 Hi, I'm Rusty Komori and this is Beyond the Lines on Think Tech, Hawaii. I was the head coach of the Punahou School Boys Varsity Tennis Team for 22 years, and we were fortunate to win 22 consecutive state championships. This show is based on my books Beyond the Lines and Beyond the Game, and it's about leadership, character, and creating a superior culture of excellence. My special guest today is the highly respected president and CEO of Big Brother's Big Sister's Hawaii. He is Dennis Brown, and today we are going Beyond Mentoring. Hey Dennis, welcome to Beyond the Lines. Oh, Rusty, it's great to be here. You are doing such amazing work with Big Brother's Big Sisters, but can you first tell me about how your organization is really helping so many kids in our community? Yes, I'm happy to do that. You know, we serve children and their families who are or have been facing serious trauma, we refer to it as in their lives, and this can be anything ranging from the loss of a parent or in some cases both parents to death or divorce or incarceration or drug rehabilitation, which can be highly, highly traumatic for a child or children in the family. Sometimes they'll end up being raised then by a single parent or by a grandparent or in a foster care situation because there's just no one in their immediate family who can take on that responsibility. What we try to do is not really replace the missing parent or parents because you can't do that. I mean, you know, this is the biological actual parent of the person, so we don't pretend that this is any way of replacement for that individual in that parent's role, but it is as we refer to a mentor, someone who can help guide and really, as much as anything, become a friend to the child or children in the family. They are caring, responsible adults and their role is, as I say, to be a friend, and that's why we refer to them as big brothers or big sisters, someone who can bond with the child and create a relationship. It's really all about the relationship. And what I like to refer to as leading to the power of friendship because once that bond forms and we, you know, studies show that it takes a good six months minimum for a child to really trust someone who's basically a stranger to them until we introduce them and pair them. And then once that trust is established, as you probably know from your experiences, you can then make a difference in the child's life because they're more apt to listen. Many times we have parents, a single parent of a child say, I told him the exact same thing, and he won't do it. But when his big brother, big sister says it, they do it, you know, and it's just, it's a different kind of relationship, and that's exactly what we're all about. And our goals are to try to help them make sure they achieve educational success, avoid risky behaviors such as joining a gang, using drugs, starting these drugs or alcohol, getting into premature sexual relationships and those kinds of things. And then thirdly, which is to me one of the most important things, and that's why your writings resonate with me is having higher aspirations for their future. Our goal is to have them reach their full potential in life. Well, it's all about creating that superior culture of excellence and that's what you guys are striving for. And Dennis, can you share a bit about your story and the impact that big brothers, big sisters had on your life? Yeah, I'm very, very fortunate. My parents divorced when I was four years old and was born in Nebraska in the Midwest. My mom was from Japan, my dad met her when he was not during the war, World War II, when he was in the army stationed in Japan. So they got married, came back to the Midwest. And after 12 years of marriage, it just didn't work out. And they divorced when I was four years old. And my mom, in a way to her credit, I'm kind of grateful that she did make this decision, decided she wanted to get away from the Midwest. It was right after World War II when she went there and there was still quite a bit of discrimination against people from Japan because of the war. And just as people from Japan still consider Hawaii today to be paradise, she was determined to get here. And so we took a train from Nebraska to California and then Pan American Airlines to Hawaii, a long trip. The problem for me was I was devastated by this. My dreams were totally shattered because I was so close to my dad. When they first divorced until we actually got on that train for a few months, we stayed with a family that had kids of their own who took us in, my mom and my brother and I, just until we could relocate, get on our own feet. And during that time, my dad would visit. He had visitation rights every Thursday. And so it was still so close to him. I mean, you know, he taught me sports. He would take me sledding in the snow. He, you know, in the car rides. I just enjoy riding a car with him and showing me how to steer the car and everything like that. So this was really devastating for me. And that's part of the serious trauma that I was talking about. We come to Hawaii and I could tell after the train ride and the plane ride, even though I was only five years old, that I'm probably not going to see my dad again because this is so far. This is taking so long, so many miles away. People even showed me on the map where we were compared to where Nebraska was. And so that just made it worse. So I was, I was a really upset child. I felt like I was a victim. The world was against me. I'd been betrayed by my own parents, wanted to go back to my dad, just anything, you know, we were living in public housing or poor, my mom trying to raise and provide for us by herself. And so I acted out, you know, in school, outside of school, gave her the hardest time, poor thing. She really suffered. But to her credit, even though English wasn't her first language and she was from Japan, she sought help. And she got a counselor for me who coincidentally became the first social worker hired by this new organization in Hawaii. It had been on the mainland for 50 years, the new to Hawaii called Big Brothers, Big Brothers of Hawaii. And this social worker who had been counseling me for several months, you know, saw potential in me and encouraged my mom to apply me for this new program that he was moving over to to be the first case manager. And so she applied and he had me along with some other boys that he'd been counseling, put a newspaper ad in the old star bulletin asking for responsible caring men who