 Chapter 7 of The Adventures of an Ugly Girl. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Betsy Walker, Santa Fe, New Mexico. The Adventures of an Ugly Girl by Elizabeth Burgoyne Corbett. Chapter 7. From prying eyes and fingers defend us, good lord. Is Madame Kaminsky visible? I inquired of the smart servant maid who answered my ring at the bell of the house to which I had been directed to go. Is it an appointment, madam? No, but I have reason to think that Madame Kaminsky will see me. If you will step inside, I will ask her. What name shall I give? Miss Dora Saxon. This change of name was the result of my deliberations while on my way here. It struck me as desirable in Bell's interests. In Bell's? How strange it seemed that I should have to resort to trickery and subterfuge for the sake of one who, though so nearly related to me, was yet my mortal enemy. Yet so it was, for it was not the happiness of those whom I loved best on earth involved in her immunity from punishment if she were guilty, and in her protection from false accusation if she were innocent. Ah, would to God I could have thought the latter. My course of conduct would then have been much easier for me. You wish to see me? Was the question addressed to me after a while in such a musical voice that I glanced at the owner of it in pleased surprise as I answered somewhat eagerly? Yes, Madame Kaminsky. I have been told that you are seeking a companion and would like to secure the post. I can give you good credentials. And references to former employers? I have never lived away from home before. And why may I ask do you come to me now? My home associations have become painful. I was to have been married a month ago, but... The old story, your lover forsook you? No. My lover died. There was a quick glance of sympathy and a few moments' pause. Then Madame Kaminsky resumed, Your story is very sad, but I am afraid that for that very reason I cannot entertain the idea of making you my companion. I want someone who will be cheerful and bright, not a woman whose bearing will wear the impress of a tragic past. Pray do not think me unfeeling, but I often have to leave my little daughter for days together and would not like her to be made melancholy. You would find me as cheerful as you could desire. I intend to cast my past from my mind as much as possible. If I could think that. But there is no need to give the whole conversation in detail. Suffice it to say that I prevailed upon Madame Kaminsky to write to Mr. Garth for further particulars of me, and that I obtained her promise to engage me should his reply prove satisfactory. Feeling quite sure that this would be the case and that Madame Kaminsky was a woman who could be trusted, I told her that my real name was Courtney, but that I preferred to be called Miss Saxon for the future as I did not wish it to be known that I had left home to go to service. As it happened, it was well that I took my prospective employer into my confidence. She had heard something about my history from the newspapers and my candor seemed to win both her sympathy and her goodwill. She insisted upon my having lunch with her and introduced me to her daughter Fidirona, a girl of ten who could not boast of a much more attractive appearance than myself. But by and by, as she grew to womanhood, her looks might improve and she might possibly become more like her mother, who certainly was a very beautiful woman being tall, stately, and inclined to en bon poing, though as yet being only sufficiently stout to make her voluptuously perfect. Her fine dark eyes, grecian features, clear skin, and purple black hair which waved and curled about her brows and charming disorder would seem to disclaim a Mongolian origin altogether and were all in harmony with her musical voice and graceful gait. Two days later, a very satisfactory reply to Madame's letter having come from Mr. Garth, all arrangements were completed. My luggage had been sent for and I was formally installed as companion governess in the household of Madame Kaminsky, who readily agreed to my wish that my true appellative should be discarded for the present and that I should be introduced only as Miss Saxon. I had not forgotten May Morris's idea that absence of good looks was the best recommendation to Madame's favor, but I did not let the notion worry me. I was by this time convinced that nature, when denying me beauty, had given me some compensating qualifications and Madame Kaminsky was so kind and friendly with me that I found no difficulty in being comparatively happy and wholly cheerful. Federona, or Theo, as she was called by her mother, seemed to have taken quite a fancy to me and I won her heart altogether when I proposed teaching her to play the violin. I found her to be an apt and docile pupil, but as masters came to the house to teach her many of the branches of her education, such portion of it as fell on my shoulders did not prove onerous. We starved for St. Petersburg on Monday, said Madame Kaminsky, Friday after I had become a member of her household, looking up from a paper which she was reading. I suppose you have no objections to go there, Miss Saxon? None whatever, Madame. I shall like it very much, I am sure. I have no doubt you will, for you will have every possible comfort and will mingle in the best society St. Petersburg affords. And you, Theo, now that you are going to see your cousins again, must not neglect your English. I shall depend upon Miss Saxon to insist on constant practice in that and in French. You may depend on me and upon Theo, too. We have already made a compact to speak nothing but English together one week and nothing but French the next. And, Mother, what is the use of saying Miss Saxon every time? Why don't you call her Dora like I do? She will really seem like one of the family then. Well, Dora be it with all my heart, child. Ah, what's this? Dora, I find that I have to go out of town today. I may be back tomorrow, but cannot be sure. You will see that the servants push on with the packing. Certainly I will do my best to make up for your absence. Madame Kaminsky had evidently read something in the last letter she had opened which had caused her to form the sudden resolution of leaving home that day. She hastily gathered the papers which had come by that morning's post together and was leaving the breakfast room with them when Theo exclaimed, Oh, Mother, it is too bad. You promised to take us to the theatre this evening. My dear child, I cannot help that. This journey cannot be postponed. You shall go to the ground theatre soon after we arrive in St. Petersburg. You know that I never willingly disappoint you or break a promise to you. Forgive me, dear Mother. I won't complain again. From this it may be gathered that Theo was a docile affectionate child and such I always found her. I could not help hazarding a faint conjecture as to the nature of the business which took Madame from home at a time when one would suppose her presence to be more than usually necessary in it. But it was no business of mine and I found sufficient to-do to occupy all my thoughts and time for the next few days. It was Monday at noon before the mistress of the household returned to it. I was spared and somewhat dispirited but insisted upon starting for St. Petersburg that night as had already been arranged. A week later we were all comfortably installed in a splendid house on the Nevsky Prospect and my eyes were fairly dazzled by the magnificence of some of the houses to which I was introduced. I was very glad that my wardrobe was so liberally furnished and that I was at least possessed of the means of mitigating my plainness as far as was possible. I was also spared some of the humiliation which had so often been meted out to me in England whether it was that I was surrounded by more people whose chief characteristic was lack of physical beauty or whether it was that less importance was attached to the possession of mere outward charms I cannot say. But it is certain that my personal deficiencies were less often brought home to me here and greatly to my surprise probably when the favour of several cultured aristocrats who apparently never dreamed of discounting my few mental attractions because I was only a hired companion. Many of them spoke English and showed great interest in our social laws and customs so different to those prevailing among themselves. To the best of my ability I answered all the questions put to me sometimes. I fear forgetting that to extol English institutions was to decry the systems of the land in which I had temporarily found a home. One evening, Madame, always good to me had taken me with her to the house of a certain prince and princess, Michelo. Both of them welcomed her with great warmth and affection. The princess, who proved to be English and only a few years older than myself was a girl of strikingly imposing figure and lovely appearance. Her rich, glittering, auburn hair framed a face of the purest oval. Her arch-peakant features were set off by a complexion of exquisite fairness and purity. The cheeks reminding me of nothing so much as of the dainty pink dog roses I had so often delighted to gather at home. Her teeth were white and even and were given plenty of opportunity for display by their smiling owner. But her eyes struck me as her chief charm. They were large and limpid, fringed by dark lashes and were of the deepest azure with a bright red amber iris that gave them an almost uncanny beauty. She was dressed in a gown of soft pale blue surah and her only jewels were pearls. But such pearls and such a mass of them in ropes, strings, sprays and festoons which helped to put the finishing touch to as fair a vision of human beauty as I had ever beheld. I was half inclined to stand in awe of her at first and to shrink into a pained comparison of her appearance and mine. But her frank, cheery smile and demonstrative welcome at once put that nonsense out of my head. And I was henceforth content to worship her as the embodiment of all that was good and beautiful. My admiration must have shown in my eyes for the prince bent down to me and said smilingly, in rather broken English, I perceive that Miss Saxon's tastes are similar to my own. I hope she will often favour us with a visit. My wife has been looking forward to meeting Madame Kaminsky's new friend. New friend? Was that Prince Micaelo's delicate way of putting the case? Or did he really not know that I was Madame's pain companion? I caught myself revolving this conjecture even while conversing brightly with outward ease, but it was not destined to trouble me long. Later on in the evening Madame Kaminsky who was a brilliant conversationalist and an evident favourite wherever she went, being surrounded by a group of admiring friends, I found myself somewhat isolated and thrown upon my own resources. Yet I was by no means tired or dull, for I watched the ever-varying panorama in the brilliant salon in which I found myself with considerable interest. One man in particular attracted my notice by his somewhat sinister aspect and gloomy bearing. He stood half concealed by the draperies of a large portiere with erect figure and folded arms, looking at Madame Kaminsky with an expression in his eyes which I found it difficult to fathom but which gave me uneasy conviction that it boded her no good. He was tall, a fine-billed and bearing and would, I think, by most people be considered handsome. But there was a depression of the eyes and upper part of the nose which I did not like and which seemed to me to argue the possession of a cunning and perhaps malignant nature. My inability to fathom the meaning of his frequent glances in Madame Kaminsky's direction began to irritate me. Was it love he felt for her or was it hate? If the latter, why did such a look of desire shine from his eyes when they rested on her sparkling beauty? If the former, why did he frown and clinch his hands at the sound of her merry laugh? You seem engrossed in contemplation of Count Karinyev, said a voice at my elbow. Does his appearance charm you so much? By no means, I replied quickly, turning to Princess Mikhelov seated herself by my side, on the contrary. He strikes me as rather repellent than