 The Craft Foods Company makers of Parquet Margarine present Willard Waterman as the great Gildesleeve! Gildesleeve is brought to you transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. Are you serving Crafts Parquet Margarine at your house? If not, we'd like to suggest you try it soon. Parquet is the margarine millions prefer because it looks wonderful, tastes wonderful, and spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Another reason for serving Parquet regularly is because every time you buy a pound of Parquet, you can order a pair of famous Powers model nylon stockings at half price. I'll have more to tell you later about this sensational offer by Parquet Margarine. Gildesleeve is right when he says there's no place like Summerfield. The town isn't too big and it isn't too small and the people are pretty much the same way. Not too big and not too busy to stop and pass the time of day, just as the water commissioner is doing with his friend Mr. Peavey. Yeah, hello Mr. Gildesleeve. What can I do for you this morning? How about a cup of coffee? I tell you, come in, I've already poured it. Good! Peavey, you know my habits pretty well. Yeah, but don't worry, I won't tell anybody about them. This coffee tastes a little weak. I don't know why, yesterday's coffee usually tastes a little strong. Is this the coffee I was drinking yesterday? No, this is the coffee you're drinking today. I mean, did you make it yesterday? I didn't make it at all. They sent it to me from Brazil. Oh my goodness. Maybe I didn't put in as much coffee this morning as I thought I did. You what? I was wearing my bifocals and perhaps I was looking through the reading part that makes the scoop look twice as wide. Yes, Peavey, you're a card. Yeah, I am quite a joker at times. Yes, yes. Well, that was a little witter system, Mr. Gildesleeve. Card, joker. There's a joker in a deck of cards, you know. I know. Of course, you don't have to use the joker, some people take it out. Yeah, I know, I know. I played Peanut Hill Bridge, Canasta, Rummy. Did you use the joker? What I mean, Peavey, is that I know there's a joker in every deck of cards. That's what I say. Well, if you... Say, look out front. Isn't that my boss parking his car? Yeah, that's Maricopa. Maybe I can buy him a cup of coffee. That's a good idea. I can buy him a sandwich and a piece of pie. I sell that too, you know. All right, Peavey. I'll go out and bring him in. He backed into somebody's car. That isn't somebody's car, that's my car. Oh, I better go out and ask him what he thinks he's doing. Well, Peavey, I'm sure it was a mistake. Hello, Mr. Mayor. Oh, hello, Gildesleeve, Peavey. What happened? My parking ain't backed into this car and broke a headlamp. Mine, mine. Well, it wouldn't have happened if some idiot hadn't parked so far from the curb. Mr. Mayor, Peavey's the idiot. Oh, no, I wouldn't care that. But it is my turn. Oh, I didn't know it was your car, Peavey. Well, small damage and nothing to worry about. Fortunately, we were friends. Of course we were friends. I'm glad to hear you say that, Mayor. Yeah, that's the spirit. Because I wouldn't like to hand a friend of mine a big repair bill. I feel the same way. Oh, it won't cost you much to replace my headlamp. Mr. Peavey, I was just thinking how light you're getting off repairing the dent in my rear fender. Well, we could just forget it on both sides. Who hit whose car, Mr. Gildesleeve? Gildesleeve, you saw how Peavey was parked way out the street. How do you know? You knocked me back two feet. It was a very gentle nudge, wasn't it, Gildesleeve? Well... It was such a loud, cranky, spilled his coffee. No, I didn't, Peavey. Look on your tie. Now, Peavey, let's not take advantage of our friendship. Gildesleeve isn't going to be swayed in your favor, Peavey. He works for me. Mr. Gildesleeve, whose tide are you on? Hmm, I'm in the middle. Yes, Bertie? I'll just go to dinner. I see. That's how I know it's you. Oh, dear. Yes, Leeroy. Apples? I haven't had time to tell him anything except we know he's home. We got a whole crank today, and boy, are they good. Sounds like you're eating the crates instead of the apples. Who sent us apples? The Expressman brought them. Oh? Here's the note that came with them. Let me see. Well, from Tyler Juris. Who's he? Here's the farmer on the outskirts of town. And let me see what he says. Why, as Leeroy, I want to hear what I'm reading. Okay. He was having trouble with a neighbor about irrigating his land, and I settled it by letting him take from the city. Is he going to pay for the water, or are you taking it out and apples? Please, Leeroy. Okay. Oh, Bertie. Bertie will have to hide the apples. Leeroy's hiding them as fast as he can. Go ahead, Uncle. I'm down to the core. Well, Farmer Juris says, in appreciation of the way I settled their squabble, he wanted to send me a crate of apples during National Apple Week. They said nine. I'll say. Well, George, I had quite a time getting those two fellas together. I just have a knack for getting people