 Why is it that there are so many men and some women who have a really hard time sharing their feelings? We're gonna dive into this for a second. I'm gonna give you a suggestion on how to create a more open relationship for the two of you. Now, I wanna read something I prepared for you. So give me a moment to pull up my notes and share this with you. I'll be reading. This is regarding an emotionally distant partner. And this is actually something I heard from a therapist and they go on to say, emotionally distant people, they often couldn't depend on their parents during their childhood for emotional support. I'm gonna repeat that one more time. They couldn't depend on their parents for emotional support. They are scared of conflict or being judged. Being their authentic self wasn't safe. If they were vulnerable as a child, they were shut down or were told not to be emotional. This is why many men and some women have a hard time opening up and often they seek space or desire freedom because they didn't experience healthy love in their childhood. Does any of this sound familiar to you? You might have experienced this. And oftentimes we head in one or two directions. We become emotionally distant or we become anxious. And I'm gonna talk about that for a second as well. You know, something my sweetheart shared with me in our early stage of dating, she shared with me her upbringing. And I'll be candid with you. She had a very chaotic upbringing that borderlined on abuse. And she suffered a lot of emotional trauma in her childhood. Now she was blessed at the age of 18 to do something called life spring at a very early age that allowed her not to suffer the consequences of this damaging experience from childhood. Now, we talked about emotionally distant people. I shared with you, I'm gonna talk about anxious people. And this is something I know personally from my own experience. See, while I had two parents that I know they loved me and they cared for me, they were a byproduct of the early 1920s. In fact, both of my parents were born in the mid to late 1920s. Very tough upbringing, especially from a European Asian descent. My parents are Turkish. And while they were born, they were raised a little bit upper middle class or upper, yeah, upper middle class. They had their own challenges growing up. I know my father had his challenges, my mother had hers. But in particular, if I talk about my upbringing, something that affected me deeply as an adult was my mother would do something called stonewalling. Whenever she was anxious or she was upset with my father, upset with my brother, upset with me, she would actually withhold love from everybody for roughly about a 72 hour period. Three or four days, she would go stone cold. Now as a little boy, for me, seeking mom's attention, seeking mom's love, seeking mom's approval, it was very difficult for me to navigate my emotions during this period of time because I felt like I had done something wrong. And if I do something to make her happy, she will love me again. And this is oftentimes what results in anxious attachment style. In other words, oftentimes being needy in relationship. I'm asking, have any of you experienced that? Does any of that resonate with you? See, we typically go in one of two directions. We become emotionally distant or we become anxious. In fact, it's very common that an anxious person attracts an avoidant person. An avoidant person attracts an anxious person because both people genuinely want to feel loved in a relationship. And yet we are wearing so many different masks, so many different layers that if we don't get a chance to peel the onion on this, we hardly ever grow out of this. And this is what happens to many men in relationship as well as women, they have a difficult time expressing themselves in relationship. And what happens with the anxious person because there's this kind of need of dependency for reassurance, it smothers the avoidant person and they need to go take space because it feels overwhelming to them because they couldn't trust love from their parents. And certainly the anxious person, or at least in my particular case, wasn't my mother was emotionally avoidant and I felt like I was the person I did something wrong. And this happens for many of us in romantic relationships these days where we're making bids for connections, we're making bids to, and I use the word bids, we're just making overtures for wanting to feel connected. And yet many of us are struggling with our own capacity to love ourselves. And I know in my particular case, I did so much work in the Hoffman process and Insight Institute. I even wrote a book about self love, what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self open spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book that I recommend. Well, I'm bringing this up is that this is something so deeply rooted in me. And while it's, here's the thing I wanna share with everyone. While it's important to do our work outside of relationship, we oftentimes don't get the benefit of actually working on these wounds until we're in relationship with someone else. And to recognize that we don't need someone else to love us, to feel good about ourselves. We don't need someone to love us to guarantee our trajectory on our path called life. See, the minute we become dependent upon someone else for our emotional survival, we are giving away our power. We're making someone else responsible for our feelings. This is why I continually recommend everybody check out