otherwise. I have been wondering if he hates Madame Kaminsky. Certainly not. He is madly in love with her. Unfortunately for him, our friends taste Lien in another direction and she has been compelled to reject his suit. Then he does hate her and his glances mean revenge. I hope not. He is a dangerous enemy. There are several people now doing penance in the Fortress of Saint Peter and Paul who have been doomed to their awful fate through his denunciations. Only last week, the son of one of these, a mere child of fifteen, was banished to Siberia and there is little doubt that Count Karinyev has a hand in this business also. But what could he, a boy of fifteen, have done to deserve so horrible a fate? He has done nothing to deserve it. No one pretends to say that he has. But he is a bright and intelligent lad who might someday be seized by a desire to avenge the wrongs of his parents and he is the heir to a vast property which is now confiscated by the state. Of course, the man who has given the state an excuse for increasing its revenue has also come in for a share of the spoil. What a monstrous system. What a monstrous... For God's sake, be quiet. If you are overheard talking like that, we are lost. How could I have been indiscreet enough to dwell on the taboos subjects like that? I think it must be through meeting with someone who is as unsophisticated as I was myself when I first came here only twelve months ago. So short a time as that? Yes, so short a time as that. I came out here as Madame Kaminsky's companion. Thanks to her goodness, she has many social advantages given to me as if I had been a sprig of nobility instead of being merely the daughter of a poor country curate who had found it necessary to leave me home to earn a livelihood. How kind fate has been to me. I was scarcely here before I won the love of a man who is now my husband. I have surely all that a woman can desire. I love and I am beloved and I revel in unlimited I am able to free my parents from the harassing anxieties against which they have hitherto had to contend. Still you must be perfectly happy. I have only one wish ungratified. I would dearly like to live in England and to escape the constant espionage to which we are all subject. But this cannot be. So I spend as much time in the company of English people as I can. Do you know Madame Kaminsky brought an English companion out here three years ago? She was very fond of her and was somewhat cut up when Miss Vernon, a very handsome woman by the by, left her to get married. When I left her, she said that she would have no more companions as she grew fond of them only to lose them. I am very glad she has altered her mind. So then, Madame had been actuated by Lady Gage, a pretty girl, as her companion. She had few relatives, felt somewhat lonely in the house and desired to secure a companion who would likely to remain a member of her household for some time. Struck with this conviction, I felt more assured than ever of the real kindness of Madame's nature and actually felt glad for the moment that there was no likelihood of her being disappointed in me as she had been disappointed in her other companions. Little did I dream how soon she would stand in dire need of a loving friendship she to whom the world seemed to wear so smiling and benign and affront. While we had been talking, there had been a slight movement of dispersal and some of the guests now claimed the attention of the princess who had certainly given me a disproportionate share of her attention. Soon afterwards, we also took our leave and both Madame and myself seemed to have plenty of food for pleasant thought during the short drive home. The next morning it was found a difficult matter to rouse Fio at the usual time and her maid expressed the opinion that the child must be ill. I went to see her and found her pale, sick and languid, possessed of a violent headache and consuming thirst. Somewhat alarmed, I announced my intention of summoning a doctor at once. But to this, Fio entered very strenuous objections. Indeed, Miss Dora, I am not really ill, she protested. I shall soon be all right again and I'll never, never do it again as long as I live. Do what, child? Oh, that would be telling, and I promised Olaf that I wouldn't tell. That mischievous little cousin of yours, you have been up to some naughtiness together. Tell me, have you been out and caught a fever or something of that sort? Oh, dear no, Dora. At least we caught something, but it isn't a fever and we didn't have to go out for it. Oh, dear my head. Well, I must go and see if Madame knows what will cure you. Oh, Dora, dear, pray don't. She would be so vexed. Look here, I'll tell you all about it if you'll promise not to let Mother know what is the matter with me. But suppose you should get worse. Madame would blame me then and serious mischief might result from delay. Oh, Dora, you are so silly. Why can't you understand? I see I shall have to tell you everything. But do give me a drink of lemonade first. I shan't get worse. That is certain. They never do, Olaf says so. Let Tricia fetch you a cup of coffee. Bah! Do you want to make me sick? I want lemonade and you might. Yes, I wish you would get me some wood key to put in it. Wood key? No, I'm not crazy. But I think you must be or else you would understand that it's just the cats and jammers that's the matter with me. Cats and jammer? What a queer complaint. I hope it isn't catching. But at this, Fio suddenly became convulsed with laughter, provoked there too, I think, by the comical aspect of Tricia, who had all this time remained in the room and who had thrown up her hands in horror at the name of the mysterious disease. The sight of Fio's mirth began to make me feel angry for it struck me that she had been hoaxing me a little. But all at once the laughter ceased and was replaced by sobs, amid which I heard an occasional protest to the effect that she would never do it again. No, never. I now deemed it wisest to keep silent for a while and presently Fio raised a repentant and shame-faced countenance to mine. I'll tell you all about it, she said, but you must promise not to tell Mother. If it is nothing very bad, of course it isn't. Very well, then, I promise. I knew you wouldn't be nasty with me and now I'll explain what Captain Jammer is. You get it after you have been tipsy. Fio! It's quite true. You see, last night after Mother and you had gone out Uncle Fiodor and Aunt Anna called with Olaf to take me to the theater as they had promised to do. But Olaf didn't want to go to the theater and asked me to stay at home and play with him. He knew of such a splendid new game, he said, so we got permission to stay here, for I thought Olaf's new game was something wonderful. He made such a flesh about it when he ran to my room to persuade me to agree to his plan. Then, when we were alone, he said, I have a short story to tell you first. Our old Ivochik who has been with us so many years has got dismissed today for getting drunk. He has often been drunk and he was told that if he did it once more he would lose his place. Old Hans, who is a German, knew the penalty of offending again and he was always troubled with what he called the Katzenjammer after he had been tipsy but this seemed to make no difference. He got tipsy yesterday and couldn't drive the carriage when Mother wanted to go out in the afternoon. So he was packed off about his business in disgrace. Now don't you think, Theo, that it must be delightful to get drunk? If it were not, do you think a poor man would risk so much for the sake of drinking vodka? I'm sure he wouldn't. So I am determined to try what it feels like to be tipsy and I want you to share the fun. We'll pretend to be two friends who haven't seen each other for a long time and we'll keep inviting each other to have a drink with us. I suppose it makes us have the Katzenjammer after it. Oh then we only have to take a little drop more vodka and then we shall be better again. So at last I agreed and Olaf reached a decanter and some glasses out of the sideboard and we made ourselves tipsy. It was great fun too for we grew quite jolly and we danced and we sang forever so long. Then Olaf fell asleep on the floor and I came to bed. I don't know whether Olaf wakened up and it isn't half so jolly as I thought it would be. My head aches awfully and I'm never going to get drunk again. Was it very wrong of me to be so stricken with laughter that I found it necessary to turn away to hide my emotion? I'm afraid a strict moralist would hardly approve of my behavior and I must have felt some twinges of conscience or I would not have tried so hard to recover a stern demeanor. Finally I succeeded and drew such a picture of future horrors that would certainly be the consequence of indulgence and a taste for a strong drink that Theo was almost frightened out of her wits and was not likely to transgress again in a hurry. Of course I tabooed the idea of giving her any more of the pernicious stuff which had made her ill. As Tricia appeared to know all about the matter I purchased her silence by the gift of a silver ruble which she received with many manifestations of satisfaction. Then I ordered some hot extract of beef to be brought for Theo, advised her to lie still for an hour or two and went to the morning room in search of Madame. I found her looking somewhat disturbed. She always had a surprising amount of letters seeing that she was a private individual. I had once or twice offered to take some of the fatigue of correspondence off her hands but to this she would never consent. Indeed I never even saw the addresses of the letters she sent away as might have been the case that she cared to trust me with the duty of writing them down to her dictation. There was much that was mysterious in her way of receiving and dispatching her postal communications and she was so good-natured with me on every other point that I knew she must have a good and sufficient reason for keeping me aloof in this respect. On this particular morning one of her letters had brought her tidings which necessitated a sudden change of plans on her part as had been the case when in London she left home for a few days scarcely allowing herself time to have a small porkmanteau packed and giving us not the slightest idea of where she was going or how long she would be away. I was told that she depended upon me to take her place in the household as far as possible but specific directions she had not time to give me. That afternoon I was writing a letter to Mrs. Garth when Theo came into my room. I wish she would take me for a drive, Dora, she said. My headache is nearly gone and I believe fresh air would cure it altogether. So I put my half-finished letter on one side, ordered the carriage and prepared myself to go out with Theo. We both enjoyed the drive and as I was still fresh to many of the sites of St. Petersburg there was plenty of subject matter for conversation. On arriving home I repaired it once to my own room as I was anxious to finish the letter which I had begun to write to Mrs. Garth. I took the key of my room door out of my pocket. As I did not want the prying eyes of any of the servants to glance over my correspondence I had taken the precaution of locking my door instead of putting my papers into my desk again. I was somewhat surprised to find that the door was not locked after all and thought for a moment that I might have been mistaken as to having turned the key. But no. There had been no mistake. I distinctly remembered that after taking the key out of the lock I had tried the door handle. It would not yield to my touch. Therefore the door had been locked. It was not locked when I returned. It was evident then that it had been tampered with during my absence. But who could have taken such an unwarrantable liberty? The question puzzled me until I recalled to mind a figure I had seen on the stairs as I came up. It was the figure of a man whom I had not seen before but who was walking leisurely downstairs as if he felt assured of a safe and familiar footing in the house. Who or what could he be? A servant in the house? I thought not. What then? A spy? At the mere thought of being subject to the government espionage