 Chapter 25 Part 2 of Etiquette. Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home by Emily Post. Chapter 25. The Country House and Its Hospitality. Part 2. Guest Room Service. If a visitor brings no maid of her own, the personal maid of the hostess, if she has one, otherwise the housemaid, always unpacks the bags or trunks, lays toilet articles out on the dressing table and in the bathroom, puts folded things in the drawers, and hangs dresses on hangers in the closet. If when she unpacks, she sees that something of importance has been forgotten, she tells her mistress, or in the case of a servant who has been long employed, she knows what selection to make herself, and supplies the guest without asking, with such articles as comb and brush, or clothes brush, or bathing suit and bathrobe. The valet of the host performs the same service for men. In small establishments, where there is no ladies maid or valet, the housemaid is always taught to unpack guests' belongings and to press and hook up ladies' dresses, and gentlemen's clothes are sent to a tailor to be pressed after each wearing. In big houses, breakfast trays for women guests are usually carried to the bedroom floor by the butler. Some butlers delegate this service to a footman, and are handed to the ladies maid, who takes the tray into the room. In small houses, they are carried up by the waitress. Trays for men visitors are rare, but when ordered, are carried up and into the room by the valet or butler. If there are no men servants, the waitress has to carry up the tray. When a guest rings for breakfast, the housemaid or the valet goes into the room, opens the blinds, and in cold weather lights the fire, if there is an open one in the room. Asking whether a hot, cool, or cold bath is preferred, he goes into the bathroom, spreads a bath mat on the floor, a big bath towel over a chair, with the help of a thermometer draws the bath, and sometimes lays out the visitor's clothes. As few people care for more than one bath a day, and many people prefer their bath before dinner instead of before breakfast, this office is often performed at dinner dressing time, instead of in the morning. Tips The tip-roll in a big house seems to us rather appalling, but compared with the amounts given in a big English house, ours are mere pittances. Pleasant to think that something is less expensive in our country than in Europe. Fortunately in this country when you dine in a friend's house you do not tip the butler, nor do you tip a footman or parlor maid who takes your card to the mistress of the house, nor when you leave a country house do you have to give more than five dollars to anyone whatsoever. A lady for a weekend stay gives two or three dollars to the lady's maid, if she went without her own, and one or two dollars to everyone who waited on her. Intimate friends in a small house send tips to all the servants, perhaps only a dollar apiece, but no one is forgotten. In a very big house this is never done, and only those are tipped who have served you. If you had your maid with you you always give her a tip, about two dollars, to give the cook, often the second one, who prepared her meals and one dollar for the kitchen maid who set her table. A gentleman scarcely ever remembers any of the women's servants, to their chagrin, except a waitress, and tips only the butler and the valet, and sometimes the chauffeur. The least he can offer any of the men's servants is two dollars, and the most ever is five. No woman gets as much as that, for such short service. In a few houses the tipping system is abolished, and in every guest-room, in a conspicuous place on the dressing-table, or over the bathtub, where you are sure to read it, is a sign saying, Please do not offer tips to my servants. Their contract is with this special understanding, and proper arrangements have been made to meet it. You will not only create a situation, but cause immediate dismissal of anyone who may be persuaded by you to break this rule of the house. The notice is signed by the host. The arrangement referred to is one whereby every guest means a bonus added to their wages of so much per person per day, for all employees. This system is much preferred by servants for two reasons. First, self-respecting ones dislike the demeaning effect of a tip, and occasional few won't take them. Secondly, they can absolutely count that so many visitors will bring them precisely such an amount. Breakfast downstairs or up. Breakfast customs are as varied in this country as the topography of the land. Communities of people who have lived or travelled much abroad have nearly all adopted the continental breakfast habit of a tray in their room, especially on Sunday mornings. In other communities it is the custom to go down to the dining-room for a heavy American or English meal. In communities where the latter is the custom, and where people are used to assembling at a set hour, it is simple enough to provide a breakfast typical of the section of the country. Cornbread and kidney stew and hominy in the south. Donuts and codfish balls way down east. Kippard herring, liver and bacon, and griddle cakes elsewhere. But downstairs breakfast as a continuous performance is, from a housekeeper's point of view, a trial to say the least. However, in big houses where men refuse to eat in their rooms and equally refuse to get up until they feel like it, a dining-room breakfast is managed as follows. Continuous breakfast downstairs. The table is set with a place for all who said they were coming down. At one end is a coffee-earn, kept hot over a spirit-lamp. Milk is kept hot under a tea-cozy, or in a double-pitcher, made like a double-boiler. On the sideboard or on the table are two or three hot water-dishes, with or without spirit-lamps underneath. In one is cereal, in the other hash or creamed beef, sausage or codfish cakes, or whatever the housekeeper thinks of, that can stand for hours and still be edible. Fruit is on the table, and bread and butter and marmalade, and the cook is supposed to make fresh tea and eggs and toast for each guest, as he appears. Preparing breakfast tray. The advantage of having one's guests choose breakfast upstairs is that unless there is a separate breakfast-room, a long-delayed breakfast prevents the dining-room from being put in order or the lunch-table set. Trays, on the other hand, stand all set in the pantry and interfere much less with the dining-room work. The trays are either of the plain white pantry variety or regular breakfast ones with folding legs. On each is put a traycloth. It may be plain linen hemstitched or scalloped, or it may be much embroidered and have mosaic or filet lace. Every bedroom has a set of breakfast china to match it, but it is far better to send a complete set of blue china to a rose-coloured room than a rose set that has pieces missing. Nothing looks worse than old crockery. It is like unmatched paper and envelopes or odd shoes or a woman's skirt and waist that do not meet in the back. There is nothing unusual in a tray set. Every china and department store carries them, but only in open-stock patterns can one buy extra dishes or replace broken ones, a fact it is well to remember. There is a tall coffee pot, hot milk pitcher, a cream pitcher, and sugar-ball, a cup and saucer, two plates, an egg cup, and a covered dish. A cereal is usually put in the covered dish toast in a napkin on a plate or eggs and bacon in place of cereal. This with fruit is the most elaborate tray breakfast ever provided. Most people who breakfast in bed take only coffee or tea, an egg, toast, and possibly fruit. The courteous host. Of those elaborate ceremonials between host and guest, familiar to all readers of the Bible and all travellers in the East, only a few faint traces remain in our country and generation. It is still unforgivable to eat a man's bread and remain his enemy. It is unforgivable to criticise your host or in his presence to criticise his friends. It is unforgivable to be rude to anyone under your own roof or under the roof of a friend. If you must quarrel with your enemy, seek public or neutral ground, since quarrels and hospitality must never be mingled. The Spaniard says to his guest, All I have is yours. It is supposed to be merely a pretty speech, but in a measure it is true of every host's attitude toward his house guest. If you take someone under your roof he becomes part of and share her in your life and possessions. Your horse, your fireside, your armchair, your servants, your time, your customs, all are his. Your food is his food, your roof his shelter. You give him the best spare room, you set before him the best refreshments you can offer, and your best china and glass. His bed is made up with your best company linen and blankets. You receive your guest with a smile, no matter how inconvenient or troublesome or straining to your resources his visit may be. And on no account do you let him suspect any of this. Keeping one's guests occupied. In popular houses where visitors like to go again and again there is always a happy combination of some attention on the part of the host and hostess, and the perfect freedom of the guests to occupy their time as they choose. The host and the men staying in the house arrange among themselves to rest or play games or fish or ride or shoot clay pigeons or swim, etc. The hostess, unless at the seashore where people go bathing in the morning, generally leaves her guests to their own devices until lunchtime, though they are always offered whatever diversions the place or the neighborhood afford. They are told there is bathing, fishing, golf, and if they want to do any of these things it is arranged for them. But unless something special such as driving to a picnic or a clam-bake has been planned, or there is a tennis tournament or golf match of importance, the hostess makes her first appearance just before luncheon. This is the same as any