 Colgate palm olive peat makers of Colgate dental cream luster cream shampoo and palm olive shaving creams bring you our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden and we take this joyous opportunity to wish you on behalf of Colgate palm olive peat a glorious Merry Christmas And now our miss Brooks time once again for another comedy episode of our miss Brooks written by Al Lewis Well, most of us spent Christmas Eve with our families and friends But our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School wasn't quite so fortunate No, my family was too far away to visit and it seems my friends had other plans But I made up my mind not to brood about it and was trimming a rather tiny tree in our living room when my landlady Mrs. Davis joined me. What a nice tree Connie. It isn't really Mrs. Davis But it's the only one I could afford. Oh, what did you pay for it? I found it in a vacant lot What I like about it is the size. It's not too big or too small. It's just too small I'd like to stay here and celebrate Christmas Eve with you Connie, but I promised my sister Angela I'd come over to her place You remember Angela the absent-minded one. Oh, certainly Mrs. Davis She always got a big thrill out of the holidays even when we were girls Of course the poor dear could never remember when it was actually Christmas and one Christmas morning She did the funniest thing What's that Mrs. Davis? What's what dear? What did Angela do? Angela Your sister my sister The absent-minded one, what did she do? I haven't spoken to Angela in some time She did not too That's what I'd like to know maybe I can refresh your memory Christmas morning Angela did the funniest thing Christmas morning isn't until tomorrow Connie Be confused. Well, don't worry about it. I only get these spells once in a while Well, you shouldn't let it go Connie if you don't mind my offering a little advice I'd like to suggest that you train your mind to concentrate more I'll do it. Mrs. Davis Now I've developed a little scheme which works wonders for me Supposing you have trouble remembering where you put things around the house Well, you just keep repeating the location to yourself for the sort of rhythm for example I just chant to myself the musters in the closet the bread is in the box The mustard in the closet the bread is in the box now isn't that simple mustard in the closet That's wonderful, Mrs. Davis if anybody wants a mustard sandwich, you're really ready Now before I do anything else I want to invite you to join me tonight join you yes dear I'm going over to Do Angela's house. That's right She's so cute with that little absent mind of hers Quite sometimes she forgets what she's talking about right in the middle of a sentence and oh dear me I hope that cat's got enough milk. Well, I'm sure if we But then maybe someday or if it doesn't seem to and that's why I can't join you tonight Thanks anyway, Mrs. Davis. I'll just spend a quiet evening at home here But how about mr. Boynton? Don't tell me he was too shy to ask you for a date on Christmas Eve Why do you think there's mistletoe on all four walls? No, mr. Boynton asked me all right, but then he canceled yesterday Said he's going upstate to visit his folks for a couple of days, but don't worry about me, Mrs. Davis I'll have a gay time. I'll listen to the radio read and from this window. I can see our neighbor's television antenna But what about the little gifts you've got for Walter Denton and mr. And Mrs. Conklin and Harriet when you're going to deliver them Oh, they told me not to bother. They said we'd exchange on the 26th the 26th But I don't think the day after Christmas is the time to exchange gifts. You don't you should see the department stores What's that Mrs. Davis, it's Minerva. Where are you dear? Oh, she's over by the tree Here over a Minerva Isn't it the strangest thing how she bites at the pine needles, I guess the rosin in them appeals to her I'd swear she likes the taste of it. I guess to her. It's like a Tom and Jerry or rather Raminie and Mickey Come on Minerva come on over here. We might as well get friendly. We're going to spend the evening together Well, I'll be running along now dear. I hope you won't feel too lonely Oh, I'll be fine. Mrs. Davis after all I do have an imagination I'll hang my stocking up in a little while and then when I'm pretending that I'm asleep. I'll sneak in and fill it Before you know it, it'll be midnight Midnight of Christmas Eve I can just picture it a short thin man in a black suit come sliding down the chimney with an empty bag St. Penelus the school teacher Santa Claus Well, at least you're not bitter Now Connie about my Sister Angela. Oh, thank you, dear about my sister Angela. Yeah. Good night, Dorothy Good night, Bernice. Oh Stop drinking those pine needles Minerva. Come on over here. There's a good kitty Now I'll just settle down and Mrs. Davis is rocker and we'll have ourselves a nice quiet rock I've got to exercise more my bones are rusting It's the rocker kind of soothing at that You seem contented enough Minerva To as the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse Sorry, I Didn't mean to upset you Minerva. Oh Gosh, I'm sleepy Now who can that be expecting anyone Minerva, that's funny. There's nobody here. I'm here. Where oh leaning