 Grass-fed beef liver. Look at the, look at the pipes. Look at the hole. Look at the pipes. Michael, look at the hole in it. Whoa! It detoxifies, so all of the cow's toxins are filtered through that liver that you're eating. Beef liver fight! It's not armed. Ah! Not anymore? F*** off! F*** off! F*** off! I can taste it now. I'm breathing more. No, that's hectic. Oh, brown pounds! F*** off! Oh, bummed b*** off! Brown! Are we live? Matt Pound. Yes. Episode number 10 of the Money. Michael, fully actual podcast. Brown Pound. We were just having a chat about Matt's f***ing weekend. And man, oh man, it's Easter here. It's Easter Monday right now. And we're in for a jam-packed f***ing episode. So sit back and grab a tea, I reckon. No, I have a bong. We got our fussy little boys. We got trauma trivia. We got therapy with the brown. And we've got Julian Woods coming in to have a chat to us about his upcoming comedy tour, which is wild. If you choose green tea over coffee, it's better for your uric acid level. Shhh! Don't f*** stick to pattern. Brown Pound. Brown Pound. Matt Brown Pound. Split the lips with co-co-co-co. Pound, pound that. Can you say that? Pound that, brother. Can you say that? I just did, brother. As you all know, everyone, it's f***ing Easter right now, bro. And look, I didn't have... I didn't... Yesterday just did family s*** all weekend, all right? So there's no dream this week, but it'll be back next week, OK? I'm sorry about that. It was just family s*** on. And look, I ran out of time. I didn't dream. Yeah, that's what happened. Matt didn't dream. I didn't have any dreams over the week. So super frustrating, guys. I'm sorry. Just DM Matt and let him know how you feel about it. Anyway, how's Easter been, everyone? We ate some chocolate. I walked past Alfie Lange's statue at Suncop Stadium on Friday night. Mickey went to the Broncos game. Yeah, what was up with that? Oh, you took a family member, didn't you? Yeah, free tickets. So I sort of went with the nephews and watched the Broncos play some NRL, which, you know, I love. And the f***ing horse has got up for a win by day. They're in the 40s. Yeah, it was an ass-kicking. They're in the 40s, brother. And what else? You played... Oh, worms. Lots of worms. And I got a win. Really? On worms? Oh, yeah, true. Brown on Friday won a game of worms. But considering I had four worms and he has eight, so he has double my worms. That's why he wins. Number nine in the world. No, no. Number nine in the world. Anyway, stop. So lose, lose for you if you let him pick eight for you. If I had to play the number nine in tennis in the world, shouldn't I have eight players? It's different. It's different. There's only limited options in worms. Tennis is a different game. Sorry. Look pretty similar. But same fitness. Dexterity. It was a good weekend. East is good, I think. Chocolate? A little bit of sugar hangover today. We've been training hard for this fight. We're in April now. First fucking April, April fools, everybody. Yeah, holy shit. We pranked Brown this morning, got him with a good scare. Didn't we, Brown, eh? Yeah, it wasn't meant to be that good, but it came out well. You walked it, like, yeah. You walked into the trap. Yeah, it was very, very... So how's your training going for your boxing? Yeah, look, mate, it's going all right. It's fucking rough by day. Are you feeling confident in your technique? Yeah, I guess every time I spar, it gets I feel more confident, but it is, like, still, like, man, it's a heavy, heavy hit. Are you finding you're getting powerful? Yeah, I guess, like, inspiring. You don't really want to commit to, like, throwing him too hard, because, man, I did that with one guy the other day. Yeah, you fucking dropped him. No, he stepped it up, and next minute I couldn't breathe from my stomach. You found out the hard way. He's scary. What was his name? Oh, I won't say his name. Lex Luger. He's a fucking, he's a good boxer, that's for sure. Anyway, it's fun, but it's scary. It's sort of like a bit of both. Yeah, I can't wait to get it over with. I just fucking get it done, bruh. Yeah, a lot of training on top of work. He's like, it's like two jobs, in a way, but physical labour. It's going to be good at the end. It's going to be fun. Yeah, as long as you're going to get knocked out for 30 seconds. What would happen, OK, here's an offer. You see Marty get knocked out, I get knocked out, and then someone comes up to you and goes, get in there and face them and we'll give you 3K. Yeah, fuck yeah, I'd do that. OK. No training at all. Of course I would. OK. It's about what I'd have behind me is the anger of seeing my two best friends get KO'd. The fully actual would take over. The fully actual would take over. And I'd just walk in there, not a care in the world, whether I get knocked out or not. I would just mouth open, arms up. Yeah, swings for the fences. No, fuck it. I'd do it. I'd risk it. I don't believe you. I promise. I swear in my life I would do that. No, I'm not shaking that hand. Yeah, because you know. See, neither of us trust that. Sorry. Well, I would. Let us know in the comments if you think Matt Brown would actually do that, everyone. OK, what about this one, Matt? Would you sit in a sink, a big sink at work? Oh, what are the scenarios? And then you have to have a toaster that's on. Someone, you have to throw it up above a meter while you're in the little sink like this. You sort of built like you sort of cramped up. Throw it up a meter and catch the toaster three times and it has to be over a meter to throw. Yeah, I'll do that. But I don't know. And you get to make a sink that would fit in. Would you do it for free? No. 30 bucks? No. 40. No. 30 bucks. If you drop it, you're dead. Maybe 50. OK. What's been what's been going on in Brown? Yeah, you went to Noosa, didn't you? I did a walk around the Noosa headland. And what about work? Have you fired anyone? No, no, because I'm not in that position at the moment. Did you like having the job of firing people? No. How many times do you reckon you fired someone? I can't say. Why? I don't know. I feel weird about that. 10? Yeah, and more. Do you like it? No. Have you ever done two in one day? Have you ever laughed while doing it? Or scoffed? I've definitely sent two people home in one day and then they were eventually fired if that counts. OK, I'm the first guy. What are you saying, Marty's the second guy? Tell me the first situation. How do you just say what you said? Say what you said in the tone you said it. No, they got done with drugs. They got done for doing drugs at work. OK, so, OK, come. Yeah, that sounds like something happened to me and Marty. They had drugs in them. OK, revisit it. Let's do the exact thing. I can't exactly remember. Just try, try. What drug was it? No, it was just pot, I think. Oh, no, one was pot and one was amphetamines. OK, so I'll be the pot guy, Marty's amphetamine. It's hard because I can't quite remember, but I remember one guy was like, oh, my God, my family, I fucked up. What do I do? What do I do? And you said, I don't care. Are you still here? And then the other person was like, I'm a fucking addict. I was screaming in the room. Oh, wow, that's exciting. Yeah, it was it was quite rough. All right, it was rough because I liked both of them. They were both cool, like you love that junkie. OK, revisit it. Pretend that it's happening for the first time. Go. I can't. I don't remember. Just say what you say to me. No, I didn't. I've been caught with pot. I was very supportive. I was very supportive. Then I was just like, you hug them. No, you don't. So that's not that supportive, then? You don't do that. Oh, did you at least give them a pat on the back? And did you offer a hug or put your arms out like that? No, if you had to. If you had to hook up with one, was it the first one or the second one? The second one. The junkie, the method. Yeah. OK, wow. And all right, that one was a girl. There you go. Oh, you homophobic. You're much a fucking homophobic. It's just not what I'm attracted to. OK, fair enough. There you go. Sorry. Well, that's transphobic if you're not attracted to that. No, they weren't trans. Yeah, but listen to the story. Yeah, one was a man, one was a girl. I'm attracted to girls. That's why I chose number two. What about girls who transition to men? They shouldn't just base everything on gender? No, because that would be a man. So if a man tries to do a girl, then maybe I'll think about it. If a lady boy. Yeah, you'd fuck a lady boy. No, you have. No, 15. Would you for 30 K? Oh, no. OK, Julian did. Yeah, for $30. Anyway, let's fucking move on. All right, we've got we've got some messages from our outrageous sponsor. Joe Fortune doesn't sponsor the podcast anymore. And by the way, he didn't like us. Well, no, they got a new like marketing guy in. And he fired a tonning the straps a bit. So we've got five first to go. We're not worth it. We're charging him for this one, though, aren't we? We're not we're not worth it. So that's a reminder, everyone. Please like, comment and subscribe. We give us a five star review on Spotify to trick brands into thinking that we're worth it for a few episodes. And then when they realise that we're not, they they cancel that. But we've already invoiced them. Sorry, yeah, his invoice. And the more we don't feel worth it, the more we're going to maybe. Don't forget to engage so we can trick other brands into giving us money. If not, we might. Speaking of, we should probably mention the brand. Yeah, yeah, speaking of the brands that we're tricking, here is a word from our sponsors. All right, everyone, listen up. Anyway, Manscape has asked us to say some stuff, but look, we couldn't be fucked finding that email right now. I know you can't say that. They're most honest. They're most loyal. They appreciate our honesty. This is the best policy. And so do our viewers appreciate our honesty. Look, we don't know where the email is, but Manscape, that look, you better go to their website and have a look at the new shit that they got going on. All right, click the link in our description and you have 20% off. Boom, hit fully actual 20. Our discount code have 20% off Manscape. Have you got, do me a favour and run your hand over your legs like that? Is that furry? Then fuck you, you fuck. You're gross, yuck. You're yucky and shit. Shit, life and shit. You fucked