 Irma look at that New York skyline isn't it amazing to think that the Indians sold all of Manhattan for only $24 Isn't that silly they could have gotten a thousand dollars for the Empire State Building alone Well, that's what you can expect when you listen to my friend Irma Friendship Just a perfect plan ship when other friendships have been forgot There's Leverbrothers makers of swan the soap with the exclusive super cream blend presents Our friend swan with my friend Irma starring Mary Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lewis is Jane Is that make people say that New York is a great place to visit but not to live in Why because the temperature is hugging the century mark and the humidity is picketing your pores Irma and I are stretched out gasping for breath on our patio You see we like to think of our fire escape as a patio Jane Jane. Oh Don't talk sweetie. It's too hot Jane. What's the temperature of the human body 98 is normal What's the temperature on the fire escape? Let me see my goodness. It's 98. What are we complaining about everything is normal? Ordinarily I try to straighten Irma out, but it's too hot to argue in fact to forget the heat Irma and I are playing a game We're looking on the clothes lines around us and trying to guess what kind of people each line represents for instance, um Over there on mrs. Burton's line. There are two silk striped men's shirts and five pair of boys overalls Stories quite plain. Mr. Burton is a big man about town junior has to support the family Jane I've got one figured out. Yeah. Yes. Mrs. Adams has two and a half children She has how did you arrive at that? Oh, it's very simple Jane. There's five stockings on the line a Gold star for you Irma Peterson. I suppose because there are two sunbonnets hanging on mrs. Horowitz line She has two heads Well, she does keep to herself Jane isn't it warm? Yeah, it's just about the hottest day. I can remember. Let's go back into the house Maybe it's cooled off. All right, Jane No, it's just as hot in here. Well, I think I can bring the temperature down Jane Just give me time. Irma. What are you going to do with all those paper bags? I'm going to fill them all up with warm air and put them in the icebox and let them cool off Please honey, please for the next time we go out in the sun promise me you'll wear a hat Gosh, I wish there was some way we could cool off and Irma. Don't suggest that we put cold slaw on our heads That's ridiculous. What will we have for supper? Look, Jane if we really want to cool off, why don't we go to Coney Island and sit on the beach? Sit. Irma if we were ballet dancers, we couldn't find enough beach in that crowd to stand on one toe But Jane there's going to be a contest and a parade and the couple with the best personality gets a prize Yeah, but honey, it's such a trek to Coney Island. Well with Alan Richard it'd be so much fun Richard at Coney Island Honey, I don't want to make Richard seem snobbish, but the whole picture is out of focus That'd be like asking Mrs. Vanderbilt to write a column for the whole bow news Oh, but Jane, we have such fun at Coney Island. Al wins so many prizes like when they try to guess his weight Yeah, I know Irma and someday they're gonna find that brick in his back pocket and they'll let him have it But not for a prize. Hello Richard. Yes, of course. I'm warm How is it out there in your neck of the woods? It is. Well, it just goes to show you even with a cool million you can be hot You know Richard Jane tell him about Coney Island Irma, please honey, I'm talking wait a minute. What what Richard? No, no, I'm just talking. She she has a crazy idea And I it's too ridiculous to talk about it. I don't want to embarrass you. She did Well, she thought you'd like to go to Coney Island. Is that silly? You'd love to go You think it's a wonderful idea hold the phone. Will you Richard? I want some water now. It's really hot You'll be here in an hour. Well, yes, of course. We'll be ready. Goodbye Irma, did you hear that Richard wants to go with us? Well, that's what I like about Richard He's not hi-hat. I think for a Republican. He's very Democratic In touch with Al. Well finding Al may be a problem today being Sunday and everything closed He's probably looking for a job What are you doing? I'm calling his hotel. Oh Hello, is this the hotel Lennox? It is well, I'd like to speak to Al. He's not there and you don't expect him back Why not? Oh The suitcase he left for security is full of old telephone books and all the sheets and towels