? Well, I guess that's all. So long. So long. Hey, that's the window. It's too late now. Goodbye. See, my makeup doesn't look so bad at that. Gee, I wish they'd sent for me and get started shooting. Operator, get me Mr. Walsh, the director on stage five. Walsh, Walsh, like in Rarebit. Come in. Pardon me, Mr. Benny, but did I leave my tweezers hanging in your eyebrow? Just a minute, I'll look. Oh, yes, here they are. I thought it was an eclipse. Thanks. Gee, what a careless guy. Oh, hello, Mr. Walsh. This is Jack Benny. Are you ready for me yet? Well, I'm, yes, but, well, I'm not used to being kept waiting, you know. No, no, no, I'm not trying to rush you, but I think that, but I think that, but I think that, oh, goodbye. These directors are so independent. Hey, Rochester, are you shining my shoes? Yes, but this tan polish don't seem to take on patent leather. Well, keep on, I got to have them. OK, but you better wear long spats. That's fine. Oh, hello, fellas. Hi, Jack. Talk to me, come over and see you. Are you surprised? Yeah, well, Mary, I'm already made up and ready to shoot. How do I look? You look like a rainbow that got caught in an egg beater. Well, it's that darn makeup, man. He forgot his glasses. Well, by the way, Jack, what's your picture all about? Well, Don, the way the story goes, as I understand it, I'm married to Ida Lupino, but Gail Patrick is also in love with me because she thinks that my wife is crazy about Richard Arland. I see. You do? Well, but Richard, you see, whose secretary has been going around with my uncle, is nuts about Ida Lupino's sister, who is infatuated with the yacht club boys. You know, the eternal triangle. But Jack, that sounds as though it would be very confusing to an audience. Well, the whole thing is explained by a big dance number. Who's going to do the dance? Einstein? It's not that complicated. Gee, it's all clear to me. There, you see? Well, I can't make head and tail of it, Jack. What's the name of your picture? Charlie Chan and a revolving door. It is not. Call artisan models. Artisan models? What's that got to do with it? Well, you've got to give it some title. You can't call it ham and cabbage. Why not? Because I'm on a diet and shut up. You know, I didn't write the picture. Well, someone shut up. Oh, full. You're all ready for you, Mr. Benny, on stage five. OK, be right with you. Come on, fellas. Can we watch you work, Jack? Sure, the more the merrier. Hey, Rochester, are my shoes ready? I'm just shining the leases now. Well, hurry up. They're waiting for me. Hurry up, fellas. That's when there's a rotten egg. Well, I guess they're about ready to shoot. You know, I'm a little nervous today for the first time. Funny, an old trooper like me. Oh, you'll be all right, Jack. Why don't you sit down and relax? Oh, I thought I was sitting down. Say, Mary, were you this nervous when you shot your first scene? Yes, but I was doing a rumba and nobody noticed it. Oh, no, Andre. Hey, Jack, look who's here. Oh, hello, Andy. Hi, you buck. Thought I'd come over and watch you work. Well, I'm glad you did. Gee, it's hot under these lights. I hope my makeup isn't running. How do I look, Andy? You look like Crosby's horse on a muddy track. I am a little splotchy, ain't I? I don't know what's the matter with me today. I feel kind of faint and dizzy-like. Why don't you hold your breath and count 10? Kenny, I haven't got the hiccups. You will in a minute. I will not. Imagine me kissing Ida Lapino while I'm hiccuping. I tried it once and caught her right between the eyes. Oh, that's terrible. Well, it was better than nothing. Be ready for it in a minute, Mr. Benny. OK. Oh, pardon me. It's all your fault, Mary. Say, Buck, before you start shooting, I'll be glad to give you a few pointers on your love scene. Now, Andy, what do you know about love scenes? Plenty. I'm Clark Gable, Robert Taylor, and Charlie Butterworth rolled into one. Charlie Butterworth, what do you got him in there for? Modesty. Well, all right, Andy, what's your? Darn it. What's your system? Well, Buck, there's different ways of making a gal like you. Some fellas win them one way