everything up. So go to Manscape and get yourself some shit that shaves that shit off so you feel and look a bit better. And have 20% off now. It's for women and that. Fun fact. I used it. They've just released a lawnmower six. And a gun. Yeah, Manscaped has a gun, a rifle. And you don't need any kind of ID to get the rifle. Yeah, yeah, you can. Fully actual 20 will get you 20% off. A fried off the gun. And the Manscaped. So go to Manscaped.com. They've got guns. They've got guns. And they've also got... But we're going to have to bleep that or you two won't for client. I can just feel it. And they've got toners and shampoo and stuff. Yeah, look, they've also got this fucking Nikko. That's no. They've just started doing Nikko. I think that's a Sharpie. Yeah, oh, Sharpie, sorry. So you can't put Sharpie in. Call your teeth in with it. Sharpie does not sponsor the podcast. Wait, wait, sorry. OK, all right, that's enough for Manscaped. That's all they get this week. And they're going to be happy with that and they'll pay us. Oh, no. Michael, just leave that. Sorry, I really want to get one for you there. Oh, I'm sorry, Manscaped. All right, look, we love you guys. You know, we're going to go hard on that new. We're fucking the only round. And Manscaped, years are the boys. Manscaped, part of the boys. So if you want to be part of the boys, go to the link in the description and get your shit sorted. They truly are the best sponsor. They are. And they're very, very. They've been day ones. They've been our day ones since the start. And look, I just want to say also girls, you're a part of Manscaped too. It should be renamed Scaped. Yeah, yeah, well, I think it's not just for men. And I've written them email saying, change it to Scaped.com. Yeah, well, it will probably go that way soon. Harry needs shaving. Excuse me, Matt, that's fucked. Sorry. You pound, day and night, brown, pound, pound, slip the lips, slip the lips, pound, town, brown. Pound, town, brown. Pound, town, pound, town, pound, town, pound, town, brown, pound, town, brown, brown, pound, brown. Yuck. Cool. Anyway, Brown's Manscaped. And of course, it's time to get healthy. Thank God. Everyone needs to listen up because this product has changed our lives. All right. A, G, one, three letters. All right. Three letters. A, G, one. It's two letters and a one. No, three letters. OK. A, G, one. Well, technically, that'd be two letters and a one. Seventy-five vital nutrients and minerals that you can't find in any other food source. OK. You pay a subscription. Boom. The powder rocks up at your door. You don't have to go to the chemist. You pour it in a cup. You put the water in first, OK, little trick. Then put the powder in and it mixes much easier. And then you brown it down. And then you fucking drink it and you feel the benefits and you live a long time. Look after yourself because no one else is going to. Yeah. And then you can pound that. Yeah. You want to pound. Three. Guilt free, brown, pound, down at brown, pound, town. Oh, brown, pound, pound. Dude, dude, HG1. It's HG1. Sorry. HG1, link in the description. And get amongst it so you two can get your hands on some 60% off. Yeah, well, do you reckon they're going to let us post that because it's very sexual? Well, I'm just describing some of the health benefits. OK. Sorry. Thank you. Anyway. Is that a vitamin K in it? That you can get. No, you can get the vitamin D3 and K, the droppers. And they are very, very effective. I would like some of that. Fine. All right, that's sponsors done. Hopefully they're all well. We're doing well with that, eh? We're doing well. I think, dude, we definitely, that was better than the email that they sent. And HG1 didn't even send an email. That's how good that was. We wrote the email. We wrote the email. Just saying pound, brown, pussy, downtown. We should write that. How about this and send it back? Who gives a crap? So what is he talking about? Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. All right, it's time. It's time for him. It's time for therapy with the brown. Oh, therapy with the brown. Already. Therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy with the brown. All right, the glasses are on. All right, and this is a segment, guys. This is not entertaining. We're matte. What do I? There's not even a jingle. He speaks to us about his problems, right? He's going to pick a card here. So it's getting down with brown. Getting down with, getting down with the brown. Any card. Getting down with the, right, right, right, right. Read it out loud for everyone. Rise. What's the nicest thing you've ever done for someone? Oh, imagine if it was an X that you did this for. No, I think it was pretty nice. Imagine if this was for your mom, your dad would get jealous. Who are you nicer to? Greg or your mom? No, I'm pretty equal. Greg's not considered your dad. It's just Greg. All right, pretty equal. Sorry. Where do you put all the used ones? Oh, this is a good one. This is a good one. No, you don't get to pick one. That's shit, that one. What about this one? Oh, this is fucked. You didn't even get to do both. It's compromised. What about this one? What are some things that your parents did that you would never do to your kid? Or just do in general? What if your dad did a shit? If he farted heaps. All right, this will get. This is just sad, though. Do you really want to hear this? Where do you reckon the weirdest place your dad's taking a shit? I don't know. Shall we ask him? Do you reckon he's done a standing up shit before in the shower? Pulling his cheeks apart? Maybe that when he's young. Do you reckon he's shot in water, like forest water? I panic shit in the woods. Yeah, I reckon. Anyway, what's the answer to the question? Let's see. What was the question again? What's something your parents did that you would never do? Oh, fuck, they're pretty good parents. I was very blessed. So they haven't done many things that I would think that I wouldn't do. We clipped. Yeah, fuck yeah, but I would do that. So that's all right. They've snipped your foreskin off, too. Yeah, at home. Did you ever get back tickles from your mum? No. How old until you stop breastfeeding? I don't know. Well, I was mum. OK, all right, anyway, back to the question. Anyway, I don't know. It's pretty hard to come up with something that I wouldn't do that they did. But this is sad, but they obviously got divorced and their divorce and breakup happened like they had an argument at nighttime at like one in the morning in front of us. And why were you awake at one in the morning? I was and I was asleep and mum like woke us up so that she could fuck you. Dad not arguing, come and watch. It was almost like that, that she just opened the doors yelling. So yeah. And that was that was rough to deal with. Who won? There was nobody won. Who do you reckon side would you pick in that moment? You're like, yeah, dad's making more sense than that, bitch. No, I didn't have a side. OK, sorry. Why did they want you guys to watch? No, it was just the way it happened was was rough. And I think at the time mum was very emotional and she felt that it should be a family thing rather than just them two in the bedroom. So your dad initiated the divorce? I don't know. Did someone go to the bathroom in that moment like around the same time? As in go to the toilet in that hour or go into the bathroom? Like did she leave him to go to the toilet at one point? And no, I don't think so. Why? I don't know. I think everyone was in tears. So I think some people were in the bathroom but not using the bathroom. Were you sleeping in with your sister? No, she was in a separate room. How old were you two when you split up with your sister in a room? I don't think I ever shared a room with her. That's not cool, man. Privileged white man. Yeah. So you wouldn't wake up your kids at one hour to share an argument? Yeah, like if that like and it wasn't like it wasn't a horrible thing to deal with, but that was sad. So, you know, I would prefer not to go through that. I would grade you out there and say, well, we're getting a divorce. Who do you pick? No, I wasn't like that at all. No, I wasn't like that at all. I'm sorry. It's just sad. So yeah, I don't know. Who do you choose, Brown? It's not funny. I don't know. Yeah, see, this isn't a funny segment. It's pretty funny. It's just get real deep. Yeah, well, it's like DNA. Everyone loves a good DNA. We want to get deep with Brown Town. Actually, can you tell me something that? Yeah, I wouldn't. I'm sure you'll be similar. Yeah, I've got a fair few. I would say I would I would not not make my kids lunch school. Yeah, yeah, parents didn't make you lunch. I would. Oh, so I reckon you should have to make your lunch as it creates independence. I didn't get some pickle on a job. I had nothing to make. There's nothing. There's nothing there. I was. Wow. I was given cash to go to the canteen every day. $10 every day. $10 back then was a lot of money. It's like $50. A dollar would get you a fucking mega doughnut. A lot of soup and doopers, a lot of breakers, a lot of party pies, a lot of pizza rounders. Remember them? Burgers. And I was sitting there begging for food. I would waste food like on purpose just because I was bored. We fully actually didn't get lunch. We didn't get like pickles in a jar or something. She didn't sell you don't get lunch. It was just like lunch wasn't made. I had to make my own lunch. And so I never made it. Actually, primary school, I was made lunches. I only got like canteen every high school was canteen every day. Primary school was canned in every Friday. But I had my lunches made. You know, I've realized with lunches is sandwiches. If you don't eat it in the first, I'm going to say 30 minutes. Something changes in the sandwich. Yeah, it starts to seep in and it becomes shit. It tastes like the texture. It's a shit up. So I would never eat my sandwich. I'd throw it away or bring it back home. What about the people that are starving in the world? We didn't have any of them at our school. So like, I just didn't know about. Yeah, I know you weren't there. You were at high school. Should have given the food to me. You're at high school, but I didn't have like packed lunch. You know, once because I became so pretty. I don't know if I've told this to ask your mom. I became so predictable with who I would ask for food