of which I had heard so much my limbs trembled under me and I fairly gasped for breath. I thought of Mae Morris and heard gruesome predictions and the wildest consternation seized me as I wondered if I had written anything that could compromise me. Had my letter to Mrs. Garth been overhauled? I must ascertain if possible. I examined my blotting case and papers. They did not look as if they had been disturbed. I was putting them down again, half reassured, when I perceived the faint impress of what must have been a dirty thumb on the edge of the sheet of no paper on which I had been writing. I disclaimed the idea of having soiled the paper myself but resolved to apply a test in order to be quite sure. Taking another sheet of paper and wetting my right thumb with ink I lightly grasped the paper between my thumb and forefinger leaving upon it a slight mark. Then, taking a magnifying glass from the table, I observed the two marks with its aid. The veining on them were totally different. I had not soiled the half-written letter. A spy had been in my room. Could it be that trouble was in store for me and that I had already fallen under the ban of suspicion? Madame was away for a week. When she returned I was struck by the anxious expression of her face and still more by the evident effort with which she strove to be her old bright self. Are you not well? I asked her, feeling considerable solicitude on her behalf. Quite well, Adora, only a little tired after travelling. Tell me, has anything notable occurred during my absence? There have been several callers. Were the Prince and Princess Micaela here? Yes, they came on Thursday and took Pheo and myself out to drive. We spent a very pleasant afternoon. Pheo is spending the day with them again. And Count Karinev, has he been here? No. I thought so. I must be on my guard against him. Is that all you have to tell me? There is something else. But I am not sure that it is worth mentioning or that the circumstances warrant the uneasiness they have caused me. For heaven's sake, tell me all there you little dream all there may be at stake. I am convinced there is a spy in the house. Hush, what was that? As I uttered the last words, I sprang to my feet and ran towards a large portier which seemed to me to have moved while I was speaking. The door behind the portier was open and I was just in time to see the figure of a man disappear around an angle of the great corridor into which all the rooms on this floor opened. When I turned and faced Madame again after carefully shutting the door I saw that she was deadly pale and that she was literally shaking with nervous apprehension. I hastily gave her a glass of wine which she just as hastily drank and then sat looking at me with a mute question in her startled eyes. A man has just run away from this door. He has been listening. I whispered, feeling as if the raising of my voice might bring ruin on the unnerved woman of whom I had already grown fond. Then I rapidly related how I had been driven to the conclusion that the house was under espionage. Was there anything in the letter that could be construed as matter of mischievous tendency? Madame asked anxiously. Nothing whatever was my confident reply. I had merely said that my life in St. Petersburg was being made very pleasant and I had met a great number of very nice people. After I discovered that my correspondence had been overlooked I destroyed the letter and resolved not to dispatch another in its place until I had consulted you. On Thursday I wrote out a page from Milton's Paradise Lost and left it together with my blotting book and writing materials on the Esquitois in this room. When I examined the things on my return I found that the page of poetry and the top layer of blotting paper out of my blotter had disappeared. Ah, that door is opening. The door which slid on noiseless hinges was quite concealed by the potier but a very slight motion imparted to the latter by the incoming draft had not escaped my watchful attention and the spy, whoever he was was baffled again for a time from Madame's spring up and drew the large curtains to one side so that it was impossible for the door to be moved again without our being aware of it. To make assurance doubly sure we slid the bolts that were on the inside. Then we explored the room which opened out of the large morning room in which we had been sitting. We soon satisfied ourselves that nobody was there and then, after locking the doors of that room also to prevent unwarranted intrusion we sat down to discuss the matter more fully. Dora said, Madame, just reach me my desk willingly I obeyed and then the desk was carefully overhauled by its owner who became still more agitated when she failed to discover certain papers of which she was in search. I am lost, she said despairingly. I have been mad to keep those letters and yet how could I destroy them when they were as life itself to me? Oh, my God! Have I been too late after all? Is he already in the hands of those cursed bloodthirsty devils? Holy Mother of God save me from going mad. My own bewilderment and alarm were momentarily increasing but I used my best endeavors to soothe the distracted woman at my side. For pity's sake I implored, be calm to lose your self-control may help to bring about the very disaster you fear. And think of Theo she will still claim your attention whatever may be the demands upon your fortitude. My darling Theo, God help her if anything befalls me for those ravening wolves my enemies will have scant mercy upon the child of a suspect. Dora, can I trust you? Dare I put my secrets in your keeping? God, helping me I will do all I can for you. I believe you, now listen. Madame Kaminsky spoke in a low voice but with a painful concentration of purpose and a nervous clasping and unclasping of her hands which could only be of extreme agitation and dread. Listen, she said once more. I belong to a family which has given many martyrs to the cause of freedom and from my earliest youth I was taught to hate that merciless juggernaut the Russian autocracy with all its vile ramifications of pillage and murder. Pa, curse it! What does government do for us? It revels in luxury and splendors drained from the lifeblood of millions of drowning victims. It grinds the people into nothingness as remorselessly as the millstones crush the wheat with which they are fed. But the day will come when even that mighty thing of evil will be numbered among the curses of the past and when wealth and happiness are no longer all absorbed by the thin crust of society while all beneath it is one mass of rotten, seething corruption and misery. They talk of hell. Hell could displace sufferings equal to those which have been endured by my people. What hell could be big enough to hold all the accursed wretches who have for ages helped to trample out the lives and souls of a vast nation? Madame, Madame! I whispered in renewed alarm. Think how dreadful it will be if you are overheard. Why, yes, she said, sinking her voice again. I believe I must be mad for all one's hopes, the failure of all one's plans, the utter hopelessness of trying to rescue even one unit among all these millions from the remorseless fate which an iron autocracy meets out for it. Where are now all my struggles? Lost, wasted, gone! Crashed by the foul harpies who bloat themselves on the miseries of others. But I forget that you do not yet know my history. Listen, I will tell it to you. End of Chapter 7 Recording by Betsy Walker Chapter 8 Of The Adventures of an Ugly Girl This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Betsy Walker, Santa Fe, New Mexico. Adventures of an Ugly Girl by Elizabeth Burgoyne Corbett Chapter 8 Brave hearts and willing hands may foil even Satan himself. I had, continued Madam, father, mother, sister and two brothers, all of whom were sacrificed to the mulloch of oppression. My father's estates were confiscated and his castle was handed into the possession of his betrayer, to whom he was also given a title and who was henceforth known as Count Karinev. I, a babe in arms, was surely spared in fiendish irony of purpose and was consigned to the care of a childless couple in St. Petersburg who had strict injunctions to bring me up as their own offspring and who, in consideration of the small income they received with me, kept the secret of my birth until I was 19. My father died and his wife Marie, having confidence in my discretion and a premonition that her own end was not far off, showed me my true vocation. She told me of all that my relatives had suffered and how my mother had been subjected to imprisonment, torture, the lash, and personal degradation because she would say nothing that would incriminate my father. I have often since heard of the horrors of St. Peter and Paul. In your country they speak with bated breath of banishment to Siberia as the extreme compass of human suffering. We know that it is the one ray of hope which gleams before the eyes of those who are denounced. Complete freedom will never be theirs again, but there are gradations in even the lowest ruts of misery, and I would pray for the devil himself to be saved from the anguish endured by those condemned to the fortress. What wonder that, thinking I should pant for vengeance and that I should devote all my future energies to foiling some of the plots against my compatriots. But Marie Galtioff infused in me some of her own caution and cunning. Both she and her husband had belonged to revolutionary societies for years without once exciting suspicion of their loyalty. Henceforth I derived my chief satisfaction in hoodwinking our oppressors. I habitually met kindred spirits, among them being Fyodor Kominsky, who afterward became my husband. Perhaps it was well for him that death claimed him soon after Theo was born. His spirit was too ardent to have worked in the dark much longer. For some years after I became a widow I supported myself in various ways. Then my opportunity came from a quarter least expected, a member of our society who possessed great influence at court where he was supposed to be one of the most loyal supporters of the throne was asked to recommend some lady who would make an efficient government spy. He nominated me for the office. The pay was on a princely scale. The social advantages attending the post were great. There was no circle deemed too high for my entry into it on apparent terms of equality with the most exclusive. My credentials were indisputable and my own conversational ability did the rest. I became a general favorite in society and might have been happy could I but have faithfully performed the day's duty for which I was paid. My employers gave me every opportunity of spying and denouncing suspected persons. I denounced a good many when I saw that their discovery by others was inevitable. But I always contrived to let them have sufficient warning to escape before the bolt fell. I was doing good work to keep my people under the mask of an alien to patriotism. Above all, I was occupying a place which will soon, I fear, be occupied by a substitute whose aims and aspirations will not be as mine have been. When I was in St. Petersburg in the early spring Count Karinyev, the son of my father's old enemy was introduced to me and I found it a terribly difficult matter to be civil to him. It was, however, necessary to curb the anger which his very name aroused in me. But when the Catef's welp actually dared to propose marriage to me my scorn and hatred overstepped the bounds of prudence and my rejection was so fierce as to astonish him. I see, madam, he said, his face glittering with the evil which his heart is so full to bursting. I understand you better than you understand yourself. You see in me a man of strong feeling and you think it is necessary to use strong words with me in order to drive me from my purpose. But I tell you that your beauty has aroused my passions and I will gratify them even though you raised ten thousand objections. You are so unnecessarily vehement that I conclude you have a more favored lover one more over who resembles me not at all. And you think to marry him? I swear you shall marry none but me. Nay, if you do not beware I will bring that about which shall