would like to be a role model to a fatherless boy. So back then, there wasn't this political correctness in the late 50s, early 60s, it was the label, you're a fatherless boy, either you were or you weren't. And that and juvenile delinquent. So fatherless boy almost was figured to lead to becoming a juvenile delinquent out there. So as it turns out, when he got 18 responses from men say they'd be willing to do this and one of those men was Henry Sumida, a quiet civil engineer from pro city. And just as we still do today, 57 years later, Ed Miyamoto that social worker created a profile of these 18 men and boys based on our personalities, our interests, our backgrounds, because the worst thing we could do is make an inappropriate match, a match where it'll fall apart within less than a year. And research shows that if you do that, you actually could do more damage to the child. So did that and it turned out that Henry and I looked like a really good, what we call match. And so he matched us and we became the very first match in Hawaii in the history of big brothers, big sisters of Hawaii. So I was the first little brother, Henry was the first big brother. And Henry was was an outstanding person for me. I had a lot of help along the way, but with teachers, coaches, people who tried to help, you know. But what I realized years and years later is that Henry made such a difference in me because he did it purely voluntarily. He wasn't paid, it wasn't his job. And he went above and beyond. He was a great listener. He let me vent my anger. He never really lectured me, but he gave me advice along and it was always encouraging advice, always encouragement. And so years later, you know, I didn't do well in school and I did get a scholarship to mid-Pacific, you know, I was playing basketball and it was a work scholarship. And I didn't want to go to college and as a college prep school, they were very disappointed in that. And they tried to convince me, just try, just, just try to go to college. You have enough to get in, just, just go. And I said, no, I don't want it. I don't like school and all this. And Henry suggested I do what he did and join the military and kind of see what, what happens and keep school in the back of my mind. So I did, got into the military, decided this wasn't a career for me. So I'm going to start taking college classes just to see what it like, one at a time. The long story short in my four years, I got my two-year associate's degree and the day I got that halfway in, I thought about it and I thought, wow, these turned out pretty okay for me, you know, from my background and I was really worried that where I was going to end up. And I thought back of all the people who helped me and all the programs who helped, you know, disadvantaged youth. And the one that stood out to me the most was Henry, because again, he did it voluntarily and he was still in touch with me. Here I am, 22 years old and he's still writing me Christmas cards, birthday cards, letters, you know, we're still staying in touch. And by the way, he and I were friends all the way till his passing at 80 years old in 2012, where I was honored to be by his three children, adult children to give one of the eulogies at his service because they said they wanted all his friends to know that we were the first and how proud he was of that because he would never say that to anybody. So I told this story and sure enough, a lot of people said, thank you so much, we never knew. And so I decided that inspired me to go into a career in social services because now I got my two year degree, I didn't know what I was going to major in to get my bachelor's. And I thought, okay, I'll go into sociology because I really feel like I want to help other people. I didn't know what that really meant at that time, but I did. And went on to get a master's degree. And then it's Henry told me, you know, the GI bill is going to pay for your college after you get out after four years. And sure enough, all my college was paid for. I even got my master's degree. And at that point, I decided I learned that social work wasn't where I wanted to go. It takes a certain personality to be a social worker. I get too involved. I get too teary-eyed. I can't keep it together sometimes. But I could do administrative work. And so in my master's program, there was a track called social services planning and administration. So I took that track and I've worked in social services field my whole career. But I never dreamed that 23 years ago, I would be asked by big brothers, big sisters as they followed my career being the first little brother, they would always ask me to come to celebrations and speak on their behalf to get grants and things that I would actually apply for and accept that job and now be the longest serving CEO in our history. Wow, Dennis, that is so extra meaningful that you're the first and you're the president and CEO for so long, so many years. Wow, that is incredible. And Dennis, how is the funding done for big brothers, big sisters? So we have a diverse array of funding. We do get our share of government grants. They're more in the form of contracts. That's about 60% of it. The other 40%, we need to raise pretty much on our own. And so we up until COVID, we held in-person special events and sometimes 1,000 people. We're unable to do that the last two years. So we've struggled to continue to bring in what we call unrestricted funding. That's individual donations or companies donating money to us and things like that. And thankfully in the past few years, many companies have stepped up to do that. We've reached out to them and let them know that we couldn't do special events. So if they could support us with just 100% tax deductible gift, that would be helpful. No, that's great to hear. And I know a lot of individual citizens is helping with the community. I know Kathy Huang and Abe Lee, I mean, they've done some cash donations to big brothers, big sisters. And Abe Lee also in addition to the cash donations, he's donated a number of my books beyond the lines to you. And how does that make you feel when you get these donations from individuals as well? It's just so overwhelmingly warm and appreciative of those gifts because it's not only that they're giving from the heart because they're generous in that way and they care, but it also to me validates that what we're doing resonates with the community and is something that people see as a valuable service. Yeah, I totally agree with you. And Dennis, how