 Uh, we have had some technical problems. Initialized sequence. I'm gonna sound a little tired this morning. And if I do, I apologize, but I worked out all night in my own dreams with Richard Simmons. And I'm like exhausted. I'm a little queasy, too, because it was Richard Simmons. What do you all thought? You're on the air. Thank you, morning. Morning. You're requesting an apology? No, an apologetic. I am really sorry for whatever it is I did that offended you. Uh, I humbly, I humbly place myself at your feet and ask an, what? He wants to hear the apologetics. Well, why didn't you, apologetics, why didn't you say so? Really, I apologize for not realizing that you're asking for apologetics. And I humbly present myself and bow at your feet and ask you to forgive me for not understanding you that you wanted to hear apologetics. So if it's 101QF, I'm a parlor in the morning. Hey! You are not getting interrupted again. Yeah, strike down the bay and get up the firecrackers. We got some to celebrate. No. That's right. You're the producer. I discovered a new food. I don't care. I don't care. I don't kiss my breath. I don't care about a new food. It came down all the way down the hall, you know. You can walk to the show. You can walk to the show after this guy. I was cleaning out my desk and I noticed a bunch of papers and some things crumpled up and all those gooey stuff on it. It turns out it was some old pencil erasers or something like that that they melted, you know. And you know me. Well, I popped that sucker right in my mouth. Now, a little bit of salt. It needed some salt, but it was kind of chewy. It was sort of good. It got me to thinking, man, you got all those pencil erasers out there going to waste. I mean, once you get out of grade school, who uses a pencil eraser? Yeah. So what the hey? I gathered up a bunch of them and brought them home and fried them right up. I had to use a little bit of that nonstick coating on the pan because I had a big smoky kitchen. It was a big mess the first time. But the second batch, I sprayed some of that stuff in there. I cooked them right up and they're delicious. I worked it on eraser pasta with tomato sauce. I'm going to call it eraseroni. Yeah. Really chewy stuff. Chef Boyardee, eat your heart out. I get it. I get it. Yeah. See you later. I'm hungry. I can't believe I bought into that. I told you that we brought back a little puppy from Wyoming. She's a little toy poodle. We have a German shepherd. We tried to introduce the two of them when we got back. Brandy, the little toy poodle, is terrified of stormy. And we were hoping, we're going to just try to, I don't know. You got this little bitty dog. You got this big giant dog. Right. So hopefully they'll end up being friends. We were hoping that stormy would be kind of motherly toward Brandy and everything. And stormy hasn't, she didn't try to pounce on Brandy or anything, but it's just the sight and bark of stormy just terrifies Brandy to death. Well, this story is even more unusual. A Michigan dog has taken two kittens as her own. Wait a minute. Did you say two kittens? Two kittens. A Michigan dog has taken two kittens as her own. Queen and Bill Sheriff of Edwardsburg says their shih tzu is nursing two stray kittens. The sherfs say, she's nursing them. Okay. The sherfs say Gisha girl has always wanted puppies, even mothering a toy dog. The Gisha girl never had a litter. After taking in the kittens, the dog started lactating within a weird, that is very weird. Veterinarians say such false pregnancies do occasionally occur. The sherfs plan to find a home for the kitties after their wings. I didn't know that was even possible. I didn't either. If you haven't had, I thought that was just like a natural reaction to giving childbirth. Yeah. Wow. That would be so cool, though. Can you imagine getting this cat that was raised by a dog? It would think it's a dog. Here, Miss Kitty. Go fetch the paper. Roll over. Play dad. Okay now. Speak, Kitty. Woof, woof. Marla in the morning, the morning show that's family-friendly. QFL, you're on the air. Hey, I was wondering, do you know where the 12 days of Christmas actually came from? Was it because there was religious persecution in England? At a certain point, they weren't allowed to teach their children the Bible openly, and so they did it under the guise of, you know, symbolism. Yeah. Actually, it wasn't the Bible, it was the Catholic Catechism. Do they really represent something, or did somebody want to try to put spiritual significance into the song, and so after it was already written and after it became popular, they decided to come up with it? That's an excellent question. I wonder if there's some kind of Anglo-Historian or something like that that could help us answer that. Yeah, because we've got a lot of Anglo-Historians listening to what I want you to do in the morning show. Anglophiles. Okay. Condoleezza Rice has settled right in to her new job as Secretary of State, and today she announced that the Bush administration would begin peace talks with Michael Moore, Barbara Streisand, and Anne Martin-Sheen. Convicted by Dandra. That's what Andrew Pearson can tell his cellmates after he was sentenced to 12 years for armed robbery. The key evidence, 25 flakes of dandruff found in a stocking Pearson war for a mask during a robbery 11 years ago. Pearson was arrested in June