are gone Well, that's my Al he never takes anything for nothing Goodbye Now, let me see. Where else could he be? Now honey, who are you calling this time the movies? I hello circle theater Do you still do you still let children in for a half price? You do well to the man walking an hour go on his knees. Oh You threw him out again Don't bother Telephoneing if you want to find Al just hang a sandwich out the window on a string and he'll come flying in like a Buzzer Please Jane. Hello. Is this a candy store? Yes, I'll wait honey. You're just wasting time. Oh, I'm not. This is the most Direct way to find out you see the man in the candy store tells a newsboy and the newsboy tells the first taxi driver Yeah, go on. Yeah, and the taxi driver tells the other taxi drivers and the first one that drives by the unemployment office tells Harry Harry, why doesn't he tell Al? Oh, Jane, didn't you know Al doesn't wait in the unemployment line anymore. He has a stand-in Pretty soon. He'll have a caddy to pick up cigarette butts for him Excuse me Jane. Yes Hello, is this the candy I'm trying to reach you. Where are you in the telephone booth? Call to see if you'd like to go to Coney Island with us You would You'll be right over. Oh Well, Alan, thanks a lot for inviting me It's me wonderful. I don't know what I've done to deserve him must have been something pretty horrible Bathing suit you're gonna wear sweetie. Well, yeah, I could wear that two-piece blue suit I wore last year I don't think it looks so good on me this year. Why not you haven't put on any weight. No, but I lost one of the pieces Just wear your green one, huh? I'm sure that you'll look sensational. Come in It's only me, Professor Kropatkin Hello, Jane, you never my two little gold chains one with a charm one with a missing link Excuse me a little joke. I picked up from an old pawnbroker Professor oh professor isn't he terrible not in my room up there It's just like going to the seashore. You can actually feel the moist spray blowing in your face from the broken water pipe In fact if it didn't make me so sleepy, I would stay up there all day Makes you sleepy. Yes. I also got a broken gas pipe Would you like to go to Coney Island with us Coney Island? Yeah, wouldn't it be fun to go to the beach lie on the sand? What do you think is on my floor a carpet? Come on be serious professor Erma now are going to Coney Island with Richard and me listen You could take Mrs. O'Reilly after all it's about time you two patch things up Mrs. O'Reilly I wouldn't have anything to do with her if she was the last woman in the world and by the looks of us She must have been the first You know it's too bad the professor and Mrs. O'Reilly don't get along anymore isn't it? You know when he was going with her he seemed a lot happier I noticed that too Jane every time she used to ask him for the ready laugh. Yeah Hello Jane. Hi. Oh dear. Oh Richard. You're a little early. I'm not quite ready. Well Jane I don't like to disappoint you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to go to Coney Island with you Oh Richard why not business one of my clients insists on seeing me right away, Richard It's so hot today. I know but business before pleasure and seeing you in a bathing suit would be so much pleasure Gee when you say that I can't be angry could have been such fun though There's a personality contest a bathing beauty parade. Well, the summer's just beginning. There'll be other days Maybe we can do it another time. Goodbye Jane. Bye. Bye Richard. Goodbye. Oh Don't feel too badly Jane. No, I'm kind of getting used to it when you're that way about an important man Appointments mean nothing you might as well throw out the clock, but how will I know when it's time to go to work? Honey, it's just an expression You and I'll go ahead. You have a good time. I'll manage to find something to do Come in It's only me again, Professor Kropak. Yes girls. I've made up with Mrs. O'Reilly. I realize I've been a blind fool Oh, that's wonderful. Yes to make up with Mrs. O'Reilly. You got to be a blind But it's something about taking her to the beach fascinated me What is it time will tell It's our chicken come in now, honey Hiya folks. Sorry. I'm late was busy cutting off the top of my bathing suit Why did you do that? Didn't think it was becoming especially the part that said property a Coney Island bathhouse Well chicken see you got your bathing suit out and ready to go. Where's your Jane? Oh, well, Al Richard can't make it. So I've decided to stay home. Oh