that some of my mates, they stitched me up and they put dog food in a sandwich. I go, oh, yeah, do you want do you want this? All right, it was during the sports car. And they I was eating it and I looked over and they were all laughing and I was like, looked at it and they're like, oh, it's door food. And then I just shrugged and then continued to eat it. And that shut them up immediately. And I fucking ate a dog food sandwich and I kept going with it. And then they're like, fuck you, you didn't fucking throw it away, bro. That's how hungry you were. Dude, I got fucking bamboozled in a classroom once as fucking good to we're all eating skittles and passing them around. My mate had a big pack of skittles and he's passing them around. I had like four or five of them and it was great. And then and then I didn't see this, but one of the boys like got his balls out in class and stuck a skittle on his balls. And it's like and it was just sitting on top of his balls and I missed all this. And anyway, they took the skittle off and everyone's like, oh, pass it around. See if someone eats it. All right. And fucking they passed to me. And I'd just got given a skittle. And so they gave me a green skittle and I ate it. And then like, he had a ball. Ten of the boys were like, ah, get it off his balls. Wow. That's just really immature, Matt. So yeah, I was not impressed and it ruined green skittles for me forever. That's really disgusting story. If anyone was in that class, fucking well done. I'd make sure I'd go shopping with mom on shop day and then I'd just grab everything I wanted. And then when we got home, she's like, you can only have one or two, like say if there's a pack of Tim Tams. You can only have one or two Tim Tams, Michael. That's it. And you got to wait till tomorrow. And by the end of the day, the whole pack team can always be gone. So which one get angry? I don't think, I think it was like, oh, you can't do that. And then it was just like, I'd get my Tim Tams. I'd just eat it. I had the same thing. I'd run as soon as they figure out that they're all gone. I'd fucking get out of there quick. Oh man, Tim Tams. Holy shit. Man. Yeah. Good times. Good times, child. Anyway, that's getting down with a brown. Now we know more about brown and you guys know a little deep secret about the brown. You guys too. Yeah, we're all bonding. It's all family. That was good in the end. Family therapy, getting down with brown. Sorry. All right, let's have a fucking big silky smoothbong. Oh, suck the smoke into the lungs. And we'll be right back with our fussy little boy. Back and James is still prepping our fussed little boys. So in the meantime, we're going to hit it with a voicemail segment. Ring smash it, brown. Smash it like you want to fuck it. Yeah. In with your ring. And this is a segment where you guys call us and leave a voicemail, a text, a picture, a video. You tell the stories, whatever you want. You send it to 046620303. We also have WhatsApp if you're overseas. Same number. Send a same number. All right, so send us a voicemail and you might be playing on here, but just remember they can't be too long, OK? So rude. Now, look, highlights of the week, what we've sent that I can't really show you guys, but I talk about it is we got sent a dude who had a pre-shot of before he got his ball removed because he had cancer and then a shot after he got his ball removed. So he had one ball. Can I see that? Yeah, I can show you that. Was it much different? I wonder what I would feel like. We've also got a dog's dick, which is cool. I remember the dog's dick. That was cool. Surely you just ejaculate. There's no spurts. We've got sent shit, which is very exciting. Oh, don't worry about it. We'll show me after. Now, all right, we've got a couple of voicemails. Look, give him a chance to be got some stories. Remember, someone's sending us a finger as well. Someone's literally saying it's a finger. Guy who sent who cut his ball off. If you have that ball still, send it in. Yeah, we'll mix the ball with the finger and we can play like ball, ball, finger ball. If we get two balls, we can make a dick with the finger and the balls could be balls. And then we can ourselves with that. Well, look, stupid. Put on our only we could freeze the finger, put a condom condom on and ask with it. Yeah, OK. So easy, easy content. Alan Pussy. Listen here, you. You have exactly one week to give me brown back. I trained that to molest me. The exact way I wanted to be molested. I can. That on that and keep that cage so hard that when he was released, fucking three weeks in hospital, the first time, which was perfect. Throw salt on my back. The fucking fucking work made that hard. I enjoyed every day. And then you. The pair of you. Came and rolled me. I'm like fucking delicious. I hate pleasure one week. Do you know that guy? Yeah, I think of that. Is that is he connected to question or some shit? No, no, you don't want to talk about it. He'd like just a family friend. He's just another story. And maybe you'll have a dream about it. Well, there you go. All right, we might have to bleep a bit of that. We're pretty good. Now, all right, next one. Here we go. All right. No, now I've got a bone to pick with this one. Here you go. Just hear it out. It's going to be so shit. You're with your dream, man. Hey, boys. Look, I thought I'd just give it a little funny hookup story. I don't want to talk about how I lost my virginity. It's just a touchy subject. But basically, I have an awesome little car. It's a little two door. It goes pretty hard. One day, pretty horny. I don't know why, you know. Man, he's got to get his ass wet. So I was like, there's no big decision. And then to hit up just like, you know, everyone who I reckon I could get on. So I did that, ended up with probably the worst option out of the bunch. But when you picked her up, went to the park. So we got into it. Turns out she didn't like having sex and she didn't like fucking. So I'm like, well, you want to give me a head? She's like, OK. And so she give me a head. And then I'm about to finish. I'm like, are you ready? She goes, oh, no, I don't swallow. And then I was like, oh, that's all right. Too late. I splurged everywhere, fucking everywhere. And it went all down the fucking inside of the wind screen and all fucking on my door and shit fucking piled up in the bottom of the door. Well, all in fucking sand and shit. Jesus. That has got to be the worst clean up job ever. No more regret have I had then coming home and fucking having to clean that shit up. Not fucking good boys. Ring in with your ring. See you later. Now think about this. That story, the whole lot of it is a dude picked up a chick and then blew in his car. I do want to just leave the giz in there to dry. I do like him. It's not. Yeah, he's a fine man. But like, think about like that's powerful. If that's the worst thing that has happened to him, he's had a very good life. Yeah, that's happened to most of us, maybe not the winds. Like the shot must have slung out and hit the wind screen. That's pretty rough. Lots of would have been embarrassing. The just the sheer volume of ejaculate spraying around next to him, just kind of looking at him while he's spraying the car, pulling him embarrassing. It's quite yeah, there must be a lot of scary movie. Well, look, that's what we get. So obviously you guys can beat this. So come on, send us through. We got to play with someone send us a play, but it was too long. It's got to be under a minute. OK, then keep the pitchers and shit come. We look at everything. Yeah, we really send that shit in as fucking hectic as shit. And thank you so much for fucking participating. Zero four six six six zero two three zero three. If you want to fucking have a chat towards and sometimes we answer. So if we do that, talk to us, don't hang up straight away. And then be articulate. Now, I also want to see what's our tactic now. We've basically, you guys all know, we've been calling Emily up each week to make sure that she becomes a better person, but also just make sure that Bailey has dumped her arse because Bailey is our bender story buddy who tells us good bender stories. She got in the way of that has been blocking, like basically was threatening us and threatening Bailey, hence why he had to break up with her. So we are just calling to make sure that that is official and the breakup has happened. So let's see. We're checking in. Yeah, we're checking in with Emily. Also, should we use a different phone? Or what? Yeah, I'll call off private off mine and say, what happened? OK, let's hope because she does. Can you read her number out to me and cut this corner? Obviously, no, no, leave it in corner. I'll try again. It's like she knows, you know, I'm on a Monday, not to answer her phone. It's not always the exact same time, though. Yeah, true. It's much earlier this time around. The person you are calling is not available. Please leave a short message and it will be sent as an audio message. Emily, we're watching. We know the truth. And I've hung up. Good. All right, look, we've got the message through. We're intimidating her. We're slowly getting through to a psyche. She'll get a text message now saying those words and she'll be quite scared about that. And that's good. Well, it's good for it's revenge for Bailey. That's what we that's why we do this revenge. Yeah. Well, yeah, it look, it's sort of that in like a psychological sort of way. A psychological revenge. So, yeah, it's what she did to Bailey was wrong. Hence why we are redeeming him indeed. And why not? Let's just give him a call and see how he's going. Indeed. You know, she she hurt him really bad. That's being racist. Indeed. You're doing a really poor Asian accent. I'm just saying indeed. Indeed. And they'd. Matt, that's super racist. Indeed. OK, Bailey, give us a story. Hello, Bailey. How are you, Bailey? Hey, well, yourself? Yeah, not too bad, man. How's Easter? Happy Easter, lads. Where are you right now? Well, actually, at my old house, I've just moved into a new one. I've just got to fix up a couple of things before you hand the keys back. Do you have any weed? Sorry? Do you have any weed? Yeah, actually, dude, you want some? Yeah, can I buy some off you? I'm running. Oh, yeah, that won't go nowhere. That's one fucking hit. Bailey, is Emily there? No, you know, you know the guy, lads, she's