has COVID affected the mission of big brothers, big sisters? Yeah, so that's a great question. And I think as it's affected so many businesses and not-for-profit social service organizations, we're obviously about that relationship between the big brother, little brother, big sister, little sister. So the best way for mentoring relationship is in-person. I mean, there are things that can do. They go and they do activities in the community and there are so many learning opportunities there. When we couldn't do that in person, we pivoted or shifted to virtual as we're doing here. And in the beginning, it was great. It really helped. So other than not being able to do our in-person fundraising, which has been a more of a struggle and that's why we appreciate Abe Lee and his company for donating because it's taken the place of us doing or helping contribute to taking the place of not being able to do those events. So yeah, we pivoted and we did a lot of virtual activities. We also do activities, group activities for them when we couldn't. So we switched to virtual. For example, we did a tour of the USS Missouri. And those guys there did such a terrific job. I wasn't sure because I've been on the actual in-person tour before. But the virtual one, in some ways, was almost better because they could spend more time and they had everybody's attention watching. And it was just great. And the people loved it. We've done other activities similar to that, cooking demonstrations and things for the parents as well as the littles and their bags of painting demonstration where we deliver the materials to them and they work along with an artist. But it's all about keeping them connected. That's really what we want to do. Dennis, I want to talk with you about leadership. You've been a successful president and CEO for so long. What do you feel the best leaders do? Well, I think one of the big ones for me is listening. They listen to not only their customers but their employees with empathy and compassion, especially during these times during COVID that has become even more important. I think also developing an atmosphere of trust where people feel that they're comfortable, they're empowered to speak up if they have an idea to share without judgment. And so there is that trust factor there. And I think also, especially again during times of COVID, but even pre-COVID we had our struggles as funding can be up and down every year, is to be an example of perseverance in leadership that we persevere even through the hard times. I kind of thought about that, that starts with peace. So it's like a fifth P to your four in your book beyond the lines of people process and so on. Because I think if a leader isn't, he's going to fall back and not strive to make the best of whatever the situation or adversity might be, it's going to be hard for people to follow or to feel that way too because as the leader goes, oftentimes the morale of the team goes. Yeah, that's definitely for sure. And Dennis, let's talk a little bit about the books. You have great principles. What are some things that stood out to you in my books? I think one of the big ones for me was the fact that I think we all can use this reminder all the time is that we're the ones who have the power to make our own choices. And I think you mentioned that even in the intro, choices and decisions. And for our Kiki, our children, especially the younger ones that are so impressionable and then been through so much already, they may not have hope in their minds. They may have already started to give up. And where that mentor comes in is to try to show and what we do is coach them to show each child that they have potential. Our tagline is we're defenders of potential and we want them to achieve their full potential, whatever that might be. But without better self-esteem and a good sense of self and good examples to follow, it may not happen. You can have the most child with the greatest potential, but if they make the wrong decisions or choose the wrong path, we like to say, so you want to keep them on that right path. That didn't resonate with me because I think that's key. Yeah, it's all about choosing better choices. And yeah, I love talking with you about this. And Dennis, I saw some pictures, then and now pictures that I was just impressed with. I mean, it's so fascinating to see how some of these bigs and littles were before and then how they are now. And what's the impact that like, obviously, you have to prepare them for coaching, for mentoring. How do you prepare your bigs for that? Oh, that's such a great question. You know, I get asked that a lot. What's the training like? I'm even a potential big brother and big sister will ask. You know, I volunteer for this other organization and they give me a one day eight hour training or two days for eight hours. Our training is not like that. We don't have one, you know, we have an initial kind of introduction or onboarding, but the training is ongoing. We assign a case manager because these matches are all one to one and each child is individual. So is the big. We assign a case manager to each of those matches and their job is to coach. As just as you said, they're really coaches of these pairs. We call them matches and it's to enhance because we create an individualized growth plan for each child because again, they're all individuals. So for us to do a generic training for everyone, it may not apply the same way to the child they're working with, you know, so so it's all individualized and that case manager stays with them through the life of that natural relationship. I really like hearing that. I mean, and it's it helps your organization, you know, in terms of the administrators, but also the bigs because they want to get as much information and guidance as possible. And Dennis, what are can you share a story or two? I mean, you I know you have tons of impactful stories that you've seen through the years, but what's one or two that you could share with us? Oh, sure. Well, one is we had a little girl named Victoria who applied to our program when she was about 10 years old. Her mom has a disability and lost her job, couldn't work, had separated from the dad years before. And so Victoria and her brother and the mom were kind of alone, raising them at some point because she couldn't work. She was in and out of work because of a physical disability. They actually became homeless when Victoria was a junior in high school. And so Victoria was already matched to her