 What's going on, you guys? Welcome to the Single Guy Channel. My name's Lloyd Bring, the practical and actionable dating advice that really works, not some mainstream bullshit. So today we're going to be talking about how to not be nervous around women. This is a pretty common problem that a lot of men have. I mean, you see that hot girl, whether it's at the bar, whether she's walking down the street or on the subway or something like that. You really want to talk to her, but you can feel the nerves start creeping up and the more nervous that you get, the more likely you want to blow it. You keep getting more and more nervous until you don't do anything. She walks away and then you go home by yourself blowing your chance with this girl. Okay, so in this video what I'm going to teach you is I'm going to teach you why we get nervous in the first place. A very important biological reason. Second thing I'm going to give you is practical steps that you can do to cut down on the amount of nervousness that you get before you go up and talk to a girl. These are very real practical tips that you can do. And the third thing I'm going to give you are mindset shifts. Different ways of thinking about it that are going to really cut down on how fearful and scared you get before you talk to a girl. If you do all of these things you guys is going to cure 90% of your problems. You're going to be feeling a lot less nervous before you go up and talk to a girl and you can start actually taking action. Okay, so the first thing that I'm going to give you is why people get nervous before they go up and talk to strangers. Okay, especially men when they're going up to talk to a woman that they like. Well, that's a very important biological reason because when we go up and talk to strangers we are evolved to live in tribal societies. We are evolved to live in groups. Most of people in the groups we know very very well. We would know everybody in our tribe and if we saw somebody that we didn't know well then we would start to get a little nervous because we don't know if that person is going to harm us. We don't know if that person is going to take our people, our food, our water and our women. We don't know so we're naturally fearful of other people and we're naturally fearful about talking to other women that we don't know as well because we don't know if there's another guy in that tribe that's watching and I guarantee you if there's a guy in that tribe watching he's going to come with a rock, he's going to hit you on the head with it and he's going to kill you. Murder is very very common in tribal societies. It's so common that we have evolved mechanisms to prevent ourselves from putting ourselves in harm's way. So that's why we get nervous before we talk to a girl, especially a girl that we really like. Now obviously this is an outdated adaptation. In the modern-day era we meet strangers all the time. We're conversing with strangers constantly. If you live in a city or bustling past hundreds of them on a daily basis. So it's an outdated adaptation. So how do we get past this outdated biological mechanism to start taking action? Well in the second part I'm going to give you our practical tips and the first practical tip that I'm going to give you is talk to someone else before you talk to that girl that you like. Okay once you get yourself in the social mode it becomes a lot easier. When I first arrive at a bar I don't know anybody there. I don't know all the people. They're having fun. I'm probably not you know feeling too energetic yet. I am scared man. Like I don't want to go in there and talk to all those people that I don't know. You're naturally fearful when you see a lot of strangers that you don't know that are moving around at a social event. It's very very natural especially, especially if you were by yourself. So the first thing that I do is I go to the bar and I talk to the first guy or gal that's next to me. Okay chances are this guy or gal is probably not going to be someone that I'm interested in dating. Okay you know especially if it's a guy. So if I'm up there and I start talking to someone though I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in getting myself into that social mode because if I talk to one person it's going to be easier to talk to that next person and then it's going to be easier to talk to that next person and the next person and the next person and you kind of get into this like flow state where you're just easily able to talk to people. By that sixth person it should feel effortless and that's when you want to talk to the girl that you're really really into if you're at a social event or something like that. So that's why I use that first part to start talking to just random people. Get myself in the mode that I need to get. Now if I'm at like let's say the mall or I'm seeing a girl that I know in line. I'll talk to another person in line or maybe if I'm at the mall I'll talk to like the receptionist or someone like that. Someone that I know is going to give me a good reaction. That's a good tip too. Talk to someone that you know is probably going to be friendly to you. It's probably going to be nice to you. If someone's working there well they're paid to be nice to me. So if I get a good reaction from someone like that then it makes me feel better. If I get a bad reaction sometimes I can make it can make it a lot harder for me to talk to somebody else after. So try and pick people that you're going to get a good reaction from. Okay tip number two that I'm going to give you is move around more. Too many guys when they go into the club they just sit down and they sip their drink and they don't move around at all okay. The more you move around the more you get your endorphins pumping your adrenaline's going a little bit. You're going to be feeling a lot better and it's going to be that much easier to take action. They did a study actually where people after skydiving were so much more likely to go up and talk to a random stranger. More likely to be attracted to them too. So you can use this in your everyday life. I like to work out sometimes before I go to the bars or before I go to a party or something like that. It gets my blood flowing and it gets my endorphins going and it's a lot easier for me to talk to people. Tip number three is have a game plan. If you're going out and you don't have a game plan when you're talking to a girl like you just oh I hope she sleeps with me or I hope she likes me like dude you're going to be really really nervous before you go up because the more unknown factors there are the more likely it is you're going to be scared. If there's too many things that you don't know you're naturally going to be fearful of the unknown. So have a game plan. Have a small thing that you can go and hey I want to see if this girl wants to get a drink with me. Hey I want to see if she wants to meet my friend or hey I just want to get to know this girl or get her opinion on something. Have a small little thing that you're going in there to do. Have a game plan and you're going to be a lot less nervous because you know exactly what you're going in there to do. Don't think 15 steps ahead like I hope I sleep with this girl I hope she likes me that's too far in the distance. Think about the small things first. Tip number four is engineer your environment. Now imagine you're walking into a bar and you don't know anyone. You don't know the bouncer. You don't know the bar tender. Very common for me. Imagine yourself trying to talk to a girl in this environment. Probably pretty daunting right but