informal family meal. If there are thirty guests it makes no difference. Sometimes there are place cards, especially if other people have been invited in. Sometimes people find places for themselves. After luncheon something is usually arranged. Perhaps those who play golf go out for their game and others who do not play go to the country club at the hour the players are supposed to be coming in so that they can all have tea together. Those who like motoring perhaps go for a drive or to a neighbor's house for a bridge or neighbors come in for tea. There is always bridge. Sometimes there is dancing. In very big houses musicians are often brought in after dinner and dancing and bridge alternate till bedtime. A house full of young people very easily look after their own amusement. As said before a big house is run very much like a country club and guests are supposed to look after themselves. Making an especial effort to entertain a guest who is to stay for a week or longer has gone out of custom in the fashionable world except for an important personage. A visit from the President of the United States for instance would necessitate the most punctiliously formal etiquette no matter how close a friend of the family he may always have been. For such a visitor a hostess would either arrange a series of entertainments or none according to her visitors inclination. A guest can look after his own comfort. The most trying thing to people of very set habits is an unusual breakfast hour. When you have the unfortunate habit of waking with the dawn and the household you are visiting has the custom of sleeping on Sunday morning, the long wait for your coffee can quite actually upset your whole day. On the other hand to be aroused at seven on the only day when you do not have to hurry to business in order to yawn through an early breakfast and then sit around and kill time is quite as trying. The guest with the early habit can in a measure prevent discomfort. He can carry in a small case, locked if necessary, a very small solidified alcohol outfit and either a small package of tea or powdered coffee, sugar, powdered milk and a few crackers. He can then start his day all by himself in the barnyard hours without disturbing anyone and in comfort to himself. Few people carry enough to fuss, but if they do, this equipment of an habitual visitor with incurably early waking hours is given as a suggestion. Or perhaps the entire guest situation may be put in one sentence. If you are an inflexible person, very set in your ways, don't visit. At least don't visit without carefully looking the situation over from every angle to be sure that the habits of the house you are going to are in accord with your own. A solitary guest is naturally much more dependent on his host, or her hostess, but on the other hand he or she is practically always a very intimate friend who merely adapts himself or herself like a chameleon to the customs and hours and diversions of the household. Don'ts for the hostess. When a guest asks to be called half an hour before breakfast, don't have him called an hour and a half before, because it takes you that long to dress, nor allow him a scant ten minutes because the shorter time is seemingly sufficient. Too often the summons on the door wakes him out of sound sleep. He tumbles exhausted out of bed into clothes and downstairs to wait perhaps an hour for breakfast. If a guest prefers to sit on the veranda and read, don't interrupt him every half page to ask if he really does not want to do something else. If, on the other hand, a guest wants to exercise, don't do everything in your power to obstruct his starting off by saying that it will surely rain or that it is too hot, or that you think it senseless to spend days that should be a rest to him in utterly exhausting himself. Don't, when you know that a young man cares little for feminine society, find tooth comb the neighborhood for the dullest or silliest young woman to be found. Don't, on the other hand, when you have an especially attractive young woman staying with you, ask a stolid middle-aged couple and an octogenarian professor for dinner, because the charm and beauty of the former is sure to appeal to the latter. Don't, because you personally happen to like a certain young girl who is utterly old-fashioned in outlook and type from ultra-modern others who are staying with you, try to bring them together. Never try to make any two people like each other, if they do they do, if they don't they don't, and that is all there is to it, but it is of vital importance to your own success as hostess to find out which is the case and collect or separate them accordingly. The casual hostess. The most casual hostess in the world is the fashionable leader in Newport, she who should by the rules of good society be the most punctilious, since no place in America or Europe is more conspicuously representative of luxury and fashion. Nowhere are there more guests or half so many hostesses, and yet hospitality, as it is understood everywhere else, is practically unknown. No one ever goes to stay in a Newport house excepting on his own, as it were. It is not an exaggerated story, but quite true, that in many houses of ultra-fashion a guest on arriving is told at which meals he is expected to appear, that is, at dinners or luncheons given by his hostess. At all others he is free to go out or stay in by himself. No effort is assumed for his amusement or responsibility for his well-being. It is small wonder that only those who have plenty of friends care to go there, or in fact are ever invited. Those who like to go to visit the most perfectly appointed but utterly impersonal house find no other visiting to compare with its unhampering delightfulness. The hostess simply says on his or her arrival, Oh, how do Freddie, or Constance, they've put you in the Chinese room, I think. Ring for tea when you want it. Struthers telephoned he'd be over around five. Mrs. Toplofty asked you to dinner tonight, and I accepted for you. Hope that was all right. If not, you'll have to telephone and get out of it yourself. I want you to dinner to-morrow night and for lunch on Sunday. Sorry to leave you, but I'm late for bridge now. Goodbye. And she is off. The Newport Hostess is, of course, an extreme type that is seldom met away from that one small watering-place in Rhode Island. The Energetic Hostess The Energetic Hostess is the antithesis of the one above and far more universally known. She is one who fusses and plans continually, who thinks her guests are not having a good time unless she rushes them, cooks tourist fashion, from this engagement to that, and crowds with activity and diversion. Never mind what, so long as it is something to see or do. Every moment of their stay. She walks them through the garden to show them all the nooks and vistas. She dilates upon the flowers that bloomed here last month and are going to bloom next. She insists upon their climbing over rocks to a summer house to see the view. She insists on taking them in another direction to see an old mill, and again everyone is trooped to the cupola of the house to see another view. She insists on everyone's playing croquet before lunch, to which she gathers in a curiously mixed collection of neighbors. Immediately after lunch everyone is driven to a country club to see some duffer golf. For some reason there is never time in all the prepared pleasures for any of her guests to play golf themselves. After twenty minutes at the golf club they are all taken to a church fair. The guests are all introduced to the ladies at the booth and those who were foolish enough to bring their purses with them from now on carry around an odd assortment of fancy work. There is another entertainment that her guests must not miss, a flower pageant of the darlingest children fourteen miles away. Everyone is dashed to that. On someones front lawn daisies and lilies and roses trip and skip. It is all sweetly pretty but the sun is hot and the guests have been on the go for a great many hours. Soon, however, their hostess leaves. Home at last, think they. Not at all. They are going somewhere for tea and French recitations. But why go on? The portrait is fairly complete, though this account covers only a few hours and there is still all the evening and tomorrow to be filled in just as liberally. The Anxious Hostess The Anxious Hostess does not insist on your ceaseless activity but she is no less persistent in filling your time. She is always asking you what you would like to do next. If you say you are quite content as you are, she nevertheless continues to shower suggestions. Shall she play the phonograph to you? Would you like her to telephone to a friend who sings too wonderfully? Would you like to look at a portfolio of pictures? If you are a moment silent, she is sure you are bored and wonders what she can do to divert you. The Perfect Hostess The Ideal Hostess must have so many perfections of sense and character that were she described in full, no one, seemingly, but a combination of seer and angel could ever hope to qualify. She must, first of all, consider the inclinations of her guests. She must not only make them as comfortable as the arrangements and limits of her establishment permit, but she must subordinate her own inclinations utterly. At the same time, she must not fuss and flutter and get agitated and seemingly make efforts in their behalf. Nothing makes a guest more uncomfortable than to feel his host or hostess is being put to a great deal of bother or effort on his account. A perfect hostess like a perfect housekeeper has seemingly nothing whatever to do with household arrangements which apparently run in oiled grooves and of their own accord. Certain rules are easy to observe once they are brought to attention. A hostess should never speak of annoyances of any kind, no matter what happens. Unless she is actually unable to stand up, she should