big sister. Victoria had this passion, I guess you would call it for writing. So she liked to write poems on her own and different things, essays. And her big sister Margaret was able to kind of help cultivate that and really encouraged her to follow that. Victoria, during that time when they were homeless for a few years, at first didn't want anybody, she was at Waikahu High School as a junior to know. But she became part of the school news program, like HIKI NŌ, that type of thing. And she became really interested in journalism with her writing passion. So she decided at some point that, you know, seeing that there were other children, students who were homeless, if she came out and let people know that she struggled with that too, it might help others not to be as embarrassed and feel bad about it or give up hope for the future. So she did. And eventually went on to graduate. We helped her with a few scholarships that people donated to big brothers, big sisters. And she got a graduated from New H. Manoa with a double major in communications and journalism. And right now is a producer at KITB. So television. And so yeah, just a great story there. But another one that's even more compelling is a boy named Mana. When he was seven years old, both parents were drug users, and they were just not around a lot of the time. Mana and his three younger brothers, or two younger brothers were living, were in the burnt out vehicle. I think it was like a small bus or something sleeping there at night when it caught on fire. And Mana had to pull his two brothers out at seven years old. They were left on a lot. And there were many incidents like that because both the mother and the father were every drug users and mother eventually was incarcerated. And at that point, their father called the auntie of these boys and said, you know what? They can't go on like this. You got to come get them. And so she did. And drove to Oahuwa and picked up the boys on the side of the street, just roaming around and took them in. She gave up a great job on the mainland. She had a job here, but she had been offered this really good opportunity on the mainland on the east coast, thinking that this was going to be temporary. I'll go get them, I'll take care of them, then I'll work with social services and see how they can be taken care of. But of course, once she brought them here to Honolulu and found out that the boys would likely be separated, the brothers would be separated if they're going into foster homes because not too many foster homes can handle all three siblings. And this happens a lot. She said, no, there's no way. I'll just keep them myself. And she became registered and eventually adopted them legally as her own children. And all of a fourth brother actually came along too. There was a baby that they owned out later. And so she got all four of them. And all four of them were matched in our program with big brothers. She had heard about us and came and matched them. They all had great, wonderful big brothers. So Mauna, the oldest, the one who was the first one to be matched and who had saved his younger brothers is today, he graduated with honors from Kameke High School, actually had a chance to go to Punahou. But I think it's a syndrome, a lot of kids feel. I felt they're still coming from the housing. I didn't want to go to Mid-Pacific. I kept fighting it, fighting it, fighting it. I felt everybody else there would be from wealthy families. And I would, I just was embarrassed. So what one person told me, you're kind of like straddling two worlds. You don't belong there. So he didn't feel comfortable going to Punahou. He offered him a full scholarship. He graduated though and got a huge scholarship to college on the main then tried that for a year, but then decided to come home to help his auntie. He was raising them because Nita, because it was hard by herself. So and she had some health issues too. Now today, he's in his second year, I think at Kapilani Community College in their nursing program. He decided on all the things he could have done. Engineering was one of the highest on the list. He wanted to help people as he was helped. So he's on track to become a nurse. Wow, Dennis, I'm sure you have like thousands of stories. Thanks for sharing those two stories. It's so impactful. And what Dennis, what's an important lesson you learned in life so far? So many. I think I think one that kind of stands out for me because partly because of my background, you know, I was I was kind of because of what happened to me. I looked at myself as a victim. I had to learn to not be that way, you know. And so one of the things that I'm actually still kind of working on today in my professional life is to realize that asking for help or accepting help is not a weakness, you know, that people work together. And that's that was something that took a while for me to be able to be comfortable with. I think pride gets in the way. And sometimes, you know, it pushes humility aside. And you got to do this on your own. You can do it on your own. You don't need help. And that's not, you know, that's not how we should be. And that's we're all about relationships with big brothers, big sisters. So it's taken me a while to learn that myself. I 100% agree with you that asking for help is not a sign of weakness at all. And Dennis, I just want to really thank you for taking time to really come on the show today to share your story and those other two stories. And I got to commend you about the incredible work that big brothers and big sisters Hawaii is doing and really want to hopefully we, you know, all of us can support your organization as as much as possible. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure speaking with you. And I'm a big fan of being in your book and your own journey as a coach and now, you know, kind of spreading the word about leadership and about helping people. I love that one quote you had that, you know, something about helping one person may not change the world, but it can help one person. And so that's kind of what we do one child at a time, you know, kind of make the world a better place. Amen. Thank you, Dennis. And thank you for watching Beyond the Lines on Think Tech, Hawaii. For more information, please visit Rusty Komori.com. And my books are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I hope that Dennis and I will inspire you to create your own superior culture of excellence and to find your greatness and help others find theirs. Aloha.