wouldn't think of a Jane You can come with Irma and me. Well that that's sweet of you Al Alright, I'll go along, but you don't have to worry about entertaining me. I just want to get a breath of air Oh, that's wonderful. And now I hope we win the personality contest personality contest Yes, we parade in front of the judges in our bathing suits. It'll be a novel They stand in front of a judge and not having to plead not guilty The professor Mrs. O'Reilly are coming with us too. That's right Al You don't have to be afraid to go in the water With Mrs. O'Reilly around the sharks wouldn't there come inside the three-mile limit It's just a minute here Al. It's for you. They frame me. I got to think fast get an alibi. No, well, he says he's a friend Hello friend. What's on your mind? You got a guy who wants to invest in my deals Charlie. Are you sure he's all right? Oh? He just twitches a little In that case don't send him here. We'll go down and see him. Thanks, Charlie If anything develops, we'll cut you in goodbye Chicken will have to cancel our beach trip. Someone wants to put dough in my latest deal Oh, well you and your deal But this one may be the turning point in my life Enable me to marry you marry me. Yeah, and let's face it chicken money is very important in the early years of our marriage Because the children can't collect unemployment insurance until they're 16 So we'll be talking with you chicken. Goodbye. It was stood up to who says you can but you're taking Miss O'Reilly That's the point when you take somebody like Mrs. O'Reilly you've got to have an antidote My arm girls Coney Island here we come Say ladies ever try swan soap for dishes. Well, it's a pleasure Why just the feel of the cake itself tells you swan differs from other soaps it's smoother as Susie swan says It's a smoothie. It's a smooth It's a cake of swan you can feel that super cream You can feel the difference in it you can tell it in a minute. It's a smooth That's swan Yes, ladies the way swan feels is a direct result of swan super cream blend So the next time you unwrap a cake of swan make this little test yourself Run your fingertips over the surface of the cake feel the smoothness Feel how super creaming makes swan differ from other soaps then when you use swan for dishes feel swan suds They feel richer creamier perfect for washing dishes and swan's mild suds protect your hands You'll see they're left with a wonderful smooth soft young luck Swan super cream suds are thick fast suds too, and they rinse away so completely your dishes don't need wiping Think of the time that saves you yes swan soap means faster dish washing and Protection for your hands thanks to swan's exclusive super cream blend New York City the melting pot. I don't know that it's true all year round But in the summer if you want to melt believe me there's no place like New York Of course, if you want relief, there's always Coney Island And it is relief because after a day at Coney Island you can't wait till you get back to New York. Oh Frankly, I don't know why we came here Coney Island has turned out to be a nothing a crowded nothing Irma because Al didn't come along is utterly miserable She hasn't stopped eating since we got here She always eats like that when Alice did her up. She says it helps fill the emptiness inside her As for me without Richard, I'm completely bored There's only one person seems to be enjoying himself, and that's Professor Kropotkin. You know why he's burying Mrs. O'Reilly in the sand He keeps saying can you still breathe? And when Mrs. O'Reilly says yes, professor he says got to get more sand Irma is still moping Jane. What is it sweetie? You know sometimes I wish there was no such thing as men wish there was something else What would you like them to be? Oh anything canary birds dogs No, that wouldn't be any good. We'd be spending all our time in pet shops. Yeah And it'd be such trouble to find a husband who was housebroken Look honey forget about Al disappointing you were on the beach. We came here to enjoy ourselves. Let's be gay laugh Irma that's hardly a laugh. I can't help it. Jane my heart's not in it. Why not honey a man just sat on our lunch Well, that's fine. That's fine. That's all we needed. Are you very busy? No professor. What do you want? It could you please help me find the mrs. O'Reilly? Oh Professor don't you remember where you buried her? Well, I put the paper plate over the spot, but the wind blew with the How's mr. O'Reilly? Hello girls. Oh, there you are professor mrs. O'Reilly where