along with each other. Yes, sir. You're a politician, all right. No, Bertie, it isn't that. It's just a basic understanding of human nature. It's what's known as top-level know-how. Oh, brother. You know, I ought to talk to Peavey and the mayor about their problem. Are they on the out? The mayor backed into Peavey's car and broke a headlamp. One word led to another. Yeah? What were the words? Never mind, young man. They should get together and forget it. One's my best friend, the other's my boss, so why shouldn't I be the peacemaker? Yes, the words that could happen would be to lose your best friend or lose your job. No, Suri, I'm going to do it. The first thing in the morning, the water commissioner, is going to smooth the troubled waters. Did you notice me? You were in downtown this morning before I made coffee. Yep. You did that on purpose? No, I just wanted to get out early because I'm happy and at peace with the world. You know the feeling, Peavey. Sometimes I'm a little lightheaded before breakfast. This is the feeling you get when you hold ranker toward no man. You don't change. Peavey, do you know why I came down here so early this morning? Did your boss send you? No, no indeed. I haven't seen him. I never could change. No, Peavey. A little puffed up punk. Peavey! I'm not the only one in town who thinks so. You're all? Mrs. Peavey thinks so, too. She's lost. We even turned off television to talk about it last night. No, Peavey, it was only a little matter of a broken headlamp. Well, I didn't need to pay for it. Oh, the mayor has his side. He has his nerve. He's going to pay for that headlamp if Mrs. Peavey and I are going to put our foot down. Peavey, let's let calm heads prevail. Just because he's mayor doesn't mean a thing to me. He's just another John Doe citizen and I'm going to get some of his dough. But he's going to pay for that lamp or we're going to sue him. You're going to sue? Peavey, I'm sorry I came in here. No, I'm not. Right? I want you to be my witness. Peavey, I was just an innocent bystander. Well, you can stand by and prove me innocent. This is what I get for being somebody's best friend. Peavey doesn't get his dander up off. But by George this time he means it. And the only thing for me to do is go to the mayor and humor him into paying for the headlight and forgetting. Yes, who is it? You're a water commissioner, Your Honor. Oh, come in, guilty sleeve. Thank you. What is it? Have an apple, Your Honor. An apple? A friend of mine sent me some and I brought a few to the office. Well, just put it down the desk. Yeah, I'll put it here with unfinished business. If you don't want to eat it now, your secretary can file it under A for apple. Guilty sleeve, you evidently haven't much to do today. As a matter of fact, Your Honor, I thought I'd take the time to discuss your little altercation with Peavey. Oh, that. I have more important things to attend to. I've forgotten about it. You know, if I were you, I wouldn't forget about it. Oh? Peavey hasn't forgotten about it. In fact, he's thinking of suing you. Suing me, the mayor? Well, he doesn't consider you, I mean, that very important. I see. So why not pay him for his headlamp, Your Honor? He's only around $5. After all, why antagonize a voter? Guilty sleeve, are you suggesting that I buy votes? No, no, no, indeed, Your Honor. Why, 10,000 people voted for me of their own volition. I am aware of that. And at $5 a vote, that would be $50,000. What public official could afford that? Well, when you put it that way, it does sound a little expensive. I will not pay Peavey a penny. In fact, he's at fault, and I'll sue him. You're over it. You know, I'm sorry I brought it up. After all, you'd forgotten all about it. I'm glad you did bring it up. You know. I need you as a witness. Zeke. But, Your Honor, I'm spoken for. I'll be glad to get home this evening. It's been a hard day. I think I'll phone Irene Henshaw and go over there this evening. Forget about lawsuits. Sure. I'll go over and cry on her shoulder. That'll cheer me up. Yeah, things are okay, Marvin. Why did you phone me? I got something important to tell you. Leroy would be on the phone when I want to use it. My aunt's going to be in a lawsuit. Oop. When do we heard that? His witness. Big deal. Leroy, terminate the conversation. Okay. I'll just came home, Marvin. I'll find out all about it and call you back. So long. Young man, you will not call him back. Let's keep this quiet. What's wrong with being a witness for Mr. Peavey? Well, the mayor wants me to be his witness, too. No kidding. So don't go calling your friends and spreading it all over town. I sue Mr. Gillisly. My folks will want to know. I'm not involved in a lawsuit. Well, he didn't commit any crime. He's just a witness for both sides. Yes? How can he get away with that? Oh. Oh, boy. I can't wait for the trial to open. That's enough, Leroy. How can he testify for both sides? Simple. He talks out of both sides of his mouth. That will do. Okay. Just thought I'd get you used to being in court. Well, I'm not going to court. We don't stir up this thing again. Everybody will forget about it. Yes, Bernie. There was a man here to sue you today. Well, what do you want? He wanted to stab you with a subpoena. Oh, this is one of my bad days. The great Gillisly will be back in just a minute. Have you heard about Parquet Margarine's offer to mail you beautiful first quality nylon stockings at half price? Since Kraft, the makers of Parquet, began this offer way over a million pair have been ordered. Women are reordering again and again because they're such a remarkable value. 