and some win them another. I got mine on bank night. Quiet. What are you saying, Andy? Well, if you want a gal to fall in love with you, you got to treat her rough. Be hard-boiled. Andy, last week you told me you were always running out getting the girl's sandwiches. What's rough about that? I put too much mustard on a mask, what? My, my, he is rough, isn't he, Mary? Yeah, he's a regular cave-in. He sure is. Be ready for eight a minute, Mr. Benny. OK. Isn't this awful? Hey, Rochester, have you got my shoes? Here they are, boss. Those are my sports shoes. Where'd you ever see sports shoes with a full-dress suit? In the Harlem Esquire. Well, run over to my dressing room and get my plain black ones and hurry. Black coat, black shoes, black pants. You is the most monotonous man I ever worked for. I'd fire him if he didn't have an iron-bound contract. Hey, Bill. Bill, is Jack Benny on the set? Oh, that's Raul Walsh, my director. Here I am, Mr. Walsh. Gosh. Hello, Jack. Now, first I'll explain this scene to you, and then we'll have a good rehearsal. Well, I hope you're not going to give me too much to do on my first day. Don't worry. Now, as the scene opens, we find your wife and her lover seated in the drawing room. I see. And you're in the same room, hiding in a barrel. In a barrel? What's a barrel doing in a drawing room? The root lake. Go away. But look, Mr. Walsh, I'm sorry. If I'm in the barrel all the time, I mean, how will the audience know it's me? Well, every now and then you could stick your nose out of the bunghole. Oh, oh, I see. Of course, there won't be any expression there. Once you're here, you can wiggle it. Nobody asked you, Kenny. There was just some way of identifying me. I have a suggestion, Jack. What has it done? Well, now, why don't you paint jello in big red letters all over the barrel? That would identify you. Now, there's an idea. Yeah, but putting that sort of detract from my nose. We'll figure that out later. Now, now to get back to the scene. You overhear your wife and her lover planning to run away. And as they start to leave, you stick your head out of the barrel and holler, hey. I holler, hey. See, then what? You duck back in the barrel and we fade out. Oh, I see. But gee, poking my head in and out of a barrel like that, I'll look something like a turtle, won't I? That's it exactly. Gee, Mary, I don't see why they have to give me. They get me for this part. Yeah, with so many turtles out of work. Oh, well. All right, we're ready for a rehearsal. Where's the barrel? It's just being painted, Mr. Waltz. Well, make it snappy. Yeah, I'm glad they're not ready yet. Give me a chance to memorize my part. Say, Jack. What? Look, isn't that your makeup man over there painting the barrel? Where? Oh, yes. So wonder if you can see it without his glasses. Hello, Mr. Westmore. Hello, Marlene. Marlene. We're all ready, Mr. Waltz. Good. Places, everybody. Right here, Mr. Waltz. I'm ready. Come on, Jack, get in that barrel. Yes, sir. Gee, it isn't dry yet. Oh, well, my hands won't show. Mary, I'm in the barrel. Mary, I'm in the barrel. Here, close them in here. What do you want, a floor show? Now, this is a rehearsal. Remember, Jack, you hear them talk and when they start to leave, stick out your head and holler, Hey, hey, I got it. Quiet, everybody. Action. Oh, darling, how much longer must I wait? Don't you love me? Yes, dear. But what can I do about Gerald, my husband? That's me, folks. Quiet and pull in your head. I'm sorry, Mr. Waltz. Continue. Or you never cared for him? Or you're going to give up our one chance for happiness? No, no. Then fly with me tonight. Come, let us away. Yes, my sweet. Away. Hey, there. How is that, Mr. Waltz? It's not, hey, there. It's just the one word, hey. Well, I thought by adding the word, there, it would give me a feeling of being worried, you know. Leave it out. The script is too long as it is. Well, you're the boss. You're the boss. Let's try it again. Get back in the bell, Jack. I know what I'm doing. I wish they'd take these nails out of here. One more rehearsal. Places, everybody. And make it a good one. Action. Oh, darling, how