after DNA testing matched his dandruff with a swap of cis saliva. Based on the evidence, it took drawers just 75 minutes to convict him. Wow. Now, the good news, though, is that when he gets out of prison, he's already been asked to do a before and after commercial for head and shoulders. See, hi. My name is Andy. I used to be an unsuccessful robber, but now I use head and shoulders, and I'm much more effective in my job. And I won't be convicted again because of an itchy scalp. You had that news story about dandruff just a couple seconds ago. Right. Actually, I saw a commercial the other day for dandruff when it comes to dandruff medicine. Oh, really? And I look for stuff like that because that... I'm not ashamed to admit that dandruff has always been a problem for me, at least a little bit. And so it strikes me when I see something about it. Well, I found funny on this commercial, and it's the same way with all the other commercials. It's the side effects for all of these commercials. Oh. They spend... You get a 30-second commercial, 10 seconds of it is talking about how wonderful it is, and then they have to spend the last 20 seconds saying, Oh, by the way, it's going to do all these other things possibly to you. They cause foaming at the mouth and giving birth to golden retriever-headed babies. I actually heard that in a comedy skit. Well, I mean, the whole reason that you want... Well, for the dandruff, and the whole reason that you want the dandruff medicine is because you want to look your best. Yes. And dandruff, for the most part, can blow your self-esteem. Sure. So the side effects of this drug, if I heard it correctly, halitosis, body odor, rash, and abdominal cramps. So your confidence is boosted with good hair, but then you're dealing with bad breath, BO, you're constantly scratching somewhere on your body and you're always looking for a restroom. I feel more confident with the dandruff and the ball cap. A teaching assistant at Northeast Tacoma Elementary School in Washington was reprimanded for giving some preschoolers dog food to eat during a play-acting exercise. The kids were on their hands and knees barking and pretending to be puppies. I just thought of something funny. One time, on a long car trip, my little brother, who was just probably about three or four years old at the time, started pretending to be a dog and he stayed in the role of the dog for so long that we were starting to get a little worried about him. Did he just take his head out the window? Yes, he just stayed in the role. I don't know, does he really think he's a dog? Anyway, when you took him to the bathroom, did he have to roll around the tree a couple of times? Anyway, the kids... Was he able to scratch the back of his neck with his foot? I don't even remember what this story was about that I was reading out. Kids, lady pretending making the kids pretend they're dogs. They were on their hands and knees barking and pretending to be puppies, so the woman gave the kids dry dog food to make it more realistic. The kids were not as stupid as we might think, and they spit the dog food out. But now the woman is in trouble for revealing the cafeteria's secret meatloaf ingredients. One and one QFL. QFL, you're on the air. Hey, you know what? What? You said you're not everybody's cup of tea. Yeah. And you're not everybody's cup of coffee? Yes. But you are everybody's crispy cream donut. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or what is that? I don't know what it is either. Are you saying I'm brown? Is that what you're saying? That I'll hollow on the inside? That I have nothing inside to share? Is that what you're saying? She's saying you're sugary sweet. It's time now for 101 QFL's moment of DA. And saving money on travel expenses, that ends up as a parental moment of DA. A couple in Russia, they were trying to avoid buying a train ticket for their daughter by putting her in a suitcase. Well, they were found out when the case was stolen. How old was this child? It doesn't say. That's crazy. Well, the kid's got to be small enough to fit into a suitcase. That is crazy. I mean, you hear people joking about that every once in a while. I'll just stick my suitcase, throw it in the overhead compartment. Or I've joked about it for myself, although it would never be a big suitcase. But I'm like, can I just get on the suitcase and come home with you, you know? Right. Right. Apparently, here's the reason you don't do that. Number one, it's illegal. But number two, you could get your suitcase stolen at which point you got kidnapping on your hands. Well, luckily, oh, there she is, three years old. There you go. Three years old. She was found on a Moscow street after the crooks let her out. They did, however, keep the suitcase. The couple agreed to be better parents after that and get therapy as soon as the railroad officials helped them find the steamer trunk with grandma in it. The Sun reports that Americans spend a whopping six hours a day gossiping. No way. That is so, I don't believe that a bit. Six hours? I could believe an hour. I could, maybe, but six hours, no. That's ridiculous. But that's the findings of an independent national poll from all 50 states about the time they spend dishing dirt. And not surprisingly, women gossip more than men, logging in six and a half hours daily, talking to friends about subjects from