on my knee What can I do for you? I'm a salesman, but I don't believe in giving any sales talk or sob stories All I do is tell you what I'm selling and if you want to buy okay, if not, okay, okay What are you selling? Well, it's Christmas Eve and I'm just a small urchin a little on the underprivileged side And I'm trying to make a few dollars to get some wood to heat our tiny apartment so that why she's singing to my three six sisters My mother's lips don't turn blue That's what I like no sob story You're selling handkerchiefs. I'll take six. Oh, no, ma'am. I'm selling Christmas trees Not only a dollar apiece, but I've already got a Christmas tree But I'll make a 50 cent but I don't need about a quarter look little boy payments can be arranged Please take one ma'am. These aren't ordinary trees, you know, they're magic magic. Yes, ma'am You'd be surprised what miracles will happen to you if you buy one Well, a quarter isn't too much to pay for a miracle. It's 50 cents. I Thought you said 25 that's when you sounded tougher to sell Well before I melt down down to my cold buttons and the stovepipe hat here's 50 cents Well, you won't be sorry ma'am here's the little tree. Hey, it is kind of cute at that Would you like to come in help me set it up? I can't I've got to get right home. My sitter has been alone long enough Sit her. What about your mother and the firewood? That's just a routine My folks are attending and did or the other bank presidents. I've given for father With a pitch you've got you'll have your own bank by the time you're 12 Thanks a lot good night lady and Merry Christmas. Same to you you little underprivileged millionaire I'll put this tree over here. Maybe we can find some extra trimmings for it in the morning Minerva will you stop gnawing on those pine needles? I wish I knew what made them so appetizing to her Now you come over here and let those things alone There we are Well, I guess I'm not the only one that's spending Christmas Eve alone without family or friends Who can tell maybe Santa Claus has something up his big red sleeve that I don't even know about yet Of course, I do have a squeaky rocker and Minerva Jingle bells jingle bells and merry stuff like that. Oh, what fun It is to rock with a big fat drunken cat As I sat in the living room Christmas Eve with Minerva the cat on my lap I couldn't help noticing that the tree which I'd bought from that wealthy urchin had a rather peculiar Luminosity, although there wasn't any artificial illumination It seemed to glow from deep down in its branches as I rocked back and forth. I started to get very drowsy Little boy said this tree was magic Minerva I Don't believe it either Still it is Christmas Eve and very strange things have happened Christmas Eve What's that? Oh, I must have been dozing come well, it's Walter Denton. Come in Walter. No, well, no, well joy you is no Come on into the living room here I brought you this little gift to put under your tree Oh, that was very thoughtful Walter put it under this tree over here. Okay Say you've got two trees, haven't you? Yes one for Minerva and one for me Don't pay any attention to her. She's pine-needle happy Well miss Brooks as you know I was supposed to spend the evening nestled snugly in the tight little confines of my own small immediate family circle Oh for heaven's sakes come out of there. You're giving me claustrophobia But I went to my father and mother and crowed their permission to come over wait a minute Walter you Crove their permission to yeah crave Craven Crove, isn't it? Walter of course not crave craved. Let's see Craven Craven After you crowed their permission what? Presence for a long enough while for me to deliver to you miss Brooks the little token of my esteem and affection Which is now ensconcing under the tree. Well, are you still in my English class? Well sure miss Brooks. Well, I'd better bone up a little one of us is gonna flunk this term Well, it isn't just the gift miss Brooks That's not the only thing that brought me way furring from the warmth and conviviality of my own heart Oh, please don't start that again I'm glad you dropped over Walter and if you want to spend the rest of the evening with your folks No rush with them. They've got my present under our tree already Now what I'd like to say miss Brooks though is something I've wanted to say for a long while Yes, Walter now it's a little on the sentimental side perhaps for a so-called HEP high school boy to be telling a teacher, but it's sincere miss Brooks. I'm sure it is It's something I feel deep down inside of me miss Brooks from whence so many of one's warmer emotions stem That's whence they stem from all right Of course, even if it does seem over sentimental or even downright sticky Christmas Eve seems to be the time that you can say things like this and not sound over sentimental or sticky Christmas Eve is the time to say them. I just hope I hear them by New Year's Eve What I want you to know miss Brooks is that I'm grateful for what Walter for my Association with you during the past semester at Madison High School. Well, thank you Walter. I've tried to be a capable teacher Oh your teaching was nothing I don't mean Scholastically no as a teacher you were very adequate I mean personally the interest you took in me and my