 Hello. And welcome to Harsh Critique. It's been a while since I've done one of these, and... well... there's usually a reason for that. It's kind of soul-sucking. But you know what? Let's go over a couple of drafts people submitted and see what we can come up with. But first, I want to give you a warning. The kind of feedback I give in this particular series is not acceptable critique to anyone, anywhere, anytime. The only reason that it's okay for me to do this is because the people who submitted their drafts watched me rip somebody else apart. The very first one was me, by the way, and said, you know what? I want him to do that to me. So, you know, even if someone says to you at some point, here's my draft. Give me some feedback. Be as harsh as you want. No. Not like this. Anyway, let's get started. Now, our first draft is from someone called Kaki Dontus. And we're going to go ahead... what the f**k is this? Why? So you decided to send me... is this deliberate? What even... what font is this? Oh, bad script. Well, this is fantastic. So I'm not going to read this, but I can see from the length of it that you're running into a serious problem that I see quite often with SCP drafts. And that's that this isn't really an SCP draft. This is an idea that you're taking way too long to pitch. Oh, God, I'm going to read it. Logic class Keeter is to be contained in a 2 meter by 2 meter by 3 meter at site 88. As we kept alive at all costs in the event of its death, the Keeter level containment breach is to be declared in a new bubble of boss we identified in the event of escaping a Euclid level containment breach is to be declared in a f**king hang. Oh, it's found to be inhabiting another SCP. A member of the O5 Council is to be informed. Yeah, okay. The O5 Council. We'll get them involved in this little tiny thing. You're like, well, it's a Keeter. That means it's important. There are hundreds or even maybe a thousand Keeters on the site. Keeters are not super important. They're just difficult to contain. It has no corforial body and this cannot be seen. However, when inside a host, henceforth, referred to as blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It produces an ultraviolet. I almost thought that said ultra violent, which would have for this kind of a draft probably would have even been more realistic. Ultraviolet aura. What does that even mean? Like you just mean like a halo around something? Couldn't you just said that? Aura is super nondescriptive. Why would you use the word aura? That is semi-visible because ultraviolet light is totally semi-visible to the human eye. Is it ultraviolet? Or... But glow is extremely brightly in the UV spectrum. I don't think you mean it's just ultraviolet. It's got to have something in the visible spectrum. If it's visible, I don't know to think you understand what these words mean. It appears parasitic in nature, but also displays properties that are so ill. You do realize that those two things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive and that there's like a lot of crossover between the two. It's not a full and clear delineation. Yeah, there's definitive definitions for the two things, but a lot of things are like, are they a parasite? Are they a symbiote? I don't really know. You could have just said that instead of... It appears parasitic in nature, but also... Anyway, it feeds on a... And whenever you use the word appears that, what do you mean by appears that? Does it do it or doesn't it? Like feeds on emotion and an exchange gives a twisted form of immortality, a twisted form of immortality, great clinical tone. Where they ever lived through any injury, but they never heal. Have you healed through disintegration or severing... Or severing connection between bottom organs? And they're not able to live through any injury. You just said they could live through any injury and then you're like, except for these injuries. It immediately enters the nearest sentient being and is able to pass through any barriers while doing so. Oh my God. Oh, now we've got our test log, an orbital satellite, a D-class host inside an orbital satellite, an abandoned island in the Pacific Ocean. This doesn't make any sense. Okay, so this test doesn't make any sense. Anyone know why the orbital satellite, which is probably in a geosynchronous orbit, it says around 40,000 kilometers, which I assume means around 36,000 kilometers, which is around the geosynchronous orbit range. But like the idea is like it's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, so it's far away from all those sentient beings. But it isn't. There's nothing, there's nowhere in the Pacific Ocean that's further than like what? Maybe 12? I'm not, I'm not, I'm gonna guess here, but I'm gonna say like 12,000 kilometers away from a person. Because like, for example, Hawaii to California is about 10, I'm guessing about 10,000 kilometers and about 10,000 kilometers to Japan. Like, and that's about in the middle. It's a bit further to Japan than it is to California, but still, like what's wrong with you? There is nowhere on earth that is 40,000 kilometers away from another person. That's a really long distance. And that's just across the surface, just to make a point. Like, even if you were to pass straight through the earth entirely, you'd still reach other people before you reach something that was 40,000 kilometers overhead. The earth is like what? 12,000, 13,000 kilometers thick? I'm not, again, not sure on the exact numbers, but you could just go through the earth and find someone faster than you could. Of course, the numbers work out even better if you go at a direct angle to something else on the side. Come on, what is wrong with you 40,000 kilometers? Oh my God. Yeah, this is the serious, this is the problem. This is the problem I continuously run into with people offering me drafts. They're like, Oh, yeah, with this drafter. Oh, well, give me some critique