make you turn to me for help which shall make you only too happy to throw yourself into my arms and yield yourself to my embraces. As for your lover, I shall find him and I shall silence him never fear. His golden hair shall turn gray with horror and his blue eyes shall become dim with anguish. He has neither golden hair nor blue eyes, I cried, trembling with the awe the fierce man's words evoked. Thank you," was his reply. I thought that as you seem so disgusted with my proposal your enamorato must be my antithesis. Now I am sure of it. If it had not been so you would have been glad to permit me to retain an erroneous opinion. Good day, madam. Perhaps when we next meet you will have become wiser. With this the viper left me and I sat bereft of all my usual fortitude. For I knew him to be capable of as much villainy as his father before him and I had practically betrayed Victor Karniak to him, for his instinct had led him to form a correct idea of the appearance of my intended husband. That he would hound him down I had no doubt. But I was not so paralysed by Karinyev's threats as to hesitate long about what I must do. That night I attended a meeting near Liszt's, not far from here. I had difficulty in reaching the place unobserved and carefully disguised. I saw Karinyev and two of his mermidons watching my house. I explained the impossibility of my further attendance at the meetings for some time, as my presence might lead to the discovery and betrayal of my associates. There were those among them who swore that if there must be a victim it should be Karinyev himself. I would have rejoiced any time since then to have heard the removal of the Pistiferous Karinyev, but he bears a charmed life, or rather he is too well aware of his danger to go anywhere unguarded, for he has denounced too many people not to fear vengeance from some quarter. Victor Karniak was persuaded to leave St. Petersburg for a time, and it was considered wisest for us not to meet again until we could do so with more safety. I was sent to England on what was deemed business soon after this, and hoped that Karinyev's mischievous intentions were rendered impossible of achievement. Meanwhile Victor, having been imprudently active in Odessa, narrowly escaped capture by shipping as a common seaman on board a steamer in place of a drunken sailor who had fallen overboard. In due time he reached London. We found means of meeting, and had been married in an English registry office. But we dared not return together, and I dared not delay my own return as I had much information to give concerning many Russians who have escaped to England, some of them with Victor's help, and mine. They are safe where they are and will assuredly never return to Russia having been warned of what they might expect. So I feel no twinches of conscience because I have convinced the government beyond doubt that they are out of Russian territory and beyond Russian jurisdiction. My husband anxious to be near me sometimes, and having considerable property which he wishes to realize if possible, followed me here. He was at the Princess Mikhailov's reception, and though we were study cool to each other, I once saw Karinyev looking at us with such an appearance of malicious conviction on his face that I felt sure he suspected our secret. Victor, who had been called by an alias in Odessa, believed himself to be recognized, and would have tried to leave the country again, but was taken ill, and has been unable to quit his bed for more than a week. I have been with him the greater part of the time, and he is only since yesterday strong enough to rise and dress himself. This morning I saw him, disguised as an old peddler, and armed with a license and pass which a friend had procured for him, start on a journey, every inch of which is fraught with danger of detection and death. God grant that shaken as he is with his recent illness, he may find himself once more in your land of freedom ere long. But I fear, I fear, for my enemy has been active. He has been missing from his usual haunts, and has been trying to discover my husband's whereabouts. This I have been told by the people who on my behalf have been watching Karinyev. He did not come here to seek me, because he knew I was not here. That he has not known exactly where I was, I can but hope, for the sake of Victor and friends who have helped us. But that he has already denounced me as a traitor and a nihilist, I was told today on my way here. I would not have entered the house again, but would have tried to escape had I means of travel with me. Besides, I could not in any case have left feel. Had I done so, my child would surely have fallen under the vengeance of those who have gloatingly crushed out the lives of their innocent children. I had hoped to get away under cover of night, but alas, what you have told me since I came home has served to convince me that I am already too closely watched to be permitted to escape. Dora, my friend, helped me for the love of God, for I already feel in anticipation all the horrors of the fortress and I can no longer plan clearly. All this had been spoken in a voice too low to penetrate as far as the door, but clear enough for me whose head was bent close to madame's to distinguish every word of it. For a few moments I could only continue to gaze at my friend in blank dismay. Then, as certain possibilities presented themselves before my mental vision, I clasped my hands angrily and explained great heaven, why am I not tall and beautiful when so much size and beauty is wasted on people who do not know how to use it. Recalling that time, I am not surprised at the change my apparently irrelevant lament wrought in madame Kaminsky's demeanor. She sprang to her feet and fairly hissed at me in her wrath. Fool, fool, that I have been to imagine my troubles could really interest the compared of stranger. I betray all my secrets to you and implore your aid and only succeed in evoking from you a lamentation concerning your own lack of beauty. God, what small minds there are in this world. Madame, I cried, springing to my feet in my turn, you mistake me. I am devoted to you and will do anything to help you. I expressed myself clumsily, but I meant to say that if I were more like you, I could change places with you. As it is, the plan is hopeless, but we will think of something else. God is not always on the side of the mighty. As I spoke I put my arms around madame and kissed her affectionately. The revulsion of feeling produced in her mind by my words and actions broke the intense strain under which she had labored, and she embraced me convulsively, a perfect storm of sobs shaking her frame. I strove as best I could with my own emotion and let madame cry on. I knew it would do her good. Presently she grew calmer, and after a while her sobs ceased altogether. I am better now, she said. I feel as if a great cloud were rolled from my brain. I can think and plan once more. My mother, they say, had a courage of a martyr. If I fall my enemies shall not gloat over my cowardice. Suppose we open the doors again. It is not wise to show a spy that we fear him. I had just opened the door and put the portier into its usual position when treachery, the German nurse came to see her mistress. She walked into the room without invitation. I believe madame meets friends, she said in a low cautious voice. I have seen that which makes me think so. Madame has been good to me. If she will not be angry at my presumption I will be her faithful keeper. As treachery ceased speaking, she looked at her mistress anxiously as if half afraid of reproof. But of that she met none, and the friendly clasp of the hand which madame tried to show her appreciation of the risk the faithful creature was running in offering to help a suspect was to her a seal of allegiance. For a little while we deliberated together, forming and rejecting one plan after another. Presently, an unusually vigorous peel at the visitor's bell made itself heard even here where the Cenaris reverberations seldom penetrated. We all turned pale, and the same unspoken question was in all our eyes. Is the enemy already upon us? Is it too late to escape? Even evils are welcomed at times when they come in the place of a still more dreaded one. And we were all positively relieved when a footman presently came to ask madame if she would see Count Karinev in the salon. Tell him I will see him immediately, said madame. Instinctively both treachery and I knew what should be done, and we hastened to madame's face with odour cologne to brush her hair, to alter her toilet a little, and to give her face the appearance of quiet composure by means of a little powder and rouge. The results were arrived at quickly. The effect was good, and madame's bearing in her appearance as she went down to interview her mortal enemy were the reverse of those of a betrayed and despairing woman who anticipated a horrible fate in the near future. Temperize with him, I had counseled while hurriedly assisting with her toilet, feign ignorance of his cruel intentions. If he asks you again to marry him do not insult him, but same as if you had altered your opinion of him. Ask him to give you a day to deliberate. It would be so much time gained for us. The knot of comprehension with which she left us showed that she considered my advice to be good, and I felt more hopeful of the result of the interview with the courageous woman and the dastardly man than I could have believed possible half an hour before. And now, said Tricia, there is no time to be lost. There are spies in the house, but we can be as clever as spies if we like, and we must prepare things for madame's departure as soon as possible. All her jewelry must be hidden somehow so that she can easily carry it away. I felt that Tricia was right, and that a desperate emergency like this was not the time to stand on ceremony. Fifteen minutes later, a strange face peeped in at the door for a moment. We were both diligently employed. To all appearances we were both innocently making a kind of cuff to be tied above the elbows. I was indulging in the prosaic occupation of mending a pair of corsets. Could the fellow who had blasted us have seen that a pile of jewelry lay underneath the aprons Tricia and I had done, perhaps have been slightly surprised? Had he had a suspicion that I had just stitched a perure of diamonds into the corset and that Tricia was quilting the silk over a beautiful pearl necklace, he might perhaps have thought it advisable to report the occurrence to his superiors. As it was, he passed on in blissful ignorance of our real occupation, and it was certainly not to our business to enlighten him. Here is madame, said Tricia presently, and I looked anxiously at madame Kaminski to see if I could tell the result of the interview from her bearing. Tricia rose hastily to her feet, seemingly overwhelmed with confusion at having been caught occupying her mistress's seat. She had forgotten that her quilting task was not finished and some valuable rings rolled across the floor, the incident evoking a little surprise in the mind of their owner. But, while Tricia hurriedly tried to recover them in a ways, I explained what we had been doing. Far the clever idea, said madame, I should never have thought of such capital hiding places myself. If I manage to quit Russia, I shall probably be in great need of money and will be glad to realize the value of the jewel. I hope things are not so desperate as we have feared, I hazarded. You shall judge, was the reply. Kharinyov was evidently prepared to find me more antagonistic to him than I showed myself, but I think my bearing convinced him that my suspicions concerning him were not aroused. I am sorry to have kept you waiting, I said, but the truth is I was busy with my toilet and could not come before. He cast upon me a swift look of surprise, and then apparently much gratified by the civility of my reception of him, dosed me with a few compliments, adding that he hoped I had forgotten the wild, foolish words he had uttered to me months ago. I actually found it possible to laugh as I remarked in my turn, ah, yes, we all alter our opinions of things as time goes on. I have learned to esteem where I