now imagine that same bar it's full of all your homies. You know the bartender. You know the bouncer. You know all the staff working there. You know girls there and then another girl that you don't know walks into that bar. How easy is it going to be to talk to that girl? Probably pretty easy right. Well the truth is that you can engineer that exact scenario when you go out okay. You can have friends in the bar. You can you can know the bartender and the bouncer. All it takes is asking how their night's been and remembering their name consistently over a long period of time okay. You do this over like a month or something like that. You meet people while you're out. You remember their names. Well it's going to be so much easier when you go out to that venue or other venues like it if you know everybody there and you can do this in the night. You can do this in one night. If I go out which I commonly do by myself. If I go out I just start talking to the people around me like I said. I spend the first two hours just trying to meet people just trying to like get myself into that social mode and so what ends up happening is that I'm meeting people from different groups and I remember their name and I'm able to go into the conversations with them and I know them now and now when I see when now when they're walking by I wave to them I give them a little high five. They're more likely to laugh at my jokes. They're more likely to like be looking for me and talking to me. It gives me a lot of social proof and so when some new girl comes in that I don't know it's a lot easier for me to talk to that girl because it feels like I'm picking her up right in my backyard. So that's what I invite you guys to do is engineer your environment so it feels like home base. And the fifth and final tip that I'm going to give you that's practical is to practice. Okay guys you will get better at this and truthfully if I'm going to be totally honest with you guys I still get nervous before I go up and talk to a girl that I really like or a woman that I'm interested in. Okay it happens you know sometimes it doesn't happen if I'm in a good state but a lot of times I'm a little nervous but I'm a lot less nervous than what I was before and because I pushed through that discomfort and I did it again and again and again and I know I'm good at it and I've been successful at it. I know I can do it again and so that fuels my confidence and I'm a lot less nervous before I go and open talk to people. So don't use living in fear as an excuse to not take action because you will never ever be successful. Okay cool so that we've done with the practical tips. So now let's talk about the mindset shifts that you can use as a get past nervousness. The first mindset shift that I'm going to give you is visualizations. Visualize the approach. Visualize going up and talking to this girl. Visualize speaking with her and visualize potential objections that could happen. Maybe her friend walks in. Maybe a guy comes in or maybe she has to leave really quickly or maybe she's in the middle of something. How are you going to handle these objections? Visualize yourself handling these objections with ultimate confidence as the most confident person that you see yourself being. If you visualize it when it happens to you you're a lot less likely to get thrown off. We usually get thrown off. We usually get nervous by unknowns again. The less unknowns you have the more likely it is you're going to feel confident and less nervous. Tip two that I'm going to give you is don't put so much pressure on yourself. Forget the final outcome. Stop thinking 10 steps ahead like oh I I hope this girl really likes me or I hope this girl sleeps with me or I hope this girl like dates me. That's way too far in the distance. Okay just focus on maybe like I would honestly if you're really new at this just focus on trying to get a girl to smile at you. Okay that's a win. That's a small win for you but if you think so far in the distance and you put too much of an outcome dependence on your interaction then it's more likely that you're going to be much more nervous before you go in because that's a tall task man especially if you've never done it especially if you're not good at it. You know it's it's too much to ask of yourself so start small and don't have so much outcome dependence on your interactions. Mindset shift number three is don't fight your nervousness. If you're nervous do be nervous like I said I still get nervous to this day. Do you think I'm walking in like oh god I hope she likes me. I hope I don't blow it. If I do I'm gonna feel like a loser. No I'm like I'm like I'm nervous right now. Let's see what happens and I walk right in there and do it. I kind of treat life like an experiment you know like if something works right if it doesn't no big deal I learned something from it. That's how you learn is by failing and putting yourself out there. So I'm not bothered when it when things don't work out. I'm getting better and even though to this day I'm very good at doing what I do I still treat it as an experiment. I still treat it as a learning process because you never stop you know. You're always improving yourself and the final and last mindset shift that I'm going to give you guys is to realize look you have to look at the way women think. Women do not think like you when it comes to this sort of stuff. They are not like immediately attracted to a lot of guys that they see. Most women think most guys that they see are actually like unattractive you know. It takes time for them to get to know a guy to know what kind of guy he is before they start really being attracted to him. Now sure there's occasionally where a guy is exceptionally tall and good-looking that they'll go for that guy but those are the minor or he is like a certain type like resembles some dude she dated you know years previous. Okay that sometimes happens but those that's the minority of cases for 99 percent of guys out there it's just another dude. So you don't feel like you have to cause her to be instantly attracted to you and don't feel like it's the same kind of rejection that you would look at for a girl that you didn't want to talk to. It's not like that for women okay they need a little bit more time so don't don't beat yourself up and don't treat it as an outright rejection to your ego okay take your ego out and realize it is what it is. Okay cool so those are all the tips that I've given you guys hopefully this helped. If you do all of these things that I gave you guys you're gonna be cutting down on your nerves a lot more okay. I don't want to hear an email from you guys saying hey I wish I could go up and talk to girls but I get so so nervous. Teach me how to stop being nervous. Okay well first of all you're you're gonna get nervous in life man like that's just this is how it is but if you haven't seen this video and you haven't done the things that I'm telling you guess what I'm gonna do I'm gonna tell you to watch it and until you've done all of these things I don't want to hear from you. So hopefully this helps you guys if you're interested in my mentorship program where I teach guys literally exactly how to do what I've been talking about you're gonna be feeling a lot more confident when you go up to women you're gonna have a lot more skill in your interactions and also too you're gonna have a lot more options in life so if you're interested in that should be an email with us singleguy2017 at gmail.com thanks a lot y'all if you have any questions put them in the comment section below and good luck out there