much longer must I wait? Don't you love me? Yes, dear. But what can I do about Gerald, my husband? Darn it. Oh, you never cared for him? Are you going to give up our one chance for happiness? No. No. Then fly with me tonight. Come, let us away. Yes, my sweet. Away. Yes, my sweet. Away. I forgot my lie. It certainly is. I'm sorry about that, Mr. Waltz, but it's hard to remember two things at once. I mean, I have to say, hey, and stick my head out of the barrel at the same time. Well, I'll make it easy for you, Jack. Just say, hey, and don't stick your head out of the barrel. Oh! It just happens to be one of those words that get you, you know? Oh, Jack, hey isn't such a hard word to remember. Just think of what a horse eats. What a horse eats? Hey, say that'll help. All right, Mr. Waltz, here I go again. Yeah, I wish they'd put a door in this thing. All right now. Ready, everybody? This is a picture. Light them up. Camera. We're turning. Action. Oh, darling, how much longer must I wait? Don't you love me? Yes, dearest. But what can I do about Gerald, my husband? Oh, you never cared for him? Are you going to give up our one chance for happiness? No. No. Then fly with me tonight. Come, let us away. Yes, my sweet. Away. Oats! That's your fault, Mary. This is awful. Off! What's the matter with you, Jack? There's nothing the matter with me. It's the part. Hey, what kind of a dramatic speech is that? Well, you can't act any more than that barrel. I can't, eh? Artists and hiccups. You have to go through with this. Hey, Buck! What? 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Ask your grocer tomorrow for jello ice cream powder. This is the last number of the 38th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night for our final broadcast of the season. I'd like to announce that the part of the director was played by my good friend Robert Emmett Keen. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as a little surprise, I'd like to introduce another very dear friend of mine who happens to be up here tonight. A personality whom I know you will be glad to hear is returning to the air in his original role of Captain Henry of the Maxwell House Showboat. Ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Winningham. Ladies and gentlemen. Well, Charlie, I'm happy to hear you're coming back on the showboat program. When do you take over the helm? On July 8th. July 8th? Yes, sir. We're going to truck on down the Mississippi. Well, tell me, Charlie. Oh, pardon me. What kind of a show are you going to put on for the folks? Now, it's going to be the same old showboat with a brand new crew. It is, eh? Yep. You know, Jack, I'll be mighty happy to greet all my... I'm sorry. Oh, it's all right. It's all right. I'm sorry. I'll be mighty happy to greet all my old friends. Yeah. Say, Charlie, you know my gang here, don't you? Oh, sure, sure. And this is Mary Livingston. Oh, hello, Mary. You're a mighty pretty gal. Thank you. Well, Captain, how about taking me for a ride? Mary, that's Captain Henry of Showboat. Oh, I thought he had a yacht. Don't pay any attention to her, Charlie. I won't. And, Charlie... Charlie, this is our tenor, Kenny Baker. Oh, hello. Glad to know you, Kenny. Hello. Kenny, you remember Charlie Winninger. He was in that picture of three smart girls. Which one was he? Now, Kenny, cut it out. Oh, it's all right, Jack. I like the little brat. Well, Charlie, I want to thank you for coming up here tonight. I'm tickle of death you dropped in, and I want to wish you continued success in many happy dockings of Showboat. Well, thank you, Jack, and I hope all my old friends will be listening in on July 8th. Oh, Captain Henry, you want to hear something? Oh, what is it, Mary? A dear old father, dear old father. How I love you. Oh, good night, folks. Good night. Now, I want to introduce Captain Henry with the comedy of Jack Haley, the singing of Nadine Conner, Thomas Thomas, and Virginia Verrill with Warren Hall and the music of Meredith Wilson. Remember the date, July 8th. The Jell-O program comes to you from Hollywood over the red-network of the National Broadcasting Company.