their husband to celebrities to other friends. I'm still scratching my head over six and a half hours daily. I don't spend an hour on the phone a day with anyone talking about anything. I know I have a sheltered life, but oh my gosh. But it says men aren't exactly silent. The guys put in an average of five and a half hours. This has got to be wrong. It's got to be wrong. Talking about, you know, gossiping, I guess, their subjects were most likely to be their bosses, co-workers, and sports figures. It's hard to believe. Six hours a day? Yeah. You know, I picked up my National Inquirer yesterday and I didn't see any story like that in the National Inquirer. You didn't? Or the Sun. Or the Sun. I got them all. Men breaking bricks with their fists, snapping baseball bats to pieces, and Darren Marlar ripping a phone book in half with his bare hands. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again. And Darren Marlar ripping a phone book in half with his bare hands. Man, that has got to be a typo. Are you sure that's what that says? Hey, that's what it says right here. I just, yeah, I just say what they give me to read, Marlar. I'm in big trouble. It's 101 QFL night at the Metro Center with the Rockford Ice Hogs. February 25th. Be there as the Rockford Ice Hogs take out the Missouri River Otters at 7.05. And before the game, hang out for 101 QFL night with special guest speakers, men of strength, and Marlar ripping a phone book in half. I really wish you'd stop saying that. That should be good. We'll see what a wimpy really is. I just added that. 101 QFL night with the Ice Hogs. Need new equipment for your church's sanctuary? Need to raise money for a mission trip or for your youth group? Team up with the Ice Hogs and sell tickets to 101 QFL night for February 25th. Call the Ice Hogs today at 986-6465. 986-6465. It's 101 QFL night with the Ice Hogs. February 25th at the Metro Center. For more information, go to 101QFL.com from Positive Hits. 101 QFL. Hi, Darren. Hey. You didn't tell me what phone book. Maybe it's like, you know, New Milford. Put five pages in something new. I've had a lot of people call and suggest really small ones. In fact, somebody just called and suggested the Shepherd's Guide. Yeah. Why do you want to say that? I'm not even sure what I would see. Cool. I think I could do the Shepherd's Guide. I think that one I could rip. I think I could do the Shepherd's Guide. I was actually calling to reduce the rates there yesterday. To reduce the rates? Yes, sir. Is this like a 10-10-1-4-6-9-8-5-2-1 plus the area code than the number type of dialing thing? No, sir, it isn't. Oh, it isn't. Okay. Do you know that you've called a radio station? No, sir. I didn't know that either. And I'm going to make fun of you because I have no choice now. You're stuck. Oh, man, check that out. What kind of a really cool deal are you giving us? $59.99. I'll limit it local long distance plus your features. All right. Now, just between you and me, and I'll make sure nobody knows what company you're with, but just between you and me, do you have a cell phone? No, sir, I don't. You don't? You are loyal to your company, aren't you? Because you can do the free long distance with your cell phone like all day long. I hear that. You don't need you. Oh, man. You're going to be out of business here soon, man. You need to get with, like, Nextel or something. I hate you. How about radio sales? You want to work for radio sales? No, I'm fine. Well, here's the thing. Say we sell air time, which is like nothing. We're selling like air. You're selling what? Telephone wavelengths? You're selling kind of like nothing, too. You can come here. You can work for us, man. I mean, I do pretty good here. I appreciate that, though. Well, we're Christian Radio. You make diddly squat here. In fact, that's the way it actually says it on the paycheck. It says diddly squat. Pay to the order of Darren diddly squat. Oh, man. That's terrible. Well, actually, now you've reached the on-air studio. If you're wanting to talk to somebody that's really going to actually listen to you and respect your call, you'll need to call our office line. Okay. What number is that? That number is 815-654-1200. Thank you. You got it, man. You have a great day. How about this guy? He sang this particular song, the loveboat theme, Jack Jones. Jack Jones. I feel free to sing along if you'd like to. Exciting and new. I'm going to say Jack is 70. He is 67. All right. Wow. You can find us online at 101qfl.com and the Marler in the morning page. While you're there, sign up for the Marler sheet. It's our daily e-mail newsletter that we send out immediately after the show. QFL, you're on the air. Hey, Dad. I hate you. You hate me? Yes, because a couple hours ago, you played a clip from the loveboat, and now that thing is stuck in my mind, and I don't know what I'm thinking about all day long. I'm sorry. You have musical cranial impactments, don't you? Absolutely. And it'll probably be stuck there all afternoon now. How can I get rid of that for you? Well, you can play anything by date. That would help. How about the freeze company theme? We could do that. Come on, knock on our door. Come on, knock on our door. Oh, yeah. We are waiting for you. Thank you very much. Now you just replace one with the other. All right. I'll throw in Jake for you. Come on, knock on our door. We are