once despised, and you, you no doubt, take things more coolly than you did. My love for you has not grown cooler, he exclaimed, consent to marry me, and I will secure your immunity from trouble in the future. Marry you? Is it possible you still wish me life? It is not merely my wish, it is the one passion of my life. Say you will be mine and remove my suspense. I do not know, I said, pretending to hesitate. You see, I hardly thought you would favour me again with a proposal after my former rudeness to you. The woman who hesitates is lost. Have I really supplanted my fair-haired rival? But fair men are so insipid. So they are. But you will not find me insipid my beauty. I hate or I love to madness, and either passion finds in me an ardent votary. It is where you have chosen me for your lover, rather than for your enemy, since I have more power than you dream of. Indeed, I did not know you had any special vocation. You said just now that marriage with you would bring me immunity from trouble. I do not see how that can be since we all have our troubles, but I wish it were true. It shall be. Listen, you are in the pay of the government. The private fortune you are supposed to have is non-existent. I know exactly what is paid to you, since my position in the Secret Service is so high as to be one which devolves the regulation of these little things. With one stroke of my pen, I can make or mar many a life that fancies itself secure at this moment. Now, information has been brought to me that you, so far from being a faithful servant of the crown, are in league with those vagabond nihilists. As my wife, you shall be proved innocent. As my enemy, you would be crushed. Which is it to be? I believe I acted my part very well. I was overcome by sudden terror. I clung to the man. I wept and implored him to save me. I promised to marry him as soon as he liked. I suffered him to embrace me. His kisses, hot, passionate and scathing have been showered on my face and lips. I have listened to burning words which have made me ashamed of my womanhood. Had I alone been concerned, I would have died rather than have undergone the humiliation of the last half hour. But there is fio in Victor. For their sakes, I must escape from this accursed country. And you shall escape, said Tresho with decision. I think I know how it can be managed. In another moment she had left us, hurrying away as if struck by a fresh idea while Madame and I eyed each other anxiously. Has he gone? I asked. For the time I believe he has gone to stop extreme proceedings against me. But the relief will only be momentary. I should go mad if I had to endure his caresses often and he may at any moment discover that I am already married. Vengeance would then be more terrible than ever. It is not to be thought of. We must act at once. Here is Ivan Dromirev, Madame, said Tresho's voice. I met him on the staircase. Both Madame and I looked at the new arrival with surprise. He turned out to be none other than her coachman and he stood bowing awkwardly while holding out a note between fingers that were much less clumsy than his vocation would have led one to them to be. A letter from Prince Mikolo, he said quietly. How is it that he has not been sent up the usual way, inquired Madame sharply, receiving for an answer a word of which I could not catch the meaning, but which brought a great change in Madame's behavior. Sit down, she said evenly, while I read the note, and you, Tresho, secure the door against intruders and wait here until we decide what is best to be done. Tresho, having obeyed her mistress's order, came and stood beside Ivan. It struck me that the footing upon which they stood was a very familiar one for they smiled at each other in quite an affectionate manner. Meanwhile, Madame's proceedings were somewhat curious. She opened the note upon which were merely written a few lines to the effect that Fio was enjoying herself and would remain for the night where she was. Then she took from her pocket a bunch of keys and unlocked a small medicine chest. From this she took two files each containing a colorless fluid. Her next proceeding was to fetch a small china tray from the side table. Into this she emptied the two files. When the liquids were thoroughly mixed she immersed the note in them and let it remain a few seconds. When she lifted it out of the tray again it was seen to be closely covered with writing, some kind of sympathetic ink having been used which had required acids to develop it. This is what was written on the note. My friend, our cause is lost. We are betrayed. Nothing but prompt flight can save us. Count Karinyev has much in his power. If you can dupe him for a while it will be well. Victor will elude his enemies, I think. I have long feared this day and have been prepared for it. I am not going to give you a pass that will be of good service to you but it must be used to night. Tomorrow every departure from the city will be closely watched. By the time you get this we shall be well on our way. Theo will go with us and I trust we all will arrive in England safely. You know the rendezvous. It will be better for you to be unencumbered by the child. I would advise your companion Yvonne has already made his preparations. M. After passing the note on to me to read it, Madame asked Yvonne if he were aware of its contents. I know how we are all circumstanced, he said promptly and what the Prince told me will be something similar to what he has written. In a low, rapid voice Madame read the letter over for the benefit of Treshal and Yvonne who are now too much implicated then she struck a match and burned the note and its envelope until they were entirely consumed. Meanwhile I returned the acids to the receptacles, wiped the tray and removed every trace of the chemical operation giving Madame the key of the medicine chest when I had done. And now sent Yvonne for action. A minute later he had divested himself of his overcoat and had made himself much less stout by the removal of some clothes he had packed around his body. Then he coolly took off his big bushy beard and mustache and his tautly black wig such a transformation as all this wrought in him. He had seemed a rough specimen of humanity not far removed from serfdom. He stood before us, slim, erect, fair and smooth faced but bearing the witness of an indomitable spirit in his determined mouth no longer hidden by the disfiguring hair in his implants and in his square jaw. Now you know me but no names please, he said warningly as Madame seemed about to exclaim aloud at the sight of him the prince having induced you to accept a certain position has always been convinced of its danger and has always been prepared with plans to rescue you. For this purpose he recommended me to your notice as coachman in order that no symptoms of menace might escape your friends. I have seen that you have no more time to lose. Here is our passport. It is made out for August Kramer a German mercantile agent. Anna Kramer his wife Wilhelm Schwartz commission agent and Karl Schwartz son of the latter but that will not do for us we are three women not three men said Madame if circumstances do not fit us we must fit ourselves to circumstances and I think we can manage it said Ivan. Tricia is my foster sister and will go with us I know she is big enough and strong enough to personate Schwartz senior you Madame will have to figure her August Kramer well I will do my best to make you a suitable spouse the young English lady will make a very nice boy here are some of the things you will require put on as many as will be hidden by our outer clothing take the rest with you in 15 minutes follow me I will have the carriage waiting at the door it shall contain a few necessary articles which will have to be put on in the carriage you must give me your order to drive to one of the theatres but be very careful someone is sure to be on the watch we will drive away openly as soon as we have driven off draw the curtains and complete your disguise as best way you can after a while I will stop the carriage you must then get out leaving nothing in the vehicle as well wrapped around you walk on a few yards until I join you the horses will stand for some time and I have a man ready to take them to a place agreed upon it will not do for them to return home too soon and it is just possible that we may need them now I must be off another minute and he had replaced his beard and top coat still a minute more and we three women were trying to induct ourselves into garments such as we had never been used to in ten minutes we had stuffed our pockets full of wigs, beards, jewelry, papers money and other etc I had had time to run to my room and secure my own money and jewelry as well as a large cloak and a hat everything else I must perforce leave behind Trishal fetched her big cloak and bonnet and went down to the carriage a yard or two in front of us punctual to time we stepped inside Madame told Yvonne to the Alexander theater Yvonne touched his hat obsequiously mounted his box cracked his whip and we were started on our perilous journey there was no loss of time among us after we drove off for we knew that promptitude on our part was a matter of life and death it was a somewhat cramped place in which to transform our appearance but we had to make the best of the situation with hurrying trembled fingers we wrought at our disguise Donned a tau colored curly wig beard, mustache and eyebrows and exchanged her mantle and bonnet for a top coat and slouch hat Trishal adorned herself with a black beard something like Yvonne wore and likewise Donned a rough overcoat which she surmounted by a felt hat I was not proud of my hair anyway so seeing what trouble the others had in disposing of theirs under their wigs I ruthlessly cut mine off with a pair of scissors I had brought with me for emergencies it was surprising how small and slight a boy I seemed it would be easy to pass me off as a fifteen year older when we had done our best to transform ourselves into as presentable representatives of Monsieur's Cramer and Schwartz as was possible with our resources we commenced strapping up the cloaks and hats the latter being mercilessly crushed during the operation we had barely completed our preparations when the carriage stopped and Yvonne opened the door now is our time, he said hurriedly we shall barely catch the crumbs that boat go toward the boat landing I will follow you in a minute without another word we obeyed Yvonne's directions we had almost reached the landing when a fair haired, rather good looking woman grasped Madame somewhat unceremoniously by the arm and addressed her in the whining ill-used tone which is the special prerogative of certain carping dissatisfied wives for August she said it's easy to be seen that we've been married these six years and more I have seen the time when you wouldn't stalk on half a mile in front leaving me to follow as best I could but times are different now and a man isn't above making his wife carry his top coat in these days but I won't stand it any longer you may carry it yourself so great was the transformation that for an instant we did not see that it was Yvonne who was personating her used wife as soon as she did become fully alive to this fact Madame took the top coat on her arm instinctively apologizing for her parent rudeness no no that will never do Mother Yvonne you are far too polite keep up your role of a careless husband and growl harder at me than I growl at you if you can there must be no appearance of haste or anxiety to escape notice boldness is our best weapon here Schwartz that son of yours looks too much like a girl too quiet and shy here Carl my boy have a cigarette and walk with a little more swagger as if the place belong to you take a peep at the pretty girls you pass and be politely curious if any old lady seem to need your services Herr Kramer you are as fidgety about that hair of yours as if you were a woman it is dangerous to appear too solicitous about your personal appearance now all three please follow whatever queue I may think it desirable to give you thus grumbling admonishing and advising the pseudo Madame Kramer talked until we were close to the ticket office near which a