have you been? Oh, I was up on the boardwalk Professor, I've entered our names in the personality contest You and me Your name and my name. Yes. Do you think we'll have a chance to win? No, but we could set a good example of what would happen if Cupid ever starts using poison darts Oh Hush your spoofing. Come on professor walk me to the bath house. I want to change into me other bathing suit You have another suit with you mrs. O'Reilly. Oh, yes I understand that a girl's figure plays a very important part in these contests So I think I'd better wear the bathing suit that leaves me knees exposed Professor we'll see you later girls He's getting in the personality contest with me. Yeah, well, I'm not in it either, honey We just happen to be stranded without our men. I feel terrible. Yeah, why are you going sweetie? I think I'll take a swim. They say an ocean voyage makes you forget Well, don't go out too far remember you've just eaten you might get a cramp. All right, Jane. I'll be careful Why don't you take a swim with me? No, thanks, honey. This bathing suit dissolves in water No, I'll just sit here and amuse myself have fun. I will. Goodbye. Pardon me miss. Yes I just realized I've been sitting on your lunch. Oh Well, that's all right. You don't have to look so terrified, but I am a lot of that stuff isn't on my diet Goodbye now. Well, I will be hi a Jane Well, I thought you were tied up on business was but the deal fell through as could be expected Yeah, but this one seemed like such a natural It's a device for guys who don't want to break their promise to their wives when they've told them they're going on the wagon What is it? It's a bar on a wagon But the guy didn't go for it. So let's forget it Jane. Where's chicken? Oh, she's in the water Al last time I saw her she was right. Oh Al Look at that crowd the lifeguards bringing someone in so what good-looking lifeguards some dame probably how look for help Al it's Irma. Oh wait a minute. She can swim. Yeah, but Al accidents can happen to the best swimmers Come on. Let's help her. She looks like she don't need no help. Look at the way. She's got her arms around his shoulders Oh, well, don't be narrow. So he's carrying her. What do you want her to do when she's drowning carry him? Well, I don't like it Jane, and I'm gonna let her know it. Oh, hello Jane. Oh Al gee, I'm so glad to see you. You see I almost drowned. Yeah fun, wasn't it? Look chicken, I saw the way you were hugging that lifeguard when he was carrying you Well, I wasn't hugging him. I was practically unconscious in fact That's what the lab the lifeguard told me all the way in he kept saying where do you want me to take you unconscious? Just because you were thought you thought I was disappointing you for the personality contest didn't give you the right to carry on with some other guy Well, now you've got the right because I'm stepping out of the picture. Goodbye matter hurry Jane don't let him go. Please go after him. Don't worry about him, honey Give him a chance to cool off. I don't want him to cool off. Sun's going down. I'm getting chilly I'm gonna take please. Oh honey, all right if you're going to get hysterical I suppose I'll have to go after him and I want to talk to you. Please Jane. I've made up my mind Look Al, Al, Irma wants you to come back Frankly, if I were Irma, I'd not only give you railroad fare. I'd carry your bags to the station But Irma loves you and I'm not going to see you hurt her because I love Irma Well, I don't want to hurt chicken. Oh, you don't want to hurt her Do you realize what that girl goes through every time you quarrel with her? Do you realize what I go through? Well, let me tell you remember last October when you made a date with another girl. Yeah Well, she tried to kill herself by gas She turned on the stove and she sat in front of it for six hours before she remembered it was electric And then so it wouldn't be a total loss she baked a cake almost killed all of us One life to give to my country, but to me you're not uncle Sam You mean I really affect chicken that much? Yes, you do and if you're half a man You'll enter the personality contest with her so she can have a little fun. Come on. What do you say? Jane don't want to worry my future wife and have her hair turn prematurely gray She'll have a tough enough time getting a job as it is You want a hot dog Jane they look pretty good. No, thanks. Yeah, well tell chicken I'll meet her here on the boardwalk for the contest got to make a call Who are you calling now who