waiting for you. We are waiting for you. Is it true that falling in love can actually be bad for your health? Well, believe it or not, the psychologist magazine, they're saying that falling in love could potentially be a fatal disease. Yeah. All right. Well, here's their rationale on this. Of course, I'm not buying a second of it, but London psychologist Frank Tallis, he said that a lot of the symptoms of love sickness can be explained in clinical terms. Elevated mood and inflated self-esteem. Those are signs of mania. Tearfulness and insomnia are depression symptoms. Constantly checking your email. That is an aspect of obsessive-compulsive disorder in your broken heart. I can make people suicidal. He said it's time that doctors take love sickness seriously as a diagnosis and treat it like any other complaint. Uh-oh. I just thought of something. What if you are an incurable romantic? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If love is a disease, shouldn't the insurance companies be paying for our Valentine's dates then? 101QFL, you're on the air. I was calling to say Mary, did you know? Did I know what? Can you say the song? Can I play what song? Mary, did you know? Did I know what? You know that joke only works if my name's Mary. Yeah. Did you name Mary? Uh, no. Okay. I am a bit Mary today, though. That never stopped Darren, though. One of the moons of Saturn. The pictures show that the clouds above Titan are most likely methane and dark areas on the surface are liquid methane. Meaning the moon might once have been inhabited by large cows. And in an effort to bring some pride to his homeland of Turkey, 38-year-old Ilker Yilmaz decided to challenge Canadian Mark Moral's 8.7-foot world record for... Sorry. PBGB time. Yes, squirting milk out of his eye. Oh, you've seen that done before, haven't you? No, no. Oh, you've never seen that? No, no. Well, they had a guy at Ripley's, believe it or not, that did it a few years back. It's freaky. Oh, okay. You can't read it, can you? No. No, you have to read it. Sorry. It just makes me sick. All right, hold on. We'll be fine to start. Okay, all right, here we go. No, no, no, no, no. In an effort to bring some pride to his homeland of Turkey, a 15-year-old Ilker Yilmaz, or however you pronounce his name, decided to challenge Canadian Mark Moral's 8.7-foot world record for squirting milk out of his eye. So exploiting what's been called an anomaly in his tear gland, he sucked milk in his nose. Pinched. I don't know why this is so sick. All right, anyway. I don't know why, but it is turning like this. Okay, anyway, he sucked milk up in his nose. He pinched it 9.223 feet out of his eye socket in front of several witnesses. He's now waiting on official confirmation and recognition from the Guinness Book of World Records. You know, once that happens, all hail Turkey, the eyeball, milk squirting capital of the world! Yeah, I just figured, my name is Chef Park. I wanted to give you a little heads up. Last week, you and Cindy were talking about those annoying things that people do at movies. You were talking about the kid that has the pop that gets down to the absolute bottom of it and doesn't stop. Yes. We went to go see a movie last Tuesday and I've never had it happen and all the years I've gone to movies, never had it. I had three kids behind us and that's all they did. Entirely through the movie, they said there's a slurp on that thing and there's nothing left. So hearing that on the radio jinxed you, right? Yeah. I don't understand why people do that. When you hear that sound, it means your coke is gone. There's no reason to continue making sound. Yeah. We turned around and looked at them and they put their cup down and then a couple minutes later they pick it back up and do it again. Like miraculously, coke will appear in the cup later on. Exactly. Yeah. But it was just so funny how we never had it happen and here we hear you talk about on the radio and we go in and there it goes. See, I have a lot of influence in this town. Yeah, I see that. It's negative, apparently. Today is start your own country day. That would be fun. I think we should make a list of new laws for our new country. One that I heard not too long ago from somebody else and I think it'd be a great law. Your license plate should also be your cell phone number. So anybody that's in front of you that's acting really, really dumb, all you gotta do is give them a call and say, hey, it's a paddle on the right, buddy. There have been times I so wanted to say something to somebody. Are you waiting for another shade of green on the light? QFL, you're on the air. Families have to eat dinner together every night at the dinner table. Families must eat dinner together. Yeah. Okay, now. That's a lost art. Can we have the TV on? No. No? No. What are we going to do? Well, off the table. That's it. You gotta get your conversation. That's where you talk about your day. Well, can't you talk about Judge Judy? Why QFL, you're on the air. What do you think? Morning, Marlar. Good morning. I think we should definitely be able to have only wholesome television. What TV shows would still make it, then? Probably nothing, but TV. I'm calling about the law for the country. Yes, you got one to suggest? I do. I think that the Ten Commandments and the name of the Lord our God should be able to be spoken and read anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Amen. Amen. Hi, hey, are you still finding out stuff about E.B. and the monarch and making all the rules? Laws for our new country. Yes, my lady. This would be a Lady Marlar monarch, by the way. Okay, well, this is the one that I think should be there. If you're going to be the monarch, can I be like a Melda Marcos and have a thousand pairs of shoes? Today is playing an old game you haven't played in years, tonight. Like Yahtzee or Scrabble. Sorry. Sorry. I love sorry when I was growing up. Although sorry can get everybody mad at each other, you know? You used the word of the game a lot when playing the game, didn't ya? Yeah. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to do that to ya. You didn't do that to ya. Yes, you did. It's a dog eat, dog game. Because most of the time, you have an option. You don't have to go that way with your little piece to knock me off. You can knock somebody else off. You never liked me. Sorry, flashbacks there to the Marlar household. Holidays that make you go. Friday, January 7th. And today is old rock day. I have no idea what that means unless it's about music. Old rock music? That's the only thing I can think of. Old rock music. Which we're not going to be playing any of. Well, you know there's a lot of old geezers now in rock music. I mean you got Steven Tyler and Paul McCartney and... Still rocking like they did in the past. Still just as popular. You know I can foresee the day when there's like 75 year old men. You know what scares me is the day is eventually going to come where we are going to be like great grandparents. And our grandchildren are going to come over and let me play a tune with that old music that I grew up with. Yeah. That stuff you're listening to. That stinks. But let me listen. Let me have you listen to some of my Snoop Dogg. I'll tell you this is some really good stuff. That's going to be oldies one of these days. I know, isn't that bizarre? That is scary. The oldies stations are going to be playing rap music. And you know what else? We'll look back on the music that was so cool now and we'll go oh that was so corny. You know? A shizzle. Coming up I have our moment of duh and it's talking about a guy who you know his pickup lines trying to pick up women. Yeah. Have guys ever, you know like when you were growing up did they ever really do that to you? The really cheesy lines. Not really because I was I was a pastor's daughter and people were afraid to give me cheesy lines. I don't know. So I didn't really, really experience that. Very rarely. I try to think of some of them like the real corny ones I've ever heard. Like do you even love at first sight? Or should I walk by again? Yeah, yeah. If I was in charge of the alphabet that I'd put me, I and you together. Pretty lame stuff. Marlar in the morning. The morning show to save for the whole family. You can check us out online at 101qfl.com. Alright it's time now for today's moment of duh. And before we go into the actual story I had asked you Cindy if you'd ever had you know pickup lines thrown at you. I couldn't think of any. Being a reverend's daughter. People are going to be a little discouraged from coming up to that stuff like that. And I can understand that. That would make sense. Well just a few real corny ones here before we hit the story itself just to see if any of these you've heard of you have a bandaid because I just scraped my knee falling for you. Do you have a map? Because honey I just keep getting lost in your eyes. Oh brother. How can people actually find these effective at all? Girl you've got to be tired because you've been running through my minds all day. I've heard that one. Help something's wrong with my eyes. I just can't take them off of you. I mean they're kind of cute I guess. Yeah. These are more like something you'd see on a little Valentine's park. Exactly. Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean and baby I'm all lost at sea. You're like a dictionary. You add meaning to my life. And what's your father? An alien? Because honey on planet Earth there's nothing else like you. Just a few corny lines there. Those are corny balls. That would be individual moments of death if you ever decided to use those. But today's moment of death story goes completely beyond that. Check out this chaos. A 25 year old Brent Brown of Newcastle, Delaware. He robbed an 18 year old Domino's pizza delivery woman while he was while she was out delivering a pizza. When she arrived at the door Brent and a couple of his buddies surrounded her and took her cash and two pizzas. But then Brent felt bad so he so bad he decided to call her up on his cell phone and ask her out on a date. Oh my goodness. She turned him down of course. But was very happy to turn over his cell phone number to the police and they made quick work of tracking him down and picking him up. So of course it didn't take him long to give up his two buddies either. But Brent, if you had the right pickup line you could have worked for your buddies. Their biggest sales day of the year for pizza. Super Bowl Sunday. Biggest, biggest day. In fact I've got the top five here and we'll see if maybe you can figure out who the five are. 101 QFL, we are still looking for a winner. All right, Christmas Eve? No. Don't do... How about Thanksgiving? No. You gotta call back now. You