on this. And then like, give me one paragraph worth of like, decently. This is what like, yeah, this is an idea that you took too long to pitch. This is not a draft. There's nothing going on here. You've just got, Hey, look, why wouldn't it be funny if there was like a creature that like, I don't know, you know, could make you immortal, but like, you'd still get hurt. And you know, it's a ghost or something. It's got all these extraneous details that don't go towards the main plot you're trying to push. And you don't really have a main plot, actually. So then it's just a random scatter shot of details. Do better. Just do better. I mean, we can go over some of the basic stupidity. You got a two meter by two meter by three meter room. So, you know, what's the big deal? What's a two meter by two meter by three meter room going to do for you? If it's three meters by three meters by four meters, then it'll escape. Except no, nothing in containment procedures or in the description or even in the Tesla tells me that's the case. What does it matter? Just say a standard humanoid containment cell. And I love that and is to be kept alive at all costs, which I'm fine with the idea of saying and you can't let this guy die, but you don't kind of say it like that. Like it's just important that this person not be dead. These are strictly prescriptive containment procedures. So if you say and is to be kept alive, you don't have to say at all costs and also why at all costs. Do you understand what at all costs mean? At all costs mean if the end of the world would result from you keeping him alive, you still should do it. And obviously that's not what you mean with this because it's not that important. It's just a ghost dude that makes you sort of immortal. Look, dude, just find your idea in this, which is a ghost dude that makes you kind of immortal and find the story. You know what your story is? You know, I almost always suggest this because flash fiction is it gives you such a limited amount of time to really work on a thing. Your story is simple. Find a character who's inhabited by this ghost thing and tell his story. You have a limited number of words and page space and attention from the reader. Just tell the story of the mother who is currently sort of immortal. God, you know, I wasn't even gonna fucking read this thing. I swear to God, if you people send me another thing with a fucking special script font, whatever the hell this is, it's called bad script. And by the way, appropriate name for this font, both in the fact that the fucking draft is terrible and that the font itself is terrible. That still bothers me. Ultraviolet aura that is semi-visible to the human eye. It's not just ultraviolet. You could say it emits radiation extremely brightly in the UV spectrum and less brightly in the visible spectrum or something along those lines. You got a lot of semi-scientific words in here, but none of it really matters. I love the if blah blah blah is found to be inhabiting another SCP. I remember the O5 Council was to be informed, which, you know, bringing the O5 Council into anything makes no sense to me, especially with something this poorly, something that's this harmless. But of course, it inhabits another SCP. That could be a problem if it's a world ending SCP that you count on, you know, being able to hurt or kill. I guess kill? Because you can always hurt these things. Like if it inhabited SCP 682, nothing would change. I like how there's no procedures, by the way, just a member of the O5 Council is to be informed. Like you'd think there would be more detailed procedures about like if it's a harmful SCP or if it's SCP that we count on being able to kill over and over again so it transfers into something else or something else so it doesn't grow in danger or size or some other bullshit, that they'd like have a setup and be like, but you know, whatever, we'll put it inside. You know, put it in some, that's a good example. Put it in something that doesn't matter. And since they can be entered, just keep them sedated and in a room somewhere. Anyway, you know, I was going to do a second draft today, but I got so distracted by how terrible this tiny little draft was, and I'm pretty sure I've got a long enough video already. Thanks a lot, khaki-dontus. I swear to Christ, sometimes you people make me want to put my fist in my fucking computer screen. All right, that's it. Just stop being terrible. That's my advice to you, khaki-donuts. If you'd like to have your draft harsh critiqued, leave a comment down below. I'll have a pinned comment and you can reply to that. I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever you have to throw at me. No more Google Docs. Put it in a sandbox or shut the fuck up. I hate these so fucking much. I'm gonna try and compose myself so that I can do my outro in a way that doesn't like make my patrons sound like they're annoying me. I'll be back in a second. All right, I think I'm better now. I'd like to thank these three new Patreon backers. First of all, we've got Goblin Katie at $20, Serpent Thrope at $10, and Emily Murphy at $5. All three of these people pledged in the last few days, and I want to thank them very much for adding their support to my Patreon. This is the kind of thing that lets me continue to make great content for you people, you know, content other than what I did today. And the more you pledge, closer I get to be able to make this content for a living, which is something I never really thought was possible until this year. So thank you very much to them and everybody else on the screen right now. I appreciate your support and if you'd like to join them, you can go to patreon.com forward slash decimarian. There'll actually be a link in the description below, and there'll also be a link in the pinned post I put in the comments. So go ahead and give that a look. Thank you very much for watching, and I'll see you on Tuesday.