problems for that I could never thank you if I lived to be a hundred of course you'd be gone a long time by then Merry Christmas to you too You don't know what it's meant to me to have your ear whenever I needed it. Oh, it was nothing really. I have another one Especially about girls Guys, you remember how silly I used to act about girls every time one of them looked at me I giggle like a kid and then overnight. I matured. I met the one woman who really mattered Harriet Conklin Certainly made something out of you You saw me through the difficult transition period of that a more as well While Harriet and I were adjusting to one another It was wonderful to be able to come down to you for advice miss Brooks It isn't every boy who has such an interest taken in him by some intelligent elderly person Give me back my ear. I can't hear you That's your ancient or anything gosh. I've seen girls who don't look as good as you do Shut up I see you've got lots of mistletoe on the walls. Were you expecting mr. Boynton tonight? Yes, Walter I was we were going for a wheelchair ride together He had to visit his folks upstate his folks gosh. They must be well along in years His father's over 50. They may shoot him next spring Look while you're here. You might as well pick up the little gift. I got for you Oh, but miss Brooks you shouldn't have where is it? I'm the tree on your right. It isn't much just a remembrance. Oh, I almost forgot. I can't open it yet Why not? Oh, you mean you want to put it under your tree at home and open it with your family? Oh, not exactly, but well, I'll get it later miss Brooks. Oh There they are now. I'll answer it there who are now We should have stayed home Christmas Eve Sides freezing out now. Oh good. Don't be so grouchy. Hello, miss Brooks. Merry Christmas Why it's mr. Mrs. Conklin and Harriet. How are you all? I'm cold. Oh That's too bad come here man over rub up against mr. Conklin What's that? What are you go away cat? Why she seems to like you are good or is she hungry miss Brooks? She's not that hungry. I Don't like cats. Why doesn't she go chase a mouse or something? You forget mr. Conklin. This is Christmas Eve. There isn't one stirring Hey, Harriet. Yes, Walter. There's a lot of mistletoe around this room. I know it's real pretty Oh good notice all the mistletoe in this room. What? Oh All that green stuff More often than not it makes me sneeze Come on. I was good. Let's see if it does. Oh now Martha. Don't embarrass me. It doesn't make you sneeze does it Harriet? I'm willing to find out Here's a nice wreath of it on this wall Yeah Well, here we are Yeah Here we are just conklin if it's all right with Harriet. It's all right with us. Oh come on, Walter. We're getting old Sweet Harriet, isn't that cute? Oh good. Come here dear. How about one for your faithful old wife? Well There's customary I guess Yeah, I'm under the stuff Yeah You see I I I I I told you Let's stop this romantic dribble and act like adult human beings Miss Brooks, I'd like to take advantage of this visit to inquire as to your plans for the coming years classwork Do you have your schedule all laid out? Well, frankly, mr. Conklin. I haven't had much chance to work on anything Haven't had much of a chance, but you've been away from school all week Your vacation started last monday. I know mr. Conklin, and that's what I took the week as I mean a vacation is something you go on when you get the opportunity to You don't work on it or during it unless even though I didn't actually go anywhere when my vacation came along I went on it or was on one usually And you wanted to be the head of the english department Please our good. This is no time to talk of school affairs We're here to spend part of our holiday with miss brook. It was very nice of you to think about me, mrs. Conklin It was nice of all of you Where are walter and harriott? Denden get my daughter away from that mistletoe at once. But mr. Conklin harriott is an allergic to mistletoe No, but i'm allergic to you Harriott's almost irresistible sometimes, especially alongside of older women like mrs. Conklin and miss brooks Saved by the bell i'll get it Why mr. Boyden come in. Oh, thanks miss brooks. I thought you were going upstate to see your folks Well, I was but they sent me a wire that they wanted to come down here for a week or so They'll arrive in the morning So I thought I'd drop this little gift off for you tonight. Oh, but you shouldn't of where is it? Let's just put it under the tree in the living room Look who's here everybody. Well, it's mr. Boyden. Hi there, mr. V. This is nice. Hello boyden Hello folks, this is beginning to get more like christmas eve every minute sit down mr. Boyden I'm certainly glad your folks decided to visit you instead of vice versa. Oh, so am I there's a particularly good reason why i'm glad There is Well, yes, it gives me a chance to see how my guinea pigs are affected by this cold snap So far they haven't reacted at all. What do you expect them to do blow on their paws? Miss brook, have you pointed out the mistletoe to mr. Boyden? Oh, why don't you stop that nonsense marker? If he isn't nonsense mr. Boyden look at the mistletoe Mistletoe. Oh, oh, yes a very interesting example of the flora found in various areas throughout the globe An evergreen parasitic