can't keep guessing after... Darren Marlar Day. That's number six actually. And that's number seven. That comes right after Marlar Day. Don't hit. 20 year old Prince Harry. I heard about this. He started lying to the British throne. He went to a costume party dressed in a Nazi uniform in swastika armband. No excuse for that. Very insensitive. After a picture appeared on the front page of the London Sun, total public outrage ensued. Of course now everyone from politicians, anti-fascist groups and Jewish human rights organizations are going to be apologized, but that doesn't seem to be enough. Many groups want him to publicly and openly apologize on radio and TV. Former royal press officer Dicky Arbiter urged, said, it is just not good enough to behave like that. We all know history, and at 20 there is no excuse. I heard that there was supposedly an accident, but I saw this story on the news last night. I can't... I just can't understand something here. How can this be an accident? Where exactly does one go to get the money? They're not just hanging on the racks in costume shops anywhere. There was some thought put into this costume, and now I think it's all spin control. I think the queen should give him the maximum punishment available and force him to have plastic surgery so his ears look like his father's. And this is just silly. A ghost has been arrested for rather than the woman responsible for walking around an old castle in Italy and making ghost noises, as been. The 42-year-old Polish woman was caught after the owner of the castle come hotel alerted police. The owner said squeaking floorboards, slam doors, footsteps, and eerie moans had been scaring off guests for weeks. But the ghost turned out to be the wife of an employee at the castle who was angry at the way the owner was treating her husband. High-tech video surveillance equipment captured the lady doing her dirty work once in jail for harassment. Quiet, it's sold woman withers from the Haunted Amusement Park. And that would have got away with the two of those stupid kids. Hey, tell me. Scooby Scooby Doo looking for you Scooby Scooby Doo where are you? Email, we got email. We got your email. I don't know why, I always find that cute. A subject line possible reason for waking up. You and I were talking earlier this morning about the fact that we had a hard time sleeping all night through the night. We've been waking up in the middle of the night, can't get back to sleep, don't know why. Well, here's one concept on this. Darren, I have a possible answer for your early morning dilemma. Is it just possible that God is waking you up to pray? Just a thought? Is God even awake at two o'clock in the morning to listen to my prayer? Actually, that's what I've been doing. If I can't get back to sleep after two o'clock, I usually spend that time praying. Usually it's praying for God, please let me get back to sleep. Doctors in Ukraine say they can't find anything wrong with a 63-year-old man who claims he hasn't slept for more than two decades. I would love that. Well, it would be good to be able to get by without sleep, but I love sleep. I think it's one of the most wonderful things to do is just have a really good sleep. Doctors don't know what's causing the man's insomnia. They've tried to put him to sleep, but nothing has worked. He says he feels fine, though, and he's happy with his life. The only problem, though, is that now he owns every product that's ever been advertised on late-night television. 101QFL, you're on the air. Hi, I'm calling about the Christmas gift. I have a good one for the prankster on your list. It's just a fun one. Oh, really? Yes, and this is a little tradition for us now. And what we do is we wrap up like this. You get the big bags of marshmallows, and you dump like three or four of those in some ramping paper and you wrap them up, and you give them a nice little card that says, you've been naughty, so here's the scoop. You're getting nothing for Christmas, but some snowman poop. And it's so fun. We actually just did that to our youth pastor because her birthday's in December, and she was, like, so, like, going to be really funny and open her package. She opened it in marshmallow spoo everywhere. Jeff Tweedon of Seattle is so anxious to see Star Wars Episode 3. He's already camping in front of the Cinerama Theater in freezing weather to be first in line. Wait a minute. When does Star Wars Episode 3 come out? Not for 22 weeks, and he's not even sure that it's going to play at the Cinerama. I didn't really even know there was a Star Wars Episode 3 coming out. This is the last one. This is where he actually becomes Darth Vader, and he's looking forward to it. I haven't seen any trailers for that. Well, probably because it's 22 weeks away. Well, Jeff Tweedon, he did the same thing for the last Star Wars movie, and he said, a lot of people say, get a life, but Star Wars is about independence and freedom, and that's really what this weight is about. Right, yeah, it's independence and freedom from employment. And now our feature presentation, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back mini-movie. I have to go to Dagobah. Use the force, young Skywalker. Use the force you must. Okay, now I have to go to Cloud City. After you go to the dark side. No, I don't. All you got to do is fill in the blank in this actual tabloid headline. If you get it right, you get something cool out of the marler in the morning, bucking a junk, meaning you get to choose your own prize, and here it is. The cop gives blank a DUI ticket. Cop gives blank a DUI ticket. How about priest? Priest is not what I'm looking for. Good try, though. Thanks. All right, thank you. 101QFL. Yeah, is that cop gives a dog? A dog? That's not what I'm looking for, but that would be a great headline. That would be funny. That's a good try. Thank you. 101QFL. Mom. Oh, no, there's a new one. Cop gives mom a DUI ticket. That's not what we're looking for, but that would be funny. All right. I appreciate it. Thank you. Cop gives blank a DUI ticket. QFL, you're on the air. An animal? Maybe a monkey? No, it's not a monkey. 