not mention physical ills any more than mental ones. She has invited people to her house, and as long as they are under her roof, hospitality demands that their sojourn shall be made as pleasant as lies in her power. If the cook leaves, then a picnic must be made of the situation as though a picnic were the most delightful thing that could happen. Should a guest be taken ill, she must assure him that he is not giving the slightest trouble. At the same time, nothing that can be done for his comfort must be overlooked. Should she herself or someone in her family become suddenly ill, she should make as light of it as possible to her guests, even though she withdraw from them. In that event, she must ask a relative or intimate friend to come in and take her place. Nor should the deputy hostess dwell to the guests on the illness or whatever it is that has deprived them of their hostess. The guest no one invites again. The guest no one invites a second time is the one who runs a car to its detriment and a horse to a lather, who leaves a borrowed tennis racket out in the rain, who dog-ears the books, leaves a cigarette on the edge of a table and burns a trench in its edge, who uses towels for boot rags, who stands a wet glass on polished wood, who tracks muddy shoes into the house and leaves his room looking as though it had been through a cyclone. Nor are men the only offenders. Young women have been known to commit every one of these offenses and the additional one of bringing a pet dog that was not house-trained. Besides these actually destructive shortcomings, there are evidences of bad upbringing in many modern youths whose lack of consideration is scarcely less annoying. Those who are late for every meal, cheeky others who invite friends of their own to meals without the manners or the decency to ask their hostess's permission, who help themselves to a car and go off and don't come back for meals at all, and who write no letters afterwards nor even take the trouble to go up and speak to a former hostess when they see her again. On the other hand, a young person who is considerate is a delight immeasurable. Such a delight as only a hostess of much experience can perhaps appreciate. A young girl who tells where she is going, first asking if it is all right, and who finds her hostess as soon as she is in the house at night to report that she is back, is one who very surely will be asked again and often. A young man is, of course, much freer, but a similar deference to the plans of his hostess and to the hours and customs of the house will result in repeated invitations for him also. The lack of these things is not only bad form, but want of common civility and decency and reflects not only on the girls and boys themselves, but on their parents, who fail to bring them up properly. The considerate guest. Courtesy demands that you, when you are a guest, shall show neither annoyance nor disappointment, no matter what happens. Before you can hope to become even a passable guest, let alone a perfect one, you must learn, as it were, not to notice if hot soup is poured down your back. If you neither understand nor care for dogs or children and both insist on climbing all over you, you must seemingly like it, just as you must be amiable and polite to your fellow guests, even though they be of all the people on earth the most detestable to you. You must, with the very best dissimulation at your command, appear to find the food delicious, though they offer you all of the vians that are especially distasteful to your palate or antagonistic to your digestion. You must disguise your hatred of red ants and scrambled food if everyone else is bent on a picnic. You must pretend that six is a perfect dinner hour, though you never dine before eight, or on the contrary, you must wait until eight-thirty or nine with stoical fortitude, though your dinner hour is six, and by seven your chest seems securely pinned to your spine. If you go for a drive and it pours and there is no top to the carriage or car and you are soaked to the skin and chilled to the marrow so that your teeth chatter, your lips must smile and you must appear to enjoy the refreshing coolness. If you go to stay in a small house in the country and they give you a bed full of lumps in a room of mosquitoes and flies in a chamber over that of a crying baby under the eaves with a temperature of over a hundred, you can, the next morning, walk to the village and send yourself a telegram and leave. But though you feel starved, exhausted, wilted and are mosquito-bitten until you resemble a well-developed case of chickenpox or measles, by not so much as a facial muscle must you let the family know that your comfort lacked anything, that your happiest imagination could picture, nor must you confide in anyone afterwards, having broken bread in the house, how desperately wretched you were. If you know anyone who is always in demand, not only for dinners, but for trips on private cars and yachts and long visits in country houses, you may be very sure of one thing. The popular person is, first of all, unselfish or else extremely gifted, very often both. The perfect guest not only tries to wear becoming clothes, but tries to put on an equally becoming mental attitude. No one is ever asked out very much who is in the habit of telling people all the misfortunes and ailments she has experienced or witnessed, though the perfect guest listens with apparent sympathy to everyone else's. Another attribute of the perfect guest is never to keep people waiting. She is always ready for anything or nothing. If a plan is made to picnic, she likes picnics above everything and proves her liking by enthusiastically making the sandwiches or the salad dressing or whatever she thinks she makes best. If, on the other hand, no one seems to want to do anything, the perfect guest has always a book she is absorbed in or a piece of sewing she is engrossed with or else, beyond everything, she would love to sit in an easy chair and do nothing. She never for one moment thinks of herself but of the other people she is thrown with. She is a person of sympathy always and instantaneous discernment. She is good-tempered no matter what happens and makes the most of everything as it comes. At games she is a good loser and a quiet winner. She has a pleasant word, an amusing story and agreeable comment for most occasions but she is neither gushing nor fulsome. She has merely acquired a habit born of many years of arduous practice of turning everything that looks like a dark cloud as quickly as possible for the glimmer of a silver lining. She is as sympathetic to children as to older people. She cuts out wonderful paper dolls and soldier hats always leisurely and easily as though it costs neither time nor effort. She knows a hundred stories or games. Every baby and every dog goes to her on site, not because she has any a special talent, except that one she has cultivated, the talent of interest in everyone and everything except herself. Few people know that there is such a talent or that it can be cultivated. She has more than mere beauty, she has infinite charm and she is so well-born that she is charming to everyone. Her manner to a duke who happens to be staying in the house is not a bit more courteous than her manner to the kitchen maid whom she chances to meet in the kitchen gardens or whether she has gone with the children to see the new kittens as though new kittens were the apex of all delectability. She always calls the servants by name, always says, how do you do when she arrives? Good morning, while there and goodbye when she leaves and do they presume because of her familiarity when she remembers to ask after the parlour maid's mother and the butler's baby they wait on her as they wait on no one else who comes to the house neither the senator nor the governor nor his grace of over there the ideal guest is an equally ideal hostess the principle of both is the same a ready smile, a quick sympathy, a happy outlook consideration for others tenderness toward everything that is young or helpless and forgetfulness of self which is not far from the ideal of womankind the guest on a private car or yacht the sole difference between being a guest at a country house and a guest on a private car or a yacht is that you put to a very severe test your adaptability as a traveller you live in very close quarters with your host and hostess and fellow guests and must therefore be particularly on your guard against being selfish or out of humour if you are on shore and don't feel well you can stay home but off on a cruise if you are ill you have to make the best of it and a seasick person's best is very bad indeed therefore let it be hoped you are a good sailor if not think very very carefully before you embark End of Chapter 25 Part 2 Read by Kara Schallenberg www.kra.org on April 16th 2007 in Oceanside California Etiquette Chapter 26 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Kara Schallenberg Etiquette in Society in Business in Politics and at Home by Emily Post Chapter 26 The House Party in Camp Roughing it in the fashionable world on the Atlantic coast is rather suggestive of the dairymaid playing of Marie Antoinette the rough part being mostly picturesque effect with little taste of actual discomfort often of course the roughing it is real especially west of the Mississippi and sometimes in the east too so real that it has no place in a book of Etiquette at all In the following picture of a fashionable camping party it should perhaps be added that not only the world leaves but most of the women really think they are roughing it at the same time there is nothing that a genuine dependent upon luxury resents more than to be told he is dependent it is he who has but newly learned the comforts of living who protests his inability to endure discomfort the very same people therefore who went a short time before to great estates women