else but hello Joe? Got a problem. That's enough for me. Goodbye. I'll say Joe. I'm at Coney Island going to enter a personality contest with Irma What do you suggest? Forget the personality contest and go over to the shooting gallery if I want to clean up But Joe there's no money in knocking over clay pigeons. Oh, you don't mean clay pigeons the manager is loaded No Joe may be mistaken, but think managers are out of season. We'll enter the contest despite your advice. Goodbye noble friend Walk and the personality contest has just begun there go Al and Irma I must say that Irma looks adorable. She's arm in arm with Al and they're doing a funny little dance step I won't say it's not graceful. I'll only say that one look at it and Arthur Murray had burned down his studios Alice smiling broadly and strutting with his chest out He couldn't be any happier if he had a written guarantee that he wouldn't get a job for the next 20 years You know, I think she's gonna win I'm sure she is Richard Jane I've been looking all over for you. I tried to get here in time for the contest But I guess I'm too late Richard would what you have entered this contest with you any time Oh Richard imagine the two of us standing here in the Sun with the temperature a hundred and forty It's not a hundred and forty. Oh, it is when you talk that way Look Richard. Look Al and Irma have won the contest. Oh, so they have Jane Jane look at this wonderful cup. I won. Oh, congratulations, honey. Thanks, but personally, I don't think it's fair Why not? Well Al won the contest with me and if I won a cup the least they could have done was give him the saucer I Amma putting a bathing cap on a cake of swan soap before she put it in the bathtub So I said Irma. What's the bathing cap for and Irma said I don't want my swan to get water in his ears You know very well that Irma isn't serious because she knows that the best place for swan soap is right in the dish pan Sure when it comes to washing dishes swans in a class by itself why even the way a cake of swan feels tells you It's a perfect dish washing soap Next time feel the cake with your fingertips feel how swan super cream blend makes it differ from other soaps It feels smoother then feel those mild swan suds in your dish pan They feel different to richer creamier and they protect your hands Yes, thanks to swan super cream blend your hands are left with a smooth soft young look And here's an added note lady those swan suds rinse away. So completely your dishes don't need wiping now That's a real time saver So remember if you want a soap that protect your hands a soap that'll get you out of the kitchen in a hurry You want the soap with the exclusive super cream to blend swan soap Contest is over but it's still too hot to breathe so when we got home. I said you know honey Let's go to a movie. There are conditions. Well, what's playing Jane? Oh, there are lots of good pictures the Fuller brush man so evil my love the great waltz. Which one would you like to see gone with the wind? Gone with the wind or you've seen that picture 18 times in the past 10 years. Yes, isn't it wonderful the way? Cart Gable never gets a day older Gable may not be getting any older, but believe me. I'm getting a little grayer living with my friend My friend Irma presented by swan another fine product of lever brothers company was produced and directed by sigh Howard tonight's script was written by Sai Howard and Park Levy My friend Irma stars Marie Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lewis is Jane the part of Professor Kropotkin was played by Hans Connery Ladies and gentlemen, this is an important announcement. You all know the security loan drive is on Well, do you know just how much buying security bonds will help you save will help you reach? Objectives like a retirement income Education for your children start today and roll in a regular payroll saving plan where you work or where you bank But above all start to save now by buying and holding United States security bonds frank bingman speaking Yes, there's a reason why spry makes grand cake spry has an amazing cake improver secret Try the spry one ball way and be sure of lighter finer richer cakes every time No other type of shortening has spry's cake improver for new cake making success Try spry the pure all vegetable shortening Join in next week one hour earlier and listen to the Lux radio theater immediately followed by my friend Irma This is CBS where 99 million people gather every week the Columbia broadcasting system You