101QFL, you got an answer for tabloid match game? Yeah, is it sheriff or something like that? What do you mean, or something like that? You got to be got to be somewhat specific. Okay, cop gives sheriff DUI. No, it is not sheriff. But that was a good one. Appreciate it. All right, thank you. 101QFL. Cop gives blank a DUI ticket. Do you have an answer for me? How about horse? Horse? Not what we're looking for. Not what we're looking for. Appreciate it though. Thank you. 101QFL. None? N-U-N? Oh, as in like a female priest, none. That is not that's not the answer, but that's a good one. It's a good try. Thank you. 101QFL. Good morning. I have an answer for you. Do you have the right answer for me? I certainly hope so. Okay, cop gives blank a DUI ticket. Clown. Clown? No. It was good for a let-off. Clown's usually are, but that's not what we're looking for. Okay, thanks. All right, thanks. 101QFL. How about cop gives himself? Exactly! Yes! Did you have to look that up? I would have guessed that. No, I was just like, what would sound really stupid? Yes! A cop gives himself a DUI ticket. I'll have the whole story for you. Coming up here in a few minutes to let everybody know how that exactly happened. What's your name? Tracy. Tracy. Wow, congratulations to you. You get to pick out your own prize out of the Marlar in the Morning Bucket of Junk. Although I will admit that your answer, Cindy, was probably the best. The one alien? Cop gives space alien. If it's in the tabloid. I mean, you see those tabloids at the checkout thing at the grocery store with President Bush talking to aliens. Right, it could have been Batboy. That little Batboy thing. What is that? Do you know what I'm talking about? No. I spent way too much time looking at the tabloids at the grocery store. Okay then. With Marlar in the Morning, it was a friendly morning show and tabloid match game earlier was Cop gives blank a DUI ticket. The answer was Cop gives himself a DUI ticket. I got to hear this story. Here's the situation on it. Weekly World News. Keep in mind this is a tabloid. How true this is, you never know, but sometimes some interesting stuff gets in there. The Weekly World News says that a Louisiana cop wrote a ticket to himself. I was out patrolling one night and I had a few. Highway Patrol Officer Rodney Weaver says when suddenly I saw a car on the freeway swerving from side to side. I thought, wow, that guy is drunk. And then I realized, hey, that's me. So I thought, well, I can't let me drive like that. So I pulled myself over and asked, do you know why I pulled you over? And then I answered myself, why don't you tell me? Well, I didn't like my attitude. So I wrote myself a ticket. You don't have a conversation like that. You've got to have a little alcohol in your system. Well, when he sobered up, Weaver says that he couldn't believe what he had just done. And now here's the real twist on this one. Weaver is now trying to get his DUI dismissed on the grounds that he was inebriated at the time that he wrote it up. Oh, come on. Here's what he says. He says, quote, I plan on telling the judge that he should be thrown out because the officer who wrote the ticket, now keep in mind that's him, the officer who wrote the ticket was drunk and his judgment can't be trusted. If he was that drunk, then he did deserve the ticket. Right, but he was inebriated at the time, so the police officer who wrote the ticket was drunk. And that would make a powerful argument in court, except for the fact that he's I don't know. I have no idea. Here is a complete lack of respect for the law. And a billionaire CNN founder, Ted Turner compared the popularity of Fox News Network to the rise of Hitler. A Fox News spokesman. I heard this. I read this quote the other day and I loved it. Quote of the day. Oh, man. Ted is understandably bitter, said this spokesperson, having lost his ratings, his network, and now his mind. We wish him well. Wasn't Hitler like that, like an unbalanced dictator who thought he should run the entire world? Yeah. Kind of like. Ted Turner. Yeah, Marlar in the morning. You better the no cursing zone. And I don't do it very often because I don't think it's a great idea for me just to get angry all the time on the air. I don't want to be, hey, it's that angry man on QFL. But sometimes you come across a story that is just so totally outrageous. I could not believe this one when I saw it yesterday. I really thought that this was one of those have to check it out on snopes.com type of story. Yeah. More insanity from the zero intelligence policies of our government. Our government school zero