not. Do not lie. Yeah, well, it's good. She's like, obviously, you know, she's running scared. She hasn't been picking up our calls. We've been threatening her. We've been leaving a few threatening messages on her voicemail, but within good reason, as you know, like we were just redeeming what. We're trying to intimidate her and scare her. Yeah, 100 percent. I would have done the exact same thing. Yeah, everyone can understand. It's good. We're all on the same page, mate. Yeah, definitely. All right, well, look, throw a story out. Whatever you feel, whatever you're feeling, it's Easter. So here we go. An Easter bender. I've only got a little one in my mind because I haven't, like, obviously thought of the ones like, good, but, all right, so when we're younger, we had this mate that would always go to his house because, like, his parents will always kill it in the rest of hours. Yeah. So he had a better back shed. And we always, like, there was, like, loungers and that, and there was a kickback spot. So there was always 10 or 15 of us in there at a time. And then one day, there was, like, this dude there. Like, sometimes random was, like, rock through, but, like, just have a drink with us. And then there was just one dude there. And he was really drunk. And we had these, like, big shot glasses, like, when we were doing shots of, like, straight bottles. And then as he's going to slam the shot glass down on the glass table, like, aggressively, he smashed the glass table and cut all up his hand and, like, started piecing out blood. And this was, like, five in the morning, and we were, like, seeing what the fuck do we do, like? Because none of us had a license, obviously. So, like, we needed to call, like, a taxi, get him up into the hospital because it was just around the corner. And then one of the boys is, like, put his hand up the ghost, sit up there with him. And we're, like, yeah, righto. And when he was in the hospital, we'd, like, the dude I did it, the dude that went up there with him, like, was sort of giving everyone, like, a bit of candy for the weekend. And then old bud was sitting in the hospital bed in front of all the nurses and was, like, what are you doing? He goes, like, with all that stuff he gave me this weekend, he goes, like, I'll fix you up for it, like. And then my mates looked at him, like, shut the fuck up. He goes, don't worry about the beers, like, blah, blah, blah. And then he ended up leaving him because he was just, like, stressing out. And then two hours later, like, we were all sitting in the back shed and he's rocked up in, like, the, um, a gown. And, like, he's got a needle in his arm because he's, like, ditched the hospital. And he's come back and, like, was wigging out. And he come back and kept drinking. And his mum, his mum had to come get him and he's at the front, like, causing, we're only, like, 16, and his mum's, like, trying to yell at him to get in the car. And he's, like, corner, like, all these names, like, because he doesn't even know what's going on. It was honestly a mess. Is that guy still alive? Yeah, but we don't talk to him all the time. He's sort of like, went a bit weird, eh? He's an Emily. He's an Emily. Yes, pretty much. He was cool at the start until that weird shit started happening. Emily or him. Was his hand OK? Or this, like... Yeah, it was all, like, he had to get seven stitches or six or seven stitches. Oh, wow. Well, there you go. So he tried to part, he fucked his hand. Well, and he still had the needle. What do they call it, bro? He was, like, attached to the arm. He had to hit the head, calling his mum like a slut and, like, a drunk and all that. And we're seeing they going, bro, it's your mum, shut the fuck up. And he's like, nah, fuck the ****, she's a slut. And I was like, wow. Oh, my God, that's brutal. That is a great story, especially at 16. That's heavy. That's heavy. Yeah, that's a bore. Your mum would be so upset. But, like, the best, the worst thing is, like, the dude that was gonna get her shit up and hostile with him wasn't really close with him, but he was, like, felt bad. So he went up there, and when he's sitting up there, like, the dude that was in hospital was, like, full-foaming this, like, I made under the bus and I'm like sitting there looking and thinking, why the **** do I even have this **** in the hospital with you? Oh, wow. That is heavy. Man, well, there you go. That's, like, I guess the moral of the story is don't do drugs at 16. Like, that heavy. Pretty much. Yeah. Well, there you go. You end up, like, you have a lot of friends when you're younger and then some of them will just turn into just losers and do that to them all. Yeah, you'll be Emily. So, all right, well, thank you, Bailey. That was great, mate. And, yeah, look. Happy Bloody Easter, mate. Happy Bloody Easter. Or are you going to have a couple of chockies? Yeah, you get an Easter bunny. All right, lads, happy Easter. God bless you, dude. And there you go. You just have some colorful friends all day. Yeah, dude, that's heavy. Did we find out where he grew up? I can't remember. I can't remember either. Colorado. Colorado. But, yeah, that would be hard to watch your mate be so twisted that he's calling his mom. I'm piecing myself if you guys did that to your mom. Oh, man. Piecing myself. I couldn't know what to never do. No, if you did enough drugs, you could. You can do anything with enough drugs. Enough drugs in your system to write balance. You become a different person with enough drugs. Yeah, all right. All right, well, thank you, Bailey. And it's good to hear that Emily's still out of the scene. Yeah, we'll fucking, we've become different people under the right amount of drugs. Oh, man, fucking. As Zanzanis and Valium in particular changed me as a person. You become an arsehole therapist. And I'm an MD, I'll become a Christmas tree. Like, what was it really bad? Just, no matter what was said in that pool, you know, in that pool that night. It vaguely, dude, very vaguely. I've seen you go like that a few times where you really want to help everyone, but you're just so threatening. It's just the fucking balance. You started on Michael and you could tell him, I was like, no matter what, no matter what he said, no matter what I said, and James, well, you just, no answer was good enough for you. He's just, you'd turn it around and be upset. Look, it's the Valium's, all right? It's the Valium in alcohol. And remember, the Zanzanis, that Zanzanis, I try to turn it into a different person. I turn it into a different fucking person. And something snaps in my, it's the same active ingredient. Enough MD though. You can, it's not just like... MD, you're beautiful. Local, but MD, it's more visual. You just can really... Oh man, it makes me sick. You can really... I reckon some of those MD nights is why I had the nervous system issues. I hated the MD. I obviously never would do it, I would never do it, but... How the fuck do you do that? I would be there with Marty and Marty and I'll be like pissing and Marty comes over and goes, I'm just so insanely jealous right now because all I want to do is piss and I can't. Like he couldn't... And that does hurt when that part happens. So rude though. You should have fucking... At least once. We had a boys' trip where it was unlimited MD. Yeah. Sorry. Look who we have, everyone. It's time. It's time for the pussy little boys. Look, we have Jenny here. And Jenny. Jenny. Jenny. Jenny, Jenny. Jenny. Jenny. We have a little raccoon on set. We've got a little raccoon on set. We've got a little Jenny, Fetty, hey? Jenny. We've got a little black bear. Little baby black bear. Little black bear. Oh. If you're only listening, a raccoon came onto the set. No, everyone can see now. I know, but some people still just listen. All right, guys, it's time for our fussy little boys. Hit it, brown. Hit it like it's stolen from me, bro. Fussy little boy. Fussy little boy. These are fussy boys. Fussy, fussy, fussy. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, fuck, I hate this part. And this is a segment where Matt and Michael, who are notorious fuss pots, have to try a food. It has to be a food that is a bit weird. And we'll see. Why is he leaving? Just who is fussy, because it's quite explosive. Fuck off. So today's a cuisine I've prepared in two different ways. And the main ingredient is organic, grass-fed beef liver. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Look at the, look at the pipes. Look at the hole. Look at the pipes. Michael, look at the hole in it. Whoa, dude, there's a hole in it. Smell it. Smell it and ingest it. It's really healthy for you. I want it looked. You can reveal that one, Matt. That one is the best one. I've prepared that really nicely. So that one should be genuinely be quite delicious. I tried it and I was like, no, I tried it and I was like, it's not fucked enough. You know what? I'm going to try some of this. All right, so this is. Why is it so far? You guys love beef? Yeah, no, it's beef liver. Beef liver, dude, has a whole different effect on the palate. Oh, yeah, it's very um. I don't like how you said, oh, dude, I'm so scared. I don't like how you said palate. Very sinewy. Like, very hard strands that don't break through teeth by it. Whoa, that's not good for me. OK, this takes me back to Mongolia when we had mutton. OK, this is like fucking I'll have the cooked. This is just what it looked like. You can get salmonella from that one. So I didn't want you to have that. OK. I understand. This is the one that you're going to eat. But what does he get that one? No, you get you get this one as well. This is the nice one. We can try after we try the real experience, which is just pure beef liver, a little bit of salt and oil. That's it. This one has like heaps of shit and quite healthy. Yeah, very healthy. I'm ready. Very healthy. This is this is the liver detoxifies the cow's body. Oh, what do you what do you laugh about? I'm laughing that you took the smaller piece. It was very predictable. It's detoxifies. So all of the cow's toxins are filtered through that liver that you're eating, stomach acids in it. Oh, it's only half cooked. All of the all of the dirt and shit. That the all the diseases that the cow encounters go through the liver and get filtered out. Dude, he did it medium into the liver. Yeah, he did it medium rare. He did it medium rare, so you can see the fat a bit. This one will be less dry and. Strange texture, isn't it? It's like overcooked steak, but then also liver. Oh, good taste. Whoa. Whoa. It's like peanut butter. No. Oh, God. I can't. Clean my shoe. Oh, no. No. What do you guys think? I like it. What do you think, Michael? I can't feel it is all the toxins out. Oh, all the diseases that the cow has. Oh. Oh. Oh, it's not. Beef liver fight. It's not. Beef liver fight. Make sure we pick that up because it will go everywhere. Is it my hair? Yeah, you got a little bit in your hair. Where? The smell is actually kind of looks like Mongolian beef. Yeah, the smell isn't bad. It's the aftertaste. It's like I just swallowed. It's like a peanut butter aftertaste. Oh, God. That was rough. Don't anymore. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Slippery liver beast. Slippery liver beast. Beef liver fight. Beef liver fight. It's actually really not so bad if you as long as you don't get a sinewy. But I don't like it. Dude. That's all right. That's fucked. Aftertaste is shit. Yeah, aftertaste is rough. Oh, dude. Ah! Fuck off! You put it up my pants, you dickhead. You fucking dickhead. I can taste it now. I can taste it now. I'm breathing more. I can taste it now. I'm breathing more. This cow had a disease before it was shot. I can taste it. I hate it, dude. Yeah. Die, Michael. Alright, so out of ten? Yeah. How bad out of ten, Michael? Dude, that is a solid eight. Oh, dude. Is that the worst? No, that's enjoyment. That's enjoyment. Oh, it's a two out of ten. It tastes like just, it's like mush. Yeah. So you don't like beef liver. Oh, dude, you still have my teeth. Could you imagine that on a sandwich with some mustard? No. No. I'm with Michael. It's a two out of ten. But if I could eat that and so I could eat that easy. Yeah. We'll have to pick a lot of this up. Otherwise we'll get rats. I don't mind about that though. Alright, so today... So today it turns out that you boys are equally as fussy. Oh, wow. A two out of ten with the beef liver. It's not so bad, huh? I feel so sick. Yeah, I want to go clean some of the mutton off me. Come on, beef liver. It's beef liver, mutton's baby lamb, and it's quite yum and different. This is an organ. An organ of a cow. A soft, squishy organ of a cow. Oh, yuck, don't say that. It's not the flesh of it, it's the organ inside of it. It's here by fucking shorts. Good boy, Jets. Oh, dude. Look at Jets, he's really loving it. Healthy beef liver. I feel so ill now. I just don't feel clean. Coming in beef liver juice. It's little bits of meat everywhere. It's not meat, mate, it's organ. It's an organ from an animal. They call that awful. All the off-cuts. Oh, dude, stop. They grunt and put in the sausages. Whoa! Oh, dude, I can't fucking deal with this. I feel sticky and gross. I feel sticky, I feel sticky and sticky and blind. Oh, dude. All right, guys, we're gonna have a big fat bong break and be right back with Julianne Woods. Oh, shit, baby. Oh, my God, baby. Matt just slam dunked beef liver all over Matt Brown's leg. Oh, Michael. Michael. No, Matt just slam dunked it on Michael's leg. Yeah. Tickle, tickle, little tickle for you. Oh, fuck this. Michael's holding beef liver. We'll be right back after this bong break, everybody. All right, guys, we are back, and we forgot that we have to do trauma trivia first before we have Julianne on. So let's fucking smash that like button. Every week, it's shit. It's just fucking eating shit, debating shit. So brain is hard, and then this one's like physically hard. Prepare yourself, prepare yourself. I've got somebody's board. We have it. I used to... Trauma, trivia, trauma. Don't copy. Who wants to pick? My pencil's been left on this. The lid wasn't put on. No, it wouldn't have been me. I guarantee it. Human body is the category. Human body is the category. And this is a segment where Michael and I have to answer Matt's questions, and if we get it wrong, we have some sort of physical pain punishment that's never nice. All right, the punishment for today is sting pong. So we peg a ping pong ball at the person who got the answer wrong. Wrong. The inner thigh should sting quite well. Oh, man, I'll give you my stone. Top of a pound pussy. What did we pick? You used to... Human body. The human body. You used to call me on my brown. Okay, here we go. The questions are made, so you both have a chance at winning them. Thank you. All right, are you ready? All right, ready? Question one. How much saliva does your mouth produce each day on average? Three, two, one. Reveal. One litre. I've said 500 millilitres. Michael said one litre, and what do you say? 500 millilitres. Okay, and the answer is exactly one litre. Marty loses this question. Shit! And we'll take the first punishment. How did I fucking win that? Well done. You've measured it before, that's how you know. You've done golly bottles, so you know. Don't hit my dick. Be strong and hard, and think of the... Oh! It stings immediately. Look, there's a red circle. All right, remember, you have to attack the same spot each time. All right. I can't believe it's like an instant red circle. Yeah. Reveal. Question number two. Two, two, two. All right, on average, how much urine does a person produce in a lifetime? How much urine does a person produce in a lifetime? On average, here's a little hint for you guys to help you out with the little... It's roughly about 1.5 to 2 litres a day on the average person. It's produced in the body. If you read this, it did base it off the age of an 85-year-old person. I think I've actually nailed it, so back the fuck up. Show me your answers in three, two, one. 8,000 litres. 300,000. You're both way out. What, did you say 300,000 litres? Yeah. 8,000 litres. I think Marty's closer. It's 35,000 litres. Well that fucking sucks. Why do I say 300,000? I am a closer. Marty gets to deal us a punishment. I'm fucking out. I'm gonna fucking smash. Enjoy your prize, sir. Reveal the leg. Reveal the leg. Oh my god! Dude, that was clean! Dude, it hurts more now than it did already. Oh my god! It's like an instant mark. Oh my god! It's fully raised up. Can you show the camera that? You raise me up! Oh my god. It only does with white. This is a show. Same spot will hurt even more. More. Question number three. Question number three. In general. In general. It is said that men may produce between two millilitres and five millilitres of semen each time they ejaculate. How much sperm cells are produced or come out in one milliliter? Whoa. I'll read it again. No. Okay. Fucking shit. I've got black macarons, babes! Dickhead. I have rounded up for this one. Three, two, one. Reveal. I said one million. So you said 50,000 sperm cells in one milliliter of ejaculate. And what did you say? One million sperms. Okay. You both weigh off. Fucking tell me you won! Shut up, idiot! I underestimated, but I rounded up to 300 million sperm cells. Real shame for me. I'm way closer. Mighty girls again! Mighty girls again! You're a big hit! Collect the ping-pong ball and throw! Oh my god. Come on that fucking thing up. Let's see if we can get that thing purple. Same spot. Oh. Fuck, dude. No! Yeah, it went under. That was okay. I'm so sorry, everyone. I feel like it had to go not as bad as it first. Shit. Okay. I have to get this right. Oh my god. Next question. On average, how much does a person vomit over their lifetime? How many liters? No, just how many times they vomit. It's a lot more as a baby. On average, over your lifetime... I'll give you an example. I think I vomited once last year. Dude, you shouldn't say stuff like that. Yeah. Sorry about that. Alright, I'm ready. 3, 2, 1, 250. I said 300. 300 and 2. Because babies vomit nearly every fucking day. That's what I was thinking. And on average... On average... It is exactly 250 on average. Wow. That's fucked, man. How did you know that? That's incredible, dude. That's bullshit. I reckon babies put down. It's on average. Michael gets to hit. No. Aim up and throw with intention. Come on, pussy boy. He gets another throw. Pussy boy. Come on, you weird nun. So close. It's amazing how painful they are. You wouldn't think they'd be. Give me my tray. Trown. Alright. So that too all? Final question winner takes... All. Okay. Oh, shut up, Matt. Come on. On average... How much skin does a person shed over a lifetime? Like weight-wise? Weight-wise. Fuck you. 3, 2, 1... 10 kilos. I've got 100 kilos. Okay. Wow. 10 in 100. 100 kilos. The answer is... 35 kilos. Fuck, man. For all the Americans out there. 77 pounds. That's amazing. I am the body man. You're the body man. What the fuck, bro? Michael wins, Michael wins. Play your prize. Give me a feel of that as you get up. You might have won, but you're still mine. Aim strong. So hard. Oh, a triangle of pain. A triangle of trauma. It's so beautiful. If you can, once it pops up, show them for clients. It's quite cool. If you stand up on the couch, you look like you have a ringworm. It's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. It's eye. It's actually eye. It hurts. It hurts. It's trauma trivia, baby. Look who it is. It's time for Julian Woods. Julian Woods. We're back. And look, we've got Julian Woods here. And him and Matt Brown are going to be touring together. So, him and Matt Brown have got a comedy show together. And they're going to be dressed like this during it. It's a take on a Japanese family and Matt's the wife or the grumpy wife, and Julian's the husband who eats rice with a spoon and she gets really angry because it's culturally insensitive. He's very violent and backhands me a lot. And we have an international guest named Michael who sleeps above us and he pisses on us because he's drunk. Hey, I've done it in Canbo. That was Canbo, not Japan. Oh, sorry. He would never do that in a developed country. Anyway. Sorry. Wow, we went real out there, Jacen. Anyway. Sorry about that, Julian. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome, Julian. Hello. Look who it is. Eugenie. Eugenie Buffalo. That's me. I don't like his f***ing outfit. Why did you pick that? Julian's not wearing a wig. Sorry. I have a request. I demand that you do more of those videos where you ask golfers to suck your dick. To be able to say that to an old man is hard to do. Dude, it's so funny. Even that one with Walt, we had to cut it short because I full chased him. Oh, I saw at the end you said you tend to air. I would have traumatized that old man. One day, someone's going to say yes and you're going to have to get sucked off. It would suck off yourself. That clip just happened by instance. You were just passing by. We were literally passing by and I was in that outfit and then I was like, I'm just going to go ask that guy to suck me off and film it. Does anyone get a bit aggro, a bit violent and want to come after you? Yeah, there was this cast net video down at that shop. Yeah, they're illegal. Yeah, we went down and tried to get him another two times but every single time he'd like know it was us like we'd send in different actors pretending to be like fissures. So he caught on. Then he full chased us. He was a psycho. What about with the cops called on you? Yeah, we had like five cops. Well, that was meant to be a Willem video and then he pretty much just got like and fucking all these ambulances and he just felt too bad to upload it so he just gave it to me because he was scared he was going to get in trouble or he had an apology video filmed for it. Because he's on good behavior, right? Yeah, I think I think he's all good now but like good behavior that's nothing's going to happen. You've had that before. Yeah, I'm on bail right now. Stab me. You fucking stab me. I've got to question. How do you solve how do you solve the youth crime issue in Australia or Queensland specifically? To be honest, I know you know I used to just watch Greg English's greatest hits compilation. Is that a football? And a singer. Big hit compilations and that solves youth crime. Do you reckon the age should be lowered in jail? They should be arrested. Why are you asking me? You were one of them. I didn't steal cars and shit. You bashed people and escaped. It was a spray-paining train. Spray-paining train. I'm getting really hot. It's the aircon's actually on. It's just a shit facility. We've never really just a really shit facility. We're working. There's a plan for that. No, I think we're going to ditch the aircon in the podcast. I thought you meant youth crime. Sorry. We always laugh how hot we get. We love everyone's sweat and shit. It adds a funniness to a brand. That's the plan. That's a bad idea. You're doing your stand up now. April 17th I think all the tickets and everything gets released. It's still a bit secret. What's secret? The tour. There's still mystery around it. Nobody knows where I'm going. Can you tell us one place? Brisbane. It's Perth on the cards. Perth is on the cards. How about I just tell you everywhere? Name how many? Perth. Adelaide. Sydney. Brisbane. No small cities. Town full of pores and shit. No cities. How about you be a real adult and move to capital city? Little Australia is your biggest fan group. I've got heat come to Albury. Why the fuck would I want to go to Albury? I played when I was a kid. Large crowd. That's a good reason to go. No cans. I might add cans. You played at cans before. After I do it, I might just go up there. Little ones here and there. Yeah. But yeah, now make documentary again tour. It'll be in July. How many months is the tour? It's just over two weeks. I'm just fucking jam packing it. And you have to drive everywhere? Or are you flying? I'm driving. Well, okay. I want to hear a story of the funny or the most someone's got offended at a show. Oh, fuck. The other week I had like a lot of people walk out. I was at West End. I can't remember what I was talking about. I think it was plus size models and I think they were just fat white chicks. Oh wow, so they weren't happy. But yeah, but like a cup, only a few of them leaving looked like heaps. Cause there's only 10 people. Oh, why? Could you tell because they were so slow to leave? Yeah, no. They're dumb. I think it was plus size models I was talking about or maybe just like kids or some shit and you could just tell like the front row just did not like it whatsoever and they were just slowly getting up and leaving and then I got banned from that club for like three weeks. Bullshit. What was this conversation with you? Bro, it's my kickback cause they're like, hey man maybe like cut out this, this, this next time. Maybe don't talk about like domestic violence, bro. And I'm like, how about you suck my dick? And then I beat his wife. Do you think there was really, do you think there was them or the venue forcing them? No, it's sort of like, because they've obviously got an investment where like if they lose the venue, they lose their investment and shit. So I understand that, but there's like better ways to go about it than being like, no, you can't say this, can't say that. Like, and then like a couple weeks after I was just doing shit performances cause I was like thinking in my head like, can I say this, can I say that? And I just like stutter trying not to say certain things. And then like, and then I just forget bits of jokes cause I'd have to like take them out. So I just said What do you do when you forget a joke, mid-joke? Yeah, fuck this is hard. Nah, that's rough. Or like, it's You just start dancing and shit. Nah, I haven't really like forgotten a joke. It's more like the little tiny punchlines leading up to the things. Or the delivery, like how quick you put it out. Nah, like fucking what was the joke? And it was like pretty much essentially I didn't say all these little tiny things and like it was about like, disabilities or some shit. And I think it was like tonguing a few tards or some shit like that was the punchline. But I didn't set it up. So then like And I didn't mean to say tards. I meant to say tizmos. So when you get like no laughter, like does it do you just roll straight on the next one? Not like that. I've never had I've never had a bomb where it's like no laughter. It's more like, oh, people trying not to laugh. Do you ever have times where people don't get the joke so you don't, you sort of you can tell that they've missed it. And then you have to roll straight to another guy? Yeah, that's a bit rough. Like, yeah, that same joke that I was just talking about, like I was talking about down for love. Do you know that TV show? I watched it all. See, you know down for love but they didn't really need to. And then I was like, oh, maybe next week I'll say love on the spectrum because it's like. Yeah, it's more relatable. But um, but yeah, that's just the annoying shit that you have to do is just like fucking four weeks to craft one joke and just saying it over and over and seeing what works better. Yeah. But it's a bit hard when it's like, if you don't get it right the first time and it's about like **** or some shit, then it's a bit rough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much anyway. Well, fuck man. It's going to be drugs. He's still on drugs from last night. Yeah, I'm on Valium bro. Oh, fuck yeah. Should I have a bunch? I've just been like, I've been dabbling in anxiety a bit. Val's helped with that shit. It just chills you out. You're making me want to get Val's wrong. Fuck it, man. I want to get some fucking Val's to roll. Social anxiety and stuff like that. Yeah. And stuff too. Yes, bro. Yes. Come and see my comedy show, bro. How much are tickets? Oh, there'll be like 39 bucks or some shit, bro. Who cares? And where do people find them? JulianWoods.au foot slash show. 17th. No. Sorry. Yeah, that's yes, bro. That's on that drop, bro. Oh, wow. So I'm just 16 days. Well, this will come out Mermaid Theatre in two weeks. Oh, this will be perfect timing. Princess Theatre. Oh, shit. In Brisbane. Try. Good work, Michael. It's close. Oh, you should see where I'm fucking performing in Sydney. You should see where I'm fucking? Dude, yeah. Can you tell us where you're performing Sydney? I can tell us, bro, but I'll fucking do it. Okay. I don't know why I keep saying bro. Are you going to be faithful to your missile when you're on tour? Fuck, yeah, bro. That's rockstar. That's rockstar. Are you going to get fucking written on during the tour? He's going to be standing on stage slowing down your words. No, I don't think I'll have time, man. It's like, I think the second week I'm doing like five shows in four days in like three different seasons. Yeah, you can just drink like while you're driving around while you're there's always time. That's no excuse. Like I performed so bad when I'm hungover. Yeah, it would be hard. Because it's so hard. It's written off, but when you're fucked up on stage, you're fucking through the crowd. It's just so hard. So if you want stuff like that, bro, come to the show, bro. Oh, bro's the new word, bro. Yeah. Have you been getting Subway? Yeah, dude, I had a footlong this morning, bro. Malted rice, seeds and grain and stuff like that. Did you toast them? No, no. It's been good, but at the moment we're filming this new character because he's just got like these expensive prosthetic masks. Like, you know that mangrove mask. These ones are like different. I'll tell you the characters after, but yeah, we've just been like banking them up so then he doesn't get... So we can't reveal the name on here? I don't even think it has a name. I think it's just going to be something extremely racist or something. Like, really? Well, I guess they'll get views. Well, one of them's an Asian man. So he's playing the Asian dude? Yeah, yeah. Does Willem try to like fuck you and shit? Yeah. I don't know. He's, yeah. Bro. Yes. Oh, wow. Do you have plans to work with anyone else besides Willem in the moment? Yes, bro. Yes. No, I'm just like, at the moment just because like... It's all comedy, too. Yeah, it's very casual with him so I can see around and write jokes and play PlayStation and shit. Bro. Have you been to his house? Yeah. I've got a sick house, bro. He's fucking got like paintings of himself every day, bro. What's the address, man? It's... It's so empty. It's like, it's too big. Oh, wow. And then he's got like, he's got this mad like tiki bar downstairs, like a full like nightclub. Really? He just asked me to play pool all the time and it's really annoying. Dude, that sounds so... I fucking love pool. But, um, no. And then, yeah, he just holds Poconites there. Yuck. And stuff. But, yeah. And stuff's been looking up for me. And, yeah. Sorry. I can't do this. Stick it out! I don't feel like me. You have to commit some time. Do you think I wanted to be like this when I started this podcast? No, I