goodly number of people were waiting to pay their fares have their passports visaed and receive their tickets to go on board the river steamer which lay waiting for its living cargo I am afraid that I must confess myself not nearly so brave as I had imagined I was the crucial moment had come I trembled in every limb whereas the others either more habituated to the exercise of courage or more alive to the irretrievably fatal consequences of a false move on their part walked up to the barrier as nonchalantly as if traveling by this route were a matter of daily occurrence with them fortunately for us there was an unusually large number of passengers many of them being of the Jewish persuasion upon these the rancor of the officials seemed to concentrate itself and while apparently well to do people were merely treated unceremoniously the followers of Israel were harassed and insulted beyond patient endurance many of them had been prosperous but had been hounded from their homes and driven to beggary by a cruel and rapacious tyranny that found ready helpers in its horde of greedy money grabbing red-taped my heart ached for the sorrows of one miserable couple who were accompanied by six children and who seemed to be bewildered by the insults which arrogance in office heaped upon them but I also felt especially grateful to them for the officials had no time to spare to examine our passports with anything like care when there were so many downtrodden Jews upon whom to exercise their spleen thus it happened that without much fuss or questioning we soon found ourselves seated in the deck saloon on route for Kronstadt the second class passengers being huddled forward where they were not likely to be spoiled by the luxury of too much comfort or accommodation I saw Madame scan the other occupants of the saloon very searchingly perhaps she thought that her daughter was among them and it was difficult to auger well or ill from the fact that she was not there I wonder if ever anyone watched the endless twistings of the Neva with more impatience than we did or if anyone ever longed more devotedly to get beyond the oft recurring view of Saint Isaac's Golden Dome but even as times of joy have their ending even so is the period of suspense and danger never interminable and we at last found ourselves close to Kronstadt we had not considered it safe to talk about our position while sitting in the saloon or pacing the deck lest we should be overheard and betrayed we all felt breathless anxiety as we filed off the boat onto the landing stage holding our tickets in readiness for the collector suppose we had been missed in Saint Petersburg suppose Karinyev, Baffledon and Rage were already on our track suppose a wire had been sent here conveying orders to detain and arrest us anticipation presented numberless possibilities all of which as we walked ashore without hindrance seemed as if they were to be happily negative by the reality End of Chapter 8 Recording by Betsy Walker Chapter 9 of The Adventures of an Ugly Girl This is a LibriVox recording A LibriVox recording is in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Kay Hand The Adventures of an Ugly Girl by Elizabeth Burgoyne Corbett Chapter 9 How Fain are we to turn our backs on that which likes us not? It struck me at the time as a remarkable coincidence that after walking about fifty yards we should come across a droshki into which we all stepped being driven away without a word of explanation to the driver Unless a peculiar thrice-repeated nod by Ivan be considered sufficient explanation It would be useless to pretend that our drive was in every respect a comfortable one The droshki was, in the first place, so small that we had to sit on each other's knees and it was so shaky that we had to hold on to each other to avoid turning a somersault onto the roadway But that was not the fault of the droshki The ill-used vehicle was compelled to do dirty as a sledge in the winter In the summer the runners were unshyped and laid to rest for a few months while the clumsy wheels were hauled out of their hiding place and tied to the body of the droshki with ropes When you take a carriage of this description and drive it halter-skelter through streets paved with rough round cobblestones the result cannot be expected to be conducive to comfort In my case the miseries of that drive were intensified as I was already feeling very sick in consequence of having been rash enough to cap my first cigarette with a second one But it was all in the interest of patriotism and freedom and the memory of the sufferings of that day and night has been wiped out by the recollection of their satisfactory ending We had been driving, as nearly as I can remember about half an hour having branched off from the streets into the public park known as Peter the Great's Gardens When our driver drew his horse up close to the edge of some dark stagnant water We were beside the new mole The last remnant of daylight was now gone so far as it does go altogether in these latitudes in summer But we were quite able to see that in the huge basin before us lay hundreds of steamers of various nationalities in one of which at least we hoped to find a haven of refuge Seeing us get out of the droshki several uncouth looking boatmen dressed in bright colored print shirts immediately importuned us to employ them After a little preliminary bargaining between them and the droshki driver the two least villainous looking boatmen were employed to row our party to an English steamer named the Beacon A liberal dossoor was given to the driver by Ivan We stepped into the godly painted boat carrying our scanty store of luggage with us The men bent to their oars and we were soon skimming the surface of the mole while the sounds of the droshki's wheels died away in the distance Keep a sharp look out muttered Ivan in English These fiendish boatmen would brain us all and pitch us into the water if they thought that by catching us unwares they could land a few rubles and a watch or two That sort of thing often happens but none of the villains are ever brought to book They bolt off to their winter quarters as soon as they have done a stroke of that sort of business and when they come back in the next boating season the whole affair has been forgotten by the officials After this I sat with my eyes glued on the boatmen, anxiously noting what a number of ships we had to pass before we reached the one we wanted and wildly longing for the time when I could bid an eternal farewell to misery-haunted Russia I suppose, the beacon being in the inner mole, the men would be rowing half an hour before they reached it To me the time seemed an age ere we pulled up beside a black looking steamer and one of the men shouted ahoy to the watchman on deck There was a speedy reply to the summons three or four dark heads popping themselves over the side to have a look at us There were no questions asked and it almost seemed to me as if we had been expected though one could not complain of the preparations for our reception being too elaborate A rope ladder hung from the ship's side and for a moment my heart sank within me when I was told that this was the only means of boarding our arc of safety Tricia confessed to me afterward that she almost fainted at what seemed to her to be courting certain death but we were both possessed by an even greater dread than that of falling back into the water and nerved ourselves to appear as manly and unconcerned as possible lest our terror should betray how totally unused to our present surroundings we were As for Madame she seemed to be endowed with superhuman courage and calmness In due course this fresh ordeal was over the boatmen grasped the end of the ladder which had wooden rungs in order to study it and one by one we sampled its precarious footing swaying from side to side with the motion of the boat and sometimes being turned almost with our backs to the steamer before we reached the rail at the top Here many hands were ready to seize ours and to help us descend the short ladder which led from the rail to the deck It is contrary to all custom for a woman to be left to the last to come on board in this fashion and Ivan in spite of his assumed transposition into a member of the weaker sex would feign have seen the supposed German merchant board the ship before him This however would of a certainty have roused the suspicions of the boatmen So Madame was left to give the boatmen their stipulated pay and to come on board unaided The boatmen, knowing with what facility seafarers usually mount these hanging ladders, pushed their boat off without further delay and attention to the individual whom they left dangling in midair Being thus unceremoniously thrown upon her own resources Madame exerted herself to secure a more stable footing and when at last she stood upon the deck, shaking with sudden nervousness, I firmly believed that nothing short of a miracle had saved her from falling into the water Pray come down below at once so the voice of a man who had taken an active part in our reception and who proved to be the captain I began to be afraid that you would not save the tide. It will be high water in an hour and there is nothing to hinder us from weighing and starting at once We must pass out when the gates open You will have to excuse the quarters to which I am compelled to consign you until we are out of Russian jurisdiction We may possibly be boarded again by government officials before we are clear of the docks and you must all be alike invisible and inaudible So be perfectly still until I come down to you again. You will find some other refugees in the ship They will help to make you comfortable Take care While the captain was talking he had been leading us through the ship's saloon thence through the steward's pantry to what he called the lazarette Once we emerged through a cunningly concealed sliding door into an apartment that was so narrow that two stout people could barely have passed each other in it and so dark that the reader may reasonably excuse the momentary panic which overcame me before we had quite comprehended that we were at last at the end of our journey we were pushed further into the passage like space Then the captain hurriedly left us to our own devices and the door closed with a peculiar click which advertised some patent spring action We were doubtful what step to take next and were so imbued with a sense of the deadly danger that would attend any noise on our part that for a few moments we dared neither move nor speak It was a great relief when in a few minutes the captain returned with a scrap of a candle warranted to go out in five minutes Daring to allow more might be seen he whispered and then clicked the door after him We eagerly availed ourselves of the dim light which had been put into Tricia's hand to glance around our temporary prison which eventually proved to have been contrived by means of double bulkheads which traversed the ship from side to side but were only two feet apart from each other The reason for this economy of space will be obvious when it is remembered that the object of the ship builders had been the provision of a secret chamber of which the existence was not to be even suspected by those not in the secret The long narrow passage thus obtained was furnished with rugs and cushions and such other means of comfort as the exigencies of space and practicability allowed But we did not dwell long upon the view of our place of refuge for we speedily caught sight of that which filled us with the liveliest joy We had been enjoined to keep silent Surely it would have been a superhuman task to refrain from a few exclamations of thankfulness at the surprise in store for us For here were the Prince and Princess Michelot Madame's daughter Fayo and a fourth person whom we soon knew to be none other than Victor Carniac my mistress's newly wedded husband Surely tears and sobs and smiles and ejaculations of gratitude were never more rapturously blended than in the small stuffy hole in which we were all reunited But Prudence soon reasserted itself, and ten minutes later a Russian spy might have listened at the door without hearing a sound from within He had a little while longer and