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Get the margarine made by Kraft, the delicious, appetizing margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold, Parquet Margarine. The great Gildus Eve might not be dodging a subpoena right now if he hadn't practically talked his good friend Peebee and his boss, the mayor, into suing each other. Both want him as a witness, but he is determined not to get caught in the crossfire. Oh, window shades, honk. Leroy, you never know when some process server will come in and peep in your window. How about setting some gopher traps out in the yard? Yes, yes. Mr. Gillespie's right about them process servers. You never know when they're gonna show up. Yeah? Yeah, that's right, Brittany. Oh, I knew a man who was dodging the bad news. He slipped out of town to get married. And before he could say, I do, the justice of the peep handed him a subpoena and said, you did. Oh, my goodness. He's probably better off in jail. Me right there ain't gonna jail your uncle. Are they? Of course not. They just want me to testify. Yes. But if I testify against Peebee, I lose a print. If I testify against the mayor, I might lose my job. And I lose my allowance. Oh, we all lose. Well, I'm not going looking for the guy. Trouble is, I wouldn't know who to testify for anyway. I don't know which one is in the wrong. Oh, why don't you just say that? Well, then they'd both hate me. Good thing it's the weekend and I can keep out of sight. Yes, sir. So if you went to the office, they'd sure need you. Heck, the office is the last place I'd ever find uncle. Oh, Leroy. Mr. Gillespie, you suppose you could make it across the county line if things get hot? Birdie, it's only... I got it, Uncle. Right? Why don't you take some of your old clothes and drop them on the bank of the reservoir? They think you jumped in. I wouldn't do anything phony like that. You mean you would jump in? No. Hey, somebody's at the back door. You want to answer, Mr. Gillespie? Birdie. I suppose it is the man. Uncle, what are you going to do? Well, I don't know, but I don't trust anybody. Look out the window, Leroy. Okay. Do we have anything in his hand? Yeah. A head of cabbage. Oh, that's a relief. Oh, you're nervous. Yes, I am. All right, George, I've got to get out of here. I think I'll phone Irene Henshaw and hide out there for the evening. Yeah. They're going to catch you. You might as well be enjoying yourself. That boy. Still, the man might look for me there. Yeah, I'll ask if I can come in the back way. This is you know who. Uncle! I guess I'm just a little nervous, Irene. I'll explain later. Oh. I wonder if I can come over this evening. Wonderful. You can take me to a movie. Yeah, no. No, I can't do that. Take you to a movie? No, thanks. I can't go anywhere. In fact, I want you to let me in the back door. We'll have an interesting evening. Sounds fascinating. See you at 7.30. Something? Irene, this is a serious matter. I really can't be seen. Bye-bye. Bye. Yeah, this is working out fine. Now, the only thing I have to worry about is getting out of the house. You never know when a processor will jump out at you. Yeah, I wonder if my top coat with the big collar is in the closet. Boo! He eyes! There's a big piggy there. Yeah, all right, my boy. If you want to give me a dime for popcorn, I'll run ahead and be your lookout. Nonsense, Leroy. I'm not going to bump into anybody out here on a dark night. I'll even go to Miss Henshaw's and sit with you. I'll be a lookout over there. When I get to Miss Henshaw's, I can look out for myself. Yeah, boy. Say, is that somebody following us back there? I can't tell. He's too dark and he's too far away. Well, let's not let him get any closer. Let's walk a little faster, Leroy. See what he does. Okay. What's he doing? He's walking faster, too. He probably saw me leave the house and has been following me ever since. Let's run and see what he does. Well, I'm not going to be slapped with the summons if I can help it. I'll give him a run for his money anyway. Yep. Who do they have serving subpoenas these days? Crazy legs first? Good idea. Didn't make it. What are you doing in the bush, Mr. Gildersleeve? I lost my dignity and I'm looking for it. I think this is Irene's back door. I'm going to sneak in the wrong apartment. Get on, Farmer. Milk box. Well, and I made it anyway. Who's there? It is not. It's me. Come in, Strachmorton. Thank you. Oh, who's your friend? You ain't no