who arrived with their maids and luggage containing personal equipment of amazing perfection and unlimited quantity to say nothing of jewels worth a king's ransom and men who usually travel with their own man servants and every variety of raiment and paraphernalia on being invited to rough it with the kind hearts at mountain summit camp are the very ones who most promptly and enthusiastically telegraph their delighted acceptance at a certain party a few years ago the only person who declined was a young woman of so little position that she was quite offended that Mrs. Kindhart should suppose her able to endure discomfort such as her invitation implied this year the world leaves the Normans the love joys the Bobo gildings the little houses constant style Jim smartlington and his bride club window and young struthers make up the party no one declined not even the world leaves though there is a fly in the amber of their perfect satisfaction Mrs. Kindhart wrote not to bring a maid Mrs. Worldly is very much disturbed because she cannot do her hair herself Mr. Worldly is even more perturbed at the thought of going without his valid he has never in the 20 years since he left college been 24 hours away from Ernest he knows perfectly well that Ernest is not expected but he means to take him he will say nothing about it he can surely find a place for Ernest to stay somewhere the other men all look upon a holiday away from formality which includes valeting as a relief like the opening of a window in a stuffy room and none of the women except Mrs. Worldly would take her maid if she could the clothes they take the men all rummage in attics and trunk rooms for those disreputable looking articles of wearing apparel dear to all sportsmen oil soaked boots water soaked and sun bleached woolen corduroy leather or canvas garments and hats each looking too shabby from their wives or valet's point of view to be offered to a tramp every evening is spent in cleaning guns rummaging for unprepossessing treasures of shooting and fishing equipment the women also give thought to their wardrobes consisting chiefly in a process of elimination nothing perishable nothing requiring a maid's help to get into or to take care of golf clothes are a first choice and any other old country clothes skirts and sweaters and lots of plain shirt wastes to go under the sweaters an old polo coat and a macintosh is chosen by each and for evenings something comfortable and easy to put on in the way of a house gown or ordinary summer daydress one or two decide to take tea gowns in dark color and plainest variety all the women who sew or knit take something to work on in unoccupied moments such as the hours of silent sitting in a canoe while husband's fish finally the day arrives everyone meets at the railroad station they are all as smart looking as can be there is no sign of rough clothes anywhere though nothing in the least like a jewel case or parasol is to be seen at the end of somewhere between 8 and 18 hours they arrive at a shed which sits on the edge of the single track and is labeled Dustville Junction and hurrying down the narrow platform is their host except that his face is clean shaven and his manner is perfect he might be taken for a tramp three far from smart looking teams two buckboards and an express wagon are standing nearby kind heart welcomes everyone with enthusiasm except the now emerging Ernest for once kind heart is non-plussed and he says to warly this isn't Newport you know of course we can give him a bed somewhere but this is really no place for Ernest and there's nothing for him to do worldly for the moment at a loss explains lamely I thought he might be useful if you could find some corner for him tonight then we can see that's all right isn't it kind heart as host can't say anything further except to agree everyone is bundled into the buckboards except Ernest who goes on top of the luggage in the express wagon and a corduroy drive of six or eight miles begins what the camp is like summit camp is a collection of wooden shacks like a group of packing cases dumped in a clearing among the pine trees at the edge of a mountain lake those who have never been there before feel some misgivings those who have been there before remember with surprise that they had liked the place the men alone are filled with enthusiasm the only person who is thoroughly apprehensive of the immediate future is Ernest in front of the largest of the shacks Mrs Kindheart surrounded by dogs and children waves and hurries forward beaming her enthusiasm is contagious the children look blooming that the hardship is not hurting them is evident and when the guests have seen the inside of the camps most of them are actually as pleased as they look the biggest shack is a living room the one nearest is the dining camp four or five smaller ones are sleeping camps for guests and another is the Kindheart's own the living camp is nothing but a single room about 30 feet wide and 40 long with an open raftered roof for ceiling it has windows on four sides and a big porch built on the southeast corner there is an enormous open fireplace and a floor good enough to dance on the woodwork is of rough lumber and has a single coat of leaf green paint the shelves between the uprights are filled with books all the new novels and magazines are spread out on a long table the room is furnished with Navajo blankets wicker furniture, steamer chairs and hammocks are hung across two of the corners two long divan sofas on either side of the fireplace are the only upholstered pieces of furniture in the whole camp the guest camps are separate shacks each one set back on a platform leaving a porch in front inside they vary in size most have two, some have four rooms but each is merely one pointed roofed space the front part has a fireplace and is furnished as a sitting room the rear half is partitioned into two or more cubicles like box stalls with partitions about eight feet high and having regular doors in each of the single rooms there is a bed, bureau, wash stand, chair and two shelves about six or seven feet high with a calico curtain nailed to the top one and hanging to the floor making a hat shelf and clothes closet the few double rooms are twice the size and have all furniture in duplicate there is also a matting or a rag rug on the floor and that is all each cottage has a bathroom but the hot water supply seems complicated the sign says your guide will bring it to you when needed Mrs. Worldly feeling vaguely uncomfortable and hungry is firmly determined to go home on the next morning train before she has had much time to reflect Mrs. Kindheart reports that lunch is nearly ready guides come with canisters of hot water and everyone goes to dress town clothes disappear and woods clothes emerge this by no means makes a dowdy picture good sport clothes never look so well or becoming as when long use has given them an accustomed set characteristic of their wearer the men put on their oldest country clothes too not their fishing treasures to sit at table with ladies the treasured articles go on in the early dawn and the guides are the only humans except themselves supposed worthy to behold them presently a gong is sounded the kind heart children run into the guest houses to call out that the gong means dinner is ready and dinner means lunch dining room details in a short while the very group of people who only ten days before were being shown to their places in the Worldly's own tapestry hung marble dining room at great estates by a dozen foot men in satin knee breeches file into the dining camp and take their places at a long pine table painted turkey red on ordinary wooden kitchen chairs also red the floral decoration is of laurel leaves in vases made of preserved jars covered with birch bark glass and china is of the cheapest but there are a long centerpiece of hemstitched crash and crashed oilies and there are real napkins and at each plate a birch bark napkin ring with a number on it Mrs. Worldly looks at her napkin ring as a gift one or two of the others who have not been there before look mildly surprised Mrs. Kindheart smiles I'm sorry but I told you it was roughing it anyone who prefers innumerable paper napkins to using a washed one twice is welcome but one napkin a day a piece is camp rule Mrs. Worldly tries to look amiable all the rest succeed the food is limited in variety but delicious food is made from the lake and venison steak both well cooked in every way that can be devised appear at every meal all other supplies come in hampers from the city the head cook is the Kindheart's own and so is the butler with one of the chauffeurs went home to help him wait on table they wear liveries evolved by Mrs. Kindheart of gray flannel trousers green flannel blazers very light gray flannel shirts this since there are only two to wait on 20 including the children is necessarily somewhat farmer style ice, tea, rolls, butter marmalade, cake, fruit are all on the table so that people may help themselves the amusements offered after luncheon Kindheart points out a dozen guides who are waiting at the boat house to take anyone who wants to be paddled or to sail or to go out into the woods there is a small swimming pool which can be warmed artificially those who like it cold swim in the lake all the men disappear in groups or singly with a guide the women go with their husbands or two together with a guide should any not want to go out she can take to one of the hammocks or a divan in the living room and a book at first sight this hospitality seems inadequate but its discomfort is one of outward appearance only the food is abundant and delicious whether cooked in the house or by the guides in the woods the beds are comfortable there are plenty of warm and good quality though not white blankets sheets are flannel or cotton as preferred pillowcases are linen towels of the bath variety because washing can be done