wore backward hats and I looked fucking cool. You won't even miss. You won't even on the camera. How did you stick the eyebrows on? What? The eyebrows, bro. Is anyone going to be opening for you? So who's opening for you? I haven't decided yet. For fuck's sake. It's Louis Spears. No. I love it. He's too big to open. It's that Kiwi guy we met. Remember we went to his show and you were like, I'm going to get... I'm going to like fucking yell out this guy so much. And I'm so high at his show. That's right. I was like, I've got to go to the toilet. And then I just left the fucking show. Did I bring you? Or did you just like randomly... I think I... I don't know. I was so high. Did you buy tickets to that randomly and we just went together? Yeah, yeah, we'll go on together. And then as soon as we sit down you're like, I'm going to draw so much attention to us. Pretty much what happened was me and Michael went to this comedy show. This guy Louis Spears. And right before Michael's baked as fuck. We had a full joint before we went in. That's right. And I think I got a bit stoned too. I was like, I just looked at Michael and I said, I'm going to heckle so loudly and draw so much attention to you. And he just turned into the biggest panic attack. He was like, I need a piss man. And then he never came back. He just fucking got out of there. Paid money for this ticket. Didn't even fucking get to see it. He went to Subway. I remember who else I was with. One of your mates. I can't remember his name. Felix. I think it was Greg Inglis. The singer. It's so strange. I haven't seen you boys in like three months. It has been so long. I can't believe it's April already. The holidays. That's four. It's been like five months. Give me a feel. You should open for me on my comedy tour. Just do that. Give me a feel. Give me a feel. Give me a feel. That's actually a funny joke. Is that your girlfriend? Give me a feel. Would you do five minutes before my show man? Would you do stand up? Give us a joke man. I would love to watch Brown do stand up. I'll let you open my show if you do five minutes. Let's go. Matt, you're on stage. I've got no material written already. That doesn't matter. Was that off the cuff? That's hectic. Why did the brown cross the road? He's going to town. I've never wanted to resolve something. I wish I had that knife. Maybe Matt. Fuck bro. I've been watching heaps of best of Julian Woods with Marty and Michael compilations reliving the old days and stuff. I've just been Googling my name heaps and stuff like that. What's the top three favourite clips? Maybe when we got your parents. Actually no action. Dude, I fucking came up in my... I think did you do a repost We sat them down in our living room. My old living room. I don't know. It was real triggering for some reason when I was watching that. I just looked at my dad and it just annoyed me. Have you been fighting with her? Yeah bro. Was there a time in your life where your dad hit you? Maybe you've gone a bit too far. What was something you did? What was something you did that recalls that reaction? I just tagged the garage bro. You tagged the family garage. And his dad's car? I just tagged the garage. That's fucking horrible. I beat you too. That's abuse. That's straight up negative. That's straight up abuse. Do that on stage man. Remember to bash me for five minutes bro. I'm gonna bash everyone. I'm gonna bash Julian Woods. That would be my opening line. Just trying to bash everyone there. In the audience. If I give you five minutes in front of 600 people at the princess theater. I'm just threatened to bash everybody on stage for five minutes. See we find it funny. I think it would be like what's happening. If people who watch this, if they come and see it they'll be like I know what's happening right now. Honestly I saw someone that looked like you get on stage and then goes just give us a feel. And then sort of just approach someone in a real scuffly sort of way and to see their reaction I would piss myself laughing. There may be that. It's this local stand up comedian that's got cerebral palsy. I should get him up and then you just come mid-set and bashing. I can be down with that. That's a fun word to say. I bashed him. Full bashing and stuff man. I've got a story for you guys after this bro. Can you tell it now? I can't bro. I've probably gone on a jail bro. No way. The tour will be on but then after I'll just settle down and just do a bit of jail bro. That's the plan. That's the plan for this year. Just tour the country. Do a little bit of time come out. 2025 Reassass. New show, prison break. Write a new show while you're in jail. I think that's what I'm calling jail. Do you should create a show called Prison Break. Just start a few people in there and stuff like that. It is rent free and you it's not a bad idea. Your food is so sick bro. And you can have your brother come in and try and break you out. No like in your show, in Prison Break. You can call it down with prison. Down with prison and it's my down with my little brothers. Disabled man. You went there. I was saying he would break you out of prison. I was like Have you seen Prison Break on the run? What is that? Dude. I did the crack and look podcast the other day. It was good bro. It was like this bro. I also saw you did Just like this bro. People talking in mics and there was cameras and stuff and curtains. Did you do bloody brilliant beers? Yeah bro. How was that? Yes bro. No. But they pump it out and you guys are boxing with them now. They're on the card. Are they on the card? I think they're fighting the alpha bloke. No but I thought they were fighting individual fights. They're not doing tag team. Clutsy apparently his fucking opponent is like 40 kilos lighter than him bro. That's right. That kid's gonna die man. It would be impossible to get knocked out if you're fighting someone 40 kilos. That's free money. He used to be footy player didn't he? Yeah. He's fucking massive. Six grade bro. He played them at Jeeps bro. Give them heaps jeeps. Yeah I said that for their nicknames like since their beers are fucking Darcy should be Schooner and then Potty should be Megajug. Megajug. And they should get dressed up as beers. Do you know what you should do? Do you have your walk out song yet? You should make Sandstorm. You should make Is it actually sandstorm? I thought you put slim Darcy. It should be a truck reversing sand backwards bro. Dude that is genius. That is fucking genius. No one would love I guarantee you. It would be me directing you. All I'm gonna hear Nobody got it now. Love that. I feel like that's really me dude. That is really me. Can we try? He's getting emotional. Walk out song. Is this a woman screaming? That woman crying sound effect we should just walk out of that. I'm down with the truck reversing. That was so good. Well we can make those sounds. Yeah but they won't hear us over. You're not walking out to sandstorm are you? It's so loud. It's so loud. You can't even look cool if you're coming out to that. You look like a pingerhead or some shit. Dude that's so loud. We need your song like today. We fucked up. And then I was like I started playing songs like what about this? What about this? We just landed on sandstorm. We should have chose Iron Man with Black Sabbath. Oh man. It's so hot in here bro. It was funny because they were going for some dusty and then you just reverted back to sandstorm because that was better. No it's not. It's going to put my mood down. I'm going to box worse because that happens. All you can think about is what we're boxing. What's that song bro? Oh dude I wish we had the fucking reversal of a truck. That is so good to me. If someone did that I'd be like that's a cool guy. That's a fucking cool guy in my eye. Just walking backwards to the ring. Oh trucks reversing should make the sandstorm music. Oh man. Do you guys have like cool boxing clothes? What are you wearing? What are you wearing? Are you getting a custom kit done? No we haven't. It's not that far off. It's like two weeks away isn't it? I think you meant to get your own shorts. 27 days. I'm just going to wear this. You guys should fight in the donut shorts. Because it's going to look like you're trying so hard. I know that's what I said. That's what I want. I want some. Dude what are you doing with your gloves when you're walking out? I'm just going to walk out like this to sandstorm. And then Marty's going to go away. Do you know what the worst thing is? You're going to try and be like jeeing yourself up and just by nature you're going to like bop your head to the beat when you're in there trying to It's going to look like you're enjoying it. It's official we're changing the fucking song. It's a TNT bro A-C-D-C-I-R-O What about something from Phil Collins? What about Phil Collins? You cut that bit out bro and it's just a fucking instrument. What about the Russell Coyt theme song? Get rhythm. Oh bro. You should just do it a dial tone and walk out with a phone. The old internet dial up sound. Yeah. Internet dial sound is very good. And we come out saying I'm a computer. I'm a computer. And we've got laptops instead of gloves. Stabbing people bro. Stabbing people and stuff like that. I'm a computer. He's right. I'm not going to be able to get pumped up knowing that that's playing. And you're going to see yourself in the screen and you'll catch yourself and be like idiot. I'm going to try and make it out like I hate the song. What about... Who's chose this bro? Hey, Geronimo. Let's walk out to that one. Dude. Pumped up kicks broke that song. All the other kids. See that's two try hard. The truck reversal is the greatest thing ever said. That's so fucking good. Oh the internet dial up time was good too. Dude. And then we're just sort of backing up. Looks like we're driving. Dude that is so fast. Park. And then they put the wax on my face and just like laughing at myself. That's what we should have done. They put the wax on your face? Yeah they do that. Petroleum jelly. Oh sorry. You're a surfboard bro. Yes bro. I thought I was a surfboard. I thought you were a surfboard. Are you scared? Hang ten bro. You know one of the guys you're fighting has a it like works at a morgue and has like a ring at his work. So he trains and flies around dead bodies. So you're saying that he is a magician. Yes bro. That's exactly what I said. The more I train