friend of mine. Scram cat. Scoot. Go hide somewhere until Halloween. Yeah, shit. I'm tired being followed. I'll just have to shut the door in your face. Come on into the living room, Strachmorton. Tell me what this is all about. Well, see, I see you had pork chops for dinner. Don't look at the kitchen. I haven't had time to do the dishes. Well, I could help you. You could wash and I could drive. Careful, or I'll take you up on that. Sit down and tell me why you're prowling around with alley cats. Yeah. The whole thing is silly. Manager Williger backed into Mr. Peabee's car and did about $5 worth of damage, and now I happen to see it. They should have forgotten about it, but now they're suing each other and they both want me as a witness. My, what a popular man. Glad your shades are pulled down. Why? Well, there's a deputy trying to find me and serve me with a subpoena. Oh, so that's why you've been so mysterious. Yeah. But I'm safe now. You sounded terribly frightened over the phone. You were practically trembling. Well, I'm still trembling. Look at my hand. You're faking. You are not. You can't even quiet me if you hold it. I doubt that. You don't want to hold one hand. How about holding both of them? Oh, Strachmoreton. Hey, what's that? Sounded like some bumpers clashing. It's probably somebody parking out front. Here, I better take a peek out the window. Strachmoreton, I doubt if it's your process server. Look, it's some clumsy old friend of park all right. Say, isn't that your car? He's pushing around. Watch out there. Let me see. Look at him. He has room enough. He doesn't have to bump your car. That's the man who lives across the street. He isn't hurting anything. Well, that's just the way PB lost the headlamp. I'm going out there. Strachmoreton, don't start anything with my neighbors. We've been getting along very... I'll be right back. Oh, dear. He's getting out of the car now. Just a minute there. What? There's plenty of room to park up and down the street without pushing somebody else's car around. Well, I was in a hurry to get in the house. I've had a bad day and I'm sorry. Being sorry isn't enough, old man. What do you mean? Just wait until I take a look to see if you've chipped Miss Henshaw's paint job. And if you have... Look, let's not argue. I said I've had a very frustrating day. Now, why don't you go back in the house and forget about it? Oh, the pushy type, huh? Maybe you don't know who I am. No, I don't. Well, I'm Strachmoreton P. Gilderslee's city water commissioner. Well, my day hasn't been a total loss after all. What? Here's your subpoena, Mr. Gilderslee. Hey, I'm subpoena. Go away, cat. Gilderslee will be with us again in just 30 seconds. Tomorrow's the day to buy Kraft's wonderful Parquet margarine, the margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold. You'll enjoy a Parquet's fresh, delicious labor, and you'll also enjoy the opportunity to build a glamorous, hosiery wardrobe at half price. In every package of Parquet margarine are full instructions for getting famous powers model nylon stockings for just 75 cents and an end flap from the Parquet package. When you shop tomorrow, remember Kraft's delicious Parquet margarine. Detail straight. When's the trial? When does it come up? What day? Morning afternoons at night court. Oh, for Leroy, there's not going to be any trial. What? It's been called off. They can't do that. You've been s- Well, I know this comes as disappointment to you, but Mr. Peavey and the mayor decided to forget about it. Oh, for corn's sake. Fact is, it wasn't big enough thing to get the court in the first place. Just in case there's too much temper on both sides. Well, let's storm up again. Would've cost Peavey money, would've cost the mayor money, and the taxpayers' money. Nobody wins in a lawsuit. The heck they don't. All right, this one all doped out. Oh? I was going to make a mint. You? I've been selling tickets to the kids to watch you testify for both sides. Oh, my goodness. This boy'll have me in court yet. Good night, folks. And Andy White and his friends' drive. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Stan Farrar, Lillian Randolph, Tommy Cook, Frosty Fowler, and Dick LeGrant. Musical compositions by Jack Beacon. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Crass Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Crass quality food products. Be sure to listen in next week and every week for the further adventures of the Great Kilda Sleeves. Delicious cold cuts for lunch and our supper make a welcome change of pace from the hot meals you've been serving. Easy to fix too, but here's a tip. Be sure there's delicious craft prepared mustard on the table. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. There are two kinds of craft mustard. Mile craft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced. And craft mustard with snappy horseradish added to give it extra zip. Keep both kinds on hand for different tastes. Next time, get craft prepared mustard. This is the NBC Radio Network.