shrub. It is indigenous to the regions where apple trees and oaks are bound Now that the lecture is over may we ask questions? Certainly miss brooks Want to stand under it? I Stand under it well You see because of certain characteristics in its makeup an allergy is sometimes aggravated by its presence I'll take a chance if you will come on. Mr. Boyden. Yeah, come on. Mr. Boyden. I just bring him over to this wall here I'll get under it if you like Well, don't just stand there. Can't you see miss brooks is cooking? Well, don't fuss for me. I couldn't eat a thing Mr. Boyden Don't you know what standing under the mistletoe signifies? I know what it signifies to most people, but to me it's just Well, there goes 85 cents worth of mistletoe Hey, I know what let's do. Let's open up the presents right now. Well splendid suggestion walter Shouldn't we wait until just before we leave might be less embarrassing that way Well, if you want to open them now golly this one tree is pretty crowded I'll put some of these packages under this little one over here. Look out walter. You're bumping into one of the branches. Look out Gosh, I got the funniest feeling when I touch that branch. What kind of a feeling walter. Holy You're harriet conklin, aren't you? Well, sure. I'm harriet conklin. What's the matter with you? Nothing nothing's a matter with me It's just that I want to tell you something Harriet, you've got to change you want to try to be more like miss brooks What do you mean walter if you want me to stay interested in you? You've got to be more alluring youthful glamorous Feminine in that real feline brooksway walter have you been drinking pine needles too? Look at that tree it it seems to be glowing. What do you mean glowing just a reflection from the street lights This party is giving me the me-me's Holiday is indeed here. I'll just move the tree where it won't glisten in our eyes. There we go Hi, mr. Conklin happy go lucky fun-loving gag a minute aus good Gag a minute aus good. Sometimes I've wanted to This brooks is that really you standing there? I think so mr. Conklin. Why do you ask? Because you suddenly look so different So intelligent This brooks. I've made up my mind You are now head of the madison high english department. Well, thank you fun-loving aus good I'm going to put this wonderful tree where it belongs right in the center of the room and give me a hand boy Oh, yes, sir. Mr. Conklin. I'll just take this hand here Miss brooks. Yes, mr. Boynham Come here, baby I said come here connie. You did not you said come here, baby, and I'm here Where did the mistletoe? Isn't it wonderful? Well, well, well, well, what are you going to do mr. Boynham? I just call me Phil connie And this is what i'm gonna do Beautiful dream. Where is everybody? Oh, I must have been dreaming Well, that's real enough. I'll be right there Oh, sorry manerve. I didn't mean to drop you But you all just left. Uh, I mean come in We thought it would be nice if we spent our christmas eve together miss brooks Yes, and we brought a few little gifts over for you. I'll just put them under this tree here Yes, do that walter aren't you going to ask me why I didn't go up state, miss brooks I know why mr. Boynham your folks are coming down to see you Well, how did you know about that? I just got the telegram Uh, don't let's get too carried away with the holidays to prepare for the hard school season ahead miss brooks Oh, let's not talk about school affairs now osgood walter Look at the mistletoe Yeah, look at it. Now just a minute before we go through all that again Would you please touch that tree mr. Boynton the one on the left with the Why it's gone. There's only one tree miss brooks. Are you all right? Of course. I'm all right Could I have dreamt that part too? Uh, mr. Boynton, would you do me a favor, please? Of course miss brooks. What is it? Would you touch the christmas tree touch it please it's important All right there Nothing happened. What did you expect? What happened? A miracle Oh, excuse me. I'll be right back Senator i'm so in magic christmas trees, but you just please buy one lady They only cost 50 cents a piece 50 cents. That's right. Here's two dollars. Give me four of them All over the studio here. There are happy signs of christmas bits of red and green Holly and some imaginative person even hung some mistletoe in the control room must remember to drop in there after the show But the christmas spirit is even more evident in the faces of our cast Together with our sponsor the colgate palm olive pete company makers of colgate dental cream Luster cream shampoo and palm olive shaving creams. We join in wishing you a merry christmas Yes, jeff chandler and gale gordon jane morgan virginia gordon dick crena gloria mcmillan jeffry silver Our writer director al lewis and our producer larry burns our conductor wilbur hatch and all the others on the armist brook show And we're gathered here to say may this be the most joyous of the holidays for all of you history liberally sprinkled with labs listen to mr. And this is north the exciting fun packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife tune in tuesday evening over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of our miss brooks bobleman speaking This is cbs the comedy broadcasting system