by natives nearby but ironing is difficult let no one however think that this is a simple by that meaning either easy or intensive form of entertainment imagine the budget a dozen guides, teams and drivers natives to wash and clean and to help the cook food for two or three dozen people sent hundreds of miles by express it is true that the buildings are of the most primitive and the furnishings too the bureau drawers do stick and there is only curtain closet room and mirrors are few and diminutive and orders for hot water except bathing in the cold the huge fire lighted early every morning by one of the guides in each guest house keeps the main part fairly warm but the temperature of one of the bathrooms on a cold morning is scarcely welcoming camp manners people do not dress for dinner that is, not in evening clothes after coming in from walking or shooting or fishing if it is warm they swim in the pool or have their guides bring them hot water for a bath women change into house gowns of some sort men put on flannel trousers soft shirts and flannel or surge sack coats in the evening if it is a beautiful night everyone sits on steamer chairs wrapped in rugs around the big fire built out doors in front of a sort of penthouse or wind break if it is stormy they sit in front of a fire almost as big in the living room they eat popcorn or roast chestnuts or perhaps make taffy perhaps someone tells a story or someone plays and everyone sings perhaps one who has parlor tricks amuses the others but as a rule those who have been all day in the open are tired and drowsy and want nothing but to stretch out for a while in front of the big fire and then turn in the etiquette of this sort of a party is so apparently lacking that it is merely as a picture of a phase of fashionable life that is not much exploited and to show that well bred people never deteriorate in manner their behavior is precisely the same whether at great estates or in camp a gentleman may be in his shirt sleeves actually but he never gets into shirt sleeves mentally he has no inclination to to be sure on the particular party described above as a cap in the evening as well as the daytime she said it was because it was so warm and comfortable it was really because she could not do her hair perhaps someone asks about Ernest at the end of two days of aloof and distasteful idleness Ernest became quite a human being invaluable as baiter of worms for the children's fish hooks as extra butler and did not score an even temporary experiments as kitchen made he proved the half-hearted recommendation that he might be useful so thoroughly that the first person of all to be especially invited for next year and future years was exactly Ernest end of chapter 26 of etiquette read by Kara Schellenberg on April 29, 2007 in Oceanside, California Chapter 27 Part 1 of etiquette this is a LibriVox recording and all the links are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this reading by Kara Schellenberg etiquette in society, in business, in politics and at home by Emily Post Chapter 27 Part 1 notes and shorter letters in writing notes or letters as in all other forms of social observance the highest achievement is in giving the appearance of simplicity naturalness and force those who use long periods of flowered prolixity and pretentious phrases who write in complicated form with meaningless flourishes do not make an impression of elegance and erudition upon their readers but flaunt instead unmistakable evidence of vain glory and ignorance the letter you write is always a mirror which reflects your appearance, taste and character a sloppy letter with the writing all pouring into one corner of the page badly worded, badly spelled and with unmatched paper and envelope even possibly a blot proclaims the sort of person who would have unkempt hair unclean linen and broken shoelaces just as a neat, precise evenly written note portrays a person of like characteristics therefore while it cannot be said with literal accuracy that one may read the future of a person by study of his handwriting it is true that if a young man wishes to choose a wife in whose daily life he is sure always to find the unfinished task the untidy mind and the syncopated housekeeping he may do it quite simply by selecting her from her letters some people are fortunate in being able easily to make graceful letters to space their words evenly and to put them on a page so that the picture is pleasing others are discouraged at the outset because their fingers are clumsy and their efforts crude but no matter how badly formed each individual letter may be if the writing is consistent throughout the page as a whole looks fairly well you can make yourself write neatly and legibly you can with the help of a dictionary if necessary spell correctly you can be sure that you understand the meaning of every word you use if it is hard for you to write in a straight line use the lined guide that comes with nearly all stationery if impossible to keep an even margin draw a perpendicular line at the left of the guide so that you can start you can also make a guide to slip under the envelope far better to use a guide than to send envelopes and pages of writing that slide uphill and down in uncontrolled disorder and here is an illustration of two such guides an illustration of a piece of paper with heavy lines running horizontally and one vertically for the margin and an envelope shaped guide with horizontal lines and a paper suitability should be considered in choosing note paper as well as in choosing a piece of furniture for a house for a handwriting which is habitually large a larger sized paper should be chosen than for writing which is small the shape of paper should also depend somewhat upon the spacing of the lines which is typical of the writer and whether a wide or narrow margin is used low spread out writing with a sheet of paper tall pointed writing looks better on paper that is high and narrow selection of paper whether rough or smooth is entirely a matter of personal choice so that the quality be good and the shape and color conservative paper should never be ruled or highly scented or odd in shape or have elaborate or striking ornamentation smaller paper for notes or correspondence cards cut to the size of the envelopes others use the same size for all correspondence and leave a wider margin in writing notes the flap of the envelope should be plain and the point not unduly long if the flap is square instead of being pointed it may be allowed greater length without being eccentric colored linings to envelopes thin white paper with monogram or address stamped in gray to match gray tissue lining of the envelope is for instance in very best taste young girls may be allowed quite gay envelope linings but the device on the paper must be minute in proportion to the gaiety of the color here are five illustrations of envelopes showing the back of the envelope where the flap sticks down to a good taste they have even proportions the flap of the envelope ends a little more than half way down the back of the envelope except for the squared off flap which ends lower of the two which are in bad taste one has an unevenly shaped flap and the other has a point that extends all the way down to the bottom of the envelope writing paper for a man should always be strictly conservative plain white stamped in the simplest manner the size should be five and three quarter inches by seven and a half inches or six by eight or five and one eighth inches by eight and one eighth inches or thereabouts a paper suitable for the use of all the members of a family has the address stamped in black or dark color in plain letters at the top of the first page more often than not the telephone number of the address a great convenience in the present day of telephoning for example 350 park avenue telephone 7572 plaza devices for stamping as there is no such thing as heraldry in America the use of a coat of arms is as much a foreign custom as the speaking of a foreign tongue but in certain communities where old families have a device and their right to it from Europe the use of it is suitable and proper the sight of this or that crest on a carriage or automobile in New York or Boston announces to all those who have lived their lives in either city that the vehicle belongs to a member of this or that family but for someone without an inherited right to select a lion rampant or a stag cushion it looks stylish is as though for the same reason he changed his name from Muggins to Marmaduke and quite properly subject him to ridicule strictly speaking a woman has the right to use a lozenge only since in heraldic days women did not bear arms but no one in this country follows heraldic rule to this extent the personal device it is occasionally for women and girls to adopt some special symbol associated with themselves the butterfly of whistler for instance is as well known as his name a painter of marines has the small outline of a ship stamped on his writing paper and a New York architect the capital of an ionic column a generation ago young women used to fancy such an intriguing symbol as a mask for their own names if their names were such as could be pictured there can be no objection to one's appropriation of an emblem if one fancies it but Lily, Belle, Dolly and Kitten are Lillian, Isabelle, Dorothy and Catherine in these days and appropriate hallmarks are not easily found country house stationary for a big house in selecting paper for a country house we go back to the subject of suitability a big house in important grounds should have very plain very dignified letter paper it may be white or tinted blue or gray the name of the place should be engraved in the center usually at the top of the first page it may be placed left or right as preferred slanting across the upper corners at the upper left side may be put as many addresses as necessary many persons use a