 Okay, today I'm going to talk about the Bionic Woman board game from 1976 by Parker Brothers. This is a game that I was not familiar with. I only acquired it about a week ago, and it looks great. The Bionic Woman memorabilia just always looks classy. The show was classy and all the stuff that came with it was classy. Let's take a closer look at the box here. Here she is. Catching a mountain lion was a net on a cliff. There's a Lindsay Wagner's face in the Bionic Woman, but of course the signature. I really like this. The signature here is the autograph of a fictitious character. Jamie Summers, ages 7 to 12. Got the typical box art of the autograph again. Let's look at the back. This is a really complex board. You can tell by the photo on the back here. Here's a brief description. Let's open up the box. Look at that. Have you ever seen a more complicated set of pads? You've got an airport in each corner. You've got headquarters in the center. You've got these pads and white dots moving around. Then you've got these pink arrows making odd connections here. You've got little paintings depicting the various adventure cards you can draw. There's a submarine. There's a derailed train. There's a burst dam. There's a UFO. There's a hospital out in the woods. Big hospital out in the woods, but here's my favorite. The escaped circus animals. Yeah, that's a problem. Let's look at the rest of the box. Here are the instructions taking up most of the rest of the box. These are some of the most convoluted instructions I've ever seen. And I'll read you some of it in a minute, but first, we've got the typical game tokens from the game of life, popularized by the game of life, in the red, blue, yellow, and green. Everyone starts at the center of the board, I understand. We've got dice, two small dice. We've got a small collection of these card clips. Even after reading the instructions, I wasn't sure exactly what these are for or if they were even necessary. And then we've got the adventure cards. They're numbered. There are 36 adventure cards that correspond to numbers on the board. And then there are four special cards. One go to any airport card and one go to HQ card and two, these are my favorite. Two, Steve Austin assists card, which gives you a double throw of the dice. So look at some of these cards, gun runners, avalanche, attempted plane hijack, ranger hurt in the woods. I imagine these were episodes of the show. It certainly sounds like a dam breaking, forest fire, sailboat, circus animals escape. Kidnap attempt bomb. UFO spotted. Luckily, this is what saves it for me. UFO spotted, Jamie reveals hoax. So thank goodness. And each of these adventures is worth different numbers of points either like 10, 20, or 30. Equipment failure of hospital, train wreck, all sorts of things. This is my favorite card right here. Mysterious intruder at campsite, Jamie investigates giant footprint. Wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful. Now, see if we can't decipher these instructions a bit. I'm just going to read some of this to you. I'll give you an example of how complex this is. Let me read the methods of travel to you. At the beginning of your turn before you rolled the dice, you must announce the way you was to travel. Method number one, if you go by automobile, throw both dice and move your marker along the road. Which are the white circles in the direction you wish to travel. You may move forward or backward the total number of spaces shown on the dice. Or you may move forward the number of spaces shown on one die and backward the number of spaces shown on the other die. Example, if a player throws a six and a three, she may make any one of the following moves. Nine spaces forward or nine spaces backward or six spaces forward and three spaces backward or three spaces forward and six spaces backward. Method number two, if you go by helicopter, the helicopter travels along the pink path from arrow to arrow. To travel by helicopter, you must be at a numbered location that connects with an arrow. Throw the dice if either dice shows an even number, two, four, or six. Move your marker along the arrow one space to the next numbered space in the direction you wish to travel. Example, a player may move on a roll of four and three, or six and one, or four and four, etc. But may not move on a five and one, five and three, three and three, etc. Good Lord. Method number three, travel by airplane. A player must land on an airport by exact count. When traveling to an airport by automobile, a player may have to move back and forth several times by splitting their moves before she is able to land on an airport space. When a player lands on an airport, she immediately moves her marker to any other airport on the board that ends her turn. Okay, reaching the location of your adventure. I mean, we haven't even started yet, see. You do not have to reach your adventure by exact count. When you reach the location of your adventure, you may, if you wish, take a risk and try to use Jamie's Bionic powers to double the points on your card, blah, blah, blah. If you roll less than seven, you have failed to complete your adventure. You must return your card to the bottom of the deck. Okay, here's the special assignments and the top secret assignment. Each time a player rolls double ones or sixes, the top adventure card becomes special assignment. The top card on the deck is immediately turned face up, and a clip is attached to it, adding 50 points to the value of the card. The player who rolls doubles then makes her move. Each special assignment is worth the value on the card, plus a bonus of 50. A special assignment may be won by any player. You have the choice of leaving your own adventure temporarily to try to collect the special assignment. Because special assignments are worth more points, you must land on their locations by exact count. When you win a special assignment, you must place the card under the right corner of the board with the clip facing you. It will count toward your total score at the end of the game. You may not try to double the points on a special assignment. Okay, okay. After four special assignments have been turned up, the next card, after double ones or sixes are rolled, becomes the top secret assignment. Two clips are attached to the card, and the player who wins it receives a 100-point bonus, which is added to the value on the card. Blah, blah, blah. The game ends as soon as the top secret assignment has been won. Each player adds up the total number of points. Okay, look. I'm trying to picture a group of 12-year-olds playing this game and trying to decipher the rules, and I just can't see it. They're going to get frustrated and lose interest almost immediately. But anyway, there's the Bionic Woman game. It's a great looking box, and I'm glad I have it.