the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is an opportunity to do a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause us to either be emotionally distant or emotionally anxious. So I said, if you really wanna know how a man feels about you try this. Well, I think we have to recognize that most men have, we because we were told to stuff our emotions, stuff our feelings as children and that we have a difficult time. I think it's important to really recognize that men give love or share their feelings in different ways outside of words. I'm gonna repeat that, we show it in different ways outside of words. If you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend checking this out. The reason why I'm recommending this book is this is a book to help you recognize the five primary love languages. First is words of affirmation. Now, for us, Leo's, we call it words of adoration, but words happens to be my number one love language. Next is a physical touch. That happens to be my number two love language. The third is quality time. That happens to be my number three love language. Acts of service and gifts. Men oftentimes speak with their actions and not necessarily their words. We men tend to be more acts of service or physical touch than they are words. So it's difficult when a person isn't verbalizing, expressing themselves, it's difficult to know how they really feel about you. So in a few minutes, I'm gonna share with you a technique I highly recommend that you all engage in. I know it's something my clients use on a regular basis is something I practice in my relationship with my sweetheart, there's a picture of her right there. And I want to invite you all to maybe incorporate this in your relationship sooner rather than later. But I just shared with you, men tend to show their feelings through actions and I just wanna describe a few actions really quickly to make sure that you recognize that if he's not doing it in words, he might be doing it in other ways. So number one, he wants to spend regular time with you. That's a great sign. When someone wants to spend time with you, I will tell you, men only wanna spend time with people they feel good about. By the way, don't you women do the same thing? You only wanna spend time with people that you feel good about. So if he's initiating regular time to be with you, that is a great sign that he genuinely cares about you. Number two, by the way, I read this from an article so I'm sharing something I read off the internet but number two was he uses we language. Hey, we should take a trip, we should do this, we should go to this party, we should go visit your family. When someone starts using we language, it's a great sign that they genuinely care about you. Number three, he creates ways to make you smile. Men want our, we men that care about our women wanna make them smile, laughter is infectious. Now some men have poor humor, some men have sarcastic humor, some men have dry humor. But I will tell you when a man actually goes out of his way to make you smile, that's a great sign that he cares about you. Number four, he's in tune with your feelings. You know, it occurs to me that you've heard the phrase men are providers and protectors and certainly in our economy today, it takes two incomes to make a relationship work. I think it's a very small percentage of men that can actually provide financially for two households. And sometimes you have to do more than two households if you've gone through a divorce, okay? So that's the provider piece protector. You know, here's the thing that occurs to me. How often are you getting mugged in the street? How often are you getting mugged? Is it happening once a week, once a month, once a year? Or have you ever experienced that? See, most men actually don't have the fighting skills to protect you even if you're in an environment where you might get mugged. And certainly there's no tigers coming out to tigers and lions to come out and kill you because we don't need to carry shields and swords around us. So what does it mean to be a protector? Well, we can walk on the outside of the street. That certainly feels like they can be a protector. Certainly a taller person that can do this to a woman who's smaller feels like a protector, but that's not really being protected unless someone can actually take care of you in a circumstance where you might need to be physically protected. And I will raise my hand. I'd be shit out of luck. I have literally little to no fighting skills. Very few men, I would say a very small percentage of men actually have that skill set, myself included. So what does it mean to be a protector? Protector of your emotions, in other words, recognize that their actions actually have ramifications. So a true protector is mindful that their actions have a ramification on others. And they're mindful of that in such a way that they don't put you either in a situation of mistrusting them. That is a person who genuinely cares about you. He's in tune with your feelings. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. He makes an effort to spend time with the people he loves and the people you love. He makes an effort to spend time with those people. In addition, he's open to sharing his inner thoughts about you and he comes to you when he has a problem. That's a great sign that a man cares about you without actually using the words. So what can you do to create this kind of environment? Ladies, I know you've heard from the rent pill community that men are the leaders of the relationship because they make all the money and you have to be subordinate to what men say you need to be good little girls because well, men will pay for you if you do that. Ladies, be careful of this concept of men or the leaders of relationship because let me tell you something. You are giving the job to the wrong person and trust me, you might really give it to the wrong person because you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Nobody else. So I want to invite you all to use something I used with my children back when they were six and nine years old. And I started something with my children. There's a picture of my sons, Collin and Connor. Sadly my son, Connor passed away almost five years ago to the day. But something I started with them early on was something called sacred circle, sacred circle. And what I did is I put the three of us together kind of in a circle, I said, guys, when I do this this means sacred circle is on. And what sacred circle was is a safe space to express ourselves to each other, to say whatever we would like to each other. And they go, dad, we can say whatever we like. Yeah, kids, say whatever you like. So right off the bat, they started to say fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm swear to God, that's exactly what they did. And I would say sacred circle off and they would have to stop. And I would say sacred circle on and they would do it again. With the fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. Now, is that teaching my kids bad manners? Well, you know what? They knew the words. You know, it was something in their vocabulary. But what I did was I created a safe space for them to be themselves. Remember I said earlier that oftentimes our authentic self is so criticized, so judged, so demoralized that we can't actually be our authentic self. And then that moment I allowed my children to be their authentic self. What would happen is I would do this daily with them and every time I spent time with them and this went on for years and it was almost always the same. Sacred circle on, they would curse, sacred circle off, they wouldn't curse until my oldest was 14 years old. So we're talking now five years later. My oldest comes to me and says, dad, can you put sacred circle on? I go, yeah, sacred circle on. And he shared something very personal with me. I shared something about a girl coincidentally. He knew his dad was a dating coach so it might be something I could help him with. But in that moment, he felt safe enough to share something very personal and intimate with him. And coincidentally, a few years later, my youngest, Connor, did the same thing. He said, dad, can you put sacred circle on? And thankfully, my last words to my son who passed away was which we did, we had a ritual, a hug, a kiss, I love you. And that was my last memory of him alive because we built trust with one another. Okay, that's what I did in my life. My invitation for you is to practice, to create a safe space between you and your partner to talk about the relationship. This is something Marie and I did on our very third date and we do this once a month. We set up a container, we call it camp, where we connect with one another and we share our inner thoughts about our relationship and a little bit about our relationship to trajectory because it's important to know how our take a temperature gauge of the relationship on a regular basis. So there's no ambiguity. And while there might be not a lot of communication between the month, we make a practice that in that space together, we at least do our best to open our hearts as much as possible, recognizing that it can be a scary place. And in that space, we kind of have a sense of where the relationship stands on a regular basis. Rather than knowing about how he feels, I'm inviting you all to do a temperature gauge of your relationship by creating this space called sacred circle. You can borrow what I used with my children in your love life. Make it a regular practice with one another. It used to be called date night, but date night is just filled with romance and it's trying to ignite a spark between the two of you. I want to invite you all to begin a practice of opening up emotionally with one another so you can actually have a fulfilling relationship. And this way you don't ever have to second guess how someone's feelings because you're making an intentional, of taking an intentional approach to this thing we call relationships, which is so dysfunctional and chaotic. And unfortunately, the vast majority of people are gonna find themselves in chaotic dysfunctional relationships because they abandon their own self-love hoping that someone else will give them what they need to find within themselves. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. If you really wanna know how a man feels about you, I invite you to practice this thing called sacred circle and see if it changes the trajectory of your relationship, at least in a positive sense. And if it isn't gonna go the distance, that is okay too because if a relationship doesn't go the distance, you are gonna be fine because you have every tool within inside yourself to nurture your little kid and tell them you're gonna be okay. I'm giving you all big, gigantic, Jonathan Bear hug with that as well. All right, if this, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, post a comment below. All right, if you're watching the live stream and you have a question to ask of me, I invite, this is our time to take questions. I want you to write the word question and then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the money's from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's the little guy right there. He's my son, as I mentioned earlier, who passed away five years ago in his honor. I donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and we just gave, we're just sending $150 to Seeds of Love, which is an organization for children who've been abandoned by their parents in Columbia who these children have terminal diseases and they've been abandoned by their parents. So again, that little dollar sign below, all the money's collected today, we'll go to one of those three causes. All right, let's see what we have here. Hey, one of my Facebook group members, Sacred Circle on a regular basis is an interesting idea new to me. Yes, I hope. By the way, this is my Facebook group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through Facebook and a once a month webinar I host. So if you like some information on that, check it out, go to my website and check out Midlife Love Mastery. So I'm really happy one of our members jumped in. Sue wants to say, this is resonating with her. I'm so happy to hear that. Christine says, wow, what an amazing gift. Yeah, this is amazing, what a gift. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. I'm really proud of the intentionality I have approached my relationship with my sweetheart. It's taken a lot of effort reading a lot of books that I recommend going through these experiences. And by no means are we a perfect example of a healthy, happy relationship. We have our own stuff. We have our own stuff that needs to be worked on. The most important thing that we've established is a line of communication to share because on a regular basis, we have morning coffee and we share how we feel about each other. Now, we happen to be in a relationship where we live together. See, unfortunately, many of you are in cyber relationships where most of your communication is done through the phone. Okay, many of you are in cyber relationships. Many of you are in what I call part-time relationships or casual relationships. Meaning, you don't live together. You spend time together. You have occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex, okay? But you haven't really integrated each other into your lives. And without that integration, when you're apart, when a person is going through an emotional crisis, they take space and because you don't live together, you're not in daily contact with one another other than the phone. And believe me, when someone's going through an emotional crisis, the last thing they want to do is engage through the telephone and so they become distant in the relationship. And then the other person is feeling anxiety, concern, fear, frustration, and that adds to everything. And then they're overwhelming their partner and no wonder it's a cluster fuck out there. As Connor and Colin used to say, fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. By the way, for those that feel offended by my cursing, believe me, it's just simply for levity. It's not a representation of being unprofessional. It's simply adding exclamation points to sentences. So it's no wonder when we are experiencing these casual relationship, part-time relationships, relationships where there isn't a regular activity together. And I've always said the best relationships at least for two people who don't live together is where they spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in their personal and their professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that leads to some sort of long-term commitment with one another. So I'm here to say, without that intentionality, many of you are swimming in the wrong direction with another person. But Jonathan, I'm in a long-distance relationship and we can't do that. Well, guess what? You're gonna have the hardest time of all if you don't live in the same space. But Jonathan, we barely spend much time together. Yeah, because you guys aren't really co-creating a relationship. But Jonathan, I barely know him. Well, guess what? Then make sure that if you're going to allow the penis inside the vagina, then you better make sure you build some level of trust sooner rather than later because without it, your relationship will most likely fizzle or end at some point. That's all I'm here to suggest to you. You can give me all the excuses in the world at the end of the day. The relationships that work are the relationships that integrate each other into their lives and they don't spend years living apart to get to that place. They create that container sooner rather than later. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Let me know. All right. Ashley says, if you're just starting out dating a relationship, what is the best way to ask for a sacred circle? Great question. So you can share with them that something I'd like to, if we are going to, if we are going to explore a relationship together, then I'd like to start a ritual between the two of us that in the early stages of once a week, we get together and talk about the relationship. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent in this experience. We do this once a week. And once we've established a fully committed relationship, then we can do it on a monthly basis. How would you feel about that? Now I would ask this before the penis goes inside the vagina, you are gonna scare 90% of men away. In fact, this is why I highly recommend using my dating vows in the early stages. This can be incorporated into the dating vows. The dating vow is simply an agreement between two people for the following. Again, if you're going to be dating and getting to know each other and you're gonna have regular sex together, I invite you to incorporate this language. By the way, there's a link in the description below to get a copy of this, okay? The dating vows is simple. It's where both of you agree to explore the process of getting to know one another with the intent to declare something serious in three to six months. We agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. We agree to not actively seek to meet date, seek to meet and date others while we're in the process of dating, which includes taking down our dating profiles. We agree to speak up if this isn't working for you versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. We agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you, which looks like maybe my scenario I shared earlier. 90% of men will bail on this, why? Because they have a short-term mating strategy. That's right, they have a short-term mating strategy. For those men like myself that have a long-term mating strategy, we would be open to this because we'd like you enough to give, listen, folks, if you like someone enough, by the way, most men know within the first, second or third date, if they like you enough that they want to explore a relationship with you, we know it very early on. Now, a lot of men that are looking to just get laid, we might be goal-oriented because you know, men are hunters and men, okay, men are hunters. What are we hunting? I want a relationship, I want a relationship. Is that what I'm hunting with my bow and arrow relationship? No, we're hunting sex. But you see, men who are more evolved are looking for that have a long-term mating strategy. Yes, we want to have sex and we want to explore a relationship with someone. We've gone on three dates with someone and we're not pushing the sex. There's a good chance he wants something serious. He will be absolutely open to sharing, discussing this with you, including Sacred Circle, Ms. Ashley. And let me just say this. Women have been, my clients use this approach all the time and I am shocked, not shocked, I shouldn't say shocked, they're shocked at how well it's working. So try and check out that link to get those dating vows, okay? All right, nobleness writes, anxious me, after physical intimacy, why doesn't avoidant detach? After one year, he states he's now on a deep emotional level, does most of your list still cannot commit to a real relationship? I am sure that this man has a significant trauma associated with partnership and he simply, he's what I call a spender. So there are, here, let me pull out this chart so you can see this, okay? Please forgive the glare, okay? There are the users, the spenders and the growers. Users, they seek short-term game. They're the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, entitled people, selfish people, only caring about themselves. That's roughly 20% of the population. This is anecdotal, this is an opinion, not a fact. The spenders, they seek connection, companionship and sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. And the growers and the builders, which is probably 20% of the population, please forgive this, okay? They seek long-term commitment, they're emotionally grown up, they're good relationship, they have good relationship skills, they have their act together. You are most likely with a spender. He spends time with you, but he's incapable of commitment. Spenders can give you this companionship, the connection and the sex without the commitment because he most likely has a deep wound around commitment or he doesn't have any incentive to commit. Now, what did I mean by incentive? In other words, ladies, there's an expression. If you're giving wife duties at girlfriend prices, he has no incentive to actually up-level the relationship. Now, a spender can turn into a grower if you start turning the relationship around to something deeply intimate by having these regular discussions about your relationship through Sacred Circle. That's my invitation for your nobleness. And if it doesn't work out, then you are better prepared for the next man you meet. All right. McCoy's Oak Hill Farm. Why do guys still contact a person when you've, wait, when you have your profile, you are not interested in long distance relationship, even guys from other countries. I honestly don't get it. Let me ask you a question. Why do you care? Why do you care about what somebody else does? I'm gonna tell you the why, but why do you care? See, it matters more to me that you're even asking that question because it's irrelevant what they do. See, being in your power says, okay, thank you for sending me that message, energetically send them a bit of love and move on. Why did they do it? Did they not read your profile? Don't be in your ego going, I'm righteous. You didn't read my profile. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. You know, most people don't read profiles and even if they do, if even if they did, they're taking a stab in the dark. So what? You took a stab in the bark, start stabbing the dark from the, even the guys from another country. Now 20% of them are scam artists. 