we could hear the vibration of the screw We had entered upon another phase of our adventurous journey Excitement and danger are prone to make one forget or ignore bodily claims which weigh very seriously with us at other times But when these unwanted stimulants are withdrawn we start to take a little revenge for the temporary slight put upon her Thus it is not surprising that the happy reunion of friends and relatives being accomplished, the gortet of newest arrivals should become conscious of extreme fatigue and of the need of some kind of refreshment The latter was soon forthcoming A larder at one end of the room we were in was stocked with a liberal supply of eatables and drinkables and there were plenty of willing hands to serve us with a meal to which some at least did full justice And now Miss Dora said Tricia the best we can do is to lie down and sleep for a while Everybody else has much to talk over with friends and we shall not be missed It was quite true We could for a time at least be easily perhaps gladly spared While travelling and sharing mutual dangers we had all seemed tolerably equal in our claims upon each other The situation was altered now Tricia was kindly and warmly welcomed but her welcome was the one which generous employers would naturally extend to a faithful servant I was treated in every respect as an equal but was still conscious of the fact that I was not actually one of the family as seemed to be the case with Ivan That Madame should appear all in all to her husband and child was natural But that Ivan whom I had admired while I thought him Madame's very humble assistant should turn out to be none other than Count Sergius Volkovsky, the cousin and cousin friend of Prince Michelot was a great surprise to me They all had much to talk about or rather to whisper about for great caution was necessary and I felt no compunction in following Tricia's advice But it was long before I could sleep for the motion of the vessel combined with the unpleasant vibration of the screw which seemed to be almost under me soon made me feel sick again and I underwent a period of intense but silent misery until I was able to feel a fresh accession of terror every time the motion of the ship ceased I did not know then that the coming out of dock of emergent steamer is a tedious business which involves many fresh starts and stoppages if collisions with key walls or ships are to be avoided Had I been aware of this fact I should not have kept fancying that the beacon had been detained by Russian government officials and that pursuers were about to hit me. It performed its work so effectually that on waking I had no trace of fatigue or illness left My cushions were at one end of our curious room which was no wider than an ordinary bunk and would hardly have permitted anyone to pass me without disturbing me As it was I had slept uninterruptedly for hours and was quite refreshed when I opened my eyes and saw that a lamp was casting its brightening rays around me Tricia stood by my bedside if such I can call it and holding in her hand a cup of fragrant coffee I have brought you some coffee and a ham sandwich, she said You may get up as soon as you like now and come on deck when you have had some breakfast We have left Russia behind us and have got rid of the Russian pilot The captain says there is no more fear of pursuit This was joyful news indeed and I lost no time in preparing myself to go on deck If you will follow me, Miss I will show you the birth that is to be yours till the end of the voyage You will be able to wash and dress comfortably in it Even the little den to which I promptly betook myself was of somewhat circumscribed area but it was as a very paradise to me by reason of the delightful feeling of security which I felt as soon as I stepped into it I soon discarded the raiment which had served me so well and at once lost myself in the delight of making myself more suitably presentable Every necessity seemed to have been foreseen and provided against and I found an ample stock of clothing placed at my disposal I was very glad that I no longer needed to masquerade him boys attire and took a special delight in robing myself in a pretty pink mourning gown Tricia had brought in for me My hair afforded me some trouble though If I had been an ugly girl before what must I be now? I thought My little birth was lighted by a swing lamp fixed to a bracket of silk head. There was also a mirror hanging near the bulk but I could not judge very well of my appearance and it was with a sense of regret that the thought that my cropped hair negative the advantages of my pretty dress that I eventually followed Tricia into more airy and lightsome regions I found the ship's cabin well occupied. Madame and her husband together with the Prince and Princess Michaelow being deep in consultation concerning future arrangements So I did not encroach long upon their time but after exchanging pleasant greetings with them all went on deck Here Feo was having a merry time with Count Sergius Valkovsky I am not sure that I wasn't sorry to find that the latter was a grand sort of an individual after all I would much rather have been able to call him Ivan especially as he looked so very handsome now that he was dressed in a manner befitting his station while I felt painfully conscious that I must be looking a bigger fright than ever Oh Dora, I am glad you have come up at last exclaimed Feo, bounding affectionately toward me. They would not let me wake you when the Captain first came to tell us it was safe enough for us now Isn't the sea pretty? And isn't this a jolly ship? And isn't everybody in it jolly? And ho, isn't Sergius jollier than anything? I have been told since that if my lips did not endorse the latter sentiment my eyes did but I must warn the reader that the statement is not to be trusted with regard to anything he may say about me for he is unduly prejudiced in my favour the latter fact when it was first brought home to me came upon me as a huge surprise I still feel surprised when I think of it but am better accustomed to it by this time there was much to explain and to talk over concerning our recent flight and while Feo rambled hither and thither in thorough enjoyment of the situation I listened to the nation of much that had seemed inexplicable to me the whole party with which I had become so closely associated was of nihilistic proclivities and had been spending much energy and a great deal of money in facilitating the escape from Russia of such members of their fraternity as from time to time fell under the ban of suspicion it had however of late struck them that the limit of their own safety had been spanned and their flight had not been nearly so hasty and unpremeditated by me though Madame Carniac as I must now call my employer had been reluctant to recognize her own extreme peril there was some special mission to perform for which a considerable sum of money was still needed Madame could only contribute her quota after handing in her report and receiving the check with which the government rewarded her imaginary services once a month she resolved that once more and only once more she would run the risk of a return to St. Petersburg she achieved her purpose but narrowly escaped falling a victim to her patriotic zeal Prince Michelot less sanguine than she had foreseen her danger had provided for her escape his cousin having considered it by no means derogatory to his dignity to assume the role of a coachman for the nonce the Princess Michelot or Nina as she has since asked me to call her had taken no part in nihilistic plans and consultations and had been as genuinely surprised at the sudden necessity for the flight to England as I had been but was by no means downhearted at the prospect of having to spend the rest of her life in her own country as for Mr. Victor Karniak he had deemed it wisest to avoid the river steamer and had not reached the beacon much sooner than we had done ourselves needless to say the visit of the beacon to Kronstadt was not the result of merely mercantile speculation but of a thoroughly systematized plan of campaign refugees in the secret had their escape from Russia facilitated the vessel usually made four trips between England and Kronstadt in the season taking coals out from the tine and returning with a mixed cargo of wheat timber and refugees London being the discharging port the after hold was docked of two feet of its legitimate length this space being utilized for the hiding place in which we had spent our first night on board I used to imagine myself an ardent lover of nature during this voyage I sometimes wondered if I had turned goth or vandal for I no longer took the all absorbing delight in my surroundings that had hitherto accompanied me when among fresh and unconventional scenery the ever-changing panorama of views of first one country and then another alternated by the numerous islands which are dotted about the Baltic would have aroused my enthusiasm at any other time that they did not do so on this occasion must be laid to count Sergius Volkovsky's charge he was so clever and so brilliant that when talking to him I naturally overlooked the unobtrusive claims of scenery I might possibly see a great deal more of the world in time to come I thought but I should never have such a wonderful traveling companion again therefore would have been foolish to refuse the opportunities which were mine of enjoying his society certainly these opportunities seem to last almost all day for strangely enough Count Volkovsky never seemed to tire of my company I knew that things would be very different when we reached London and he was introduced to cleverer and better-looking girls meanwhile I felt happy in the present and tried to banish the oft-recurring vision of my own probable future of lonely lovelessness alas the time sped all too quickly for me though by everyone else on board our arrival in London was hailed with unmixed relief the prince and princess Michael went to the hotel after a poll until they could complete their arrangements for residing in a home of their own furnishing their cousin, Sergius, went with them for a time Mr. and Mrs. Carniac, Feo, myself, and Tricia were soon located in Kensington again being fortunate in securing a very nicely furnished house pro tem I was not sure that Madame's financial position was such now as warranted my remaining with her but I hardly knew how to introduce the question of my departure to my embarrassment considerably when Madame having probably partially gauged my feelings spoke to me one morning about Feo's future I find, she said, that Feo shows considerable facility for learning languages she is so young yet that she may safely postpone a good many of the ordinary branches of her education and she is getting on so well with her French and German that I hope you will not leave us for some time Toulouse would be a serious break in my child's education and I hope you know how anxious I am to retain your companionship especially as Victor has much traveling to do before his financial affairs are all satisfactorily arranged surely he is not going to Russia again I exclaimed no, not to Russia but to South America he has money invested in shares there and is also concerned in some California speculations for some time he has foreseen that it would be as well to invest his capital out of Russia but his agents have been rather lax and he is going to inspect both nitrate beds and gold mines in order that he may realize his legitimate profit on them this will take him many months and we want you to promise that you will stay with me at least until he comes back both Feo and I need you stay with them as if it were a favor on my part too put in that way the request certainly surprised me stay with you I said gratefully to do so where else have I to go since my own father declines to welcome me Madame had a knack of being tantalizingly mysterious at times and I puzzled my head for some time to unravel the meaning of the curious smile with which she greeted my last question but my immediate future was now arranged for at all events and the least I could do in return for Madame's kindness was to set about my duties late as they were