tolerance policy. I'm already going to get bad. First line in. Here we go. OK, actually from the public schools at Matthews Elementary School in Syxton, Missouri. A first grade girl has found herself in a lot of trouble. She was playing with a plastic bag she found on the playground. Six year old Michaela Boyd used the bag to gather up some of nature's goodies, mostly grass and dirt was really all it was. And she invented she wanted to give that to a classmate as a present because I guess six year olds feel that's an appropriate gift. Unfortunately, her highly oversensitive and paranoid teacher immediately assumed that this was a bag of marijuana. Oh my goodness. Six year old girl walking around, she's been playing in the dirt, it's just, that's not grass as in marijuana, it's grass is in grass. Right. And yet the teacher automatically assumes the worst turns it into the principal and I get this. When the higher ups of the school realize that it was just dirt they gave Michaela two days of in school detention for making and I kid you not, this is the way they say it they give it attention for making a look alike drug. No. Yes. Did the little girl even have any idea what they were talking about? Not a clue. That's not a clue. They say this is going to have to go on her quote unquote permanent school record. Of course, her mom Michelle Boyd is completely outraged at this and I can understand why and she says that the school is not going to reverse their decision. The school says they're not going to reverse their decision. This is, if this isn't a totally outrageous story, I don't know what is, but it also brings to mind whatever happened to that whole permanent record thing and has it ever come up in your entire life? I don't think so. This is going on your permanent school record. Yeah. Never, not once, unless the FBI has that off in some quarter somewhere, I've never seen or heard or been asked for my permanent school record. So let me get this straight. She's six years old and she gives a bag of dirt and grass to a friend and she gets suspended for making a look alike drug. Exactly. So what happens if she trades lunch with a friend? Is she going to get suspended for pushing nutritional supplements? I think the teacher, if we're thinking that a six year old was making marijuana, maybe they've been doing something that you know, the whole thing that it reminds me of is when I was probably about that age, I was playing in the dirt with some friends and we were making like mud pies or whatever. I got so caught up in my little play acting that I actually took a bite of the dirt and then I was so into the role and I remember running into the house telling my mom, Mom, I swallowed dirt, I swallowed dirt, you know and she gave me something, I don't know phenomint or something to try to help me get around a bit but but you know little kids play in the dirt little kids make mud pies yeah and so giving a little gift of dirt to a friend while it sounds silly to us it's a compliment. Exactly. It's a compliment. It's like, I love you, here's some dirt. Exactly. And now another useless fact. This just in dinosaur bones have been found by workers digging the foundation for a new drugstore. They probably belong to a Tyrannosaurus rexol. Good morning sir, how are you? Doing all right, how about you? Not too bad, I got a funny name for you, I got a good friend of mine that actually lives in this area. She married into it, but her first name is Anita at her last name in the shower. You're kidding. Anita's shower? Yeah, Anita's shower. And she married into that? Married into it. And she knew what she was getting into. As you know, if a girl starts dating a guy, she's gonna write out her new married name over and over and over again. Anita's shower is her new name through marriage. Does she not realize that you can keep your maiden name? By QFL, you're on the air. Good morning dear. Good morning. I have a niece named Raven. Raven, like the bird? Yep, and and that's you, they call me. X has no idea why they need it. S as in Sam. No. And you're kidding. No. X and E is a name? That's what they call them. And his name is Zine, I think. Zine. Holy mackerel. I don't know where they came from. How old is this kid? He's probably about three now. Can you imagine what kind of torture this kid's gonna go through in school? I don't know. Man, Zine, X and there's no way the teachers are ever gonna get that one right on the first attempt. Right, right, and how many other kids are gonna be with an X? It'll be at the end of the alphabet forever? Sure enough, the school that he goes to will be teaching phonics. Right. This is a pretty amazing story. This lady in Hutchinson, Kansas doctors can't explain why Sarah Scantland has started talking for the first time in 20 years ever since she was hit by a drunk driver. It is sort of a miraculous story, it's pretty cool. Apparently she's recognizing people, she's talking normally. Until recently she was only able to communicate using eye blinks for yes or no. I think it's obvious why she began talking as well because her very first words was to ask somebody to change the television to something other than American Idol. That was pathetic. Seriously pathetic. Unbelievable. It was not shut. I mean seriously painful to listen to. Actually one of the worst things I've ever heard. Extraordinarily awful.