60% of them are you are spenders, okay? But some of them are growers and builders and even Marie reached out to me from 1,700 miles away. I rejected it at first, but look what happened with us. So listen to this. If you say shame on you for not reading my profile, you're setting a barrier for yourself. Why not just express gratitude on an energetic level? And who knows? Someone might surprise you that lives 1,700 miles away. Okay, thanks, McCoy. Here's someone from our Facebook group. How do you let your guy know you feel he isn't making you feel important to him like he did before without making him feel defensive? We will be three years on August 1st. That's my birthday in person. He tends to dismiss discussions by saying, you're right, I'm wrong, which usually means the opposite. So now this is difficult because you two haven't most likely established a truly intimate relationship, but that was built on mutual respect and trust, okay? I'm talking about by having regular conversations about the relationship, okay? The reason why he gets defensive, he's most likely deeply wounded from his childhood or adult traumas and he has gone unhealed. So he's incapable of going any further than this line in the sand he has created. Until he seeks some healing from his past, it's gonna be very difficult to share this. And for him, you know, I get it, he's walled up and that makes you feel less than. What's most important here is A, no matter what happens, you're gonna be okay. Just want you to know that, no matter what happens, you're gonna be okay. B, he's in your life to allow you to heal your own wounds in this area. It's just the reverse side of the coin. So be grateful that you have a mirror. Again, it's the other side of the coin that will allow you to love yourself in this particular case. And then you have to establish, is this a real relationship where we're growing together or are we just spending time with each other? Ask yourself those questions, invite those questions in for yourself and then tell me how it works in a few months, okay? All right, Sue Moore, what is an interesting question to ask online male friend that will make him feel that you care other than how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I always love, I always love being curious. Ask something about his life, ask something about his profession. Here's a good example. I remember talking to an intellectual property attorney one day and I asked him the question, what inspired you to become an intellectual property attorney? What inspired you to do that? That's a really powerful question. It's an open-ended question that opens up dialogue for deeper conversations outside of the surface. Men are oftentimes very, we are self-centric when it comes to our professional life. So feed that part of him by being inquisitive about his professional life and ask the question, what inspired you to do what you do? All right, hope that helps. Sharon says, I love the dating vows. Well, I'm happy to hear that. Mel is in the house. Why should we read so many books about relationship if we're not willing to have healthy face-to-face relationships with people we think we know? I know, right? What is it about you people? What is the craziness out there? You act as most humans act so righteous and superior that they are actually good at this shit. Most people think they actually have emotional maturity and good relationship skills. Most everybody believes that. There's an arrogance with most humans that they don't need to study this stuff. I'm here to invite the question, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And what's fascinating to me is if you ask, I want you to contact a therapist. If you know a therapist in your life, I want you to ask them this question. When couples come into therapy, do they usually do this? It's my partner's fault. No, it's my partner's fault. It's my partner's fault. It's my partner's fault. I will tell you, the therapist pull their hair out in insanity because very few people look in the mirror and go, I am responsible for my feelings and even the circumstances in the relationship. Do make that, I invite everybody to try that with a therapist, okay? All right, nobleness comes back and says, avoidance states once his vision comes to play, he'll be ready for more committed relationship, meeting family, mention living together. If he's doing your list of actions, is that good? Well, certainly if his actions demonstrate affection, that's a good sign. That's a really good sign. If he's consistent with the regular time together, he makes time to meet your family and friends. He's open to sharing your inner thoughts. He comes to you when he has problems. He's in tune with your feelings. These are all good signs. If he's doing that, then it's a matter of time unless there is a deep wound that is blocking him from anything serious with you. Mel says 20% are scammers, you're being a little too kind to them. You know, I don't believe that most, well, I think there's a high percentage of online dating scams. I think there are a lot of wounded people that it might feel like you're being scammed, but I really don't believe most people, I'd say 80% are wounded, but legit, okay? Hey, our Facebook member says, thank you, you're very welcome. Christine wants to remind everyone of my acronym called, one of my acronyms called NICE when it comes to communicating with men, N-I-C-E. Okay, on my dating profile was my first name. The N stands for name, Jonathan. The I stands for inquisitive. What inspired you to become a dating coach? The C stands for complement. You're easy on the eyes, you have great energy from your pictures. The C stands for complement, and the E stands for energy or emoji. Put a happy emoji. It demonstrates a bit of positive