whole row of small devices in outline the engine of a train and beside it, Ardmore meaning that Ardmore is the railroad station a telegraph pole an envelope a telephone instrument and beside each an address these devices are suitable for all places whether they are great or tiny that have different addresses telephone or telegraph then an illustration of a train engine with Sterlington, New York then telegraph poles and envelopes Ringwood, New Jersey then a little telephone Slotsburg, 732 for the little house on the other hand farmhouses and little places in the country may have very bright colored stamping as well as gay-lined envelopes places with easily illustrated names quite often have them pictured the birdcage, for instance may have a bright blue paper with a birdcage in supposed red lacquer the band box a fantastically decorated milliner's box on oyster gray paper the envelope lining of black and gray pinstripes and the doll's house might use the outline of a doll's house in grass green green bordered white paper and white envelopes lined with grass green each of these devices must be as small as the outline of a cherry pit and the paper of the smallest size that comes envelopes three and a half by five inches or paper four by six and envelopes the same size to hold paper without folding then an illustration of these three devices the birdcage, the band box and the doll house a foolish perhaps to give the description of such papers for their fashion is but of the moment a jeweler from Paris has been responsible for their present vogue in New York and his clientele is only among the young and smart older and more conservative women and of course all men keep to the plain fashion of yesterday which will just as surely be the fashion of tomorrow mourning paper persons who are in mourning use black edged visiting cards letter paper and envelopes the depth of black corresponds with the depth of mourning and the closeness of relation to the one who has gone the width decreasing as one's mourning lightens the width of black to use is a matter of personal taste and feeling a very heavy border from three eighths to seven sixteenths of an inch announces the deepest retirement dating a letter usually the date is put at the upper right hand of the first page of a letter or at the end and to the left of the signature of a note it is far less confusing for one's correspondent to read January 9 1920 then 1920 theoretically one should write out the date in full the ninth of January 1921 that however is the height of pedantry and an unswallowable mouthful at the top of any page not a document at the end of a note Thursday is sufficient unless the note is an invitation for more than a week ahead in which case write as in a letter January 9 or the ninth of January the year is not necessary since it can hardly be supposed to take a year for a letter's transportation sequence of pages if a note is longer than one page the third page is usually next as this leaves the fourth blank and prevents the writing from showing through the envelope with heavy or tissue-lined envelopes the fourth is used as often as the third in letters one may write first, second, third, fourth in regular order or first and fourth then opening the sheet and writing it sideways write across the two inside pages as one many prefer to write on first, third then sideways across second and fourth in certain cities Boston for instance the last word on a page is repeated at the top of the next it is undoubtedly a good idea but makes a stuttering impression upon one not accustomed to it folding a note as to whether a letter is folded in such a way that the recipient shall read the contents without having to turn the paper is giving too much importance to nothing it is sufficient if the paper is folded neatly once of course for the envelope that is half the length of the paper and twice for the envelope that is a third sealing wax if you use sealing wax let us hope you are an adept at making an even and smoothly finished seal choose a plain colored wax rather than one speckled with metal with the sort of paper described for country houses or for young people or those living in studios or bungalows gay sealing wax may be quite alluring especially if it can be persuaded to pour smoothly like liquid and not to look like a streaked and broken off slice of dough in days when envelopes were unknown all letters had to be sealed hence when envelopes were made the idea obtained that it was improper to use both gum Arabic and wax strictly speaking this may be true but since all envelopes have mucilage it would be unreasonable to demand that those who like to use sealing wax have their envelopes made to order form of address the most formal beginning of a social letter is my dear mrs smith the fact that in England dear mrs smith is more formal does not greatly concern us in America dear mrs smith dear sarah dear sally sally dear dearest sally darling sally are increasingly intimate business letters begin smith johnson and company 20 broadway new york dear sirs or if more personal 20 broadway new york my dear mrs smith end of chapter 27 part 1 of etiquette read by Kara Schellenberg on April 26th, 2007 in Oceanside California chapter 27 part 2 of etiquette this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this reading by Kara Schellenberg etiquette in society in business in politics and at home by Emily Post chapter 27 notes and shorter letters part 2 the complimentary clothes the clothes of a business letter should be yours truly or yours very truly respectfully is used only by a tradesman to a customer an employee to an employer or by an inferior never by a person of equal position no lady should ever sign a letter respectfully not even were she writing to a queen if an American lady should have occasion to write to a queen she should conclude her letter I have the honor to remain madam your most obedient for address and close of letters to persons of title see table at the end of this chapter close of personal notes and letters it is too bad that the English language does not permit the charming and graceful closing of all letters in the French manner those little flowers of compliment that leave such a pleasant fragrance after reading but ever since the 18th century the English speaking have been busy pruning away all ornament of expression remaining graces kindest regards with kindest remembrances are fast disappearing leaving us nothing but an abrupt yours truly or sincerely yours closing a formal note the best ending to a formal social note is sincerely sincerely yours very sincerely very sincerely yours yours always sincerely yours always sincerely yours I remain dear madam is no longer in use but believe me is still correct when formality is to be expressed in the close of a note believe me very sincerely yours or believe me my dear Mrs. worldly most sincerely yours this last is an English form but it is used by quite a number of Americans and certainly those who have been much abroad appropriate for a man faithfully or faithfully yours is a very good signature for a man in writing to a woman or in any un-commercial correspondence such as a letter to the president of the United States a member of the cabinet an ambassador a clergyman etc the intimate closing affectionately yours affectionately devotedly lovingly your loving are in increasing scale of intimacy lovingly is much more intimate than affectionately and so is devotedly sincerely in formal notes and affectionately in intimate notes are the two adverbs most used in the present day and between these two there is a blank in English we have no expression to fit sentiment more friendly than the first nor one less intimate than the second not good form cordially was coined no doubt to fill this need but its self-consciousness puts it in the category with residence and retire and all the other offenses of pretentiousness and in New York at least it is not used by people of taste warmly yours is unspeakable yours in haste is not bad form but is rather carelessly rude in a tearing hurry is a termination dear to the boarding school girl but its truth does not make it any more attractive than the vision of that same young girl rushing into a room with her hat and coat half on to swoop upon her mother with a peck of a kiss and with a turmoil and flurry may be characteristic of the manners of today are far from the ideal of beautiful manners which should be as assured as smooth as controlled as the running of a high grade automobile flea like motions are no better suited to manners than to motors other endings gratefully is used only when a benefit has been received as to a lawyer who has skillfully handled a case to a surgeon who has saved a life dear to you to a friend who has been put to unusual trouble to do you a favor in an ordinary letter of thanks the signature is sincerely affectionately devotedly as the case may be the phrases that a man might devise to close a letter to his betrothed or his wife are bound only by the limit of his imagination and do not belong in this or any book the signature abroad the higher the rank or the name a duke for instance signs himself Marlboro nothing else and a queen her first name Victoria the social world in Europe therefore laughs at us for using our whole names or worse yet inserting meaningless initials in our signatures etiquette in accord with Europe also objects strenuously to initials written in full but only very correct people strictly observe this rule in Europe all persons have so many names given them in baptism that they are forced naturally to lay most of them aside selecting one or at most two for use in America the names bestowed at baptism become inseparably part of each individual so that if the name is over long a string of initials in America it is not customary for a man to discard any of his names and John Hunter Titherington Smith is far too much of a