the more the better I feel. Yeah of course. I think that's pretty philosophical. We're definitely the underdogs in this because fuck me that sounds like that Brizzy guy has really been fighting a lot. Like his whole life. Yeah no. We'll fucking Ask the boys you train with. Ask the bloody brilliant beers. Do they know them? Yeah that whole thing is like that podcast scene they're all actually. Yeah Greg Inglis. We should get them on. Let's get the brilliant beers boys on. But just fucking hold them and go tell us everything. They're probably telling them about us. They're the insiders in our gym. They're the moles in the gym bro. Kick them out bro. Now without even questioning or asking about it. Bash them bro. Wow we have to kill the bloody kids. Yes bro. We're doing it. We can go do it now. He lives in Ashkoe bro. It's done alright so bloody brilliant beers we're coming. Sorry dude. Have they not said anything to you that they know these guys? A little bit but nothing about their skill level. Bits and barbs and pieces. Bits and pieces and stuff like that. A flick and a fly. You've ruined everything. You fucking ruin everything. But yeah julienewoods.au slash shows and shit bro. It's on sale April 18th. April 17th and right now it'll be April the 14th so in three days head to Julien's Instagram or go to the website and fucking get your tickets before the shit sells out. Everyone shout woody. Woody. Bro. That felt flat for you man. Woots? Yeah it wasn't very natural. Yeah it wasn't man. And now every time you talk I forget what I'm going to say. Sorry dude. You fucking ruined everything. You blank his mind. I really, yeah bro. That wig looks good inside of the outfit. Kiss. Kiss each other then. Just one peck may as well. What are you doing there? That wasn't my idea to put that away. It wasn't my idea to put that away. I'm sorry. Good to see you too bro. Alright so Julien Woods April 17th. Bloody Billion Breers April 17th. Oh yeah we didn't kill them if they shot sorry if they are. Can you imagine if they just got downmoded? Oh no. It wasn't us. God how do we get out of this one? You should know you're fucking criminal. Website only but. That'll be on the website bro. But we didn't do it. We never did man. Let's stab it bro. That is so sick. For the website bud. Alright we're going to have a bonk break and we'll be right back with a prank call everyone. See you later Julien. Bye guys. Bye Julien. Michael. And today we're going to try and prank call this guy again. We tried him last week no answer. They're fucking phone anymore. And so this guy. Should we listen to the message again? Yeah I guess to give reference. He owns a loud dog that barks at all hours of the morning so we're going to pretend to be a neighbour that has found his number somehow and we are going to confront him. As Arnold Fine. I think I'm going to pretend to be like the council. Oh that's right. So as just a new character or Marty's sort of alter ego of being a councilman. We're going to see if he gets apparently he gets pretty riled up if you can press the right buttons. Similar to I guess Julien's father. Come on. Good day Brett. My name is Defalek McCorn and I'm just working Brisbane City Council mate and we've just had a few reports about a barking dog and I was just wondering if you have a couple of minutes to have a chat about it. Defalek McCorn I'm just working for Brisbane City Council. Good job sorry. Are you with the Brisbane City Council? Yeah so I handle complaints so if anyone has any issues in certain suburbs they come through to Brisbane City Council and basically I'm on the team that kind of filters through those complaints and yeah we just kind of try to find a resolution basically and the reason I'm calling is just we've had a few complaints now of a dog barking sort of between 1 and 2 a.m. in the morning. Are you aware of that? A little bit yeah that's not we've had a few people hanging around we've got footage of the neighbor next door yep people hanging around the house footage of people intruding. Yeah right well just to let you know one of your neighbors yeah he's put in quite a few complaints and he's kind of demanding that something be done he's actually also sent in some audio recordings of your dog barking so that he has actually sent in some proof so us as Brisbane City Council the kind of protocol is that we kind of have to speak to the owners of the dog and try to help them find a way that they can silence the dog. Of course barking is to be expected from a dog we understand that but that time in the morning that's just not acceptable and yeah we're going to have to get in and make sure that that doesn't continue Brett so there are a few things that we can do there Brett do you have a solution in mind? No Just to say I'm just going to pull over for a second Yeah no worries What was your first name again? Defalek, Defalek McCorn That's a different one, what background are you in? Eastern European born but moved here when I was quite young so I'll just write you a deed Excuse me for a second Defalek Defalek McCorn and McCorn is just MC K-O-R-N Yeah this same yeah normally if the council would call I know the council number 3403888 I deal with them all the time because I'm with my tribe but Yeah you're right mate so I'm not in the office at the moment so we are allowed to actually call from our personal phones but you are correct yes normally we would be calling from the office and it would be that number Normally the council would actually send us a letter we'd actually get a letter in the moment Yeah right well there's just been such an influx of complaints that we've just kind of been compelled to we can send an official letter and I'll make sure that that happens mate so we can do that but just in the meantime just so we can try and prevent any further complaints is there anything that we can do to shut that dog up at 2am Just doesn't sound like the council calling right it's I don't know what you want from me mate you've written my name down you can call Brisbane City Council you can call them and verify and look it's just my job to try and find a resolution so that your neighbours stop Well from your address it's listed online No it's not Do you live at What I'm saying is my name is not listed online Well that's the I don't know what to tell you but that's the number that's associated with that address so that's the number I've called How many complaints has there been So off the top on my head I can't remember but it's up around 20 20 complaints over the last 6 weeks Unfortunately I'm not allowed to let you know Unfortunately Brad I'm not allowed to let you know which neighbour it is but so we're going to have to think of something to shut that dog up because it's becoming quite a problem Yeah look you It doesn't sound like a council calling right not the way you're speaking like that I understand where you're coming from and if you've been affected from it I would apologise to you but It would be quite frustrating but I do sympathise with your neighbours having to put up with that bloody dog barking at 2am every night I've lived I've lived with someone with a barking dog and I can tell you right now it's not nice getting woken up at 2am by dog barking all the time Okay look you know that's not the only dog there you know there's other dogs there don't you I'm just going off the reports Brett that's all I can go off We've got video footage of people hanging around and I've come out on quite a few occasions that has been people in the street trying the case to join the neighbour two doors down had someone come into his yard and that's the same person that's been hanging around so the dog's actually doing his job Yeah well look Have you let the police know about that? Well we've got video footage and it's all about Yeah so you can file in some complaints to the Brisbane City Council or you can make a complaint to the police but we need to shut that dog up We need to shut that dog up The way you're talking to me this isn't the council This is how I talk Yeah but you can't ring up speaking to me like that Not the way you're speaking to me You're not speaking to me this is not a person Mate I didn't realise that I had to take your feelings into consideration I didn't realise I was dealing with a soft little pussy and who can't handle this Where do you want to meet mate? What do you mean? Come and speak to me I'm speaking to you right now Brett You're speaking to me You've called me You've commented and allowed me to respond Where do you want to meet with me the way you're speaking Mate I don't need to meet with you in person I'm happy to chill over the phone but we're going to have to shut that dog up Call me a pussy I don't think you're a weekend I'll show you the pussy Don't speak to me like that because that's not fair I'm just doing my job You're just trying to do my job Brett No you're not I can't help it if your feelings are hurt and all I've said is you need to shut that dog up I just think you're a fucking wick really in all honesty Mate I can't have you speak to me like that There is no need to be rude You're the one that's... Mate you're offended because I'm saying your dog needs to get shut up because it's barking at 2am If you listen to yourself you're telling me speaking to me is such a defamatory tomorrow away but then you are offended if I've responded Look mate I don't know what to tell you I'll tell you now that's the phallic mccorn That's... Well now you're laughing at my name and my heritage I didn't choose my name mate I'm proud of my mother and where she's come from and the phallic mccorn is a very common name where I'm from No it's not I ring the counsellor Who am I with then? The FBI or something is it? You tell me Or maybe I'm part of a podcast and your son sent in your number and wants us to prank call you about your barking dog I'm so sorry bro I know what's going on I know this isn't a fucking council Fuck Fucking let your dog bark So this is Marty and Michael and Matt That was brilliant It was hard to do it to you You picked up on the name I thought I'd sneak the name in but you picked up it was pretty weird To fuck Fuck that's good That's the end of episode number 10 Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and turn on the spotify to keep the ball rolling and we'll see you guys next week and stay strong and healthy