energy, N-I-C-E, name, inquisitive, complement, and enthusiasm. Energy, enthusiasm, emoji. All right, thanks so much for that reminder. Sue says, thanks for answering the question. You're very welcome. All right, this can be our last question tonight. Maybe I'll answer one more. How long after a couple starts dating should you start meeting family members? I think if the penis gets to go inside the vagina, you should start moving towards those things. If you're going to start having sex together, the sooner you learn about who this person is, the better. The sooner you learn about this person, the better. That's my invitation for everyone. I think we make a mistake by putting sex way too early in the relationship. And then we don't know who this person is and we don't know anything about their lives only to find out that they're a mismatch for us. So that's something I invite everybody to do sooner rather than later. So, all right. Is this, everybody, is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Close to comment below. If there's something that you feel like you can add to this conversation, I'd really appreciate it. But I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. If you find value in my content, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. All right, we're going to take one more question. I can see it's right here. And bear with me, everyone, I just, okay. Question, avoid it. Sexual intimacy was every other week for the first six months. Then went five months until last weekend with no sexual intimacy. Once he said, he now has emotional connection with me. Can he heal? Healing is done through deep introspective work, through therapy, through personal development workshops. I think very few people can actually just snap out of it. You know, that phrase from Moonstruck, snap out of it. I think we actually have to do significant introspective work, therapy, personal development workshops, that sort of thing. This dynamic sounds rather chaotic between the two of you. So it's hard to say, but he will heal when he makes a choice to go work on himself. That's the best, that's the time when he'll most likely heal, okay? This would be one more question. Why does it seem like a majority of men on dating sites just want sex, although their profiles say relationships? Well, look at, when I was young, all I wanted was sex. When I got divorced, all I wanted was sex. Sex drives me to go pursue relationships with someone. Sex is a high motivator. The thing is, is the online has turned into, we now have a hookup culture. It literally takes a man saying a few nice things, buying a few nice dinners, and they'll get laid. So in the last 15 years, the last 20 years, women have made, I'm sorry to say this, if it sounds disparaging, but the barrier to sex is almost non-existent, at least when I grew up, you had to work for it a lot more. That was the, I grew up in the 80s when I was an adult. Now, a guy doesn't have to do much, but take you out on a few dates. And because most people, especially in midlife, are so hyped up on the desire of chemistry that all it takes is a little bit of alcohol, and they jump in the bed with one another. So the why men do that, why, and they say they want relationship, because did you ever see the movie Tootsie? There's a scene where Jessica Lange says to Dustin Hoffman when he was a woman and when he was in character as a woman. God, I'd love it if just some man came to me and said, I'd like to take you a bed and ravage you. So in the next scene, Dustin Hoffman now as a man says, hey, I'd like to take you to bed and ravage you. That wasn't the line, but I'm just giving you the Cliff No version. And she slaps him across the face. See, we men know, most men know, and most men desire relationship, but we know if we say we do something called relationship talk, we'll most likely get laid. At the same time, most men do wanna feel deeply connected. It's you're swimming in a sea of human beings that are deeply wounded from their childhood or their adult traumas, and it makes them very difficult for them to, they're so afraid of love. They're so afraid of being hurt by love. They're so afraid, they're so wounded from their experiences of being shut down emotionally by their parents or even my mother who didn't intentionally do this to fuck me up emotionally. She didn't do it intentionally. It's a byproduct of her own upbringing. That's the reason why. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, folks. I think this will be a great place to wrap up tonight. I've had a lot of fun sharing this content with you. If you really wanna know how man feels, then begin a practice very early on of establishing conversations about the relationship and your feelings. But Jonathan, men won't do it. Yeah, they won't. Don't invest in those men. Invest in those men will. And guess what? You're never gonna have to worry about how he feels about you because you've chosen a man who can actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship. And that's my invitation for everyone. I'm so grateful my clients these days are finding amazing men left and right. It's raining great men and I want that same for you. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm gonna do what I always do when I end my videos to give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Gigi and McCoy and Mel and nobleness and Sue and our Facebook members and Powderpuff and Denise and Gigi already said that. Everyone, thank Kristen. Everyone, thanks so much. Have a great evening. Bye now.