with all my heart and all my soul meanwhile I felt anxious to learn how things happened with Lady Elizabeth at times when I remembered the mysterious nature of the illness from which she was suffering when I last saw her I almost feared the worst then my naturally hopeful temper reasserted itself and I reflected that she would now in all probability be quickly recovering her normal strength in the bracing air of Morby whether my family would be sure to have returned air this and Jerry, dear little Jerry how ardently I longed to see him spending his holidays at home now and I wondered if he had made such progress with his French as he seemed to anticipate before he left us what a long time it seemed since father and I both with such light hearts had seen him leave our little station in the care of the tutor and what a round of events had taken place since then I had suffered much felt years older although the last few weeks seemed to have softened my regrets for the past in a wonderful degree Belle, too I was unable to think of her without feeling such anger as had formerly haunted me though I can ever pretend to a return of loving sisterly interest in her that was dead forever but so also was my former determination to make her suffer as keenly as I had been made to suffer such a determination I now looked upon as un-Christian and unnatural since the object of my vengeance was my own mother's daughter better let sleeping dogs lie I thought since any revelations concerning the death of the late Earl of Greatlands if they tended to substantiate my idea of woeful culpability on the part of Belle and her fiance would be productive of great grief to many others feeling anxious and unsettled and being doubtful of the wisdom of writing home to ask for news of my people lest my father should compel me to give up my present life of honorable independence and freedom from petty insults I took advantage of a spare hour or two shortly after my return to London I went to the house my father had rented in town it was tenantless I had not intended really going in but I believe I should not have been able to resist trying to see Lady Elizabeth if she had still been living here and I felt more disappointed than I could have believed possible since I had not really expected to see her to go to Morby was out of the question just now I thought as I did not wish to trespass upon Madame's good nature get awhile to the extent of neglecting my duties for a couple of days walking through the park on my way home again revolving the propriety of writing to ask Mrs. Garth to let me have all the news about my people when I accidentally jostled against someone else who was evidently as preoccupied as I was hastily looking up with an ejaculation of apology I saw, looking at me with a face upon which was pictured the greatest surprise an elderly man in whom I recognized none other than Dennis Marvel the former valet of my dear old Earl oh miss, he said eagerly, I am glad to see you for I have that on my mind which will drive me mad if I keep it to myself but which I dare tell to nobody but you I am fairly pulled to pieces with the misery of the thing one minute something inside me says tell all you know and let justice be done let not the guilty flourish while the innocent are cast aside the next minute it seems as if the wickedest thing I could do was to make more trouble for them that has had enough already oh miss you will be able to help me decide what should be done though you had such bitter enemies you won't let hatred of them lead you to be cruel to their belongings and oh how it will ease my mind to tell you everything I have been to the house to inquire for you but the servants could not tell me anything about you except that they thought there had been a quarrel and that Mr. Courtney had turned you out you who had been robbed of wealth and title it made my blood boil to hear it and say what I thought and I never hoped to come across your ladieship that was to have been like this so lucky after all I had let the old man talk on so long without interruption for my inward dismay had literally bereft me of the power of speech for a time I did not even try to pretend to myself that I misunderstood Marvel's meaning or that I did not know exactly to what event he was alluding at last the mystery of the Earl's death was going to be cleared up for me to become proved facts and upon my shoulders was to fall the onus of judging and sentencing the guilty it is small wonder that I felt the blood leave my face that my limbs trembled under me and that I was glad to avail myself of the support of the seat near which I had come into collision with Marvel I motioned to him to sit down also hastily looking round lest possible prying ears should be at hand to surprise and proclaim to the world the secret of which my companion was about to disburden himself I see that you fully understand my meaning he said and I don't need to beat about the bush much for I always thought that you suspected foul play by the way you looked at your sister and the young Earl well miss it's quite true they made a way with my poor master for they had sworn that you shouldn't get married to him and lord it over them at the castle besides they pretended to think the Earl must be in his dotage and no longer fit to be the head of the family when he could seriously think of choosing well miss not to offend you I hope but they said he had picked the ugliest girl he could find and that there was no telling what crazy thing he would do next tried to cut off the end-tail or something of the sort so they laid their plans to stop the wedding and I swear it is true they murdered my poor old master stop Marvel I said now having at last recovered the power of speech the accusations you make are too terrible to be believed lightly it is easy to say what your suspicions dictate but you have no proofs of what you say and I will not hear anything more I loved the old Earl for his goodness to me and neglected an attractive girl whom very few people cared for the present Earl is his son and the brother of my dear stepmother his fiance is my sister and thus both though actually my enemies have claims upon my forbearance Marvel I dare not believe them guilty I will not believe them guilty you shall tell me no more you must hear all I have got to say now Miss Dora returned Marvel firmly I tell you I must open my mind to somebody and I reckon you are the safest another thing I have to be back soon so would like to get on with my story are you still with the present Earl yes that's how I know so much about his black secret am I knowing the secret is the reason why I stop on with him for he is not very easy to put up with nowadays but you see I have lived all my life in the family and so did my father and mother before me so I feel as if the family's trouble and disgrace were mine too and I would rather keep on as I am than let another man step into my shoes for he would soon be at the bottom of the family mystery and then what would become of us all what indeed the result was too dreadful to contemplate and I no longer questioned either Marvel's veracity or the purity of his motives the present Earl he went on was always inclined to drink a bit but since his father's death he has really gone on awful every week has got worse and I have had to put him to bed drunk every night for this last month this couldn't help having a serious effect on him and last week he had a very bad attack of delirium tremens in which his own ravings showed the whole business up as plain as daylight I was glad he was pretty quiet when the doctor was there as he would have been won too many in the secret the paper said that he was laid up with an attack of jealousy but I knew better and it does not pay a fashionable doctor to split about his patience toward the end of the week the Earl got over his attack of the blues and then I had a serious talk with him my lord said I you must drink no more and why not he asked looking at me as if he thought I had left my senses somewhere else because I said looking him straight in the face dead men tell no tales but drink makes people tell things that it's safer nobody else should know I'll tell you what the drink has made you do and say and then you can judge whether it's safe for you to drink any more or not then I described how he had gone on when unconscious of what he was doing he had fancied every now and then that his father's ghost was standing before him with outstretched finger and threatening visage for God's sake he would scream take it away it is drawing me down to hell let me go take her she prompted me to do it it was her crime I would not have thought of it but for her I gave him the poison but it was Belle who bought it she swore that she would use it on her sister if I failed with the poor old man who deserved nothing but good at my hands why didn't I let her poison the girl I shouldn't have had this to face then be gone at this he jumped out of bed as if he meant to attack somebody but he just felt all of a heap on the floor and was pretty easily managed until the next paroxysm came on which was in another hour or two now you can guess what sort of an effect my talk had upon my master he went almost beside himself with terror and was for offering me no end of things to bribe me to keep his secret but I am not one of those human vultures who grow fat on the crimes and miseries of others and I wouldn't touch a farthing from the earl except in the way of my earnings as usual it would burn my fingers if I did no I said Dennis Marvel knows his duty to the family too well to betray it your lordship has the matter in your own hands don't drink, keep your mouth shut and all's safe since then he hasn't tasted a drop of anything that could make him drunk but he has awful nights all the same he wasn't really meant for a villain and saving your presence Miss Dora if that she-devil your sister hadn't got hold of him things would have been all right and we should all have been as happy as we used to be before we knew her and now Miss Dora what would you advise me to do do you blame me for what I have done it would kill Lady Elizabeth and my family forever if we didn't keep the secret so it cannot be wicked to shield the guilty thus appealed to by Marvel I replied firmly we must shield the guilty Marvel in order to protect the innocent you wouldn't like to have Lady Elizabeth's death on your conscience would you God forbid then you and I faithful friend must breathe a word of this business to no one and we must do all we can to prevent others from learning the terrible secret it is a heavy burden you have put upon my shoulders Marvel I can only hope your burden has been eased a little in the telling and that you will not think it necessary to share it with anyone else I give you my Bible oath Miss Dora that not a living soul shall hear me speak of this thing but you the weight of the secret was choking me but as you say a burden shared by somebody else of like mind is half rolled away and yet you have something else to tell me what do you mean by saying that the Earl has bad nights is he still likely to betray himself I think not for when awake he knows quite well what he is saying but his conscience is tormenting him to his doom he cannot live long and suffer as he is doing sleep refuses to visit him except when he takes an opiate and every night the dose has to be made bigger or it has no effect a fine state of mind for a man to be in who is going to be married next month next month yes on the 15th in London no, Lady Elizabeth is too ill to stand much fuss and excitement so the wedding is to be as quiet as possible and is to take place at Morby Church the Reverend Mr. Garth officiating it is just as well for everybody yes it is just as well and now do you know Marvel I feel ill with the shock of all you have told me and Marvel at once jumped up and offered to fetch a cab for me I gladly accepted his offer and reached home half an hour later while Marvel returned to his master's townhouse to fulfill those duties which his long attachment to the Greatlands family and his identification of his own honor with that of his employers alone made it possible for him to continue