penful for the one who signs thousands of letters and documents it is small wonder that he chooses J.H.T. Smith instead or perhaps at the end of personal letters John H.T. Smith why shouldn't he it is after all his own name to sign as he chooses passing him deference to his choice should be shown a married woman should always sign a letter to a stranger a bank, business firm, etc with her baptismal name and ad in parenthesis her married name thus very truly yours Sarah Robinson Smith Mrs. J.H. Titherington Smith never under any circumstances sign a letter or miss except a note written in the third person if in the example above Sarah Robinson Smith or miss she would put miss in parenthesis to the left of her signature miss Sarah Robinson Smith the superscription formal invitations are always addressed to Mr. Stanley Smith all other personal letters to Stanley Smith Esquire the title of Esquire formerly was used to denote the eldest son of a knight or members of a younger branch of a noble house later all graduates of universities professional and literary men and important land holders were given the right to this title which even today denotes a man of education a gentleman John Smith Esquire is John Smith Gentlemen not be one and yet as noted above all engraved invitations are addressed Mr. never under any circumstances address a social letter or note to a married woman even if she is a widow as Mrs. Mary Town a widow is still Mrs. James Town if her son's wife should have the same name she becomes Mrs. James Town Sr or simply Mrs. Town a divorced woman if she was the innocent person retains the right if she chooses to call herself Mrs. John Brown Smith but usually she prefers to take her own surname supposing her to have been Mary Simpson she calls herself Mrs. Simpson Smith if a lady is the wife or widow of the head of a family she may call herself Mrs. Smith even on visiting cards to find invitations the eldest daughter is Miss Smith her younger sister Miss Jane Smith invitations to children are addressed Miss Catherine Smith and Master Robert Smith do not write the Messers Brown in addressing a father and son the Messers Brown is correct only for unmarried brothers although one occasionally sees an envelope addressed to Mrs. Jones and Miss Jones written underneath the names of her parents it is better form to send a separate invitation addressed to Miss Jones alone a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family is not in good taste even if the Jones children are young the Mrs. Jones should receive a separate envelope and so should Master Jones one last remark write the name and address on the envelope as precisely and as legibly as you can the post office has enough to do in deciphering the letters of the literate without being asked to do unnecessary work for you business letters business letters written by a private individual differ very little from those sent out from a business house a lady never says yours of the sixth received and contents noted yours to hand nor does she address the firm as gentlemen nor does she ever sign herself respectfully a business letter should be as brief and explicit as possible for example Tuxedo Park New York May 17, 1922 Eye Paint and Company 22 Branch Street, New York Dear Sirs Your estimate for painting my dining room, library, south bedroom and dressing room is satisfactory and you may proceed with the work as soon as possible I find on the other hand that Wayne scutting the hall comes to more than I had anticipated and I have decided to leave it as it is for the present very truly yours C. R. Town Mrs. Jamestown the social note there should be no more difficulty than in writing a business letter each has a specific message for its sole object and the principle of construction is the same date address on business letter only salutation the statement of whatever is the purpose of the note complimentary clothes signature or date here the difference in form between a business and a social note is that the full name and address of the person written to is never put in the letter better quality stationery is used and the salutation is my dear or dear instead of dear sir example 350 Park Avenue Dear Mrs. Robinson I am enclosing the list I promised you Louberge makes the most beautiful things Louber, the dressmaker, has for years made clothes for me and I think revaux the best milliner in Paris Leonie is a little milliner who often has pretty blouses as well as hats and is very reasonable I do hope the addresses will be of some use to you and that you will have a delightful trip very sincerely Martha Kindhart Thursday the note of apology number one broad lawns Dear Mrs. Town I do deeply apologize for my seeming rudeness in having to send the message about Monday night when I accepted your invitation I stupidly forgot entirely that Monday was a holiday and that all of my own guests naturally were not leaving until Tuesday morning and Arthur and I could not therefore go out by ourselves and leave them you are too disappointed and hope that you know how sorry we were not to be with you very sincerely Ethel Norman Tuesday morning two Dear Mrs. Neighbor my gardener has just told me that our chickens got into your flower beds and did a great deal of damage the chicken netting is being built higher at this moment and they will not be able to damage anything again I shall of course send Patrick to put in shrubs to replace those broken although I know that one's newly planted cannot compensate for those you have lost and I can only ask you to accept my contrite apologies always sincerely yours Catherine De Puster Eminent End of Chapter 27 Part 2 of Etiquette Read by Kara Schellenberg on April 27, 2007 in Oceanside, California Chapter 27 Part 3 of Etiquette This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Kara Schellenberg Etiquette in Society, in Business in Politics and at Home by Emily Post Chapter 27 Notes and Shorter Letters Part 3 Letters of Thanks In the following examples of letters intimate and from young persons such profuse expressions as divine, awfully, petrified, too sweet, too wonderful are purposely inserted because to change all of the above enthusiasm into pleased with very feared, most kind would be to change the vitality of the real letters into smug and self-conscious utterances at variance with anything ever written by young men and women of today Even the letters of older persons although they are more restrained than those of youth avoid anything suggesting pedantry and affectation Do not from this suppose that well-bred people write badly On the contrary, perfect simplicity and freedom from self-consciousness are possible only to those who have acquired at least some degree of cultivation For flagrant examples of pretentiousness which is the infallible sign of lack of breeding See Chapter 8 For simplicity of expression such as is unattainable to the rest of us but which we can at least strive to emulate read first the Bible then at random one might suggest such authors as Robert Louis Stevenson E. S. Martin Thomas Repeliere John Galsworthy and Max Baerbaum E. V. Lucas has written two novels in letter form which illustrate the best type of present-day letter writing Letters of thanks for wedding presents Although all wedding presents belong to the bride she generally words her letters of thanks as though they belong dequally to the groom especially if they have been sent by particular friends of his two intimate friends of the groom Dear Mrs. Norman to think of your sending us all this wonderful glass it is simply divine and Jim and I both thank you a thousand times the presents are of course to be shown on the day of the wedding but do come in on Tuesday at tea time for an earlier view thanking you again and with love from us both affectionately marry Mr. Gilding Dear Mrs. Gilding it was more than sweet of you and Mr. Gilding to send us such a lovely clock thank you very very much looking forward to seeing you on the tenth very sincerely Mary Smith sometimes as in the two examples above thanks to the husband are definitely expressed in writing to the wife usually however you is understood to mean you both example two Dear Mrs. Worldly all my life I have wanted a piece of jade but in my wanting I have never imagined one quite so beautiful as the one you have sent me it was wonderfully sweet of you and I thank you more than I can tell you for the pleasure you have given me affectionately Mary Smith example three Dear Mrs. Eminent thank you for these wonderful prints so beautifully with some old English ones that Jim's uncle sent us and our dining room will be quite perfect as to walls hoping that you are surely coming to the wedding very sincerely Mary Smith to a friend who is in deep mourning Dear Susan with all you have on your heart just now it was so sweet and thoughtful of you to go out and buy me a present and such a beautiful one I love it and your thought of me in sending it then I can tell you devotedly Mary very intimate Dear Aunt Kate really you are too generous it is outrageous of you but of course it is the most beautiful bracelet and I am so excited over it I hardly know what I am doing you are too good to me and you spoil me but I do love you and it and thank you with all my heart Mary intimate the wedding cloth is perfectly exquisite I have never seen such beautiful work I appreciate your lovely gift more than I can tell you both for its own sake and for your kindness in making it for me don't forget you are coming in on Tuesday afternoon to see the presents lovingly Mary sometimes pushing people send presents when they are not asked to the wedding in the hope of an invitation presents when they are not asked merely through kindly feeling toward a young couple on the threshold of life it ought not to be difficult to distinguish between the two example one my dear Mrs. Upstart thank you for the very hand some candlesticks you sent us they were a great surprise but it was more than kind of you to think of us very sincerely Mary Smith example two dear Mrs. Kindly I can't tell you how sweet I think it of you to send us such a lovely present and Jim and I both hope that when we are in our own home you will see them often at our table thanking you many times for your thought of us very sincerely Mary Smith for a present sent after the wedding dear Mrs. Chatterton the mirror you sent us is going over our drawing room mantel just as soon as we can hang it up it is exactly what we most needed and we both thank you ever so much please come in soon to see how becoming it will be to the room yours affectionately Mary Smith smartlington thanks for Christmas or other presents dear Lucy I really think it was adorable of you to have a chair like yours made for me it was worth adding a year to my age for such a nice birthday present Jack says I would have a chance to sit in it however if he gets there first and even the children look at it with longing at all events I am perfectly enchanted with it and thank you ever and ever so much affectionately Sally dear Uncle Arthur I know I oughtn't to have opened it until Christmas but I couldn't resist the look of the package and then putting it on at once so I am all dressed up in your beautiful chain it is one of the loveliest things and I certainly am lucky to have it given to me thank you a thousand and then more times for it Rosalie dear Kate I am fascinated with my utility box it is too beguiling for words you are the cleverest one anyway for finding what no one else can and everyone wants I don't know how you do it and you certainly were sweet to think of me thank you dear Ethel I am present to a baby dear Mrs. Kindheart of course it would be because no one else can sew like you the sack you made the baby is the prettiest thing I have ever seen and is perfectly adorable on her thank you as usual you dear Mrs. Kindheart for your goodness too your affectionate Sally dear Mrs. Norman thank you ever so much for the lovely Afghan you sent the baby and close he doesn't get his fingers tangled in it do come in and see him won't you we are both allowed visitors a special ones every day between four and five thirty affectionately always Lucy the bread and butter letter when you have been staying over Sunday or for longer in someone's house it is absolutely necessary that you write a letter of thanks to your hostess days after the visit bread and butter letters as they are called are the stumbling blocks of visitors why they are so difficult for nearly everyone is hard to determine unless it is that they are often written to persons with whom you are on formal terms and the letter should be somewhat informal in tone very likely you have been visiting a friend and must write to her mother whom you scarcely know perhaps you have been included in another formal house party and the hostess is an acquaintance rather than a friend or perhaps you are a bride and have been on a first visit to relatives or old friends of your husbands but strangers until now to you as an example of the first where you have been visiting a girlfriend and must write a letter to her mother you begin Dear Mrs Town at the top of a page and nothing in the forbidding memory of Mrs Town encourages you to go further and write to Pauline the daughter very well write to Pauline then on an odd piece of paper in pencil what a good time you had how nice it was to be with her then copy your note composed to Pauline off on the page beginning Dear Mrs Town you have only to add love to Pauline and thanking you again for asking me sign it very sincerely and there you are don't be afraid that your note is too informal older people are always pleased with any expressions from the young that seem friendly and spontaneous never think because you cannot easily write a letter that it is better not to write one at all the most awkward note that can be imagined is better than none for to write none is the depth of rudeness whereas the awkward note merely fails to delight examples from a young woman to a formal hostess after a house party Dear Mrs Norman I don't know when I ever had such a good time as I did at broad lawns thank you a thousand times for asking me as it happened the first persons I saw on Monday at the town's dinner were Celia and Donald we immediately had a threesome conversation on the wonderful time we all had over Sunday thank you again for your kindness to me very sincerely yours Grace Smalltalk to a formal hostess after an especially amusing weekend Dear Mrs Worldly every moment at great estates was a perfect delight I am afraid my work at the office this morning was down to zero inefficiency so perhaps it is just as well if I am to keep my job that the average weekend in the country is different very thank you all the same for the wonderful time with me faithfully yours Frederick Batchelor Dear Mrs Worldly every time I come from great estates I realize again that there is no house to which I always go with so much pleasure and leave on Monday morning with so much regret your party over this last weekend was simply wonderful and thank you ever so much for having included me always sincerely Constance Stile from a young couple from the town we had a perfect time at Tuxedo over Sunday and it was so good of you to include us Jack says he is going to practice putting the way Mr Town showed him and maybe the next time he plays in a foursome he won't be such a handicap to his partner thanking you both for the pleasure you gave us affectionately yours Sally Titherington Little House from a bride to her new relatives in law a letter that was written by a bride after paying a first visit to her husband's aunt and uncle won for her at a stroke the love of the whole family this is the letter Dear Aunt Annie now that it is all over I have a confession to make do you know that when Dick drove me up to your front door and I saw you and Uncle Bob standing on the top step I was simply paralyzed with fright suppose they don't like me was all that I could think of course I knew you loved Dick how awful if you couldn't like me the reason I stumbled coming up the steps was because my knees were actually knocking together you remember Uncle Bob sang out it was good I was already married or I wouldn't be this year and then you were both so perfectly adorable to me and you made me feel as though I had always been your niece and not just the wife of your nephew I loved every minute of our being with you Dear Aunt Annie now that you have accepted and we hope you are going to let us come soon again with best love from both your affectionate niece Helen the above type of letter would not serve perhaps if Dick's aunt had been a forbidding and austere type of woman but even such a one would be far more apt to take a new niece to her heart if the new niece herself gave evidence of having one after visiting a friend Dear Kate I was hideously dull and stuffy in town this morning after the fresh coolness of Strandholm the backyard is not an alluring outlook after the wide spaces and delicious fragrance of your garden it was good being with you and I enjoyed every moment don't forget you are lunching here on the 16th and that we are going to hear Chrysler together devotedly always Caroline from a man who has been ill and convalescing at a friend's house Dear Martha I certainly hated taking that train this morning and realizing that the end had come to my peaceful days you and John and the children and your place which is the essence of all that a home ought to be have put me on my feet again I thank you much much more than I can say for the wonderful goodness of all of you Fred from a woman who has been visiting a very old friend I loved my visit with you, dear Mary it was more than good to be with you and have a chance for long talks at your fireside don't forget your promise to come here in May I told Sam and Hetty you were coming and now the whole town is ringing with the news and everyone is planning a party for you David sends his best to you and Charlie and you know you always have the love of you're devoted pat to an acquaintance David sends his best to you and Charlie and you know you always have the love of you're devoted pat to an acquaintance after a visit to a formal acquaintance or when someone has shown you a special hospitality in a city where you are a stranger my dear Mrs. Duluth it was more than good of you to give my husband and me so much pleasure we enjoyed and appreciated all your kindness to us more than we can say we hope that you and Mr. Duluth may be coming east before long and that we may then have the pleasure of seeing you at Strandholm in the meanwhile with generous hospitality and with kindest regards to you both in which my husband joins believe me very sincerely yours Catherine de Puster eminent an engraved card of thanks an engraved card of thanks is proper only when sent by a public official to acknowledge the overwhelming number of congratulatory messages he must inevitably receive from strangers when he has carried an election or otherwise been honored with the confidence of his state or country a recent and excellent example follows executive mansion my dear blank I warmly appreciate your kind message of congratulation which has given me a great deal of pleasure and sincerely wish that it were possible for me to acknowledge it in a less formal manner faithfully signed by hand an engraved form of thanks for sympathy also from one in public life is presented in the following example Mr. John Smith wishes to express his deep gratitude and to thank you for your kind expression of sympathy but remember an engraved card sent by a private individual to a personal friend is not stylish or smart but rude see also engraved acknowledgement of sympathy Chapter 24 End of Chapter 27 Part 3 of etiquette read by Kara Schallenberg on April 27, 2007 in Oceanside, California